Tag Archive for death

We all go through transitions in life

July 14, 2016 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of  Rabbi’s  Yissachar Frand, Akiva Tatz, Yossi Bilus, Asher Hurzberg


Here we go again! “Why have you brought the congregation to this wilderness to die there, we and our animals? And why did you bring us up from Egypt to bring us to this evil place? This is not a place of seed or fig tree or grapevine or pomegranate tree; and there is no water to drink.” (Bamidbar 20:4-5) Yada, yada, yada. Sound familiar? The complaints are repetitive. Seemingly, it’s the same script but different place in the wilderness. Don’t these Jews ever learn their lesson? A bunch of complainers, that’s what they are. Zero tolerance and no patience, that’s the way they come across!! What happened to the miracles they saw? What happened to these great people, weren’t they were labeled, “The Generation of Knowledge?” These guys were supposed to be the greatest ever!

How can that be?
To understand why our beloved ancestors behaved the way they did and to perhaps even bring total clarity, we have to take note of a fundamental approach to, of all things, death.
Rabbi Akiva Tatz teaches us an interesting observation on what happens the seconds, the moments of death, or perhaps I should say during the transition between life and death, when one is on the threshold of leaving this world. Rabbi Tatz observes that when a person is on the verge of death, he experiences a moment of nothingness. It’s a blank screen which results in being uncomfortable, vulnerable, alone, scared, unsure. After all, he’s in limbo. At this precious moment Satan works his clever deceptive ways one last time. He thrust a great wave of deceptive falsehood in a last ditch effort for the individual to deny. As the individual feels the dark nothingness, Satan approaches and says, “Look, there is nothing here – there is no Gan Eden, there is no reward. It was all a sham. The Torah and the Rabbis fooled you, it’s one big hoax. There is no such thing as a G-d!!” At that very moment if he accepts those words for what it’s worth, Rabbi Tatz says, he will lose it all!! Such is this moment of transition, of confusion, where Satan tries to take advantage of you and seal your fate, forever!

Incidentally, for this reason one has to bury a loved one immediately. The confusion and trauma of the transition period causes the deceased tremendous hardship and great discomfort. Due to the anguish that the soul is experiencing it is highly recommended that the surrounding loved ones say Shema Yisrael as the soul is leaving the body. This helps ease the transition and reaffirm his commitment to G-d.
The game of life can be difficult at times. One of the more challenging aspects of being in this world is dealing with death, and in this week’s parsha Miriam, the beloved sister of Moshe and Aharon, passed on. We clearly see the impact she had, for in her merit the Jews were privileged to drink water in the desert. (Often, it’s not till one passes away do we appreciate what good they did or what they contributed to society and how much influence they had on us.)

Rabbi Yissachar Frand quotes Rav Simcha Zissel from his book Sam Derech who asks a very interesting question. According to the Ramban, the incident of Korach challenging our leaders Moshe and Aharon occurred right after the incident of the Spies. This means that all the events in Parshat Shlach and Korach occurred in the second year after the Exodus. However, Parshat Chukat occurred in the 40th year after the Exodus, approximately 38 years later. They were now on the threshold of entry into the Land of Israel.

All the troubles and complaints up until now occurred in the first 18 months in the desert. However, the incident at Mei Meriva, the “we want water” complaint in Parshat Chukat occurred in year 40. Rav Simcha Zissel asks, “What happened in between?” Rav Simcha Zissel answers that we see from the Mishna in Avot and the Gemara in Erachin that for the 38 intervening years they were perfect. How do we know this? The Mishna (Avot 5:4) lists ten specific “challenges” that our forefathers tested G-d with in the Wilderness and quotes a pasuk as the source text for this number, “And they tested Me for these ten times.” (Bamdibar 14:22) The Gemera in Erachin (15a) spells out what these ten challenges were: two by Yam Suf, two involving the mann, two with the quail, two with water (one in Refidim and one in Mei Meriva), one with the Golden Calf, and one in Wilderness of Paran (the Spies). These all happened in the first year and a half, with the exception of Mei Meriva-“the water incident,” which happened at the very end. Rav Simcha Zissel derives from this that in the intervening 38 years, there were no challenges, no complaints, and the Jewish people behaved perfectly!

