Everyone has a favorite teacher…do you?

January 27, 2014 Jewish Values No comments
This article was constructed from the insights of Rabbi Akiva Grunblatt, Rosh Yeshiva  Chaffetz Chaim, Rabbi’s Baruch Dopelt, Yossi Bilus 

 

Each one of us had a favorite teacher who had a great deal of influence on us. Some actually had more than a few teachers over the years that fall under that “favorite” category. When we look back, with a certain fondness about them, a memorable smile breaks out.

        However, one has to ask himself, has this person actually made a difference when a crucial decision came into play? Were they there, in our conscience, when the game was on the line? Was their teaching tested and we were able to take their words of wisdom to the finish line and declare “I WON!! I PASSED THE TEST!!!”?

YOSEF THE DREAMER

In this week’s parsha, we find Yosef telling over to his brothers the dreams he had. The Torah’s description of the dreams and the reaction of Yosef’s brothers are quite puzzling.
First and foremost, to say his brothers weren’t exactly thrilled about him and his dreams would be considered a huge understatement. They were contemplating killing him as a result.
But there is a substantial lesson that can be learned from this story that is applicable in our everyday life. Let’s examine the verses more carefully and get a deeper understanding.
The first dream that Yosef had involves sheaves. Yosef tells his brothers that their sheaves gathered around and bowed down to his sheaves.
The second dream was basically the same theme; Yosef revealed to them that the sun and the moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me.
The brothers were angry and responded to the first dream by saying “Do you want to rule over us?” while there was no response from them after the second one.
The Torah states that the brothers hated him after the first dream was revealed while the scripture says the brothers were jealous after the second one.
Why was the reaction to each dream any different from the other?
What’s the difference between the two dreams?
Referring to the second dream it says “His father took it to heart”.
Why did his father take the second dream more serious?
In the first sequence about sheaves or stalks as its focal point, the scripture is hinting to a materialistic dominance. Its message, for the future, is that the brothers will depend on Yosef for their sustenance.
When someone sees his friend that’s financially more stable then he, he often questions why this is so.  “He’s not better than me. We’re the same in many ways. Perhaps that’s just plain old mazal.” However, human nature is for hatred to develop as a result.
The brothers knew that dreams for the most part are a reflection of the sub-conscience. They concluded, “This is what he’s thinking of us. He wants to be our boss”.
The brothers, though, took the second dream a bit more serious. The scenario of the sun, moon and the stars is a spiritual concept. Here, they realized that it’s not a reflection of the sub-conscience but a spiritual revelation. Therefore they were jealous of Yosef’s motivational and spiritual abilities. There is a Talmudic concept of SHTIKA KEH HODA’A – silence is a form of admittance.
Yaakov, their father, although he did not admit it, was startled by the second dream. The reason is that only Yaakov knew that in the heavens they referred to him as the sun.

It seams like the Torah is hinting that Yosef possessed certain abilities, which perhaps came through personal teachings from his father, as a gift from the heavens, or a combination of both. Apparently, life is such that the narrative will soon reveal that this gifted person will soon be tested.

In order to fully understand the magnitude of Yosef’s test, we have to examine a very interesting part of our Jewish history.

       Yeush was born in the midst of troublesome days in the land of Judea, in the year 3055 (after Creation). He became king at the age of six!! (3061).  The Jewish nation was divided into two kingdoms.  On the throne, which once belonged to King David and King Solomon, sat a ruthless and cruel queen. Her name was Athalya, the daughter of Queen Jezebel, the Phoenician princess whom the wicked King Ahab of the Northern Jewish Kingdom of the Ten Tribes had married. In an effort to bring the two Jewish kingdoms into friendlier relations, the two royal houses intermarried. The crown prince Joram, the son of King Jehoshaphat of Judea, married Athalyah the daughter of Ahab and Jezebel.

After many heavy, underhanded, dirty and deadly maneuvering, Athalyah took control of the Monarch. One of her decree’s to assure she will rule undisputedly was that she resolved that there should be no heir to the throne of Judea from the House of David. She ordered the death of all the members of the royal house of King David, and established herself as the supreme ruler of the land of Judea. She surrounded herself with friends from Phoenicia and ruled with an iron hand, spreading a reign of terror in the land.

Athalyah felt secure in her position, believing that the royal house of David was extinct. But she was wrong, for G-d had promised that the line of King David would never be broken. Ahaziah’s youngest son, whom Athalyah had believed had been murdered with the other male members of the royal family, had been saved from his bloodthirsty grandmother. He was still a baby, and his name was Yeush. He was saved by Jehosheba, a sister of King Ahaziah and the wife of the High Priest Yehoyada. Astonishingly, the one year old prince was hidden in the Bet Hamikdash, above a room by the “Kodash Hakadoshim” and brought up, secretly, by his pious and G-d fearing uncle and aunt.

For six years Athalyah ruled uncontrolled, dealing harshly with the believers in G-d. During all this time, Yehoyada, the wise and pious High Priest, nursed in his heart the secret hope for the future of his people that was centered around the last member of David’s dynasty. Yehoyada had many friends and followers, who, like himself, had remained faithful to the pure worship of G-d, and who longed for the day when the hateful Athalyah could be overthrown, and the House of David reinstated on the throne of the Holy Land.

When little Yeush was seven years old, Yehoyada decided that the time had come to liberate Judea from the unpopular foreign woman who had desecrated the throne of David.

The coup attempt was successful with no resistance whatsoever. Athalya was executed and Yeush became king. He reigned for forty years, and was one of the outstanding kings of Judea.

However, after Yehoyada died, Yeush fell under the influence of the wrong people and was led astray into a life of ease and luxury. He abandoned the pure worship of One G-d, and began to indulge in the service of the Baal. Yeush fell so low that shockingly he killed the great Prophet Zacharia, who happened to be the son of Yehoyada, the same person who saved his life, the one who had nurtured, taught and cared for him through the years!!
How can you bite the hand that feeds you?

How can Yeush fall so low after the death of his teacher?

We see a similar situation after the death of Shimi ben Gaira the teacher and mentor of the wisest man who ever lived, King Shlomo. Shlomo began to slip and make errors in judgment after his death.

We learn a valuable lesson about communication and teaching. There are basically two ways one can convey the valuable message:
LEHOROT- giving instructions
LILMOD- teaching until one stands on his/her own two feet

It’s not ideal to memorize the manual one has to understand the content.
Yosef was tested with one of the most difficult situations in the history of physical temptations. He was being seduced, unsuccessfully though, with the beautiful wife of his employer on a daily basis.

The boss’s wife, eshet Potifar, would up the ante at every occasion until it reached a boiling point where she forcefully tried to have relations with him. Yosef at the moment of truth envisioned his father, his teacher. This motivated, or I should say distracted, him from pursuing sinning with a married woman.

       Yaakov successfully taught Yosef the valuable lesson of standing on his own feet. It’s not enough to be gifted. One has to use these skills properly. This is the spiritual greatness of Yosef.

There was a huge epidemic where many Jews were killed at the time of King David because he counted the people. For this reason we have a tradition to never count individual Jews. The Sages teach us that the reason there was death and suffering was because the Temple wasn’t built during David’s time.

Why is it the people’s fault?  It was David that had blood on his hands and G-d wouldn’t allow him to build it. Why blame the people?

       The Sages say, “Granted. David wasn’t worthy. However the people were. The nation of Israel delayed the building. They should have voiced their opinion ” Why don’t we have a temple?”.and “Let’s start a petition!!” ” They should have began some grass roots. One friend persuading another and perhaps one farmer from the Galil would be responsible in starting the building process.

Rav Henoch always would say “There is permission in one not using his brains”. It’s imperative that a Jew internalizes what he learns and who knows? Perhaps one may discover a way to bring the Mashiach quicker.

       There was a college Professor who relayed a story that many years ago. There was a psychological case study of inner-city ghetto schools where they would interview 200 students. The motive of the test was to predict, through mathematical analysis, the outcome of these students. As one can expect, many of the student came from broken, one-parent homes.

The result wasn’t very promising that these students would amount to anything.

       Twenty years later, this Professor, who happened to be one of those students, was curious to know how these students turned out.

After an extensive research of tracking them down He was astonished to discover how off the mark the study was. 80% of the students were living a productive life.

The professor decided to probe deeper into how these students beat the odds. He interviewed each one and found a common denominator, which was one particular teacher that they all liked.

He was curious to meet this teacher, although twenty years latter he didn’t think she was still alive. Nevertheless after researching further he tracked her down at a particular nursing home. She was in her eighties. The professor went to visit the teacher. He asked her “What was your key to success?” She said “I tried to instill in them a sense of self. I had a motivating slogan “No matter what, you can do it”. These students and Yosef had this in common. They can honestly say that the influence their teachers had on them made a difference, especially when it counted. They can say with full assurance “”I WON!! I PASSED THE TEST!!!”

