Tag Archive for Leadership

Should I take on more responsibility?

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s      Akiva Grunblatt, Baruch Dopelt, Yossi Bilus, Yitzchak Aminov, Dr. Abba Goldman

Regret was eating him up as his critics approached Pharaoh with disapproval, snickering gestures and complained “How can you let the Jews go?” Human nature is such that that it allows peer pressure to seep through the armor of logic. Although, it was just yesterday that the Egyptians were removing frogs out of their soup. It seems like one tends to forget these minor annoyances. When it was known, a little while later, that the Israelites are heading toward the sea and appear lost, all eyes turned to Pharaoh. “Nu? What’s now?” as the generals relishing an opportunity.

 Pharaoh, forgetting all the signs that G-d has shown, turned with new charged vigor, and roared:  “Gather your horses and your armor, we got them!!”
 The Israelites, under the leadership of Moshe, approached the sea. “Now what” some of the critics bellowed. It seems – everybody has critics. Perhaps, at times, that’s necessary; it keeps you on your toes. It’s also important, for it gives one a perspective one may have overlooked.   Although, at times, if one gives in to the pressure and goes against his original decision, it might not work out quite well.
 The “now what” became amplified with a very worried concern attached to it as the Israelites heard rumbling sounds behind them. The Egyptian army was approaching full force toward them. It seems like the Jews were trapped. There was no place to go but the sea. Moshe’s response to the Jewish people was that “G-d wants us to go through the sea”. However, no one dared to take such an illogical step.
 Well, what is logic? Is our religion – logical or perhaps not? Perhaps, religion is a belief which defies logic. Perhaps, belief becomes the logic?
If one believes in something and knows that it’s 100% full-proofs right and doesn’t act on it because of what others might think… is he insulting himself? He might have regret and say: “I am missing out on what I truly believe in, and I know it’s right!”
 There was one person who understood that belief in G-d overrides nature. Many, who were present there – believed in G-d and that He runs the world, but were hesitant to take that plunge into the sea. They, perhaps, knew that jumping in the water was the right path to take but… were afraid. However, one individual had the courage to act on his belief. One person was the first to take the risk. One person was willing to boldly go and lead the Jews into uncharted territory. That individual was Nachshon ben Aminadav.
 The waters reached his mouth as he plunged into the sea when it suddenly split. One of the greatest on sights, open miracles in the history of mankind occurred… propelled by Nachshon ben Aminadav.
 By examining this courageous act of Nachshon we can learn something tremendous that can improve our lives and strengthen our character. Rabbi Akiva Grunbatt brings up the following question and answer where then we can fully understand Nachshon’s actions.
 There are four individuals who died because of the sin of the snake and nothing else. They never sinned. Can one imagine that an individual can live an entire lifetime and be sin-free?! Benyamin, the first, Yaacov’s twelfth son; Yishay, he was the father of King David: Kalev, he was one of the Jewish spies that entered Israel while the Israelites were in the dessert. Amram rounds out the quartet; he was Moshe – our greatest leader’s father.
 However, a strong question is asked, when one makes a MESHEH BERACH AVOTAINU-a special prayer invoking G-d’s mercy, it does not include any of the righteous people that never sinned!!
 We say MISHEH BERACH AVOTAINU: AVRAHAM, YITZCHAK, YAACOV etc. Why don’t we say instead BENYAMIN, YISHAI, KALEV and AMRAM? After all, these tzadikim were great; they never sinned.
We learn an important fundamental lesson, greatness cannot be measured by lack of sin; we look at the accomplishments. To do what you’re supposed to do is beautiful, however, to take the extra step, to go the extra mile; to take upon more responsibility is the road to greatness!!
 As a matter of fact, once one takes upon oneself the extra responsibility, he discovers hidden KOCHOT-strengths. If one looks at some of our great leaders’ lifestyle, one wonders – how do they find time? How are they able to cope? They are not the type to say “hey, that’s not my job….I’m not responsible”. Even if one fails in his job after taking the tremendous responsibility, he becomes a greater person, through the experience of his effort.
 There is an interesting story about the Netziv – Rabbi Naftali Zvi Yehuda Berlin, (b. Mir, Russia, 1816 – d. Warsaw, Poland, August 10, 1893) that relates to responsibility. It is written about the Netziv, there are no fantastic accounts concerning the boy who was to become the Rav of Israel. It may be that he was not a “child prodigy” that amazed everyone by his natural talents, or it may also be that he was modest from a very young age. However, one thing is clear: he had at least one great talent – his diligence!! He studied Torah with great fervor, and it was this trait that enabled him to acquire universal renown.
 Only the brightest students and it was a minimal amount, were given the opportunity to learn in Yeshiva. Most boys were sent to learn a trait and start work immediately.
One day he overhears his father tell his mother “he’s just not talented to stay in Yeshiva. The father called his son and said he wanted to introduce him to a friend who is a shoemaker. The Netziv understood immediately what his father’s intentions. The child begged and cried that they should give him one more chance promising he will not disappoint them. The boy lived up to his promise. He later said: “if I would have given up and became a shoemaker, after 120 years when I go to the heavens, although I would have been a honest shoemaker, pray three times a day, raise a family with strong Torah values, and I would set time to learn every night after work, however, they will show me a copy of my book the Ha’amek Davar and say to me “this is the masterpiece you would have written if you would have excelled in your life”.  I, then, would have been ashamed.”
When our forefather, Yaacov, was on his deathbed he gave the bracha, he basically anointed the position of leadership to Yehuda, who has shown on many occasions the “responsibility to accomplish”. Such honor has been given to one who takes upon himself more responsibility.
 When Yaacov did not want to send Benyamin, his youngest son and presumably the only remaining one from his favorite wife, Rachel, on account that some bad omen might happen to him similar to what had happened to his older brother  Yossef, Yehuda took responsibility in assuring his safe return. “I will personally guarantee him” (Bereshit 43:9) Yaacov accepted Yehuda’s proposition. However, Rabbi Dopelt asks: “what is the difference between Yehuda’s assurance (I will lose my portion in this world and in the next world) and Ruben’s, his older brother’s, assurance (kill my 2 sons if I do not return him safely)? Both have a very negative outcome; no father wants to see anything bad happen to his children whether it is in this world or the next.
 Yehuda used the magic word “guarantee”; a guarantor is responsible even when it’s an OHNESS- an unavoidable mishap.  Therefore, he will step up a notch; raise the volume on protecting what he guaranteed. The responsibility is much greater! The virtue of Yehuda was the ability to go beyond what is on the radar of others. For, in order to succeed in the optimal level, one has to go beyond the face value of his ability.
We see throughout our holy scriptures how our ancestors took great responsibilities in bettering their lot and assuring the world to be a better place. King David, who is Yehuda’s descendant, volunteered to duel the giant Goliath; Avraham’s commitment to open his doors to passerby’s…..we can go on and on and on… It seems like the ones who get the recognition are the ones that take that initiative.
 However, one has to be aware of the danger in taking, at times, too much responsibility. We recite in the evening prayers before the AMIDA, “VEHASER SATAN MILFANANU VEHACHARONANU”-remove the evil angel from in front of us and from behind us.
It’s understandable, the first part of the phrase: the angel puts a juicy non- kosher steak “in front” of you. However, how do we learn the second phrase? It refers to what could go wrong with too much responsibility. The bad advice: angel pushes you from behind and tells you “hey, you can do it!!” But in reality, by accepting the task, one is welcoming disaster.
 Therefore one has to think it over and ask advice in order to make a calculating and hopefully productive choice.
 Nachshon ben Aminadav, who happens to be from the descendant of Yehuda and the ancestor of King David, took the initiative. The splitting of the sea was jump started and initiated by Nachshon. Every morning when  we read AZ YASHIR Nachshon is in the forefront of not only getting credit for having true belief in G-d but also a trait that we should all possess, the trait of taking responsibility and making this world a better place

