Privacy Between Friends

July 31, 2013 Jewish Values, Trust No comments
In any Jewish community there are individuals who are blessed with great mazal and make a lot of money.
 For the most part, we Jews look after our fellow Jews. The rich look after the poor. In many communities there is even a system of distribution and it’s done discreetly.
  Once an individual needed $5000. He asked the Rabbi if he can help him obtain the loan. Understandably, he asked the rabbi not to disclose his name.
 The Rabbi came to a wealthy man, presented his case and asked the wealthy man if he could possibly help out this struggling Jew.
 The wealthy man said, “I will give you $3000, however, in order for me to give the money, Rabbi, you have to disclose his name”.
 “I’m sorry sir but that is confidential” replied the Rabbi. “Then I cannot give you the money” the wealthy man said. The Rabbi got up to leave. As the Rabbi was exiting, the rich man said once more, “Rabbi I’ll give you the whole $5000, but you have to disclose the name. The Rabbi again refused and again turned to leave. “I’ll give you more than he asked for, I’ll give you $10,000!! just tell me this poor man’s identity”.
The Rabbi unequivocally said “I’m sorry, I simply cannot and will not disclose his name”.
 “Wait Rabbi”, the wealthy man called to the Rabbi as he had already crossed the threshold on the way out. “I have to discuss another important and highly sensitive matter with you, and I’m only sharing this with you because it seems like you can keep a secret”. The Rabbi took off his coat and sat down once again. “Rabbi”, the wealthy man said, ” I’m on the verge of bankruptcy and I need you to raise money for me as well”, and with that he broke down crying.
One cannot, under any circumstances violate what someone tells you in confidence. This is an invasion of privacy.
Story told over by Rabbi Baruch Dopelt

Invasion and the benefits of Privacy

July 30, 2013 Jewish Values, Tzniut- Modesty No comments
Article found on the internet

 

 
So then…I answer the phone and a voice says, “Do you have a trampoline in your backyard?”
Actually, I do. But now that someone’s asking, I’m suddenly, inexplicably nervous about admitting it. “Who is this?” I ask. “This is Jean at Harry’s office. You asked us to re-quote your car and home insurance.” “Oh, right, right.” I recall now that I asked our insurance broker to check for lower premiums. “It’s still out to bid,” she says. “But one of the insurance companies asked me if that’s a trampoline in your backyard.” “Um, why are they asking?” I ask suspiciously. “Some insurance companies charge higher premiums for that – and some won’t even write policies for homes with trampolines because they’re so dangerous,” she explains. Suddenly I feel guilty that I’ve allowed my kids to gleefully jump, flip, roll, and twirl on that trampoline for years. It has a huge netting enclosure so I think it’s pretty safe – and so far, no injuries. Plus they’ve enjoyed lots of bouncing, laughing, exercise-filled fun in the great outdoors, so that assuages my guilt a bit. But the mildly accusatory tone of the question makes me uneasy about admitting it, especially now that I’ve learned it may affect my premiums. I ask a bit defensively, “Why do they suspect I have a trampoline anyway?” She says, “Oh, they Google-mapped your house. On the computer, they looked at an aerial view of your backyard, front yard, the house, driveway, everything.” “What? Are you kidding me? They’re looking at aerial photos of my home? That’s an invasion of privacy!” I object. “Oh, all the insurance companies do that now. Aerial photos make it easy for them to spot any trouble before they write policies. They typically do a drive-by in person too, but the aerial photos save a lot of time to eliminate bad prospects right away.” I’m outraged! This is sounding very Big Brother-y to me. Now I have to worry about what we happen to be doing outside when the satellite cameras pass overhead? What’s next? Will the insurance companies ask me: Hey, are those your kids playing with matches on the front steps? Fire Insurance: denied. Are you chasing a bee swarm with a blowtorch? Insurance denied. Is that you relaxing by the pool? Insurance denied. Are those beer bottles strewn around your backyard while you and your friends try to build a tree house in a palm tree? Insurance denied. Why is there a motorcycle in the pool? Insurance denied. I’m not saying these things happened – but if they did happen, that’s MY business! I’m just totally freaked out by the idea that someone can be sitting miles away in a little office watching what’s going on in my backyard on their computer screen. And how can they not be super judgy? Are they sitting there saying things like: Is that your third glass of wine? That honeysuckle bush needs watering. And what if they perfect thermal imaging so insurance companies can see what we’re doing INSIDE the house? Is that you sneaking Ben & Jerry’s ice cream at midnight when we specifically heard on our listening device that you swore to your family there was no ice cream left? Insurance denied. “So,” Jean says, bringing me back to the present. “DO you have a trampoline?” “That’s what they think, huh?” I hedge. “Yeah, they said they saw a big dark circle on the aerial photo of the backyard, so they figured it was a trampoline,” she says. “Maybe it’s a moon crater.” “Huh?” she says. “Or like a really big black round blanket I’m knitting for an orphanage.” “Yeah, OK, it’s a trampoline, so what. And yes, I will get rid of the trampoline. If that will make them happy! It won’t make my kids happy, I’ll tell you that. And I’m totally blaming it on the insurance company!” So I break the news to the kids, but they’re not too upset since they’ve had several good years on the trampoline and have started to outgrow it anyway. I then explain to them in elaborate detail how insurance companies can basically see anything that’s happening in our yard and driveway and possibly home – and that they will report back to me any suspicious behavior perpetrated by my children. They don’t believe me. Rubes. Meanwhile I consider thwarting the thermal imaging sensors by wearing a tinfoil suit whenever I dip into my secret stash of Ben & Jerry’s.
When a parent passes away, there is a tremendous pressure on the siblings as they try to make the necessary burial arrangements. There are many details and it’s difficult to focus on simple tasks.  There is emotional confusion as the heart does not except or comprehend  the tragic occurrence that just transpired. It’s not for naught that the Jewish Law is such that one is exempt from prayer until the deceased is buried. It’s impossible to concentrate. One seems to be living in a cloud.
 I had the entire Shabbat to think of what to say at the funeral which would be held right after Shabbat. Then plan was that afterward the family would all travel to Israel for the burial. I remember that, as I was in a helpless and confused state, the only quality I can think of in my father was that he always knocked on my door to my room and waited for me to say come in. He respected my privacy and I always appreciated that. Although many said I spoke well, I was surprised that I chose to speak about privacy.
 For many years I always wondered to why that particular attribute of my father stood out in such a situation?  After all, I had tremendous respect for him and he had so many qualities that stood out. In fact, it was my parents’ Shabbat table that has enhanced my love for life. Why the respect for my privacy was what I thought about at that moment?
Dr. Robert Goldman, Psychologist of Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim, suggests that there is a broader concept that’s actually in the forefront, that being Tzniut-modesty. “The concept of modest doesn’t exist at a infant or toddler stage” he says. Rather, only later does a child begin to understand that showing modesty and privacy is an essential part in his/her development of personal dignity. There are those who embarrass their children in public. This is a major violation. Children are people too and need to strengthen their personal dignity at a young age.
  There was a grade school Rebbi who would always knock on the classroom door before entering. Once, his students asked him “why do you knock before entering?” Many teachers make it their business to barge in and surprise the students, catching them in an uncompromising act. The Rebbi believed that it’s important to develop trust and that’s how, by the way, one develops a sense of self value.
    
