Tag Archive for Kavod

Manipulation: dangerous or productive.

June 4, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of  Rabbi’s  Chaim Wagner, Dr. Abba Goldman
The great man! G-d empowered him with the ability to build or destroy the world. Man has the ability physically as well as spiritually, using the tools given, to make use of G-d’s playground as he wishes. Of course, inevitably, he will have to answer for his actions but for now he’s a free bird.
There is one particular tool that’s very interesting and I’d like to illustrate with a story that actually happened. Unfortunately, it happens quite often. The names and places are changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.
Being single in the Jewish scene is very difficult. There is a lot of pressure in getting married and starting a family. Mazal is mazal, for some it’s easy to find “the one” and for some it’s not so easy. As an Orthodox Jew there is a degree of modesty that one has to adhere to and therefore he/she cannot, for the most part meet their mate anywhere. One goes on numerous blind dates. The credentials of the guy and girl are carefully checked before the two go out. It is rare that one meets his Eshet Chail walking up to her, with a drink in his hand, at a bar. The pick-up line, among the Orthodox is a lot less apparent than in the secular world. However its difficult, at times to stay idle and wait for the matchmaker or friend to call.
At one point, going to the Catskill Mountains for weekend Shabbatons at hotels was considered making an additional attempt. It makes the individual feel good that perhaps he’s making an effort, that perhaps he’s doing something!! The atmosphere, though, is very tense. People bottle up their emotions and try to put up a very happy face when going to a singles social gathering. There is much competition and a lot of hurtful feeling going around when what you perceive to be “the one you would spend a lifetime with” doesn’t agree with your sentiments. However, one cannot visibly display their inner pain. At times those feeling are displayed in a roundabout way.
Ruben and Lee were lounging around the hotel lobby on a Shabbat afternoon bored and a bit tired. They were surrounded by a few friends watching as other guests of the hotel, who were part of a singles Shabbaton, were entering and leaving when a familiar face, Sammy, entered the lobby.
As Sammy made his way and said his hello to the guys, he started to brag, as he usually does, about himself, about his business dealing the past week, and his good fortune he’s having over the weekend, Ruben glanced a smirk to Lee. Lee foresaw exactly what Ruben was going to do as he played along with him.
Ruben interrupted him and began to discuss a mutual friend who also approached the same girl as he did. “And did you know, Lee, they were talking for hours this afternoon” Ruben looked at Lee’s direction, as Lee nodded, yes. Lee, then, chimed in and, on a completely different topic, and said mockingly “and you know David said (a business maven in their circle of friends)” who ever bought the stock Three Star is going to take a bath”. They knew Sammy invested, heavily, in the stock. Ruben and Lee perhaps, perturbed by the weekend anxieties or by the annoyance of Sammy, cleverly and brilliantly engineered the fable story of the girl talking to the other friend as well as David’s prediction of the failed stock.
Ruben and Lee succeeded in accomplishing what they wanted, as Sammy exploded, made an ugly scene, and practically drew out, in a fit of rage, both the manager of the hotel and the program organizer to contain him.
Ruben and Lee knew Sammy had a short fuse; they knew what buttons to push. They were toying with him predicting and placing bets at what precise moment Sammy will lose it. After seeing this display, one is left to wonder are we wolves dressed up like sheep?
Man is made up of a four chemical makeup: fire, water, wind, and sand. Depending on each individual, the chemical makeup differs. If fire is dominant, then a person tendency’s is toward anger or toward pursuit of honor. When fire is lit, if one notices, it tends to go up; the same with a person who desires “kavod” – honor – if he receives just a slight compliment, his ego goes up, and up and away. If one tends to gravitate towards water, then he’s more prone to lusty bodily desires; that’s what’s on his mind. Wind is lightheadedness and sand is laziness and depression.
We read in this week’s parsha about a Nazir – a person who takes a vow to separate oneself from material pleasures. The Nazir may not drink wine or cut his hair. The Nazir is also prohibited in defilement through contact with a dead body.
When we speak about a Nazir the first name that comes to mind is Shimshon the most famous of them all.
Shimshon’s parents’ prayers were answered and after many years, they had a baby boy. However, the messenger, an angel, informed Shimshon’s mother “The baby you will have cannot drink wine and cut his hair.” Shimshon had tremendous strength and the secret of his strength was his “nezerut” (refraining from wine and a good barber).
Shimshon had a tendency to gravitate towards non-Jewish women. His first wife was burned by the Jews’ bitter enemy – Philishtim. His second wife, Delila, also not Jewish, was beautiful and Shimshon was smitten by her. Why did she marry him? Well, he wasn’t exactly your typical Jewish accountant. He was strong and the Philishtim were scared of him.

