Spark of Jewish Experience

If there is one night an American secular Jew could relate to a gentile’s Thanksgiving Day, is Passover eve ‘the Seder’. It’s a night where family travels from all over the world to be together. But besides being a wonderful family reunion, it is also a powerful night spiritually, connecting to G-d and unifying us as one nation. Every so often one hears an interesting thought which is inspiring.

This was the case many years ago hearing a d’var Torah from Rabbi Feivel Wagner z”l of the Young Israel of Forest Hills. He started the d’rasha (speech) by asking ‘why do we call it Seder?’ and he replied ‘Seder means order’. The sages created the proper order so we can elevate ourselves on this holy night. Rabbi Wagner began to explain the sequence from the beginning of the night: Kiddush is making the blessing on the wine; urchatz is washing your hands without a blessing; karpas is a vegetable (either celery or potato), dipped in salt water; yachatz is breaking of the middle matzah and magid is telling of the story of how we were slaves. But wait, how do the Rabbis proclaim the evening is in order when it seems like it’s out of sequence? Perhaps, karpas – the dipping of the vegetable in salt water, should be incorporated into magid – the telling of the story or our enslavement in Egypt. Apparently, isn’t that telling of the story?

We know from experience how meticulous our sages can be. Everything they wrote in the Siddur was carefully orchestrated and fit perfectly into its proper slot in the prayer.  So too, one would expect the pattern of preciseness at the Seder also. They are very smart; they won’t leave anything uncovered. Ahh, these Rabbi’s…. they always have a motive for everything. They always have something up their sleeves. Did they get careless here? So why is it out of sequence?

Our holy and smart sages did put the sequence in the right order. To understand the proper sequence of events, we have to back track years before the Jews entered Egypt, to the book of Genesis parshat vayeshev. There was jealousy against Joseph by his brothers who were the twelve sons of Jacob, our Patriarch. Joseph received an exclusive coat for a present by Jacob, which fueled the fire of jealousy and divided the brothers even more. The brothers decided to sell Joseph; but how would they explain their action to Jacob? Yehuda, the leader among the brothers, devised a plan; lying to his father by telling him a wild animal killed Joseph and showing Jacob the present, the ripped coat dipped in blood. The dipping of the coat was the climax of the hate and division toward their brother Joseph. Dipping is the action that broke the camel’s back and started the exile. Therefore the dipping of karpas, which the commentary Rashi defines, a coat, symbolizes the negative action of Yehuda and the brothers and one reason we’re in exile.

Someone wrote to me last week about my article titled ‘Passover Custom’ where I wrote how important it is to keep our traditions and customs because, apparently when eating over a friend’s house, the traditions could differ. So as a precautionary measure, one has to be careful when eating out. This person had a very strong question; this meticulous caution breeds disunity he proclaimed. I would like to add and make his question stronger by stating what audacity I have by alluding that the brothers were wrong in selling Joseph and dividing the family, while in last week’s article, I encouraged caution at eating by the brethrens, seemingly causing division.

One has to realize that respecting your fellow Jew’s customs and not forcing your traditions on him is the ultimate love and unity one can express. Joseph was different. It’s not so strange that brothers are not on the same page. Perhaps they weren’t sensitive enough to understand his personality. Perhaps Joseph too, should have realized his actions and words would cause a negative reaction from them.

My father z”l once raised my right hand and said ‘you see son, are any of your fingers the same? Different size, shape. But all the fingers on the hand work in unison. So too, people.  We are all different, and when we realize and respect each other’s quirkiness then we will be a unified nation’.

Rabbi Olbaum, in quoting the book, Or Yael, asks a question: What does G-d love most about Abraham, our patriarch? Abraham was the first to recognize G-d; he had ten tests and passed them all and he publicly displayed his belief; he didn’t hide it by putting his kippah in his pocket. But the one item on a most impressive resume was his ability to pass down the tradition to his sons and grandsons. We learn it out from Parshat Vayera 19:18; ‘I know he will command his children and household’.

There are so many reasons why G-d can love Abraham – so why this one? Although, it is important, so is ‘welcoming guests’, ‘mastering kindness’ just to name a few of his many virtues. So it’s a little puzzling why this particular one is singled out. The Chafetz Chaim says ‘a person can be the most pious Jew and live an entire life learning Torah in his private domain, but if he doesn’t pass it down to his children, friends, students and neighbors, the word of G-d will disappear. Abraham had the ability, had the gift, which no one before him could.

The Haggadah introduces us to the four sons and one may ask: what’s the motive? What’s the moral lesson that the sages want to bring out? A person should realize that one of the primary goals of the Seder are the children, and we have to be in tune and read between the lines of the questions they ask.

We can deduce wisdom and interest from the detailed question of the Chacham (intelligent son). There is a sense of sincerity in his tone. The tone of the voice is essential to read what they are really trying to say.

Next is the Rasha (wicked); one might say the fact that he’s asking a question at all, is wonderful. There is no such thing as a bad question, one may think. Well, as long as there is an open channel for an answer, then yes. However, that question might be a statement; therefore, the lines of communication are closed. By the tone and attitude, the Rasha is not very open minded and not interested in hearing answers. His question has a negative connotation by excluding himself by speaking of ‘you’ and not ‘us’; therefore, his statement is understood as criticism. The statement or the very act of separating oneself from the Jewish people is a form of separation from G-d.

With all of this bad attitude, the Rasha is surprisingly number two. Although he’s dangerous and his aura can spread, it will not be a good idea to leave him with the kids. However, there is a famous gemarah that tends to give some hope. The example they give is when Haman, who wanted to destroy the Jews, went to find Mordechai. He found him teaching Torah in a classroom where he had a brief curiosity. The Talmud tells us that the genealogy makeup of being curious – no matter how brief – can be manifested itself years later in great grandchildren.

This is quite the opposite with the fourth son who has no ambition, no curiosity, and might end up being an inactive Rasha. He’s not curious to be interested. This leaves us with the third son who is curious and takes upon himself some sort of commitment of Torah. But his intellect is limited. But every so often, he gets a spark of energy where the teacher has to take advantage before he hibernates for another length of time.

What we’re hoping for is sincere curiosity from their questions and this is what we bait the kids for. But how do we accomplish that? If you observe closely and see how the Torah handles each son individually, each one got a different response. We learn from the sages the importance of handling each child in a different way. It’s a tremendous injustice to teach using the same technique. The optimal choice is every individual should get a different approach to education. It may not be so practical but it is needed.

The Vilna Gaon says some kids like blood and knives, so one has to guide them toward being a mohel or a shochet. There are children that can’t sit still. I remember learning in yeshiva where guys would pace from one end of the study hall to the other. Some of the greatest minds had the greatest pacing. What would one do? Would you tie them up to the seat? NO!! That would destroy them. Let them walk the halls; this is how they learn.

We learn from the sages to approach every child differently. This was Abraham’s method; his extreme sensitivity toward ones personality, and that is why he succeeded to pass down the torch.