This week in the portion of the Torah we’re introduced to Abraham, the first Father of Judaism. He’s known to have many virtues, one of which is kindness. To commemorate Abraham’s ability to enhance and popularize the trait of kindness, a story must be told about a few of his descendants. One would think Abraham, our Father, would be proud of them.
Rabbi Joel was coming back from a conference in New Jersey where he figured he’d stop at the cemetery to visit the grave of his father, since it’s conveniently on the way. As he was saying tehilim at the grave site, he notices a family burying their loved one, not far away from his father’s grave. It didn’t seem they were observant and were having a hard time with some of the rituals.
After Rabbi Joel finished saying tehilim, he walked over to the family and said ‘Can I offer you my help, I’m a Rabbi”. After getting a nod of approval, he immediately helped with the rituals and then gathered ten Men and asked the sons of the deceased to say kaddish. Unfortunately, they seemed disinterested with saying the prayer that is said for the deceased and gave him permission to finish off the ceremony himself. Rabbi Joel proceeded to say kaddish and finished the necessary customs of burying the dead. On the way back on the Belt Parkway, he felt a tremendous uplifting feeling having helped out a perfect stranger getting buried properly according to Jewish law. Through the ride back, he couldn’t stop to think about the name of the deceased, ‘Sam Rosenberg’.
That evening as Rabbi Joel was curiously looking up Sam Rosenberg’s name on the internet for any information, he gets a call from his Rabbi. After some casual greetings, he decides to tell his Rabbi the act of kindness he did earlier that day. ‘I can’t seem to find out anything about Sam Rosenberg from Staten Island’ Rabbi Joel said in frustration. ‘What’s his name?’ his Rabbi asked. ‘Sam Rosenberg from Staten Island, why do you know him?’ Let me tell you about Sam Rosenberg from Staten Island. Thirty five years ago, I was a young rabbi convincing parents from a secular background to place their child in Yeshiva. The parents half heartedly agreed as long as it was free. I was handed a list of rich-well-to-do businessmen whom might be gracious enough to help. After a few hours, I called Sam Rosenberg who’s name was half way down the list. I began to go through my pitch on how important it is to give these boys a Jewish education and we need people who can commit long term for their studies. I told him, I have five boys that need the financial help. He said to me ‘I can only finance one; THAT ONE WAS YOU!
There is an old expression, ‘What goes around, comes around’. Be aware, Baruch Hashem, kindness is contagious.
Taken by the lectures of Rabbi Issac Olbaum
|
Archive for September 2013
A Warning for Computer Lovers
There is a primary concern over an addiction, which has been spiraling out of control, and that is the use of the internet. The damage this addiction can do is something many are unaware of, although one can argue that the knowledge one can attain from the internet is enormously unlimited. There are the shiurim of Torah one can see live or taped. Maybe read a newsletter email like this one with a cup of coffee and a quick thought, and one can have an instant schmooze on the weekly parsha (although one can say it’s not a quick thought as I proclaim, but the time span is more like a cup of coffee and a seven course meal).
I was once stopped at a wedding where a woman said she listens to my shiurim on Torahanytime.com on a Friday in the kitchen while preparing for Shabbat; that’s cool, the chickens and me. Here is a woman who utilizes her time to the maximum. She’s preparing for Shabbat as well as pulling in a shiur (as long as her young kids are taking a nap). In a high demanding New York environment, we have to squeeze as much juice from the demanding lifestyle, Kol Hakavod! So, we see the internet could be a tremendous benefit. However, it can be dangerous.
Pornography is easily accessible at your fingertips. People can lose track of time by getting caught up in so many seductive areas. Chat rooms are especially tempting for women meeting random gentiles online, although indirectly, and it’s only typing; but shockingly, one hears stories of one thing leading to another and they are frequently alarming. The addiction of gambling is especially abused on the internet. One can categorize them, day-trading being one of them. We are obsessed at looking at people doing things where we are left inactive and not practicing our social skills properly. There used to be an expression describing excessive TV watchers as ‘couch potatoes’; computer watchers should be called chair potatoes. Those of us, who use the computer for constructive purposes for job-related or intellectual stimulation, have forgotten about our physical bodies. Does anybody remember how to do a pushup? The sages say that after 120 years, the body and soul will separate. We’re a little early for that, aren’t we? Rightfully so, the New York Board of Health is concerned over obese children because of too much computer time. Now they’re putting two evils into one with the invention of the smart-phone; a computer and a phone.
