This past year, there were 1500 injuries and 400 serious injuries from road rage; some of which caused fatalities. It’s strange, but it seems like no one is immune to this increasing phenomena; even yours truly. I remember one morning last summer, while I was driving, a speeding vehicle buzzed past my car and the driver screamed, ‘Jew!!’ It was unexpected, so I jumped. Obviously, the driver’s intention was to purely shock and agitate me, and he accomplished his mission. What was surprising about the incident was my reaction. Instinctively, I was about to press on the acceleration pedal and ram my old jalopy 1996 Toyota Camry into him. Those brief moments were filled with all the emotions of startled surprise to rage. All I could think was “How dare you!!”. Seconds later, I came to my senses realizing I have a kippa on my head and I have to live up to a certain dignified standard. Also, why would I want this low-life in my life for any extended period; the few seconds that he was in view was enough. I hope with G-d’s help to never see him again. Lastly, I have a busy life as is, so I don’t need the headaches.
But to think, the scariest and most disappointing notion is that for those few seconds, I was tempted to violently react in the most horrific way. I was going to use the car, a vehicle that has helped transport my family and I to many productive functions, as a weapon of destruction. For those brief moments, I was not in control. I can’t help but think that if the scenario was slightly different and he would have agitated me a bit longer or if I had a rough morning before, would I have acted on those initial impulses?
What is it about driving that transforms mild-mannered, nice people into rash road-rage racers? I know many of these people. In real life, they are courteous, responsible and family oriented, I guess like myself! On the road they mutate into monsters. How? I think it has to do with the feeling of control. Take the wheel and you assume control. You direct and your car obeys. You choose the route, destination, travel time, speed and driving style. This is your journey. What you haven’t necessarily considered is that you don’t control the traffic volumes, the red lights, the drivers next to you or ahead of you. You actually control very little of the journey. When it doesn’t go as expected, you get upset, angry or even aggressive. And all because you thought you were in control. Interesting insight into life, this road rage is. Believe you’re in control and you’re bound to be frustrated; perhaps pseudo-control is the best description. Accept that there will always be variables outside of your control, and that your job is to know how to respond to them, and you will remain calm…and happy.
USE THE KIPPA AS A TOOL TO HELP ONE NOT TO OVER REACT OR……
Understandably, a kippa, which I obviously wore at the road rage incident, is a tool. It reminds oneself about the pride of being a Jewish mench (odam) and the ability we possess for self-restrain. With it, we have to adhere to a higher standard of behavior. We won’t let our emotions get the better of us. After all, this is one of the primary lessons we learn in Yeshiva – control your mind over emotions. I know many who take off their kippa’s in order to not have to live up to those standards. They want to behave in a decadent way, at least for the evening night out. “I’m on vacation from being civil”.
Although wearing a kippa brings out the best behavior in an individual, at times it can put us in a difficult predicament. Let’s take our example; when one wears a kippa and as a result is being singled out because of his “Jewishness”, does he fight back against anti-Semitism? What about protecting our pride and the pride of our people? Should we just be a bunch of wimps and not react?
We asked Dr. Goldman, a Psychologist at Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim, on how he explains road rage. He says we first have to understand what makes us so defensive and tempted to react. The doctor explains that the anger reaction stems from pride; the ego has been hurt. We have to learn from King David. When David ran away, Shimi ben Gera insulted him and he did not react right away. David didn’t allow “road rage” to take the better of him. This is a person who was able to control himself while in the moment. He didn’t give an immediate irrational response. Apparently, it was very difficult for him to control himself, but, because he represented G-d, he did.
Dr. Goldman said that one has to believe and say “I can take these insults. I’m okay. I’m not less of a person than I was before the insults.” It would be a sign of insecurity if one would let it get to him. Ah, but the kids are watching as I’m being insulted and I shouldn’t react? The good doctor says one should handle the insults with dignity, then the kids will respect you. You’re not a baby. Don’t let it bother you. If they see that you are not bothered and affected by those insults, they will respect you more. The notion of the ‘American cowboy’, to take care of him at the ‘OK coral’ is nonsense. One has to understand, one can lose everything in one moment. Is it worth it?
We see control is something one has to master. Interestingly the kippa and the car, in our story, were two tools that could have been used to benefit us or to hurt us. It’s up to us how we use them; they can be weapons or peacekeeper; that depends on us.
This is best illustrated by Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz famous discourse on parshat Noach titled ” Noach’s Arc”. Rav Chaim takes the concept of “the tools of life” to a different level.
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