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Now That’s Deli!

August 20, 2013 Rabbi Avi Matmon Brachos, Mitzvot and Traditions, Uncategorized No comments

There was a period on Shabbat morning, where I used to pray at the Yeshiva Chafetz Chaim. It was a beautiful, quite inspiring service. I got to know and eventually became good friends with a Rabbinical student named Noam Abramchic. One Shabbat morning, our conversation centered around food. Perhaps the reason the conversation gravitated toward food was because it’s at the end of the prayer services and everybody is hungry. Or perhaps those who know me understand it’s a predictable part of my nature to talk about food. The topic was deli. “I know of the best delicatessen that would beat any of New York’s establishments”, he ranted. “There’s a place in Chicago called Romanian and it’s out of this world.” I did not take Noam seriously, considering I’ve been eating fine deli since I was in diapers. “Do you really think any place on earth will compare to a New York deli?” I said to him. Soon after visiting his parents for the holidays, he brought me packaged pastrami from Romanian Delicatessen. “Try this” he said proudly. So I came home and I tried it. WOW! It’s amazing! This is really, really good pastrami.

A few years ago a friend David Bodenhiem said he received Romanian’s famous hotdogs (there are four kinds) from a pal coming back from Chicago. David said numerous friends of his in the Five Towns get packages through friends from Romanian for their special occasions. It reminds me of a particular popular 1970’s TV episode of M*A*S*H. The show takes place in Korea during the war in the 1950’s. The characters are doctors in a medical unit. The main character, Hawkeye gets a craving for “Adams Ribs” located – out of all places – in Chicago, and throughout the half hour episode goes through a lot of red tape to get this anticipated delivery. Finally, the package arrives. He and his companions are in the mess tent anxiously and triumphal opening and smelling the aroma of the food. The final scene has Hawkeye nervously going through the delivery bags in frustration. “What’s wrong Hawkeye?” one of the colleagues asked. Hawkeye replied, “They forgot the coleslaw!”

If we appreciate what G-d has done for us and are committed in acknowledging Him before we eat, then we should do it right. We have to try to give the proper blessing. We know if we have pastrami on club or rye, the blessing is Hamotzi lechem min hararetz. Bread is the most significant blessing you can recite. But what about sandwich wraps? One should know, this too is the blessing of hamotzi as well. Even though content of some wraps is mezonot, since you have the intention of having a meal as opposed to a snack, one would require to wash and recite al netilat yadayim and then hamotzi.

Bread and mezonot are considered in the category of important foods. The Torah attributes significance to the mezonot grain, wheat, and barley (INCLUDED IN WHEAT IS SPELT, INCLUDED IN BARLEY IS OATS AND RYE). These grains have an intrinsic importance because of their role in sustaining human life. There are rare times where one would eat bread and not recite hamotzi. These examples require the understanding of the concept in Jewish law called Ikar-main food and Tofel–secondary. Let’s say I’m sampling a taste of hot chili, one eats a bit of bread for no reason other than to soothe the harsh taste in his throat. Since the bread was not eaten to satisfy his hunger nor for his enjoyable taste, he is not required to make a hamotzi on the bread. The bread is included in the ha’adama blessing made on the chili.

Another example is with ice cream. Most people eat ice cream cones to enhance the taste of the ice cream. Therefore, the ice cream would require a shehakol and the cone (even though it is tofel) will require a mezonot. However, if one were to use an ice cream cone merely in place of a cup rather than enjoy the flavor, the cone will not require a separate blessing.

The mechanics of ikar and tofel are: Even though the tofel is subordinate to the ikar, the tofel is not considered to be so insignificant as to not require a bracha. Rather, we consider the bracha made on the ikar to extend to ‘cover’ the tofel as well. According to this approach, when a blessing of the ikar cannot be applied to cover the tofel, a separate bracha on the tofel will be required.

There is an art in the preparation of certain deli meats. Who out there remembers Bernstein’s on the Lower East Side? I would always put sweet red peppers on my big shmulk which consisted of four different kinds of meats on club or rye and, in addition, potato salad and coleslaw as sides. We always had a certain pride going to Bernstein’s because it was named, one year by the New York Times, as the best deli in the city. New Yorkers as well as Chicagoans take their deli very seriously.

The Charismatic Genius

August 19, 2013 Rabbi Avi Matmon Spreading Torah No comments

G-d chose a very special person to construct the Mishkan, the holy Tabernacle. Betzalel was chosen not just because of the self-sacrifice merit of his grandfather, who gave up his life for G-d. One can properly label Betzalel as a gifted young man who had precise knowledge in many areas. He knew science, mathematics, engineering and all the kabalistic knowledge of the soul and creation. In his breath of knowledge, he surpassed his contemporaries at a very young age. Unlike some craftsmen who are experts in one field and not so in others, he was on top of his game in all areas of expertise. He was a genius, a wonder boy! One could appreciate Betzalel’s gifts by what the Ibn Ezra, Abarbanel, and the Chasam Sofer point out.