I remember a number of years ago when I was in the jewelry industry in the city, I left my phone in my office. I must say it was quite relaxing; I felt liberated. But I’ll be the first to say, I need all that technology. But as Dr. Goldman (psychologist for Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim) says, ‘Don’t let it run you, you run it’.
We have a tremendously difficult task ahead of us, especially when technology is getting more and more enticing. The key is ‘control’. We have to control ourselves so it won’t get out of hand. |
Tribute to Ari Haimoff
It saddened me to hear of the passing of Mr. Ari Haimoff. He was a very important man in the development of a group of twenty Bukharian Israeli families in the early 1960′s to mid 1970′s.
As a person born in this country, it’s hard to imagine what immigrants go through, whether it is the new language, the new culture and so forth. Our parents were immigrants. It wasn’t like today where whole communities migrate at the same time. I remember my father telling me how one day he heard Hebrew on one of the streets of 63rd Drive. He ran towards the person to greet him.
We actually learn in next week’s parsha, that even though G-d told Abraham to go to a different land and promised him a better life, he still found it hard to leave; it was one of his tests. As kids, we sensed that our parents were uncomfortable and were having a hard time adjusting. It was easy for us to communicate with the natives; after all, we too were ‘crazy Americans’. However, they had a tough time.
Ariye, as he was called, had charisma and was able to captivate an audience by being a tremendous orator. Bukharians have a tradition to make a yartzeit a bit more elaborate. Back then there weren’t many of us and the yartzeit dinner would take place at the home. We would all gather there whether it is a sense of obligation for the deceased or just for our parents to share the company of their own kind. I still remember the nicely set up table and coshkalich (rounded sugary dough with the confectionary sugar customary at yartzeits). Every time Ariye Haimoff would speak, it would always bring joy to our parents. He would say nice things about the deceased. He would joke about the Americans. He would say some Divrei Torah and would talk about the past. He had the ability to strike an emotional cord, whether it is laughter and tears all in one speech! Our parents, homesick as they were, enjoyed this spark plug called Ariye. He brought the small-knit-group closer which was important. It was the support group that they needed and Mr. Haimoff helped wedge these families together. I remember at my Bar Mitzvah how he danced and made people laugh.
I didn’t realize how uncomfortable these immigrants were until my parents and I went to Israel shortly after my Bar Mitzvah. My father and I took a walk on the streets of Florentine, Tel Aviv, my father’s old neighborhood. I noticed a transformation in my Pop, which was tremendously pleasant to see. Pop was walking, not needing a GPS, saying hello, shaking hands, and joking with everybody with complete confidence. For those two weeks, he wasn’t the lost, ‘no speak English’ immigrant. He was a lion in his hometown. Then I realized the sacrifices they had to take to live in America.
At my father’s one-year yartzeit, six and a half years ago in Israel, Ariye Haimoff spoke with such emotion; he had tears rolling down his eyes. He mentioned when he first came to America, my father took him (like many others) to see the Lubavitcher Rebbi for a bracha. He spoke of those years in Queens and how much hope they had for a better life and how young and vigorous they felt.
I can truly say how much I miss my Pop and that generation. We learned from them how to handle adversity, how to raise our own family, and how to make the best of what we have. This warmhearted group of pioneers helped shape our lives. |
A Lesson From A Happy New Year Greeting
I had the pleasure of receiving this text before Rosh Hashanah from a friend and I would like to share it with you.
