Tag Archive for Moshe

How to think positive…..for it’s crucial to success

July 6, 2016 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s  Akiva Grunblatt, Asher Hurzberg, Yossi Bilus, Elchanan Poupko,  Yanki Tauber and Rochel Holzkenner

“Be positive, be positive,” blah blah blah. We’ve been hearing that for years. Well, it just so happens that perhaps there are some who don’t wish to take that approach; they don’t feel it’s necessary to put on a façade, a fake smile and feel that the world is shiny bright. As a matter of fact a recent New York Times article, “Tyranny of the Positive Attitude,” reported on a group of psychologists who are attacking the current trend of ‘be positive – be happy’. For several years now, positive thinking has been in vogue. But these good doctors are “worried that we’re not making space for people to feel bad” and feel that a reversal of this trend is in order. There’s been a symposium (“The Overlooked Virtues of Negativity”), a book (Stop Smiling, Start Kvetching), and a push to get psychologists back to doing what they’re supposed to be doing, which is to “focus on mental illness and human failing.”

However, the bottom line is that everyone wants to be positive. It’s a good feeling. We all gravitate towards positive people. We feel warm when we receive a smile from a person. We want to sit next to the person at work, shul, or school who is cheery, who always sees the glass half full, and who sees a shining light in everything. Remember, a broken clock is correct twice a day!!

We humans, after all, are thinkers (well at least some of us are) and we are at liberty to choose what we think about. Thinking is power. There is no reason not to utilize this potent tool to improve the quality of one’s life in general and mental well-being in particular. As an old friend Joe Alibayof once said, “They have a brain; however, they don’t use it correctly.”

The Torah’s attitude, which predates today’s positivist trend by four thousand years and will survive it by much longer than that, is one of unabashed optimism. This is the doctrine of bitachon, or trust in G d. Left to its own devices, the mind will by default tend to fill itself with negative thoughts that spring from its unrectified subconscious. For this reason we gravitate to negative news. When was the last time one paid attention to “no robberies on 47th street today” or “they have a solid marriage”; that’s really pretty boring. Nevertheless, although one pays attention to the news they also tend to distance and alienate themselves from them. What’s the old expression? “Success got many generals and failure is an orphan.”

There is a fascinating incident related in the second chapter of Shemot that opens up a wealth of insight into the Jewish Law of Attraction.

It begins with Moshe, our leader, breaking up a fight. Unfortunately, his intervention was not appreciated.
“Now it came to pass in those days that Moshe grew up and went out to his brothers and looked at their burdens, and he saw an Egyptian man striking a Hebrew man of his brothers. He turned this way and that way, and he saw that there was no man; so he struck the Egyptian and hid him in the sand.

“He went out on the second day, and behold, two Hebrew men were quarreling, and he said to the wicked one, “Why are you going to strike your friend?” And he retorted, “Who made you a man, a prince and a judge over us? Do you plan to slay me as you have slain the Egyptian?”

“Moshe became frightened and said, “Indeed, the matter has become known!”

“Pharaoh heard of this incident, and he sought to slay Moshe . . .” (Shemot 2:11-15)

Why does the Torah highlight Moshe’s emotional response? Anyone in his shoes would have been frightened. He’d taken a huge risk when he killed the Egyptian in order to save his brother’s life. And now, if his actions were to be exposed to Pharaoh, he’d be considered guilty of a crime of the highest order.
That being said, it’s unusual for the Torah to spill ink to describe Moshe’s emotional reaction, his fear. We don’t hear about Yitzchac’s fright when being bound on the altar, or Yoseph’s fear of being sold into the hand of strangers. It’s not that they were impassive, just that the Torah, being a book of moral guidance, recounts only the details that will be useful for our spiritual growth and development. Moshe was frightened, but why does the Torah highlight his emotional response? What relevant insight is offered by G d through highlighting Moshe’s fear?

The Lubavitcher Rebbe offers a fascinating insight based on nearness of the above verses. “And Moshe became frightened . . . Pharaoh heard of the incident.” So potent was Moshe’s fear, his “negative visualization,” that his fear blossomed into fruition-his deed was reported to Pharaoh, and Pharaoh wanted him killed.

Moshe is the Jewish hero, righteous and prophetic. And yet G d exposes a subtle flaw of his, his disbelief that things would turn out for the best. If he had been optimistic, he could have averted his own arrest by Pharaoh.

What this means, says the Lubavitcher Rebbe, is that bitachon, the absolute assurance and conviction that G d will make things good, actually becomes the conduit and vessel through which we draw down and receive G d’s blessings. Positive thinking is not just a way to weather negative occurrences, it’s much more than that – it actually makes positive results happen.

In this week’s parsha quite the opposite happened. Through pressure from the Jewish people, Moshe, the Jewish leader, requested that spies should be sent to inspect the promised land before the Jews entered. Ten out of the twelve spies returned with negative reports. These twelve were righteous individuals but they portrayed Eretz Yisrael to the Jewish people and perhaps themselves in a negative light. The spies described the land which “flows with milk and honey” as a land which eats its inhabitants. They described the land as having an overpowering atmosphere with thick and heavy fruits and the inhabitants as being high and mighty as they discouraged the people from conquering the land. Their unfavorable portrayal of the land caused the entire Jewish people to despair of the possibility of living there and to voice their desire to return to Egypt. God was “angry” at the spies for speaking negatively about the land, and decreed that the entire generation “will die in the desert” (Numbers 14:35). But what they said could have been interpreted in the positive and it actually was by the minority spies Yehoshua ben Nun and Kalev ben Yefuneh..

We find another important incident in the Torah where our forefather Yaacov’s sons reacted negatively to their brothers Yosef’s dream; they felt threatened. The only one who reacted favorably was Rueben, the oldest son, who fell in disfavor with his father for intruding into his father’s private life. Rueben saw a positive in Yosef dream. He was counted among the brothers, implying that he’s still part of the core. But the rest of the brothers failed to see anything positive in the dream and therefore reacted negatively. Interestingly the pasuk then says, “Let us see what will happen to his dream.” We would assume that it’s the brothers who are saying that. However, Rashi indicates it was the heaven’s response to the negativity that the brothers showed.
Furthermore we find by King Yehoshiyahu (649-609 BCE), one of the righteous kings of Judeah, a startling fact. While he was renovating the Temple a Sefer Torah was discovered. It was rare to find a Sefer Torah during that period because Yehoshiyahu’s grandfather the wicked rasha Menashe destroyed the majority of the Torahs. His son Amon fared no better in being a rasha. Can one imagine today no sefer Torahs?

One might think it’s a positive sign from G-d that a Sefer Torah was discovered and in fact many were rejoicing. However they discovered that the scrolled was not rolled to Bereshit, where it usually should be, but to the page dealing with GALUT -exile, implying that the children of Israel were destined to be kicked out. The King ripped his garment in sorrow.
If one would look at it in a positive spin, here is a chance to repent. G-d is showing you a sign. Let’s learn from the experience and change our ways. The fact that the Master of the Universe reached out is an indication that we still have a chance. Unfortunately, it is human nature to gravitate to the negative and the king didn’t see the positive.

HOW TO IMPLEMENT POSITIVE THINKING
One of the most important modern discoveries in the rapidly expanding field of Positive Psychology is recognition of the benefits of gratitude. Much evidence has shown the power gratitude has to make people happier, mentally stronger, and more appreciative of what they have. Research has shown that the simple activity of writing down at the end of each day five things for which one is grateful for has the ability to reduce depression, increase happiness, and improve relationships more than any other positive psychology treatment or technique. College students who consistently exercise gratitude showed to have higher GPAs and better wellbeing. People who actively engage in gratitude practices show better signs of physical and mental health as well as improved relationships.

