Archive for MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson

Road Rage

October 13, 2013 Jewish Values, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson No comments
          This past year, there were 1500 injuries and 400 serious injuries from road rage; some of which caused fatalities. It’s strange, but it seems like no one is immune to this increasing phenomena; even yours truly. I remember one morning last summer, while I was driving, a speeding vehicle buzzed past my car and the driver screamed, ‘Jew!!’ It was unexpected, so I jumped. Obviously, the driver’s intention was to purely shock and agitate me, and he accomplished his mission. What was surprising about the incident was my reaction. Instinctively, I was about to press on the acceleration pedal and ram my old jalopy 1996 Toyota Camry into him. Those brief moments were filled with all the emotions of startled surprise to rage. All I could think was “How dare you!!”. Seconds later, I came to my senses realizing I have a kippa on my head and I have to live up to a certain dignified standard. Also, why would I want this low-life in my life for any extended period; the few seconds that he was in view was enough. I hope with G-d’s help to never see him again. Lastly, I have a busy life as is, so I don’t need the headaches.
          But to think, the scariest and most disappointing notion is that for those few seconds, I was tempted to violently react in the most horrific way. I was going to use the car, a vehicle that has helped transport my family and I to many productive functions, as a weapon of destruction. For those brief moments, I was not in control. I can’t help but think that if the scenario was slightly different and he would have agitated me a bit longer or if I had a rough morning before, would I have acted on those initial impulses?

          What is it about driving that transforms mild-mannered, nice people into rash road-rage racers? I know many of these people. In real life, they are courteous, responsible and family oriented, I guess like myself! On the road they mutate into monsters. How? I think it has to do with the feeling of control. Take the wheel and you assume control. You direct and your car obeys. You choose the route, destination, travel time, speed and driving style. This is your journey. What you haven’t necessarily considered is that you don’t control the traffic volumes, the red lights, the drivers next to you or ahead of you. You actually control very little of the journey. When it doesn’t go as expected, you get upset, angry or even aggressive. And all because you thought you were in control. Interesting insight into life, this road rage is. Believe you’re in control and you’re bound to be frustrated; perhaps pseudo-control is the best description. Accept that there will always be variables outside of your control, and that your job is to know how to respond to them, and you will remain calm…and happy.

USE THE KIPPA AS A TOOL TO HELP ONE NOT TO OVER REACT OR……

          Understandably, a kippa, which I obviously wore at the road rage incident, is a tool. It reminds oneself about the pride of being a Jewish mench (odam) and the ability we possess for self-restrain. With it, we have to adhere to a higher standard of behavior. We won’t let our emotions get the better of us. After all, this is one of the primary lessons we learn in Yeshiva – control your mind over emotions. I know many who take off their kippa’s in order to not have to live up to those standards. They want to behave in a decadent way, at least for the evening night out. “I’m on vacation from being civil”.

          Although wearing a kippa brings out the best behavior in an individual, at times it can put us in a difficult predicament. Let’s take our example; when one wears a kippa and as a result is being singled out because of his “Jewishness”, does he fight back against anti-Semitism? What about protecting our pride and the pride of our people? Should we just be a bunch of wimps and not react?

          We asked Dr. Goldman, a Psychologist at Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim, on how he explains road rage. He says we first have to understand what makes us so defensive and tempted to react. The doctor explains that the anger reaction stems from pride; the ego has been hurt. We have to learn from King David. When David ran away, Shimi ben Gera insulted him and he did not react right away. David didn’t allow “road rage” to take the better of him. This is a person who was able to control himself while in the moment. He didn’t give an immediate irrational response. Apparently, it was very difficult for him to control himself, but, because he represented G-d, he did.

          Dr. Goldman said that one has to believe and say “I can take these insults. I’m okay. I’m not less of a person than I was before the insults.” It would be a sign of insecurity if one would let it get to him. Ah, but the kids are watching as I’m being insulted and I shouldn’t react? The good doctor says one should handle the insults with dignity, then the kids will respect you. You’re not a baby. Don’t let it bother you. If they see that you are not bothered and affected by those insults, they will respect you more. The notion of the ‘American cowboy’, to take care of him at the ‘OK coral’ is nonsense. One has to understand, one can lose everything in one moment. Is it worth it?