“10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have no jobs, no hope, and no cash, Happy new year!!” My first reaction was that of laughter and I immediately texted back to the sender, David Richter, in appreciation for making me chuckle. However, a little while later I realized it could connote a doom and gloom message that life was better then, and now it stinks. Although we definitely have something to worry about with the economy, and everybody has his or her load, there is a valid argument to be down and out. Every aspect of life has a positive and negative side; nostalgia too, is no exception. Many people who know me would tell you I’m pretty fond of the past. Although I disagree with my wife that dwelling in the past will do me no good, I feel that the past energizes oneself (as long as he had a positive past experience) and elevates every aspect of his personality. Thinking of the family one comes from, the experiences which one can learn valuable lessons and apply them to today’s times, or even thinking of good times one had with friends and loved ones, and feel WOW I was fortunate to have good times with family and friends … remembering those experiences gives a warm satiated feeling.
However, nostalgia can also be negative and one of the classic examples is from the book of Bamidbar. The Israelites were in the desert and were complaining to Moshe their leader ‘there is no meat’. They said ‘Why did you bring us here? We were better off in Egypt where we had meat and it was good’. Rashi (one of the main commentaries on the Torah) is in wonderment. ‘What are they talking about? First of all, Egypt was a strictly fish dietary society, no meat. Secondly, the Egyptians gave the slaves (Jews) only onions. No fish was given. Where did they get this meat?
One must be aware that the human psyche has a way of sugarcoating the past to an extent that one thinks he had something he never had. This is done deliberately by the evil powers to convey that the past was great, the present stinks, and this sorry person of a soul is living a miserable life resulting, most likely to depression. This is the primary goal of these evil sources.
Madison Avenue is aware of this. Does one remember the classic Coke ad campaign? The delicious Coke from the past, with the old looking cans, are the best.
What one has to realize is that there are good times and bad times in every period. One has to realize this especially now!! Today!! You might be living a wonderful part in your life and you’re too down to realize it; that would be a great shame.
One has to appreciate at least some of the things and people in his life because it might not or they might not be there for long. |
Sufganiyot – Jelly Donuts
I thought my sweet-tooth days were over. A few years ago, I started to put a pinch of cinnamon in one of my morning cups of coffee, and a little while later I realized my desire for sweets decreased. I freed myself from the long stares at the Entenmanns section at the supermarket. The customary sweet-something after a meal was no more. Even my Shabbat sweet treat was a thing of the past. There was a period where I would taste a cookie and be able to tell what bakery it’s from and the territory covered was Brooklyn, Queens, and the City. Impressive, huh!
This past Chanukah I happened to go, unconsciously, to quite a few places all around town, and purchased donuts for my kids and for the guys at my shiur. Well, with a taste here and a taste there, quite a bit of good donuts were consumed. But what did me in were the donuts I had at Wassermann’s. I just lost it; it was very good. The donuts were full of jelly and it didn’t taste too syrupy. I couldn’t stop; I must have had…oops my wife is going to read this, let’s just say it was a nice Chanukah. It didn’t help the situation that Wassermann’s was open till 1:00 am and I just happened to be passing by.
B”H I went back to the decreased sugar regiment. But I would like to ask the readers, what was the best jelly donuts you’ve tried over the holidays? Please write back your response, everything is confidential. |
Overview of Sefer Bereishit
The accomplishment of finishing something is always sweet, and this week we conclude the book of Bereishit. The beauty of learning the Chumash (Bible) is that one can study the same passage when you’re in grade school and as an adult, and come out fulfilled. I remember how proud I was in finishing the book of Bereishit in early grade school and the whole class screaming the signature conclusion that one finds in any scripture ‘chazak chazak venitchazek’. The classmates would then add jokingly ‘my mother baked a chocolate cake and in the cake there was a rake’. If one had to summarize or give an underlying theme of the book of Bereishit, what would it be? Perhaps, one may say, it’s seeking the truth.