The principle of gratitude is so fundamental in Judaism that the great renaissance kabbalist the Maharal of Prague (Gur Aryeh, Gen. 2:5) goes as far as saying that it is prohibited to do a favor to someone who will be ungrateful because this introduces the dangerous trait of thanklessness into this world.
Yet at the same time there seems to be a different reputation we have made for ourselves. In his New York Times bestseller Born to Kvetch, Michael Wex portrays Yiddish culture as one of disapproval and complaining, peaking with the statement that “Judaism is defined by exile, and exile without complaint is tourism.” This perspective does not need to remain confined to the era of our exile. A simple look at the Bible shows that, both in the desert and in the land of Israel, the Jewish people were often discontent (e.g. Ex. 14:11-12,16:24-25, 17:2-4).

How do we reconcile the powerful contradiction between the strong positive message Judaism dictates and the longstanding practice of disapproval? How do we explain the paradox between the strong ethic of thanks, gratitude and appreciation that Judaism so strongly advocates and the Jewish tendency toward disapproval and questioning?

The answer lies in one of the most powerful and influential Jewish traits: dissatisfaction.

While Judaism teaches us to believe in the Master of the Universe, at the same time it teaches us another almost contradictory idea: prayer. Jews never accept things as they are; they always hope. Implicit in the concept of prayer, which is so fundamental to Judaism, is the idea that things don’t need to be as they are. Every time we pray, we suggest that no matter how difficult things may be we still believe that G-d can change them (see Brachot 10a; Maharal, Netiv Ha’avodah chapter 2; R. Joseph Albo, Sefer Ha’ikarim 4:18). When Moshe was told by G-d that he will not enter the land of Israel, one of the first things that Moshe did was beg for permission to enter from the very same G-d who told him that he will not be going in. Implicit in the Jewish tendency to kvetch is the belief that things can be changed for the better. Along with our strong belief in a G-d who is looking out for us and is willing and able to intervene is the belief that things don’t have to be the way they are, and thus we ask G-d to change them.

This attitude of change has encouraged Jews to be at the forefront of improvement in the modern era. It is very much reasonable to suggest that Jewish innovation, demand for social justice, and intellectual creativity all originate in this deep-seated belief that things can always be changed, and in our refusal to accept things as they are no matter how fixed they seem to be. The reason Jews were always suspected of being social revolutionaries – as was true in many cases – is because Jews did not believe in the world that is as much as they believed in the world that ought to be. And it is for this reason that Jews have been so associated with change and development. This is not because of a complacent dissatisfaction but because of a responsible dissatisfaction. It is because of the belief that there can be a better world.
What is scary is the thought that just as one can create positive in the world so too one can create a negative vibe that will last. What the spies created was a negative energy that was brought down which exists till this very day.

In conclusion we have to remember, that besides the ability to change through prayer, and besides the appreciation one has to show, one of the fundamental pillars of Judaism is to trust G-d for He foresees the world with a much larger lens than we could even imagine. Rabbi Yossi Bilus told me over an effective story to illustrate this:

There were two gentlemen who worked as water carriers. However one of them was given a bucket with a slight hole in it and as he shleped through the field to get to his destination half the bucket was already empty. The other worker would laugh at his friend at the frustration of having a whole in the bucket. When he went to complain to the boss, the boss retorted, “I know about the hole and it was designed that way. Come, let me show you.” He proceeded to go over the path where he would carry the bucket. “You see, your friend’s path is clear and smooth, but your path is full of flowers. Your journey required you to irrigate the field. For that reason a hole was placed in your bucket.” One has to look at things positively as there always is a bigger picture.

The Spy Who Loves Me

The impossible dream: Lech Lecha

November 1, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s Yissachar frand, Berel Wein, , Yossi Bilius and Dr. Abba Goldman

“Stars”, “Stars”, “Stars” – this is one of the glaring words, part of one of the famous Jewish blessing catch phrases. G-d answered Avraham, when Avraham questions G-d: “What can you give me, I am childless?” G-d answers by promising Avraham that he will have children. G-d directs Avraham outside and asks him to look up and count the stars, saying “Thus will be your descendants” [Bereshit 15:2-5].

Well, may I ask the reader: “What would you do?” It’s a great vote of confidence where G-d assures Avraham that he will have children, however, now he has the dubious task to follow G-d’ command and count stars.

Are you kidding me, there are billions of stars? How long shall I count? Ones might ask themselves. It’s an impossible Dream, To Count the Impossible Count.
Rav Meir Shapiro asks, “What would be our reaction if someone told us to go out and count the stars?”

Our reaction would be to simply ignore the request. We would say, “I know this is an impossible task. I know it is beyond the realm of possibility. Why even bother?”

What did Avraham do? He went out and counted the stars! Yelp that’s exactly what he did. He attempted to do the impossible. He actually went outside and began to count the stars. G-d responded “This is the way your descendants will be” (Koh Yihehye zarecha).

“This attribute that you are showing here now — when it looks impossible, when it looks beyond the reach of human beings, nevertheless to try; nevertheless to give it one’s best — Koh Yiheyeh Zarecha. That is the characteristic of the children of Yisrael. That is what a Jew is going to be like. Even though the task seems strenuous and back breaking, it seems almost impossible, we still must try.”

The least we can do is trying. And when we try, we sometimes see that amazing things can happen. We think that we don’t have such strengths and such abilities to withstand that which life deals us. We think it is beyond our capability. But we try and we are gifted and granted with ‘kochot meyuchadot’ – ‘ special strengths’ that we never dreamt we possessed.

That is the Blessing of “Thus shall be your descendants.” The children of Yisroel has the attribute of looking at something which seems impossible, but nevertheless trying, never giving up… and being rewarded with powers that they never thought they had.
We can see how great the potential of man and how he can beat the odds and reach for the stars from this story presented to me by Rabbi Yossi Bilus.
A survey was taken in rural Baltimore section, on the effect of the lifestyle and achievement of low social working class. Most of the two hundred students surveyed from the high school were from broken families who were confronted by drugs, high crime and gang related issues daily.
The conclusion related by many of the socialist and psychologist, that were leading the study, was that sadly it was very difficult to believe that the majority of the group surveyed would make a positive contribution to society.
Interestingly, twenty years later one of the students of the surveyed grade of the high school, now a professor in psychology in the local university came across the transcripts of the study and was curious as to how are fellow comrades faired in life.
The professor committed himself to take the dubious task to locate and interview the student of twenty years past.
Out of the grade of two hundred, fifteen were no longer in the world, approximately ten he couldn’t track, however, the majority of the one hundred and seventy five, surprisingly, were living productive lives. How was that possible? How were they able to beat the odds? How they were able to make all these socialists and psychologists look terribly wrong?
It seems like a name of one teacher surfaced on many of the interviews. This teacher made an impression on the students.
The professor realized what a priority it was to locate the teacher and ask her miraculous method of teaching.
He located her in a nursing home and made an appointment to see her. Old and frail, however, very conscious and alert, he asked what was your secret in your teaching method that many of your students looked at you so admirably?
The old teacher said: “I implanted in them the understanding that they can succeed, they can do it!! We have to believe in ourselves. Then our dreams can come true.”
We Jews should especially take note of this story for if the gentiles believe in the “impossible dream”, we who are blessed with “Koh Yihehye zarecha” our dreams are on the threshold of reality.