Often, one finds, when very wise men focus on certain issues, their grasp of the practical world weakens and they become fools in worldly matters. It’s easy to sell an egghead the Brooklyn Bridge. Many cultures have a character “the absent-minded professor”, highly intelligent but socially awkward. They’re not able to relate to the average Joe. They possess one attribute or the other but not usually both. Those blessed with great intelligence have poor motor skills and the opposite. Great athletes most often never become successful managers. Betzalel had no deficiencies. He was able to master both sides of the spectrum. Because of this universal appeal, the most important contribution Betzalel made and the greatest gift he possessed by far – according to the commentaries above – was that he knew how to teach all those skills to others, a natural communicator. That showed true greatness!

We read every day before Shema, in morning prayers, “Lilmode Ulelamed”, to learn and to teach others. Rav Daner says one does not get full credit of learning Torah unless he conveys what he learns to others, thus getting a half-mitzvah. It’s not enough to forward an email, although I wouldn’t mind. One has to deliver the message himself. So if one learns something in a shiur, in order to receive his brownie points he must share it the next morning on the subway, at the office, or at every avenue of communication with his fellow Jew. Some people, despite their great wisdom, are not good teachers. The ability to teach is a unique gift. The Or Hachaim says, “Besides talent, you need a generous spirit.” We are all responsible for one another and we show it by being kind and considerate to each other. But the biggest kindness is sharing knowledge, especially of our holy Torah. Out of all the gifts Betzalel possessed, teaching was the most crucial and essential part of his work. “Observe! G-d selected Betzalel.” What a rare wonder he must have been!

Bribing the Judge

August 18, 2013 Rabbi Avi Matmon Honesty No comments

This article was constructed with the help of Rabbis Baruch Dopelt and Jay Shapiro.

FAIR? IS THE GAME FAIR? ARE YOU PLAYING A FAIR GAME? HOW OBJECTIVE ARE YOU ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE? ABOUT YOURSELF? ABOUT LIFE? DID YOU EVER TAKE A BRIBE? DID YOU EVER OFFER A BRIBE?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN OUR JUDICIAL COURT SYSTEM?

DO YOU THINK IN THIS DAY AND AGE JUDGES JUDGE FAIR?

IS BRIBING THE BUYER AT WORK CONSIDERED A CRIME?

…and you shall not accept a bribe, for the bribe will blind the eyes of the wise and make just words crooked.(16:19)

We learn something fascinating in the Talmud:
Rava asked: What is the reason for the prohibition against taking bribes even if the judge is sincerely trying to render a fair judgment?

Because once a person receives a gift from somebody he establishes a bond, and the giver becomes like him, and no one ever finds fault with himself. What is the meaning of the word SHOCHAD, “BRIBE”? SHO-HU-CHAD the recipient and the giver are like one person.” (Ketubot) Approximately, 150 years ago lived a young Rabbi, Rav Chaim Halberstam, who auditioned for an esteem pulpit position in one particular town. In his later years, he rose to prominence by writing a master piece book called “Divrai Chaim”.
There were many notable rabbis who were vying for this position. However, one of the highly regarded and wealthy congregant who was on the board of directors took a strong liking toward the young Rabbi Halberstam and campaigned for him vigorously to win the position. The businessman was relentless in his quest to secure Rav Chaim to be” thee Rabbi” and eventually he succeeded.
However, after a few months the Rabbi was put in an awkward situation to say the least when someone approached him claiming that the same wealthy businessman who singled handily got him the position, owed him money. He intended on taking him to Bet Din-Jewish court.
It was Rav Chaim responsibility, since he was the chief Rabbi, to customarily send a messenger to the defendant and order him to court to face charges. Although the rich businessman helped him tremendously nevertheless Rav Chaim proceeded with the necessary protocol.
The messenger, though, returned and answered the Rav with a respond of “he is too busy to come”.
The Rav sent the messenger again and that he should insist that the businessman should come right away; it’s a matter of urgency!
However, once again the response from the businessman was “I do not have time to come, my apologies.”
Rav Chaim send the messenger again with a very stern message “I am following proper protocol and asking you for the third and last time; it is in your best interest to come. If you do not honor us with your presence I would have no choice but to put you in CHEREM-banishment.
The businessman realized that Rav Chaim was dead serious in his threats, had no choice but to came to court.
Rav Chaim asked both the accuser and the businessman to rise as he read the complaint. Rabbi Halberstam then suggested a fast day for himself the accuser and the defendant and each one should pray that the outcome should be a fair one. He then asked the businessman about the charges.
The response was “there are no charges. Everyone looked at each other. The people in the Judge’s chambers were bewildered by the businessman’s response. “I hired this man, the accuser to voice his grievance against me to see if you will honor the Torah and hold true to the court of law or perhaps you will be weak and be too embarrassed to act with me in the proper way, because you owed me a debt of gratitude. However, I see now that I was correct in pursuing you and insisting you to be the Rabbi. You held your grounds, were not impartial, and have proven to be the right choice.

