Archive for Rabbi Avi Matmon

A deal is a deal no turning back

December 3, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s  Yissachar Frand,, Yonnatan Zweig Yossi Bilius and Dr. Abba Goldman

Some troubling questions on the parsha:
* In the morning, when Yaakov realized that the woman with him was Leah and not Rachel, he asked her, “Why have you tricked me into believing that you were Rachel?” Leah responded, “It is from you that I learned to do so. Did you not pose as your brother in order to receive the blessings?” How do Yaakov’s actions validate Leah’s?
* Rachel asks Leah to give her the Dudaim, a plant she received which is good for fertility, to which Leah retorts, “Is it not enough that you took my husband, now the gift that my son has given me?  How can our matriarch Leah have the audacity to treat Rachel in this manner? If it wasn’t for Rachel, you, Leah, would not be married to Yaakov! She gave up the man she loved so you shouldn’t be embarrassed when caught!!
* Why does Yaakov have two names, Yaakov and Yisrael?
* Does one ever wonder, “Why are there four Matriarchs and only three Patriarchs?”
“If G-d will be with me, and He will guard me on this way that I am going; and He will give me bread to eat and clothes to wear, and I will return in peace to my father’s house, and Hashem will be a G-d to me – then this stone which I have set as a pillar shall become a house of G-d, and whatever You will give me, I shall surely tithe to You.” [Bereshis 28:20-22]
HAKADOSH BARUCHU, LET’S MAKE A DEAL!!
In effect, Yaakov makes a deal here with the Master of the Universe. This has been a time-honored tradition in the Jewish nation that people have in effect made deals with the Almighty and has triggered deals made between nobles and commoners, between businessmen.
Covenants in biblical times were often sealed by severing an animal, with the implication that the party who breaks the covenant will suffer a similar fate. In Hebrew, the verb meaning “to seal a covenant” translates literally as “to cut”. It is presumed by Jewish scholars that one of the reasons of the removal of the foreskin symbolically represents such a sealing of the covenant. After an agreement was made between G-d and the parties involved an animal was sacrificed and the two parties passed between the two halves. Perhaps, that is where the expression “cut the cards” originated. There you go: a biblical source for gambling.
In today’s society, on 47th street, the heart of the jewelry industry, one would consummate a deal on a hand shake and proclaim “MAZAL U’BRACHA”. Millions of dollars would be decided on a handshake. Interestingly, by saying “mazal u’bracha” the two parties are wishing each other hatzlacha and bracha, a well wished blessing. “From the deal we made together you should have success”.
Negotiations, agreements, let’s make a deal, handshake, marriage vows, pow wows, YOM KIPPUR promises (!!!) are ingrained in us since birth. Well, come to think of it, a few years after birth.
‘
What is the difference between a terrorist and a two year old?
One can negotiate with the terrorist.
Making deals is a fundamental necessity in a functional society. An individual lives by them; countries honor them.  Avraham and Avimelech make a treaty, a deal, after Yitzchak was born. As long as the descendants of Avimelech dwell on the land, no descendants of Avraham will wage war against them. This covenant was the reason later why Israel couldn’t capture Eastern part of Jerusalem. Avraham called the western part Yeru- to see G-d (holy place). Shalem, the eastern part was originally inherited by Noach’s son – Shem. The name “Shalem” comes from Shem. In Yehoshua’s time the Philishtim lived in the Shalem, the eastern part. Although Yehoshua, the leader of the Israelites, conquered the western part, in honor of the treaty the Israelites refrained from entering the Eastern part. It wasn’t until the last descendant of Avimelech died after the time of Yehoshua did the children of Judeah took it.
Please listen to this story about making good on a deal. I’m sure we all at one point made a deal with G-d.  Rabbi Yissachar Frand heard in the name of Reb Chatzkel Besser. He personally heard this story from the Sadegerer Rebbe in Tel Aviv.
So much of life is being in the right place at the right time or being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The Sadegerer Rebbe had to be in Vienna on Shabbat Parshas Zachor, March 12, 1938. Interestingly, it was before Purim; he too had to deal with Amalek, the Jewish nation’s worst enemy. On Friday leading into Shabbat, the brown shirted Nazis marched into Vienna and ransacked Jewish homes. Subsequently, the Nazis invaded Vienna and that was the beginning of the end for Viennese Jewry.
Ironically, the famous Reichman Family was also in Vienna in 1938. That Shabbat was supposed to be the Bar Mitzvah of the eldest brother Edward Reichman. Unfortunately – or at least what they thought was unfortunate at the time – Mrs. Reichman’s father who still lived in Hungary (in Beled) had a stroke. They wanted very much that the grandfather should be at the Bar Mitzvah, but he was in no condition to travel to Vienna. So the week before the Bar Mitzvah the Reichman family with three of their children left Vienna to celebrate the Bar Mitzvah in Hungary. Samuel Reichman (the father) never stepped foot in Vienna again. That is how he was able to make it out of Europe.
The Sadegerer Rebbe had no such luck. The brown shirted Nazis zeroed in on every prominent Jew they could find. They grabbed Jews out of cabs, out of shuls, out of every place they could find them. They captured the Sadegerer Rebbe.
Years later, Rabbi Chatzkel Besser visited Tel Aviv. Early one morning, he was walking into the synagogue of the Sadegerer Rebbe. He noticed the Jewish street cleaner sweeping the street and the sidewalk on the block of the small shul. When the street cleaner reached the sidewalk immediately in front of the small shul, he stopped sweeping, walked past the shul, and then resumed his cleaning operation on the next block.
The tension between chareidi and chiloni – observant Jews and non-observant Jews was high, to say the least. Israelis have a tendency to do things in an extreme fashion. Religion and secularism is no exception. Rabbi Chatzkel Besser sensed anti-religious discrimination here and went over to the street cleaner and objected. “What’s wrong with this piece of sidewalk?” The street cleaner responded “HaRebbe lo noten reshut” (“The Rebbe does not allow me to sweep there.”) Reb Chatzkel Besser did not believe him and repeated his question to which the street cleaner repeated the same answer.
He thought the street cleaner was making up the story or just being lazy. He went into the Rebbe and asked him directly “Why won’t the street cleaner sweep in front of your shul?” The Rebbe put him off and did not give him a straight answer. This was Friday morning. He kept badgering the Rebbe Friday night, Shabbat morning, Shabbat afternoon: “What does it mean ‘HaRebbe lo noten reshut’?”
At the end of Shabbat, the Rebbe relented and explained the true story to his guest. When he was in Vienna that Shabbat in March 1938, the Nazis took him and dressed him up in one of the uniforms of the street cleaners of Vienna and they gave him a tiny little broom. They placed him by the steps of the Vienna Opera House and ordered him to clean every step.
Of course, this was a humiliating experience for the Rebbe. He was wearing one of those little street cleaner’s caps and essentially holding a tooth brush, cleaning the massive steps of the Vienna landmark. He related that at that moment he made a “deal” with G-d. He said, “Master of the Universe, if You help me escape from here, I promise You: I will sweep the streets of Eretz Yisrael.”
He made it out and he kept his promise. When he arrived in Eretz Yisrael and set up a shul there, he accepted upon himself that he would not let anyone sweep outside his Bet Haknesset – he would do it himself. Every day, he would sweep the sidewalk in front of his shul because of the deal he made with the Almighty, in the tradition of Yaakov Avinu.
THE DEAL AND ITS REPERCUSSIONS
What more of a deal can be said of the one made between two brothers, two twins, Yaakov and Eisav. Interestingly, it was made over a cup of soup. We begin [25, 29], last week’s parsha, the story of the twins where Eisav and Yaakov make a deal. Eisav comes from the field tired and hungry and asks “What do you have to eat”.  Yaakov ends up with the first born title in return Eisav receives a bowl of soup.
This arrangement happened to be of great significance in our history for it put in place the future of Israel. The bracha was the catalyst in placing the Jewish people as ambassadors to the Almighty and putting us in the driver’s seat. We are in control of our own destiny. If we succeed in our ability to follow G-d, the world then will be our subornments. If, however, we do not follow the commandments then Eisav will prevail as world leader, dominate us and cause us great distress.  Unfortunately, it was also the beginning of a deep seated hatred that Eisav and his descendants had towards our people. Let’s see what transpired because of the arrangement of the bracha and the soup.
“And it was in the morning, and behold, it was Leah!” (29:25)
According to the Talmud, Yaakov gave Rachel a secret message that would identify her on their marriage night. He did this in order to prevent Lavan from substituting Leah for Rachel. When Rachel realized that Leah would be publicly humiliated if she could not give Yaakov the message, Rachel revealed the secret words to her. In the morning, when Yaakov realized that the woman with him was Leah and not Rachel, he asked her, “Why have you tricked me into believing that you were Rachel?” Leah responded, “It is from you that I learned to do so. Did you not pose as your brother in order to receive the blessings?”
 How do Yaakov’s actions validate Leah’s? Later in the Parsha, Reuvein, Leah’s eldest son, brings her Dudaim, a plant that, according to some commentaries increases the chances of conception. Rachel asks Leah to give her the Dudaim, to which Leah retorts, “Is it not enough that you took my husband? Now you want to take my son’s Dudaim?”
How could Leah make such a statement when the only reason that she was married to Yaakov was because of Rachel’s kindness toward her?  Rachel gave the signs over to her sister for she should not be embarrassed in case she’s caught. She gave up the man she loved, at least for the immediate time being, and this is how she is treated? Where is the gratefulness towards Rachel?
To begin answering the aforementioned questions, we must first answer another question: Why are there four Matriarchs and only three Patriarchs? The answer is that there were supposed to be four Patriarchs. Eisav had the potential for becoming an Av. It is only due to his making the wrong choices that he lost this right. Yaakov filled the void created by Eisav and functioned as two Avot. He was therefore given a second name, Yisrael.
 Rashi teaches that originally Leah was destined to marry Eisav, and Rachel, Yaakov.
 When Leah saw that Yaakov took over the mantle of Eisav, Leah realized that Yaakov became her soul mate. This is what she alluded to when she told Yaakov, “It is from you I learned. Since you substituted for Eisav, taking his blessings and birthright, you have become my soul mate.” Her argument to Rachel was that it was not due to Rachel’s kindness that Leah married Yaakov; it was Leah’s right once he assumed Eisav’s role. Leah therefore felt justified in criticizing Rachel for having taken away her husband. It is interesting to note that the children who issued forth from Leah had many of Eisav’s characteristics and propensities. Dovid Hamelech, a descendant of Leah’s son Yehuda, is described as “Admoni”, – “of ruddy complexion”.
 This is the same description the Torah gives for Eisav.
 Shimon and Levi were involved in shedding blood, and were admonished by Yaakov for having used Eisav’s craft.
 Leah praised Reuvein for perfecting character flaws which his uncle Eisav displayed.
 A perusal of the verses with Rashi’s commentary shows many examples of this nature. The reason for this phenomenon is as follows: Leah was initially Eisav’s soul mate. Therefore she had many of the same propensities found within Eisav. Whereas Eisav was not able to channel these propensities correctly, it was left up to Leah’s offspring to do so.  The Ramchal who says that Yaakov connects to Rachel and Yisrael to Leah.
When one says “mazal u’bracha” on a deal, it unites the parties. If I sell something to someone, I want him to like it for I want him to come back for more. It sprouts up a caring attitude for one’s fellow business associate.  Making “deals” make one be more responsible; it matures a person; it changes them.
 Now we see the repercussions of a deal, an agreement, made between the two brothers. It incredibly changed the entire landscape, the hierarchy of the Jewish people.
When Eisav made the deal furthermore, it also places us in a dangerous, if we don’t follow the Torah, predicament. The deep seeded hatred stems from that illustrious arrangement.

 

Is it possible to dance at two weddings?

December 3, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s Noach Isaac Oelbaum, Yissachar Frand, Asher Hurtzberg, Yossi Bilius


There is an expression in Hebrew, ‘You can’t dance at two weddings.’ I`m assuming it’s referring to the fact that you can’t be in two places at the same time or wear two different hats, two different faces; be yourself. Well I think that might be contrary to an interesting concept in our Torah, as it might be a necessity to make crucial adjustments in our personality to succeed in life.