The Torah hints of many examples of this bracha – blessing come to the person.
Yosef built his hopes for the future. He implored the butler/officer of Pharaoh to remember him to the king and set him free.

We can learn a valuable lesson from Yosef – the dreamer who in his chance encounter in prison with the butler/officer, the opportunity to pursue his goal and rise to greatness. Yosef will not squander that opportunity nor will he wallow in despair or go against the fate that has treated him so cruelly. He will not allow events and circumstances to deter him from the realization and actualization of his dreams and visions.

Rather, he will attempt to use and exploit all of those circumstances to make his dreams reality and to achieve the greatness that he believes he is entitled to and has been promised to him.
Yosef eventually became viceroy of Egypt, only second in command to Pharaoh. He became leader of a superpower, reaching for the stars and achieving greatness.

Many immigrants come to the land of opportunity to build their dreams. Many have had financial difficulties and are looking to improve. America is a dream to many.

In addition to the financial strains in their homeland, one couple’s main incentive to come to the land of opportunity is “MESHANEH MAKOM MESHANEH MAZAL-change of place is a change of mazal”, in the area of having children – it was ten years and the couple was still childless. Although it wasn’t easy, especially in the late 1950’s – early 1960’s to leave family behind, however, to have an opportunity to make the impossible dream a reality was a tremendous incentive.

They were advised, after a year in their new place of residence, Boro Park, Brooklyn NY, to see the Lubavatcher Rebbi for a bracha. Perhaps his intervention, his prayer will open the door to childbirth.
At the meeting the Rebbi asked if the couple observed the Shabbat where the response was “Although we come from a long line of Rabbis we’re traditional”. The Rebbi then presented the couple with a proposition: commit to Shabbat right at this very moment, observe it to the letter of the law and I promise you’ll have a baby boy in nine months.
The commitment was made and the wife became pregnant right away. Approximately a month before the baby was born which happened at Motzei Pesach-the end of Pesach, the Rebbi usually throws a party. At the party the Lubavitcher Rebbi sees the man who committed to observing Shabbat and again reiterated you will have a boy next month. The next month the promise came to fruition and they had a baby boy.
I know firsthand the accuracy of this story for I am that baby boy. My parents’ hope and dreams were fulfilled for they never gave up. They traveled half way across the continent, left behind friend’s family and culture to accomplish their burning desire, to have children. Ironically, they brought back after a brief absence from their lives the one ingredient needed for having a child – Shabbat.

Speaking about Shabbat, the introduction to the Friday evening prayer is very powerful. There is a passage that is found in the first few paragraphs which states “Moshe and Aharon were among His priests and Shmuel among those who invoke His Name…” [Tehillim 99:6]. The Talmud states that in righteousness, the prophet Samuel (Shmuel) was on the same level as Moshe and Aharon, the two great leaders of Israel. For this reason, the pasuk in Tehillim equates them. The Medrash states that before Shmuel was born, a Heavenly Voice (Bat Kol) proclaimed, “A child is going to be born who will be on the same level as Moshe and his name is going to be Shmuel.” The Medrash says that all the pregnant women at that time named their sons Shmuel when they gave birth, in the hope that perhaps their son was the baby about whom the Bat Kol spoke.

Rabbi Yissachar Frand learns “You know how a Shmuel was produced? He was produced because there was an environment in which everyone strived to have such greatness for their son that he should grow up to be like Moshe Rabbeinu and Aharon!” If EVERYONE is striving to have a Shmuel haNavi, then in fact ONE Shmuel haNavi can emerge! However, if everyone has pedestrian ambitions for their children then greatness will not emerge from anyone in that generation.

When a woman gives birth, she must believe “I just gave birth to the next Gadol HaDor (great man of the generation)”. If a mother thinks like that, she may indeed be able to achieve greatness for her child. If her goal is “okay, he should be a mediocre child,” greatness will never come.

That is the Blessing of “Thus shall be your descendants.” The children of Yisroel have the attribute of looking at something which seems impossible, but nevertheless trying, never giving up… and being rewarded with powers that they never thought they had.
There was once a very important meeting discussing crucial issues in Judaism held in the house of Rav Avrohom Kamenetsky, son of Rav Yakov. All the head Rabbis were gathered there. When the meeting was over, there was a question of protocol as to who should leave the room first. Rav Yakov’s daughter-in-law, who was in the room, was pregnant at the time. She naturally assumed that the great Rabbis should walk out the door first. Rav Yakov insisted that his pregnant daughter-in-law should walk through the door first. Why? He said, “It is because she is pregnant and maybe she is pregnant with Moshiach!”

Can I give a priestly blessing after killing terrorist?

Tisha B’Av and the 9 days…let’s party!!!!

August 24, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of
Rabbi’s Yissachar frand, Baruch Dopelt
Fasting is not the easiest and the most popular aspect of Judaism, however, one is required unequivocally to do so. It’s part of the package deal. There are six fasts in our Jewish calendar year. The way to remember them is by this little rhyme: boy, girl, long, short, black and white. Boy is Tzom Gedalia; Girl is Ta’anit Esther; long is 17 of Tamuz (for it’s the longest); short is 10 of Tevet; White is Yom Kippur and black is the 9th of Av.
 Interestingly, black is always associated with the 9th of Av because of the major bad luck the Jewish nation had experienced.  Our sages teach that the ninth day of Av is a cursed day that is eternally destined for bad luck and tragedy.  Over the years we have wrote of tragedies that have fallen upon us starting from the three weeks leading up to the fast day. This year, perhaps what looms in many is the dangerous Iran nuclear deal with the United States which was finalized during this period. What a disaster!!