The first memory of this concept is Abraham who experimented in many areas in his pursuit of the truth and coming to the conclusion of a monotheistic G-d. How many of you remember this beautiful Midrash? (story from the oral Torah). On one occasion, he was given the task of watching over his father’s pagan-idol shop. When his father came back, he found all the idols broken except the biggest one, holding an ax. He asked Abraham ‘what happened?’ He replied, ‘the big one got angry at the rest and broke them all’. The father in disbelief answered back ‘their incapable’. Abraham answered if you don’t believe it’s true, why do you make them out to be powerful Gods?
There is a riveting storyline of truth in Parshat Vayeshev, when Yehuda was rewarded and became the leader of the Jews. This is because it was extremely tempting to lie and hide what really transpired. However, he admitted his participation in sleeping, unknowingly, with his widowed daughter-in-law. The daughter-in-law was in the right because she was legally bound to Yehuda’s family. The revelation of truth produced, through that union, the seeds of the Moshiach.
In the book of Bereishit, we learn how sensitive one should be when confronting issues between husband and wife. G-d teaches us that sometimes truth is meant not to be told. When good news arrived via the angels, that Abraham and Sarah will have children, Sarah had doubts ‘how can we have children, my husband is so old?’ G-d asked Abraham in a later conversation, altering what his wife said, why did Sarah say ‘how can we have kids, I’m so old?
Sometimes, lies and impersonations are required in order to maintain and preserve integrity in the world. Straight-laced Yaacov, the epitome of truth, had to lie and go against his character, his whole philosophy of life and impersonate his brother, Eisav, in order to get a crucial blessing from his father.
Apparently, right from the beginning, we find the snake putting doubt in Eve’s mind, taking advantage of the lie Adam told her, in order to seduce her. Although Adam used the lie in order to protect her from eating from the tree, it backfired.
It seems like the concept of truth has been in a tug of war, fighting for preservation throughout the entire book of Bereishit. The Torah teaches us when to use it and when not to. Although it’s a bit complex, perhaps the teachings of Rav Henoch Leibowitz z’l, would shed some light with this very clear message. ‘Who is a man of truth, one who recognizes the good and appreciates what G-d has done for him’. He continues, ‘ever wonder why Yehuda was able to persevere and tell the truth under extreme difficult circumstances, because when he was born, his mother named him Yehuda – in appreciation; ‘I appreciate that G-d gave me a wonderful child. She acquired the trait of appreciation and instilled it in her son, and he reciprocated and became royalty in G-d’s eyes. |
First Born
In this week’s parsha, the last in the book of Sefer Bereshit, we see a very interesting pattern, the rejection of the first-born. When Yosef brought his two sons for a blessing from Yaacov, his father, who was old and ready to pass on, he did something very peculiar. Yaacov crossed his arms so that Efraim, who was the youngest, would be under his right hand and Menashe, who was older and purposely placed by Yosef at his grandfather’s right, got the left. Yaacov, who emphasized that Menashe also received a nice bracha, gave the more important blessing to Efraim.
We see through history that the first born, the well-respected elder, receives double the inheritance, losing, on many occasions, the status in which he inherited. This was apparent in the first generation of the world; Cain was the oldest; however Hevel got the reward. We know that Shem, (where our ancestors come from) one of three sons of Noach, was not the first-born. Abraham passed the baton to Isaac, the youngest, and not to Yishmael. The same is said about Isaac’s sons, Eisav, who was the bechor, but Yaacov was the brother chosen. Reuben, the eldest of the twelve tribes, neither got the first-born rights, the kingdom nor the kehuna (high priest).
First and foremost, the Torah is trying to emphasize, even though the first-born has changed the status of man and has made him a father of this precise bechor, nevertheless, the bechor has to earn the benefits that has been bestowed upon him. There’s an express, no job is safe. Apparently, it’s a demanding role and has to be maintained to the highest standard, or else he loses it.
Let’s examine the first-born. The obvious question asked, is there a general personality?
