Archive for Rabbi Avi Matmon

From a Mother to the World

August 22, 2013 Uncategorized No comments

 

 mother holding child

A friend, Ofir Haimov, sent me an email written by his cousin, Nilly Haimov, which I thought was very touching and I’d like to share it with you.

 

 

B”H

My parents are not getting better. I haven’t found a way to stabilize their condition, they are in their 80’s and there are many like them in the world today. I am a fighter, and I can make sacrifices for everyone. Right now I am sacrificing for me, for my parents, visiting doctors, intensive care units, hospital rooms with sleepless nights. All my children are not with me, all my friends are not with me, but my parents who need me now more then ever – are with me. Remember, once your loved ones leave it is too late to pick up the phone and hear their voice, it is too late to get a hug, it is too late to get to know them a little more so you can share stories about them; it is just too late.

 

In my life there was not much room for my parents. I was a dedicated wife, businesswoman, and mother traveling the world. Now, when my parents are at their last strengths, I am back to being with them. My parents accepted my worldly life; seems like they too thought this is what the world is all about. Now I pray that they forgive me for not giving them all they deserved, for not stopping everything and making sure they are happy and well.

 

In this world, putting our self aside is very hard, profession comes first, it’s an “all about me attitude”, my plans, my classes and my look; my comfort comes first so don’t expect me to give all that up. I am sorry that our world was brought up this way; I wish we could see things differently. For now, I say thank you for whatever I get because in this crazy world, it’s best not to expect, this way you aren’t disappointed. So from a not disappointed mother to the world, thank you for giving me this plate; it is the best meal for me, especially since G-d planned it.

 

You who are reading this – make sure your plate is set well, because each one of us eats what we have prepared. Hope your meal will be healthy and tasty, nourishing and educational.

 

Respectfully,

A Mother

P.S. What can we do differently? Put the business aside, the studies aside, the TV away, shut the internet off and find your loved ones that need you. Support them just for today and see what a great feeling you get. Can’t buy that at the mall, or get it in the movies; can’t even get it in class, you have to get it yourself!

 

 

 

During the 1960’s, there were approximately twenty Bukarian families living in New York, mostly in Queens. We were all very close, attending each other’s special occasions. The kids had a tremendous bond considering the unique similarities of being born in New York, raised by Israeli parents, but having a strong mystic connection through our parents to the Bukarian culture. Little did we children realize at the time, that our lives would go in different directions as we entered into adulthood. It’s been thirty plus years since I had any contact with Nilly. I have read many articles about this period of our lives. But, I guess hearing it by one of your own; someone who shared your childhood experiences and remembers your parents being young and vibrant – penetrates the heart.

 

 