We read in this week’s haftora ..VEH HATZNAI LECHET-walk humbly with your G-d. This walk should be in private, meaning, one develops a relationship with G-d privately. This is the reason why we read the first part of the AMIDA, a very important prayer, quietly . It’s the main form of developing a relationship with G-d. Sometimes, one can display his love for G-d in public. But, for the most part, man needs the intimate relationship with his Creator.
  Astonishingly, we recite in our prayers MAH TOVU OHALECHA YAACOV MISHKANOTECHA YISRAEL. Does anybody know who uttered the phrase?  It’s found in this week’s parsha. The wicked Bilam, out of all people, an evil  man who reached the ultimate lowest level man can reach,  uttered this very high praise when he saw the Israelite camp from above on the mountain. Thinking to himself, he was impressed that all the entrances  of their tents were systematically pitched in the opposite direction of their neighbor’s entrances so that privacy can be preserved. Even though Bilam’s words of praise were forced out of his mouth by G-d, as he intended to curse the Jews, nevertheless, this impressive praise of modesty is a staple of our character. Modesty is a vehicle in which we can ride to the Gates of Heaven.
One of the more important lessons of “MAH TOVU OHALECHA YAAKOV ”  can be applied to the privacy of a married couple. It’s inevitable that couples will fight, however, for the most part, they will also usually make up. However, when the in-laws, neighbors or friends barge in unannounced during one of those heated moments, they can fan the fire and cause irreparable damage.
   Jewish law has great respect for privacy. If you want to build a home overlooking another home, you cannot do it in such a way that you would be able to see into your neighbor’s courtyard from your window. It would be an invasion of privacy. Gossiping about others or making judgments about their behavior is also prohibited because it means you are looking into an aspect of their existence that is not open to your scrutiny. It’s private, between them and G-d, and if you judge them, you’re trespassing.
  Ever wonder why we received the Torah in the desert. The desert is a secluded place, it’s nice and private. G-d bonded with us there by giving us the Torah and we accepted it. Similar to a couple who gets married; the bride accepts the ketubah. The Jews needed some “chill time” alone with G-d. The honeymoon lasted 40 years. A couple needs their chill time, their intimacy, their privacy. We learn an important lesson from our accepting of the Torah. It’s vital for the couple to have their time alone in order for the marriage to sustain itself.
 When a parent passes away, there is a sense of abandonment; “they left too soon” is the consensus of many children, even though they lived to a ripe old age. Many feel that the value of life is diminished by their passing. These are the people who instilled within us a sense of worth. A parents’ job is to teach children the lessons of life. However, now that these teachers of humanity, of Torah values, have abruptly left us, our personal dignity, at least momentarily, is diminished as well. Therefore, on a subconscious level, one can feel a loss of this personal dignity, self worth and self value.
 We stayed at my parent house that Shabbat before the funeral and before traveling to Israel for the burial.  We actually slept in my old room. I couldn’t help imagining hearing the knock on the door of my room and envisioning my father anticipating to come in.  He built in me human dignity by preserving my privacy. The words from the heart, from the subconscious, came out at the eulogy that I gave as a result.

Around the Shabbat Table- Parshat Ki Tavo

July 30, 2013 G-d and Us, Hakarat Hatov, Kid's Section No comments
        By Rabbi Gedalia Fogel 

 

Hi! This is Rebbe speaking:

 

   Back to school? Now you’ll surely be able to answer all the questions. You’re already in the thinking mode!

   This week’s parsha, Parshat Ki Tavo, speaks about one who will own a field in the land of Israel. When his fruit will be ripe, he will bring some of his fruit to the Kohen (priest) in the Beit Hamikdash (the Holy Temple) to give thanks to Hashem for providing him with such delicious produce.