Parshat Vayishlach

January 27, 2014 Highlights on the Weekly Parsha No comments
First Portion
* DO YOU KNOW HOW TO WIN OVER YOUR ENEMY? We have our share of people who don’t exactly like us whether as individuals or as a nation. The last couple of weeks we have witnessed how easily our enemies can ignite our surroundings and put us on the edge of war. Every once in a while we get a wake up call and realize there are many who hate us. This week’s parsha is a textbook account on how to deal with our enemies. Our forefather Yaacov was informed that his brother who he hasn’t seen in over twenty years was approaching towards him with four hundred soldiers so he devised a plan on how to appease the enemy and to come out of a dangerous situation unscathed. The three point plan was prayer (some of those prayers have become the essential part of our daily services ), gifts (bribing them, resulting in their softening their stance against us) and battle (last resort).
* The sages say there are seven degrees of hate that Eisav had for his brother so for this Yaacov bowed down to his brother seven times. Each time another layer of hate was removed. Although one of the lessons to be learned is not to rely on miracles and not to trust one’s own righteousness but do whatever is in your power. One should give the utmost effort, whether it be skill, charisma, intelligence, kind words to beat your foe. However it seems like from the Sages perhaps Yaacov flattered his brother a bit too much. For the seven times he bowed down to Eisav, Yaacov’s descendents were punished with seven brutal kings that tortured our people.
* R Sampson Refael Hirsh indicates that the actions and philosophy of life of Yaacov and Eisav is reflected upon their respected desendents throughout history. Yaacov is absorbed in his concerns for the wholeness and welfare of his family. He builds himself up gradually, and finally attains internal happiness and a tranquil family life, but the political strength is always in the hands of others. Eisav, on the other hand, is already established as both a ruler and warlord of his people, as described at the end of the parsha. For thousands of years this struggle has continued between Yaacov and Eisav. Yaacov has the glorious family life, centered around Shabbat and Holidays while Eisav has the strength and power. Should the main focus and philosophy of man be the pursuit of political power? That is the question the Torah with all its mitzvot (commandments) gives us a clear answer on. The final victory will belong to the moral side and not the one with the power. This is evident by the kiss in which Eisav gives Yaacov, as it gives a hint as to what will happen in the end of days. The emotions Eisav shows indicates that deep within him beats a spark of humanity which he will concede and relinquish the sword philosophy. The scene where Eisav, the strong one, falls on the neck of Yaacov. That is a victory for justice which will be the final stage between the struggle of Yaacov and Eisav.
Second Portion
*We learn from this section it’s not wise to travel alone at night. Yaacov encountered Eisav’s angel, after he went back to retrieve a few things (pachim), whom he fought and struggled with till the morning.
*Why didn’t a dark angel confront Avraham or Yitzchak? Why just Yaacov? The reason is Yaacov represents Torah. The Satans main concern is if a Jew is learning Torah. Torah is an essential part of our being.
Third Portion
* An angel has one task, mission, then he is PATUR-accomplishes his mission; the last step, whether he succeeded or not, is singing to G-d . Interestingly, Yaacov asked the angel his name (shem) however he could not answer because one’s name is defined by the accomplishment of his mission, which he failed. SHEM (name) and SHAM (there) are from the same root. One has to go there, wherever his mission is, to accomplish one’s name. That is what a soul, NE-SHAM-MA, is all about. Whenever the Torah uses the style with SHEMO first, as in SHEMO MANOACH (his name is Manoach), the Shemo serving as the lead-in indicates this particular individual accomplished his mission. However if the name is first, followed by the SHEMO, as in NAVAL SHEMO, he did not accomplish his mission.
Fourth Portion
* The scripture say that they kissed. Our sages say that Eisav tried to bite Yaacov in the neck. Many commentaries say Eisav’s kiss was compared to a bite. This is symbolic; in future generations whenever Eisav embraces Yaacov the end result will be negativity, assimilation, etc.
Fifth Portion
* An inhabitant of Shechem rapes Yaacov’s daughter Dina. Shimon and Levi take revenge. Did Shimon and Levi act properly, deceiving the people of Shechem and killing them? It seems like a pretty severe punishment to inflict the entire city for the act of one evil person. In the scripture the Torah seems to indirectly justify what the brothers did. Yaacov, though,to an extent agreed to the circumcision part, however didn’t know the extent of what they planned and did. He figured they would grab Dina when the men were at their weakest due to the circumcision. In essence they acted with out the approval of Yaacov. Here we learn the extent of punishment provided to an accomplice. Yaacov mentions the fact that “hono” that was violated by their actions. His sons responded when one deals with swindlers one must forgo honor.
Sixth Portion
* Words are dangerous; especially ones of Tzadikim. When Lavan accused him of stealing his idols. Yaacov, out of frustration, said who ever stole the idols shall die. He was unaware that his beloved wife Rachel had done so.
Seventh Portion
* After the death of Rachel, Ruben was insulted that the main bed of Yaacov was not put in his mother’s tent. So he switched the beds himself, angering his father. However Yaacov did not respond until years later when he was was about to die and giving the brachot to each son.

Have you ever been Bullied?

January 27, 2014 G-d and Us, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson, Sensitivity To Others No comments
Advice and insights from Doctor Robert Goldman Psychologist at Yeshiva Chaffetz, Rabbi Isaac Oelbaum, excerpts  from the teachings of Rav Henoch Leibowitz, also excerpts from “The New York Times and The Miami Hearold”

Is intimidation a way of life?  Or perhaps one can say being intimidated is an initiation to life. Does the reader recall being tormented by a classmate, fellow worker, a friend, or I should say an ex-friend? Everybody has had a bully at one point in his life; it’s part of life. If he was spared the bullying throughout childhood years, the tormentor may found him in high school. Perhaps it happened in freshman year of college. How difficult was it, or perhaps still is, to show up to class, or to the office, knowing that this monster will be there, ready to pounce on you, the first opportunity it gets?

 

We learn a valuable lesson from this week’s parsha from the interaction between the Tormentor, Eisav , his descendant Amalek, and our forefather, Yaakov. But, first let’s examine a bazaar situation that occurred recently.

 

“For the entire season-and-a-half that he was with the Miami Dolphins, he attempted to befriend the same teammates who subjected him to the abuse, with the hope that doing so would end the harassment.
A puzzling question is asked:
How do you bully a 6-foot-5, 300 pound, ferocious player (starting offensive tackle) in the National Football League?

This is not the first question that should come to mind in the wake of the hazing story coming out of the  Dolphins’ locker room during the past week (hazing is the practice of rituals and other activities involving harassment, abuse or humiliation used as a way of initiating a person into a group). The proper response is to mourn the absence of civility in the N.F.L. and to demand that Richie Incognito, the player accused of bullying and threatening a teammate, Jonathan Martin, to be exiled from the league.

 

But in a league defined by its violence, where every player aspires to impose his will on opponents, how does bullying become so intense that a massive football player stands up, leaves the team and simply goes home?

 

Did Incognito, a veteran with a checkered history and a reputation as a dirty player, do this on his own? Or did he have the help and participation of teammates who went along for the ride?

 

In Miami, it was apparently a combination of the two.

 

Judging from their reactions, some of Incognito’s teammates enjoyed watching Martin being used as the butt of jokes.

 

Incognito has been suspended indefinitely by the Dolphins, accused of crossing a long-established line of rookie hazing to torment Martin. Yet Dolphins cornerback, Will Davis, said to reporters earlier this week of Incognito: “He’s a funny guy. Everybody loves him.”

 

Wide receiver Mike Wallace was more effusive.

 

“I love Richie,” he said. “I think he’s a great guy. He’s an intense guy. Everybody knows that. I think he was just being Richie.

 

“I love playing with Richie. I wish he was here right now.”

As if the N.F.L. didn’t have enough headaches on and off the field between concussions, drug testing, and crime, now the commissioner has to deal with bullying in the locker room.

 

I’ve been in plenty of locker rooms, from grammar school through high school and college, and things can be raunchy. There is a lot of name-calling.

 

By the time the players reach the N.F.L., a billion-dollar business played by millionaires, one would hope, they have flushed this out of their systems.

 

Clearly, that is not the case. Though on teams with great leadership, locker-room tensions don’t usually reach the commissioner’s office. Now that these have, Roger Goodell, must deal with Incognito. A lifetime ban would be too harsh. But a suspension, possibly for the rest of the season, even if the Dolphins were inclined to bring Incognito back, which they do not seem to be, seems fair. That, and a stern message to the players that the days of hazing young players, everything from making rookies pay for dinner to carrying veterans’ bags, are over.

 

My concern for Martin is how this will mark him for the rest of his career. Many are paying lip service to how terribly he has been treated, but in locker rooms and team offices, and not just in Miami, there may always be whispers that Martin is “soft.”

 

The N.F.L. is not the Boy Scouts. Professional football is not an ordinary workplace. In a world where most fans make their livings, corporations would look at Incognito’s resumé and run the other way. In the N.F.L., personnel directors might look at Incognito, crude, troubled and violent, but also a former Pro Bowler, and say, “He’s our kind of guy.”

 

As for Martin, at another time and in a different context, he would be lauded for refusing to be provoked. He obeyed the biblical decree to turn the other cheek, that “if someone hits you on the side of your face, let him hit the other side too.”

 

It’s a wonderful sentiment. But the N.F.L. has its own bible, and that passage isn’t in it.