Parshat Toldot

August 22, 2013 Highlights on the Weekly Parsha No comments
First Portion
*BEWARE OF THE CYNICS! GOTTA STAY AWAY FROM THOSE PEOPLE!! We learn an important lesson in the first line of the parsha. It says (25:19)” Yitzchak was the son of Avraham”. Then it says “Avraham gave birth to Yitzchak”. G-d goes out of his way to confirm that Yitzchak was indeed the son of Avraham. People might think that he was the son of King Avimelech. For so many years Avraham and Sarah lived together and were not able to produce children. Apparently, right after the incident where Sarah was secluded for some time with the King, she became pregnant. But it was really Avraham who fathered Yitzchak. One of the biggest miracles that occurred when G-d granted Avraham and Sarah a child was that Yitzchak was a spitting image of Avraham, in order to shut down any minuscule possibility that Yitzchak was not his son. G-d went out of his way not to diminish the miracle. The importance of maintaining KIDDUSH HASHEM exalting G-d name and what Judaism stands for is of the utmost importance. Perhaps, we have to maintain the decorum required for that high slandered of spirituality. However one idiotic sarcastic comment by some clown can ruin and compromise the biggest miracle. Unfortunately we are susceptible to believing the cynics. This kind of stuff sticks. Therefore we have to do whatever we can to preserve our religion.
* The Sages say, Yitzchak and Rivka prayed to have children. However, it was Yitzchak’s prayers that G-d heard resulting in Rivka’s pregnancy. Rashi explains, the reason is that Yitzchak was a tzadik ben tzadik, righteous the son of righteous, while Rivka was tzadeket bat rasha, righteous the daughter of wicked. The Taz asks, wait just one minute fellow!! Haven’t we learned that if someone comes from a secular background and becomes observant, G-d listens to their prayers wholeheartedly, more so then one who has been religious all his life? Apparently, Yitzchak’s biggest virtue was the intensity of his prayer. For this reason Rivka, when she first laid her eyes on Yitzchak, (he was in the middle of prayer) she fell off her camel out of awe and fear. She had never experienced someone pray like that.
* From the first moment of contact with Yitzchak, the tone of the relationship was set. It was much different then the open heart dialogue relationship of his parents Avraham and Sarah. In fact when Rivka inquired why she was in such great pain, because of the pregnancy, she did not go to her husband. She went to an outside kabalist whose name was Malki Tzedek, even though her husband was considered just as holy. Malki Tzedek informed her there are two great nations in her stomach. She never informed her husband of her consulting with the great Rabbi nor did she inform Yitzchak of what he said.
* Since Rivka complained of her pain from her pregnancy, she did not merit to be the mother of the twelve tribes in which she was destined to have.
*Yaakov and Eisav are the definition of good and evil. According to the Zohar, they were both born in order to bring the world to the level of the messianic time. Yaakov was to take the good in this world and elevate it to the highest level. Eisav was an ISH TZAYID, a hunter, who used trickery, to capture its prey. He was to influence people through being a fine actor and capture their heart back to G-d. But Eisav did not reach the standard that was set up for him, so Yaakov was assigned both tasks.
Second Portion
*There was a famine in the land resulting in Yitzchak and Rivka moving to Grar, the land of the Pilishtim. Yitzchak actually wanted to go down to Egypt, however G-d refused saying: “you will not leave the land of Israel”.
* It seems like our forefathers had great taste in picking good wives because this is the third time the narratives tells us that our fathers and mothers traveled out because of the famine and our mothers were forced to see the king. They were saved by G-d, unharmed. Personally I have this lingering question for years on the three peat of the similar occurrence. An email response with an answer would be greatly appreciated.
Third Portion & Fourth Portion
* The Pelishtim wanted to kill Yitzchak because he was penniless and poor when he arrived to their land. Then after he became financially successful, they still wanted to kill him. Many commentaries say this was an indication of anti-Semitism. When King Avimelech comes to him and asks that they sign a new treaty, or to re-affirm the one made with his father Avraham, Yitzchak rebukes him and says “You hate me why do you come to me? Avimelech response is one that we have heard through the course of history: “We have done you nothing but good, and we sent you away in peace”. He wants Yitzchak to appreciate the fact that he was not sent to a concentration camp, but was allowed to leave the country after his wells and his land was confiscated (Nachshoni).
Fifth Portion
* The fact that Avimelech came to Yitzchak after all he had done to him and requested a treaty, is somewhat surprising According to the Ramban, his conscience bothered him because he had violated the treaty he made with Avraham and he was afraid Yitzchak’s descendants will expel his descendants in the future.
* We see another incident where there is a difference between husband and wife. Rivka secretly intervenes in giving the bracha to the Yaakov, who was deserving of it.
* We see that in order for a blessing to take place, the person giving the bracha has to be satisfied both emotionally and physically. Yitzchak asks Eisav, “hunt and prepare me a meal that I like, then I will bless you. Then and only then will the bracha take effect.
* Eisav was delayed in capturing an animal for his father because he did not go with his coat. He has this coat from wining a battle against Nimrod. This was Adam’s coat (first man). It had a special devise were animals would gravitate to and then they would be easy prey. Rivka gave this coat to Yaakov to wear so that Yitzchak would not know the difference.
* HAKOL KOL YAACOV the voice sounds like Yaakov. Many commentaries say that a Jew’s power is in his mouth, while the gentile nation have physical power. Perhaps this is the reason Jewish accountants and lawyers are not known for their physical beauty.
* When Yitzchak smelled Yaakov, Rashi comments that he smelled an apple tree from Gan Eden and he Knew he’s giving the bracha to the right son. This kindness that G-d did with Yaakov is reiterated on Rosh Hashana by dipping Apples in honey.
Sixth Portion
* As long as Yaakov’s descendants follow the ways of G-d they will prevail over Eisav descendants. However if they do not follow in that path then Eisav will prevail and inflict pain onto Yaakov.
*”Yitzchak trembled” when he realized that he could have given the bracha to the wrong son. Another opinion says that after Yaakov leaves, Eisav comes in and lets out a shout, letting Yitzchak realize that he really gave the bracha to Yaakov. He realizes that Hashem has a master plan and that it was done for the best. “Yitzchak trembles” because of the thought that he might have accidentally ruined that plan by giving the bracha to Eisav. That is why Yitzchak says shortly after that Yaakov should keep the bracha and be blessed.
Seventh Portion
*The stage is set for Yaakov to find a wife.