 The first nine days of the Hebrew month of Av, culminating with the fast of Tisha b’Av,  are days of national mourning, when we contemplate the nearly 2,000-year-long galut, the physical and spiritual displacement of our nation.
No one likes being sad. People gravitate to happy moments. We always reminisce subconsciously selecting and magnifying the good times of our lives and abandoning the unhappy moments. Interestingly, even when we recall a negative aspect of our past it’s usually sugarcoated and minimized. That’s human nature. We prefer the smiley Politician, the happy home maker, the cheery waiter, the polite banker.
 Though festivities are inappropriate for these days, there is one avenue of joy that is permitted-joy associated with serving G-d, the joy of a mitzvah, in particular a siyum (the completion of a tractate of the Talmud-which is both a mitzvah as well as an academic feat). In fact, the celebration of certain mitzvot overrides the sorrowful nature of the moment, and calls for a seudat mitzvah-a celebratory mitzvah meal during which course the mourning practices of these days are relaxed.  On those celebrations in particular meat which is usually prohibited during the 9 days is served. Some even allow music.
 My friend invited me to one of those; however, it seemed a little odd. I suspected since he being a big party goer and his neighborhood always is a little excessive of serving the best of everything at kiddushes, weddings, bar mitzvot, this invite was sort of forced out of sheer effort to party. A sham you might say; an excuse to eat pastrami and garlic hotdogs. Perhaps to say, hey we can do it in the confines of Halacha-HA- HA. However, there is a deeply rooted, mind boggling, reason for having this festive occasion during the nine days and it makes perfect logical sense!!!
There is a Gemara in tractate Shabbat that mentions Abaya – one of the prominent figures of the Talmud would pay for the celebration of his friend’s completion of a tractate and invite the entire Rabbinical body, making it a public display, even though it was thought to be a private event.
    There is a Chassidic tradition where there is participation in a siyum during each of these nine days!! The question is why? Why some do celebrate deliberately? Isn’t that act putting a slight on the mourning period; isn’t that insulting the ones who perished on account of that day? Isn’t that putting salt on the wound of the bitter pill our ancestors experienced? One has to realize the ramifications of these dark days. Tisha B’Av is brutal. Do people realize it’s Tisha B’Av!!
 Let’s examine a few famous incidences in our history in particular, Rabbi Akiva, Moshe and Apter Rebbe and perhaps we will get a better understanding of this action.
During the period of Sefirat HaOmer, 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva died. Our sages say it was because they did not show proper respect for one another [Yevamot 62b]. This seems to be a rather serious punishment for such a light offense. Why were they deserving of such harsh judgment?
 Perhaps, film writers took their romantic story line from this particular Gemara. It sure sounds familiar. The Talmud [Kesubot 62b] relates the story of an ignorant shepherd named Akiva, who Rachel – the daughter of the wealthy Kalba Savua wished to marry. She fell in love with him according to the Gemara, because he was “modest and a good person”. She knew that if he would apply himself to Torah studies, he would become a great scholar. Her father threatened that he would disown and disinherit her if she married such an ignoramus. She married him anyway. They were paupers for 24 years. We know the rest of the story.
Tosfot (one of the prominent commentaries in the Talmud) in Tractate Ketubot asks how it could be that the Gemara there describes Rabbi Akiva as a “good person” when the Talmud elsewhere [Pessachim 49b] says that Rabbi Akiva (when he was an ignoramus) used to hate Torah scholars and would (if he could) bite into them like a donkey.  Boy, that sounds familiar, it seems like history repeats itself. I know a few of those that have sharp teeth. Tosfot answers that Rabbi Akiva expressed this attitude not out of hatred for Torah scholars per se, but out of resentment that they kept themselves aloof from the masses. He perceived (perhaps erroneously) haughtiness on their part and therefore could not stand such perceived arrogance.
Tosfot means that Akiva was, in fact, a good person – so good that he could not tolerate it when others put on airs and looked down on the masses. He felt that this was an affront to other (simpler) people and – good person that he was – felt an urgency to defend the honor of even simple people who were ignoramuses.
Given the fact that Rabbi Akiva was such a righteous and pious individual when it came to defending the rights of even simple ignoramuses, the critique of his students was all that much greater for not following in their master’s footsteps regarding showing honor for their fellow students. For that harsh critique, they unfortunately died during the days of the Omer.
 So we see the important emphasis Rabbi Akiva places on “love thy fellow man like yourself”
Another interesting aspect of our concept of brotherly love is this story of the Chassidic Rabbi called the Apter Rebbe.
The Apter Rebbe was known by his book called Ohev Yisrael [lover of Israel]. The Apter Rebbe was, as the name of this book implies, an exceptional proponent of the commandment of loving one’s fellow Jew. He was accustomed to say that in every single Torah portion there is an allusion to Ahavat  Yisrael (the mitzvah of loving a fellow Jew).
One of his Chassidim came to him and asked where such allusion was to be found in Parshas Balak. A general reading of this parsha certainly turns up no such reference.
The Rebbe looked at the Chossid in surprise and told him there was an obvious allusion — the name BaLaK is an acronym for the words V’ahavta L’Reacha Kamocha [You shall love your neighbor as yourself] [Vayikra 19:18]! The Chossid looked at the Rebbe in surprise and protested, “But Rebbe, Balak is spelled Bet Lamed Kuf and the words in the pasuk [verse] teaching we should love our neighbor begin with the letters Vov Lamed Chaf? – You are matching a Bet with a Vov and a Kuf with a Chaf to make this allusion!” [The matched letters make the same sounds, but are different letters.]
The Apter Rebbe responded with something that was more than just a whimsical quip. He responded with a profound insight saying: “You have been my Chossid all these years. Haven’t you learned yet that when it comes to ‘Ahavat  Yisrael’, you can’t be so precise about the exact lettering “?
The Apter Rebbe knew very well how to spell Balak. But he was teaching his disciple the lesson that when it comes to Ahavat Yisrael, there must be an elasticity. We have to cut people flak. We have to be a little more tolerant, a little more open, a little more willing to bend.
Love thy neighbor like yourself requires tolerance, patience, this is what the Alter is trying to convey.
 
One of the most impressive displays of psychological tactics to subdue a nation in the history of the world was Pharaoh – the King of Egypt. By luring in the Israelites into slavery was a masterful plan. However, Pharaoh underestimated Moshe’s Empathy For His Brethren.
 The enslavement was so intense that even when Moshe came to Klal Yisrael to announce their impending redemption, the pasuk [verse] informs us that “They were unable to listen to him out of shortness of spirit and hard work.” [Shmot 6:9]
Rav Yonasan Eibeshutz [Tiferet Yonatan] asks why Pharaoh excused the entire Tribe of Levy from servitude. It seems uncharacteristic of the ruthless ruler to give such a courtesy. Rav Yonasan Eibeshutz answers that Pharaoh saw through his astrologers that the eventual redeemer of Israel would come from this tribe. Pharaoh reasoned that a person who was not part of the pain and suffering of the people would never be able to redeem them. Simply, he would not be able politically to rally the people behind him. The masses would discount his ability to lead them by virtue of the fact that he was not one with them during their time of suffering.
This indeed is how Rav Yonatan Eibeshutz interprets the above referenced pasuk. The people were not able to listen to Moshe because of the fact that they had experienced shortness of spirit and hard work – and he never had. Moshe lived in the lap of luxury. They were not ready to listen to him or to let him become their redeemer!
Pharaoh’s logic seemed very reasonable. So where did he go wrong? His error was that he underestimated what the Torah highlights as the most prominent character trait of Moshe. If we look back in Parshat Shmot, we notice that there is very little we are told about Moshe before he became the leader. We are told “Vayigdal Moshe” [Moshe grew up], which Rashi says means he became prominent in Pharaoh’s household – he became a prince. He could have stayed in the luxury of the palace and sufficed with saying a few chapters of Tehillim for his brethren. But Moshe went out. He went out to see what was happening with his brothers and he saw their suffering. He risked his life by killing the Egyptian, thereby taking part in the misery and the drama of his brethren’s enslavement. He identified not only with the “macro” suffering of his brothers, but with that of each individual, as indicated by his rescue of the unfortunate Jew being beaten by the Egyptian. Even when two Jews were fighting, he came to the rescue of the victim, again demonstrating his attribute of empathy and association for the burden of his fellow man (noseh b’ol chaveiro). In Midyan, he again came to the rescue of Yisro’s daughters because his personality could not tolerate oppression. Finally, we are told that he watered the flocks.
In all these descriptions, the Torah emphasizes over and over again that Moshe demonstrated the character trait that Pharoah thought he would never have – the attribute of empathy for the suffering of others. Logically, Pharaoh was right, but he underestimated Moshe’s strength of character that despite the fact that he was not part of the enslavement, he did feel the pain as acutely as anyone who experienced it personally.
 There are many examples we can bring from the Torah and the pattern all equals to AHAVAT YISRAEL. G-d is promoting unity. He didn’t destroy the generation of the tower of Bavel because the culprits showed some degree of unity. Can one imagine how G-d would feel if we showed a genuine feeling toward our brethren.
The Sages have said that the primary reason for the Temple’s destruction was the lack of love and harmony between Jews. Sharing in the joy of another, the one who completed the tractate, is a demonstration of Jewish unity-which reverses the cause for our predicament, and therefore brings it to an end. For this reason we purposely have the siyum. It is this action, the happy cherished moment even with people one doesn’t know, fixes what was broken and would turn the black Tisha B’Av into a united festive party.