Furthermore, during those years they were schlepping baggage on a moment’s notice with children in tow, directed by the cloud of glory. To not complain one iota is very commendable! This constitutes an immeasurable trust in G-d.

This is very much in line with our concept of “The Generation of Knowledge” (Dor Deah), the people who consumed only mann, lived within the confines of the Clouds of Glory, and learned Torah for 38 years from Moshe Rabbeinu. They did not need to worry about clothes, food, or a job. They could devote their entire lives to spiritual growth. They could make the following proclamation: “We have not done anything wrong in the last 38 years!”

If so, Rav Simcha Zissel wonders, what then happened in the first two years and in year 40 that caused Klal Yisrael to “act out” and challenge the Almighty time and again during those periods? It seems out of character compared to the 38 goodie goodie years.

What propelled them to switch from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde?
Rav Simcha Zissel offers a very important insight into human nature, something that is very important for us to know vis a vis ourselves and vis a vis our children. The first two years and the final year were times of transition. Klal Yisrael was going from one stage into the next. They left Egypt, where they were slaves, and shortly thereafter they became a Divine Nation. The journey from the 49th level of impurity to receiving the Torah was a year of tremendous spiritual upheaval and transition in their lives. And now, on the verge of entering Eretz Yisroel, they also face a traumatic transition. They were about to go from an existence of eating mann and drinking water that flowed from a rock to a normal existence, having to plant, hoe, and plow, and to make business deals and take care of their families. Again they faced transition.

When a person is in a period of transition he is not serene. When a nation goes through sudden change, they do not have peace of mind and are not at peace with themselves. This lack of calmness makes people vulnerable to making poor decisions and silly mistakes. Without serenity, people cannot make informed decisions.
The lesson Rav Simcha Zissel derives from this is that one must be extremely careful whenever entering a new situation in life, even if the change is a good change, like becoming newly married or new parents. All these phases represent major transitions in one’s life. They are wonderful transitions but the transitions can still easily cause upheaval in a person’s life. When things are changing and coming at a person from all directions, he lacks “yishuv ha’daat” [peace of mind] and in such situations, he must be particularly careful.

Perhaps one can justify the popular term “no pain, no gain” since “transition” is what elevates one in life. But Satan knows he’s being threatened and he puts his best foot forward. Throughout our Torah we see exactly this pattern of sabotaging the transition phase. When Noach came out from the Arc to start a new life in a new world, he got drunk from the grapes which led to negative consequences. When Eisav returned from Avraham’s funeral, if he even attended he committed five immeasurable sins. This was a major transition for him, as he idolized his grandfather Avraham and now he’s gone. The inauguration of the Tabernacle, a milestone, was marred by the death of Aharon’s two sons Nadav and Avihu.
As we know, it was King David who laid the blueprints for the Bet Hamikdash (Temple). However, it was under King Solomon’s leadership that it was built. King Solomon was married to the daughter of Pharaoh, one of his many wives, and on the day of the inauguration of the long-awaited Temple, she caused him to oversleep. The entire nation was waiting for their King on this momentous occasion to come and lead the ceremony, not knowing that he was out of commission. Apparently, his mother, Batsheva, had a grasp on what was taking place. She had a sixth sense that mothers possess which led to her uneasy feeling. Mothers have a certain intuition about their children. (If I sneeze, my mother, who happens to be on the other side of town, will call me up and demand that I put on my sweater.)

So Batsheva storms the King’s bedroom with the heel of her shoe in hand. She hits her son, King Solomon, scolding him, “What are you doing? Get up! The people are waiting!”

Satan is trying to spoil the fun. He doesn’t want the transition to go smoothly for he knows that transition in life is a form of elevation.