Did Avraham Know How to Make Sweet and Sour Meatballs

August 22, 2013 Hachnasat Orchim- Inviting Guests No comments

 

Our forefather, Avraham, who was famous for his signature hospitality, once asked Shem (Malki Tzedek), the son of Noach, who was in the Ark with his father and brothers, “in what merit did you go out of the ark?” Shem replied, “In the merit of the kindness that we did there.” What kindness?” Avraham asked, “Was there for you to do in the ark” Were there poor people there? Only Noach and his sons were there, so for whom did you do kindness? “For the animals and birds” answered Shem “We did not sleep. We just served one after the other all night.” Thereupon Avraham said “Had they not done kindness for the animals and birds, they would have not have left the ark. Only because they did CHESSED did they go out. If I do it for people, how much more so!!

It said, soon after his meeting with Shem, Avraham went and planted an ESHEL. ESHEL in Hebrew is spelled ALEF, SHIN, LAMED. And the acronym for those three letters ACHILA – food, SHTIYA – drink, LEVAYA – escort. So a good host has to feed the guest with food, drinks, and escort them four steps when they leave.

I, Rabbi Avi Matmon, have a signature dish which has become rather popular around here; it is ABBA’S FAMOUS MEATBALLS. What better time to disclose this recipe then Parshat Lech Lecha, which happens to be the first Parsha I’ve learned back in the first grade and also brings out one of Avraham’s, our forefathers, virtue. First, a little background; I discovered it when I was in the Jewelry business. Once I was in the booth of a good friend of mine, Yale Zoland of Zoland and Sons Jewelers, when I happened to ask “hey does anybody know a good recipe for meatballs” Just then a lady who happened to be at the counter of his booth, said “I have an amazing recipe”. So here it goes:

 

1 spoon of Heinz chili sauce

1 and half spoons of grape jelly

1 spoon of brown sugar

1 15oz can of tomato sauce

1 lemon

half spoon cornstarch for texture

 

Mix all in a pot, stir on low flame for 1 hour and 15 mins; pour on uncooked meatballs (standard meatballs recipe); cover and put in oven 20 min; uncover for another 20 mins 350 degrees. WALLA!!!

 

If you want to be a good host and help your wife. These are delicious meatballs for people who love to eat. They’ll say “NOW, THAT’S A HOST.”

 

P.S.- The giant, Og, is named because he went to Avraham’s house unexpectedly and found Sarah baking cakes. OOGA means cakes. He was so impressed with the hospitality and the cakes, that the impression stayed with him for the rest of his evil life.

The Prototype of Judaism

August 22, 2013 Emunah/ Belief in G-D No comments

 

Avraham was the pioneer of combining faith and truth. It was an unprecedented first for mankind. Rabbi Akiva Tats mentions that it’s a fundamental concept in the writings of the mystics. It can be best brought out in this parable.

A girl once traveled a long way from home and got lost in the dessert. She walked a long way and became very thirsty. To her relief, she discovered a well in the distance. When she finally reached the well, she discovered a rope inside. She descended down by holding on to the rope and drank. However when she wanted to climb up, she discovered she was unable to do so. She cried bitterly and called for help. Just then, a young man was passing by in the distance and heard cries coming from the well.

He called out “Who is this down there? Are you a demon or a human being? The girl called up from the well relating to him what had happened to her. Then she pleaded with the voice, “Please pull me out!”

“I will help you on one condition. Agree to marry me!”

The girl agreed and he pulled her out of the well. They spoke to each other and both consented to marry each other. The boy promised that he would come to her parents as soon as possible and officially marry her.

“Who are our witnesses that we are betrothed?” asked the girl. Just then a weasel passed by. So the young man said, “let the weasel and the well be our witnesses that we will be faithful to each other.”

They parted; the boy to his home and the girl to hers. She stayed at home and waited for her fiancé to come and fulfill his promise but time passed and he never appeared. Her parents suggested other matches to her but she refused. No matter which matches were proposed, she adamantly refused. Until people just gave up hope that she’ll never get married.

And what happened to the boy?

After he returned home, he was very busy and forgot about that episode in the desert. He married a girl in his hometown. His wife bore him a son. When the baby was three months old, a tragedy occurred. The infant was bitten by a weasel and died. Another little boy was born to them but one day while he was playing by the well, he accidentally fell into it and died. Grief-stricken, the wife said to the husband, “Had the children died a normal death, I would have accepted the heavenly decree without questioning. But since the events were so extraordinary, we must seek a reason for this strange punishment and search ourselves for some previous guilt.”