We must thank Hashem for all that he does for us. We say blessings before we eat, so that we can properly show gratitude to Hashem for giving us sustenance. We pray each day and thank Hashem for all he has done and continues to do.

   We learn from here that we must show Hakorat Hatov, gratitude, to one that does us a favor. We see examples where one even thanks inanimate objects.

Moshe Rabbeinu was careful to thank the water for saving his life. When Moshe Rabbeinu was a baby, his mother put him in a basket in the river since Pharaoh commanded that all Jewish baby boys be killed. Moshe Rabbeinu had Hakorat Hatov to the water for this and did not hit the water when performing the first three Makot, plagues, on the Egyptians. He had his brother Aharon perform them, since it warranted hitting the water.

   Reb Moshe Feinstein was known to thank everyone that did even the slightest favor for him. Even when he was the passenger in a car, he made sure to lean over and call out to the man at the toll booth to thank him for his service.

   Reb Eliyahu Lopian was meticulous in this virtue. He stated that one must have Hakorat Hatov and thank someone even if you paid for their service. Such as: a grocer, bus driver, shoemaker etc. Even if you paid him money you must make sure to thank him properly.

   Reb Eliyahu Lopian was seen cleaning the bench in his Yeshiva. Many disciples ran over and offered to clean it for him. “No thank you. I want to clean this bench myself, since I owe the bench Hakorat Hatov. Each morning this bench helps me fold my Talit. It makes sure that my Talit does not drag on the floor while I am folding it.”

Two nations, Amon and Moav, are not allowed to convert to Judaism. Avraham Avinu saved the life of their grandfather, Lot and they did not show Hakorat Hatov. When the Jews were traveling through the desert on their way to Israel, Amon and Moav did not allow them to pass through their land. They should have given the Jews bread and water but instead they came out to fight against them. One that does not have the midah of Hakorat Hatov cannot be part of the Jewish nation.

Sometimes we don’t notice the good that we have until we are missing it. When one breaks his leg, it is only then that he realizes the greatness of being able to walk each day with ease.

Reb Avigdor Miller waited under water for an extra few seconds so that he can be grateful for every breath. We take these things for granted.

Miss Braun, a 6th grade teacher came in one day. “Girls today we will begin a special contest. I will hand out notebooks to each girl and I want you to write at least one thing each day that you are thankful for.”

Sara immediately started jotting down a list of four things that she was thankful for. Linda on the other hand was stumped. “What are you writing? I can’t think of a thing.” “There’s tons! I am thankful for having great friends. I am thankful for being able to see. I am thankful for walking and of course for the best teacher, Miss Braun. I could go on and on, but I’ll save some for other days.”

Now even Linda got the hang of it. The girls jotted down a few examples every day for months and slowly filled up their notebooks. The girls were surprised that up on till then they had not realized how much they had to appreciate.

At the end of the school year each girl had a treasured book, filled with Hakorat Hatov.

 

In the middle of 7th grade Linda came down with a dreadful disease that left her hospitalized. All those that came to visit her were surprised with her upbeat attitude. “I’ll let you in on a secret. Last year Miss Braun taught us to have Hakorat Hatov. She requested that we write down things that we are thankful for. Each morning, here in the hospital, I read through my notebook and see how many things I still have to be grateful for. It gives me strength and a good mind-set to conquer the day.”

Thank G-d, Linda overcame her illness and is married with a family today. She makes sure to cherish this notebook and is certain to publicize what she calls a miracle. “This is what kept me going!”

What have we learned today?

 

What is Hakorat Hatov?

A Jew must always be thankful to Hashem. He must be sure to thank anyone that does an act of kindness even if he paid him for his service.

 

What are some examples that we can thank Hashem for?

We can say thanks to Hashem throughout the day even when we are not praying. We can thank Hashem for giving us good friends. We must be grateful for our functional limbs, our feet that walk, our hands that move and write. We can thank Hashem that we can speak and hear and for the brain that allows us to think. We should be thankful for our wonderful parents who provide us with what we need.

Boys and girls, who can come up with a notebook-full of Hakorat Hatov? Try it. I’m sure you’ll fill it up in no time.

 

I’d like to take this opportunity to show my Hakorat Hatov to Rabbi Matmon for allowing me to share some thoughts and ideas with all my fantastic readers. I would also like to show gratitude to all my readers who have sent in words of encouragement and suggestions. I am looking forward to hearing more comments and suggestions.

Some Insights into the Mezuzah

July 28, 2013 G-d and Us, Mitzvot and Traditions No comments

 

 In this week’s Parsha, G-d commanded that the Israelites inscribe the Torah on twelve gigantic stones.  Some say it was written in seventy languages; some say only the commandments were written. What’s the purpose of this commandment which was placed in Gilgal, at the entrance to Eretz Yisrael?

One answer is the stones signified that one was about to enter the land of Torah. Just as a Jewish home is distinguished by the mezuzah at the doorpost; so a huge monument at the border of Eretz Yisrael reminds the traveler that the purpose living there is to keep the Torah.

We have 613 commandments in the Torah, do’s and don’ts. There are only two mitzvot where one gets severely punished if one does not do a “do it”….and that is brit milah and korban Pesach (sacrifice). Seemingly, these two commandments are very important and it’s the first two commandments we had. The brit – Avraham was commanded to do on himself and his children. The korban Pesach was mitzvah number two. G-d said whoever did not perform circumcision cannot participate in the korban Pesach. Therefore, that night, many Jews, who were lax in this area, circumcised themselves. Then they were instructed to put the blood of the brit milah and korban Pesach on the doorpost which protected them from death of the first born. G-d skipped over the doorposts with the blood.