Everything has a reason. It was time for the passing of Miriam which propelled the end of the miracle waters that sustained the Israelites. In essence G-d was preparing the Jews to enter the Promised Land. It was designed that way, for them to start fetching water and food for themselves. However they still had a small weakness in their trust in G-d, and they felt that they were not ready to proceed to this next stage, of living outside the direct confines and support of G-d. This lack of trust was magnified by entering into the transition phase of their next mission in life.
One has to be careful when something positive or negative occurs in their lives, for that is a transition phase and we are vulnerable to error. Furthermore, even a vacation or a drive to the country can cause a slight confusion. There are those who are not the same people when they go on vacation or business trips. Perhaps for this reason one has to recite a special prayer, Tefilat HaDerech-the journey prayer.

One has to reaffirm his commitment to G-d and, most importantly, to himself.

HAVE A SAFE SUMMER

Dealing with life and death

April 17, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of  Rabbi’s,Yisschar Frand, Baruch Dopelt, Aharon Tendler Dr. Abba Goldman

 

Sassoon children

In this week’s parsha we read about the sudden tragic and untimely death of Aharon’s two sons Nadav and Avihu, the air apparent to Moshe and Aharon, the leaders of Israel. There have been many reasons given of why they died, however, perhaps it might be interesting to explore and possibly learn a lesson on to reconcile with passing of a loved one or prepare for our departure after a hundred and twenty years.