Delila was genuinely a good person; however, as time went on, she got corrupted. The spies of the Philishtim came over to Delila and offered her tremendous wealth and status. Then after the first meeting went so well, the officers came up to her place. Delila was flattered; she received so much attention and “kavod”. They knew how to manipulate her. A good person can deteriorate. Some say she had an affair; others say she had an affair with the money, with the “kavod”. Delila was sold on being their spy and she went to work for the Philishtim. She was to find out the secret of her husband’s power. She tortured him, refraining from sexual relations unless he reveals his secret. She nagged him and at times crying, “You don’t love me.” Apparently, she knew how to manipulate him. It’s hard for a man to be blackmailed with having physical relations. However, he can overcome and be strong. There was one important factor in this relationship; he loved her more then she loved him and she knew it!
Shimshon was a very holy and great man who was extremely sincere and loved G-d very much. One should never do what Shimshon did; he invited G-d to test his weakness. We tend to get all gung-ho about our religious level and sometimes we pray and say things that will haunt us later. Shimshon eventually revealed his secret and Delila quickly passed it on to the Philishtim contacts. Tragic ending to Shimshon.
At a banquet where all the major officers of the Philishtim army came to celebrate the capture of Shimshon who was chained to the great pillar at the banquet, Shimshon, whose eyes were gorged out, prayed one last time to G-d to forgive him and give him strength this one last time. G-d answered his prayer and with one thrust, he brought down the pillars and the building, and killed everyone, including himself.
Many lessons can be learned from the story of Shimshon and Delila but the one that’s greatly apparent is how manipulation was used to destroy a man. Furthermore the woman who destroyed Shimshon was manipulated herself. The manipulation tactic was aimed at their weakness and succeeded in exposing it.
However, manipulation can be positive. Aharon, Moshe’s brother was, famously known as, a man of peace, who deceived others in order to secure the “shalom” whether it be between husband and wife or friends. Manipulation, we see was a major and successful tool used by the greatest peacemaker of all time.
Interestingly, Yaakov, our forefather knew his future father-in-law, Lavan would try to manipulate him. So he devised a plan revealing to Rachel, the one he loved, secret signs as a precautionary measure just in case Lavan actually does switch Rachel with her sister Leah.
Indeed the switch took place and the next morning, low and behold, it’s Leah. However, we find that Leah wasn’t punished for deceiving and manipulating Yaakov. In fact, one can say it was admirable of her for going through with the charades. She didn’t want to marry a “rasha” like Eisav who she was destined for. So why does the verse say she was “senua”- hated by Yaakov? It was not manipulation at all. When Yaakov asked the next morning “why did you answer “yes” when I called Rachel’s name throughout the night” she responded rudely “I’m just following your example; when you received the “bracha” from your father, you answered deceitfully “I’m your oldest son – Eisav”. This is the reason why Yaakov became distant from Leah.
Manipulation is a way of life; it’s a tool that can be used to make people better or destroy them. Yes, it can reflect a lack of appreciation for another human being. One undermines another’s dignity. The manipulator gets his way in an underhanded manor. It shows a lack of respect. However, we mentioned briefly that Leah raised the issue how Yaakov and his mother, Rivka, conspired to manipulate Yitzchak, his father and that was crucial in the development of the Jewish people. Yitzchak, himself, later realized that he was wrong in favoring Eisav and believing he’s the chosen one.
Granted, in most cases it can lead to trouble, however, the Torah was made for people who have a mind and can reason. Nothing in this world is black and white. One should use prudent judgment and ask advice. G-d gave us all gifts and weaknesses and it’s our job to bring out the positive energy in others whatever which way. It’s also apparent that we must not let our weaknesses be magnified and fall victim to manipulation.
We see through manipulation the nation of Israel was formed. It can build or destroy – the choice is ours.