G-d said, because you did these two mitzvot you will be redeemed.

The RAMBAM writes, by walking in and out of our houses we kiss the mezuzah to remind us of the fundamental principles of our religion. We are reminded of going out of Egypt. The brit mila is also a declaration acknowledging G-d and the korban Pesach – a declaration to do the commandments. These declarations which consists of the Shema and VEHAYA IM SHAMOAH is found in the parchment in the Mezuzah.

The Different Aspects of Desire

July 28, 2013 Jewish Values No comments
   

After I spoke at an event, I was approached by someone who asked me how he can take away the hurt that was inflicted by a young lady friend of his. After revealing some of the things the young lady did, I said “Well, she’s not a friend anymore.” In actuality, after hearing the story, I don’t think she should have ever been his friend. He tells me he doesn’t know why he desired her so much. That reminded me of what Rabbi Isaak Olbaum said a number of weeks ago on the subject of desire.            He said the Torah is very selective in how it uses the various versions of the word “desire.” For example, when a soldier goes to war and sees a beautiful captive enemy “and he desires her”. The word the Torah uses is VE CHASHAKTA BA and he desires her, and you want to take her for a wife. Later after the soldier returns from the emotional state of war to a more familiar and calmer environment, the scripture continues. “And after you took her for a wife and then you don’t desire her…”. Here the Torah uses another word for desire, CHAFAXTA. What’s the difference? CHASHAKTA means desire without logic. There is no real reason why he desires her other than a certain illogical attraction. CHAFAXTA on the other hand is wanting it because…… There is a logical reason for the “desire.” Here, he is making a rational decision.

We find something similar when the Torah tells us of Shechem who raped Yaakov’s daughter, Dina. CHASHAKTA NAFSHO BE BIETCHEM – his soul desired your daughter. Then the scripture writes that he desired her because she was Yaacov’s daughter. Here it uses the word CHAFAXTA. At first, Shechem desired her just for attraction purposes. Apparently the Torah describes this attraction as “an attraction with no legs to stand on.” Meaning, it’s not going to last. However, after finding out who she is, Shechem desired her; he had a reason for his desire. She was Yaakov’s daughter.

There are many occasions in which people are attracted to people; however this attraction has no legs to stand on. At the end, many of us get hurt; sometimes really hurt. Emotions are hard to overcome. If one has a measly fighting chance, it would be trying to use “logic” and to ask themselves “why am I attracted to this person?” Is it CHASHAKTA or CHAFAXTA? However, it’s not always so simple, even when one knows this person is not right for them, they may still have a strong, emotional, illogical desire. It’s scary to admit; it’s scary to think that desire is uncontrollable. We have to make it our business to fight it with logic.

We Hope to Have Some Good Company on Our Side on Judgment Day

July 28, 2013 High Holidays, Jewish Values No comments
 

If someone wants to do something very wicked, but for some turn of events, it never came into fruition, will he get punished for the thought? In this week’s Parsha, we recall Lavan, the father in law of our fore-father Yaakov. We all heard some nasty stories about in-laws; however, Lavan is by far the front runner of the biggest nightmare an in-law can possibly be.

The pasuk recants how Lavan tried to kill Yaakov and his family. Rashi, the mainstream commentary on the Torah, oddly seems to write although the plan didn’t materialize, however it’s as if he did do it; that he actually caused harm. The thought translates to action. But wait! Contrary to popular teachings, haven’t we learned because of the mercy of G-d, that good thoughts equal to brownie points even though it doesn’t work out at the end. Consequently, if someone has the intention of sinning and last minute he misses his train and is unable to go through with it, the bad thought doesn’t count. So why is Lavan endeited for a crime that never happened?

We read in the most important prayer in our three daily services, the Amida, “The G-d of Avraham, G-d of Isaac and the G-d of Yaakov.” It’s in their merit that will help us, G-d willing, in putting us in the book of life. However, it’s not just their merit that will get us in. Perhaps, it’s the character traits that we inherited from them. We are from the genealogy of Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov, and a lot of their fine characters in which put them over the top is passed down through the generations to us. So presumably, the bad thoughts which some of us have will not amount to anything because our forefathers would never do those things. A mitzvah which we intended to do but didn’t happen, we will get credit for because its safely assumed that our ancestors would have done it, so therefore, our character will, most likely, perform the good deed; its ingrained in us. Lavan had some cruel blood in him; so its assumed he would sin. In his situation, a bad thought will go against him.

I remember, many years ago when I was in the jewelry business, a business that relies heavily on trust, someone called asking for an expensive stone. We never did business with him before, so I was a bit hesitant. My father z’l said to give it to him. I said to my father “Pop, don’t you want to do a credit check first?” He said to me, “I don’t need to do a credit check, I know his father; he was an honest good man.” He said, “If you want to know a person, you look at his family roots.” Our family roots goes through some fine characters leading to the nucleus, Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov. This is the reason G-d gives us, the Jews, the benefit of the doubt.

When we pray, we have to emphasize the greatness of our Jewish people, the greatness of our ancestors. We should reiterate in our prayers that we will live up to the standards of our forefathers because we have it in us; it’s in our genes. G-d should give us the benefit of the doubt even more than He usually does and we hope to get written in the book of life. Our nation has to live up to a different standard, a standard of excellence.