          We see control is something one has to master. Interestingly the kippa and the car, in our story, were two tools that could have been used to benefit us or to hurt us. It’s up to us how we use them; they can be weapons or peacekeeper; that depends on us.

          This is best illustrated by Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz famous discourse on parshat Noach titled ” Noach’s Arc”. Rav Chaim takes the concept of “the tools of life” to a different level.

Standing on the Threshold of Rosh Hashana

September 17, 2013 G-d and Us, High Holidays, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson, Rosh Hashana No comments
Rabbi Baruch Dopelt quoting the RAN hakadosh, Rabbi’s Yitzchak Aminov, Yossi Bilus Dr. Robert Goldman
          Today even a 4 year old has access to making a music video. We are so attached to the computer that some of us have become anti-social. The computer has replaced the dog as “man’s best friend”. One can proclaim that all the modern technology, things like the iphone, ipad, pc, smartphone and laptop have dehumanized us; it has influenced us to an extent where in cases we’ve been transformed and mimic the dull-machine-Mr. Spock personalities of our circuit brain friend. However, one can argue to the contrary, that focusing so much attention on these new gadgets our vulnerability and  humanity manifests itself the most.
          Such is the case many years ago at my bar mitzvah, although it seems like the stone age compared to the gadgets today. By coincidence, the photographer my parents chose to take pictures and video of the event happened to receive the latest technology on the market first, Oo la la “sound super 8mm film!”; WOW,  what a revelation!! Apparently, we were the first family to have a movie of a bar mitzvah with sound in our community.
          The element of surprise and excitement was evident the way many of the guests  stood on line to wish the bar mitzvah boy their best wishes. Today many of us are familiar with the routine and have a set standard greeting when the camera is motioned around the table. “I want to wish the bar mitzvah boy and his family mazal tov may he grow up….yada yada yada……”, however it was funny to see how people clumsily struggled to hold the big mike, some for the first time in their lives, and speak into it. The cat would bite their tongue, even though nobody else at the party was listening, and they would, in a very funny way, get camera shy.
There was one poignant moment though, bringing out the emotions and inner-feelings of some as the camera was given to three guests at one particular table. They were my parents friends and, like them, migrated from Israel to America. Seemingly they missed  the generation of their parents which they experienced as children and young adults; in other words, they were nostalgic. Their parents were immigrants themselves coming to Israel, from the old country, many years before.
One of them said “lets give the mike to him he’ll sing us an old song”. Apparently  one of the three had a nice voice and gifted where he was able to mimic perfectly the old tunes with the accent. As he was singing to the camera, with only the other two listening, they began to get misty eyed as they were reminded of their youth a world far away.

When I was 15; I remember seeing the bar mitzvah movie and thinking what audacity, what chutzpah, three middle aged men at a happy occasion crying. Their emotions seemed misplaced. It may be a time and place to get nostalgic but not to cry. Hey guys! you are supposed to make the bar mitzvah boy and his parents happy. WHY ARE YOU RAINING ON MY PARTY!……THE NERVE.

          As time went on, it’s funny, but 15 years later when I was 30; apparently I had a change of heart of those three fellows and that scene. I didn’t look at them in a negative way anymore; I understood them a bit, however there was a disinterest. One, at this age, is trying to climb the latter of success. My age group, at the time, wanted to establish ourselves financially and socially. It’s an age to built an identity. There was a sub-conscience part of us that looked at our parents for guidance and help us shape up. As our high school principal said at graduation “these graduates have the world in front of them, let them go out and explore”. There was also the time consuming dreadful process of looking for a soul mate. With all that on our plate who had time to reminisce about our young  past?  We were on a mission. We also wanted to have fun. There is excess energy that one just feels like running as fast as he can to win the race. After all we were living in the metropolis of the world.
In my mid-forties though, the attitude changed once again. One sees life totally different. There is an element of experience where one doesn’t jump into things, and I think most importantly, a certain ability to appreciate life and what G-d has on this earth. The prayer we read in the AMIDA- MODIM-appreciation becomes more apparent on the awareness scale; it’s more emphasised . There is a certain sensitivity that one develops. He sees life through a different lens. He also appreciates the past. One cannot help but to say where did that time go? Wouldn’t it be cool if technology developed a time warp?