To be a judge and perform your duties correctly is not a simple task. Many times judges are faced with bribes, and have to carefully dance around the temptation of accepting it.

This lesson can be applied instantaneously in our everyday life. We too are judges and have to make decisions on a daily basis. Some of those decisions are not only daily business decisions but also deeply philosophical religious ones whose outcome are affecting our lives at present and will affect the lives of our children.

Evil holds the biggest poker chip, the biggest bribe of all and that is the notion that we are free to do whatever we want in this life. Evil would like us to believe we don’t have to answer to anyone.

A precious psalm that was created by Adam, the first man, and is recited at the Friday night Shabbat services Mizmor shir l’yom hashabat, has a profound line pertaining to our subject matter:

“Mah gadelu ma’secha HASHEM, me’d ameku machshehvotecha”

How great are your deeds G-d, exceedingly profound are your thoughts.

What thoughts is Adam taking about that is profound?

Let us not forget, Adam said this just hours after sinning. He was licking his wounds, resting. This praise was said, while under the protection of the Shabbat.

It’s a bittersweet statement:

Adam was impressed by the thought put in and the clever way G-d was able to use evil to create a self deception in man that he should wonder if G-d exists and if the Torah is true.

IT’S SO OBVIOUS OF G-D POWER, JUST LOOK AROUND!! and yet there’s is a mechanism in us to doubt.

G-d gave evil a weapon. The ability to bribe man that if he denies him he can be free to do whatever he pleases.

That is the ultimate bribe we have to reject.

Decisions for a judge can be difficult.

These are a few pitfalls one might face. Although it seems obvious, it’s very prevalent.

*He must not be sympathetic with a poor person just because the other party is rich

*He should not favor the rich, and say I’ll declare him victorious just not to embarrass him and in private I will tell him he should really compensate the other party

*He should not hear one testimony with the other not present. Human nature is one favors the undisputed first testimony he hears.

ONE HAS TO REALIZE A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON ABOUT MAN

Rabbi Shmuel Shtrasson, otherwise known as the RASHASH, who has a commentary on the Talmud, once lend a large amount of money to an individual. The loan was for 6 months. The man promptly came to re-pay the loan when it was due, however, Rav Shmuel who was known to delve deeply and entrance himself in his studies, received the money for the loan while he was very involved in his learning. He forgetfully placed it in one of his books after the individual left. The man didn’t want to disturb the Rabbi studying so he did not ask him for a signature that he returned the money.

A few days later Rav Shmuel looks at his ledger and realizes that this person did not repay the loan. However, the person said he returned the money a few days ago when the Rav approached him. “I don’t remember you doing so” the Rabbi said. For the next week, he searched all over his house but no envelope with the money was found.

The Rabbi had no choice but to take this man to Bet Din.

In front of Bet Din the man swears that he returned the money. Yet there was no document to prove the money was returned.

Rabbi Shtrassonn rationalized since this person, who was a trusted upstanding citizen, would swear under oath that he returned the money, then it must be that he did. So in court the Rav forgave the loan. Nevertheless when the towns people got word that the Rabbi forgave the loan even though there was no evidence that he returned the money, they rationalized that this man was dishonest in dealing with the Rav. Soon the entire town knew about this incident; people did not want to do business with him; his business plummeted where he had no choice but to close up shop. His reputation was ruined. Nobody wanted to marry his children. The rabbi’s plea to the townspeople to let the incident pass was to no avail. The person was forced to move out of town.

One day The Rabbi was cleaning for Pesach and low and be hold he finds the envelope with the money in the book. He immediately locates the person and pleads to him to move back. “I’ll make an announcement that I found the money” the Rabbi said. The person replied “they’ll never believe you. You’ll be looked upon as a tzadik trying one last ditch effort to rectify the situation.”

The Rabbi thought and came up with a solution. “If our children agree I would like to have my child marry yours. This is the only way the world would realize that you gave back the loan. They would say he would never give his child to marry his if there was any sort of ill feelings.

There is a very valuable lesson we learn from this story. People, even the smartest and most prominent, make mistakes. No one is immune from forgetfulness or from reading a person incorrectly; we are human after all.

To whom does the negative commandment of bribery apply to?

In my old industry bribery was not only random it was mandatory. The buyers of companies, banking officials, post office workers would all get compensated, some very nicely, at the end of the year.

Is that considered a bribe?

Although bribing some of the mentioned above is not considered the negative commandment of bribery, some may argue that it is considered though as steeling. This is because the buyer might buy a better deal from another vender, yet due to your nice gift, they’re buying from you. They are not supplying the best product for their company.