Parshat Korach

August 2, 2013 Highlights on the Weekly Parsha, Pidyon Haben, The Wife's Influence No comments
First Portion
* Korach was a prominent, distinguished, known to be highly intelligent, and very wealthy (he was one the wealthiest men that ever lived) member of the Leviat tribe who felt slighted by Moshe, the leader of the Jewish nation, for being passed over for a more prominent job in the temple and his tribe. Levi’s son, Kahat, had four sons; Amram, the father of Moshe and Aharon, was the oldest. Next was Yitzhar, who was the father of Korach; then Chevron, and Uziel. Korach was hurt that the son of Uziel the youngest, Elitzafan was picked over him to be the Nassi of the Tribe. They say a woman can destroy a man or she can build him and raise him to spiritual heights. Korach’s wife put salt on the wound and said, “How can you let him do this to you!”; referring to Moshe. She fueled the fire. He would not have dared to oppose Moshe, had it not been for his wife, who inflated her husband’s ego and repeatedly assured him that he was on par with Moshe and Aharon. “You can be a better leader than they; you’re letting him make a fool out of you,” she said. This bad advice caused the downfall of Korach. The Ramban’s view is that the cause of the rebellion was the spies severe punishment which brought death to the generation of the desert. It was this which brought to the surface all the accumulated bitterness of the dissatisfied.Second Portion
* The Sages teach us that neighbors have a tremendous influence on us. Thus is the case with Dassan and Aviram, whose tribe Reuben was situated next to Korach’s residence. He inflamed them against Moshe and the authorities by stating that their tribe too was skipped over from a prominent task in the temple inauguration. “He did not let your Nassi offer his sacrifice first but chose the Nassi of Yehuda, Nachshon ben Aminadav instead. Do you know why? Because his brother married Nachshon’s sister.” Also, he infused uneasiness in their hearts by stating “Why didn’t the tribe of Reuben get the Kehuna. Dassan and Aviram were very vocal in the rebellion against Moshe and Aharon.
* These personal accusations against Moshe prompted him to be defensive. A distressed Moshe countered to G-d, “I didn’t take one donkey of theirs nor have I wronged even one of them.” These accusations against authoritative figures, where they benefit personally without the consent of the congregation from the high community positions, has been an ongoing, and in most cases, unfair. It happened to yours truly early once when I was a volunteer co-gabai and head of my shul’s youth movement. My father warned me never take any community positions. He would frequently mention how my great grandfather was wrongly accused of stealing money from the community shul account which he was in charge of. Apparently, it’s an irresistible automatic reaction of people and a frequent pattern. If one does take money for his time of service, IT’S IMPORTANT THAT THEY SHOULD MAKE IT CLEAR!!!

Third Portion
* Korach, Dassan, Aviram, their families, and all their belongings all perished – as a result of their punishment – a very spectacular and unusual death. The ground opened up and swallowed them up alive, while the two hundred and fifty of his assembly were consumed by fire by G-d.

Fourth Portion
* After the incident of Korach, G-d got angry at the Israelites for accusing Moshe and Aharon of having killed two hundred and fifty men. He brought upon a deadly plaque. The Korach rebellion became a very costly incident. In order to stop the plaque, Moshe quickly ordered Aharon to bring a sacred pan for offering ketores. “Bring burning coals from the exterior altar and heap ketoret upon them. Then, let the smoke of the ketoret ascend to heaven and the plaque will stop.” Apparently, Moshe learned many secrets from the heavens when he went to get the Torah. This particular one he learned from the angel of death. If Moshe were to burn ketoret while standing before the angel of death, he would be prevented from performing his work of destruction.

Fifth Portion
* The incident of the Korach rebellion left a bad taste in everybody’s mouth. It was the first time Jews rebelled against their leaders. Until that point many times, unfortunately, it was the faith in G-d that was in question. Here, Korach succeeded in putting doubt in the leadership. In order to reassure the people that its leaders are legitimate, in particular Aharon, G-d instructed to take twelve rods. On each rod, inscribe the Nassi of the tribe, on the rod of Levi, inscribe Aharon’s name, then place the rods overnight in the Ohel Moed. The staff of the tribe chosen for G-d’s service will blossom. Well guess who won, Aharon. He was the undisputed high priest.