It seems like a 300 pound football player is having a difficult time in his working environment. How do we fair in our workplace?

 

       I asked our good doctor, whom always provides us with his intuitive insights, Dr. Robert Goldman, Psychologist of Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim, about the subject of bullying. He said “There are people who enjoy making others squirm. They love playing the dictator role; “I’m in command  and you are nothing” “.
       Lets explore the behavior of kids for instance. The nicest children can become the biggest bullies as a result of their insecurities. They want to be leaders at the expense of putting down others. These bullies pick on children that they know can not stand up for themselves; they pick on individuals that have no self confidence. They rally others against the victim feeling good that they were the ones who controlled the momentum, the situation and emotions of others. “Teachers”, he continues, “make a big mistake in telling the victim to come to them when someone bullies them. This in flames the tormentor even more. Although the teachers are in control of the class, they, for the most part, are not present at recess and after school. It leaves the victim hung out to dry”. The doctor continues with a grin “What the victim should do is fight back!! He should punch them in the mouth. When the tormentor see’s that there is opposition; the victim is standing up for themselves; when he sees that there are strong consequences, he’ll say “it doesn’t pay to bully again, at least for this victim.”

       “One of the classic memorable  episodes of the science fiction series Star trek where one of the characters, unknowingly, is able to bring back people from his past. “Be careful what you think” . This someone happened to be his biggest tormentor when he was a youth at the academy.”
       On two occasions in high school, I got into a fight with bullies and they never bothered me again. They were surprised I stood up for myself and one was even more surprised that I hit him in the eye with a right hook. When I responded to his request of “lets fight” with a yes, he was surprised as the room was beginning to get filled to see the fight. Nevertheless fighting should be a last resort, as we will soon learn.

How can you fight back against the non-Jews, especially when some of them are so powerful?

In many cultures we the Jews had our share of anti-Semitism. There is a common misconception that this time we’ll show some muscle. We have our slogan “Never again”. Yada yada yada. However, winning battles against the enemy was not done with our physical strength. The Jew fights back with his intellect; we have to be clever. The good doctor gives an example of  an anti-semite and someone who was more or less neutral, were running for office in a Polish town, many years ago. The Jews saw that they didn’t have enough votes to beat out the anti-Semite so they decided to give money to the anti-Semite. Basically they supported the Jew-hater. After the election the anti-Semite, who happened to win the election, was very supportive of the Jewish cause. What transpired was that the Jews learned from their history, particularly this week’s parsha, and how Yaakov, our forefather, had a 3 step plan – 1) flattery and bribes, 2)prayer and, as a last resort, 3)war. The flattery and bribe worked.
       Amalek, which is Eisav’s decedents, have been known to be our biggest bullies over the course of history. They have always had an intense hatred, manifested by their ferocious cruelty towards us. However, besides the incident in this week’s parsha, where Eisav comes with 400 solders, not with the intent to just bully Yaakov, but to kill him outright, one can say, through their previous dialogue, there was no trace of bullying. As a matter of fact they left each other in peace.
       What, then, transpired that they became public enemy #1?
       In order to understand why Eisav’s descendants turned out to be such monsters, we have to explore one of the dramatic moments in the Torah; the moment when Yosef revealed to his brothers that he was indeed their long lost brother, whom they sold. At the moment of his announcement they felt a terrible sense of embarrassment. What were they embarrassed about?  We assumed because they sold him as a slave. Not quite, the brothers were ashamed of their cruelty that they expressed when he was pleading with them to take him out of the dangerous pit. They heard his cry but showed no mercy. Instead, the brothers sat down and had a meal. At their moment of remorse they were afraid that they would lose their status as G-d representatives. ACHZARUT, cruelty, breeds cruelty. The brothers were concerned how they were desensitized to the situation at hand.
       We each have in our DNA a repertoire of character traits that are ready to sprout up, weather positive or negative. When that particular trait finally emerges, it can mutate and, in time, be a significant part of our personality. Therefore the child who bullies is susceptible to intensifying the character trait of cruelty. This trait can pass down to one’s descendants.
       Eisav’s eternal hate towards his brother manifested itself and intensified in his descendants. When the exhausted and displaced Israelite nation passed through the splitting of the see and into the dessert, Amalek were the first to greet them with an army ready for war. One can see the cruel intensity by the designed timing of there attack.
       We must be aware of the magnitude of the consequences of the bully and the victim. When children are involved in this action, one has to realize that the intimidator is starting his career, while the victim might incur scars for life.
PUTTING THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE  INTIMIDATOR/VICTIM
       Mazal is Mazal; some are born with making money and it’s quite easy for them. Others have to resort to extensive, deeply concentrated, tearful prayers in order for Hakadosh Baruch Hu to budge and throw them a bone or two, if they’re lucky!!
       Such was the case of a very poor shoe maker, Shmuel, who’s mazal drastically changed when his long lost cousin died. (I often ask myself, why don’t I have these long lost cousins?) Shmuel inherited his fortune and within days his friends and family began to treat him differently. They offered him a closer seat to the bima in shul, where eventually, he became the president. Shmuel moved to a nicer block and a bigger house. People made sure to say hello to him in the street.
       There is one thing that Shmuel dreamed of more than anything in the world and that is he wanted his daughter to marry the Rabbi’s son. Shmuel began to use many of his contacts and resources to make that dream possible. One day, one of the matchmakers calls Shmuel and tells him that the Rabbi’s family agreed and are interested in his daughter. It seemed Shmuel was more excited than the girl, waiting anxiously after their dates and asking how it went. One day, the daughter comes home excited and said he proposed!!
       At the wedding, Shmuel was gleaming from ear to ear as the chupah started. However, not all the guests were happy for Shmuel. His old shoemaker buddies were jealous. When Shmuel, the kallah’s father, was called to recite one of the sheva brachot, one of his old jealous friends just couldn’t take it anymore. He gets up, takes off his shoe, and screams out “Hey, Shmuel the shoemaker, my shoe tore. Can you fix it?” Everybody in the hall was silent. Shmuel was so embarrassed and humiliated that he fainted. “Quick, someone call Hatzalah!” someone yelled out. Unfortunately, there was nothing anybody could do for poor Shmuel. He had a massive heart attack and died.
       One can say, in the heavens, his jealous friend would be accountable for Shmuel’s death. However, there is someone who is more responsible. That is Shmuel himself. One has to realize Shmuel should not have been embarrassed. G-d gave him the money. If he would have faith in G-d, he would realize G-d runs the world. He should have felt fortunate that G-d transformed him from a poor shoemaker to accumulating nice wealth. It wasn’t he who earned it. Once an individual begins to believe I made the money, the inflated ego sets in and he’s bound to get hurt and humiliated and fail the test.
       Everyone in life is faced with a tormentor. Some of us encounter them at every juncture of our lives. One has to know how to deal with them and realize its not the arrow but the shooter; its not the tormentor but G-d who’s testing us.

Appreciating What One Does for You

January 20, 2014 Hakarat Hatov, Jewish Values, Tzniut- Modesty No comments
            The King of the Jewish nation, Shaul, felt threatened by David who became very popular by winning one of the most lop-sided one-on-one battles in history, by beating the giant and heavily favorite, the ferocious Goliath. Goliath represented one of Israel’s archrivals, the Philistines. It was a tremendous show of courage and David became an instant hero. David was from the tribe of Yehuda where the kings were to be chosen from. Shaul, who came from the tribe of Benjamin, knew inevitably someone from Yehuda would become king. Later the prophet Shmuel anointed David the future king of Israel, which infuriated the present king. Shaul’s animosity became so great toward David that he wanted to kill him. However, as time went on, David became stronger, gathering up men to join him. In one of the more famous incidences in the Tanach (Prophets), David snuck up to where Shaul was sleeping, who was in the midst of chasing him, and cut Shaul’s garment. By demonstrating this act and showing it to him later, he wanted to be clear, as to convey that he has no hostility toward Shaul and how easily it would have been to kill him.’ I have no ill will toward you’; perhaps, Shaul should soften his stance towards him.
       It’s most puzzling that when David who was on his deathbed, he could not keep warm; he was constantly cold and no garment could make him comfortable. Apparently, he was being punished for cutting the garment of Shaul. But why? David wanted to make a point of strength; he wanted to make peace between them. Perhaps Shaul was humiliated, but, even so, it was not intended to be a malice act. Why was he punished so severely?
        In this week’s Parsha, we find Yaacov wanting to marry Rachel. He knew though, that her father, who has a reputation of a cheat, might trick him. Therefore, he gives Rachel signs that when implemented will ensure that indeed it would be Rachel he’s marrying. However, Rachel gives over the signs to her sister Leah, stating ‘I do not want my sister humiliated when Lavan’s plans foil and Yaacov discovers it’s Leah who he’s marrying and not me’.
       By Rachel giving over the signs, it fortified the marriage between Yaacov and Leah and through that union producing six out of the twelve tribes. In essence, Rachel sacrificed her having all of the twelve tribes because she did not want her sister Leah to be humiliated.
        The question Rabbi Olbaum asks, ‘I understand there’s no street lights and it’s properly pitch dark, but didn’t Yaacov realize it’s not Rachel he’s with? Even the breathing of a person is recognizable. If Yaacov was so careful with the signs, then wouldn’t he be as diligent and on the alert at this crucial juncture too? Nevertheless, the next morning he was surprised. How can that be?
       Our sages teach us that Rachel’s virtue was modesty, to such an extent that the sensitive Yaacov wasn’t able to discover and recognize her scent and voice. This characteristic of Rachel’s embracement of modesty enabled Leah to be saved. If it were any other woman, she would have been discovered. Clothing is the face of modesty; it creates a barrier from sinning. David, who is the descendant of Leah (from the tribe of Yehuda) cut the garment of Shaul (from the descendants of Rachel).
       In essence, you cut the hand that feeds you. If it weren’t for Rachel, where would Leah be? The modesty of Rachel saved Leah. David targeted one of the strengths of Shaul who also practiced, and was known for modesty, just like his ancestor. Seemingly, this lack of respect was a grave sin.
       We see modesty is one of the building blocks of Judaism and clothing is its vehicle. One of the reasons a Jew wears a Talit or Tzitzit is because it is a spiritual garment in which G-d gave us. It too is a garment that represents the foundation of Judaism to the highest degree.