Tishrei- The New Year

July 28, 2013 High Holidays, Kid's Section, Succot No comments

By Rabbi Gedalia Fogel

 

Hi! This is Rebbe speaking:

 

Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Succot!! What a busy time of year and it’s exciting too. There’s so much happening around us.

 

The new year begins with the month of Tishrei. The first day of the new year is called Rosh Hashana. On Rosh Hashana, Hashem judges all the Jews.

 

On Rosh Hashana we blow the shofar (horn of a ram) and we pray that we have a good year. We are very close to Hashem on this holy day. We refer to Hashem as our father. Just like you ask your father for what you need, so too you can ask Hashem for all your requests. And just like your father knows what’s best for you, so too Hashem knows what is best.

 

A prince decided to leave the palace and explore the outside world. He came to his father, the king and told him of his plans. The king pleaded with his son to stay, but the prince had his mind set. Before he departed the king gave his son the key to the entrance of the palace and said, “Whenever you feel like returning use this key to reenter the palace. I will be waiting for you.”

 

The prince went on his way. It took him time to get used to life outside of the royal palace. Things were very different than he was used to. But slowly, with time, the prince blended into the outside world. Many years passed and the prince vaguely remembered his royal upbringing. One night he had a dream that he was back in the palace spending time with his beloved father, the king. He awoke with a strong yearning to return home.

 

The prince immediately set out. When he arrived at the palace he took out the key that his father had given him upon his departure. He inserted it into the lock but the key would not turn. He tried numerous times but the key had become very rusty over the past few years. The prince burst into tears. His tears fell on the key and washed away the rust. The prince was finally able to enter the palace and reunite with his father whom he missed and loved so much.

 

All year we may stray from our Father in heaven, but Rosh Hashana we are awakened and we yearn to be reunited with our Father, the king. All our keys have become rusty. But the key of repentance is cleansed with our heartfelt prayers. Our Father, our king, Hashem, is waiting for us to return.

 

The days between Rosh Hashana, the first day of Tishrei and Yom Kippur, the tenth day of Tishrei, are called “Aseret Yimei Teshuva” – “Ten Days of Repentance”. These days are designated for repentance and it is easier to do Teshuva at this time.

 

We spend the day of Yom Kippur fasting and praying. This is a form of “Yirah” – fear. However, on Succot we are told to be “B’Simcha” to be happy and rejoice. It’s a mitzvah to be joyous on Succot. There are two ways to serve Hashem – through fear and through happiness. Both are important and there has to be a mixture of both, to fully do Hashem’s will. Everyone knows that we should love Hashem, but in order to do his will we must also be fearful of Him.

 

On succot we take 4 things, the Etrog, the Lulav, Aravot, and Hadassim and we put them all together. Look at these objects and you will see that the shape of each is similar to that of one’s body. The Etrog looks like the heart, the Lulav is compared to the spine; the Aravot are the lips and the Hadassim are the eyes. When we make a Beracha and shake them it cleanses them all.

 

Why do we shake the Lulav all six ways – up, down, right, left, front and back? We are chasing away the Yetzer Hara, the bad inclination. We want him to stay far away.

 

On Simchat Torah, the last day of Succot, we dance and sing with the Torah and our flags. We have completed the whole Torah throughout the year and the first Shabbat after, we begin again with Parshat Bereishit.

 

What have we learned today?

What are two forms of Avodat Hashem – serving Hashem?

 

One must serve Hashem and do his will with both, Yirah – fear and Simcha – happiness. When we do a Mitzvah we should do it B’Simcha so that the Mitzvah will be complete. Build your Sukkah with joy, purchase a beautiful Etrog with happiness and these Mitzvot will be worth their fullest. If you help your mother clear off the table but you keep saying “Why do I have to do it? I wish I could go out to play” you lose part of the mitzvah. Do it with a smile!

 

What are important Mitzvot for us young boys and girls can do during these special holidays?

 

On Rosh Hashana we go to Shul (synagogue) to hear the Shofar. We must make sure to be extra quiet and not disturb. On Yom Kippur we must be on our best behavior. Our parents are fasting and they need us to help out and allow them to pray. There is a lot of preparation that goes into the Yom Tov of Succot. We can help with the building of the Sukkah or help to decorate and beautify the Sukkah. We can offer to help with the cooking or to take care and entertain the younger siblings. On Succot we shake the Lulav and Etrog each day.

 

Throughout these days, we collect and fill our “bags” with blessings that we use throughout the year.

 

May we all have a year of Simcha and good health.

Essence of High Holiday Prayers

July 28, 2013 High Holidays No comments

The High Holidays are fast approaching. During the High Holidays two years ago, we had a special event called “Understand the Essence of High Holiday Prayers”, featuring chazanim Avi Perets, Ishai ben Haim, and Ruben Ibragimov. Please take a look at the event:www.youtube.com/watch?v=dA0zDwlzaqA

 

Rosh Hashanah

July 26, 2013 High Holidays, Rosh Hashana No comments
 

ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT THE UPCOMING HOLIDAY SEASON? ARE YOU SCARED OF JUDGMENT DAY?  OR, DO YOU JUST WANT TO GET THEM OVER WITH?