The negative commandment of bribery is only when bribing Judges.

It seems like G-d passes down a big responsibility to the leaders and Judges of his Jewish people. They have to act in a dignified manor because they become a representative of HIM. They have to earn the respect of the people. In essence when one bribes a judge he becomes an extension of the one who gave the bribe as we mentioned earlier. In other words he, the one who bribes, is judging himself. This is unfair and it makes a mockery of the judicial system. G-d is embarrassed of an unfair court because it demeans his authority; it demeans justice. without justice society inevitably will break down.

So what starts with a mere small payoff to the judge can lead to severe ramifications down the road

Vitamins

August 18, 2013 Rabbi Avi Matmon Kashrut, Your Health No comments

Americans are well aware and well educated in what foods are healthy and are not. However, as the saying goes, ‘ I’d pick the pastrami sandwich over the granola bar, any day of the week. I’ll just pop a pill or take some vitamins and I’ll be okay’. In this fine country in which we are guests, we have tremendous resources; everything and anything is in arms reach. Because of the accessibility of particular foods which some of us overindulge, there tends to be a lack of nutrition and causes an imbalance in the diet. Therefore, we consume vitamins to compensate. The guiltier we are, the more vitamins we consume. It’s becoming a tremendous huge industry. However, one may ask, are vitamins kosher? If yes; which ones?

Ideally, one should take kosher certified vitamins. Kashrut organizations like the Star K and OU, currently certify several vitamin companies. Many kosher brands of vitamins are available anywhere in the United States through local multi-level marketers and distributors who market their product through various means including toll-free hotlines. However, in the event that a specific vitamin nutritional supplement is not available, the following guidelines apply.

Multi vitamins often contain non-kosher ingredients that are not listed on the label. In particular, natural vitamin A and D may come from non-kosher sources. In addition, vitamin E beta carotene and natural or synthetic vitamins A and D may be mixed with non-kosher gelatin. A kosher brand is recommended. Under normal circumstances, one may not take a chewable, non-certified multi vitamin. Prenatal vitamins are a type of multi-vitamin taken by pregnant women. As previously indicated, multi vitamins may contain non-kosher vitamin components. Fortunately, numerous kosher pre-natal vitamins are now available. Single vitamin (e.g. vitamin C) or supplemental tablets should ideally be kosher certified. If one determines that the component and inactive ingredients are kosher; the product may be taken without certification.

3 Week Makeover for a Better Verdict on Rosh Hashanah

August 18, 2013 Rabbi Avi Matmon Rosh Hashana No comments

We have three weeks to go before we enter the period of judgment. If the reader has any fear of the days of awe and would like to increase his or her chances for a better and successful year, presumably it seems like a percentage game and we have to do whatever we can to improve our chances. It’s a well-known fact, in Psychology 101, that once a person knows the problem, that’s half the solution. Let’s clarify and expand a bit on that statement by introducing one of the classic self-improvement books in Jewish literature, Mesilat Yesharim (Path of the Just), written so eloquently by Rav Moshe Chaim Lutzato.

In his famous introduction, he writes, ‘Most of the material which is in my book, one already knows. The human mind absorbs quite a bit of information in a lifetime but it tends to shift or maybe the right word is gravitating to the back of his mind, rarely to be recognized again. The job of this book is to rediscover those important points that if it would be fresh and known in the front of our minds therefore we’ll be better prepared with those tools resulting in us being in a better position in life.’

The Mesilat Yesharim says a few chapters later, ‘It’s very important to keep a diary’. Every night one should review the positive and negative occurrences that happened to him and how he dealt with them. When something is written, there is a better chance of it remaining fresh, and comprehension of it will be easily attained. One should also keep in mind that if any of those occurrences happen again, he would be better prepared to confront the issues. A person should seek through his diary what good deed he has done on daily basis and encourage himself to increase them. When self-improvement actions are written, it causes the fresh mind to practice self-control, preventing unnecessary disastrous explosions by individuals, which could have occurred. Many times we walk on eggshells, where one wrong move, one remark said out of instinct could have a negative lasting effect. What a diary accomplishes is it creates a certain order of thoughts. There is a certain sense of control, a self-awareness of G-d and of ones brethren that is vital in making you a better person.

Rabbi Jay Shapiro says that the diary should be kept similarly to one’s business accounting ledger. If one makes sales and doesn’t write them in the ledger, he’ll be out of business in a short time.

When I first learned this concept of ‘diary’ in Mesilat Yesharim, I wasn’t impressed but I did it anyway. However, after a few months I began to see a tremendous improvement in my life; it’s worth trying!!!

Japanese Study on Water

August 18, 2013 Rabbi Avi Matmon Brachos, Mitzvot and Traditions, Your Health No comments

An interesting study was brought to my attention by my wife about the effects one has on water. Apparently, a study was taken by a Japanese scientist, Dr. Emoto, who discovered that thoughts and feelings affect physical reality. By producing focused intentions through written and spoken words and music and literally presenting it to the same water samples, the water appears to change its expression.