The innocent, wet behind the ears yeshiva boy tricks his father into getting the bracha. In this week’s parsha we have one of the most bizarre twists in our holy Torah. Yitzchak, the elderly blind patriarch, expects to give the blessing to his eldest son Eisav. However, Yaacov intervenes, enters his father’s quarters, leads Yitchak to believe he is Eisav and steals the bracha. Perhaps, we presumably can learn that when opportunity knocks on our door, it requires us, at times, to conquer it at any cost? The goal is to be winners in the game of life. We have to be ruthless and stop at nothing to get what we want!! Life is not so easy. Much of the time, climbing the ladder of success seems like an uphill battle so we have to resort to desperate measures. Is that what we learn?

Strangely, Yaacov is perceived as a man of EMET-truth. Boy, it seems like the Torah has a different set of rules then…..Hey wait a minute!! The Torah is the prime source. It is the rule book. The measuring stick of all. Yaacov’s transformation in using trickery seems alarmingly out of character. What else does he have up his sleeve, besides a furry animal hide to make his Eisav costume look authentic? Actually, we notice, he is quite uncomfortable in the role. Why does he have to go through the agony? Why does he have to go through the mascaraed? What is the lesson that the Torah is trying to teach us?

One may notice that there is a pattern in our holy Torah, where we find a temporary transformation of character. Time after time, story after story, many of our heroes are transformed. It’s repeated to teach us a lesson. It’s a vital lesson in life, for we too are often confronted with having to play an undesirable role, a different part and therefore we must know how to survive.

Let us examine a number of our holy ancestors and perhaps we can make sense of how and why the Torah presented the incident of Yaacov in the manner it did.

King Shaul was the first king our nation had. Unfortunately, he was perceived as a tragic figure for he failed to make an important adjustment while Yaacov and Avraham succeeded in dealing with changes that had to be made. This cost him the kingdom.

At the time of the exodus from Egypt, Amalek traveled hundreds of miles to ambush the newly freed nation in the hope of destroying them. We, as a nation, did not pose any threat to their sovereignty. They lived to the east of Canaan and were not among the Seven Nations occupying Eretz Yisroel. Nevertheless, their irrational hatred against G-d and us compelled them to attack a harmless and seemingly defenseless nation. In the aftermath of their attack we were commanded to always remember the evil that is Amalek.
In the year 2883 – 878 b.c.e., King Shaul was sent by G-d to destroy the nation of Amalek. Agag was their king, and it was a singular moment in history when every member of Amalek was in one place at the same time. A window of opportunity had arrived. The king had a mission. Shaul, as per Shmuel Hanavi’s instructions, was successful in destroying Amalek. However, Shaul had mercy and allowed the king, Agag, to remain alive, as well as the captured cattle. The commentaries state that in the interim, Agag was able to impregnate a maidservant, from which the nation of Amalek would survive. G-d told Shmuel that Shaul’s neglect of His command to totally destroy Amalek must result in Shaul losing the right to be king. Despite Shmuel’s prayers for mercy, Hashem didn’t relent, and Shmuel went to tell Shaul of G-d’s punishment.
This grave sin of Shaul came back to haunt our people. The connection to Purim is well documented. Haman, the second in command of the Persian Empire, is called, “the Agagi”. He was a direct descendent of Agag. Haman wanted to annihilate Israel.

In accepting G-d’s mercy and justice, we are forced to acknowledge our limited understanding. The notion of killing men, women and children is thankfully foreign and cruel to us. Nevertheless, Shaul was commanded to wipe out the entire nation.

When Shaul finally realized his sin, Shaul explains that the reason he spared the Amalek animals is because that is what the people wanted. Shmuel responds harshly to Shaul, “Even if you are small in your own eyes, you are the leader of the Tribes of Israel.” This is not the time or place for modesty. True, that is your natural inclination and normally it is a good inclination, but your particular mission in life at this time is to rise above that. This mission was something Shaul failed to accomplish and as a result he was stripped of the monarchy.

‘Shaul was compassionate to the enemy and he was cruel to his own people.’ This is in reference to the eighty kohanim he killed who gave David shelter.
On the other hand, at the end of the chapter, Shmuel asks that the Agag, King of Amalek be brought before him. Agag, when brought before Shmuel, proclaimed, “Truly the bitterness of death has passed.” (Achen sar mar hamaves) [Pasuk 32]

Most commentaries interpret Agag’s ambiguous remark to be a resignation to the fact that his time was now up. He no longer has to fear the bitterness of death because death was now upon him. However, the Ralbag interprets differently. The Ralbag says that Agag was saying the reverse. When he saw the Shmuel HaNavi, he proclaimed: “Now, I am spared. This is my lucky day. I am not going to be killed!”

The Ralbag explains that in encountering Shmuel’s countenance, Agag was impressed with his great compassion and mercy. He said to himself, “This man is the epitome of gentleness and kindness. Such a person will never kill me.”

But Shmuel looked straight at Agag and proclaimed, “Just as your sword made women childless, so shall your mother be childless among the women.” “And Shmuel split (vayeshasef) Agag before Hashem in Gilgal.” [Pasuk 33] The verb vayeshasef means he cut up Agag in four pieces. This gentle and frail prophet first cut Agag in half with a sword and then cut him again down the middle into four pieces.

What happened to Shmuel’s gentleness? What happened to his compassion? This was the occasion in his life when his mission called for him to overcome his natural inclination. He had to act in a way that was different than he would normally be inclined to act. He had to go beyond who he was to satisfy G-d’s Will.

Our purpose in this world is to do what we need to do, despite who we are. Shmuel met his challenge to do that. Shaul did not.

The message of having to be forced to use the opposite character trait to perform mitzvoth is found clearly with the patriarch we call Mr. Chessed (kindness), Avraham. In the beginning of Parshat Vayera we find Avraham, in the piercing heat, waiting for guests despite just being circumcised. Hachnasat orchim- receiving guests was his trademark. His compassion for his fellow human being was unprecedented. Interestingly at the end of the very same parsha we find Avraham doing what many would consider cruel savagery as he was prepared to slaughter his son. Avraham at that very moment turned off his Ahava-love of G-d and turned on his fear of G-d. The ability to transform from his natural instinct and natural character is quite commendable.

G-d tells Avraham, “Now I know that you are G-d fearing.”(22,12.) Avraham was a tzadic before. What is G-d referring to when he mentions, “Now I know”? The Vilna Goan teaches us that Man is not complete until he performs two opposite character traits for good. If he only performs one he is not considered a tzadic.

It’s easy to perform kindness when your natural instincts are compassion. The same applies to Yaacov, whose honesty is second nature, and would find lying appalling and nauseating.

The Torah does not provide specific reward for its commandments with the exception of two: Honor your father and your mother, and Shiluach Haken – to send away the mother bird first when one wants to take the chicks or the eggs. Regarding both mitzvoth the Torah says he will enjoy long life.

There is not a mitzvah of more chessed then taking care of parents, especially old and cranky parents. What is the old expression? One parent can take care of ten kids; however, ten children can’t take care of one parent? The chessed is enormous; it’s performed daily. However, there is no crueler commandment then Sheluach hakan. This is the ultimate cruelty. Imagine, shooing the mother bird and taking her chicks! The Torah, though, links the two commandments. They are polar opposites but share the same reward. The Torah teaches us one can do a mitzvah with two traits quite the opposite of each other and get the same reward. There is no such thing as a bad trait, whether it be anger, jealousy, or even murder. Every trait can be used for either good or evil.

Yaacov used his tools to the utmost. When the situation demanded, when he was dealing with a Lavan, he told Lavan, “I am your match in trickery. You cannot pull a fast one on me.”

Yitchak loved Eisav, whose job it was to take care of his younger brother. Eisav was outgoing; he was street smart; no one could pull the wool under his eyes. Yaacov, on the other hand, was learning in Yeshiva presumably for the rest of his life. This is perfectly acceptable for the world needs goodness in the highest level. Rivka knew better. She knew Eisav not only wouldn’t be able to take care of Yaacov but he wouldn’t be able to manage himself. His evil inclination was dominating him. Yitchak, shockingly, realized after Yaacov tricked him, “How in the world did he pull that one off? I didn’t know he had it in him, that he had the qualification to be great and lead the world.” Yaacov used trickery – the polar opposite of EMET – to get the bracha. In order to grow in the world one has to go against his nature even though it’s very difficult. If one believes in something he must get it done any which way possible using all his tools in the tool box. One has to learn to dance at two weddings.

JERUSALEM – THE UNITED CITY
Every one of us has a connection to the land of Israel. When we do go to the holy land, it’s pretty much a given – a visit to Jerusalem is expected. One feels spiritually uplifted, especially when visiting the KOTEL.
This week, Yaakov, our forefather has the “famous dream”. He camps out in this PLACE. The famous place is where the Temple mount stands, today. Yaakov takes twelve little stones and surrounds them around himself as he’s about to go to sleep. When he gets up the next morning, the twelve stones have become one. According to the Zohar this stone became the foundation where the world stands and it runs deep inside the earth under the Temple mount.
Our TORAH HAKEDOSHA can be understood on many levels. One level is using “the same word” method. There were evil people in the time of Avraham, who build a tower, so they can climb way up and destroy G-d. Although their intentions were bad, the fact that they were united – they were not destroyed! However, even though G-d loves unity, it was for the wrong reasons and any unity for the wrong reasons doesn’t last!
The scripture describes the tower in Parshat Noach by stating: ” VE ROSHO BA SHAMAYIM- its head is in the sky”. In this week’s parsha when Yaakov dreams, he dreams of a ladder and its head reaches the sky – VE ROSHO (there’s that word again) MAGIYA SHAMAYMA.
The Sages learn from it that there are two unities: one ROSHO – for evil and one ROSHO – for G-d. This spot, where the Temple mount is located and where the first and second stood, and where the future third Temple will stand. As long as the Jews are united for the right reasons, the Temple will be built. The twelve stones represent the twelve tribes of Israel united, fused together by one central being, G-d. This place -MAKOM – the temple is a representation of unity and peace. There was never any metal allowed to enter into the Temple because metal represents war. Our Shabbat table in many ways represents an altar that was an important vehicle in the temple. Many communities have the tradition to take the metal knives off the table when the grace after meal is recited. We do this to show a sign of peace, a sign of unity.
The united city doesn’t mean being united with other countries. It’s a place where all the Jews are supposed to be united. When we are unified then we will be allowed to build the Temple and live there in peace! May we see the rebuilding of the Third Temple in our times very soon!

 

Lying in order to get married, is it permissible?