Real Unity

January 20, 2014 Achdut- Unity, Jewish Values, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson No comments

 

       How many of you remember the famous Coca-Cola commercial of many years ago? “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing (in Perfect Harmony)” is a popular song which originated as the jingle “Buy the World a Coke”[1] in the groundbreaking 1971 “Hilltop” television commercial for Coca-Cola. “Buy the World a Coke” portrayed a positive message of hope, unity and love. “Buy the World a Coke” repeated “It’s the real thing” as Coca-Cola’s marketing theme at the time. The commercial touched a lot of hearts…

       It first aired in July 1971, featured a multicultural group of young people lip syncing the song on a hill outside Rome, Italy. The global unity of the singers is emphasized by showing that the bottles of Coke they are holding are labeled in a variety of languages. It became so popular that it was recorded by a number of recording artists and it  became a big hit.
The television ad “I’d Like to Buy the World a Coke” was released first in Europe, where it garnered only a tepid response. It was then released in the U.S. in July, 1971, and the response was immediate and dramatic. By November of that year, Coca-Cola and its bottlers had received more than a hundred thousand letters about the ad. At that time the demand for the song was so great that many people were calling radio stations and asking them to play the commercial. Clearly, “I’d Like to Buy the World a Coke” had struck a chord deeper than the normal response to the advertisement of a commercial product.
       “I’d Like to Buy the World a Coke” has had a lasting connection with the viewing public. Advertising surveys consistently identify it as one of the best commercials of all time, and the sheet music continues to sell more than thirty years after the song was written. It had put Coca Cola which was already a head of its class in soft drinks to a astronomical mega giant cash machine
JERUSALEM – THE UNITED CITY 
       The Coca Cola commercial expressed worldwide unity. This is an important issue in Judaism. Is the unity expressed in the commercial true unity?
       Every one of us has a connection to the land of Israel. When we do go to the holy land, it’s pretty much a given – a visit to Jerusalem is expected. One feels spiritually uplifted, especially when visiting the KOTEL.
This week, Yaakov, our forefather has the “famous dream”. He camps out in this PLACE. The famous place is where the Temple mount stands, today. Yaakov takes twelve little stones and surrounds them around himself as he’s about to go to sleep. When he gets up the next morning, the twelve stones have become one. According to the Zohar this stone became the foundation where the world stands and it runs deep inside the earth under the Temple mount.
       As we mentioned last week, the most underlying deception throughout the whole of existence is actually G-d deceiving us humans by hiding His presence from us! Therefore if one wants to acquire knowledge, Torah knowledge that is, we has to follow certain guidelines. The Torah has many secrets and we have to use certain tools to derive the vital messages that are essential for our survival.
       Our TORAH HAKEDOSHA can be understood on many levels. One level is using “the same word” method. There were evil people in the time of Avraham, who build a tower, so they can climb way up and destroy G-d. Although their intentions were bad, the fact that they were united – they were not destroyed! However, even though G-d loves unity, it was for the wrong reasons and any unity for the wrong reasons doesn’t last!
       The scripture describes the tower in Parshat Noach by stating: ” VE ROSHO BA SHAMAYIM- its head is in the sky”. In this week’s parsha when Yaakov dreams, he dreams of a ladder and its head reaches the sky – VE ROSHO (there’s that word again) MAGIYA SHAMAYMA.
       The Sages learn from it that there are two unities: one ROSHO – for evil and one ROSHO – for G-d. This spot, where the Temple mount is located and where the first and second stood, and where the future third Temple will stand. As long as the Jews are united for the right reasons, the Temple will be built. The twelve stones represent the twelve tribes of Israel united, fused together by one central being, G-d. This place -MAKOM – the temple is a representation of unity and peace. There was never any metal allowed to enter into the Temple because metal represents war. Our Shabbat table in many ways represents an altar that was an important vehicle in the temple. Many communities have the tradition to take the metal knives off the table when the grace after meal is recited. We do this to show a sign of peace, a sign of unity.
       The famous story of Iyov sheds some light on the characters of the Tower of Bavel and true unity.
       We learn that when Iyov (Job) was having all his troubles his so-called friends came to console him. However they began to converse with him. Their mouth was filled with criticism. “This happened because you probably didn’t do this or do that.
       We learn from our Sages one cannot rebuke someone when he’s in pain. For example “You see I told you so”
       Iyov retorted back, your friendships are like those of the generation of the flood. What did he mean by that?
       Apparently they didn’t care for each other . The tower people were company men; they were corporate machines. They were all for the company and they worked well together. When a brick fell by accident they  looked down in regret and said “there goes an important piece”. However when a fellow comrade fell, it meant nothing to them.  The person is not as important as the operation/ project.
       Interestingly when Yitzchak was about to get slaughtered on the altar. The Midrash says there was twelve stones surrounding him, however they didn’t merge. Yitzchak and our forefather Avraham were arguably performing the greatest act of self-sacrifice for the sake of G-d and did not merit that the rocks would merge. Only Yaacov merited such lofty hights . It was Yaacov who was fresh out from the teaching of Torah, who was known for his EMET that enabled him to carry unity.
       The united city doesn’t mean being united with other countries. It’s a place where all the Jews are supposed to be united. The ingredient for a lasting unity is realizing and learning G-ds masterpiece, The Torah. Then, when we are unified we will be allowed to build the Temple and live there in peace! May we see the rebuilding of the Third Temple in our times very soon!

Battling the Devastation of Sandy

January 20, 2014 Chessed/ Acts of Kindness No comments
       Hurricane Sandy has affected our communities tremendously. For the most part, the disposition is very hard for one to face. A home is something sacred, a place to relax because of the familiar surroundings after all, we are creatures of habit. Does one remember how Fred Flintstone use to come home and relax, the paper on his left and Dino on his right?
       This is quite difficult to write about because of the sensitivity involved. Never-the-less there is one concept which I think might help us cope with this disaster.
       Rav Gedalya Shorr writes in Or Gedalyahu about Avraham, who was extraordinarily proficient in CHESED kindness; he was a pioneer. Rav Gedalya writes that he imprinted in the genealogy this tremendous character of CHESSED in which every Jew that had come out from our great father Avraham, has. From then on, it’s built in us. The “super-duper we would love for you come to my house for Shabbat” was transformed through the Y chromosomes.
        There are many characteristic traits from our ancestors that our super imposed on us. One important one is found in the book of Bamidbar. Interestingly the scripture says that they traveled from place to place in the dessert. They would follow the cloud of glory at any given moment. Without warning the cloud would start to move; it didn’t matter if it was two months, two weeks or two days. The Israelites would get up and go. Rabbi Olbaum qoutes his sources’ saying that what’s astonishing is that they never complained. They possessed a tremendous virtue of dealing with the travel and disposition, considering there was no warning given. Those Jews, our ancestors were considered the generation of knowledge. It takes tremendous fate to maintain your composure during the disposition travel period and they were able to preserver.
       I’m sure we have that installed in our genes. I guess now is the time for that gene to sprout.

Emet-The Truth

January 20, 2014 G-d and Us, Jewish Values, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson No comments
 
This article was constructed with the help of Rabbis Baruch Dopelt, Mayer Glasser, Yossi Bilus and Dr. Robert Goldman, and excerpts from the writing of Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz

One meets a variety of characters throughout one’s lifetime. In this week’s parsha, Toldot, the topic of EMET, truth, is presented. Every time we read this portion, I am reminded of one individual I knew in the jewelry business. He is an energetic fellow who knew how to make a buck, however he would always use this sacred word, EMET, very loosely. Some of the typical expressions he would say are:

” I bought the gem stones at a high price, EMET. I cannot sell you at a lower one; I will lose money!” “Those are the merchandise that my customer is looking for however the price is way too high. EMET. It’s not very competitive.” Or, with a chuckle he would sneer and say  “How can you have purchased it at that amount?  I can get it from others cheaper, EMET. Do you, seriously, want to make the sale?”