Sixth Portion
* One of the reasons we have salt on our tables when we make the bracha of  hamotzie lechem, (in fact, it’s a custom for it to remain there throughout the meal), is because salt never spoils. It is a symbol of indestructibility. Thus, G-d tells the Kohanim, His covenant with them is eternal as if it had been sealed with salt. It has many functions.  It preserves food; it can burn. It was always found on the Altar. Therefore, it’s found on our altar, our table at home.
* One of the gifts of the kahuna is Pidyon Haben. Every firstborn is holy to G-d. A Jewish father must redeem his firstborn son by giving five shekalim to the Kohen. The commandment applies today. As soon as a newborn reaches thirty days, when he’s considered viable, this ceremony is performed. If it is not done at the thirty days, it can be performed at a later time. This is one of the ways we acknowledge G-d. At the most joyous time in a man’s life when he becomes a father, we acknowledge that whatever we possess, in reality, belongs to G-d. A person’s first acquisition is usually the most precious in his eyes. Therefore, we give the first to G-d to demonstrate He is the true owner of all that we have.

Seventh Portion
*The concept of tithes is introduced.

Parshat Shelach

May 5, 2013 Highlights on the Weekly Parsha, Uncategorized No comments

“A Cup of Coffee 

 

&

A Quick Thought”

 

 
Steaming Cup of Coffee
Spark Of Jewish Experience
 
 Shelach

June 16, 2011

14 Sivan, 5771

Dear Friends,

The first article, “The Spy Who Loved Me”, is based on a lecture called “Jewish Spy in History” written by Rabbi Avi Matmon.

A special thanks to Joey Garelic for editing and to the Afikim staff for all their help.
In This Issue
The Spy Who Loves Me
Shelach

The Spy Who Loves Me
spy

 

 

One of the main stages of the Sephardic (Bukharin) cantorial recitation is the reading of the prayer “Nishmat kol chai” on Shabbat morning. I remember my father and I anxiously preparing to go to Synagogue, trying to get there before the Chazzan starts the Shacharit prayer. Moreover, when the high holidays arrived, the excitement was even greater having guest Chazzanim like Yigal ben Chaim and Eli Balchioff who happen to be regarded as from the best of their generation. It was a pleasure and a privilege to hear them recite “Nishmat kol chai.” It was without a doubt a tremendously moving and inspiring experience.