November 15, 2015 Uncategorized No comments

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s  Baruch Dopelt, Yossi Bilius, Aron Tendler, Doniel Neustadt,  Eliyahu ben Chaim and Dr. Abba Goldman,  Miedel Weissman,  Erez Okchon

It’s not easy getting married: it’s not easy staying married. For that matter, it’s exceptionally not easy being single. What shall one do?  Interestingly, human nature is such that most gravitate towards finding a mate to wed. Subconsciously to find a mate and to do it legally, not just to live with someone is what people strive and feel the need. Having weak knees and having the feelings of being forced and dragged down in shackles to the altar is for the most part not true. That’s our western society sense of humor…HA- HA- HA. There is a built-in mechanism in all of us to get married. Our religion encourages matrimony and indicates that one elevates their status in the world. There is an element of maturity, responsibility that one takes upon themselves that G-d likes. In fact it is written in the holy books that G-d forgives one’s sins when they get married. How is that for an incentive!! They start a new, fresh clean slate.
 Interestingly, most people are more at peace with themselves when they tie the knot.  Does one ever wonder why we say “Shiduch” referring to finding a mate? The word “shiduch” is Aramaic for “peaceful” or “tranquil” (see Targum Shoftim 3:11), referring to the peacefulness which a woman senses when she finds her match and establishes her home (Ran, Shabbat 12a).  A man has a better concentration on spiritual matters when married. For this reason the Sages recommend that on one of the holiest days of the year, Rosh Hashana, the Chazzan should be married.
Others maintain that the word “shiduch” means “to bind or tie” together (Aruch).  One is only a half until he meets and binds with his shiduch.
It is a mitzvah to arrange a shiduch between a man and a woman for the object of matrimony even to arrange it on Shabbat, and if necessary, it is even permitted to discuss financial arrangements on Shabbat. This is unprecedented considering how stringent it is to keep the Shabbat.
  Considering the importance a shiduch might mean to one’s life, its human nature that one would do anything to get a mate that they think is most suitable. Competition is fierce.  Some might resort to enhance themselves in a very exaggerate way. One can argue “what’s a little white lie?”  It’s for constructive purposes…..Well, is it allowed?
This week’s Parsha is the only place in the Torah where a shiduch investigation is initiated and conducted.
Avraham summoned his servant and charged him with the mission of finding a suitable wife for his son Yitzhak. Avraham had his servant swear that he would not take a wife for Isaac from the local Canaanite women. Instead, he asked him to travel to Aram, his native land, and find a wife for Yitzhak.
The servant set out for his master’s homeland and evening time found him beside the city well. He prayed for success in his mission, and asked for a heavenly sign to confirm his choice of a girl for Isaac. He would ask a maiden for a drink of water, and the one who would answer: “Certainly, and I’ll also give your camels to drink as well,” would be the proper choice for Isaac. Immediately a young lady approached and in response to the servant’s request for a drink, she offered to give his camels to drink too. Upon questioning her, he discovered that she was Avraham’s great-niece, Rivka.
Interestingly, the servant is the one who is burdened to find a mate for his master’s son. It seems like there is no effort on Yitzchak’s part to hunt for a wife. Perhaps, this is as close as one gets to a mail order bride. It was different in our generations: we were subjugated to the long grueling and humiliating single events to find our Eshet Chayil.
As one examines the scriptures, one realizes that Eliezer alters the account of the story – as he tells over to Rivka’s father and brother of how he met their daughter. He changes the sequence of events telling the father and brother, Betuel and Lavan, that he gave the girl the jewelry – only after she disclosed her name. However, that was not so. He gave her the jewelry first – before he asked her name.
Our Sages were puzzled as to why the Torah devoted so much space to this single episode. “The conversation of the servants of Patriarchs is more pleasing before the Omnipresent than the Torah of the sons. For the section of Eliezer is repeated in the Torah, whereas many important principles of the Law were given only by hinting.” (Rashi 24:42).
In the Torah, words count for much. Something that is especially important is often repeated, such as the mitzvot of Shabbat and circumcision. Here, too, it is for us to discover what is so significant in this story.
Eliezer didn’t think Betuel and Lavan would appreciate if told about the miracle through prayer. As soon as he finished his prayers, it materialized. For the girl that he described to G-d actually appeared and performed the kindness in his presence. He knew without a doubt: G-d was sending what he asked. Therefore, he altered the truth. Evil people like Betuel and Lavan would dismiss his explanation. Eliezer rationalized they wouldn’t believe him, that he made up the whole thing, that he was some kind of “nut” and therefore spoil the shiduch if told the truth.
We learned two very important lessons from this incident.  Firstly, one almost always needs a miracle in the area of shiduchim. Much of shiduchim is illogical; much of shiduchim leaves people scratching their heads.  G-d is the ultimate signer of every shiduch and HE puts it together, no matter what and where, as HE sees fit, in the craziest circumstances, it will happen!!!
 Secondly, even more astonishing, the Torah gives leeway for altering the truth, ever so slightly, nevertheless, point be taken, for the sake of finishing the deal, for making the shiduch take place. For putting two people together the little white lie has to take place.
Once a Rabbi overhears his wife, who is on the phone in the kitchen, persuading a young man to go out again even though he didn’t think she was for him. A little while later she tells the girl, the date, “yes, I received a call from him and he’s crazy about you and can’t wait to see you again”.  The shadchan-matchmaker was afraid that if she knew he’s “pareve” about her, she will be discouraged and lose interest. Incredibly, this couple got married and has six kids.    
The million dollar question is to what extent one can lie? Is there a gauge of how truthful one can be?  What often happens when one is asked to give his opinion, of course in confidentiality, about a particular young man or young woman, is that people tend to speak when they should be quiet and hold back when they ought to speak up.
Interestingly, from the beginning of matchmaking, till this very day, it’s understood, that the parties are not telling the truth to a certain degree. The truth, for the most part has been slightly altered.  Should one always expect that a few years have been latched on or off the age disclosed for both a girl and a boy?
INFORMATION:
It is prohibited for either party in a prospective match to give false information or to withhold pertinent information about them. In certain cases, withholding or falsifying information could result in the invalidation of a marriage (22). Even a couple who has been married many years may be considered to be living in sin if pertinent information was withheld at the time of their marriage.
The Sages give some examples of information that may not be withheld in a prospective match [and which–if withheld–may invalidate a marriage]: A serious physical or mental illness (23), infertility (24),   and financial status (25), lack of religious observance (26), previous marital status (27), previous illicit relationships (28), conversion (29), and adoption (30).
One is not required to divulge a deficiency which most people do not consider to be an impediment, such as a minor illness (31), a physical weakness or a minor blemish in one’s lineage (32). Similarly, it is not required to divulge a transgression in the distant past for which the sinner has repented (33).
Since it is often difficult to gauge and judge minor drawback versus major deficiencies, a Rabbi must always be consulted.
An individual who is asked for [or is aware of (34)] information about a shiduch must divulge what he knows regarding a “major deficiency”, as detailed above. One who deliberately withholds such information: transgresses the prohibition of “lifnei eiver lo sitein michshol” (35) -“placing an object to stumble before the blind man”.
However, when does this rule apply?  When should the person being asked disclose the information? When should the couple mention the information?
Second date, fifth date, ninth date, when is it the right time to disclose before transgressing the prohibition of “lifnei eiver lo sitein michshol” (35).
There was a young man who was slightly handicapped; few of his fingers were paralyzed due to polio he contracted when he was a child. After, a number of dates, his deficiency not being noticed by the girl he was seeing, the young man consulted Rabbi Kanievsky as to when to tell the young lady.
 The reply was before the engagement. The Rabbi ruled the illness that the young man contracted as a child will not affect the future. Therefore, in this particular case, he had to tell the young lady before the engagement.
However, Dr. Goldman indicates that perhaps that’s a unique case. Many Rabbis are under the opinion that information should be told in the early part of dating before the couple is emotionally involved. It should be disclosed way before the engagement. It’s a tremendous responsibility.
Interestingly, a number of professional shadchanim interviewed for this article expressed how careful they are about stretching the truth (age, height, weight), more so than friends and family who volunteer to set up their loved ones out of the goodness of their heart. The professional Shadchanim are more careful of their reputation to be more accurate, for if they disappoint their client with false information they will not be called again and not be recommended to others.
Detrimental information about a shiduch may only be conveyed with the proper intention–for the benefit of one of the parties, not as revenge or in spite of any individual. Even then, the information may only be relayed when (36):
*The condition is serious;
*The condition has not been exaggerated;
*There is a reasonable chance that the information will be accepted and acted upon. If it is likely to be ignored, it is prohibited to be relayed.
One who is unsure if a particular point of information is a major deficiency or if the above conditions have been met should consult a Rav before divulging or withholding any information?
What should parents be looking for in their investigation? Before beginning the search, it is important to decide which values are important to your family and what criteria should be used in evaluating a potential shiduch.
After deciding what you are looking for in the categories of character, family, finances, and looks, evaluate your list in relation to your child. Are you being realistic in your search? Does your child deserve the potential prince or princess that you imagine? Are you underselling your child and limiting his or her choices? Will the son or daughter-in-law you imagine make your child happy? Do you really know better than your children do: who and what they need in a spouse? The Rav of Manchester, Harav Segall Zt’l, once mentioned that after all is said and done, a parent has the obligation to find a shiduch that will make his child happy. It is therefore important to include your son or daughter in the process. Find out who their fantasy spouse is and challenge them to be more realistic and honest. It is a parent’s responsibility to lower or raise a child’s expectations.
Midel Weismann a professional shadchan and a good friend relates an incident when he attended a sheva brachot of a friend’s son.
During the meal of the sheva brachot: the father of the Kalah rises up to speak and discloses the reason why he picked this young man to be his son in-law.  With pride he begins “my daughter had a lot of suiters; however, Moshe struck me to be one with exceptional fine character. I was in B’nai B’rak waiting for a hitch to Tveria, when someone, Moshe, pulls over and after disclosing where I desired to go, he mentioned he’s going in that direction. During the ride I asked what Yeshiva he is learning at and how he likes his Rebbeyim and teachers. I must tell you throughout the two hour journey, which entailed many traffic jams and sudden stops, Moshe did not beep the horn once. It was a pleasure to see such a relaxed individual. I have to compliment his parents and Rebbeyim for instilling in him the trait of tolerance. He was very calm; he never showed any annoyance at the often tumultuous ride. Even when we were about to enter Tveria where there was a Bedouin on a camel who planted himself on the road in front of us, ones immediate reaction is to honk the horn and wave your hands to move off the road. Moshe never even made the motion to hit the steering wheel”.
 “When I left the car I made sure to get as much information so I can inquire and have the shiduch take place with my daughter. Moshe I am proud that you are my son-in-law”
T here was a moment of silence where then Moshe burst laughing. Now he rises and tells the guests and his new father-in-law “the horn of the car was dead. The reason I was in B’nai B’rak that day was to have it fixed. However, the Mechanic was not available and that’s when I met you”.
Whether it be a horn, a car, a camel, a lie here and a lie there, this one a few years older, a few pound heavier if it is meant to be and G-d wants it done it will happen. We, though, have to make a refined sensitive effort to help create a potential family.
One should keep in mind when confronted with a question of a young man, woman, and their families, think through your response carefully. Make sure the information you give is accurate. Don’t exaggerate; one should transmit the information with the express purpose of aiding a shiduch. One should ensure that the information is transmitted in the least harmful way possible. One should weigh the amount of harm your information is liable to cause against its benefit.

A Life and Death Lesson about dating

Parents communicating with children: The Jewish way

November 1, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s Noach Isaac Oelbaum, Baruch Dopelt, Asher Hurtzberg , Yossi Bilius and Dr. Abba Goldman


Why did G-d love Avraham so much?
 Since the beginning of time man would travel to many places. Upon ones journey one inevitably is forced to acquaint himself with other passengers who are from different walks of life. The subway of New York City is the best example. Often one sees someone he knows even the slightest and he will begin to schmooze. That’s nice isn’t it; perhaps one can say there is a very pro-human side to travel.
  On one occasion two important figures in the world, although with different philosophies on life, the great Torah sage, Rabbi Yaakov Kamenetsky and the Secretary-General of the Israeli Trade Federation, Histadrut, happened to be sitting next to each other, on an El Al flight; both were in first class… While conversing on the flight with the great Rabbi he was impressed with the caring service the Rabbi’s, presumably, personal staff was giving him. Through the course of the flight they would come and make sure his pillow was set correctly or they would ask him how his meal was and if he needed anything. The Secretary General commented to the elderly Rabbi “that’s some dedicated staff you have working for you”. The Rabbi answered back “you’re mistaken they’re not my staff; they’re my son and granddaughter”.   He was amazed at the dedication of the son and granddaughter had given to the elderly Rabbi. As related in the book, Reb Yaakov: His Life, pp.218-219: “He confided sadly to Reb Yaakov that he almost never saw his grandchildren and his children only rarely. Rav Yaakov explained to him that the difference in their relationships to their children and grandchildren could be traced to their differing views of Creation … ‘You … believe in the Darwinian view of life as the result of random, purposeless events,’ he told [him], ‘so as far as your descendants are concerned you’re just one generation closer to the apes than your children are. That make the younger generation more intelligent and sophisticated than the previous. The children are less monkeys then us. The philosophy is that they’re smarter then you. We, on the other hand, do not believe that we are superior to our ancestors. Quite the contrary. For us the central event in history was the Revelation at Sinai. The generations immediately after that Revelation lived in awe of their parents as people to whom G-d actually spoke. And their children in turn viewed them with veneration for having known those who heard G-d speak. And so it is with each passing generation. Every generation looks at the previous as great and with the utmost respect. My children and grandchildren honor me as one who had contact with spiritual giants whose greatness is almost beyond their comprehension, and therefore they attribute to me a wisdom and spiritual sensitivity that they do not possess.”
This is the second week we read about our forefather Avraham, the grand-daddy of them all. One may say an extraordinary human being to say the least. The Torah says that G-d loved Avraham.