          There seemed to be a huge transformation in attitude from the age of 15 to 45. What happened to that tough edge personality who didn’t put much emphasis on the past?

In this weeks parsha Moshe informs the people (29:3) after forty years you are now ready in all aspects of life, feeling, seeing, hearing to enter the promised land. Rashi develops this idea, saying  time had to pass and the nation had to grow up, lick their wounds from the sin of the spies and experience that chill time. A time spent wisely developing their Torah skills in order to graduate to the level of entering the land. Dr Goldman points out, we learn from here one does not fully comprehend a Rebbi’s or teacher’s message until forty years later. One can acquire a vast amount of informational knowledge and with it build the world; however it will still be somewhat on a superficial level. A vital part, an emotional edge, kicks in later.

          For this reason one has to show respect and stand up for an elder gentile as well as a Jew. Because through certain painstaking experiences he has acquired wisdom and understanding.

          The Jews who received the Torah at Mount Sinai did not fully comprehend the magnitude of the event until later. Then they had a clearer and deeper understanding of G-d’s masterpiece; they needed years to digest the monumental event. They needed time
One cannot rush time
          Rav Avni said whoever presses his luck before its time will forfeit it entirely. For example, Avshalom, who tried to dethrone his father David. He lost his life and never became king. But whoever waits for the right time will be able to survive the hour of his bad fortune.

Such was the case of two Rabbis, Rabbah and Rav Yosef. The time came for a new head of the Yeshiva. A vote was cast and Rav Yossef was chosen. Nevertheless Rav Yossef did not accept the position because the astrologist had told him that he would officiate as Rosh Yeshiva for only two years and then he would die. So Rabba was chosen and headed the Yeshiva for 22 years then Rav Yossef was chosen. He served for two and a half years before he passed away. During the 22 years Rav Yossef never had a doctor come to his house. By waiting for the appropiate time Rav Yossef gained 22 years of life.
Tractate Brachot
Jews have the power to manipulate time
          Jews have the power to manipulate time. An example of their power is kiddush, whether it be Shabbat or Festivals. The idea of kiddush-sanctify but also means separation. A Jew has the power to bless and separate the day or days and make it special.
How can you make it special?
          A Jew is able to bring back time. One has the power to bring back the first Shabbat or the first Pesach, where G-d had mercy on our ancestors and released us from torture and slavery. We manipulate time to bring that moment of mercy back. If we have the proper intention when we pray or make kiddush, we can receive the same special treatment our ancestors received because we deliberately performed the commandment at the designated times.
Why is Rosh Hashana a day of Judgement?
          It doesn’t state anywhere in the Torah Rosh Hashana is a day of judgement. It only refers to it as yom teruah,  a day of blowing the shofer. So how do we derive that its one of the holiest times of the year?

          The more popular opinion is that Rosh Hashana is when G-d created the world. To be more precise, the world was created on the 25th day of the month of Elul and after six days of creation, the day that G-d created man, Judgment day was proclaimed.
Why was judgement day proclaimed when G-d created man?
          Well,.it was an eventful day to say the least. The first hour G-d thought about creating man; the second hour he asked the angels their opinion. We learn even though one thinks he’s the greatest, he should always ask advice. The third hour G-d gathered dirt from the four corners of the earth. The fourth hour he gathered all the materials together; The 5th hour he created the body; the 6th created a golem, a walking body; on the 7th man was able to speak – he instilled a neshama-soul; on the 8th hour he created Gan Eden. On the 9th hour he warned man not to eat from the tree; an hour later man sinned. The eleventh hour G-d judged him that he should be put to death. However on hour twelve, G-d had tremendous mercy on Adam and let him live for 930 years.
 