Mortgaging the future-cat’s in the cradle

July 16, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s Yissachar frand, Chaim Morgenstern, Yossi Bilius and Dr. Abba Goldman

Every so often, something about popular culture hits you like a brick wall. Much about Western society has its seductive pitfalls and some of its craving can contrast Torah’s morality and values. However, life is never clear cut and at times one learns a thing or two, a valuable lesson from the unexpected.  When I was a teenager I heard the lyrics of a song, the words were so profound that it had made an impact on my life to this very day. Although, Rock ‘n roll is, for the most part, all about pursuing love that you can’t have which can frustrate and depress you to no end. This song by Harry Chapin titled “Cat’s in the Cradle” is very different from the usual generic cesspool.

 

 

My child arrived just the other day,
He came to the world in the usual way,
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay,
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking ‘fore I knew it and as he grew
He’d say I’m gonna be like you, Dad
You know I’m gonna be like you

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you’re coming home dad, I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day,
He said thanks for the ball, dad, come on let’s play
Can you teach me to throw, I said not today
I got a lot to do, he said that’s OK
And he, he walked away, but his smile never did, and said
I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m gonna be like him

 

Life is busy and in order to survive one has to spend much time and sometimes overtime to make the buck to support the family. Hey! Money doesn’t grow on trees you know! It seems like the father doesn’t spend time with his son. The first part of the song is expressing those sentiments.

Interestingly,  there is a strong question to be asked on one of the most famous statements in the Torah of “Honor you father and your mother for you will have a long life” (Shemot. 20:12)

One should be aware, there are only two commandments in the Torah that a reward is attached to it. Honor your father and your mother is one of them. The other is Sheluach haken, where there is a commandment in sending away the mother bird before taking her young (Devarim 22:6) Both rewards are long life.

 

On a side note I heard a reason why this is such an important commandment that the Torah equites it to Honoring parents and is rewarded long life.  When the mother bird is sent off and comes back she flies all around to find her children. She goes to G-d and complains. “Where are my children?’ G-d becomes upset. Then, G-d remembers from this mother bird & asks “Where are my children?” This big mitzvah reminds G-d that His children are still in the diaspora and should bring us back home, to the nest, the Beit Hamikdash,

The sages ask a profound question through a story. Once a father asked his son to perform the commandment of Sheluach haken. The boy climbed the tree to shoo away the mother bird to then grab the young hens where he slipped and fell tragically to his death. The Sages asked where the long life is. As a matter of fact he performed two of the commandments for long life and was taken from this world rather suddenly!!

In this week’s parsha there is a familiar scene, one where human weakness is glaring and through this negativity, one can learn a valuable lesson where one can literately take home.

And they said, “We will build sheep pens for our livestock here and cities for our children.” (32:16)

The Jewish people reached the plains of Moav, ready for an invasion of Canaan. The Promised Land was to be fought for. G-d had sworn to our forefathers that it be given as an inheritance.  But the tribes of Gad and Reuven, rich in livestock, preferred the lush pasturelands of the Trans-Jordan to shares in Eretz Yisrael proper. They asked Moshe for permission to take their share in the Trans-Jordan.

 

Moshe berated them for letting the others fight to conquer Canaan while they settled down in their ranches. Furthermore, their reluctance to cross would have a demoralizing effect on the others.

“This is what we want to do,” they said to Moshe. “We want to build sheep pens for our livestock here and towns for our children. Then we will go quickly at the head of the army and fight until the land is conquered and apportioned. Only then will we return to our homes.”

“All right,” said Moshe (32:24), “build towns for your children and pens for your sheep. And make sure you keep your word.”

Notice that Moshe reversed the order of their priorities. They wanted to “build sheep pens for our livestock here and towns for our children.” First let us take care of the livestock. Let us make sure we have pens in which to keep them so they don’t wander off into the hills and get lost or stolen.

Cows and sheep are valuable assets, and we have to take good care of them. Then they spoke about building “towns for our children.” Then we will provide our children with a place to live while we are at war.

Oh no, Moshe replied. You have it backwards. First of all, “build towns for your children.” Make sure you have attended to the needs of your children. Afterwards, you can also build “pens for your sheep.” First you take care of your children, and then you worry about your cattle.

When we look at this incident, we say to ourselves, “How foolish can people be? How warped can their values be? How can anyone put the welfare of his cattle before the welfare of his children?”

Unfortunately, this is not an isolated incident, something bizarre that happened thousands of years ago. It is an everyday phenomenon. People become focused on their livelihood, on developing a business, on advancing professionally, on building a practice, and their kids get lost in the shuffle. They don’t realize that they are making the exact same mistake as the tribes of Gad and Reuven. But it is true. It happens all too often.

Rashi writes (32:24) that the tribes of Gad and Reuven did not return home to the Trans-Jordan until after the seven years of conquest and the seven years of apportionment. They remained in Eretz Yisrael for a full fourteen years. Those little children they left behind — let’s assume they were 3 or 4 years old — how old were they when their fathers returned home? Teenagers! Practically adults! The Midrash tells us that their fathers were shocked to find that their sons had long hair, that they were indistinguishable from their pagan neighbors.

This is what happens when parents give priority to their wealth over their children.

The Ktav Sofer raises a question with the latter part of Moshe’s words. After helping the tribes of Gad and Reuven get their priorities straight, he told them, “Make sure you keep your word.” Why was this necessary?

The answer, says the Ktav Sofer, is that Moshe knew with whom he was dealing. People who could even think of protecting their money before they protect their children cannot be trusted. They are so intent on their wealth that they can do anything. Therefore, Moshe had to exhort them to keep their word.

The quest for wealth can become more obsessive than any other quest. All too often, the children are the price of the wealth.

SURPRISING DISCOVERY  

In parshat Vayera we learn that G-d wanted to share a secret with someone very dear to Him and that person was Avraham. The secret was what He intended to do to the people of Sedom and Amorah, which was to annihilate them. The Sages explain why Avraham was so dear to G-d; it was because “he (Avraham) will command his children”. In other words what the Sages were implying was that Avraham will raise his children properly and pass down the concept of G-d which his offsprings dutifully complied.

Interestingly, the world was a world of Idol worshipers. Avraham stood out from the crowd and was known as “Lone Ranger”. He became the ambassador to G-d and professed the monotheism concept. It was strange to say the least in the eyes of the public. This action was unprecedented at that time. Avraham pushed the concept. He had chutzpah!! Secondly, let’s not forget his famous trademark kindness. His door to his tent was open on all four sides for passerby’s to enter. Avraham sets the rules on the concept of kindness.  And yet, he is cherished by G-d, not for those standout achievements but, for his ability to transmit his legacy to his children. That overrode everything else?! That struck a sensitive cord in G-d that He proclaimed that Avraham is His love?

Avraham was a “hands on” dad. He was close to his children. He went out of his way to communicate to his children; he was there for his kids.

 

When the Torah states honor your parents for you will have a long life, long life means your life will be extended through your children. They will follow your philosophy; they will pass down your legacy. They will cherish what was important to you.