He took three samples of water. The first he expressed negative thoughts and words; the second he expressed nothing and the last he expressed loving words. The test result showed the water astonishingly mimicked the expression. What would be the results if a person drinks these waters? Would he be affected by the different expressions that the water has inherited?

The sages have instilled in our daily lives the ability to make brachot (blessings) on food and drinks. These brachot consists of G-d’s name, who is the Creator, not only of us, but of these foods. When we recite these blessings in front of the particular food or beverage, the item gets inspired and it absorbs positive energy of the blessing. We then consume the blessed positive energy food.

Many years ago, there was a plague during King David’s time. In order to stop the plague, David instituted that the people should say 100 brachot a day. Perhaps the positive energy of the 100 brachot, some of which were from food consumption, may have had an effect. G-d’s name is powerful and if said in the right context, could produce very positive energy.

Parshat Ki Tetzei

August 18, 2013 Rabbi Avi Matmon Highlights on the Weekly Parsha No comments

First Portion
* In war-times, on the battlefield, tasting the forbidden fruit is even harder to resist than usual. This is perhaps the reason the Torah concedes and permits the unthinkable, marrying a gentile woman! (As long as certain conditions are met). Why is a soldier at the front different than the ordinary Joe? One may add, as we discussed earlier, war manifests the cruel nature in man. Dr. Goldman, psychologist at the Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim, says part of their mental training is to enable themselves to think “I’m dead to ones’ feelings”, robotically. Did one ever hear of the expression often said to a soldier “to suck it up”? He has to be man enough to take the severe pounding – to be numb to human feelings; he has to have that killer instinct. As a result from this training, therefore, a soldier loses sensitivity to people. He’ll get whatever he needs from the enemy, then he will neutralize them. Another aspect why a soldier is singled out is the strong emotions of not knowing one’s fate at any given moment which prepares the soldier to act in the most intense way. This result of fear and hate are both common in the battle field and both could be taken to a unprecedented staggering extreme level. The Torah teaches us that most likely a soldier is not in control of his emotional state. We see too often that exchanging one’s civilian clothes for an army uniform, frees a man from customary social restraints and permits laxity of morals. Therefore, the Torah hopes that once the gentile woman is permitted, the soldier’s passion will subside since the evil inclination loses strength as soon as the attraction is no longer forbidden. Also the fact, that he’s back home and the Torah takes steps to make her unattractive, both physically, in ancient times the gentiles would send their daughters to the battlefields beautifully dressed and made up, hoping to distract the enemy, and emotionally, the adjustment of separation from her family, would cool him off. It’s a lesson to us all about the forbidden fruits and the power of lust. The minute it is permitted, it loses its luster.
* Although the Torah hints earlier of a b’chor getting a double portion. Here, its emphasized and sets the tone of the first born inheritance.

Second Portion
* Here is the source that a man may not wear woman’s clothing and woman may not wear men’s clothing. There should be a clear distinction between the genders. Our sages ordained that a man may not pluck out white hairs, wear feminine jewelry, or shave off hair ordinarily removed by women. The Torah wishes to respect and uphold the distinction G-d made between the sexes.

Third Portion
* If a man has a child from an illicit affair with a married woman, that child is called a mamzer. Mamzer is from “mum zar” a strange defect. It’s a marriage that is strange among the Jewish people. This strange defect is derived from a man and a woman whose marriage can never be valid. An example is a brother and sister or other form of incest or what we mentioned above, a married woman who bore another man’s child. Contrary to popular misconception, a mamzer is not someone born out of wedlock. A mamzer can never marry into the Jewish race. They can only marry another mamzer. It’s vital that if a man and wife separate and no longer intend to live with each other and are pursuing another relationship, to get a “get” (Jewish divorce decree).

Fourth Portion
* One may not take interest from a fellow Jew.

Fifth Portion
* Its understood if a kohen divorces his wife, he cannot remarry her. The reason is he cannot marry a divorcee. But why does the Torah forbid a non-kohen from re-marrying his ex if she had married someone else after him? The Torah takes modesty laws seriously. This prohibition precludes the possibility of prearrange exchange of wives under the mask of legality. Man’s nature is such where he wants to try someone else; the neighbor’s grass is greener. Our Sages, therefore, stress minimal contact among couples. One can have an amazing time going out with his wife but that’s where it should end. If one thinks he can hold himself back and boast I was raised in a co-ed society and I never had any thoughts of others.” Well, are you sure about that? Till this very day, some people fast after the concluding holidays of Pesach and Succot because of bad thoughts. In ancient times, there would be large crowds gathering at the Bet Hamikdash (Temple) where men and women would see each other, even if it was separate. Today as well, if one goes to an innocent Jewish concert, Baruch Hashem bli ein-hara, many of us know how to groom and take care of ourselves sometimes a bit too excessively. Well, people have thoughts.