Most people are afraid of death and dying, and almost none of them ask themselves, “Why?” “Why are we afraid of death and dying?” It seems that something that must happen to everyone should have gained a degree of acceptance that mitigates the fear. Yet, we are afraid.
Some will explain that the fear of death is the fear of pain. Granted, that is true for those who unfortunately die in pain; however, there are many who peacefully pass away in their sleep, seemingly in painless journey to the next stage of their existence. Yet, we are afraid.
There are those who will explain the fear of death as the fear of the unknown. In general we fear change and we fear the untried or untested; yet, there are many who thrive on adventure and exploration, and it seems that the after-life is the greatest adventure possible. This adventure is ingrained in us as a result of being exposed to popular science fiction storylines involve exploring “to boldly go where no man has gone before”, the afterlife.
Others will explain the fear of death as the fear of not living. Life is filled with opportunities for accomplishment and love. Who wouldn’t wish to be present at their grandchild or hopefully great-grandchild’s wedding and beyond? Who wouldn’t wish the added time to learn one more page of Talmud, do one more Chessed (kindness), hear one more symphony or nigun (tune), read one more classic, or admire one more majestic display of G-d’s natural grandeur?
Perhaps, one is afraid of dying because he missed an opportunity. Being sensitive enough to grasp the subtle message that G-d is trying to convey throughout our lifetime might not be so easy. Perhaps, that’s our task in this world. So it seems like before we continue with dealing with death one must know how to live!!!  
The Talmud relates a story of Rebbi Eliezer ben Dordia who was a womanizer to say the least. He was under the impression that every woman was permissible to him. One of his conquests made a chance remark one time, with a snickering expression, alluding to the fact that his actions in his lifetime will never enable any repentance to be accepted and he’ll never see the gates in heaven. In one’s lifetime there are few, very few times, where words pierce the heart. Her words had such a powerful effect on him that he sat down on a mountain and cried until he died. A heavenly voice proclaimed, “R Eliezer did repentance and has entered the World to Come”.
What is mind boggling is what  the Talmud conveys next. The Talmud continues describing how Rebbi cried after hearing the story. Everybody in the study hall wondered why was he crying? He should have been joyous towards R’ Eliezer. R’ Eliezer ben Dordia had raised himself from the degrading cesspool in life, to a place in heaven in an instant, wow!! R’ Eliezer ben Dordia was able to capitalize on the feeling in which he was so overwhelmed by the words of his companion in sin.
So why was Rebbi crying when he heard the story of R’ Eliezer? Rebbi didn’t cry for R’ Eliezer’s sake, but rather for all of humanity. Each one of us experiences a moment of awakening that is capable of impacting one’s entire life. Yet only one in a thousand, in fact, utilizes the moment. Most of us miss a chance; that is the very reason why we were put on this earth. This is why Rebbi cried.
 Perhaps, this is what we should be afraid of when our time is up. There will be nothing more embarrassing than to face the Creator and be seen one’s potential that was not taken.
In order to better understand the concept of death one should be aware of an interesting topic in our Torah.
 “Tell the Israelites to procure for you a red heifer that is free from every blemish and defect and on which no yoke has ever been laid…” (Bamidbar. 19:2ff).
One of the biblical conditions for the rebuilding of the Third Temple in Jerusalem may have perhaps been met recently when a red heifer was discovered in the United States.
In January 2014 a red heifer, or Parah Adumah, was born to a cow herding family in an undisclosed location in the US, who wish to see the animal used for the purity service during the preparations for the rebuilding of the Third Temple.
The family has reportedly not marred or maimed the animal in any way, nor will they be using the animal for work or feeding it any growth hormones. All this to comply with Jewish law of keeping the animal as nature created it. It should be under strict watch until it reaches 3 years old.
The red heifer is a cow whose coat has no more than one single hair of any color other than red, and whose skin, hoofs, and eyelids are all also reddish. The Red Heifer is an extremely rare creature. The uniqueness of the red heifer, aside from its irregularity in nature – there has not been a red heifer born in Israel in over 2,000 years.
Strict rules also apply to its color. Two single hairs of a color other than red automatically disqualify it from becoming a Red Heifer. A Red Heifer candidate that was discovered in 2000 was disqualified after two black hairs were found on it.
Likewise, a cow that meets all other criteria, but is older than four is disqualified. The present calf has a long way until, if at all, it will become a real Red Heifer.
The discovery of a red calf that could potentially become a Red Heifer-Parah Adumah excites many Jews who believe that Moshe prepared the first Red Heifer and Mashiach will prepare the last one.
Parah Adumah is the classic example of a Torah law which seems to have –at least for us — no rationale. When a person comes into contact with a dead body he becomes ‘tameh’, “spiritually impure”, and the only way for him to regain his state of purity is to be sprinkled with the water which was mixed with the ashes of the Parah Adumah, the Red Heifer, which make him ‘tahor’ -“spiritually clean” once again. The topic of the red cow is very confusing: although it can purify the impure, the people who are involved in the process of preparing and administering the ashes of the Red Heifer become impure. Therefore, it remains the quintessential ‘chok’ – “a law without an apparent reason”.
Or Hachaim Hakadosh says, that Parah Adumah is the mainspring of performing commandments without rationale and therefore its labeled “the Chok of the Torah” [Bamidbar 19:2] . This Commandment embodies the very essence of Torah. Why? Because Torah –no matter how much we delve into its laws and no matter how much we try to understand it — ultimately presents a religion which one must practice even though he does not understand the why and the wherefore. The basis of accepting Torah is “We will do and we will listen” [Shmot 24:7]. One has to be prepared to accept even without fully understanding. That is why the verse emphasizes “This is the Chok of the Torah”. This law personifies Torah. This law teaches what Torah is all about: we must do it even if we don’t understand.