Now, the long forgotten scene in the dessert came back into the husband’s memory. Is it possible I’m being punished for not keeping my word? The wife insisted that he find out what happened to that girl. “It was your obligation to be faithful to her.”

The man traveled to the town where, long ago, the girl told him she lived and inquired what had become of her. Who did she marry?

“There is one old maid by the name you mentioned, but she is not in her right mind. There is no use of talking to her about getting married. If a suitor comes, she begins to act in a strange manner.”

The man immediately goes to the girl’s house and explains to the father the story that had transpired long ago. “It’s my fault; I have freed myself from my wife to be true to my word and I shall marry your daughter. When he walked into her room and began to speak, she screamed like she had done with the previous suitors. Then he said two words, “The weasel and the well”. The girl fainted and when she recovered, she had gained her former composure. They were married and had children.

The young man represents EMET/ truth, while the lost girl represents EMUNAH. When the girl was helplessly in the pit, that’s EMUNAH without EMET – no direction; would inevitably fall into a pit, just plain old blind faith.

“Who are you” EMET needs clarification, however has no staying power. He forgets about her. EMET has no loyalty unless Emunah’s there. EMUNAH’s route is NE’EMAN – loyalty, it will always be there no matter what. The girl had other suitors; however, she was loyal. Judaism needs the Gemara learning, the logic; the EMET however needs the EMUNAH – the loyalty to continue.

Together EMET and EMUNAH form a true love and a proper marriage.

Avraham was the first to possess both qualities KEL MELECH NE’EMAN and propelled him to be the prototype for generations. This is what we should strive for. These are the tools needed to be a true soldier of G-d.

The Jewish Ghetto; a Must or Not?

August 22, 2013 Spreading Torah No comments

 

 

 

          Is it important to live in a Jewish neighborhood with a positive influence? There are many Rabbinical students, who, when ordained, go throughout the world to help and educate their brethren in Judaism. There is a lot to learn; our religion is rich of customs, tradition, and laws which have preserved Judaism for 4000 years since the first Jew, Avraham. However, many Jews are not familiar with many important elements of our rich deep religion. So it’s our job to care about each other because we are all responsible for one another. Nevertheless, one has to be concerned moving to a non-observant neighborhood; after all, some of us have taken great pains to reach the level that we are so proud of. We must preserve our precious Judaism.

          Rav Henoch Leibowitz, z”tl guarantees, quoting, the prominent and holy commentary, Sforno, “Whoever goes out and reaches out to our brethren, they and their children will not be negatively affected.”

The Chachamim closely observe the first “Mr. Outreach”, our forefather, Avraham, who as the Avnai Nezer compares him to a Mikvah. A mikvah purifies individuals. However, in the process, it never becomes impure. So too, Avraham, in his education of people, was never influenced.

Rabbeinu Bachai teaches us that Avraham was an exceptional human being. He had the ability, whoever he made contact with, would be healed from their depressed state of mind, and that’s how he was able to bring people back to G-d. The healing took place through Avraham’s power of speech and his soothing voice. Avraham was a charismatic towering presence; whoever would listen to him would feel uplifted. He had a precious stone wrapped around his neck and anyone who would look at it would get healed. I guess he was a jewel of a guy. After Avraham’s death, G-d took back the jewels and placed it in the sun. That’s why we say in Tehillim “The skies preach the word of G-d”. Avraham was given a gift from G-d and lived up to his billings.

Interestingly, Rav Henoch mentions that G-d instructed Avraham to move out from his environment and pry away from his past, because G-d didn’t want him to get influenced. But wait, didn’t we learn Avraham was immune from outside influence? Therefore, we see that one has to be very careful. Everyone is susceptible and one should take the necessary precautionary measures to protect himself and his family. Advice might be extremely recommended.

Parshat Lech Lecha

August 22, 2013 Highlights on the Weekly Parsha No comments
First portion

* Avraham would probably be labeled by many as a pioneer; he was the first man to utilize his great gifts to the fullest and able to capitalize on his potential and bring them to fruition. Through passing the ten tests, he not only elevated the status of man, he also energized the world. He and his wife Sarah did what Noach and all the prominent people before them could not do – spread the word of G-d to the entire civilization and live up to the heights man was projected to live up to. Avraham fueled the attribute of kindness. Everyone is born with certain spiritual energies in which man has to step up to the plate. However, if these energies are not used as designed, it is taken away and transformed to somebody else. A person is provided with certain energies to combat the trials and tests of life to elevate him and by doing so, elevates the world as a whole. However, if he fails to take advantage of the opportunity then the energies transfers to someone else who will be given similar opportunities to elevate himself and the world. Adam, Noach, and others lost the powers while Avraham fueled the KOACH. Avraham had the chutzpah to say NO WAY!! to paganism; he had the audacity to stand up to what he believed in; risking his life for the sake of G-d.