Many Jews call these days YAMIM NORAIM – days of fear. We are correct to assume that’s an accurate statement considering the magnitude and the implications these holidays weigh and will weigh on our lives. Many American Jews call this period the High Holy days. This is more of a positive touch without the fear factor involved. Well, as a matter of fact, although it’s true that it’s a holy three weeks and we can elevate ourselves tremendously, nevertheless, even those Jewish Americans, who refer to these days of awe as High Holy days, would find it difficult digesting some of the things we read in our prayer books. An example of this would be, “You (G-d) make the decisions who will live and who will die; who will die by fire and who will die by water, etc.”. Even I, when I was a happy-go-lucky kid, who just wanted to play and did not have an inkling of a worry in the world, whose parents and their inner circle were young, therefore, having no experience with death, was taken aback by those words. Everyone would admit it’s scary stuff.  These holidays tend to infuse a reality check, and break up our fairy-tale lives. So it seems that a lot is at stake.

Therefore, we have to be smart, we have to ask ourselves “What’s the best way to have a good year and get in the book of life? How do we go about it? What’s the best method, percentage-wise for a successful sweet year? Should we have a businessman approach and get the best deal possible?” If we are desperate, maybe it would be wise to grab any deal!!

The lawyers are our Sages, who through the guidance of our Torah, comprised a three method plan to approach G-d on Rosh Hashanah. Our chachamim believe this formulation of prayer, which they added some salt and pepper to it, will enable us, if done right, to receive a good verdict. We will discuss Yom Kippur a bit later.

The Three Methods Are:

* Shofrot – A shofar is the main symbol of the high holidays. What’s so special about a shofar? Why do we need to hear it?

            Human nature is such that if one has too much free time on his hands, just nothing to do, he will gravitate to sin. Is a person so evil that he just can’t help himself? Is he so mischievous that he will constantly get his hands caught trying to pry open the cookie jar? Many Chassidic sources say it’s inevitable that man will get corrupted in the course of his lifetime. If it’s not the action, then the thought is a battleground for evil.

            There was once a big rabbi in the last stage of his life, where he was not in control of his mental state.  He was constantly using foul language and making crude remarks. Someone said, now one can tell what a great man he was, all his life he had to control and restrain himself from using bad language. This was a major hurdle he had to overcome. Throughout a lifetime, we accumulate layers of dirt; we have dirty hands and tainted hearts; goodness get the soap.

The word LINSHOM means to breath; it comes from NESHAMA – the soul. The purest part of man is the soul. For this reason, G-d may have mercy and forgive us. After all those layers and layers of sin one accumulated, there lies the purest of good, the NESHAMA. When G-d created man, he blew into his nostrils the breath of life. There are a number of ways one can identify someone. At night, in the dark, one can tell a loved one through the sound of their breath; if one wants to get spiritual, one way to start is to take deep breaths. The essence of the soul is though the passage of breathing. This is the reason we blow the shofar which is the highest form of prayer because it comes from the inner part of man; a part that’s not tainted, the purest part of man, deep inside him, the NESHAMA. So, apparently through the shofar, it’s the purest Tefillah.

In the amida of Mussaf, the additional prayer said after the morning services, we say nine blessings. The Gemarah says the source for the number nine is the 9, AZKAROT mentions of G-d’s name in the story of Chana. We read on the first day of Rosh Hashanah, the story of Chana, who was known for the tremendous intensity of her prayer. Chana was a barren woman who had to suffer the humiliation by her husband, who took a second wife and bore his children. Chana’s prayers were finally answered on Rosh Hashanah. She had a son who became the great prophet, Shmuel. There is a very important message one can learn from the story of Chana that is a very essential part of the holiday, and for that matter an essential part of life. At the end, Chana bore seven children while her rival lost a child every time Chana gave birth to one. One must realize there is a change of fortunes that the unpredictable life offers. Rav Tzadok HaCohen says the Shofar blowing consists of shevarim and teruahs which are broken sounds representing crying, broken spirit. This must always be sandwiched in by two tekias. The firm unbroken sound represents joy. This represents the theme of the day; we have to be joyous, however we are judged; so anything can happen, which translates into fear. For some, this year will bring joy and for some sorrow. For some, fortunes will change and for others not.

 

* Zichronot – remembrance: When we pray and ask G-d to remember our good merits, we are referring to our ancestors. We said in our previous newsletters since we are the genealogy of those great people, it would be a good bet, and it would be safe to assume that those great qualities are found in us. Therefore, He should forgive us because we are bound to do well. So we remind him of the major shining moments in our history where it was so impressive it would be hard for Him not to forgive us. It’s a tremendous weapon which we use on Rosh Hashanah. The three major characters that will help us in this theme is Avraham, his wife, Sarah, and their son Yitzchak, and the major event is the Akeda.

What’s important to note and a major aspect to Judaism is the power of the Hebrew letters. Avraham and Sarah were believers of monotheistic G-d and they openly campaigned for Him. Unfortunately, though, they could not have children. G-d rewarded them by adding the letter ‘HEY to Avraham and Sarah. As a result, Avraham and Sarah became a new entity. (Perhaps this is the reason when someone is sick, a new name or a letter is added). Avraham was taken out from the mazal of the world and was rewarded with the ability to go against nature. “You will always have the ability to break nature through your faith,” G-d said to him. They weren’t supposed to have children, it was against nature and yet, they did. So we see, the inception of Jewish nation, the whole Jewish entity began against nature through the power of the letter HEY. This letter represents G-d’s name. So if someone calls Avraham, Avram, they take away the power, not just from Avraham, but himself. He takes away the essence of the Jews. Avraham with the HEY fuels us together. Ever wonder why we are called children of Avraham and not the children of Noach (non-Jews). Because Noach had children naturally, he was part and parcel with the natural state of the world. We have an unnatural and illogical existence; we were crucified, humiliated, and tortured throughout history. However, we never lost hope; we were tenacious and we never gave up. So G-d remembers Avraham’s ability to spread G-d’s name and being a model example of what a Jew is all about. The acts of kindness were passed down through the generations to us. G-d looks at us and that particular potential to manifest itself through our personality. Then it would remind Him of our forefather, Avraham.