Why did G-d love Avraham more than anyone?
Was it because:
*The Medrash describes Avraham as a charismatic towering popular figure that had a certain magnetism to attract many to his home where he did kindness. “Kindness is what the world is built on” and it’s G-d type of language.
 One may ask how Avraham received his prophecy. Prophecy is learned studying G-d work; one has to place tremendous thought and concentration with meditation. How was it possible that Avraham achieved that level where he spoke to G-d, he always was entertaining guests? His hospitality was second to none. Where did he have the time?
Since kindness is the fundamental building block of the world one can achieve prophecy and closeness to G-d equating it to the time spending learning G-d’ work.
* Avraham’s analytical highly intelligent mind was crucial in his ability to come to the understanding himself that there can only be monotheistic concept. This was unheard of. The mindset of just having one G-d irked many people and went against societies pangenetic beliefs. The new wave philosophy of our forefather placed Avraham’s life in danger. Let’s just say he was the lone ranger who had guts for he stood up for what he believed in and not succumbing to the pressures of society. The term Hebrews was conceived from Avraham’s nick name “Ha-Ivry”which cenotes “ev’er”-the other side of the river.  The world was hinting then that we, the world are on one side and you, Avraham are on the other. I’m sure this sounds familiar to all who are reading this.
*Avraham was thrown in a burning furnace on behalf of G-d’s honor.
* Avraham was the first to be circumcised following G-d’s instructions.
* Avraham listens to G-d whether it was on command to leave his homeland, to slaughter his beloved son, Yitzchak. One of the ten big tests G-d placed upon him.
*Avraham was… “a big fan of the New York Mets”.
Well reader, there is a smorgasbord of choices….Please, choose, which one of Avraham’s tremendous traits did G-d love?
Which is the one for which G-d said I will make you into a great nation?
Perhaps there’s something else we overlooked.
We read in this week’s parsha:
     [18,19] “For I have loved him for he commands his children and his household after him that they keep the way of G-d.”
Shockingly, it’s not any of those noble famous actions that we have grown accustomed to admire about the great Avraham – our forefather. What G-d loves about Avraham the best, is the fact that he’s able to communicate the message. He’s able to talk the same language as his kids. There is no generation gap. There are no cultural differences. Avraham is the great communicator of all time. His kids listen to him.
There were others in his generation that believed in G-d. However, none of them were able to communicate and deliver the message to the next generation.
Even the notorious evil Eisav, his grandson, adored and listened to Avraham. Avraham had Eisav contained and made tremendous in roads into his development. However, the Midrash states that the day Avraham passed away Eisav was in a state of shock and despair and committed five major averot -sins – including murder and adultery.  We can only imagine what Eisav would have become if G-d gave Avraham a few more years.
This is the gifted trait that Avraham passed down to us the ability to communicate to the next generation. This is what keeps the chain continuing: generation after generation.
One of the most mindboggling extraterrestrial miraculous episodes in our Torah involves the two Keruvim (Keruvim [Cherubs]: angels-resembling young children; relief images of two winged cherubim were part of the cover of the Holy Ark in the Temple). Many commentaries mentioned that it wasn’t two young children as the popular assumptions are of the two Keruvim but one was an image of a man the other was of a child. Interestingly, it resembles a father and son. The reason the Keruvim-the father and son were placed on the cover in the Holies of Holies, the most important place in the world, the heart and soul of the children of Israel, is because this is the lifeblood of the Jewish people; this is the continuity of our nation, it is the father and son relationship, the parent – child relationship, the Rebbi/Morah – student relationship which keeps our people alive. It’s the pulse of our existence. It’s a must to perfect and to nurture the communication. There should be a flow between the one passing down and the one receiving. No clogged arteries please.
However, there is one piece of the puzzle missing. What will make the chain from generation to generation more secure is a an important verse found in Parshat Lech Lecha
[15,2,3,4]
 2. And Abram said, “O Lord God, what will You give me, since I am going childless, and the steward of my household is Eliezer of Damascus?”   ב.וַיֹּ֣אמֶראַבְרָ֗ם אֲדֹנָ֤י יֱהֹוִה֙ מַה־תִּתֶּן־לִ֔י וְאָֽנֹכִ֖י הוֹלֵ֣ךְ עֲרִירִ֑י וּבֶן־מֶ֣שֶׁק בֵּיתִ֔י ה֖וּא דַּמֶּ֥שֶׂק אֱלִיעֶֽזֶר:
3. And Abram said, “Behold, You have given me no seed, and behold, one of my household will inherit me.”   ג.וַיֹּ֣אמֶר אַבְרָ֔ם הֵ֣ן לִ֔י לֹ֥א נָתַ֖תָּה זָ֑רַע וְהִנֵּ֥הבֶן־בֵּיתִ֖י יוֹרֵ֥שׁ אֹתִֽי:
4. And behold, the word of the Lord came to him, saying, “This one will not inherit you, but the one who will spring from your innards-he will inherit you.”   ד.וְהִנֵּ֨ה דְבַר־יְהֹוָ֤ה אֵלָיו֙ לֵאמֹ֔ר לֹ֥א יִירָֽשְׁךָ֖ זֶ֑ה כִּי־אִם֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר יֵצֵ֣א מִמֵּעֶ֔יךָ ה֖וּא יִֽירָשֶֽׁךָ:
These pasukim are crucial to understand in the proper development and relationship between parents and kids, between teacher and student. The commentaries interpret Avraham’s concern that even my trusted servant Eliezer who will transform my words exactly as I said is not the optimal choice. Why not? Why is Eliezer not good enough?  He is transforming the holy words of Avraham just as he said it. You can’t get more perfect than that.
When a servant repeats what one said, he is still a servant; we are not passing down the tradition to a tape recorder. Yitzchak, Avraham’s son who inherited the mantle and passed it down to his son, absorbed the words of his father, however, was able to make his own input, his own emotions, his own intellect, his own strengths along the way. As we learned: Yitzchak had quite a different personality than his Father. He was a “no non-sense” type (Gevurah).  His approach was the antithesis than that of his father’s soft-kindness. The difference was legendary. However, their communication was also legendary. Although he passed it down to his son unchanged: Yitchak’s own flavor was added to it. And so it was for generations after. Each father passed the words of G-d with his KOCHOT-strengths, his personality, his creativity.
Interestingly, each child is different and has to be approached and taught differently. Children are not tape recorders (remember those things) and it will be a tremendous injustice to treat them like the factory assembly line. One will be depriving the child in making his unique input in this world if they’re not approached in a way that is appropriate for them.
                              

INTERESTING NOTE
Does one ever wonder that there are two times in the entire Torah that the parsha starts with the word Toldot. The two are found by Noach-ELEH TOLDOT NOACH and by Yitzchak- ELEH TOLDOT YITZCHAK.  The Torah hints that by Noach the next word after  – ELEH TOLDOT NOACH is NOACH. Noach, who was a tsaddik, however he produced, at best, someone equivalent, nothing more – maybe less, to himself. However, the words after ELEH TOLDOT YITZCHAK  is “the son of Avraham”. The chain was passed to Yitzchak. It follows in the verse AVRAHAM HOLID ET YITZCHAK – Avraham gave birth to Yitzchak creating a new creation. For Yitzchak developed into his own whole person. He loyally followed the tradition; the chain was passed to him. However, Yitzchak was able to create and rise to another level.
 We all want our children, students to be better than us. We want them to reach their potential and exceed our level. To do so: one has to give individual attention to each child.
It says in the morning prayers in the Halelukas which is found in the Pesukey d’zimra section “young men and also young women, old men and young men”. This seems incorrect, it should say “old men and old women” why is it out of sequence?
If one doesn’t have the proper tradition and communication between the elders and the young, one cannot reach the opportunity between man and woman.

Altering Life in the Blink of an Eye
There are times when it seems that all one’s effort is for naught. No matter how much one tries, it just doesn’t go. It’s similar to when one puts their car in neutral and presses the gas. The vehicle doesn’t move. It doesn’t help if one presses on the accelerator with more force. Absolutely nothing helps. This is how many of us feel sometimes. Does this sound familiar?

  Rav Henoch Liebowitz z’l teaches us something very inspirational in this week’s parsha. When the two angels came to Lot’s house revealing that the city and all its inhabitants would be destroyed, Lot informed his household that they would have to leave quickly. However his future son-in-law laughed at him. “How can this city be destroyed? The economy is bustling” the son-in-law said. “The kids are playing in the street and there’s not a cloud in the sky; it doesn’t seem like anything is going to happen”. Boy, was he surprised; he and the entire city were destroyed. Interestingly, even though he ridiculed Lot, the son- in-law was a believer of G-d. So why didn’t he comply? Rav Henoch says, human nature is such that one doesn’t believe change will take place. Everything will remain the same. This is what the son-in-law believed. Perhaps that’s why a person never is able to comprehend that he will die one day. It could happen to my friend but it can never happen to me.

  Just like change took place in a blink of an eye for destructive purposes, so too one can believe that changes can occur in the blink of an eye for the good. One can be single for twenty years and one day he dates a girl and in a couple of months is engaged to be married. The same goes with having children – one may think life follows a script however the captain of the football team doesn’t always get the head cheerleader. Life takes funny bounces and sometimes for the good.

  Rav Henoch is trying to teach us one never knows. In the blink of an eye our prayers can be answered.

Parshat Highlights
the source for quick D’var Torahs
First portion
* We would like to believe we are not the same people we were years ago. Everyone would state, they have matured, been educated and have learned from life’s experiences. This is the general attitude of humans. Well, I hope we have matured and become better people. It’s frustrating to see those that have not.

In this weeks

The impossible dream: Lech Lecha

November 1, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s Yissachar frand, Berel Wein, , Yossi Bilius and Dr. Abba Goldman

“Stars”, “Stars”, “Stars” – this is one of the glaring words, part of one of the famous Jewish blessing catch phrases. G-d answered Avraham, when Avraham questions G-d: “What can you give me, I am childless?” G-d answers by promising Avraham that he will have children. G-d directs Avraham outside and asks him to look up and count the stars, saying “Thus will be your descendants” [Bereshit 15:2-5].

Well, may I ask the reader: “What would you do?” It’s a great vote of confidence where G-d assures Avraham that he will have children, however, now he has the dubious task to follow G-d’ command and count stars.

Are you kidding me, there are billions of stars? How long shall I count? Ones might ask themselves. It’s an impossible Dream, To Count the Impossible Count.
Rav Meir Shapiro asks, “What would be our reaction if someone told us to go out and count the stars?”

Our reaction would be to simply ignore the request. We would say, “I know this is an impossible task. I know it is beyond the realm of possibility. Why even bother?”

What did Avraham do? He went out and counted the stars! Yelp that’s exactly what he did. He attempted to do the impossible. He actually went outside and began to count the stars. G-d responded “This is the way your descendants will be” (Koh Yihehye zarecha).

“This attribute that you are showing here now — when it looks impossible, when it looks beyond the reach of human beings, nevertheless to try; nevertheless to give it one’s best — Koh Yiheyeh Zarecha. That is the characteristic of the children of Yisrael. That is what a Jew is going to be like. Even though the task seems strenuous and back breaking, it seems almost impossible, we still must try.”