* The Kli Yakar, one of the commentaries on the Chumash, has difficulty with the title of this week’s Parsha, Lech-lecha; literally it means “go to you” which doesn’t make sense. The scripture should be, either, “go” or “leave”. He explains, it actually does mean what it sounds like. “Go to you” is referring to one shall go to himself; he should explore his inner-self, the essence of man. Where shall he do that? The Parsha describes later, by the MAKOM – place. Which place? The place, G-d refers to, is Har Hamoria. This is the place where the Temple Mount stands today. The Kli Yakar informs us this is where the souls are manufactured, the nucleus of mankind is structured. Yaacov had his dream on this spot. The Kodesh Hakadoshim, the most important part of the temple, rested on that spot. Besides offering Avraham’s children riches, G-d offered Avraham clarity, a chance to be more spiritually close to G-d. The kedusha – holiness of the land of Israel, especially in certain parts of Jerusalem, is very apparent.

* Rashi says the third test, G-d made the it more difficult for Avraham by stating, “Leave your land, your place of birth and your father’s house”. By stating these points, it will invoke a feeling of familiarity, so dear, it would make it harder to depart. However, the question is asked, Avraham was ridiculed rather cruelly for not having children by his fellow neighbors and for his belief in a non-visible G-d. Unless Avraham is one of those people who likes getting abused and stepped on, not many do, he would jump at the opportunity to leave. So why did G-d state it like that? Even if one is in an undesirable environment, if it’s his home and his mother’s tongue, one would find it difficult to leave. It’s not an easy feeling going to an unknown destination.

* As soon as Avraham arrived in Canaan, the place where G-d had chosen, famine broke out. This was Avraham’s fourth test. G-d wanted to see if he would complain; he didn’t.

* Because of the famine, they were forced to go down to Egypt.

 

Second Portion

* This was a tremendous test for both, Sarah, as well as Avraham. Sarah’s morality and loyalty is tested. The frustrating and frightening incident where she is taken away by a king happened twice; once, here, by Pharaoh and another time by Avimelech, the king of the Pelishtim. She could have rationalized; “Maybe I should succumb to Pharaoh’s advances. After all, if I don’t, I am not only putting my life in danger but also the life of my husband.” Sarah could have stooped even further in human character and rationalized, “I can be the Queen. Do you know what Kavod – honor that is. Avraham will be fine; I can support him financially, after all, I’m the Queen.” Sarah prayed with intensity so Pharaoh will release her untouched. Both she and Avraham were protected by G-d, and reunited. The test of loyalty, though, happened a second time. The time with King Avimelech was a harder test. Pharaoh and the Egyptians were a barbaric society. However Avimelech and the Pelishtim were more of a high cultural, sophisticated and fashionable people. It seemed it would be more tempting. Moreover, the fact that it happened twice might frustrate her into thinking, “Maybe G-d is sending me a message; I missed an opportunity the first time with Pharaoh. Fool! Let’s try this again. Let’s not mess this up a second time.” On both occasions, Sarah rejected the king’s advances and was returned to Avraham unscathed. G-d then rewarded Sarah in the next Parsha with a son from Avraham. G-d said, “You were tempted with the reproductive organ; I will reward you through the reproductive organ.”

 

Third Portion

* The controversial question Rav Eliyahu Dessler asks, was Avraham’s decision to separate himself from his nephew Lot – correct? After all, Avraham was Mr. Outreach. Why didn’t he continue to influence his own nephew? As long as Lot was with Avraham, G-d didn’t fully communicate with our forefather. Furthermore it was only after Lot left Avraham, did Sarah have a child. It seems like Lot brought down Avraham spiritually. It’s not so clear-cut whether to have someone we know under our care and direction. Perhaps they might not let us grow in life.