 One may ask, why is Nishmat the measuring stick of the cantorial recital? The prayer Nishmat is so important that if one comes late to services and the congregation is reciting this particular prayer at that point, he must recite it with them and delay his own prayer from the beginning part of the teffilah which he missed, due to being late. Furthermore, the sages say, Nishmat is the jump start of the “neshema yetera” (the additional soul which one receives on Shabbat that elevating us to a holier level).
 What is it that is so special about this particular prayer?  In order to reveal the understanding of the prayer of ‘Nishmat’ we have to look back at a little Jewish history.Approximately 2000 years ago an off-shoot religion, Christianity, was just stemming from Judaism. The Great Sanhedrin (the 71 judges of the great court of Israel) was led by their president, Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel. He discreetly approached a fellow by the name of Shimon Kaffa concerning a very important mission. Apparently the Jewish leaders were very concerned that their people might abandon Judaism for this new Christianity. They wanted Kaffa to infiltrate their hierarchy of the Church. His mission was to make a clear distinction between the two religions, so that Jews will not err and be lured in, believing it is just another stream of Judaism and a valid form of Jewish worship.
After many years of being undercover Shimon Kaffa became one of the primary players of Christianity. Some say he was none other than Peter. (Although history is a bit unclear at that time, many maintain that this is in fact accurate.) While the spy business can be exiting, it is very dangerous in many ways. It happened that Shimon Kaffa’s true identity was revealed and soon thereafter he was tortured and executed. He did, however, succeed in his mission. Under his influence, the Christian Sabbath was changed from Judaism’s Saturday to Sunday; Jesus was specifically and individually labeled the son of G-d (note that all Jews are labeled as G-d’s children); the Christian messiah did and will not come from a natural human being as Judaism commands, but rather a supernatural creation resulting form immaculate conception. These differences were stark and were sufficient to make it clear to Jews that Christianity was indeed a separate entity and not merely a new flavor of Judaism. Thankfully, Shimon Kaffa skillfully crafted these fundamental deviations from Torah Judaism so that only a minute few Jews expressed interest in following Christianity.
Perhaps a good example which will clarify my point is a motion picture based on a true story called “Donny Brosko.” The film depicts an undercover police officer who infiltrates the mob. In the beginning of his assignment the officer wore his badge while not undercover with pride; “I’m doing the right thing” was the impression he conveyed.  There was a clear distinction between right and wrong – good guy versus bad guy. Dr. Goldman, the psychologist at Yeshiva Chaffetz Haim, says that even when there is a clear cut right and wrong, people are very sensitive and are affected by the social influences surrounding them. The spy is a lone believer in his values surrounded by those with diametrically opposed views.  His only venue of expression is internal given his hostile surroundings. This presents a major problem according to Dr. Goldman. While pretending to be somebody else with polar opposite values, often times the spy himself can wind up inevitably questioning his original set of values and ideologies. It takes a very high level of conviction and devotion to one’s own values to maintain such pretence over a period of time. “Frankly,” Dr Goldman says, “it is almost impossible.” On a subconscious level, intellectual dishonesty does not sit well with human nature.
The police officer in the film did in fact begin to sympathize with some of the mob members. At a startling moment in the film, he smacks his wife which was tremendously out of character for his regular self. Was it possible that his true self was being sucked into his fictitious persona? Perhaps his intellectual armor was cracking and as with many, he begins to think and act like those around him. Perhaps he, like others, begins to actually embrace his new identity. After all, that’s the reason his superiors selected him in the first place, because they felt he would be “perfect” for the part.
At the conclusion of the film when the officer received his medal of citation for a successful mission by sending those mob members to prison, he conveyed an expression of uneasiness and a sense of guilt. What happened to his strong ideology? One has to realize the enormous difficulty of a spy’s mission. How difficult it is to maintain one’s beliefs and ideology in such an atmosphere!
This has all been quite interesting, but how does this story relate to the point I am trying to speak about? It relates quite strongly as it was none other than Shimon Kaffa who wrote “Nishmat kol chai.”  This prayer is about ultimate appreciation of G-d through the eyes of a Jew.  Perhaps he wanted to show that even though I am away from my people and cannot express my true feelings outwardly I am still able to maintain my allegiance to G-d and to the Jewish people – a most difficult and daunting task for him. We, therefore, sing this prayer outwardly as a congregation; whereas Shimon Kaffa could only scream it inwardly with silent devotion to G-d. We do this not only as a tribute to Shimon Kaffa’s mission but to show that whatever situation we are in, we must find away to appreciate G-d, for He is the true epicenter of our lives. G-d created human nature such that Shabbat morning a person reaches the highest level of spirituality as well physical and mental relaxation. Shimon Kaffa paved the road for us to use ‘Nishmat’ as a tool to get close to G-d at a very lofty level. And that is what inspired my father and continues to inspire me.  May we all be so inspired every Shabbat morning.

Shelach
 self power

In this week’s Torah reading, the Israelites were about to enter the land of Israel. It was long anticipated because of the promise G-d gave our forefathers, Avraham, Yitzhak and Yaakov that their children will enter and inherit the land of milk and honey. Despite G-d’s overt declaration, the Jews were still apprehensive and concerned of the dangerous inhabitants that were rumored to be roaming the land. So they asked their leader, Moshe, to send reconnaissance spies to tour the land and to report if their fears were founded or unfounded.