Our next question is: why is this particular law used to teach us this principle?
Forbidden mixtures (sha’tnez) are a chok; Milk and Meat is a chok; there are dozens of ‘chukim.’ Yet this is THE law that represents the fulfillment of Torah even when we do not understand. Why Parah Adumah?
Rabbi Yissachar Frand saw an interesting interpretation in the Shemen HaTov. Our Sages tell us that this world received a terrible punishment called ‘Death’ as a result of the incident with the Tree of Knowledge. Up until Adam and Chava ate from that tree, there was not supposed to be anything in this world called ‘Death’. Once they violated the prohibition to consume the fruit of that tree, Death descended into the world.
What was the key behind the sin of the Tree of Knowledge? It was so that “You may be like Elokim — knowing Good and Evil” [Bereishis 3:5]. The motivating factor behind that original sin was because people wanted to know ‘Why’. The snake fueled Chava’s curiosity.
Man does not want to be a robot. He has curiosity. He has a desire (ta’avah) to know ‘Why’. That passion led to the sin of the Tree of Knowledge. As a result of that we received an appropriate punishment — death. How does one deal with death? When one has confronted death, he needs to subsequently confront the Parah Adumah, the Red Heifer. The Parah Adumah represents our inability to know why.
That is why this is the appropriate punishment for the sin of the Tree of Knowledge. Man’s burning desire to know why – led him to death, and death makes man deal with the Parah Adumah, which teaches him that he cannot always know why. That is what life does about — sometimes not know why. That is why specifically this mitzvah represents the essence of what Torah is about: doing, even without necessarily knowing why we are doing.
At times of personal tragedy it is common for the individual to question G-d’s foresight. We feel that pain and loss justify the challenges and excuse the occasional lack of civility. Certainly, we cannot judge those who challenge G-d or society when it is due to personal loss or pain. However, even pain requires a perspective. The story of Nadav and Avihu provides the perspective.
In the aftermath of their deaths, the verse states, “Vayidome Aharon – and Aharon was silent.” What does Vayidome mean? It means acceptance. Aharon’s silence did not indicate a lack of emotion or feeling. It revealed the profundity of his personal devotion and sense of responsibility. As the Kohain Gadol he did not have the luxury of venting his pain. At the time of his inauguration, at the time of the lighting of the Mizbeach, he would not voice feelings that challenged G-d and served his own emotional needs. Instead he was silent.
Aharon was not the only one who was silent. Elazar and Isamar, the brothers of Nadav and Avihu, were also silent. They too had suffered a terrible personal tragedy and they too remained silent. Moshe was their uncle and teacher. He too had suffered a terrible personal loss. He too contained his feelings and remained silent.
In 11:2 Rashi writes, “At that moment, G-d’s directive to teach the Bnai Yisroel the laws of the Kosher and the non-Kosher animals, fish, and fowl was directed to all of them (Moshe, Aharon, Elazar, and Isamar) equally. Why? Because they were all equal in their silence and they had all accepted G-d’s decree with love.” G-d rewarded the family of Aharon with the opportunity of teaching the Bnai Yisroel the laws of Kashrut. Why was this their just reward for their silence in the face of personal tragedy?
Kashrut is one of classic “Chukim – statutes.” Although the Torah tells us that the laws of Kashrut are intended to “Make us holy – to set us apart from the other nations – to be Kadosh – nevertheless, it does not reveal why each individual item was permitted or forbidden. Why beef but not ham? Why Gefilta fish but not lobster quiche? Yet, Kashrus, more so than any other category of Mitzvot, dominates the religious life style of the Jew.
As with all the Mitzvot, personal preference does no enter into the equation. 
Kashrus is all the time. At home, the office, on airlines, in the Far East, and Queens Blvd. Kashrut is the standard of the observant Jew.
Just as the Kohain must serve the nation and not himself, so too, must the Jew be identified by the standards of our nation and not his personal cravings.
Because Aharon, Elazar, and Isamar set aside their personal pain and grief and accepted G-d’s devastating decree in silence and love, they merited joining Moshe in teaching the laws of Kashrut.
There is no doubt that a loved one’s passing will always be missed. When my father passed away, Rabbi Yitzchak Aminoff, who had lost his father when he was a teenager, said to me that he still feels a certain pain even now and he’s a great grandfather. 
Sitting shiva for my father, in Israel, where many of my relatives reside almost twelve years ago, I will never forget an incident.  I dosed off briefly and I saw a tall bald man approach me. He bent over and touched my hand; it was very comforting as I quickly awakened. I looked around and no one was in the vicinity except my mother and uncle, who had also dosed off, sitting shiva  next to me. The moment was a mystery till recently when I realized that as a child I always envisioned G-d as Bald. I kind of sensed that I knew, back then that it was who it is but I was in denial. If one tells you that he had contact with G-d then I equate him with the individual in the fifth avenue station who constantly brags he has conversation with G-d. Regardless if it was HE or just a desperate subconscious leap for comfort, I was in tremendous pain, considering how close I was with my father.
 Many have said to me “death is part of life”. We brought this punishment upon ourselves. But, now we see there is an added punishment that pertains to “tree of knowledge” devastation and that is “why” will never be answered until the future days where all our questions will have an explanation and G-d will lift the terrible sanctions and we will, not only, be death free, but also reunite with our deceased loved ones…..Amen.