 

Fourth Portion

* To save his nephew Lot, Avraham goes to great extent, in the war of 4 kings vs. 5 kings. The question is, why? Didn’t we learn previously that Avraham deemed Lot as unworthy. Furthermore, the kings knew Avraham will make every attempt to rescue his nephew. What’s so special about Lot? In next week’s Parsha, the angels specifically go to Sedom to save Lot before destroying the city. Why is Lot getting the VIP treatment? The reason is, the descendant of Lot is Ruth, and from her dynasty, David will be born. From David, the Moshiach will come.

 

Fifth Portion

* Avraham rejected any personal gains from the war even though he was entitled. This was to show his devotion to G-d and to show the nations of the world, it was G-d’s hand, not mine, that determined victory.

 

Sixth Portion

* Sarah suggested to her husband Avraham that he should take her maid servant, Hagar, for a wife; “Maybe then G-d will have mercy on me and give me children”.

* Hagar gives birth to Yishmael.

 

Seventh Portion

* One of Avraham’s ten trials was the commandment of circumcision.

* G-d instructed Avraham, “Your name will be changed from Avram to Avraham. I am adding a HEY to your name. Your wife’s name will also change from Sarai to Sarah by exchanging the YUD to a HEY. This change was significant because now Avraham and Sarah have been transformed to a higher level.

* When G-d removed the letter YUD from Sarah’s name, it flew up to G-d’s throne to complain. G-d comforted it, “In the past, you were the last letter of a woman’s name. In the future, I will put you at the head of a man’s name”. This will happen when Moshe will rename his student Hoshea to Yehoshua.

The Fall of Two Rising Stars

August 21, 2013 G-d and Us No comments

 

shooting stars

 

       One of the most tragic incidences in the Torah is the death of the two sons of Aharon – Nadav and Avihu. The Sages indicate that everyone assumed they were the heir apparent to the leadership. They were smart, charismatic and came from one of the leading families of the Jewish people. A matchmaker would undoubtedly label them a ‘catch’. Apparently, they brought an unauthorized sacrifice to G-d ‘and they were killed, consumed by the fire’.

 

It is hard to believe that for such an act, one is to be punished so severely. In fact, it’s a bit confusing. Some commentaries view their act as one of the greatest bonds between G-d and man; while others view their demise due to a few character flaws. Mainly, haughtiness, which resulted in consumption of wine while conducting sanctuary work. Also, believing nobody is good enough for marriage. How do you rectify the two opinions?

 

In order to answer this contrition, one has to ponder how G-d runs the world. Rav Eliyahu Dessler, in his book Michtav Me’Eliyahu, explains there are two major methods in which G-d runs the world. One is Rachamim – compassion, and one is Din – harsh judgment. Throughout time, whether it is yearly, daily or even hourly, Rachamim and Din seesaw back and forth. Morning prayers are under the cover of Rachamim, while afternoon prayers fall under Din. It’s no coincidence that the 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva died during a period of a few weeks that falls under Din, which explains why they were punished so severely. (One should schedule court dates in the Rachamim month of Adar.)

 

To elaborate more on the flaws that the two brothers had, Rav Henoch Leibowitz, zt”l explains they were punished because they gave the impression of being interested in many women, and apparently caused them pain. The women had wishful thinking ‘waiting by the phone’ but the call never came. Rav Henoch asks ‘But they didn’t ask these women to wait?’ They didn’t say, “I’ll call you back.” So he answers, one has to be clear and say ‘I’m not interested’. One should not create a false impression or else the girl would wait by the phone or the boy will keep on calling and it is humiliating for both. Of course it has to be said delicately but never the less firmly.  We still are left with the question, why were Aharon’s sons punished so severely?

 

There would be no singles scene if G-d judges us like that today. Apparently, the reason for the harsh judgment was at the request of Nadav and Avihu themselves. But that’s insane; why in the world would you want justice if G-d is more accepting with compassion? This can be explained with the following example. When a father is in a justice mode and demands much from his son, there is obviously more pressure and a higher standard is expected. If the son delivers and succeeds in the task at that high level, the father would be astonished, and say, “WOW! My boy was able to withstand my justice and live up to my demands.”

 

Rashi, one of the mainstream commentaries on the Torah, mentions that Nadav and Avihu were ‘sick with love for G-d’. When a gifted, smart, but young and inexperienced person has an interest in a girl, he will succeed in approaching her faster than the average person, only to get rejected right at the threshold. The Gra (commentary) explains their love toward G-d was skin deep, which didn’t develop, and a false enthusiasm was created because of their inexperienced young age. Their fearlessness, resulting from haughtiness, made them explore levels of spirituality that no man has gone before. Nadav and Avihu thought they can be judged with Din, not realizing, because of their haughtiness, they had flaws. So any minute, any speck of negativity was magnified, therefore receiving the severe punishment.