          The mercy that G-d displayed, on the first day, was a textbook blue print of the ultimate mercy ever. We said earlier a Jew has the power to bring back time, as long as it’s in the time frame of the time warp. Pesach seder is the same date as when we left Egypt. Shabbat is a day of rest as it was the same seventh day from the inception of the world.
          Rosh Hashana is the same day G-d showed his tremendous mercy.  We purposely manipulate time by making kiddush and conducting special prayers, sanctifying the day. We attempt to enhance the day to bring back the feeling of mercy that G-d displayed on that very first day Adam was created.

          Rabbi Kamenetzky once gave his son a present, a watch. The card said this is the most precious commodity you’ll own. It will guide you to organize your day and allocate time correctly.

          Another year has passed and I will be soon the same age as my father and his friends were at the time of  my bar mitzvah. Its true I understand life a lot better then when I was younger. I also realize the precious commodity ” time”; it’s marching on and not waiting for anybody. As we stand on the threshold of a new year we have to be prepared to submit to G-d what we accomplished this year proclaiming we were productive. We must draw up a plan that the coming year we will improve even more and perhaps he will say we are righteous enough to merit not just entering the promised land but entering another year of good life.

What’s the Purpose of Stars

September 13, 2013 Achdut- Unity, Holidays, Jewish Values, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson, Succot No comments
          When G-d revealed Himself to our forefather Avraham, after Avraham committed to a life of serving G-d, He fondly promised him that his offspring will be many like the stars in the sky. Poetically, that’s nice and romantic; however, why did G-d pick on the stars? The holiday of Succot, where we eat and some of us actually sleep in these little huts. It’s not so easy to build these huts. As a matter of fact, there are a lot of intrinsic and detailed laws on how to build a Sukkah. One of which is when one puts on the SCHACH – the bamboo roof, he should be careful to leave enough space to see the stars. One may ask why?
Why do we have to see the stars through the SCHACH?
          Succot is a fitting holiday following Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur is very scary, we’re not sure who will live and who will die. Life is very short and one is not sure what will be tomorrow. During Succot, one lives in temporary quarters. Such is life – temporary. It’s a lesson to drive home – never be too sure and comfortable in life. Nothing is yours for long. Therefore, one should be more giving to his fellow man.
The sun and the moon were the same size. However, the moon wanted to have the upper hand and slyly suggested to G-d, why have two huge lights? Make one smaller. So G-d said “You know, you’re right! I’ll make you smaller”. The moon realized his ambitious desires at the expense of others, and kept quiet, accepting G-d’s punishment. G-d then created the stars around the moon, to appease the moon; their task is to illuminate the sky and to make the moon not feel lonely and the burden of the punishment. Similarly, the Jews are here to appease each other because life is too short; its temporary. So one has to make the best of life. Succot represents unity.
Living in Kew Garden Hills where the houses are attached and the backyards are very close to each other, during Succot one feels a sense of unity when everybody is out back in their sukkah, singing and eating. After a while though, everyone invites the others for a bite here and a dessert or a l’chaim there. G-d is blessing Avraham that his offspring will appease each other and together they’ll grow and be G-d’s number one representatives.

Measure for Measure

September 13, 2013 G-d and Us, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson No comments

     

Germany in the 1930′s was known as a very cultural society. The Jews of Germany were so in love with its elegance, grace and blah blah blah that they considered themselves Germans first and Jews second; sounds familiar? One may wonder how can a society like that can turn to be cruel, brutal, and barbaric, which no one has seen in the history of mankind?

 

We read a few weeks ago after the miraculous crossing of the sea by our ancestors, that “they saw”, then “they feared”, then “they believed”. It seems like fear is part of the equation. Fear is part and parcel of belief. However, fear and religion – according to American taste – doesn’t get many brownie points. It’s not a popular word when associated with religion. In fact, I’m not going to title this article with that “word” in it. Hey, I got to sell this, don’t I? Americans like a slow song guitar playing spiritual orah, kumsitz style; or getting the spiritual high from appreciating the good things in life, like a good kiddush, a good meal combined with some good Torah learning. Personally, I’m all for that and that’s how I feel one can grow through the appreciation of all the wonderful things G-d has given us. However, we have to have a little fear; little just a little. I’d like to explain this through the following story. Although it’s a bit crude, it makes an effective point.