I want the Bracha First!!!

This article was constructed with the help of Dr. Robert Goldman, Psychologist of Yeshiva Chaffetz Chaim and Rabbi’s Baruch Dopelt, Eliezer Finkleman, Yitzchak Aminov

Who doesn’t want to receive a bracha from their beloved father or grandfather? It’s a big honor. One gets a feeling of warmth and an awareness that the bracha has been passed down for many generations, for thousands of years. It’s beautiful!!

 

 

Interestingly, though, what happens when the beloved patriarch wants to give a more important bracha to your younger sibling? How would you feel? Would you feel slighted?  Does one still have that warm feeling?

 

 

We have an ancient tradition, and many would say, one of the most beautiful customs in Jewish life is for parents to bless their children at the start of the Friday night Shabbat meal. What makes it more important is it’s done at Shabbat table which is designed to be the grand stage for family communication and family love, especially in todays fast pace lifestyle where one doesn’t communicate with his family all week.  Girls receive the blessing: “May God make you like the matriarchs Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah.” Boys, meanwhile, are blessed “to be like Ephraim and Menashe.”
What happened to the patriarchs Abraham, Isaac and Jacob?! Why were Ephraim and Menashe chosen instead as the subjects of this important tradition?

 

 

In this week’s parsha, the last in the book of Sefer Bereshit, we see a very interesting pattern, the rejection of the first-born. When Yosef brought his two sons for a blessing from Yaacov, his father, who was old and ready to pass on, he did something very peculiar. Yaacov crossed his arms so that Efraim, who was the youngest, would be under his right hand and Menashe, who was older and purposely placed by Yosef at his grandfather’s right, got the left. Yaacov, who emphasized that Menashe also received a nice bracha, gave the more important blessing to Efraim.

 

We see through history that the first born, the well-respected elder, receives double the inheritance, losing, on many occasions, the status in which he inherited. This was apparent in the first generation of the world; Cain was the oldest; however Hevel got the reward. We know that Shem, (where our ancestors come from) one of three sons of Noach, was not the first-born. Abraham passed the baton to Isaac, the youngest, and not to Yishmael. The same is said about Isaac’s sons, Eisav, who was the bechor, but Yaacov was the brother chosen. Reuben, the eldest of the twelve tribes, neither got the first-born rights, the kingdom nor the kehuna (high priest).

 

 

First and foremost, the Torah is trying to emphasize that even though the first-born has changed the status of man and has made him a father of this precise bechor, nevertheless, the bechor has to earn the benefits that has been bestowed upon him. There’s no freebee; no job is safe. Apparently, it’s a demanding role and has to be maintained to the highest standard, or else he loses it.

 

 

There is a puzzling question: Okay, we learn “one has to earn his brownie points and nothing is a freebee” from the tragic story of Cain and Hevel, but the Torah keeps on harping the same pattern over and over. Why? We learned the lesson. Perhaps one didn’t get it the first time, so the Torah wants to accommodate those slow thinkers and present similar storyline; possibility?