Sixth portion
* If a man is newlywed, he cannot go to the army; he shall stay home for one year and gladden his wife. In order for one to be happy to the fullest, he has to make others happy. The first year of marriage is quite crucial in developing a bond between man and wife.

Seventh Portion
* Interesting, relatives are not responsible for their relatives’ sins. I guess I’m Jewish, I’m going to leave off with a unanswered question. King David was forced to take the offspring of Shaul, the previous king, who was killed in battle, and deliver them to the enemy in retribution for Shaul killing their people. Why did Shaul’s offspring get punished for the sins of their grandfather?

The Rebellious Streak In All of Us

August 18, 2013 Rabbi Avi Matmon G-d and Us No comments

This article is based on the writings of Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz, and Rav Eliyahu Dessler. Addition help and insights were provided by Rabbis Jay Shapiro, Baruch Dopelt, Yossi Bilus, Uri Sklaar, and Dr. Robert Goldman.

The Hollywood movie formula is pretty much the same. So many people have seen this scenario at one point or another, whether on flat screen, the computer, or even on their iphones: Two people are having an adulterous affair when the husband walks into the house. The adulterer jumps off the couch and hides behind the curtain. The audience wonders if he’s going to get caught as the wife tries to divert his attention from where the other man is hiding.

The husband is hungry, having not eaten after a long day at work, decides to nibble on the berries that he finds by the window sill. The adulterer see’s this and jumps out from where he was hiding, grabbing the berries from the husbands hand.

Apparently the berries were poisonous

Why did the adulterer save him?

Did he feel guilty and even feel a little remorse?

Perhaps he now feels, hey! I saved your life so as compensation your wife is mine.

Or perhaps there’s a different reason…

This scenario is not a Hollywood contraption; it’s actually a Gemara found at the end of tractate Nedarim.

The Gemara seems to indicate that the adulterer is not really an adulterer; after all why would he save him?

Isn’t it the best interest of the adulterer to have the husband dead?

“Perhaps not” Rava says and introduces us to a very interesting concept found all through our holy books.

MAYIM G’NIVIM NIMTAKU- stolen waters are sweet

Rava teaches us that the adulterer wants to keep the husband alive so that the affair with his wife would be exciting. Otherwise it wouldn’t be pleasurable.

Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz takes a similar story one step further stating that there are people would testify in court that the husband is alive even though he’s really dead. They want to create a pseudo adulterous environment as they make advances on the wife

Rav Chaim was puzzled about this; “the person testifying knows he’s dead! How can he say he’s alive and derive pleasure?
He wants to create an imaginary married woman because ‘stolen waters are sweeter’.

One can find the story quite bazaar, to say the least, one would think, hey, there are many desperados out there. Or perhaps one might think the dude’s who think like that are sicko’s.

It’s a mind boggling thought that one can go to such an extreme!!

The Talmud hints this idea again in a difficult Gemara found in Sanhedrin (75). It’s funny, though, many in our day and age have had infatuations over girls, however the Talmud seems to indicate that on rare occasions an innocent crush could lead to devastating results:
Again I paraphrase:
Someone has eyes on a woman and desires her and it seems like it’s having a serious psychological impact on his health. He becomes terribly sick as result of his infatuation to a point where death is imminent.

How can we save him?
Can we allow him to have relations with her?
No.

Can we allow the woman to undress before him so he can be satisfied and then cured?
The answer is no.
Can we allow him to speak to her behind a partitioner perhaps he would be satiated and be cured?
The answer is no.
Because of modesty laws we cannot degrade our Jewish girls.
So the Gemara asks a question.
Why doesn’t he simply just marry her? …..That will cure him!
The Gemara answers “It wouldn’t help, he would not receive the high caliber pleasure needed to quench his desire and recuperate from the psychological damage because, as his wife, she is permitted to him. Once she is permitted the pleasure is not as strong.
Better he die then to sin.

Why is the Talmud in various places insinuating that a married woman or someone who is not permissible is more desirable then one who is single?
What allure does a married woman have?
Perhaps this next story in the prophets will shed some light.

King Shlomo the smartest man that ever lived…..