However, there has to be an investment into the children and that is to spend time with them!!  Why would this work? Although there is no guarantee, however, one has to play the percentages. Since children’s intellects are not fully developed, they function mostly from their emotions rather than from logic. The result is that they learn and absorb more from what they see than from what they hear. Therefore, showing one’s children how to properly do things in person has a greater impact and influence than telling them so. This is what they take with them into adulthood. The fond memories of the parents physically there. Now let’s take this a step further.

There is a strong connection between keeping the Jewish faith and bonding with parents. Our Torah is passed down by tradition which we call the chain. The home is where this platform occurs. So it’s imperative; it’s Jewish survival to have a good parents- child relationship.

Interesting to note, as parents we are seduced by “making money” and we use it as an excuse to avoid our precious children. Our children, though, have a seductive outlet as well.  With the creation of media and these days’ social media there is a stronger connection outside the home then inside the home. One now can have their primary social outlet outside the family framework. That is dangerous.

Personally, when I was growing up the media had a tremendous impact on all of us. I can just imagine what the pressure the average teenager goes through today.  Our dinner table was disrupted daily by the giant television which was present. That contraption alienated my parents and I. What saved the relationship was Shabbat where we were forced to sit and talk to each other without any electronic gadgets and business dealing on the phone.

So besides being a slave to the business one now has an added servitude, they’re a slave to the media.

We have to savor the moment with our children. They grow up fast and before one knows it they’re out of the house.

Speaking about the media and popular culture the last two stanza of the song is something that is etched in my psyche forever and has helped me deal with my family with the utmost sensitivity.

 

Well, he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man, I just had to say
Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
What I’m feeling like, dad, is to borrow the car keys
See ya later, can I have them, please

I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said I’d like to see you if you don’t mind
He said I’d love to dad, if I could find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle, and the kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you

And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you’re coming home son, I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, dad
We’re gonna have a good time then

I met my soulmate at the well

July 6, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s Yissachar frand, Berel Wein, Yossi Biliu
 .
It’s strange how we see the “well” in the background of many of the momentous story lines in the Torah. However, in this week’s parsha it takes center stage, a starring role as one of the main topics of the sedr’a.

 Many of our leaders expressed their appreciation of G-D’s kindness through songs. We have the song of the sea, when Moshe broke out in song after being redeemed from Egypt while his sister Miriam led the singing for the women. Then there was the Prophetess Devorah and King David who were exemplary in their ability to raise their voices with praises to the one above.

This week’s Torah portion, Parshat Chukat, provides an example of an entirely different kind of a voice: not the voice of one person, but the voice of an entire group, indeed of an entire nation. It is the Song of the Well, of the Be’er.

It seems like the song is a ceremonial correlation of all of the mentions of the be’er in the Torah. One may wonder the mystique of “the well” and why it is cited in certain situation throughout the Torah.

The most frequent association of the “well” is it being in the background of finding a mate. Whether it was Eliezer, the servant of Avraham, looking for a wife for Yitzchak, Yaakov meeting Rachel, or Moshe finding Tziporah, all revolved around the shadow of the be’er. Perhaps that was the hot spot, the social gathering where one looks for his other half. The Grossingers of yesteryear (how many remember or would like to forget that meeting place). Perhaps humans haven’t changed much through time. It seems all mothers worry and rebuke their children saying “you’re getting old, all your friends are married, time to go to the well. Get a bucket and pretend you’re there for the water.”

There are many questions to be asked on many of the incidences. Let’s explore one seemingly strange story line when Yaakov meets Rachel, his future wife.  Upon Yaakov’s arrival in Paddan Aram [Bereshis 29: 1-11], the Torah relates the incident of when Yaakov gave water to the sheep from the well. A large boulder sat atop a certain well from which all the flocks were given to drink. The rock could not be moved until all the shepherds gathered to collectively remove it from the well and then collectively replace it. When Yaakov arrived, the rock was still covering the well, so he removed it himself. Rashi notes that Yaakov removed the rock as easily as one would remove a cork from a bottle; it was that easy.

When we learned this story in grade school, we all pictured a dramatic scene of a macho, muscle-bound Yaakov demonstrating awesome power and impressing Rachel with his good looks and great strength. Then we imagined a scene right out of a Hollywood script: Rachel falls madly in love with Yaakov, they get married and live happily ever after.

However, that picture of events is far from accurate. Does it not seem strange that all these shepherds, who were going through this routine, day after day, year after year, did not have the strength to remove the rock but Yaakov- the Yeshiva student from the Yeshiva of Shem V’Ever, who had (according to the Medrash) spent the last 14 years learning day and night, did have the strength? Yaakov, in fact, probably looked more like the stereotypical pale, emaciated Yeshiva weakling than like a Hollywood he-man. How was it that he could move the rock and all the rugged shepherds could not?

It is interesting to note that the Torah lavishes a great deal of space and detail to this incident at the well while the Torah tells us nothing about the fourteen years of Yaakov’s life that passed between his leaving home and arriving at the house of Lavan.

Many men have tried to lift the stone that hides these sweet waters, but only Yaakov Avinu succeeded in revealing its undiscovered depths. Similarly, Moshe, our leader, who took us out of Egypt, was the hero of the day winning the hand in marriage of one of the damsels in distress, Tziporah. He too was involved with the “well”, however in his case, the nasty shepherds would always harass the water drawers.

The Be’er is a source of blessing, an ever flowing spring of G-d’s beneficent bounty. This Be’er followed Bnai Yisrael as they escaped from Egypt, and continues traveling with them in the desert.

What is so special about the well? What can we learn from the story line of Yaakov and Rachel at the well?

Perhaps the answer lies where the water lies, underneath the ground in the Be’er. The subject matter, which is the water in this case, is not seen; it is concealed. One only sees the shell of the well.

 

This theme of concealment is found in the very name of the heroine of Purim. “Esther” derives from the root word “hester” which in Hebrew means “hidden.” In the Torah (Dt. 31:18), G-d says to Israel: “I will surely hide (hastir astir) My face from you.” The sages see this Hebrew phrase as a subtle suggestion of the hiddenness of G-d during the time of Esther.

Take Esther herself. No one except Mordecai knows who she really is. Even King Achashveros is kept in the dark. “Ein Esther magedet moledetah” says the Megillah in 2:20. “Esther did not reveal her origins.” This is the theme of the day: nothing is revealed.

Note also the lineage of the protagonists of the Purim story. It is the lineage of hiddenness. Mordechai and Esther are descendants of Rachel Imenu. Rachel, the mother of Yosef and the wife of Yaakov, the muscle bound yeshiva boy, is the very essence of hiddenness and concealment. When her sister Leah is substituted for her in marriage to Yaakov, why does Rachel not cry out and protest that an injustice is being done? Because to do so would have humiliated her sister. Rachel knows how to conceal things, including her bitter disappointment.

The well conceals the very essence of life. This is the Torah’s message! A bracha’s inception is best through concealment and modesty. No one has to know! No one sees the water. This is what the Torah is trying to convey through the be’er. The most important aspect of life is conceived in the bedroom in the dark, under the covers, between husband and wife.

Interestingly Yaakov and for that matter Moshe overcame symbolically, the rock and the nasty shepherds. The stone sits perched atop the well, the many sins which keep us entrenched in this long and bitter exile.  The key to understanding this whole chapter is a stanza which we recite in the Prayer for Rain (recited on Shemini Atzeret). The poet there uses the language “He concentrated his heart and then rolled off the stone” (yichad lev, vaYagel Even). In other words, Yaakov did not use his biceps or his upper body strength to move the boulder. Yaakov used concentration of the heart. All that he learned from his parents, the Yeshiva, the good values, gave him the strength to move away the negativity and draw the sweet concealed waters that are needed to live life the way G-d intended us to live.