 

Ephraim and Menashe represent a break from this pattern. This explains why Yaacov purposely switched his hands, blessing the younger Ephraim before the older Menashe:  there was no
resentment from Menashe. He was ok with it!!  There was no jealousy; he didn’t feel slighted. This was a tremendous revelation. Yaacov wished to emphasize the point that with these siblings, there is no rivalry. For this reason Menashe and Efraim both received their own tribe. They were the only grandchildren to receive this recognition. It was a tremendous act of respect on Yaacov’s part to give them such honor. He knew what refined character they both had.

        The book of Bereshit concludes with the positive unity of Menashe and Ephraim as one of its lead story. After all the sibling rivalry which we encountered, mankind finally got it right. For this reason, the Torah goes out of its way in the beginning of the second book of Shemot, to relay a conversation between G-d and Moshe pertaining Moshe’s appointment  as leader of the Israelites. Moshe was concerned that his older brother will be slighted. He was afraid he would be humiliated. After all, he was the leader of the nation until that point. Although Aharon did nothing wrong as leader, it was evident, one didn’t need to be a rocket scientist to realize Moshe was born with unusual gifts and was destined to be the redeemer.  We see Aharon’s greatness was to recognize Moshe’s ability and to realize he would be best for the nation of Israel. Aharon was happy to step down. It was totally a selfless and courageous act.

        One has to realize that it’s not so simple to overcome such a test. In fact, it’s one of the CHULSHAT ENOSH human weaknesses. There are a number of very interesting stories in our history pertaining to this test.

        The great HILLEL came to Israel from Babylonia. His activity of forty years likely covered the period of 30 BC to 10 AD. As soon as he came, everyone realized how great he was. He answered all the questions that was presented to him and knew all the Jewish discourses that was presented to him cold. It seemed like Shmaya and Avtalyon, the leading Rabbis, also realized that he was far greater than they. In response to his presence they resigned their position as leading Rabbis, relinquishing the mantle of leadership to him. A generation later the famous Rabbi Yehuda the NASI-prince, the leader of the Jews of his generation and the author of the Mishna said it would be most difficult, for me, to give up the position of president. I would not be able to relinquish the honor. Kol Hakavod to Shmaya  and Avtalyon for placing the welfare of the Jewish people in front of their life time achievements, goals and pride.

        Being the leading Rabbi has always been in the forefront throughout our history. In every corner of the world the head Rabbi was traditionally always recognized as the authority. It commands tremendous respect but with it he takes upon himself tremendous responsibility.

 

        In the 1700’s, there was a large Jewish community in Prague headed by Rabbi Yechezkel Laundau. The position of head Rabbi was traditionally chosen by vote. Rabbi Laundau narrowly beat out Rabbi Zorach, who was also tremendous Torah scholar. Rabbi Zorach was not satisfied. He felt he would be the better choice in serving the community. On the first Shabbat of Rabbi Laudau’s new position, Rabbi Zorach asked him a question in front of the congregation that he could not answer. It was clearly an embarrassing moment right at the start of his tenure. He came home and cried himself to sleep. His father, who had passed away some time ago, came to him in a dream where Rabbi Laundau disclosed to him his anguish over the question asked by Rav Zorach. His father said “Son you will find the answer of the question in the Tosfot in this particular tractate of the Talmud,” disclosing the page. The next morning sure enough the answer was there. He then showed it to Rav Zorach who himself was not aware of the Tosfot answer. He then asked him “how did you figure out the answer?” When he found out about his father coming to him from the next world to give him the answer and save face in front of the congregation, he rationalized if the other world is interfering with matters of this world and providing answers so Rav Laundau can keep his position then perhaps this is what the heavens want; this is what is suppose to be. He then gave up the quest to overthrow Rabbi Laundau and eventually became a staunch supporter of him.

        Rav Zorach could have rationalized the situation differently. We tend to look at everything to our favor. If man develops a liking to a certain view, he can make a straight line look crooked.

        It’s too simplistic to blame the individual alone for being selfish. It’s a lot more complex. One has many pressures. On occasion, the wife and other family members get involved, egging the person not to give up. Perhaps they would feel slighted by the individual not being chosen. One, at times, succumbs to pressure.  What starts out as a sincere project often ends up as an egotistical struggle; it’s scary, however, we tend to be drawn in to this natural human nature deficiency.

        One of the most sensitive person that I have ever met, who worked and stressed good character traits was the Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva Chaffetz Chaim Rav Henoch Liebowitz t’zl.

        At his Eulogy, one of the eulogizers said something mind boggling. He quoted Rav Henoch saying that “the toughest decision that I ever made was to pass over the position of Rosh Yesiva to his own chosen heir apparent.”

        Here is a man well into his eighties knowing well he cannot function as the head Rabbi because of health issues, has difficulty giving up the mantle.

        It’s not so easy!!

        We now can appreciate and acknowledge that Menashe was a remarkable human being and the same can be said of Aharon.

Qualities We Should All Have and A Leader Most Certainly Have…

        What president, prime minister, rabbi, community leader would you vote for? What qualities should he/she have?
        Let’s look at the weekly parsha, Mikeitz, our current holiday, Chanukah, and this week’s anniversary of a tragic event in order to fully understand what we look for, and should look for, in a leader.
        YOSSEF THE DREAMER….was that his claim to fame? We see he became a leader for interpreting Pharaoh’s dream but what propelled him to be considered a leader?
        This past week we commemorate the 50th anniversary of the assassination of John F Kennedy, who was the President of the United States at the time.

        A new national poll finds John F. Kennedy is the most popular president of the last half century. The CNN/ORC International survey found 90 percent of all Americans approve of how Kennedy handled his job as president. No other president of the last half century even comes close. However if one looks at his accomplishments during his short tenure as president its mediocre at best. So why was he so popular?