        The report came back with only the exception of two of the 12 spies who represented each respective tribe, that their fears were justified. This only increased the fears of the Jewish people. The spies were not truthful with their findings and their motives were tainted. As a result they were punished severely with death. The Sages explain their motive was the concern that their high positions held in the dessert would be in jeopardy once they entered the Land. Losing their kavod (honor) was the primary motive for their despicable act.
       Scripture describes these men as tzadikim, top guns, and the cream of the crop. These men were leaders as well as torah scholars. How then could they have erred so egregiously? Furthermore, it is hard to believe that these men were hand picked by the greatest leader of all time – Moshe Rabbeinu with the approval none other than G-d! Something must have taken place between the time they were selected and the time they returned. What happened? What changed?
       Rav Dessler questions in his book Michtav Me’eliyahu, what propelled these otherwise honorable men to decline to a level of feeling that it was a imperative to maintain their position (kavod) to the extent of filing a malicious report? Obviously, the spies considered this an important and dangerous mission and they were proud of their appointment to this tough task. After all, they were performing G-d’s mission. Rav Dessler contends that what tends to happen is that one often times get too caught up in a new appointment and that one forgets about the most obvious, being careful to protect oneself. In a way, a person can be very vulnerable. He lets his guard down and forgets about his basic fundamental manners and sensitivities towards others. People may feel that because they are doing a mitzvah for G-d, that they now have the license to step on anybody and anything to achieve their G-dly mission. As a result, they become insensitive and hurt people along the way.
       Rav Yisrael Silanter mentions an episode where a man was walking to synagogue on Yom Kippur and he was praying on the way. A fellow Jew stops him and asks him for the time. The response was of one of agitation and anger. The one who was praying ignored him “I’m on a holy mission – I’m praying to G-d.” This person ignored the need of someone else because he was so preoccupied with his own prayer.
      I remember every Sunday morning they had baseball games organized by the New York Synagogue baseball league. This fellow was in charge of our Synagogue (Bet Hakneset) team. Unfortunately, he took the volunteer leadership role a little too seriously. He removed a close friend of his from his second base position and asked him to leave the team because he wasn’t good enough. “I am managing this team to win” he said. He did not realize the objective of the organized baseball league was to have fun and relax on a Sunday early morning and bring all the kids together in a spirit of sportsmanship teaching them to relate better with one another in all aspects of life. It seems that the drive to be anointed as the winner above one’s peers is hereditary. When one is appointed to a responsible position often times their teeth grow long and sharp, their ears grow a little long and their jaw extends downward. The human element disappears.
      Rav Dessler writes when one lets his guard down even just a little, it opens the door to negativity. In the situation of the spies, it was overlooking and neglecting an individual conscience awareness which helps protect oneself daily. This led them to entertain the thought of “not losing my status and kavod” as they were preoccupied with trying to be the best and most honored spies out there.
      Life is full of opportunities and growth. One has to realize when taking these progressive steps not to overlook a very important person – “yourself.” This is not necessarily in the conventional sense of self power. Quite to the contrary, it is in the sense that one must be vigilant not to let success and honor go to one’s head to extent that it is nurtured and sought after at the expense of all else. One must be careful to protect one’s “midot” or virtues and realize that there is a larger picture beyond ones self. It was Yehoshua Bin-Nun from the tribe of Efraim and Nachshon ben Aminadav representing the tribe of Yehuda that held true to themselves and ultimately true to their people and G-d. This is a lesson we can learn from the spies and to mirror the acts of Yehoshua and Nachshon in our own lives.
Sincerely,
Rabbi Avi Matmon
Spark of Jewish Experience

Parshat Tzav

May 3, 2013 Highlights on the Weekly Parsha, Uncategorized No comments

“A Cup of Coffee 

 

&

A Quick Thought”

 

 

 

 
Steaming Cup of Coffee
Spark Of Jewish Experience
 
 Tzav

March 17, 2011

11 Adar II, 5771

Dear Friend,

 

 

Let’s welcome the holiday of PURIM!!!!!

Purim
In This Issue
Pursuit of Honor
Importance of Eating a Meal and Drinking Wine on Purim

Pursuit of Honor

 
King Haman

 

          Our sages teach us, there are certain character flaws which one possesses that are so destructive ‘it could take you out of this world’. In other words, one can be thrown off course and lose any line of reasoning, any happiness, and any satisfaction, because of this deficiency.

A prime example is the wicked Haman who presumably had everything and yet felt he had nothing. Here is a man who was second in command to the king of the most powerful nation in the world and worshiped by all subjects of the vast super power Persian Empire; however, he was not satisfied with everything because one Jew, Mordechai, would not bow down to him. How could it be that Haman even noticed the lack of this miniscule amount of honor amidst the overwhelming flood of glory that was his? Perhaps, if not for the dangerous predicament our ancestors were in, the way he conducted himself through his obsession would have been observed as quite humorous.

Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz zt”l explains that one is never able to achieve satisfaction through honor. As much honor as you will receive, you will find yet more that you must have, and so your craving will never be satisfied. It’s like a cat chasing after his own tail.