The least we can do is trying. And when we try, we sometimes see that amazing things can happen. We think that we don’t have such strengths and such abilities to withstand that which life deals us. We think it is beyond our capability. But we try and we are gifted and granted with ‘kochot meyuchadot’ – ‘ special strengths’ that we never dreamt we possessed.

That is the Blessing of “Thus shall be your descendants.” The children of Yisroel has the attribute of looking at something which seems impossible, but nevertheless trying, never giving up… and being rewarded with powers that they never thought they had.
We can see how great the potential of man and how he can beat the odds and reach for the stars from this story presented to me by Rabbi Yossi Bilus.
A survey was taken in rural Baltimore section, on the effect of the lifestyle and achievement of low social working class. Most of the two hundred students surveyed from the high school were from broken families who were confronted by drugs, high crime and gang related issues daily.
The conclusion related by many of the socialist and psychologist, that were leading the study, was that sadly it was very difficult to believe that the majority of the group surveyed would make a positive contribution to society.
Interestingly, twenty years later one of the students of the surveyed grade of the high school, now a professor in psychology in the local university came across the transcripts of the study and was curious as to how are fellow comrades faired in life.
The professor committed himself to take the dubious task to locate and interview the student of twenty years past.
Out of the grade of two hundred, fifteen were no longer in the world, approximately ten he couldn’t track, however, the majority of the one hundred and seventy five, surprisingly, were living productive lives. How was that possible? How were they able to beat the odds? How they were able to make all these socialists and psychologists look terribly wrong?
It seems like a name of one teacher surfaced on many of the interviews. This teacher made an impression on the students.
The professor realized what a priority it was to locate the teacher and ask her miraculous method of teaching.
He located her in a nursing home and made an appointment to see her. Old and frail, however, very conscious and alert, he asked what was your secret in your teaching method that many of your students looked at you so admirably?
The old teacher said: “I implanted in them the understanding that they can succeed, they can do it!! We have to believe in ourselves. Then our dreams can come true.”
We Jews should especially take note of this story for if the gentiles believe in the “impossible dream”, we who are blessed with “Koh Yihehye zarecha” our dreams are on the threshold of reality.

The Torah hints of many examples of this bracha – blessing come to the person.
Yosef built his hopes for the future. He implored the butler/officer of Pharaoh to remember him to the king and set him free.

We can learn a valuable lesson from Yosef – the dreamer who in his chance encounter in prison with the butler/officer, the opportunity to pursue his goal and rise to greatness. Yosef will not squander that opportunity nor will he wallow in despair or go against the fate that has treated him so cruelly. He will not allow events and circumstances to deter him from the realization and actualization of his dreams and visions.

Rather, he will attempt to use and exploit all of those circumstances to make his dreams reality and to achieve the greatness that he believes he is entitled to and has been promised to him.
Yosef eventually became viceroy of Egypt, only second in command to Pharaoh. He became leader of a superpower, reaching for the stars and achieving greatness.

Many immigrants come to the land of opportunity to build their dreams. Many have had financial difficulties and are looking to improve. America is a dream to many.

In addition to the financial strains in their homeland, one couple’s main incentive to come to the land of opportunity is “MESHANEH MAKOM MESHANEH MAZAL-change of place is a change of mazal”, in the area of having children – it was ten years and the couple was still childless. Although it wasn’t easy, especially in the late 1950’s – early 1960’s to leave family behind, however, to have an opportunity to make the impossible dream a reality was a tremendous incentive.

They were advised, after a year in their new place of residence, Boro Park, Brooklyn NY, to see the Lubavatcher Rebbi for a bracha. Perhaps his intervention, his prayer will open the door to childbirth.
At the meeting the Rebbi asked if the couple observed the Shabbat where the response was “Although we come from a long line of Rabbis we’re traditional”. The Rebbi then presented the couple with a proposition: commit to Shabbat right at this very moment, observe it to the letter of the law and I promise you’ll have a baby boy in nine months.
The commitment was made and the wife became pregnant right away. Approximately a month before the baby was born which happened at Motzei Pesach-the end of Pesach, the Rebbi usually throws a party. At the party the Lubavitcher Rebbi sees the man who committed to observing Shabbat and again reiterated you will have a boy next month. The next month the promise came to fruition and they had a baby boy.
I know firsthand the accuracy of this story for I am that baby boy. My parents’ hope and dreams were fulfilled for they never gave up. They traveled half way across the continent, left behind friend’s family and culture to accomplish their burning desire, to have children. Ironically, they brought back after a brief absence from their lives the one ingredient needed for having a child – Shabbat.

Speaking about Shabbat, the introduction to the Friday evening prayer is very powerful. There is a passage that is found in the first few paragraphs which states “Moshe and Aharon were among His priests and Shmuel among those who invoke His Name…” [Tehillim 99:6]. The Talmud states that in righteousness, the prophet Samuel (Shmuel) was on the same level as Moshe and Aharon, the two great leaders of Israel. For this reason, the pasuk in Tehillim equates them. The Medrash states that before Shmuel was born, a Heavenly Voice (Bat Kol) proclaimed, “A child is going to be born who will be on the same level as Moshe and his name is going to be Shmuel.” The Medrash says that all the pregnant women at that time named their sons Shmuel when they gave birth, in the hope that perhaps their son was the baby about whom the Bat Kol spoke.

Rabbi Yissachar Frand learns “You know how a Shmuel was produced? He was produced because there was an environment in which everyone strived to have such greatness for their son that he should grow up to be like Moshe Rabbeinu and Aharon!” If EVERYONE is striving to have a Shmuel haNavi, then in fact ONE Shmuel haNavi can emerge! However, if everyone has pedestrian ambitions for their children then greatness will not emerge from anyone in that generation.

When a woman gives birth, she must believe “I just gave birth to the next Gadol HaDor (great man of the generation)”. If a mother thinks like that, she may indeed be able to achieve greatness for her child. If her goal is “okay, he should be a mediocre child,” greatness will never come.

That is the Blessing of “Thus shall be your descendants.” The children of Yisroel have the attribute of looking at something which seems impossible, but nevertheless trying, never giving up… and being rewarded with powers that they never thought they had.
There was once a very important meeting discussing crucial issues in Judaism held in the house of Rav Avrohom Kamenetsky, son of Rav Yakov. All the head Rabbis were gathered there. When the meeting was over, there was a question of protocol as to who should leave the room first. Rav Yakov’s daughter-in-law, who was in the room, was pregnant at the time. She naturally assumed that the great Rabbis should walk out the door first. Rav Yakov insisted that his pregnant daughter-in-law should walk through the door first. Why? He said, “It is because she is pregnant and maybe she is pregnant with Moshiach!”

Can I give a priestly blessing after killing terrorist?

The Future: Noach’s Arc

November 1, 2015 Uncategorized No comments

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s Noach Isaac Oelbaum, Henoch Leibowitz z’l, Mordechai Aderet, Yossi Bilius, Pinchas Avruch and Mr. Avner Aminov

They’re standing in line in pairs waiting to enter the Arc knowing their future lies with going with Noach. The giraffe, the lion and the chimpanzee, the Arc is the place to be! The animals know it; this is the move to take in order to survive! Yes, it’s animal time, however, we – humans – learn a valuable lesson of life from the secondary being, one has to have foresight; meaning, for every step man must ask himself “What is my action going to result in?” “Where am I going?” This undertaking is a sign of maturity and considered a responsible train of thought.
 
 In this week’s parsha we find the animals playing a glaring role.  King Shlomo knew the language of the animals well, he actually never mentioned if any of the species have a sense of humor. It’s funny that over the course of history man has always learned from animals. Do rabbits really hate ducks-RABBIT SEASON-NO DUCK SEASON–OOH!!  Bugs bunny has smarts making a mockery of those around him, well aside from Hollywood rendition of animals at the helm and manipulating society, the Torah which preceded Loony Tunes and Hanna Barbera, provides the barometer of the wisdom of the animals. It encourages us to examine their qualities…We should exhibit an almost animal-like intensity in our zeal to fulfill G-d’s will. Leopards are not the largest of the big cats, but they have a ferocity found in few of the great hunters. So too, we should serve G-d proudly, almost fiercely, not being embarrassed to be different from others or to stand up for what we believe in!! 
 
Further teaching from the Torah, the lightness of an eagle implies not being earthbound by physical pleasure or human sluggishness. The swiftness of a deer implies the oneness of purpose and quickness of reflex to follow G-d’s will. Also, the strength of a lion implies possessing the resolve and conviction to withstand temptation and to hold firm to commitments and obligations. As far as the cat goes, Rashi, a major 9th-century commentator says we should learn about modesty from the cat, interpreting the cat’s “modesty” as referring to her habit of burying her feces.
 
 Why do we need this lesson from our furry friends? We tend to gravitate towards learning from them. Let’s just leave them alone. After all they’re just animals. 
 
 Interestingly, for those who inquire into the world around them in order to learn how to behave like human beings, and not like animals, the improbability of refined behavior in a bestial habitat will cry out for explanation. The existence of even a tiny minority of animals that act in a non-animal-like way will force the question—Why do they act that way? There is no apparent reason, no prohibition on animals against promiscuity or immodesty or theft. And yet some of these animals possess such traits that can make us humans look bad.  The Sages are telling us that the answer that would have come is that nature does have a lesson to teach us, and it is a single lesson—that just as there are animals which exhibit non-animal behavior, we too, although we are also much like animals in our physical make-up, there is an essential something within us that is superior to the animal. Therefore, we have to exceed those good qualities certain animals possess. If they can do it, we surely can do it too! 
 
  There are two which I would like to focus on that provides such a valuable lesson on life that it’s vital to peak into their world.
 King Shlomo writes if one wants to learn chochma – intelligence – he shall look at the Ant in how she conducts herself, her motives, her actions. 
Let’s explore and discover what we can learn from her. 
First look how she stores her grains. She makes a three story house. The most valuable of her collections she stores in the middle layer. The top is susceptible to inclement weather and the bottom can be vulnerable to dirt. 
Interestingly, the Ant only lives for six months. Yet, she stores food for approximately three hundred years and she does it in the most efficient manner.
 
Why is she so busy accumulating and storing food?
Shlomo HaMelech writes that the Ant reasons, perhaps G-d will grant me longer life so I need to store food, just in case.
However, there has never been a case where the ant lived longer than 6 months. And, even if she did manage to scrape up a month or two more years, at the most, of precious life, the amount which she feverishly collected is incomprehensibly disproportioned.
 
 We see how much hope and tenacity the Ant has, even though there has not been an Ant that has lived longer than six months in history.
 The question is asked on King Shlomo: Why does he advise “If you want to learn chochma – intelligence – you can learn it from the Ant. It should be if one wants to learn zeal, after all, look how fast and meticulously diligent the Aunt is. Why does Shlomo’ emphasis the Ant intelligence? 
 We learn here that zeal and tenacity comes when one who realizes the significance of potential. In order to value that potential, one needs chochma -intelligence, which is based on the sensitivities of the heart.
The Ant works her entire life thinking maybe G-d’s going to grant me longer life, knowing it would be against human nature. However, the Ant believes in miracles. She believes a miracle can take place.
 Even more so, the Jewish nation that believes that we’re building for the next world, for Olam Haba, that is a basic fundamental concept of Judaism. There are much mitzvot, much brownie points to accumulate in a life time… If one says, let me take it easy, I have enough for this world; there is no need to do more mitzvot. He doesn’t have the hope, the belief and the understanding that he’s building for the future.
 We see another example of a chacham that is one who is sensitive about his future. After Pharaoh’s dream was interpreted by Yossef that there will be seven fat and prosperous years then seven lean years, Yosef then used the word chacham when referring to what kind of leader Pharaoh needs to carry out the mission and save the world from hunger.
 