“EMET, I will pay you in 30 days ”

 

Does this guy sound familiar?
Regarding this fellow, we can apply the old expression: It is always good policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar, EMET!! 

Interestingly enough, we learn many lessons about the truth from our holy Torah. Here are some points that it would be wise to take notice of:

The Sages say, King Shlomo was the smartest man that ever lived and the most famous incident that everybody always points out is the case with the two prostitutes and the baby:

“16) Now two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him. 17)One of them said, “Pardon me, my lord. This woman and I live in the same house, and I had a baby while she was there with me. 18) The third day after my child was born, this woman also had a baby. We were alone; there was no one in the house but the two of us.
19) “During the night this woman’s son died because she lay on him. 20) So she got up in the middle of the night and took my son from my side while I your servant was asleep. She put him by her breast and put her dead son by my breast. 21) The next morning, I got up to nurse my son-and he was dead! But when I looked at him closely in the morning light, I saw that it wasn’t the son I had borne.”
22) The other woman said, “No! The living one is my son; the dead one is yours.”
But the first one insisted, “No! The dead one is yours; the living one is mine.” And so they argued before the king.
23) The king said, “This one says, ‘My son is alive and your son is dead,’ while that one says, ‘No! Your son is dead and mine is alive.'”
24) Then the king said, “Bring me a sword.” So they brought a sword for the king. 25) He then gave an order: “Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other.”
26) The woman whose son was alive was deeply moved out of love for her son and said to the king, “Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don’t kill him!”
But the other said, “Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!”
27) Then the king gave his ruling: “Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother.”

 
Perhaps a mother has more mercy for her own child, however……

Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz asks “One does not need to be a rocket scientist to figure out who the mother was in the King Shlomo/prostitute case. What was the clue’s that Shlomo saw that gave it away?”

 

Shlomo was a master in human nature. There is a concept in the Torah, AVEIRA GORERET AVEIRA, one sin leads to more sins. What typically happens, at times, for the most part, is that one follows the first sins with more severe sins.

 

This woman did not tell the truth and now she is ready to commit murder. Shlomo foresaw that. Rav Chaim rationalized that perhaps the other woman(not the mother) could have had mercy on the child as well. Or perhaps the woman was a good actress and played the sympathy part very well. The fact that the woman agreed to murder the child implicates her; it brings “not telling the truth” to the surface.

The Gemara asks a question on verse 27.  Why did Shlomo say “give the baby to the first mother” as the opening to his verdict? Why didn’t he emphatically proclaim right away that “AHH!! SHE IS HIS MOTHER!” instead?
Why didn’t he commit?
In fact the Sages say the last statement “she is the mother” was not Shlomo’s but a heavenly voice proclaiming that indeed she is the mother.
A valuable lesson is learned about the EMET, truth:
Unless you are 100% sure, one cannot state it as fact. Shlomo, with all his wisdom, was perhaps 99% sure. However, he was not there at the scene. Shlomo was very careful about EMET and all its implications because he knows EMET is a rare commodity. One cannot jump to conclusions. If someone is in a position as a judge, he should answer “I believe it’s like this”, but he cannot state it as fact. King Shlomo was careful with the truth, especially since he was a leader. It’s very different today. If you ever inject the truth into politics, you’ll have no politics.

 

 

IN THE BEGINNING…..

 

I know it’s hard remembering childhood but let’s take kids, for instance. Before they learn the art of deception from “seasoned” adults, children simply do not know how to lie. The reason is because they do not live in a contrast universe. For children, everything is perfectly consistent. What you see is what you get. However, once we accept the “fact” that people lie, we become liars ourselves, and then we never turn back.

 

 WHY DO HUMANS LIE?

 

The most underlying deception throughout the whole of existence is actually G-d deceiving us humans by hiding His presence from us! The rest, as they say, is history. Once matter is disconnected from spirit, and form from function, once we are disconnected from our inner selves, we are living a “lie.” When we do not perceive the force that gives us life, the very purpose of our being, we have the ability to lie to ourselves and to others. When we don’t feel that we are all part of one unit, we are able to hurt ourselves and others.

 

However there are those that have a natural instinct to gravitate towards truth; they do feel connected to the source; they are gifted. These individual might be spiritual but are they able to function well in society. But, how are they able to live among the deceivers?

 

IS IT WISE TO BE SO TRUTHFULL?

 

Sometimes we see so clearly that G-d has a sense of humor. It’s funny. Many of us are faced with frustrating challenges in life. If one observes in this and last week’s parshiot, one can detect that our forefather Yaakov encounters situations that are totally opposite of his character. One can see clearly that it’s not us but G-d that runs the world!

 

We learn in Tractate Makot (24:71): “The world stands on eleven important principles” and the Gemara derives this from Psalms (16). One of the principles is “he pursues truth”, referring to Yaakov. He was not accustomed to lie and we see that from the words he uttered to his mother, out of fear, “Maybe father will feel me” and realize “I’m not Eisav”. Yaakov was put in a situation that he had to lie and say “I’m Eisav”. Rivka through divine sensory knew that Yaakov was the one that should receive the blessing. His mother coached him on what to say. “Son, don’t mention G-d when you address you father. Eisav doesn’t do that and we have to be convincing”. Well, guess what? Yaakov uttered G-d’s name when he entered his father’s tent, when asked by his father “How were you able to come here from hunting so fast?” Yaakov replied: “Because G-d arranged it for me”. It seems like he couldn’t stick with the script – too honest!  We see later, Yaakov, this wet behind the ears, honest-to-goodness, Yeshiva boy becomes the son-in-law to the biggest liar, cheater and swindler that ever lived, not to mention he was constantly being lied to.

 

Rav Eliyahu Dessler has a beautiful explanation on what EMET really is. We were always led to believe that truth is describing events accurately, while SHEKER, falsehood, is exaggeration of the event. Mind you, that is just a simplistic definition. However, we know that sometimes truth is better not to be revealed. For instance, saying negative things about a friend, even though it’s true may not be the best way to go about things.  It has no constructive purpose. That’s Lashon Hara! At times it’s better to alter the truth then to tell it as it is, otherwise people will get hurt. So we see, if the truth will not help, but, on the contrary, hurt, it’s prohibited.

 

We also see if one lies to help and progress the world, this falsehood eventually turns to EMET. A good example of this is when G-d altered the words of Sarah when addressing Avraham. G-d stated her words to be that “she is too old to bear children” instead of what Sarah actually said which was “My husband is too old”. This was done in order to preserve Shalom Bayit, peace between the husband and wife. We find that altering the truth which eventually brings good is what G-d wants.

 

 

Juggling traits

 

Dr. Robert Goldman, Psycologist at Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim says it’s easier to fight a bad characteristic trait then to set limits on a good trait. Two cases in point are our forefather Avraham and King David. Both had the tremendous characteristic of mercy but, nevertheless had difficulty in sufficiently infusing strictness on some of their children. This was particularly true in regards to Avram’s oldest son Yishmael and David’s children Avshalom and Adoniyahu.

 

Yaakov had to contain his characteristic trait of pursuing truth in order to receive the bracha. This was a very difficult task. The initiation of Yaakov to the world of deception, which was against his nature, apparently helped him later on in life in dealing with his father-in-law, Lavan.

 

Our daily prayer, EMET, and its significance

 

In the morning prayers, Shacharit, we say after Shema, Emet V’Yatziv which starts with the word Emet and then 15 consecutive words beginning with the letter Vuv.  The word Emet itself is Vuv because G-d’s seal is truth and the letter He seals with is Vuv. As we learned in previous newsletters, the number 15 represents completion. The Pesach Seder has 15 steps and King David’s Psalms has 15 shir hashirim. By having EMET, truth, enwrapped with the 15 words which correspond to completion. One is therefore shalem, complete, once all 15 have been stated. Evidence of this concept of completion can also be found in the word EMET, which has 3 letter;  ALEF-the first letter of the alef bet, a TAF-the last letter of the alef bet, and a MEM, in the middle, which is the middle letter of the alef bet. All the letters are symbolic to the whole world which the three letters of EMET come to indicate.

 

A sinner who was also a robber asked a wise man for advice on how to repent. He felt he could not take on all of the commandments, so he asked the wise man for an easier way. The wise man suggested that he take on one commandment but do it properly. The robber agreed. The wise man said to take upon himself to always tell the truth. After a time, the robber’s resolve weakened, and he set off to rob someone. On the way he met an acquaintance who asked where he was going. Remembering that he took on to always tell the truth, he told him. Then, the same thing happened again. Right away he thought, those two will be witnesses and get me killed! Because of this, he restrained himself and never stole again. (Sanhedrin 92 and the Maharsha)

 

Truth is complex. We were brought up with a very simplified expression: To tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. However, one has to know when to say it and when to be deceitful for the sake of the truth. When Yaakov met his future wife Rachel, she was puzzled when he drew up a plan to counter attack Lavan, his future father-in-law. He said “when dealing with an untruthful person, one has to be equally deceitful. EMET dictates when to use it.

 

From the day we lose our innocence, we are desperate to rediscover it. Innocence, childhood, truth, spontaneity, enchantment, seamlessness – these are attributes we adults seek out all our lives. We should continue to seek them, especially truth and innocence, reach for them and work to perfect them so we can complete the EMET of our lives and the world around us.