In the song the individual voice is concealed is drowned out by the chorus of many. For discretion is vital. If one wants to seek the water of life-mayim chaim, which includes finding a mate, having children etc., it should be performed quietly. Every action one does should be conducted without the fanfare. Be’ezrat Hashem may we all draw the sweet waters from the well of life.

SONG OF THE BE’ER

 

Spring up, O well – sing to it –
The well which the chieftains dug,
Which the nobles of the people started
With the scepter, and with their own staffs.
And from the wilderness to Mattanah,
and from Mattanah to Nahaliel,
and from Nahaliel to Bamoth… (Numbers 21:16-19)

Clarity: Pro’s and Con’s in the Jewish family

March 19, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of  Rabbi’s, Berel Wein, Yossi bilus, Ozer Alport also contributing Dr. Mirriam Adahan  a psychologist, therapist, author and founder of EMETT (“Emotional Maturity Established Through Torah”)-a network of self-help groups
This week’s parsha marks another new beginning in our public reading and personal understanding of the Torah. Whereas the first two books of the Torah are mainly narrative in nature and content, with personal stories of our forefathers, the book of Vayikra is mainly a book of laws and commandments and of the nature of purity and impurity, sacrificial offerings and priestly obligations.
   An interesting question arises as to why the book is called “Vayikra”= “And He called” (And G-d called Moshe). Perhaps, it would be best to call it “Sacrifices” or “Atonement”. It doesn’t make sense that the book is named “And He called”.
For the almost 40 years in the desert G- d had spoken only to Moshe. Moshe would then deliver G-d’s words to the people accurately without additions or deletions. Following the delivery of the exact words G-d had spoken, Moshe would then elaborate and explain the meaning and application of G-d’s words. Matan Torah (Revelation-when we received the Torah) was the single exception. Matan Torah was the only time the nation heard G-d speak without the human buffer of Moshe’s ministry. This meant that for the better part of 40 years the Jews had to extend to Moshe absolute trust. They had to trust that the words he delivered to them were absolutely the same as the ones G-d had spoken to him.
It seems like there is a strong reliance of important information that had to be presented to the children of Israel. Therefore, it might be a splendid idea to explore the importance of the power of communication.
When one voices his opinion, is he understood?  It’s frustrating at times, when one expresses himself and he’s not being conveyed correctly. I believe, many of us have gone through that experience at one point or another. Perhaps, not being understood with mundane matters is simply, just an annoyance; however one can only hope, that the more important feelings are expressed fully to the highest degree. This is a frequent problem when there is a culture gap between parents and children or teachers and students.  However, even with one’s “own kind”, misunderstanding can be a dilemma.
 
Interestingly, one of the most famous routines, in American culture, by the 1940’s-50’s comedy team of Abbot and Costello, called “who’s on first”, involves misunderstanding. It was so popular; the routine was performed in front of the president of the United States, at the time. In the routine Abbot gives instruction how to play the game of baseball, by describing the position players.  He starts off by saying “who is on first, what’s on second and I don’t know is on third”. It seems like he’s not familiar with the players’ names however, Abbot is, in actuality really mentioning the names of the players. The name of the first basemen is indeed “Who”; the name of the second basemen is indeed “Whats”; the third basemen name is “Idontno”. It frustrates Costello to no end.
 It’s one of the most brilliant comedy routines ever made but, in reality, it is not a laughing matter. In essence we are laughing at ourselves. Perhaps, that is the reason for its popularity; it’s too close to home. We spend pain staking time and money, by taking courses, to make ourselves clear so we should not be misunderstood. It is said: “whoever has clarity, he possesses a gift!”
 We see from the Torah how a misunderstanding can be detrimental to our existence.
This communication gap is demonstrated very sharply when Rachel, Yaakov’s beloved wife, sees that her sister Leah keeps delivering one child after another, she turns to him with an impossible request:
“Grant me children or I will die.”
The enraged and perplexed Yaakov answers:
“Can I assume G-d’s role? He is the one who prevented you from having children.”
Rachel then goes on to offer him her maidservant as a surrogate mother and the issue seems to have been settled, but the Midrash (scriptures from our Sages) does not let Yaakov off the hook that easily:
G-d told Yaakov: “Is this a way to answer a woman in distress? I swear that one day your sons are going to plead for their lives from her son!”
The Midrash is based on the reappearance in Bereshit(50:19) of Yaakov’s three first words, this time said by Yosef, his son from Rachel, to his sons from his other wives:
This conversation took place after Yaakov’s burial. The brothers feared that now that Yaakov is gone, Yosef is going to take revenge for the suffering they inflicted on him, to which he answered: “Fear not! Can I assume G-d’s role?”

The Midrash claims that Yaakov’s punishment for the inappropriate way of speaking with Rachel was the sibling rivalry that tore his family apart and eventually humbled his children from Leah, Bilha, and Zilpa, as they had to bow down to Rachel’s own son, Yosef.

Before Rachel comes to speak to her husband, she is engulfed in feelings of sadness and frustration seeing that she has no children, whereas Leah, the once rejected wife, now has a seat of honor as the mother of Yaakov’s growing family. She feels estranged and alienated and she doesn’t see in her husband’s eyes the same sparkle that was there before.

She decides to let her husband to father a child through her maid, a common practice in the Ancient Near East, already tried by Sarah and Avraham, but first she wants to know that he understands her, that he has compassion for her.
She wants to convey her emotional turmoil to him and does it with full force:
“Grant me children, or else I’ll die!”
Perhaps, she was simply saying that without her husband’s love, and being outdone by Leah, she is as good as dead.

What Yaakov heard, however, was: “You are responsible for my sterility! Solve my problem!”
He cannot solve it, and he says it: “Can I assume G-d’s role? He is the One who prevented you from having children.”
These words hit her like a sack of bricks. Even though he meant that it is G-d, and not him, who is responsible for her situation and there is nothing he can do, no solution he can offer, she heard the emphasis on the word – you. “YOU are the one who has no children” the words explode in her ears “I already have children”. As Rashi puts it:
“I have children, G-d has made YOU, and not me, sterile”.

Yaakov should have said: “I know how you feel.” She would have retaliated with: “No, you don’t. You have your children, and as a man you will never know what it means to be barren.” He would have answered: “You are right, but I remember how my mother’s eyes would fill with tears when she spoke about the twenty first years of her marriage, years of solitude, longing and despair.”
Only after commiserating with a woman, is the man allowed exploring possible solutions. Yaakov might have directed the conversation towards her thoughts on what should be done, and she would probably say that he should pray for her, spend more time with her.

It was a terrible misunderstanding and miscommunication which led to much strife in the family, and possibly even to the exile in Egypt. It is also an important lesson to all of us, to be better listeners and to try first to understand our conversational partner and only then offer, if applicable and necessary, a solution.