 
However, the hard part is over and done with. The impossible dream was interpreted. Now all what’s left to do is find someone who is a good organizer, someone who has zeal. Gathering the excess grains, storing the food supply, making sure everything is persevered correctly, consists a person who has a gift of being meticulous. A chacham is not needed anymore. Why did Joseph’ emphasis chochma?
 The reason why Chochma is needed is because one has to be sensitive enough to gather all the grain during the fat years and the only way one can execute that task is if one is able to transform himself to the future and imagines that he’s living in the lean years. Then he will be able to collect all the amounts and not miss a grain… It’s quite difficult to gather for lean years when there is abundance.
 
 This is a feeling which comes from the heart which enables us and gives us the ability to transform ourselves to the future. This is not taking away from the concept “let’s live today to the fullest”. However, it’s a little tricky; one has to have the ability to switch gears, change tunes.
 Unfortunately, it’s against our nature to do so.  Short-sightedness is a natural part of the human condition.  We see Avraham making us aware of this when he gathered an army for he was forced to go to war to free his nephew Lot. The Talmud (Nedarim 32b) teaches that they were armed with gold; Tosafot explain that they were armed with wealth so that they would maintain their focus on their lifesaving mission and not be distracted by precious stones and pearls.
 
Implicit in this commentary is the lesson that had they not been given this wealth in advance they would have become distracted by riches and compromised their mission to save Lot. But these were the righteous students of the Patriarch Avraham.
 
Chidushei HaLev explains that in the heat of battle one becomes very focused on the ultimate short term goal – victory – and loses sight of the greater mission, the greater goal – in this case, to save Lot’s life. When caught in the throes of this inherently human short-sightedness, even the righteous can lose sight of their mission. With the ultimate objective out of mind, any and all distractions become possible. Thus, Avraham gave his warriors riches in advance, to preempt the power of this great distraction.
The mouse according to a legendary midrash (midrash- is the body of exegesis of Torah texts along with homiletic stories as taught by Chazal (Rabbinical Jewish sages of the post-Temple era) that provide an intrinsic analysis to passages in the Tanakh) fell victim to this short sightedness.
 There is a midrash composed by Rabbi Mosh HaDarshan. 
 Long before Tom and Jerry and Sylvester the cat. Perhaps, one can say might be the source, the root of the cat and mouse deep hatred toward each other.
 
Both the cat and the mouse were working for Adam who purposely employed many for the sake of unity. A reference to the harmony which Adam wanted to impose is found in the introductory prayer of the Friday evening prayer for Shabbat. LECHU N’RANENA L’HASHEM – let us all sing before G-d. This would bring a tremendous Kiddush Hashem. G-d loves unity and this attempt by Adam would have raised the level of spirituality in the world. 
 However, the mouse had other plans. The selfish and competitive mouse wanted the glory of serving man himself and approached Adam with a complaint that the cat stole from the house of man.
 Adam realized the mouse’s intentions and cursed him, stating “you came speaking evil about someone, which is equivalent to killing someone (the violation of loshon harah) – now the cat will pursue you for the rest of time in order to kill you”.
 
 And so it came to be, the mouse was pursued, caught and killed by the cat. The children of the mouse saw the tragic end of their father and were ever in hiding in different holes in the ground and corners in the walls.
 Years later, as all the animals were lined up paired, male – female waiting on line to enter the Ark build by Noach, the male cat said to the female cat “you see those mice, pointing to the ones on line, when I was little, my father killed a mouse and brought it home for dinner and it was delicious”. The cat then stared at the male mouse licking its paw and started to chase after it. The mouse luckily found a whole where it narrowly escaped the claw of the cat and jumped in.

 The cat stuck its arm in the whole to fetch the mouse where then the mouse bit it, however not before the cat scratched and ripped the lip of the mouse.
 After an hour the mouse went to Noach and said “you’re an Ish Tsaddik – a righteous man, can you please stitch my wound”. Noach answered “go to the cat when he’s sleeping and pull out one of his whiskers, for the whiskers are considered medically very sterile, and I’ll stitch it….And so it was. This is one of the reasons Noach is said to be an Ish Tsaddik.
There are many lessons one can derive from this interesting Midrash. One that pertains to our subject is the mouse was short sighted. The mouse wasn’t able to foresee the importance of Adam’s mission.  His greed ruined the cohesiveness of what Adam had intended and as punishment is pursued by the cat till the Mashiach arrives.
 
There are people who are considered very calculating. That seems to have a negative connotation; however, it’s not necessarily true. I would like to put a positive twist to that statement and say a calculating person is one that looks at the future on every move he or she makes. Although it goes against human nature but it’s a fundamental Jewish concept that is a MUST for our survival.

 

Adam and King David: a deal is a deal

October 8, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s Yissachar frand, Noach Isaac Oelbaum, Yossi Bilius
We begin the Shabbat services with the statement “LEH CHU NEH RANENA L’HASHEM” let us all sing to G-d, here Adam is in the taking charge role which fits him well as he leads the world in praises and songs to G-d. The plain explanation is that only he, a human, had the gift to do so. There was no other creature capable to lead the world like a human.
 However, there is more to it. Adam personally, was tremendously gifted in the area of praise, song. It’s no coincidence that there was one other who dominates the Shabbat prayers with his praises and song, King David. Well, there is also a link between the two, or perhaps I should say a transaction that occurred that will bond them forever.
Adam was shown the soul of King David and the fact that he was destined to live only 3 hours. Adam was very grieved at this loss of potential. He inquired whether he was allowed to bequeath some of his own years to David. The Almighty answered that Adam was destined to live for 1000 years, but that he would be allowed to give up some of those years to David. Adam then bequeathed 70 years to David, so that Adam lived for 930 years and David lived for 70 years.
As we all know in the business world the more one thinks of a deal that he made, that he signed, sealed and delivered, that he signed mazal u’bracha on, the more he second guesses the transaction. The Sages teach that when Adam was about to turn 930 years old, he regretted his earlier generosity and wanted to back out of the deal. G-d urged Adam to keep his word.
The Rokeach cites an even more startling version of this Medrash: When Adam originally agreed to give over 70 years of his life to the future King David, he signed a document to that effect. The document was “co-signed”, so to speak, by the Master of the Universe and by the Angel Matat. In the Rokeach’s version of the Medrash, when Adam turned 930, he tried to deny that he ever made such an agreement. At that point, the Almighty pulled out the document proving that he had made the deal!
The Medrash in Tehilim cites in this vein, that King David’s comment in Tehilim [146:3]: “Do not trust nobles nor sons of man (ben Adam), for he holds no salvation”, refers back to Adam’s attempt to retract his gift of the 70 years.
In our world of business if someone negates on a business deal he is looked down on. He actually, to some extent, black listed in the industry. Honoring a transaction is one of the basic laws in business. I once bought an expensive ruby my first year in the Colored Stone business. My Father was shocked that I bought such an expensive stone; he was even more shocked at the lousy choice I made. He ordered me to bring back the dealer and negate the transaction. It was one of my most humiliating experiences in the industry. It is something that had never happened again. My father explained to the dealer that “he’s young and inexperienced”, which I apparently was, and luckily he accepted and took back the stone. However, he never did business with me again. I learned, from then on, to be real sure before I utter the word “deal-mazal!!” and to be an expert in the merchandise I buy.
One of the methods a businessman conducts himself is using the shock system. He says in a stern voice:  “I’m buying this product at this price and that’s my last offer, take it or leave it!! Make a decision quickly or I’m leaving now, there is another place I saw a similar product; is it yes or no?!!” One businessman used the shock treatment a bit too much and it cost him dearly. On a colored stone buying trip in Bangkok, Thailand one individual took the stones in his left hand and stuck it out the open window and threatened if you don’t agree on this price and not say “mazal” I’m throwing the stones out the window. They agreed, and the transaction took place. The natives, the Thai people are a very honorable people and would never negate on a transaction that they shook hands on; however, they don’t like to be threatened, so when he left their building, there in the courtyard, they broke the very arm he threatened to throw the stones with.
Astonishingly, Adam was not rebuked by G-d for trying to turn back on the deal. As a matter of fact, incredibly, he was praised. How can that be?
The book Mayanei haChaim by Rav Chaim Zaitchik makes an interesting observation.
This desire to retract, in this particular special situation, does not stem from evil or shortcomings on Adam’s part. On the contrary, it stemmed from his greatness and his understanding of the value of life…….How is it possible, one may ask?

In order to understand why G-d not only did not punish Adam for wanting, having chutzpah to negate on the deal, but praised him, we must explore why G-d chose for the first man the name “Adam.”
The most popular reason why man is called Adam is because man comes from the ADAMA – the ground. However, there are other various names that Adam is called by; some are ISH, ENOSH and GEVAR. Why it is that ADAM was the name chosen to represent man? We just finished a month long of holidays and the one underlying theme throughout the month – or I should say two months – is TESHUVA – repentance. During this period, we pound our hearts and we recite the thirteen attributes of G-d. As we said in our High Holidays issue, G-d guarantees us that if nothing else works, that if no other method of prayer is accepted, the thirteen attributes will go through. What is it about this particular prayer that has that kind of ability? The philosophy behind the recitation is we have to strive to be like G-d, and by reciting His attributes, we affirm our commitment to work on ourselves to have just the right measurement of kindness, mercifulness, temperament, etc. This is the reason why ADAM, the name, represents man the best. We learn in the Prophets – Nevi’im – ADAMEH LE ELYON – we shall be similar to G-d. This is man’s mission in life. So our goal is to be like G-d, ADAMEH.

Now, the question of why G-d praised Adam and called him a tsaddik even though he wanted to negate the deal is becoming more clear.
The Ibn Ezra asks why we must honor the elderly by rising before them. The Ibn Ezra answers that people who are elderly have learned to appreciate the value of life. They deserve honor for that recognition. For appreciation is a fundamental feature in the Jewish philosophy.  A person acts differently, thinks differently, and has a different perspective on life when he is in his fifties and sixties than when he is in his twenties and thirties. He is a different type of person. We need to honor that perspective and attitude by rising before such people.
When Adam was “born,” and was told he had 1000 years in front of him, it was tantamount to someone coming to a millionaire and asking for $1000 donation. The millionaire is prepared to flippantly give over the 1000 dollars. It means very little to him. But if this same millionaire loses all his money he will be greatly aggravated over the fact that he gave away 1000 dollars.
At the end of his life, Adam was like the millionaire who lost his money. The 1000 years that he once had in front of him were now behind him. He had a different perspective on life now. It is because of that perspective that we rise up before the elderly. It is because of that perspective that we say “Precious in the Eyes of G-d is (the time of) death for his righteous.”

Rav Chaim Zaitchik interprets that Adam  — as with all Tzadikim — cherished life so much that as he was approaching death he could not bear to forgo the opportunity he had to accomplish more with those extra years. The potential to live and be like G-d is a burning desire in all of us, and it’s awakened only through age and life’s experiences. There is so much that a righteous person, one who appreciates life can do with even one more year, with even one more month, with even a single day. Life is so precious that when he realized that his time was up, he became so distraught and irrational that he forgot his promise or was willing to retract the promise (depending of the varying versions quoted above).
Interestingly, King David had fallen victim to the same desire to live. Towards the end of his life, he knew that he is destined to die on Shabbat. David also knew that if one learns Torah, the Angel of Death cannot harm him.  He then devised a plan, when his seventieth year was approaching, he would learn constantly without stop from when the Shabbat begins till it ends twenty five hours later where then he will be safe.

 One Shabbat he hears noise from his garden and after ignoring it for a while, succumbs to his curiosity. Those few minutes where he looked outside was all the Angel of Death needed. For those minutes of non Torah learning he was able to take David’s life.
 Subconsciously, we want to be perfect. The Jewish philosophy is all about emulating G-d. G-d rested on the seventh day, for this reason we rest. We conduct kindness because G-d does kindness with us. Patience is a virtue because G-d is patient.  Perfection is the goal. Unfortunately, that goal is rarely reached.  Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto in the book Messilat Yesharim writes that Ninety five percent of people when asked before they leave this world, if they  fulfilled their life dreams, did they accomplish what they set for in life said “no”. We don’t realize how much life means till later in life.  That appreciation is special and G-d loves it.
 Interestingly, this episode accomplished several things.  David received seventy years and Adam elevated his status to a tsaddik.