The Art of Adapting to New Times

October 27, 2013 MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson No comments
Taken from the discourse of Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz, also contributing Rabbi Yossi Bilus
There are many lessons one can learn from the famous story of Choni Ha’magal however there is one very important teaching in particular which stands out in connection to this week’s parsha, Chayeh Sarah.
Firstly, what’s the story of Choni?
          We all heard of “Rip Van Winkle”. It’s a fictional tale by the American author Washington Irving published in 1819. I guess one can consider the short story as part of classic American literature. As a matter of fact, there have been many similar stories in history from other countries and cultures. I guess there is something irresistible about taking long naps for an extended period that has the reader curious. However they’re all revised copies of the ancient Jewish story about Choni Ha’magal found in the Talmud (Ta’anit 23A).
          Even popular kids cartoon characters like Fred Flintstone, Mr. Magoo, Bugs Bunny and many others all had their episodes of falling into a lengthy sleep, based on the story of Rip Van Winkle, or more accurately, Choni Ha’magal. That’s how popular the story is. Reading the passage in the Gemara for the first time one can not help but to think of times of youth and having seen a similar script by Hanna Barbara Productions or throughout Loony tunes.

A Little Background
Choni Ha’magal (the circle-maker) was given this nickname due to another incident in his life, in which he pleaded with God to bring rain. He drew a circle around his feet and exclaimed that he was not going to leave the circle until G-d brought rain. It rained! Clearly, Choni was a great scholar.
          The prophet Jeremiah (Jeremiah 29:10) promised, “The Lord says, ‘After seventy years for Babylon have been completed, I will remember you, and I will fulfill for you, My favorite, a promise to return you to this place.’ ” The Babylonian exile lasted for seventy years, during which time the Jewish people were living in a foreign land and were subservient to their hosts.
Text 1 – Babylonian Talmud Ta’anit 23b

His whole life he pondered the verse, (Psalms 126:1)
 “A song of ascent, when God returns us to Zion, we were like dreamers.”
          Can someone sleep for seventy years?
          One day he (Choni) was walking along the road when he came across a man who was planting a carob tree. He asked him, “These Carob trees, how long does it take them to producefruit?””Seventy years,” replied the man.
          “Are you so certain that you are going to live for another seventy years?”
          “I found this world with carob trees growing in it; in the same way that my
ancestors planted for me, so will I plant for my children.”
          Choni fell asleep, and slept for seventy years. When he woke up he saw a man gathering carobs from the tree. “Are you the man who planted this tree? he (Choni) asked.
“I am his grandson.” “I must have slept for seventy years,” said Choni to himself. He saw that his donkey had given birth to a whole herd of donkeys. Choni went to his house. “Is Choni’s son here?” he asked. “His son is no longer alive, but his grandson is here,” they replied to him. “I am Choni Ha’magal” he told them. They did not believe him.
          He went to the Beit Midrash (study hall) and he heard the Rabbis say, “Things are so clear today, like in the days of Choni Ha’magal, that every question that the Rabbis had, he knew the answer to it.”
           “I am he,” said Choni. The Rabbis did not believe him and they did not respect him even though his knowledge of Torah was great. He said if I don’t have a companion in expressing myself, it’s not worth to live.
          He was weakened and he asked God to have mercy on him, and he died.
There are many questions on this Gemara however let’s focus on Choni’s mental well being throughout the whole episode.
          Choni was transported to the future. He was not recognized but he was remembered, fondly, as a historical figure. Everybody immediately recognized the name Choni and revered it. However, they did not connect nor believe that the man in front of them was in fact Choni. This happened both in his home and in the study hall.
          We see from here that Choni had a past (people knew his name) and he had a future (he had grandchildren and his name lived on in his scholarly teachings), however – he had no present! He could not connect; he could not adapt to the present in which he was placed.
          The adapting mechanism in him did not work and it led to his demise.

          Why didn’t it work?
Many of these aspects are comparisons about life. Perhaps one should put this also on the list:
One can compare life to sitting in a moving vehicle as he sees the places, neighborhoods and people pass him by. He remembers where he began and he knows his destination. The mind registers and adapts to the journey as he gets closer and closer to the end.

          In life, one must learn to adapt to a situation, whether it be work, school, marriage, birth, death, diet, or any relationships with others or one’s self. No matter how harsh living conditions may be, no matter how difficult the environment, no matter how irritating or obnoxious the person, a human being is able to adapt and survive. But, we shall shortly learn from the teaching of Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz, that there is an important ingredient, which should be infused in the process of adapting, in order for it to be successful.

          I t is this message, which will clarify for us the difference between Abraham’s reaction to G-d’s command to bring his son Yitzchak as a sacrifice, as opposed to that of his wife Sarah. Abraham was eager to fulfill G-d’s command. Sarah, on the other hand, when she heard what had transpired, could not bear the news, and died instantly. How can two great people have reacted so differently to the same event? What makes this question even more puzzling, was that Sarah was on a higher level then her husband in prophecy.

          The answer is that Abraham was made aware in a gradual manner that Yitzchak was to be brought as a sacrifice, thus allowing his feelings and emotions to adapt to the challenge awaiting him. G-d told him ‘Take your son’ then ‘your only son whom you love’. Only then did he inform him that Yitzchak was to be sacrificed. So maybe, if Abraham had been confronted suddenly that it was Yitzchak who was to be sacrificed, he would not have survived. It was the gradual realization of this fact that made it easier for him to digest this. He was therefore able to perform G-d’s command. Such was not the case with Sarah who was suddenly overwhelmed by the realization of what had happened and died from the shock.

          Another example of how delicate and gradual one must be, is G-d’s reaction after Adam sinned by eating from the tree of knowledge. G-d appeared close to Adam and asked ‘Where are you?’ G-d knew where Adam was, but He wanted to confront him in a manner that he would not be startled. The guilt of his sin was overwhelming; any sudden confrontation would have emotionally destroyed Adam.
          Let’s not forget Serach bat Asher, the granddaughter of our father Yaacov, who played the harp singing ‘Yosef (his favorite son who was presumed dead for 22 years) is still alive and living in Egypt’. The overwhelming sudden joy would have been proven too much and might have killed him. Serach presented it in a delicate, clever, gradual way in which Yaacov was able to comprehend without the shocking affect.
          The Gemarah (Sotah13a) states that soon after Yaacov’s death, seventeen years later, when Yaacov’s sons were taking his body to the Cave of Machpela for burial, a confrontation took place between his sons and his evil brother Eisav. Eisav came and protested that the plot of land (Cave of Machpela) belonged to him. A debate ensued and it was decided that one of the brothers would return to Egypt and retrieve the deed to show that Yaacov indeed owned the property.

          A deaf grandson Chushim (son of Naftali) wondered, why the cause of the delay? When they communicated with him, he exclaimed ‘What? Our grandfather will lie in degradation until the deed is brought?’ whereupon he immediately killed Eisav.

          Why was Chushim, a grandson, more concerned about Yaacov’s honor than Yaacov’s own sons? Rav Chaim answers, all the brothers had been slowly drawn into the argument with Eisav, gradually dulling their sensitivity to their father’s shame. Chushim, being deaf, was completely unaware of the situation. When he realized the reason for the delay, he could not contain his anger and killed Eisav.
          At times, yours truly likes to compare the different periods of my life. I was in the front porch of my house, one Sunday afternoon and saw my neighbors and their kids playing with mine. I couldn’t help but to compare the cast of characters in my life now and when I was a child or as a teenager. For the most part, with a few exceptions I’m surrounded with new people. Some are not with us anymore and others are scattered all over the world. If I didn’t have the transitional memories in between the two times of my life, I would feel as if those periods in my life never occurred.
            I once spoke to my cousin in Israel on the phone as I was walking in my current neighborhood in Queens. I had very little contact with this cousin since childhood but for a brief couple of seconds, listening to his voice, I thought I was back in Israel on my summer vacations as a child. The transformation was exhilarating!!

One has to be aware of the delicate nature of man. He has to approach situations gradually. Furthermore, man must be aware and use his most powerful tool, that of speech, properly by delivering news, whether good or bad, gradually. This will allow those listening to be able to hear and giving them a chance to adapt and tolerate what they are being told..

          Even when one gets up in the morning, one needs time before getting out of bed. Even the Sages agree. There was a study taken where the body and mind need about 12 seconds to adapt. It’s funny that the prayer that is said in the morning, MODEH ANI, has 12 words. One second for each word, using the proper concentration, gives the mind and body time to adapt from a state of sleeping and lying down to one of being awake and standing/moving.

          Choni was placed in a situation where he could not adapt. He could not relate to his new surroundings. Perhaps the seventy years lapse was too taxing on his mental state.

          It’s inevitable that we will go through changes in life. People will come in to our lives and others will depart. Change has to be done gradually.
          When King Shaul was informed by the Prophet Shmuel that G-d is removing him from being king, his response to Shmuel was a bit peculiar. He said “Let me address the people one more time as king”. He wanted to digest the verdict of G-d gradually and descend from the position.
          We must deal with change in a delicate way. Granted, adapting is part of life. If we are aware of its pitfalls, allowing ourselves the time and effort to adapt, we will be at a tremendous advantage.