        Granted,, Kennedy’s untimely end may play a part in his popularity. He’s become enshrined as a martyr, particularly in Democratic households. But William McKinley was another popular, energetic president cut down by an assassin’s bullet. He faded from the popular mind in a way JFK has not.

        Kennedy had style but not substance. A poll was taken of the radio listeners and television viewers of his presidential debate with Richard Nixon. The radio listeners of the debate favored Nixon; those who watched on television thought Kennedy won. True, much of the adulation for Kennedy during his life and since, originated in arguably superficial attributes; his youth, personal attractiveness and sophistication and many of us are seduced by those traits. The country was hypnotized by his Hollywood looks and his beautiful young family and he took advantage of the media any chance he got. His press conferences were interesting, compelling and humorous. It seems the thing that gave Kennedy’s such greate success was the thing that his detractors often criticized, his charisma. He had such a feel for the importance of inspirational leadership and the willingness to use it to great ends. But his election at age 43 to succeed the 70-year-old Dwight D. Eisenhower represented a generational shift in American leadership that was as much a source of popular excitement as Kennedy’s individual qualities. As he said in his inaugural address, “the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans – born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace”.

        My mother told me that my father cried the day Kennedy was assassinated and many I spoke to said their parents did the same. However Rabbi Baruch Dopelt quotes his mother ” if I knew then what I know now about the immoral things he did then I would not of had the same sad tears”. At the time Kennedy famously came across as caring about his family and about the nation.

        The brothers sold Yossef and he wound up in Egypt and then, after a period of living in master Potifar’s house as the head butler, ended up in jail. In jail Yossef met two Individuals, the head butler and the head baker.

        The attribute of caring for others was Yossef’s ticket out of jail and eventually lead to his appointment by Pharaoh as Viceroy of the superpower of the world, Egypt. As we read in last week’s parsha (40:7) there were 4 words that Yossef uttered “MADUA PENECHEM RAIM HAYOM?”-why are you so sad today? The caring, sincere concern, which they sensed, of Yosef towards the 2 jailed officers of Pharaoh enabled them to open up to him and eventually disclose their personal dreams.

        We see in this parsha as well, It says (41,56) “VAYISHBOR LE’MITZRAIM”- Joseph opened all the containers of stored food during the famine yearshimself and gave the people. Again we see an act of caring on Yossef’s part.

        Mr. Yehuda Fouzailoff, a prominent founder of the Bukharian community in New York, said one such person who fits that description is his brother-in-law, Mr. Hannan Benyamini. Hannan, as he was lovingly known, was one of the few who was recognized by just his first name, cared very much about his community. “People sensed his sincerity and perhaps this quality was one that made him so successful as a leader. He was then able then to spread different tasks among prominent individuals in the close-knit community”. Mr. Fouzailoff continues “I never saw a leader quite like him. His goal was to bring individuals to synagogue on a weekly basis. Because this was the Jewish thing to do; it worked! Every week after the services there was a Kiddush. The wives came to help; they cut vegetables for Israeli salad which combined well with the Shabbat eggs”. This warm, caring and homey environment eventually grew to a very big gathering on Shabbat and eventually the enormous community it is now.”

        This caring quality is evident throughout our Torah especially as a prelude to leadership. Both Moshe and David spent time as shepherds in order to fine tune their character for caring. The ingredient for caring comes from humility. One has to be subservient to his people; they come first.

        How many times did Moshe attempt to sacrifice himself for the sake of the Jewish people? David didn’t care about his honor by dancing for the sake of G-d. There were those who didn’t think it was dignified. Nevertheless, G-d was honored by David’s devotion.

       It says that Yossef was cold to his brothers when they greeted him. Although they did not recognize him, he recognized them. Later on though it said Yossef could not hold back the tears and disclosed to them who he was.

        What soften Yossef from his cold feeling towards his brothers? What changed his attitude towards them?

        A very important growing experience, among the brothers, occurred in this week’s parsha. Lets examine the verses.

        Yaacov was hesitant to send Benyamin, his youngest son and the son of his most beloved wife Rachel, to Egypt. The viceroy, Yossef, who’s real identity was not yet disclosed to Yaacov and his sons, offered a proposition. If Yaacov’s family would like to purchase food, the youngest brother had to travel with the other brothers down to Egypt. This did not sit very well with Yaacov, considering that Benyamin’s older bother from the same mother, was already lost in Egypt. It wasn’t until Yehuda’s guarantee that if he does not return Benyamin unharmed then he will lose his share in OLAM HABA-the next world, that Yaacov acquiesced to their request.

         For thousands of years ever since then, the tribe of Yehuda would act as a protector for the tribe of Benyamin. As a matter of fact, this is the reason that their tribes are adjacent to each other in their respective territories in Yerushalayim. Most Jews today are from these two neighboring tribes.

When Yossef saw how Yehuda, who was from a different mother, cared for and protected his little brother Benyamin; how he was willing to give up his life both in this world and his olam habah, he realized they have grown , matured and learned to care deeply for each other. He thought now I forgive them. Now is the time to reunite.

I heard a beautiful story at the eulogy for Rabbi Joseph Grunblatt this past week.

It was right before the first scud missile attack where the mad man, Saadam Hussain was threatening to launch these weapons into Israel. One of the congregants of Rabbi Grunblatt synagogue, the Queens Jewish Center, called with a concern. Apparently his son was learning in a Yeshiva in Israel for the year. The father wanted to know how soon can he bring him home back to the states before the rocket attack starts in the following week. Rabbi Grunblatt said “I thought you were going to ask me how long should he stay, perhaps another year!!. He will be fine there.”