 

There was a father and son who had a nice relationship. At age 5, the boy got a racing car from his father. A number of years later, the boy received a bicycle for his birthday. After borrowing the family car too many times, the father decided to get a second vehicle and the boy ceremoniously declared it his. As time marched on, the son got married and had kids. The father, in the meantime, reaches an age where health is an issue and the doctor visits are more frequent. Years later, the son has to accompany the father to the medical facilities. It seems like the father has reached an age where he can’t take care of himself and the son has to put him into a home. The insurance doesn’t cover everything; it’s Medicare. However, the son and the father have some money saved up.

 

In today’s times, people live longer than in the past and the father has survived a good number of years at the home but the cost is a bit expensive and the family resources ran out. Therefore, he had to move back in with the son. He received plastic plates while the rest of the family was eating on the nice porcelain because of the possibility of him breaking it. It was very hard; the father became irritable and the son just the same.

 

One day, the son, although carefully planned, had an idea. He said to his father “Father, we’re going on a trip, you and me”. He takes him for a long ride on top of this huge mountain. After a nice walk, they get to the edge of the cliff. Just then, as he’s ready to push his father off the cliff, he notices his father smiling. He says to himself, my father is a very smart man. Let me ask him about his reaction. “Father I know you know why I brought you here, why are you smiling?” The father replied, “Because I did the same thing to my father”.

 

The son didn’t go through with the plan because of the fear of measure for measure in which his children will react the same.

 

A person can be educated, be cultured, and have elegance and class, but when G-d puts him in an extremely difficult predicament, he can turn into the cruelest animal one cannot even imagine. The one attribute that will prevent him from going to the extreme behavior mode is fear. The son was ready to kill his father out of frustration, but held himself back because of fear of measure for measure. What’s the expression? What goes around comes around.

Protecting the Community

September 9, 2013 G-d and Us, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson, Responsibility No comments

 

This D’var Torah was said over by Rabbi Jay Shapiro of  WITS Institute in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

 

If a mugger robs someone at gunpoint, what punishment does he incur? What about a burglar? What penalty does he receive when a family goes on vacation and he helps himself?

 

Believe it or not, according to Jewish law, the burglar gets a stiffer penalty than the mugger. The reason, the Sages tell us, is because it seems like the burglar is more afraid of man then he is of G-d, while the mugger treats G-d and man the same. This that burglar has displayed is a tremendous breach of faith.

 

Rabbi Jay Shapiro learns from Rabbi Samson Refael Hirsh something fascinating.  When the mugger robs someone, it’s something personal as it’s between the mugger and the individual. However, if a burglar steals in the middle of the night, sneaking in and out of the house like a cat, this is a crime against society. His act is causing the sentiment that “we can’t trust one another, my house is my private domain and someone has trespassed on my property”. One cannot leave his house without worrying that something might happen. The burglar commits a sin beyond only affecting the individual; the entire neighborhood and community has been compromised; it’s a breach of trust. This is the reason why the penalty is so severe.

 

If one, for instance is a student and he is standing on line in the cafeteria waiting to be served and a delicious delicacy is served, let’s say its garlic hot dogs from Romanian delicatessen. When it’s his turn to be served, he grabs the spatula and takes five servings. This act of selfishness is a crime affecting the school community; it’s stealing from his comrades.

 

Rav Hirsch seems to indicate that a violation against society is far greater than one against an individual. Every one of us has a responsibility and owes a debt to society. G-d is emphatic about keeping an orderly and thereby growing world. This is of great importance to Him.