Parshat Vayeira

October 27, 2013 G-d and Us, Highlights on the Weekly Parsha, Jewish Values No comments
 First Portion
* We would like to believe we are not the same people we were years ago. Everyone would state, they have matured, been educated and have learned from life’s experiences. This is the general attitude of humans. Well, I hope we have matured and become better people. It’s frustrating to see those that have not.

In this weeks parsha our forefather Avraham’s status has been elevated. This is evident by the level of communication between G-d and Avraham. Its clear from the KAVOD that G-d has given Avraham by visiting that Avraham has evolved to a complete and upstanding individual. We learn some very important lessons from this section. First lesson we learn is visiting the sick, which G-d did by approaching Avraham after Avraham followed G-d’s commandment and circumcised himself. The one being afflicted is revitalized by the visit. Secondly, hospitality is of great importance; Avraham in great pain from his circumcision, still managed to accept guest with tremendous enthusiasm.

We see the relationship between G-d and Avraham is now on a higher level because of the circumcision. When G-d revealed himself to the non-Jewish prophet Bilam many years later, Bilam’s immediate reaction, peculiarly, was of great embarrassment for not being circumcised. It seams like there’s a connection between high level of spirituality and circumcision. Rabbi Baruch Dopelt asks why do we say at a brit ” just like he (this boy) has entered a covenant with G-d today so too will he be able to enter the threshold of Torah and mitzvot”? Why don’t we say it when he’s born? After all a Jew is a Jew circumcised or not. The Mystics say by having the brit and its ceremony spiritual energies are infused into the boy. These are the tools necessary to be able to comprehend the Torah in a different realm..There are also thirteen times, in last weeks parsha Lech Lecha where G-d mentions his covenant with Avraham. This is to offset the thirteen attributes of G-d. The Thirteen attributes of G-d is mentioned on Yom Kippur and is a focal point in our quest for forgiveness. It can only be applied if the Jew is circumcised. Rabbi Pesach Krohn teaches us with the infused energy that the boy gets at the brit comes a name. A name defines the task that this boy will do in life. This is the reason Avraham’s name was changed the day he was circumcised.

* “Where is Sarah your wife?” Oh, she’s in the tent”. From here we learn an importance lesson pertaining to women “modesty is a virtue”.

* “How can we have kids my husband is so old” Sarah proclaimed. What about you Sarah, you’re no spring chicken either?

Here we see an ongoing occurrence in human nature. It’s the spouse that’s blamed for everything. If only we can appreciate our spouse and realize their good qualities we would have better marriages
* An important lesson is learned about keeping peace between husband and a wife. G-d altered the truth when he approached Avraham about what Sarah said. He asked Avraham; ” why did Sarah laugh and say how can we have kids, I’m so old”. In saying Sarah is old as opposed to what Sarah actually said – “my husband’s old”, Avrahams feelings weren’t hurt and it preserved peace between the couple. One has permission to alter the truth to preserve peace.

Second portion
* What compelled G-d to destroy the city of Sedom and Amora was an incident pertaining to one of Lott’s daughters. She once performed kindness and gave food to an old passer-by. Kindness, it seems, is against the law in Sedom. As punishment they hung her on a tree and spread honey all over her body and watched how she was tortured as the bees bit her to death. Her cries was the last straw that broke the camel’s back and propelled the all mighty to issue a death warrant to the entire city with the exception of Lot and his family.

Third Portion
* Although Lot had tremendous hospitality, a trait he learned from his uncle Avraham, never-the-less the fact that he offered his daughters as compensation not to harm his guest raises some eye brows

Fourth Portion
* Rabbi Moshe Feinstein relates a story when he was a young man about a colleague, who in one of his powerful sermons blamed Lot’s daughter for the despicable and immoral act of sleeping with their father. Add insult to injury one daughter named their offspring after the sin MO-AV, from the father. A while later Rav Moshe was informed that his friend is very ill. Upon visiting his friend, Rav Moshe was performing the commandment of visiting the sick, he sees that his friend’s throat is tremendously infected and can barely speak. ” Rav Moshe” the colleague said ” I know why I’m being punished. I had a dream shortly after one of my sermons. I was lying in bed and see two elderly woman standing besides me. It was Lott’s daughters. With a stern and angry tone of voice they accused me of slandering their name. They claimed they did the act out of complete sincerity and self sacrifice to preserve man-kind, figuring that civilization had been destroyed again. ” Instead of praising us you unfairly turned our deed and intentions into a sin, therefore you will pay with your life with punishment to your vocal cords”. Soon after Rav Moshe’s friend passed away. We learn never Judge anybody unless you’re in their shoes.

* Once again Avraham and Sarah marriage and morals are tested when Sarah was taken forcefully and brought to Avimelech the king of the Pilishtim. Avimelech intended on keeping Sarah for himself despite knowing that she might be Avraham’s wife. Although that information wasn’t clear. It didn’t require a rocket scientist to figure that Avraham and Sarah were more than a brother and sister.

* Because of Avraham and Sarah passing the test of the Avimelech incident (she had the opportunity to be Queen, and acqiure tremendous riches). However she chose loyalty to her husband. G-d said you preserved the test with the reproductive organ so I will reward you with a child through the reproductive organ. G-d rewarded them with their own child.

Fifth Portion
* It seemed Sarah was on a higher level then Avraham. Yishmael, who was Hagar the maid servant’s son (she had him with Avraham), was a bad influence on Yitzchak ( Avraham and Sarah son and the heir apparent to the Jewish nation). She demanded that Avraham send Hagar and her son Yishmael away. Avraham was faced with a difficult decision. What to do? Naturally he turned to G-d who advised him listen to your wife Sarah, She knows”. We learn here the importance of maintaining the right environment for your children and yourself.
Kids tend to be very impressionable so one has to surround them with the right school , nice neighborhood and proper role models at home.

Sixth Portion
*Avraham and Avimeloch make a treaty after Yitzchak was born.. As long as the descendants of Avimelech dwell on the land, no descendants of Avraham will wage war against them. This covenant was the reason later why Israel couldn’t capture Eastern part of Jerusalem. Avraham called the western part Yeru- to see G-d (holy place). Shalem, the eastern part was originally inherited by Noach’s son Shem. The name Shalem comes from Shem. In Yehoshua’s time the Philishtim lived in the Shalem, the eastern part. Although Yehoshua, the leader of the Israelites, conquered the western part, in honor of the treaty the Israelites refrained from entering the Eastern part. It wasn’t until the last descendant of Avimelech died after the time of Yehoshua did the children of Judeah took it.

Seventh portion
* The pride and Joy of the Jewish nation, the incident of the AKEDA which is so beloved by G-d. This is the primary weapon we use on Rosh Hashana to ask G-d for mercy and forgiveness
* The narrative prepares us for the next stage of life describing the future wife of Yitzchak, Rivka’s heritage.

Rav Ovadia and the American Jews

October 27, 2013 G-d and Us, Jewish Values, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson No comments
Excerpts from the shiurim of Rabbi’s Isaac Oelbaum, Baruch Dopelt
also contributing Rafi Sharbat and Rafi Fouzailoff

 

Rav Ovadya Yosef, one of the greatest Rabbis of this generation, passed away last week. The impact of his legacy was evident by the attendance at his funeral which was the largest in the history of the State of Israel. An unprecedented 800,000 people witnessed it. I guess it would be an understatement to say that he was pretty popular in Israel, but what about here, in the United States. Was he popular here? Did his teachings and influence impact your life? The answer is no. He was not as influential on our daily lives as he was there. But, do not fear. That is ok. We don’t need that influence. Now, you may be saying to yourself “Rabbi, do you realize what you are saying?!? Of course we need the leadership of this Rav and all of the greatest Tzaddikim who have lived, and continue to live, until now, Ad Yimei Hamashiach – until the days of Moshiach.” And you would be correct in stating that we need to have them but let me explain.
There is an important lesson which can be derived from the neighboring parshiot of Lech-Lecha and, our parsha of this week, Vayera which will shed some light on the legacy of Rav Ovadya. Even more important, we can see the implications of a very important lesson which we should apply to our everyday lifestyle.

Rav Ovadia was a former chief Rabbi of Israel and the spiritual leader and founder of the Orthodox Shas party that has an authoritative voice in the Israeli government. What earned him respect, though, was his photogenic memory and was a universally accepted renown Torah scholar. His knowledge was so profound that no one was able to challenge his ruling. Rav Ovadia was not just an encyclopedia of knowledge but he was able to use his creativity and apply halachic rulings where no other Rabbi would dare to go.
A couple of stories to illustrate this point:

 

1)The Rav had just become the chief Rabbi when Brigadier General, Rabbi Mordechai Piron informed him that there were 1,000 married Jewish soldiers MIA. Rav Ovadia Yosef spearheaded this effort, creating a Beit Din, or religious court, that would meet twice a week. They worked tirelessly to find some basis of proof to free those 1,000 women. Referring to his two-volume book on religious rules, “Responsa: Yabia Omer,” where he dedicated many chapters to the Agunah problem, he treated each case with special importance. Working with the Beit Din of Agunot affairs, he went around seeking testimony and researching evidence on a topic that is heavily complicated within Jewish tradition. By the end of his work, the newswire JTA reported in April of 1976, “there was no longer a single case of Agunah.” Some cases of agunot he worked on did not require so much labor, such as collecting testimony from fellow soldiers. In other cases, Rav Ovadia ruled on evidence which could seem slightly far-reaching; researching dental records, doctor records, even discovered jewelry from the battlefield. In one case, a soldier was found wearing a wedding band with a wedding date inscribed, and his wife had a matching ring. The Beit Din sifted through various marriage registrars and once proving she was married on that date, they concluded the body found was her deceased husband, and permitted her to remarry.