When the Jews were about to enter Israel, the tribes of Reuben, Gad and half of Menashe, wanted to settle outside Israel proper in trans-Jordan for financial gains. Moshe reluctantly agreed, but felt it was beneath them to make such a request. It just so happens that Reuben, Gad, and Menashe are all first born. In the old world, whether Jewish or not, the first born were not only the head of the family but regarded as the high priests, the ones closest to G-d. However, the spiritual status changed with the sin of the golden calf. The first born, the high priests, were responsible for the actions of the people and they failed to lead by example. Therefore, the status was taken away from them and given to the Levites who were not part of the sin.
Rabbi Yisroel Reisman quotes the Niztiv. When Yaacov was giving the brachot before his death, the passage quotes Yaacov in describing his dethroned bechor, Reuben, as ‘pachad mayim’ – rushed waters. This typifies Reuben’s character, as well as many first born, of one of tremendous energy, and when given the chance and the ability to focus, have tremendous drive to accomplish. Apparently, on occasions, they get so involved in what they are doing, they lose control (what happened to Eisav). Rabbi Reisman calls this type “A” personality – capable of achieving tremendous strides, very competitive under pressure, but the impulsive nature could be problematic.
Rabbi Reisman stresses that the key to the successes of the bechor is what history has designated him to be. His mission can only be fruitful if he goes through spirituality. This is what the first-born was meant to be. If his drive for materialistic needs is primary, then he is doomed for failure; only through spiritual channels will he succeed. If any one of those mentioned above would have dedicated more time to G-d, the Zohar says the scope of our history would have been different.
Why does the Tamar Incident Stand Out for Yehuda?
Why is Yehuda’s reward so great? As a reward for his handling of the incident of Tamar, he received tremendous “brawny” points in this world and the next. Yaacov, his father, blessed him that he would be the king. His descendants–and only his descendants– are to be the monarchs. However, if one carefully thinks of what happened, would anybody in their right mind give the green light to burn three innocent people in Tamar and the twins that she is carrying?
Before we answer this question let’s present a little background. Tamar, Yehuda’s widowed daughter-in-law, was tossed aside and not offered the opportunity to remarry and have children in this family. Yehuda was concerned for the safety of his last son. When bad luck strikes, one cuts their losses and severs contacts. Perhaps this was Yehuda’s intentions. Tamar took action. Showing tenacity and cleverness, she disguised herself as a prostitute and lured Yehuda into having relations with her and he had no idea it was his daughter-in-law. Months later, it was discovered that she’s pregnant. Yehuda, figuring she had relationship with someone outside his family, demanded a trial where, if found guilty, she would be punished with death. At the trial where basically everyone was present, Tamar produced Yehuda’s stick. She told Yehuda and all the other people “whoever this stick belongs to is the one responsible for my pregnancy”. Yehuda then realized it was he who had impregnated her.
Tamar put the ball in his court. No one knew whose stick it was except for Yehuda and Tamar. For Yehuda, who was considered a man of prominence, to go to a prostitute, was considered very demeaning. If it were disclosed at the trial that it was indeed Yehuda, he would have been the laughingstock of the town. Yehuda then acknowledged in public that indeed it was he who was responsible for his daughter-in-law’s pregnancy. Now any person with integrity would have saved these people (Tamar and unborn twins) from death. So why was Yehuda’s action singled out?
Many people, especially leaders, welcome self-improvement. They want to be the best they can be. However, they will improve in a more private setting. No one wants to show their vulnerability. Many of us will rationalize that if I get embarrassed, it will be a strike against G-d as well, since I’m in a highly esteemed position and I’m Jewish. Our Jewishness will be slighted and embarrassed. It’s not me that I’m concerned about, it’s the company, the cause, the system etc. It will not benefit anybody if we disclose our mishaps. Once one’s reputation is on the line, they can rationalize that perhaps I’m not so guilty. Subconsciously, they want to justify their actions because their integrity and ego is in question.
Yehuda, as a judge, had numerous ways to re-direct the situation and everybody will come out looking clean. One should know that the essence of repentance is the acknowledgement of wrong-doing. He was one of the first individuals in the history of the world to publicly do repentance. Yehuda didn’t hesitate; he blurted out TZADKA MIMENI- SHE WAS RIGHT. I take responsibility for my mistake. It was not just to keep her alive, but also to emphasize that she was right in her actions. He wasn’t afraid to disclose the truth. He did not find a way to hide or cover the truth. This is the essence of his name, “acknowledgement”. Yehuda personifies what truth is all about. He is not afraid to show the world that he erred. In fact, he stepped forth in order to show that one has to correct himself. This is a true sign of leadership.