 

Altering Life in the Blink of an Eye

September 8, 2013 MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson No comments

 

 

          There are times when it seems that all one’s effort is for naught. No matter how much one tries, it just doesn’t go. It’s similar to when one puts their car in neutral and presses the gas. The vehicle doesn’t move. It doesn’t help if one presses on the accelerator with more force. Absolutely nothing helps. This is how many of us feel sometimes. Does this sound familiar?
          Rav Henoch Liebowitz z’l teaches us something very inspirational in this week’s parsha. When the two angels came to Lot’s house revealing that the city and all its inhabitants would be destroyed, Lot informed his household that they would have to leave quickly. However his future son-in-law laughed at him. “How can this city be destroyed? The economy is bustling” the son-in-law said. “The kids are playing in the street and there’s not a cloud in the sky; it doesn’t seem like anything is going to happen”. Boy, was he surprised; he and the entire city were destroyed. Interestingly, even though he ridiculed Lot, the son- in-law was a believer of G-d. So why didn’t he comply? Rav Henoch says, human nature is such that one doesn’t believe change will take place. Everything will remain the same. This is what the son-in-law believed. Perhaps that’s why a person never is able to comprehend that he will die one day. It could happen to my friend but it can never happen to me.
          Just like change took place in a blink of an eye for destructive purposes, so too one can believe that changes can occur in the blink of an eye for the good. One can be single for twenty years and one day he dates a girl and in a couple of months is engaged to be married. The same goes with having children – one may think life follows a script however the captain of the football team doesn’t always get the head cheerleader. Life takes funny bounces and sometimes for the good.
          Rav Henoch is trying to teach us one never knows. In the blink of an eye our prayers can be answered.

The Battle Of Life

September 8, 2013 Chessed/ Acts of Kindness, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson No comments

You’re the General and have just conquered strategic point in the battle against the enemy. There is now a new front and you are dispatching the forces towards the target area. There are places that the enemy have fortified and there are places where you, as the commander, have a strong hold  Then there are the grey areas, the places where you’re not sure who’ll win.

 

Kosher food, well that’s your stronghold. With all the kosher supermarkets. fancy restaurants, and fast food whole-in-the-wall take-out places which are open till 2:00am you definitely have no problem keeping kosher. However the grey area, the battle of keeping the laws of family purity (nida laws), well that’s sometimes more difficult to keep.  Never-the-less though, sometimes you and your wife feel spiritual and wait the two weeks and then are mikva bound. You and your wife realize it’s a fierce battle. Who will persevere?…..and the war continues. Who’ll win?

 

There is an awesome question asked by Rav Dessler. Avraham is known for his HACHNASAT ORCHIM hospitality and his nephew Lott’s claim to fame was that he didn’t spill the beans and disclosed, when Avraham, Sarah and himself, were in Egypt that Avraham and Sarah were not brother and sister but rather husband and wife.  Interestingly Lott, living in a degenerate society, where kindness and hospitality are outlawed, went out on a limb for having guests. Lott put his life in danger having the two angels at his house while a lynch mob was waiting outside. He even offered his two daughters in order that his guest would not be harmed. For the most part his daughter inherited  that character trait as well. She got killed  doing a kindness with a passer-by. So it seems like Lott had a tougher time and more of a test to keep hospitality. Why wasn’t hospitality the famous virtue that Lott is known for?

 

The weakness  Lott had was the desire for money. As a matter of fact, that is the reason why he chose Sedom as his residence after he and Avraham went there separate ways. Sedom’s economy was bustling and that attracted Lott to reside there event hough they were evil people.

 

When the three went down to Egypt Lot had a big opportunity to cash in by disclosing to Pharaoh about Sarah. Against all his desires he kept his mouth shut. That was his battle, his weakness, and he won.

 

Out of all the times Avraham did kindness, why does the incident with the angels  stand out the most. All his life Avraham wanted to reach the height of spirituality. He examined the stars, the sun, anything that could have had a spiritual pulse. On the third day after his circumcision G-d , with all his glory, appeared to him. The ultimate spiritual quest finally arrived. This was the moment he was waiting for. Three men from afar, potential guests, arrived. Ever wonder why G-d had the three men come a few moments after he appeared to Avraham? This was Avraham’s test. This was the sacrifice that Avraham was faced with. The battle had sprung. What would Avraham choose?