Well the following Sunday, when the evil monster Hussain promised to launch the attack, the parents of this boy were glued to the TV set watching CNN coverage and there was a knock on the door. It was Rabbi Grunblatt. He wanted to sit with the parents and see the coverage with them.

As one knows their history, Israel was able to intercept the majority of the scuds. Miraculously we had not one fatality throughout the whole ordeal.

Rabbi Grunblatt apparently thought their child was in no danger from the scud attack. This is exactly what the Greeks wanted to accomplish in the Chanukkah story. They wanted us to abandon our spirituality. They wanted to take away the Torah that we learn. Torah is what makes us Jewish. We are not prepared to do that. We would not let them succeed.

The good Rabbi also showed humanity; he showed he cared and he showed what any good leader should do.

Why does the Tamar Incident Stand Out for Yehuda?

          Why is Yehuda’s reward so great? As a reward for his handling of the incident of Tamar, he received tremendous “brawny” points in this world and the next. Yaacov, his father, blessed him that he would be the king. His descendants–and only his descendants– are to be the monarchs. However, if one carefully thinks of what happened, would anybody in their right mind give the green light to burn three innocent people in Tamar and the twins that she is carrying?

          Before we answer this question let’s present a little background. Tamar, Yehuda’s widowed daughter-in-law, was tossed aside and not offered the opportunity to remarry and have children in this family. Yehuda was concerned for the safety of his last son. When bad luck strikes, one cuts their losses and severs contacts. Perhaps this was Yehuda’s intentions. Tamar took action. Showing tenacity and cleverness, she disguised herself as a prostitute and lured Yehuda into having relations with her and he had no idea it was his daughter-in-law. Months later, it was discovered that she’s pregnant. Yehuda, figuring she had relationship with someone outside his family, demanded a trial where, if found guilty, she would be punished with death. At the trial where basically everyone was present, Tamar produced Yehuda’s stick. She told Yehuda and all the other people “whoever this stick belongs to is the one responsible for my pregnancy”. Yehuda then realized it was he who had impregnated her.
          Tamar put the ball in his court. No one knew whose stick it was except for Yehuda and Tamar. For Yehuda, who was considered a man of prominence, to go to a prostitute, was considered very demeaning. If it were disclosed at the trial that it was indeed Yehuda, he would have been the laughingstock of the town. Yehuda then acknowledged in public that indeed it was he who was responsible for his daughter-in-law’s pregnancy. Now any person with integrity would have saved these people (Tamar and unborn twins) from death. So why was Yehuda’s action singled out?
          Many people, especially leaders, welcome self-improvement. They want to be the best they can be. However, they will improve in a more private setting. No one wants to show their vulnerability. Many of us will rationalize that if I get embarrassed, it will be a strike against G-d as well, since I’m in a highly esteemed position and I’m Jewish. Our Jewishness will be slighted and embarrassed. It’s not me that I’m concerned about, it’s the company, the cause, the system etc. It will not benefit anybody if we disclose our mishaps. Once one’s reputation is on the line, they can rationalize that perhaps I’m not so guilty. Subconsciously, they want to justify their actions because their integrity and ego is in question.
          Yehuda, as a judge, had numerous ways to re-direct the situation and everybody will come out looking clean. One should know that the essence of repentance is the acknowledgement of wrong-doing. He was one of the first individuals in the history of the world to publicly do repentance. Yehuda didn’t hesitate; he blurted out TZADKA MIMENI- SHE WAS RIGHT. I take responsibility for my mistake. It was not just to keep her alive, but also to emphasize that she was right in her actions. He wasn’t afraid to disclose the truth. He did not find a way to hide or cover the truth. This is the essence of his name, “acknowledgement”. Yehuda personifies what truth is all about. He is not afraid to show the world that he erred. In fact, he stepped forth in order to show that one has to correct himself. This is a true sign of leadership.

Parshat Vayeishev

“A Cup of Coffee 

 

&

A Quick Thought”

Steaming Cup of Coffee
Spark Of Jewish Experience
  Vayeishev

December 15, 2011
19 Kislev, 5772

Dear Friends,

 

We have expanded the Parsha Highlights section.

 

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In This Issue
Parshat Vayeishev Highlights
Parshat Vayeishev – Leadership
Chanukah – Pursuit of Honor
The Vision That Makes Dreams a Reality – Chanukah

Parshat Vayeishev Highlights
 

First portion:

 

* After a life full of difficulties, Yaacov settles in Canaan, home of his father, thinking he’ll have some peace and quiet…..Ha!
* Yosef, who is Yaacov’s favorite son, (and was singled out by buying him and only him a coat) is described by the narrative as a na’ar (a bit immature) who told his father the negative things his brothers do.
* Josephs immature and naive behavior resulted in eventually telling his father and brothers two similar dreams where the brothers, as well as his parents, are bowing down to him (note: if one has 2 similar dreams on back-to-back nights, there’s a greater chance that some elements of it will come true). As a result of this disclosure, the brothers hated him even more.

 

Second portion:

 

* Yaacov tells Yosef to find his brothers.
* The brothers’ hatred toward him escalates from’ keeping it in their heart ‘ to verbal taunting (look, the dreamer is here) and then to the physical, l as they contemplate killing him. Reuben persuades them not to kill our own flesh and blood.