 
Allowing these women to simply remarry once they assumed their husbands were dead was not so easily determinable. Rabbis feared that those pronounced dead who were actually alive might return home in a few years to heartbreak, if their wives were, indeed, remarried.

Around ten years ago the Rabbi suffered his first heart attack and was rushed to the hospital. Surgery was required immediately however the Rabbi pleaded to postpone the surgery for three hours and be taken home. He later revealed his reasoning. While at home, he was in the middle of writing his responsa for an aguna and, due to the heart attack, he could not finnish it. “I might not come out alive from this surgery and then what will be of this poor woman? She will be stuck for the rest of her life unable to remarry. I had to finish the responsa before the surgery.”

 

2)In an unprecedented halachic ruling Rabbi Ovadia Yosef has allowed a woman pregnant by artificial insemination to marry a man who is not the father of the developing child. The 44-year old religious woman decided to get pregnant through a sperm bank because she feared she would not be able to conceive if she waited any longer. However, immediately after her insemination, she met a 50-year-old widower and the two quickly decided to wed, after the latter accepted responsibility for the child. The couple immediately ran into trouble. According to the Jewish halacha, a pregnant woman is not allowed to marry any man who is not the father for 24 months after the birth. The ruling preserves the unborn child’s rights. Rabbis explain that if the woman becomes pregnant again within the two years that follow the birth, the mother may stop producing milk for the baby. The couple appealed to the local rabbinate, but was forbidden to marry. They then turned to Rav Ovadia Yosef, who ruled that the mother may use milk substitutes to feed her child if she conceives again in the coming years.

 
Attorney Zuriel Bublil, who helped the couple with their appeal, was pleased with the result. “This is an unprecedented ruling that will help women coming to the end of their fertility,” he said. “Rabbi Yosef dealt with halachic reality with great courage, in a matter that many feared to allow or even discuss. The couple wanted to bring the child into the world after they were already married, and their time was almost up.” This woman and her fiancé were married according to Jewish law.

 

A number of other breakthrough rulings were declaring recognitions of the Jewishness of Ethiopian Jews and in more recent years , ordering the Shas party to vote in favor of a law recognizing brain death as death for legal purpose.

 

The ability to retract one’s position and admitting an error in judgement shows a tremendous amount of self-confidence. Such was the case in supporting Prime Minister Rabin’s risky Oslo adventure by issuing a ruling that the sanctity of life overrules the slogan of “not giving up an inch”, a decision he retracted when the accords led to the first intifada.

 

Rabbi Ovadia had a thirst for Torah that is an example to all of us. One morning he woke up in a blaze and ran towards the sink to wash his hands and reciting the birch at ha’Torah – the blessing of studying Torah.

 

Interestingly, in this bracha, we use the expression TZE’EHTZA’EH TZEHTZA’EHNU – may our offspring and our offspring’s offspring (study the Torah). However the Sages use an unusual terminology for offspring. Why tze’etza’enu and not the usual term, ZERAH? Rabbi Ovadia rushed after reciting the blessing of the Torah to look at a responsa of the commentary, Rivash. His children, seeing the Rav’s enthusiasm were curious for an explanation as to where the urgency came from to look the up commentary so abruptly. He replied that the night before he was toiling to understand two seemingly contradicting statements by the Rivash that seemed unresolvable. He said that in his sleep, the Rivash appeared to him in a dream and stated that he had indeed misunderstood his intentions. There is no contradiction in the two statements. It is all clarified in another source that the Rivash had written. “Upon waking up, I went to check the source he mentioned and indeed it was there.”

 

SO WHY WOULD WE, AS POOR AMERICANS, WITH NO SUPERSTAR LEADER, NOT NEED THIS POWERHOUSE OF LEADERSHIP? AREN’T WE CHAS V’SHALOM DOOMED WITHOUT IT?

Let’s go back to our reference from the beginning of our newsletter of the parshiyot. One of the most important events in the Torah occurred in this week’s parsha. G-d tells Abraham to go and slaughter his beloved son Yitzchak. Although he didn’t actually go through with it, his intentions were to do so until the very last moment, when an Angel stopped him. It was an enormous test of trust in G-d, which Avraham passed.

 
What’s astonishing is the unchallenged acceptance of all this by Yitzchak! His enthusiasm throughout the incident was something to take note of. He didn’t think for even a second “Has my father gone mad?!”. How could Yitzchak have been so compliant?
We also observe the utmost respect, from the dialogue, that father and son had for each other.

 
It all seems so strange. Here is Avraham passing such an enormous test. However, if one will observe in chapter 15, verses 3 and 4, he seemed like he didn’t believe G-d, when He told him he was going to have children. G-d then reinforced him in a peculiar way saying that his trusted servant Eliezer will not inherit him but his son will, the one that will “come out of your stomach”. The sages bring up the we are all familiar with human physiology and know what gender babies come from. The meticulous Torah seems to be hinting something,

 

Avraham surely believed in G-d’s ability to give him children. However Avraham was afraid of what influence, what impact, could he possibly have on a son at such an advanced age? He was 90 years old!

 

G-d answered him stating that he will have his own biological children and it will come from HIS STOMACH.

 

We learn from a verse in Yishaya (59;21) that there is a strong connection between TZE’EHTZA’EH and the word next to it, MEAYIM (stomach).

 

The stomach is where feeling comes from. Did you ever here the expressions “I’m sick to my stomach” or “I have butterflies in my stomach “?

 

G-d was telling Avraham, “Your son will inherit you, MEAYIM, from the stomach. With all your enthusiasm and strong feeling, sincerity and strong spiritual sense, your son will inherit you. You Avraham will be the blueprint where the love and spirituality will come from. Your the model mold.”

 

Did you ever wonder why, in the most important prayer we have, the Amida, we recite G-d of Abraham, Isaac and Yaacov. Then we say concluding the first blessing MAGEN AVRAHAM-protect Avraham?

 

Why not protect the other forefathers?

 

Because Avraham is where the spiritual feelings come from. He is the source. Therefore we have to protect that precious hunger, the love of G-d. We ask G-d to protect the spiritual enthusiasm.

 

That is the reason Yitzchak was so compliant. The guarantee by G-d through the verse, stating MI’MEI’ECHA, came to fruition. We see that every Jew HAS IT!!! He therefore doesn’t really need a leader. Although it helps, it’s unnecessary. It’s built in all of us. We just have to find the right channels to make it sprout. Avraham was guaranteed by G-d.

 

Frequently I would travel to Israel in the 1980’s-90’s and feeling the pulse of the Sepharadim there I can emphatically say that Rabbi Ovadia’s popularity was indescribable. He was their Rabbi. He was their leader. He was their pride and joy. My own cousins were caught up in the Rabbi Ovadia frenzy. The sepharadim, for many years, never had a Torah giant that would compare to the Ashkenazi greats. Rav Ovadia was able to be their equal. He was able to spar with them, head-to-head, and stand his ground. He was convinced that the Sefardi menorah needed not take a back seat to anybody. He kick-started a spiritual and cultural awakening among a significant number of Israelis in his pursuit to “restore the crown of the divine attributes to its ancient completeness”. The Sepharadim in Israel were able to hold their head up high and be proud.

 

However it was different in the United States. The enthusiasm towards the great Rabbi was no way near the excitement in Israel. It was not even close. Not many American Sefaradim were able to relate to Rav Yosef. It was a different mentality; the Israeli’s told it like it is, which he did on many occasions. The Americans, though, were more reserved in their demeanor and did not appreciate that. There was and is a major difference between the Israeli and American Sefaradim due to the lack of having a leader.

 

In the early 90’s I was a guest at a friend who happened to be a Lubavitch Chassid. At the Shabbat table, his wife said, with pride, “The world doesn’t understand us because we have, and follow, a leader.” I felt uncomfortable because I couldn’t comprehend the experience, what a leader, or following a group for that matter, was like. I guess one can call my kind a free bird. Having a leader has a tremendous advantage. He can guide you in many aspects of life. With his enthusiasm, a momentum among his followers can be built, and spirituality can be enhanced among the group in entirety.

 

Baruch Dayan Ha’emet. We lost a great tzaddik. However we have a gaurantee……We’re Avraham’s descendants. If we protect it, pray to Hashem to protect it, inside of ourselves, we can build that spiritual world for ourselves and the world and people around us. LET’S DO IT!!! SHABBAT SHALOM!

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