 

He interrupted his meeting with G-d to attend to the guests. For this reason Avraham is known for his kindness and hospitality. He won the battle.

A Warning for Computer Lovers

September 1, 2013 MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson No comments
   computer obsessed

 

          There is a primary concern over an addiction, which has been spiraling out of control, and that is the use of the internet. The damage this addiction can do is something many are unaware of, although one can argue that the knowledge one can attain from the internet is enormously unlimited. There are the shiurim of Torah one can see live or taped. Maybe read a newsletter email like this one with a cup of coffee and a quick thought, and one can have an instant schmooze on the weekly parsha (although one can say it’s not a quick thought as I proclaim, but the time span is more like a cup of coffee and a seven course meal).

          I was once stopped at a wedding where a woman said she listens to my shiurim on Torahanytime.com on a Friday in the kitchen while preparing for Shabbat; that’s cool, the chickens and me. Here is a woman who utilizes her time to the maximum. She’s preparing for Shabbat as well as pulling in a shiur (as long as her young kids are taking a nap). In a high demanding New York environment, we have to squeeze as much juice from the demanding lifestyle, Kol Hakavod! So, we see the internet could be a tremendous benefit. However, it can be dangerous.

      Pornography is easily accessible at your fingertips. People can lose track of time by getting caught up in so many seductive areas. Chat rooms are especially tempting for women meeting random gentiles online, although indirectly, and it’s only typing; but shockingly, one hears stories of one thing leading to another and they are frequently alarming.

The addiction of gambling is especially abused on the internet. One can categorize them, day-trading being one of them. We are obsessed at looking at people doing things where we are left inactive and not practicing our social skills properly. There used to be an expression describing excessive TV watchers as ‘couch potatoes’; computer watchers should be called chair potatoes. Those of us, who use the computer for constructive purposes for job-related or intellectual stimulation, have forgotten about our physical bodies. Does anybody remember how to do a pushup? The sages say that after 120 years, the body and soul will separate. We’re a little early for that, aren’t we? Rightfully so, the New York Board of Health is concerned over obese children because of too much computer time. Now they’re putting two evils into one with the invention of the smart-phone; a computer and a phone.

 

I remember a number of years ago when I was in the jewelry industry in the city, I left my phone in my office. I must say it was quite relaxing; I felt liberated. But I’ll be the first to say, I need all that technology. But as Dr. Goldman (psychologist for Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim) says, ‘Don’t let it run you, you run it’.

 

We have a tremendously difficult task ahead of us, especially when technology is getting more and more enticing. The key is ‘control’. We have to control ourselves so it won’t get out of hand.

A Lesson From A Happy New Year Greeting

September 1, 2013 MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson No comments
   happy new yr

 

I had the pleasure of receiving this text before Rosh Hashanah from a friend and I would like to share it with you.

 

“10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have no jobs, no hope, and no cash, Happy new year!!” My first reaction was that of laughter and I immediately texted back to the sender, David Richter, in appreciation for making me chuckle. However, a little while later I realized it could connote a doom and gloom message that life was better then, and now it stinks. Although we definitely have something to worry about with the economy, and everybody has his or her load, there is a valid argument to be down and out. Every aspect of life has a positive and negative side; nostalgia too, is no exception. Many people who know me would tell you I’m pretty fond of the past. Although I disagree with my wife that dwelling in the past will do me no good, I feel that the past energizes oneself (as long as he had a positive past experience) and elevates every aspect of his personality. Thinking of the family one comes from, the experiences which one can learn valuable lessons and apply them to today’s times, or even thinking of good times one had with friends and loved ones, and feel WOW I was fortunate to have good times with family and friends … remembering those experiences gives a warm satiated feeling.

 

However, nostalgia can also be negative and one of the classic examples is from the book of Bamidbar. The Israelites were in the desert and were complaining to Moshe their leader ‘there is no meat’. They said ‘Why did you bring us here? We were better off in Egypt where we had meat and it was good’. Rashi (one of the main commentaries on the Torah) is in wonderment. ‘What are they talking about? First of all, Egypt was a strictly fish dietary society, no meat. Secondly, the Egyptians gave the slaves (Jews) only onions. No fish was given. Where did they get this meat?