 

Third portion:

 

* After abandoning the idea of killing him, the brothers grabbed him and threw him into a pit. Yehuda speaks out ‘why should we leave him for dead, lets’ sell him’. So the brothers sold him to the Yishmaelim (Arabs).
* After some wheeling and dealing, Yosef ends up in Egypt.
* The brothers took his jacket, the same one that his father gave him as a gift, and dipped it in blood. Yehuda presented the torn Jacket to Yaacov, their father saying, ‘Recognize this jacket? A wild animal killed Yosef. Yaacov never stopped mourning for Yosef.
* Yosef was sold to Potifar, one of the officers of Pharaoh.

 

Fourth portion:

 

* The narrative breaks away from the story of Yosef to tell us of an incident involving one of the brothers Yehuda. This is significant in the future leadership of Israel.
* Yehuda is widowed with three sons. He finds a wife, named Tamar, for his oldest son Err. Apparently, when Err has relationship with his new wife, Tamar, he makes a sin by not finishing the act but instead spilling his seed. The reason for this is because Err didn’t want to get Tamar pregnant; he wanted to preserve her beauty and figure. This angered G-d and Err died.
* We are introduced to a concept in Judaism that’s not practiced today, but people should be aware of, called Yibum and Chalitza. When a brother dies childless, it’s an obligation of a brother or a family member to preserve the name of the deceased brother and marry the widow. This process is called Yibum. If the brother is not interested, then he performs chalitza on her where the widow spits in the shoe of the non-interested party and she parts ways with her husband’s family; she then is free to marry others.
* Onan, the second son of Yehuda, takes responsibility and marries Tamar. Unfortunately, he too repeats his brother’s sin and does not learn from Err’s mistake. G-d takes his life as well.
* Yehuda soon after tells his widowed daughter-in-law that his youngest son, Shaila, is too young to take responsibility of Yibum and sends her away. Don’t call us, we’ll call you; apparently, Tamar would have to wait. But when the time came, Yehuda never called Tamar.
* Tamar, realizing the importance of this family, devised a plan to continue to be a part of it. She disguised herself as a prostitute and purposely went to the field where Yehuda was tending sheep. Yehuda offered her his stick as collateral until he will have money the next day and she agreed. But the next day she was nowhere to be found. A number of months later, Yehuda was told that his daughter-in-law is pregnant, not knowing that he was responsible for the pregnancy.
* At the trial, Tamar showed the court Yehuda’s signet, wrap and staff and said whoever this is, is responsible for the child (she was carrying twins) I’m carrying. She purposely didn’t accuse anybody and left it in the hands of Yehuda to tell the truth or not.
* Yehuda acknowledged it was he who was responsible.

 

Fifth portion:

 

* Yosef was successful working at Potifar’s house, so much so, that he was promoted to the head overseer of the household. He was well-liked by all.

 

Sixth portion:

 

* Potifar’s wife takes a liking to Yosef and tries to seduce him daily. In one incident, Potifar’s wife was a bit more brazen in her attempt. But Yosef prevails and does not succumb to her advances. Yosef saw the image of his father and that helped him.
* Potifar’s wife was humiliated by the rejection and cries attacker!! Attacker!! And Yosef is put in jail.

 

Seventh portion:

 

* In jail, he meets two other inmates who are troubled by dreams they each had. The butler, who was punished because a dead fly was found in Pharaoh’s wine cup, and the baker who was in prison because Pharaoh bit on a rock which was in his bread. Yosef interprets the dreams; the butler will get his old job back and the baker will die. Joseph interprets the dreams correctly.

Parshat Vayeishev – Leadership

 

              Who is a true leader? What qualities should he and should he not have? Do you consider yourself a leader type? In this week’s parsha, we see a classic example of what a text-book leader is all about, and who to emulate if  one wants to be a leader and needless to say a fine human being. When Yaacov, our patriarch, was on his deathbed and he was giving out the brachot (in Parshat Vayechi), it consisted of the placement (and displacement) of some brothers in certain positions. These chosen positions, which were based on their character and prophecy, were permanently passed down through their descendants forever. Yehuda, who was the fourth son, was chosen the leader because of the incident with Tamar. What did he exactly do to earn him the lofty position of crown royalty? In order to answer the question, we must back track just a bit. Tamar, Yehuda’s widowed daughter-in-law, was tossed aside fearing she will never have the opportunity to marry and have children with Yehuda’s family after her marriage to two of Yehuda’s sons resulted in their deaths (not her fault). Obviously, Yehuda was concerned about the safety of the last son. When bad luck strikes, one cuts their losses and severs contacts. Perhaps this was Yehuda’s intentions.

Tamar took action showing tenacity and cleverness, by disguising herself as a prostitute and luring Yehuda into having relationship with her where he had no idea it was his daughter-in-law all along. Months later, it was discovered she’s pregnant. Yehuda, figuring she had relationship outside his family, demanded a trial where if found guilty would be punishable by death. At the trial where basically the whole town and more were present, Tamar showed Yehuda and the town ‘whose ever stick this is, is the one responsible for my pregnancy’. Yehuda then realized it was he.

Apparently, Tamar put the ball in his court. No one knew whose stick it was except for Yehuda and Tamar. For Yehuda – who was considered a man of prominence – to go to a prostitute, was considered very demeaning. If it were disclosed at the trial that it was indeed Yehuda, then he would have been the laughing stock of the town. ‘My goodness what would people think of me?’ Tamar arranged it in such a way that if Yehuda will not admit it was his stick, no one else will know and therefore her fate of death was imminent. She would go down to the grave with the truth.

