How true are you to yourself? When a decision is made, is it decided fairly? Would it be possible that outside forces influence the choices that one makes? An important question has to be asked: How reliable are these outside forces? Do we have the power, the choice to avoid them, to block them out if we determine a no good decision will result if these outside sources are factored in?
There was a motion picture, many years ago, based on a true story called “Donny Brosko.” The film depicts an undercover police officer who infiltrates the mob. In the beginning of his assignment, the officer wore his badge while not undercover with pride; “I’m doing the right thing” was the impression he conveyed. There was a clear distinction between Right and Wrong – Good Guy versus Bad Guy. Dr. Goldman, the psychologist at Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim, says that even when there is a clear cut Right and Wrong, people are very sensitive and are affected by the social influences surrounding them! The spy is a lone believer in his values surrounded by those with diametrically opposed views. His only venue of expression is internal, given his hostile surroundings. This presents a major problem according to Dr. Goldman. While pretending to be somebody else with polar opposite values, often times the spy himself can wind up inevitably questioning his original set of values and ideologies. It takes a very high level of conviction and devotion to one’s own values to maintain such pretence over a period of time. “Frankly,” Dr. Goldman says, “it is almost impossible.” On a subconscious level, intellectual dishonesty does not sit well with human nature.
The police officer in the film did in fact begin to sympathize with some of the mob members. At a startling moment in the film, he smacks his wife which was tremendously out of character for his regular self. Was it possible that his true self was being sucked into his fictitious persona? Perhaps his intellectual armor was cracking and as with many, he begins to think and act like those around him. Perhaps he, like others, begins to actually embrace his new identity. After all, that’s the reason his superiors selected him in the first place, because they felt he would be “perfect” for the part.
At the conclusion of the film when the officer received his medal of citation for a successful mission by sending those mob members to prison, he conveyed an expression of uneasiness and a sense of guilt. What happened to his strong ideology? One has to realize the enormous difficulty of a spy’s mission. How difficult it is to maintain one’s beliefs and ideology in such an atmosphere!
It’s a scary thought to see one degenerate and act like the low life criminal which is quite contrary to one’s ideology. We often take pride in the hard work we have done to maintain a sophisticated, well mannered, educated and emphasizing strong Torah values. We like to label ourselves as Glatt-kosher because this is a value system we inherited from our parents or were taught by our Rabbis, teachers, society leaders. Can those ideologies change? Hey, we’re grown ups; we’re able to make our own rational decisions. Perhaps, that’s not so simple as it seams.
This is a testimony to that which the Rambam says [Hilchot Deos 6:1] (and that which is a sociological fact), namely “a person’s nature is to be drawn in his opinions and his actions after his friends and companions.” Man is the only creature who speaks. Man is a social animal who must interact, and in order to interact it is necessary for him to communicate. In order to communicate, man was given a form of intelligent speech. The downside of this trait is that man is greatly influenced by the speech and communication he receives from others. “Therefore,” the Rambam continues, “man must dwell amongst righteous and wise individuals so that he may learn from their actions and distance himself from the wicked who walk in the ways of darkness so that he not learn from their ways…” In short, the Rambam teaches that a person must be exceedingly careful regarding the company he keeps. Ultimately, a person will become who his neighbors and friends are. If the friends and neighbors are looking out for spiritual growth, then he too will grow spiritually. If the reverse is true, then the outcome will be reversed as well.
Sociological studies have been done where 20 people are in a room and 19 of the participants are “in” on the study and they are told to answer a question in a patently false way (e.g. – the orange is blue). Invariably, the 20th person, who is the actual subject of the study, when asked to answer the same question, answers it in a way that is absurd, just to make his answer correspond with that of everyone else in the room. So profound is the influence of society that something can be black and white and a person will change his response just to conform to everyone else!
Avery difficult to understand dialogue occurred between Avraham and Sarah in this week’s parsha.
“And it occurred, as he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai…”(12:11) As they approached Mitzrayim, Avraham asked Sarah to claim that she was his sister. This was to protect him from the Egyptians who might lust after Sarah, and kill him if they were to know that he was her husband. Why is it necessary for us to know that this discussion transpired as Avraham and Sarah drew close to their destination? Why, in fact, was an issue of such gravity not discussed prior to their departure from Eretz Canaan? The Midrash explains that as they neared their destination, Avraham became aware of Sarah’s exceptional beauty. Why is this the juncture where Avraham becomes aware of his wife’s beauty? Mitzrayim was a country notorious for the immoral and lascivious behavior of its inhabitants.3 Generally, an individual living in such a society would be affected, even if he himself would not indulge in any perverse behavior. Perhaps the Torah is teaching us that although a tzaddik of Avraham’s caliber would not be dragged down by the immorality of the society where he lives, the influence of the society does have a subtle effect on him. In Avraham’s case, this manifested itself in his becoming aware of his wife’s beauty.
1.12:11 2.Tanchuma 5 3.20:15
What is mindboggling; what is the nuance is Avraham and Sarah have not entered Egypt yet!!! They have not set foot on the degenerate soil. How then can the environment have influenced them? We can understand, perhaps, if they stayed just one night, there would be the air of contamination, however, they not only didn’t enter the ring, they didn’t enter the building.
Doctor Goldman is making us aware of a tremendous insight of human psychology. It seems like Avraham’s imagination ran ahead of him in anticipation of the kind of society they were about to embark. There were preconceptions going ahead on this difficult journey. It’s important to map out what we might expect as we embark on our trips. Similarly, when one is about to enter the aircraft taking him to the hot fun sun of Miami Beach; he will be wearing his Bermuda shorts and carry a beach ball under his coat; there will be constant thought of the warm sunny weather. His mindset is his spot on the beach. The cold weather of New York doesn’t bother him anymore. The snow outside the airport terminal is a non- factor. So we see: influence can occur before arriving.
We learn a very alarming aspect of our psychological make up. It seams like society has an impact on our decisions. Even more so, one is influenced just by the anticipation of entering that society and people!!
In the situation in our parsha, Avraham was correct in his assessment of the Egyptian society. His intuitive perception saved their lives.
It’s important that one always have ready trustworthy advisers that perhaps might put the situation in the proper perspective and it’s also important that one anticipates future destinations and is well prepared for the next journey.
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