The Most Beautiful Esrog

October 8, 2015 Holidays, Succot No comments
by Rabbi Berel Wein
I wish to share with you a beautiful short story about the wonderful festival of Sukkot. The story was authored by S.Y. Agnon, the Israeli Nobel laureate who won the prize for literature a number of years ago, and whose likeness adorns the 50-shekel note in Israeli currency.
It seems that Agnon, who was born in Poland, was a neighbor of a famous old rabbi from Russia. Both of them are now living in the Jerusalem neighborhood of Talpiot. One year before Sukkot, Agnon met his rabbinic neighbor at the neighborhood store selling esrogim — the yellow citron fruit which is symbolic of the Sukkot holiday. There Agnon noticed how meticulous his neighbor was in choosing an esrog. Even though he was a person of limited means, the rabbi insisted on purchasing the finest, and hence most expensive, esrog available. After examining many specimens, the rabbi finally chose the one he wished and paid for it.
Walking home with Agnon, the rabbi emphasized to him how important it was to have a beautiful, flawless esrog on Sukkot, and how the beauty of the esrog was part of the fulfillment of the Divine commandment for the holiday.
On Sukkot morning Agnon noticed that the rabbi was without an esrog at the synagogue services. Perplexed, Agnon asked the rabbi where his beautiful esrog was. The rabbi answered by relating the following incident:
“I awoke early, as is my wont, and prepared to recite the blessing over the esrog in my sukkah located on my balcony. As you know, we have a neighbor with a large family, and our balconies adjoin. As you also know, our neighbor, the father of all these children next door, is a man of short temper. Many times he shouts at them or even hits them for violating his rules and wishes. I have spoken to him many times about his harshness but to little avail.
“As I stood in the sukkah on my balcony, about to recite the blessing for the esrog, I heard a child’s weeping coming from the next balcony. It was a little girl crying, one of the children of our neighbor. I walked over to find out what was wrong. She told me that she too had awakened early and had gone out on her balcony to examine her father’s esrog, whose delightful appearance and fragrance fascinated her. Against her father’s instructions, she removed the esrog from its protective box to examine it. She unfortunately dropped the esrog on the stone floor, irreparably damaging it and rendering it unacceptable for ritual use. She knew that her father would be enraged and would punish her severely, perhaps even violently. Hence the frightened tears and wails of apprehension.
“I comforted her, and I then took my esrog and placed it in her father’s box, taking the damaged esrog to my premises. I told her to tell her father that his neighbor insisted that he accept the gift of the beautiful esrog, and that he would be honoring me and the holiday by so doing.”
Agnon concludes the story by saying: “My rabbinic neighbor’s damaged, bruised, ritually unusable esrog was the most beautiful esrog I have ever seen in my lifetime.”

The Mechanics of miracles-Succot edition

October 8, 2015 Holidays, Succot No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s Noach Isaac Oelbaum, Asher Hertzberg, Baruch Dopelt, Rachamim Shaulov and Dr. Abba Goldman and Esther Matmon
Although Succot is a beautiful holiday, it does require much work. Building the Sukkah, granted it’s fun, takes up lots of time. The same can be said about buying the Lulav and Etrog set, it impinges on our really heavy schedule. Waving those pointy lulavs with an occasional dart can be painful and burdensome, especially having to be careful not to break the delicate “pitom” on the small etrog.  Furthermore having to go out to the sukkah every time one wants to snack, a small cookie, (mezonot) is really uncomfortable. It’s similar to going out to the corner neighborhood store by car to get a paper only to have to walk a half a block to get a parking stub from the mini meters. Might as well not eat the cookie or get the paper.  Moreover, it’s not easy to sit in uncomfortable climate and change our lifestyle. It’s nice, perhaps for one or two outings, a change of scenery takes out the boredom in our HO HUM life, however seven days!! That’s a lot of meals where plates going back and forth from inside the house. Nevertheless G-d said to perform the commandment of sitting in the Succah therefore we dutifully oblige.
It’s interesting that Sukkot follows the Yamim Noraim – days of awe, where we just came out apologizing profusely and asking G-d to wipe out the bad decree, Amein! Perhaps Succot with all its tasks and requirements is one last test. We were knocking our hearts with our fists and cried “we’ll gravitate to you, G-d!!  We won’t sin anymore; we’ll change”. Is that what we said not too long ago?   Well, here is a shot to prove your worth, as they say. Here is an opportunity to put your trust in G-d. Here is a chance to put your money where your mouth is. Here is an opportunity to show we really meant what we said. Hey!! You mean business….don’t you? Here is a chance to weather the uncomfortable environment and have the right feelings.
  Many Jews open a letter, an email with the word BH, or SIYATA D’SHMAYA – with G-d’s help on top of the page. It’s a Jewish heading. It really is a loaded statement. In other words, by writing BH, we’re implying G-d’s running the show. How many of us believe that?
  One of the major aspects of “with G-d’s help” is we participate in the help. “Siyata” can also mean “helper of G-d”. We learned about “Effort”, in Judaism 101. We have to make an effort in all our life endeavors. We can’t just sit pat and wait for G-d to deliver at our door step money, the Porsche or the mail order bride. We have to use our optimal ability to move up in life, in every aspect of this wonderful glorious world whether spiritual and/or materialistic. Here we take effort to a different crazy level. We were under the notion that Siyata d’shmaya was a solo act. The idea was “we are waiting for G-d Who is going to help”. However, if we participate, do an extra part then the miracle will take effect. Do you believe in miracles?
We see this occur from the following stories:

****The Chafetz Chaim – Rabbi Yisrael Meir Kagan, (1839-1933), was one of the greatest Rabbis in our illustrious Jewish history. His books, commentary on Jewish law (Mishna Brurah) as well as his books where his profound words and emphasis on lashon hara (guard your tongue) have been unprecedented and has changed many lives.
The Chafetz Chaim was quite revered in his time and when he fell extremely ill at the age of eighty eight in the year 1929 there was an outcry and concern for his wellbeing. Tehilim was recited throughout the Jewish world. After all, he was considered one of the prominent Rabbis of the generation and well needed for his teachings and advice to the Jewish populous.
 There was one young man Mordechai who was particularly taken by the Chafetz Chaim’s illness. He was the son of the prominent Rosh Yeshiva – Moshe Londinsky and for a brief period was one of the Chafetz Chaim’s personal secretaries. One night, at the study hall, being in a somber state, he decided to recite the entire Tehilim  for the z’chut of the refuah shelema of his Rav. As the dawn hour was approaching, he got up from his seat, after finishing Tehilim, and went up to the eichal – Aron Hakodesh to put in his own personal prayer. As he grabbed the parochet (the velvety cover curtain) and brought it close to his eyes, he cried out to G-d “the world needs the Chafetz Chaim!!” “I’m a young student that will probably not come close to the greatness of such a holy man. As a matter of fact”, He said, “I’m willing to give up 5 years of my life so that the Chafetz Chaim can live. He’ll probably be more productive in those five years than I will be my entire life”. This is how deeply the young man felt. Throughout the day the young man thought of the proclamation he had presented to G-d and still felt strongly about it.
 The news traveled fast that the Chafetz Chaim was miraculously getting better  and chances of him making a full recovery was great. Sometime later the Chafetz Chaim now at full strength met Mordechai Londensky.” I thank G-d that the Rebbi is feeling better” Mordechai said. The Chafetz Chaim looked him in the eyes and said “I know what you did for me Mordechai and I want to thank you for the five years”. Mordechai was floored. He hadn’t told anyone about his conversation with G-d. The Chafetz Chaim then proclaimed.  “I am giving you a blessing that you will live a little longer then I am right now”
 …Five years later the Chafetz Chaim past away…
  Rabbi Mordechai Londinski passed away at the age of eighty nine. It was just like the Chafetz Chaim had promised “you will live a little longer then I am now”. His funeral, though, was delayed for a day for his beloved son Moshe who was in California had to arrive. Usually, the burial has to take place within twenty four hours. Rabbi Kaminetski gave the unusual HETTER-“permission” to delay.  Rabbi Moshe Londinski arrived and eulogized his father where he revealed this story. He said “besides my father, I and Chafetz Chaim no one knew this story until today” Rav Kaminetski said “it’s with the help of G-d that I made my decision to delay. Now I know why”.
 Rabbi Mordechai Londinski made the extra effort to make the miracle happen, the miracle of life.
Many people have gone to the Baba Sali for brachot – blessings. One particular individual was seeking a bracha – blessing to have children. It was medically impossible for him and his wife to conceive. However, the man was determined to make every effort to make this impossible dream possible. There were usually long lines and people waiting for hours to see the Rabbi and when they do see him it’s in passing, very brief – one or two word answers. However, many have sworn that his brachot come true. When it was finally this individual’s turn the Baba Sali looked at the letter that was presented to him with the request “Children!” to which he replied “lost case”, next… person on line. The individual though broken came the next day again to be in line for a blessing, after his turn came, he again gave in his request “Children!”, and the answer was… “lost case”, next…, the next day he was there again with the same request and the same answer followed “lost case”. He kept coming to Rav Baba Sali every single day for the next 200 days to bless him to have kids and always received the same answer…Then the secretary of the Rav Baba Sali finally told the Rav “why don’t you tell him to stop coming already”, the Rav told the petitioner “you come every day with the same request and I gave you an answer already, may be you should stop coming”. The petitioner said “I know your prayers work, G-d listens to you; you are the only one in this world who can help me”. “Do you really believe in it?” asked the Rav, “then go right now and buy a baby carriage”. The man left ecstatic “I received the blessing!”, “I received the blessing!” He went and brought a new baby carriage to his wife at home. Nine months later he had a baby!
 People like this refuse to be discouraged by those who advise them that their goals are impossible to attain. 
We often hear such an individual being praised for “accomplishing the impossible,” almost as if he pulled off something supernatural, against the natural order. The truth is that the person may have indeed gone far beyond the norm in dedication, sacrifice and commitment.

But that is not what brought them success. They tasted success only because G-d’s hand enabled them to do so, or else it truly would have been impossible to achieve what they did.

Anyone who walks this earth with his eyes open is aware of the hand of G-d that touches us every moment of our lives. We see Siyata Di’Shmaya – Divine Protection – constantly. We work hard to accomplish our goal and then G-d takes over.

Every person was created to carry out a mission in life. Those who succeed are the ones who don’t let anything deter them for long. With faith in the One Above, they ignore the difficulties that would throw off lesser men. They continue their effort with the knowledge that G-d will assist them and take over for them at the proper time.

The final verdict is Hoshana Rabba, after we experience Succot. G-d watches how we would react sitting in the glorious but weather related Succah. It’s a time to ask, to pray, and to go beyond the norm.
We learn a very interesting and valuable lesson in similar vein from mikvah.  If someone is spiritually impure – tameh and touches the water, the water becomes impure. It’s powerful – the way Humans can transmit tumah – spiritual impurity. However, if a person immerses himself in a kosher mikvah, then not only is that the mikvah does not fall to impurity, but on the contrary – it makes the person tahor – pure. As long as the person does not have any chatzitza – any object on his body that will be considered a separation, for the idea is to be totally embodied/immersed within the mikvah parameters. He is part and parcel with the mikvah and with that power becomes pure. The Mitzvah of Succah is similar: in order to perform it – one has to be totally in the parameters (the entire body of the person inside the sukkah), just like Mikvah changes one’s status so does Succah, the power of Succah has the ability to make one Kadosh. The power of Succah has the power to make miracles; however, we need siyata di’shmaya and participation from ourselves. We build it, we beautify it, we do our part of participation and G-d does the rest.

 

Does G-d forgive?