Yehuda’s admission, ‘tzadka meemeni – she’s right’ was a breakthrough statement of all time. Not only did he admit in front of the whole town it was him who was responsible, but he also acknowledged that Tamar was in the right for doing what she did. His admission was clearly a difficult task. Yehuda showed strong character by pursuing the truth even though it would be at the expense of his dignity, and would have taken him out of any prominence. But most important, he didn’t care what people thought. He will not let criticism dictate his decision, criticism that would be very tempting not to admit the truth.

Similarly, we find King David, who was a descendant of Yehuda, admitting his guilt after intentionally sending Batsheva’s husband, Uria, to the front to be killed, so he can conveniently marry her. A leader has to admit guilt and not let his pride get in the way.

King Shaul had an opportunity to kill out Amalek (PUBLIC ENEMY NO 1); He disregarded an order from G-d, afraid of what the people might think. He did not want to appear too cruel. A decision like that disqualifies you as king. This action was the factor in losing the Kingdom.

Chanukah – Pursuit of Honor
   

           If someone was born and bred in a western culture, they surely can appreciate Chanukah. One of the major aspects of childhood in America is being entertained by TV crime fighters or the superheroes that we grew up with. They are all predominately based on the Maccabees. G-d had mercy on the Jews and our heroes prevailed. We all have that sense of pride of what Matetyahu and his sons accomplished and rightfully so. It was a magnificent display of courage, belief in G-d and national pride; Kol Hakavod to them.

Little is written about the Maccabees. Surprisingly, only one side of a page is written about them in Tractate Shabbat, while a whole tractate and a megila is dedicated to the holiday of Purim. Why is that so?

In the Torah, nothing is coincidence. There is always a reason why things are the way they are. Chanukah always falls out on the week when we read about the story of Yehuda, (which is our dvar Torah-schmooze of the week on the parsha) and how he earned the right to be the leader of the brothers. The bracha of our patriarch Yaacov, which we will read in a few weeks, not only crowns Yehuda as royalty, but his descendants as well. The kingdom is only to come out from Yehuda. Only under the extreme dire situations should Israel alter this tradition.

Unfortunately, such was the case with the Maccabees; there was nobody from the tribe of Yehuda at the time worthy to be King. Therefore, Shimon, one of the remaining sons of Matetyahu, became King, temporarily, as well as their natural position of Kohen Gadol (high priest; the Maccabees were Kohanim). However, what started out as a noble gesture, even though the original Maccabees were as sincere as one can get, their descendants were not. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. It’s very hard to let go of power and kavod, especially when the high position is passed down from generation to generation, and one feels it is mine to inherit.

Our sages informed us that whoever says they are descendants of the Maccabees are terribly mistaken. Because they hung onto the kingdom longer then they were supposed to, all the descendants were wiped out. The last descendant, Miriam, was forced to marry Herod the great (who wasn’t Jewish). Herod wanted to be liked so badly that he forced the marriage, figuring people will give him more respect for marrying into such a popular and noble family. Miriam had other plans. Seeing she could not get out of the marriage, she decided to take her own life. Herod was devastated and very desperate to hold onto power. What he did for some time will go down as the most despicable act in history. He did not inform the public about Miriam’s death. Herod kept her body in honey for preservation and every morning when the king customarily addresses the nation, he would bring her out as if she was alive to show all is fine at the palace.

The Vision That Makes Dreams a Reality – Chanukah
   

In one of the passages in Shir Hashirim – the Song of Songs, written by King Solomon, it is written, doodayim brought out a fragrance and at the entrance the oils (from the Chanukah menorah) burn brightly. Doodayim are plants that bring out magnificent scent. Reuben, Yaacov’s oldest son, introduced it to us when he presented it to his mother Leah. What’s the connection that King Solomon, the smartest man that ever lived, makes between Reuben’s doodayim and oil of the Chanukah menorah?

Reuben was gifted with tremendous vision that made him the only one who recognized that the brothers were wrong in their assessment of Yosef. Reuben prevented them from killing Yosef. No one saw what Reuben envisioned. The menorah beautifully lit represents the Maccabees who believed in G-d and that truth will prevail, foreseeing confidently that they will overcome and be victorious over the most powerful obstacle in the world, the Greek army. Having the ability to envision and believe it can be achieved, requires strong character. This can be attained by strengthening our belief in G-d and developing a tenacity to fulfill the dreams, which seem unattainable. We all have dreams that we wish will come true but don’t believe it will ever come into fruition. The passage teaches us one can take a vision and make it a reality.

Sincerely,
Rabbi Avi Matmon
Spark of Jewish Experience

Parshat Shoftim

“A Cup of Coffee 

 

&

A Quick Thought”

 

 

Steaming Cup of Coffee
Spark Of Jewish Experience

Shofetim

Septmeber 1, 2011
2 Elul, 5771

Dear Friends,

 

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In This Issue
Are You a Leader Type?
Important Times of the Summer
Hurricane Irene & Your Best China

 Are You a Leader Type?
 leader

‘You may set a king over yourselves’ (Devarim 17:15), G-d told Moshe. Take Yehoshua the son of Nun, a man of spirit’. Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz teaches us in the book, Sichot Mussar, the Torah is pinpointing the particular quality, which determined the selection of Yehoshua as the leader of the Jewish people, who would bring them into the land of Israel. We know that Moshe was denied entrance into the chosen land and therefore his replacement would have a crucial and monumental task in this pilgrimage. The leader after Moshe would have huge shoes to fill knowing that Moshe was considered the greatest leader we ever had. Although in hindsight, Yehoshua was an excellent leader, why was he chosen to take over for Moshe? There were far greater men than Yehoshua. In fact, the Baal Haturim, in his analogy of the Torah text, determines that there were thousands greater then him.