 

One has to realize his true capacity and what he can and cannot accomplish, even though his love or strong desire dictates otherwise.

Importance of Eating a Meal and Drinking Wine on Purim

August 21, 2013 Mitzvot and Traditions, Purim No comments

 

 Fried Whiting (fish)Why is it important to have a meal on Purim? Perhaps one may ask an even stronger question. Why is it recommended to drink wine until the point of intoxication? This is uncharacteristic of the Jewish People. Jackie Mason had a funny line –  “Goyim like to drink and Jews like to eat”.  But Jews are not drinkers. Presumably, we may be knowledgeable in all the good and expensive scotches, and can rattle off a list of the fanciest wines at the most elegant restaurants. However, thank G-d for the most part, we talk more than we drink. We take pride in our traditions and try to connect and emulate with the generations before us. There is a famous concept; ‘The deeds of fathers are signs for children’. What’s important to note is that we also try to correct the flaws of our ancestors. And that’s the underlying reason why the meal takes place. 

Mordechai, the leader of the Jewish People, decreed that absolutely no one should attend the party of King Achashverosh. But many Jews didn’t listen and accepted the invitation, angering G-d, and thus the Jewish troubles began. On Purim we try to correct ‘the meal’ by eating, drinking and rejoicing with the purest intentions, unlike our ancestors who ate and became intoxicated, drinking wine in a negative way.

 

There is another reason why we indulge in a lavish feast on Purim. One might wonder why there is no mention of a feast on Chanukah. After all, we were saved from the hands of the Greeks. (On Chanukah we actually get away cheap with latkes and jelly doughnuts!) So why not have the meat and the wine and the whole nine yards on Chanukah? The reason is that the Greeks’ intentions were to destroy us spiritually by abolishing our religion, but sparing the physical body. However, Haman wanted to destroy us both spiritually and physically. Therefore, we elevate our physicality with the finest foods the world can offer. The body and the soul are part and parcel, so eating and drinking with pleasure with all the proper brachot, is ideal.

Symbolism plays a major importance in our religion and that’s another reason why we have the Purim meal. The one moment in which the events turned in our favor, was at the meal at the end of the Megillah with Queen Esther, King Achashverosh, and Haman eating and drinking wine. Esther revealed her origin and accused Haman of trying to kill her People. The Jewish luck changed. Therefore, we commemorate the meal with the finest, hoping our luck will change for the better.

 

The simple explanation of the passage “When wine goes in, the secret comes out”, is, when people get drunk, they blurt out what is in their heart, which is often embarrassing. Rabbi Akiva Tatz has a different explanation quoting the mystics. “What’s the secret”? He explains, “When wine goes in, one sees life in a clearer picture. He becomes more spiritual, discovering deep ideas and a thinking pattern that can never be expressed with words. Words are limited; they are specific, and one who consumes wine can never express the feelings he experiences”.

 

One important note; there is a fine line between a spiritual high on wine and being drunk. When wine is being consumed, it has the uncanny ability to lift any fear and paranoia that exists, resulting in a tremendous bond between friends. Our sages mentioned that when we received the Torah, we were unified ‘as one nation like one heart’. G-d loves unity, thereby elevating us to a very high spiritual level. The one time this level was surpassed was on Purim. Wine is symbolic of unity.

Pursuit of Honor

August 21, 2013 G-d and Us, Holidays No comments

 

King Haman

 

          Our sages teach us, there are certain character flaws which one possesses that are so destructive ‘it could take you out of this world’. In other words, one can be thrown off course and lose any line of reasoning, any happiness, and any satisfaction, because of this deficiency.

 

A prime example is the wicked Haman who presumably had everything and yet felt he had nothing. Here is a man who was second in command to the king of the most powerful nation in the world and worshiped by all subjects of the vast super power Persian Empire; however, he was not satisfied with everything because one Jew, Mordechai, would not bow down to him. How could it be that Haman even noticed the lack of this miniscule amount of honor amidst the overwhelming flood of glory that was his? Perhaps, if not for the dangerous predicament our ancestors were in, the way he conducted himself through his obsession would have been observed as quite humorous.

 

Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz zt”l explains that one is never able to achieve satisfaction through honor. As much honor as you will receive, you will find yet more that you must have, and so your craving will never be satisfied. It’s like a cat chasing after his own tail.