How to Combat the Evil Eye
Do you believe in the evil eye? Do you believe that it has an influence on life? Born and bred in the United States, one is trained to think that the evil eye is superstition. It is categorized together with walking under a latter or crossing the street when a black cat crosses your path. However, coming from a Bukharian, Sephardic etc. background, staying away from the evil eye was and is a significant part of our lives. Can one remember the remedy of boiling metal and spilling it in to a pot of water forming a shape, over the head of the one who is the victim of the evil eye? Boy, that was pretty creepy; that’s spooky stuff!! It seems like Bukharians have a whole cookbook of remedies for AYIN HARA!!
The Talmud approaches the subject of the evil eye very seriously. Rav says in tractate Baba Metzia, “99% of deaths have occurred from the result of the evil eye”. One has to say that I am from the genealogy of Yosef!! The Passuk says: “BEN PORAT YOSEF, BEN PORAT ALEH AHYIN”. Aleh Ahyin means that Yosef is above the radar, above the eye, and therefore not affected by the evil eye. Yosef is compared to the fish of the sea. Just like fish can’t be seen because they’re under the water, so too regarding the genealogy of Yosef.
The question is asked, “are we not mostly from the tribe of Yehuda and Benyamin”? How can we say that we are from Yosef?
When the brothers came down to Egypt with their families, it was Yosef who financed them, he took care of them. He treated them in a way similar to that of a teacher or Rabbi who teaches and takes care of his students as they are transformed under his umbrella.
Why does Yosef have protection against the evil eye? Yosef was very careful not to invade other’s belongings. The wife of Potiphar belonged to Potiphar. Yosef, with all his strength, protected himself from not looking or touching her. That’s not mine!! I can’t have it! Therefore, as measure for measure, no one can touch or invade him and his belongings.
How does the evil eye, the AYIN HARA, work?
This world is a mirror image of what occurs in the heavens. There is a lot of traffic going back and forth. For example, music is rooted in the seventh chamber of heaven, called ARAVOT. When one feels good because he heard a nice tune, it’s because it trickles down from the roots in heaven, and then we enjoy it in its earth bound destination. This concept applies to all things. In other words, we have to connect to the roots, the source. So in order to fight AYIN HARA, we have to look to the heavens. If one sees his friend succeeding financially or has a beautiful wife and nice kids and he’s in wonderment, even in a pleasant way, he cuts the roots. One has to say to himself that this has been given by G-d. G-d did this. One has to be mindful that his wonderment of others’ opens the door for people to look at him and give him the evil eye!! If he says “this is from G-d” then he connects to the roots and does not allow AYIN HARA to affect him.
Finding a job can be challenging. Let’s say that one finds a dreamlike position. If he feels that he worked hard and he accomplished it through his power, without the intervention of the heavens, then he cuts the root of parnassa. That’s not the mindset one should have.
Yosef’s name at times is spelled with a HEY YEHOSEF. The HEY has the numerical value of 5. After many years, when Yaacov finally saw Yosef for the first time, Yaacov said Shema Yisrael. Shema is recited when putting the hand with its five fingers over the face.
When Yosef was born, Yaacov felt that now is the time to leave his father-in-law, Lavan’s, house, and face his brother Eisav. The scripture says that “he (Eisav) saw (with his eyes) Yaacov’s wives and children.” Who are these (wonderful beautiful people)”? Eisav asks. Yaacov’s reply was “these are the children that G-d gave”. Yaacov connected to the heavens therefore prevented the evil eye of Eisav from harming his family.
It seems that one has to have the right mind set when dealing with friends and acquaintances. If one has the proper attitude towards others, only then he will automatically be protected from the evil eye.