One of the most wicked kings our People ever had was Yeravam ben Navat. Here was an individual who was quite charismatic, a tremendous orator and extremely knowledgeable in Torah; yet he brought our people to sin in a tremendous way. He was also one of the parties responsible for dividing the Jewish nation into two entities. The motives of his actions were purely for the pursuit of honor. He is one of the few individuals who will not have a share in the world to come. Once G-d approached him and pleaded to Yeravam, “Please repent and I’ll arrange for you, me, and Ben Yishai (King David) to stroll in Gan Eden (heaven)”. And he answered “Who’s first, me or Ben Yishai?” “Ben Yishai” G-d replied. “I’m not interested”, said Yeravam. Is it possible Yeravam would give up this great opportunity of eternal pleasure for not going before David? The sages note he was destined to be before Ben Yishai in Gan Eden but because he had the audacity to ask, he was put second. Our sages write, “Those who chase honor, honor will run away from them”. Rabbi Akiva Tatz teaches us an important lesson in human insights. He says, “As man gets older, his desire for physical pleasures for women decreases. However, as compensation, there is an increased desire for honor”.

There are many lessons one can learn from the story of Purim. But one lesson that is relevant to all of us is the unconscious pursuit of honor. Haman ruined his life and the life of others for that desire, and it’s frightening, because to some degree we are all prone to get tested by it at some time.

Importance of Eating a Meal and Drinking Wine on Purim
 Fried Whiting (fish)

Why is it important to have a meal on Purim? Perhaps one may ask an even stronger question. Why is it recommended to drink wine until the point of intoxication? This is uncharacteristic of the Jewish People. Jackie Mason had a funny line –  “Goyim like to drink and Jews like to eat”.  But Jews are not drinkers. Presumably, we may be knowledgeable in all the good and expensive scotches, and can rattle off a list of the fanciest wines at the most elegant restaurants. However, thank G-d for the most part, we talk more than we drink. We take pride in our traditions and try to connect and emulate with the generations before us. There is a famous concept; ‘The deeds of fathers are signs for children’. What’s important to note is that we also try to correct the flaws of our ancestors. And that’s the underlying reason why the meal takes place.

Mordechai, the leader of the Jewish People, decreed that absolutely no one should attend the party of King Achashverosh. But many Jews didn’t listen and accepted the invitation, angering G-d, and thus the Jewish troubles began. On Purim we try to correct ‘the meal’ by eating, drinking and rejoicing with the purest intentions, unlike our ancestors who ate and became intoxicated, drinking wine in a negative way.

There is another reason why we indulge in a lavish feast on Purim. One might wonder why there is no mention of a feast on Chanukah. After all, we were saved from the hands of the Greeks. (On Chanukah we actually get away cheap with latkes and jelly doughnuts!) So why not have the meat and the wine and the whole nine yards on Chanukah? The reason is that the Greeks’ intentions were to destroy us spiritually by abolishing our religion, but sparing the physical body. However, Haman wanted to destroy us both spiritually and physically. Therefore, we elevate our physicality with the finest foods the world can offer. The body and the soul are part and parcel, so eating and drinking with pleasure with all the proper brachot, is ideal.

Symbolism plays a major importance in our religion and that’s another reason why we have the Purim meal. The one moment in which the events turned in our favor, was at the meal at the end of the Megillah with Queen Esther, King Achashverosh, and Haman eating and drinking wine. Esther revealed her origin and accused Haman of trying to kill her People. The Jewish luck changed. Therefore, we commemorate the meal with the finest, hoping our luck will change for the better.

The simple explanation of the passage “When wine goes in, the secret comes out”, is, when people get drunk, they blurt out what is in their heart, which is often embarrassing. Rabbi Akiva Tatz has a different explanation quoting the mystics. “What’s the secret”? He explains, “When wine goes in, one sees life in a clearer picture. He becomes more spiritual, discovering deep ideas and a thinking pattern that can never be expressed with words. Words are limited; they are specific, and one who consumes wine can never express the feelings he experiences”.

One important note; there is a fine line between a spiritual high on wine and being drunk. When wine is being consumed, it has the uncanny ability to lift any fear and paranoia that exists, resulting in a tremendous bond between friends. Our sages mentioned that when we received the Torah, we were unified ‘as one nation like one heart’. G-d loves unity, thereby elevating us to a very high spiritual level. The one time this level was surpassed was on Purim. Wine is symbolic of unity.

 
Sincerely,
Rabbi Avi Matmon
Spark of Jewish Experience