 

One of the most wicked kings our People ever had was Yeravam ben Navat. Here was an individual who was quite charismatic, a tremendous orator and extremely knowledgeable in Torah; yet he brought our people to sin in a tremendous way. He was also one of the parties responsible for dividing the Jewish nation into two entities. The motives of his actions were purely for the pursuit of honor. He is one of the few individuals who will not have a share in the world to come. Once G-d approached him and pleaded to Yeravam, “Please repent and I’ll arrange for you, me, and Ben Yishai (King David) to stroll in Gan Eden (heaven)”. And he answered “Who’s first, me or Ben Yishai?” “Ben Yishai” G-d replied. “I’m not interested”, said Yeravam. Is it possible Yeravam would give up this great opportunity of eternal pleasure for not going before David? The sages note he was destined to be before Ben Yishai in Gan Eden but because he had the audacity to ask, he was put second. Our sages write, “Those who chase honor, honor will run away from them”. Rabbi Akiva Tatz teaches us an important lesson in human insights. He says, “As man gets older, his desire for physical pleasures for women decreases. However, as compensation, there is an increased desire for honor”.

 

There are many lessons one can learn from the story of Purim. But one lesson that is relevant to all of us is the unconscious pursuit of honor. Haman ruined his life and the life of others for that desire, and it’s frightening, because to some degree we are all prone to get tested by it at some time.

Fried Foods

August 21, 2013 Brachos, Mitzvot and Traditions No comments

 

 Fried Whiting (fish)

 

By the time I reached my late teens, my family became very health conscious. We decreased our meat intake, ate more fruits and vegetables, had less portions at mealtime, and healthy snacks were encouraged. But it was the fried food that was totally obliterated from the menu, both at home and abroad. Today, unfortunately, I’m not as diligent as I was – with the exception of fried food. There are a number of foods that I missed and occasionally the craving for them is unbearable.

 

Every time when Purim arrived, Mom would make samuseh puryaih (meat and onions wrapped in this delicious dough – deep fried), which would require napkins. Purim is not the same without it. But I must warn you; it’s definitely not a mishloach manot item (traditional special treats put into a nice basket and presented to friends).

 

Another item that is missed is fried whiting (fish) served Friday night at the Shabbat table. Today our families bake the fish and it tastes just as good. According to our sages, it’s important to have fish Friday night. The reason is because G-d rewarded Noach and his family for taking care of the animals in the ark, by giving them the ability to eat meat and chicken. But the fish did not take residence in the ark. Therefore, man was forbidden to eat fish. However, as a reward for receiving the Torah, which was given on Shabbat, fish became permissible for consumption from then on.

 

Another delicacy that is missed is chushcelik served at Bukharian yartzeit dinners. The sweet, soft, fried, thin rounded dough with confectioners’ sugar on top that melts in your mouth, is out of this world. The rounded large Slinky-like shape represents the continuous circle in which G-d runs the world; one life begins and another ends.

 

Another fried food star is falafel. The aroma of falafel is very mesmerizing and therefore hard to resist. I’m sure there are many places to get good falafel. There are a few that come to mind. Moshe’s Falafel on 45th St and Ave of the Americas in New York City is very good. This establishment operates out of a cart. Another highly regarded and famous falafel place is Shlomo’s in Jerusalem. Shlomo also operates out of a cart and one can find him in the Bukarian quarters near Kikar Malchei Yisrael in Geula. The falafel is so good at Shlomo’s that people come from all over Jerusalem go to eat there. Don’t forget to bring reading material because the lines are long!

 

In many Yeshiva high schools, there is an extended Thursday-night program that is mandatory. When I was in Yeshiva, there were not many people who had an interest – as evidenced by the attendance, and the school had a hard time enforcing this rule. But in my junior year, changes were made. The school decided to serve delicious breaded fried chicken with potato salad for a side dish, resulting in an escalation in attendance by 98%. After a few months, some students got smart; they wanted the best of both worlds, and decided to leave through the back way after dinner. But the administration anticipated this move. The principal himself was guarding the front door, while the assistant principal guarded the back. Eat and run doesn’t apply here.

 

We learned last week that if one is in the middle of a meal (after saying the blessing on the bread), and cake is brought on the table, a blessing is required only if he’s eating it as a dessert. If he’s eating it for satisfaction, a bracha is not necessary. In general, if enough cake is eaten to satisfy your hunger, a hamotzi is required. There is an exception to this rule – if the bread was fried. According to Jewish law, frying the bread changes its form and structure, and will lose any potential of raising its status to bread. One can consume as many jelly doughnuts as he wants and the blessing will always be mezonot.
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