King Solomon was the smartest man who ever lived. When his father, King David, was on his deathbed, he instructed his son, Shlomo, to use his own discretion (to kill) in dealing with Shimi ben Gera, who cursed the King (David) many years before. The verbal offensive remark by Shimi against the king is punishable by death, but for reasons undisclosed at that time, David did not act. After the death of his father, King Solomon summoned Shimi ben Gera and instructed him not to leave the boundaries of Jerusalem or he will be killed. ‘Build a house, learn Torah within the walls of the city; live your life till old age in Jerusalem. But don’t step outside the city or else’. Pretty easy, huh? We learn that it was extremely difficult for Shimi to stay in the confines of Jerusalem and to keep the arrangement, which Shlomo mapped out. Eventually he crossed the line and the King ordered his execution

Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz asks, ‘I don’t understand, why Shimi ben Gera couldn’t keep this simple arrangement? He was a very intelligent G-d fearing man. Plus, I know families that haven’t left Jerusalem for seven generations”. Many of us have relatives who have not left Israel and have no desire to leave anytime soon. It’s mind boggling how he wasn’t able to keep such a simple command’.

Apparently, man was born with an instinct to rebel, to break barriers and even a desire for imaginary barriers. Dr. Robert Goldman, psychologist for Chofetz Chaim Yeshiva, quotes Rav Volve, ‘Man’s nature strives for independence. He has an attitude ‘just to prove I don’t have to listen to you’ and they constantly create a situation to rebel. Ever wonder why some people violate Shabbat even though it’s clear in the Torah of the grave consequences; subconsciously they say ‘let’s see if I can get away with it’.
Dr. Goldman read a survey where bosses that married their secretaries, after a number of years, most relationships broke off. He mentions very often interest is lost in many of the cases. The relation, being now permissible, took all the fun out. He says it’s “the same when a couple move in together out of wedlock only to break up after they tie the knot. Why? On a sub-conscience level they’re rebelling against society, rebelling against the norm of getting married feels good.
In this week’s parsha, Ki Teitzei, we learn if a man goes to war and captures a woman from the enemy and desires her, and the Jewish soldier wants to take her home with him (prized stolen waters), the Torah permits him to do so but puts provisions; she has to shave her head, grow her nails long, and not see her parents for a period of time. Apparently, the Torah knows man will not be able to withstand the desire. Therefore, the Torah with it’s wisdom, tries to defuse ‘the forbidden fruits’ by making it legal, but with a few minor conditions. Apparently, the Torah believes that when the pressure subsides and the soldier doesn’t feel the rebellious streak, the desire for her will go away.

Television was a big influence on our generation in America. Even more so were the commercials where so many of us fell to our knees and swallowed the Kool-Aid.

A friend mentioned how he once, at age fourteen, went, incognito, to the fast food non kosher hamburger restaurant, famous for its very appetizing commercials. Years ago fast food restaurants advertised very heavily and successfully. My friend bought a burger and quickly snuck in a very empty movie theater so no one can see him and ate it. I remember back then, him telling me how incredible it was.
However I asked him later in life how was that hamburger?
Do you recall the incident with the hamburger? I asked.
He said it was nothing special. It was just the fact that he wasn’t allowed to eat it, that made him feel the excitement.

The feeling of rebelliousness gives a person a sense of satisfaction.

How many readers out there feel that their class was the worst behaved class ever? ‘What we did to that school, boy, were they glad to get rid of us. You know we left a mark’. It’s nice to feel your class was the worst in the history of the world, isn’t it?

There is a famous question……

Which is harder….a person not commanded to do a mitzvah and does it anyway or a person who is commanded to do a mitzvah and does it? The answer is simple; a person who is commanded has the greater challenge since he now has the extra struggle of holding back from rebelling.

So after all this it seems we have build in us the tendency to rebel. Yet we were brought up believing that every Jewish soul is pure. Deep down inside all we want to do is good. This is in contrast to the rebellious streak in all of us…So which is it?

There seems to be a contradicting message. Rebellious streak or pure soul?

The Mystics say there is an extreme importance in saying the first blessing mentioning Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov in the Amida, which is considered the most important passage in prayer we have.

Man lost his purity as the result of the sin of eating from the tree. Through their experiences our three fathers Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov brought back a degree of that pure soul. They instilled it into our spiritual DNA.

Throughout our lives we are in constant battle between the rebellious nature and the pure soul.

King Solomon knew human nature the minute you put barriers on someone or tell him not to do something, the task becomes harder, even to a man as great as Shimi.

Shimi was not able to dig in deep and connect to the pure soul of our forefathers thereby succumbing to a rebellious streak

David didn’t kill Shimi because he foresaw from divine knowledge that in the future he will produce children and from them the great Mordechai will come out. He therefore commanded Shlomo his son to implement the plan that would lead to his demise. This occurred after he gave birth to the future Tzadik Mordechai.

Around the Shabbat Table – Parshat Bereishit

August 16, 2013 Rabbi Avi Matmon Emunah/ Belief in G-D, Kid's Section No comments

By Rabbi Gedalia Fogel

Hi! This is Rebbe speaking:

We have just experienced the most holy and important days of the year. We had a chance to repent, ask for forgiveness and pray for a year of health and prosperity. But we must remember to hold on to all this throughout the year. Each and every day we must try to keep the commitments that we have undertaken and we must not despair when we fail for we can and should try again. All the blessings will stay with us if we believe that Hashem has forgiven us and we are starting with a clean slate.