* Malchiot

Ever wonder why we do not say one slicha – please forgive me – on Rosh Hashanah. Why don’t we bang on our heart like we do on Yom Kippur? Nevertheless, it’s the big time, Judgment Day. How is it Judgment Day if you’re eating such delicious foods via three course meals? When I was a young care-free fellow, the tradition was I would buy a new suit every Rosh Hashanah; that’s Judgment Day? Maybe one is being judged by friends on who bought the nicest clothes at bargain prices. Who got more bang for their buck this holiday season? The cheap is to pay Jamaica Avenue prices and have the Hugo Boss, Fifth Avenue look and quality. In essence, though, Rosh Hashanah is designed that way; it’s designed to feel like royalty. Everybody in shul is on their best behavior, dressed to the tee; one feels like royalty.

ME ZEH MELECH HAKAVOD – who is the king that’s wrapped in honor, in royalty? He’s the one who gets the KAVOD. The KAVOD is due to him. G-d is the king. However, if the king has no followers, his kingship is weakened. His people are the ones who raise the volume and strengthen his rulership. If not, they are not needed. So it’s our responsibility to make a tremendous kavod in His honor all year round, especially on Rosh Hashanah. We wear the fine clothes, cook fine foods and we feel good about ourselves. We feel like royalty. What a great feeling, right? By enhancing and indulging in the royalty, one is enhancing G-d. However, it’s important to think, “I am doing this for G-d.” All the clothes, the food, the feel-good is all for G-d. This is the frame of mind we should have on Rosh Hashanah when we pronounce MELECH – King – at every juncture of our prayer. All this material beauty is all for You, G-d.

The greatest teshuva – repentance – that ever occurred was by one of the three central characters:

The Matriarch, Sarah

When the three angels arrived to Avraham’s home and proclaimed, “Sarah and you will have a child”, Sarah upon hearing them from the back, by the door, laughed. We’re going to have kids – that’s funny. Apparently, G-d didn’t find her reaction too amusing and asked her, “Why did you laugh?  Do you doubt I have the ability to do so, the ability to change your mazal?” Sarah answered something very startling, “I didn’t laugh.” “What do you mean you didn’t laugh? Are you lying in front of the Almighty? That’s chutzpah!!!”  What is startling is that she meant it! Sarah was completely sincere that she didn’t laugh.  “HAYOM HARAT OLAM” We say in the Mussaf Amida prayer “today”. Today, I am a different person. I totally regret what I did, to an extent, to such a level that I disengage, dis-associate myself from the person who sinned. Although I take responsibility, however, that’s not me anymore; I’ve changed; I would never do those things again. With all the regret that was in her heart, she meant it. How else would one explain her naming her son Yitzchak; Yitzchak means laughter. Is it possible she would name her child after a sin? That would constitute the highest level of audacity. However, the name will forever be associated with the highest level of teshuvah – repentance – performed by our matriarch, Sarah.

 

Yitzchak

Yitzchak’s special quality was how he prayed. No one prayed with such intensity as Yitzchak did. When his bride-to-be, Rivka, arrived and she saw him for the first time, she fell off her camel, because she saw him at the time when he was in the middle of prayer. It left such an impression that she was struck with such fear and awe of him for the rest of her life. When one makes the leap and becomes religious, this individual’s prayer is beloved in G-d’s eyes more-so than the prayer of one that has been religious all his life. One may think such was the case with Rivka who came from a house of reshayim. Rivka’s strong character and extreme kindness was quite the opposite of her family. One can only imagine how difficult it was for her to live in her father’s house; she was a unique individual, a tzadakus. Rivka’s prayers rattled the heavens. However, it was Yitzchak’s prayers that were accepted, in which, enabled them to have children, because he prayed with intensity.

The Test

G-d injected Avraham with such a love for his son, Yitzchak, like no other, which made the test extremely difficult.

These three characters showed such devotion to G-d; such devotion and love to each other, that they’ve taken human potential to an unprecedented level. We are proud to say we are their offspring and offspring inherit the character traits, the genes of their ancestors. So if they were outstanding, we too, have the credentials and potential to reach them. G-d, then should give us the benefit of the doubt; after all, we’re a chip off the old block.

With these three methods, we hope that it would be sufficient for a good Judgment Day. The next part of repentance is Yom Kippur.

 

Yom Kippur

July 25, 2013 High Holidays No comments
 

Throughout many of our prayers, the style that our great sages evoked is to have a poem, a piyut before we start. The reason is to warm the hearts of the one praying. We are not robots, we need something to get us in the mood, to get the emotions going. So we begin with a piyut. Here we begin with LECHA ELI written by the Even Ezra.

 

How appropriate to start off Yom Kippur with Kol Nidrai. Man was given special powers over the other living creatures of the world. He was given a gift; the power of speech. Unfortunately, it’s hard not to abuse it even though our tongue is wrapped with teeth and a second layer of lips. It still manages to escape and put its foot in its mouth. Kol Nidrai tries to annul our careless misuse of our mouth.