September 10, 2015 High Holidays, Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s  Noach Isaac Oelbaum, Asher Hertzberg, Yissachar frand, Berel Wein, Baruch Dopelt, Efraim Buchwald, Yossi Bilius and Dr. Abba Goldman and Aryeh Burnstien
Does G-d forgive? How effective could we be to alter the unfavorable decree that has fallen upon us?
Can life really change drastically if we pray this Rosh Hashana or if we don’t?
If Rosh HaShana is such a crucial day of judgement, where life and death is dangled in front of us, why do we wear our finest cloths, have lavish meals and are in a festive mood?  We should be in sack cloths and ashes begging for forgiveness, eating bread and water not French brick roast and the finest wine….Let’s not forget the deli roll.
Rav Pam z’l, the Rosh Yeshiva of the Mir once commented on the prayer that we say in Selichot prior to and during the Yomim Noraim (Days of Awe), “Like paupers and beggars do we come before You, knocking on Your door.” The simple interpretation is that we are paupers because we do not have sufficient good deeds to our credit. However, Rav Pam says that it is to be interpreted literally — when we appear before the Almighty on Rosh HaShana we are penniless. What does it mean we are penniless? I have money in the bank, I have a portfolio, I have a house, and I have assets! What does it mean, “I’m a pauper”?
Rav Pam explains that it means that nothing is a given. We start out afresh. There are no chazaka-automatics in life”. “You were healthy until now, but today there is a fresh judgment regarding what is going to happen now and for the coming year.” “You had success until now. Today there is a fresh Judgment.”
The reason we do not tremble before the Yom HaDin is because it is very hard for us to actually believe this idea. If a person is 50 years old, he figures that he has been through all this previously and things always seem to remain fairly stable. He assumes “Look, I just went for a physical and the doctor says I am doing quite well.” “I have been in my business or profession for 30 years; some years I do a little better and some years a little worse, but I have always had a steady income. What do you mean that I might not have parnasa this coming year?” We tend to assume that we are going into the Day of Judgment with a strong status quo in our favor. That is not true. It is very difficult for us to internalize this concept but the status quo is not guaranteed.
If we think about things we have seen and heard about during the past year, it will become all too clear how life can change in a minute. People are swept away by natural tragedies, by sudden changes of fortune, by unexpected diagnoses, and by unforeseen political changes. These sudden changes in one’s health or fortune or personal status are the most shocking things that can happen to a person. Yesterday, everything was wonderful. Overnight, things can change in such a way that a person is no longer able to function. However, such events do occur. That is the Day of Judgment of Rosh Hashana. There are no presumptions of status quo. We cannot be lulled into this false sense of security that we have been healthy, wealthy, and wise until now, presumably it will continue like that as well.
On Rosh HaShana, all bets are off. Like paupers and penniless people do we knock on Your doors. This is the reality. This is why the Din of Rosh Hashana is so awesome and scary.
There is a very interesting and important parable that must be remembered in order for us to have a better understanding of the questions above:
 The parents of a young girl mentioned a few times that she should be back at home at eleven. However, she was enjoying her time with her friends so immensely that she didn’t realize how late it became. Eleven became twelve, then twelve thirtyas she waltzed into her house with a content grin. Although she had pure intention and had no notion what’s so ever to rebel against her parents, it’s just that she had a blast, a really good time and rather come home she wanted to continue spending precious moments with her friends.
 It was inevitable, her parents were furious and she was punished severely. The parents were worried sick, to say the least. The anguish that they went through, they called all her friends inquiring her whereabouts and if she was okay. They, actually, almost called the police, out of desperation.
 The punishment she received made the girl learn a valuable lesson about responsibility. She learned a word is a word. From then on, if she is told to be home at eleven she will make every effort to be home on time.
 There is an element of maturity, an elevation of responsibility that the girl learned from the experience. However, what takes her elevation to a much higher level is if she feels the anguish she caused her parents. If she feels horrible how can she have caused such pain to her Mother and Father? Here we have a crucial turning point in life. These are crucial Torah values and the beginning of a tremendous insight into the high holidays.
 There are many significant as well as inspiring meaningful moments during the course of the YAMIM NORAYIM High holidays. In the days of my youth, praying at the Sephardic shul in Forest Hills, many would attend and there would be two additional minyanim of significant size. There would be so many worshipers, the shul would be busting out of the seams. Everything was multiple sizes than a regular Shabbat attendance. Instead of having one punch ball game there would be five games going on at the same time. It was a kid haven. Interestingly, many of the non-observant, who attend perhaps once or twice a year, would be talking outside during services.  Don’t forget they haven’t seen their friends conceivably for almost a year. It was very tempting for me, since I too have not seen my friends. However, during the Shofar blowing on Rosh HaShana as well as ne’ila at the end of Yom Kippur everyone would scramble inside, where it would be standing room only, to hear the shofar blowing. All would be quiet and one can see the sincerity on practically all the gatherers, whether it be the usual attenders as well as once a year individuals.
 The sound of the shofar seeps through the soul of a Jew. The moment leading up to the blowing as well as “the moment” is very intense. The congregation feels the importance of the time. All eyes are on the chazzan and the shofar blower. I would feel the sounds vibrating through my whole being as I feel regret of all the sins I committed during the year. It is as if the pulsating sensation of the shofar sound was atonement for my sins.
  Interestingly, there is a psalm that is recited seven times right before the shofar blowing.  Psalm #47 that was written by the children of Korach. The psalm receives prime real estate being the intro to this significant moment. Who were Korach’s children and why were they deserving of such lofty honor? Why were they and their song chosen to persuade G-d to place us in the book of life? What is so special about this Psalm?
WHO WAS KORACH? 
  Korach, one of the rich leaders of the Levites, and a cousin of Moses and Aaron, felt that he had been slighted and overlooked in the distribution of the highest priestly honors and leadership. He envied Moses and Aaron, and also his cousin Elzaphan, who had been put in charge of the Levites, after Aaron’s family had become elevated to the rank of Kohanim (Priests). An entire parsha in the Torah recounts the tragic incident of Korach’s rebellion and his downfall. As a result of being slighted, Korach spread evil slander against Moshe and caused a great rift in the Jewish nation. All of the people who joined Korach and supported him were killed in a most tragic yet deserving way. The Jews saw that G-d did not allow disrespect towards the great leader Moshe. Despite Moshe’s pleas with Korach and his followers to make peace so that they would not be punished, they stood their ground, and literally went down into the ground. Pride is a spiritual trait and very hard to control once it is let loose. One of the most tragic aspects of the incident was that all of Korach’s family who supported him, even young children perished because of the severity of machlokes, disputes.
Originally, the three sons of Korach who were Assir, Elkanah and Aviassaf, stood by their father’s side, however, when they witnessed the ground open up, they sincerely repented and as they were being swallowed into the ground a ledge protruded and caught them protecting them from falling into the fires of Purgatory.
It took enormous courage on the part of Korach’s sons to resist joining their father, and for this they were saved. They chose to do what they felt was right despite their training, despite the overwhelming outside influences. They were indeed seekers of truth.
That is why, according to some commentators, Korach’s three children are referred to in the verse as the “Sons of Korach,” even though that label has negative connotations. By noting that they are the sons of Korach, the Torah is actually praising them for their bold actions. Despite being the sons of Korach, the wicked schemer against G-d and Moses, they were not drawn into their father’s rebellion.
One of the most beautiful literary legacies in all of human literature is the Book of Psalms. Most of the 150 psalms are attributed to King David. A few are ascribed to Moshe and King Solomon and others. Psalm # 47, however, begins with the words: “Lam’na’tzay’ach liv’nay Korach, mizmor,” For the conductor, by the sons of Korach, a song.
Not only did Korach’s children remove themselves from the rebellion, they and their descendants reached such great spiritual heights that they were able to compose magnificent psalms. Of all 150 psalms, it is psalm #47, written by the sons of Korach, that is chosen to be recited before the sounding of the shofar on Rosh HaShana. It reaffirms the belief that if the sons of Korach can repent, so can others. If they could resist the influence of one of the greatest propagandists of all times, then we can as well. It assures us that even though no one was closer to Korach than his sons, even though they were deeply involved in the rebellion, they were able to detach themselves from the rebellious assembly.
Psalm 47:2 reads: “Sound the shofar with a joyous cry,” because we can overcome outside influences and beat evil at its own game. Like the sons of Korach, each of us can rise above destiny and outwit the unholy influences that try to derail us.
In Chronicles I 6:18-22, we learn that the great prophet Samuel is a descendant of the sons of Korach. How exceptional is the power of repentance! That from Korach’s sons – a tsaddik, one of the greatest prophet emerged.
The later Biblical history nonchalantly relates that Korach’s direct descendant Heman was one of King David’s appointees to be in charge of song in the Temple (I Chronicles 6:16-23), and others of Korach’s descendants were the Temple gatekeepers and chefs (I Chronicles 9:17-32).   Quite a turnaround:  from Korach being the chief threat to the Priesthood, to his descendants directing security and food production – areas where one can most easily murder, poison, stage a coup.  Apparently it wasn’t just Heman who had musical prowess, as ten of the Bible’s Psalms are attributed in their first line to the children of Korach (Psalms 42, 44-49, 84, 85, and87).  The Rabbis seem to understand the significance of this, in that their Midrash-special insights on Psalm 1, which is not authored by Korach’s children, reads the whole poem as actually telling the story of Korach’s children’s rejection of their father’s ways, as if to say that the central theme of the book of Psalms is Korach’s children’s authorship of many of its poems.
 Psalm 1 opens, “Happy is the person who does not walk in the council of the wicked”.  The Rabbis explain, “This is the sons of Korach, who did not walk in the council of their father, as is said, ‘Turn away please, from the tents of these wicked men’ (Bemidbar 16:26). .
BEFORE THE SHOFAR BLOWING A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON
 What’s the big deal about Korach’s sons? Someone’s life flashes in front of them and they hang on to dear life, by the skin of their teeth or else they will be swallowed up by the ground beneath them, of course they’re going to do teshuva-going to repent. It’s a no brainier!! This act, is similar to many heroes in our illustrious history, doesn’t deserve a front row seat before the shofar blower.
   One has to realize, although it must have been very difficult to resist the strong current of the peer pressure, the key to Sons of Korach greatness, though,  is not that they relinquished their father’s ideology the last second, although it’s very commendable, lies in the first verse ,” For the conductor, by the sons of Korach, a song”.. Song permeates emotions.  Granted, they regretted their sins nevertheless, they stand out from others in our illustrious past, and they were enthusiastic to a degree that they sang.  They were enthusiastic for they knew it made G-d happy. The idea we said before with the girl who stayed out late to prolong her “good time” with her friends.  It’s not that a teenager is afraid of her parents for she knows if she does wrong she’ll be punished, she will lose her computer time or get grounded. It’s the fact that the teenager won’t do wrong for she doesn’t want to upset her parent and hurt their feelings. She wants to make them happy.
 In essence TESHUVA means to return; return to the source. Just like when a child returns home to see his parents after a long term separation. The child is excited; he desires that feeling…. He feels tremendous joy. He is ecstatic to see his parents happy too. He glances in their eyes and is excited to see their joy… So too is the feeling when one repents and returns to G-d. He is excited for G-d for he also returned home. This is an elevated state of mind and a feeling one should strive.
   The RAMBAM says one has a guarantee that the teshuva-repentance will be accepted if he does it or for that matter all mitzvot with love and enthusiasm. This is the proper attitude, an elevated attitude of happiness that the sons of Korach had.
  Rabbi Chain Shmuelevtz – the great and revered Rosh Yeshiva of the Mir once said Purim is more powerful than Yom Kippur. How is that possible? Purim is holier than Yom Kippur? There is a play on words KIPPUR-IM.; it’s read KEH-PUR-IM.  Yom Kippur is like Purim, insinuating that one can achieve a positive judgment from joy of the festive of Purim than the fear of Yom Kippur.
For this reason the famous phrase IVDU ET HASHEM B’SIMCHA – serve G-d with joy. That is a loaded statement which holds the key to success and long sweet life. So we wear our finest cloths and are joyous and be in a darn good mood. This is how we are able to win a positive decree and accelerate ourselves in the book of life and transform YAMIM NORAIM-days of awe to days of joy….Amein!!

« Older Entries   Recent Entries »