Many people go to a Rabbi for a blessing. It seems that some of those blessings do not bear fruit. But a great Rabbi once said, “All those blessings are legitimate and have the power to come true, but some lose them on their way out, at the door, others the next day and some a week later. We must really believe that Hashem will and can perform those blessings, in order for them to be fulfilled. If those who received the blessings would truly believe, then their blessing would be fulfilled.

This week’s parsha, Parshat Bereishit, speaks about the wondrous creation. Hashem created the world in six days and on the seventh day, Shabbat, he rested. So too, we work all week, but on Shabbat we rest.

In the time of the Rambam, Reb Moshe ben Maimon, (Maimonides) there were a group of people that did not believe that there was a creator. They assumed that the world just happened by chance. The holy Rambam wanted to teach these people a lesson. He hired a professional artist. He had him paint a room. Then he invited these people to come see this artwork, but he did not tell them about the artist.

They entered the room and glanced at the wall they were facing and were amazed. It looked like a forest with all sorts of wild animals. It looked so real they reached for their bow and arrow to shoot at the animals. They then noticed the wall to their right, a glorious scene of water with all wondrous fish and underwater plants. It was breathtaking. They took a look at the ceiling and could not believe that they were indoors. It depicted a clear blue sky with fluffy white clouds scattered throughout. Beautiful birds of all sizes and a large eagle were there too. Wow!

Who created all these beautiful paintings? It was then that they noticed a small table in the center of the room. On it was a paper, an inkwell, a feather, brush, and paints. The paper had a beautiful scene of glorious mountains, some with water running down its sides. Truly astounding! They looked around for the Rambam to ask him who the master of these magnificent paintings was. But the Rambam had stepped out of the room and allowed them to ponder this thought for a while.

The third wall was a scene of a stunning garden, plush green grass with flowers of every color adorning it. They even bent down to smell the scent of the flowers since they looked so real. The final wall was a field of wheat and an orchard with flourishing tall fruit trees.

Who created all this? At that moment the Rambam returned. “Who painted this room, created a truly magnificent, real setting? The Rambam responded, “Don’t you see the feather, ink, brush and paints? Why, they created these scenes by themselves. It just happened by chance.” “Of course that can’t happen.” They retorted. “There must be someone that used these tools to paint this room.”

“You’re right. There was an artist that made these paintings, which only look real but in essence it is not. But come on men, if this room could not manifest itself do you really believe that a world so intricate with so many wondrous creations can be created by itself?!” The point was clear and each man left the room a believer.

The word בראשית is written with a big ב. The dot in the ב is like the letter י. This is to show that the entire world was created for כלל ישראל, for the Jews. It is our job to use what Hashem has created to do His will.

What have we learned today?

What are some ways that we can keep the spirit of the days of Tishrei, from Rosh Hashana through Simchat Torah, with us throughout the year?

We can try to think of one thing that uplifted us throughout these days. Was it the time that you heard the Shofar that you were inspired? Was it the dancing with the Torah? Was it when you shook your lulav and etrog? Or was it when you stood and prayed on Yom Kippur? If you pinpoint the time that you felt uplifted, you can reminisce this feeling throughout the year as a reminder of repentance and belief that Hashem forgives and we can change.

How can we strengthen our Emunah, belief in Hashem?

If we just look around us and notice all the things that Hashem has created we will strengthen our belief. When you go to the zoo, look at all the amazing animals and you will be reminded that Hashem is the creator. On a bright clear day, glance up at the glorious blue sky and remember that Hashem created this outstanding world. When taking a walk take notice of how many different shades and shapes of leaves there are and how many different types of flowers.

Keep your eyes open and you will surely notice that there is a masterful creator that created this amazing world.

Why is Man Called Adam?

August 16, 2013 Rabbi Avi Matmon G-d and Us No comments

The most popular reason why man is called Adam is because man comes from the “adama” – the ground. However, there are other various names that Adam is called by; some are Ish, Enosh and Gevar. Why is it that “Adam” was the name chosen to represent man? We just finished a month long of holidays and the one underlying theme throughout the month – or I should say two months – is teshuva – repentance. During this period, we pound our hearts and we recite the thirteen attributes of G-d. As we said in our High Holidays issue, G-d guarantees us that if nothing else works, that if no other method of prayer is accepted, the thirteen attributes will go through. What is it about this particular prayer that has that kind of ability? The philosophy behind the recitation is we have to strive to be like G-d, and by reciting His attributes, we affirm our commitment to work on ourselves to have just the right measurement of kindness, mercifulness, temperament, etc. This is the reason why “Adam”, represents man the best. We learn in the prophets “Adameh Le Elyon”, which means we shall be similar to G-d. This is man’s mission in life. So our goal is to be like G-d, Adameh.

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