 

One must be aware that the human psyche has a way of sugarcoating the past to an extent that one thinks he had something he never had. This is done deliberately by the evil powers to convey that the past was great, the present stinks, and this sorry person of a soul is living a miserable life resulting, most likely to depression. This is the primary goal of these evil sources.

 

Madison Avenue is aware of this. Does one remember the classic Coke ad campaign? The delicious Coke from the past, with the old looking cans, are the best.

 

What one has to realize is that there are good times and bad times in every period. One has to realize this especially now!! Today!! You might be living a wonderful part in your life and you’re too down to realize it; that would be a great shame.

 

One has to appreciate at least some of the things and people in his life because it might not or they might not be there for long.

Overview of Sefer Bereishit

September 1, 2013 Jewish Values, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson No comments
   

 

The accomplishment of finishing something is always sweet, and this week we conclude the book of Bereishit. The beauty of learning the Chumash (Bible) is that one can study the same passage when you’re in grade school and as an adult, and come out fulfilled. I remember how proud I was in finishing the book of Bereishit in early grade school and the whole class screaming the signature conclusion that one finds in any scripture ‘chazak chazak venitchazek’. The classmates would then add jokingly ‘my mother baked a chocolate cake and in the cake there was a rake’. If one had to summarize or give an underlying theme of the book of Bereishit, what would it be? Perhaps, one may say, it’s seeking the truth.

 

The first memory of this concept is Abraham who experimented in many areas in his pursuit of the truth and coming to the conclusion of a monotheistic G-d. How many of you remember this beautiful Midrash? (story from the oral Torah). On one occasion, he was given the task of watching over his father’s pagan-idol shop. When his father came back, he found all the idols broken except the biggest one, holding an ax. He asked Abraham ‘what happened?’ He replied, ‘the big one got angry at the rest and broke them all’. The father in disbelief answered back ‘their incapable’. Abraham answered if you don’t believe it’s true, why do you make them out to be powerful Gods?

 

There is a riveting storyline of truth in Parshat Vayeshev, when Yehuda was rewarded and became the leader of the Jews. This is because it was extremely tempting to lie and hide what really transpired. However, he admitted his participation in sleeping, unknowingly, with his widowed daughter-in-law. The daughter-in-law was in the right because she was legally bound to Yehuda’s family. The revelation of truth produced, through that union, the seeds of the Moshiach.

 

In the book of Bereishit, we learn how sensitive one should be when confronting issues between husband and wife. G-d teaches us that sometimes truth is meant not to be told. When good news arrived via the angels, that Abraham and Sarah will have children, Sarah had doubts ‘how can we have children, my husband is so old?’ G-d asked Abraham in a later conversation, altering what his wife said, why did Sarah say ‘how can we have kids, I’m so old?

 

Sometimes, lies and impersonations are required in order to maintain and preserve integrity in the world. Straight-laced Yaacov, the epitome of truth, had to lie and go against his character, his whole philosophy of life and impersonate his brother, Eisav, in order to get a crucial blessing from his father.

 

Apparently, right from the beginning, we find the snake putting doubt in Eve’s mind, taking advantage of the lie Adam told her, in order to seduce her. Although Adam used the lie in order to protect her from eating from the tree, it backfired.

 

It seems like the concept of truth has been in a tug of war, fighting for preservation throughout the entire book of Bereishit. The Torah teaches us when to use it and when not to. Although it’s a bit complex, perhaps the teachings of Rav Henoch Leibowitz z’l, would shed some light with this very clear message. ‘Who is a man of truth, one who recognizes the good and appreciates what G-d has done for him’. He continues, ‘ever wonder why Yehuda was able to persevere and tell the truth under extreme difficult circumstances, because when he was born, his mother named him Yehuda – in appreciation; ‘I appreciate that G-d gave me a wonderful child. She acquired the trait of appreciation and instilled it in her son, and he reciprocated and became royalty in G-d’s eyes.
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