 

* Introduction to Slichot
Betzalel, the builder of the Tabernacle in the wilderness, knew how to combine the letters (the Hebrew letters) with which heaven and earth were created. This is how he configured to build the temple. It is written in the mystic sefarim, “If the letters were to remove themselves for an instant and return to their source, the entire heaven will be an obsolete vacuum.” The Hebrew letters are the building blocks, the foundation of the world. One can understand the essence of a person through his name which consists of a combination of the alef bet. So it wasn’t the physical strength which enabled Betzalel to succeed in enacting the temple; it was the knowledge and expertise on configuration the letters.
Chas v’shalom – if we sin, these spiritual letters are erased or damaged. These are the same letters that enlighten the neshama, that the spiritual and physical world depend on. How do we fix it? How do we correct the letters?

If one notices many of the peyutim, paragraphs- poems, are in alphabetical order Alef till taf, taf till alef (A-Z, Z-A) The philosophy is to fix the damage by reciting the letters in KEDUSHA form and in a proper state of mind, therefore, creating a positive force. Then one will re-organize, re-configure, re-structure the letters properly and fix the damage. So we find throughout the Slichot, actual in our everyday Tefillot – prayer as well, this format. A few examples: ASHRAI, ANSHAI EMUNA AVADU, ADON HASELICHOT. So it’s important to realize what the chachamim are trying to accomplish. By reinventing the letters again, it will give us a fighting chance.

 

 

* BEN ADAM

This prayer is referring to Yona, the prophet, who did not want to perform his task out of fear that the Jews will not repent. So he basically tried to phase himself out of the picture, thinking that G-d does not reveal, talk to His prophets at sea. Yona fled and took refuge on a ship. As the ship sailed, though, G-d brought upon a bad storm. People on board were terrified. The passengers and crew figured it must be someone on board that’s the cause of their misfortunes. So each one prayed to their G-d. However, none of their prayers were answered. “Someone didn’t pray.” So they searched the entire ship and they found Yona asleep. This is the basis of the prayer. “Hey man! Why are you asleep? Go call, pray to your G-d!” Before one knows it, time, life marches on. So go call your G-d before it’s too late.

 

 

* THE THIRTEEN ATTRIBUTES OF MERCY

This is the main part of slichot. The Rosh Hashanah method was malchiot, shofrot, and zichronot. Here we are shifting methods. It’s a great strategy of “Doing it for the merit of our fathers.” However, that doesn’t always work. Its limited.

VA YA AVOR HASHEM AL PANAV – G-d passed before him and proclaimed. He taught Moshe something essential, vital for survival. When Moshe was on Mount Sinai to receive the Torah, G-d showed Moshe the method and the text of the special prayer that will always invoke his mercy, unlimited RACHAMIM. G-d said “When Israel sins, let them perform the order of this prayer and I shall forgive them.” An important note, it says perform, besides recitation; one also has to perform acts of mercy with others in order to receive mercy. Only then will G-d respond.

When someone loses a close loved one, one goes through tremendous hardship in the beginning. The mere thought of the one who had passed on evokes a sharp, stinging, uncomfortable pain. As time goes on, though, the memory of the loved one is there; however, the traumatic experience has softened quite a bit. Our forefather, Yaakov, made a promise to G-d after he got up from his dream, “If G-d takes care of his servant, Yaakov, then the stone will be a covenant to you.” Apparently, Yaakov got tangled some twenty years plus in the house of his crooked father-in-law, Lavan. G-d then approached Yaakov and asked “Why did you forget your promise?” He answered, “I didn’t forget.” What did G-d mean when He said “Why did you forget?” Yaakov forgot the feeling. You don’t feel now as when you felt then. REMEMBER – ZACHOR – memory has different levels. If one wants to remember a deceased loved one with the same intensity, then he has to work, meditate to bring back that feeling. Measure for measure, G-d remembers us the same way we remember Him. Appropriately, ZACHOR LANU is sung by the chazan with intensity to jar up feelings and memories.

 

THE AVODA
The Avoda re-enacts the entire crucial ceremony of the high priest entering the holy of holies where he will find out the fate of the nation for the upcoming year. If the prayers were accepted, then the high priest departs from the holy of holies alive and everybody is happy. We also go into detail of the sacrifices that occurred on this holy day. Interesting to note that one she-goat is sacrificed and the other is thrown off a cliff apparently given to azzazel – the devil. Why do we practice this? Do we really have to give something to the devil? As a result of Adam’s sin, nothing in this world is 100% good; there is always a negativity attached. An example, when we eat food, no matter how much nourishment it provides, a person will always have to relieve himself. Again, it’s the result of the punishment. So, too with the she-goat. It’s a reminder to us of the negativity that was brought upon the world.
NE’ILA
Ne’ila is the most important prayer of the year. It has to be said BEN HASHMASHOT which is between sunset and nightfall. This is the time when Adam and Chava sinned and brought death onto the world. We are trying to prevent death. The in-between time is always a crucial and intense time of life and we are often tested. When traveling and one is in between destinations, it is often dangerous, so one should say special prayers to prevent harm. There is tremendous rewards if one passes the test “in-between”. For this reason, NE’ILA is a very important tefila. Even when one departs from this world and is in between life and death, a person is tested one last time. The Mystics say it’s the ultimate test; in fact, all the marbles are being placed on the poker table. When one dies, he first goes through this momentary scary nothingness. The Satan approaches the individual and tries to convince him, “You see, there’s nothing here, it was all a farce. There is no heaven and there is no hell and there is certainly no G-d.” If at that point the individual is convinced, he loses everything. All the good he did in this world is wiped out. The crucial in-between time has to be approached very carefully and prudently.
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