The Torah defines Yehoshua’s attitude for leadership as ‘a man of spirit’. What is the quality of ‘spirit’ that makes it the key qualification in assuming the mantle of leadership of Israel? Rashi, one of the main commentaries on the Chumash, defines it as: he is capable of adopting himself to each person in accordance with his personality. This was the intent of Moshe’s request. ‘Master of the Universe, each person’s disposition is manifest to You and they are not similar. Appoint a leader who will be able to tolerate each one according to his disposition. (Rashi, Bamidbar 27:16)

If one notices, this is a quality that many politicians seek to emulate. All too often we see presidential candidates set up a cameo scenario where they go to a blue color fast food restaurant, in the heart of America, jacket off and rolled-up sleeve and no utensils, having a hamburger with big Jim. The camera catches the candidates joking, schmoozing and knee-slapping, having a good time, like good old buddies. The candidate is painting a picture of ‘a man of spirit’; showing the voters that he can mingle with anybody.

Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz teaches us that one can achieve this leadership quality by mastering tolerance. Apparently, it is difficult to wear many different hats; one has to have patience and tolerate many difficult personalities as well as different social levels which can contradict your style of living. Then, after mastering tolerance (like a parent), he will be able to make the adjustment and achieve ‘spirit’, by having the ability to transform himself temporarily into that kind of social level. Perhaps then, it will be easy to ‘switch gears’ and even speak and act like the person whom he’s trying to accommodate.

Yehoshua was a master in his ability to accommodate each individual to his social needs. All of the Israelites felt comfortable with Yehoshuah bin Nun believing he’s their own kind, a man of spirit.

Important Times of the Summer
 kid w/ ice cream

           Can you believe the summer is coming to an end? It went so fast! It was just yesterday that I wrote about the excitement of anticipating having Marino’s Ices during those long summer hot days. I’ve been pushing off mentioning this fond memory, but does anybody remember Howard Johnson’s ice cream? My parents and I would walk on a warm evening to HoJo’s and meet others from our small close knit community and have pistachio ice cream. Back then, Queens was more suburbia and the white building with the red roof, which Howard Johnson’s was known for, like many stores like it, was a block long, situated around a beautiful landscape. Today they would never allow such valuable real estate to be wasted on a one-floor ice cream parlor; they would carve up the space into a ten-story office building and have a couple of flower plants at the front entrance. The past is a memory; summers come and go and time doesn’t wait; it just marches on.

          Rav Moshe Chaim Lutzatto writes in Mesilat Yesharim, one of the classic works in Jewish literature, that we have become like horses that run toward their destination without looking to the left or right. Perhaps we too, in our fast-paced high pressured American lifestyle are running, achieving our financial goals, but are missing out on some of the more important things in life.
          A number of years ago, I heard the unfortunate news of the sudden death of a friend David Kagen. A few weeks later, I received a phone call from a mutual friend, Ronny Alibayof, asking if we can get together for drinks. ‘It would be nice to hang out’ he said. Kagen’s death made him realize that life is too short; one never knows what’s going to happen tomorrow. Therefore, enjoy the company of your buddy today and have a couple of laughs with him. We have to take advantage and appreciate friends and loved ones.
          The Mesilat Yesharim teaches us through the sages, that King David was concerned, and suggested to hasten the coronation of his son Solomon to the thrown. The Talmud asks, wasn’t it destined that Shlomo be king? The Talmud answers, ‘many adverse affects could occur between now and Gichon (the place where Shlomo was to be coronated). The sages teach us that when one has a precious opportunity in your hands, take advantage before it is too late and time will pass.
          There have been many films and books written about one of the all time classic fantasies man has had since the creation of the world, and that is of entering into a time warp machine. Oh, how much fun will it be to spend one more moment with people that you never had a chance to say the proper goodbyes, or just wanting to experience the warm moment one more time?
           I think if one wants to feel good about their self, he should appreciate the people, experiences of the past, and apply that same appreciation and warm feeling to the people who are currently in his life. The biggest culprit is not realizing that time is passing, resulting in putting off the people most dear to you, thinking, ‘I have time’.
          I recently too my son to Carvel ice cream parlor, even though I was quite busy. Although it’s a lot smaller than in my days, nevertheless, the joy of ordering his favorite ice cream and seeing the pleasure in his eyes made me reminisce of those days at HoJo’s and how good I felt. I sat back and enjoyed the moment of watching him enjoy the moment of summer.

Hurricane Irene & Your Best China
washing dishes
The question is asked, if one lives in Far Rockaway, is one allowed to wash dishes after the Shabbat afternoon meal and put them away, knowing that an evacuation notice has been issued, and anticipating Hurricane Irene late Saturday night? Wow! Now that’s a loaded question. It sounds a bit far fetched, right?

We all know that one is not allowed to make any preparations on Shabbat, for after Shabbat. It says in the Torah ‘zachor’ (remember) and ‘shamor’ (watch) the Shabbat. By watching the Shabbat, one does not violate it (turning on lights, driving, etc). Remembering means to give it kavod, the proper respect and honor for this special day. For example, wearing fine clothes, presenting flowers to your wife at the Shabbat table, etc. Thus, even ordinary activities, which involve no melacha (activity which would violate Shabbat) and are perfectly permissible when done for Shabbat purposes, may not be done in preparation for after Shabbat. For example, if one has a dinner party Saturday night, the table cannot be set up on Shabbat. However, perishable goods and items which may break due to certain circumstances if left in an unsafe environment (would constitute a loss), therefore would be permitted to be put away and the food refrigerated.

Sincerely,
Rabbi Avi Matmon
Spark of Jewish Experience