DIRECT COMMUNICATION

We learn much from Yehuda’s ability to be a leader. Immediately before Yosef’s dramatic confession that he is his brother, Yehuda steps up to the plate to confront Yosef.  
In Yehuda’s entire passionate address to Yosef (Gen. 44:18-34), he added no information or arguments which weren’t already known to Yosef. What was his intention in reiterating the information to Yosef, and what did he hope to accomplish by doing so?
The Bet HaLevi explains that Yehuda realized that the brothers’ original interactions with Yosef seemed bizarre and mystifying. They told him that they came to buy grain, and he responded that they were spies. They answered that they were honest, and he told them that now they had proven his claim that they were spies. Since Yosef’s responses didn’t seem to correspond to the brothers’ statements, it occurred to Yehuda that perhaps the miscommunication was due to the translator, who wasn’t accurately relaying to Yosef the content of what the brothers had said, but was instead fabricating statements which they had never made.
In order to clarify whether this was the case, Yehuda asked for permission to review the entire dialogue directly in the ears of Yosef, without the involvement of the translator. In order to preempt Yosef from responding that he didn’t understand the Hebrew language that they spoke, Yehuda stated that Yosef was like Pharaoh. If Yosef would now claim to be unfamiliar with their language, this would imply that Pharaoh didn’t know it as well, an inference which would be disrespectful to Pharaoh and therefore forbidden to make.
 We see the importance, on Yehuda’s part to clarify. One has to take lesson and not let the moment depart without clarity. Here, Yehuda put his foot down and made waves in order to do so. Although, there were different circumstances for Yehuda to do so then it was at a time for Rachel. The common denominator is that they both were under tremendous pressure. Yehuda’s Olam Haba-entrance in the next world was at stake because Benyamin’s, whom he swore to return unscathed, life, was as good as dead if he remained a prisoner in Egypt. Rachel’s pain and anguish, though, of not having children was enormous!!!
So we see the importance to go against the grain of life and to be supersensitive to make sure situations are not clouded.
 In our efforts, though, to clarify and not be misunderstood we can come across some difficulties. Many Psychologists urge people to, “Share your feelings,” and “Talk it out until the problem is resolved.” However, this advice can be disastrous! Not everyone values emotional honesty. Not everyone has time to listen. And a lot of people will use your personal information against you!
The reality is that not everyone is capable of “hearing” and empathizing. In fact, empathy is a rare quality, which depends on one’s personality type.
According to the Myers-Briggs personality system – people are either dominant Thinkers or dominant Feelers. Thinking types (60% of men and of 40% women) have little interest in the world of feelings. They feel no urge to share personal feelings and are irritated and bored by those who do. They often do not even know what they feel and may not care. They are focused on functioning, not feeling. In fact, they feel more powerful and in control when they do not expose their feelings. In contrast, Feeling types (60% women, 40% men) are concerned with their feelings and distressed if they cannot share them. When these two types get together, there is likely to be a lot of mutual frustration, because each has demands which the other cannot meet.
One also has to be aware, when sharing will overwhelm others. It is “immodest” to share strong feelings of grief, fear or rage, especially around children, who need to see adults as a source of security and strength. To expose these feelings is just as immodest as exposing parts of the body which should be kept covered if the other person is incapable of receiving your pain with empathy and compassion.
Therefore we have to balance the ability to clarify without imposing on others, and divulging, information that can hurt us and our loved ones!!
 The Book of Vayikra is called its name because its intrinsic complex laws need one to deliver the proper accurate detail. One person that’s trustworthy, that did not misunderstand G-d’s message and will not be misunderstood is Moshe.
Moreover, was the nation’s response at the time of Matan Torah. “…You (Moshe) speak to us and we will listen and do not let G-d speak, we are afraid that we will die.” In essence, at Matan Torah, the nation willingly relinquished a degree of control they otherwise would have had over the validation of G- d’s word. By asking that Moshe act as the intermediary between themselves and G-d they proclaimed their willingness to trust Moshe to faithfully deliver the word of G-d. Moreover than that was the implicit trust that they would listen to Moshe even if he had chosen to alter the word of G-d.
From that moment and on, because of their choice and because of their eventual sin, the nation did not hear G-d speak again. In its place they were given the prophecy of Moshe and the ongoing manifestation of G-d’s will in the universe through natural law and miracles. In its stead, G-d gave them exactly what they had requested. Moshe would speak and they would hear the word of G-d through him

HANG EM HIGH

February 26, 2015 Holidays, Purim No comments
Rabbi’s Baruch Dopelt Yossi Bilus, Yitzchak Aminov and Dr. Robert Goldman
New York has a lot to offer, both spiritually and materialistically, to the mild mannered observant Jew. First of all, one should know there is absolutely no excuse not to keep kosher. There are so many great restaurants and amazingly, many of them are open at anytime of the night. One, not only can always get something to eat, at the most absurd time, but he can be selective as well. With the convenience of the physicality comes the often celebrated American dream theme, of “opportunity”. We know a number of those success stories. It’s in the back of the many minds that success is imminent. However, many times there is often the temptation of greed in the pressure of reaching those dreams.It’s natural that one feels more spiritual at times than other times. This is where New York came in real handy after Purim ended 1 year. As a matter fact, it’s becoming a tradition ever since.

After feeling the Purim blues a good number of years ago (I guess I didn’t want it to end), I met a friend who took me to a very late Purim party. It was at the Yeshive Shar Yashuv. My family had gone to sleep already and I was still in the Purim celebration mode. To my surprise, it was a very good party. Every year they get a new band and every year it’s A plus and uplifting. The students and their Rabbis bond through the joy of the holiday. Everybody is drawn to happiness. Isn’t that amazing about New York? You could be celebrating Purim until the wee hours of the night. On this one particular occasion, as I was walking into the building of the yeshiva, I was startled for a brief second or two by noticing a Purim prank. Apparently, up in the rafters, were 10 dummies that look like they were being hanged. This was symbolic of Haman’s 10 sons who were hung on a tree.

The sages are puzzled by the dialogue that transpired between Haman and his wife Zeresh. After he came back from the party with King Achasverosh and Queen Esther, he felt really good. Then however, he passed by Mordechai the Jew. Apparently, he was the only one that did not respect and bow down to him. Haman was distraught and he said to his wife “nothing matters as long as Mordechai does not subordinate himself to me”. Funny, he was the second most powerful man in the world but the one Jew made a difference.

It seems like a non Jews of yesteryear knew more about our religion then the religious people of today.

So Zeresh replied strangely; “perhaps you should take Mordechai and hang him on the tree of 50 amot.” It’s weird that her advice was so detailed and descriptive. Why does it have to be 50? Why not 40 or 60? Also why did Zeresh choose the tree as the specific form of execution?  They were very creative back then on torture and death.

Apparently, though, she knew her history quite well:

Let’s understand what she meant. The first miscue of mankind we read about in the Torah is the sin of Adam and Eve. One has to ask himself, how did the snake convince Eve to eat from the tree? The scriptures say that she saw it was good.  What was good about the tree that it was good to eat?  Also, the snake repeats in his dialogue with Eve that death is imminent? It seems as if he’s conveying to her that it is worth it to reach.  She had to be a smart lady, nevertheless he convinced her.

Seems like snake had a game plan. We all know that when Moshe ascended up the mountain at Mount Sinai he reached 49 levels of intelligence. Reaching the 50th level would have required death because no man could reach 50 and still remain alive. Man always has a strong desire to reach great depths of intelligence. That pursuit is built in us. This was the snake’s selling point.  It doesn’t matter if you die or not. If you eat from the Tree of Knowledge, you reach hey euphoria of intelligence like no other, the grand prize 50.

Zeresh realized Mordechai was a tzadic and therefore a hard nut to crack. So she used the method of symbolism. Symbolism arouses certain compassion. It also evokes judgment, depending how you steer it. Here she intended on enabling G-d to scrutinize the Jews because of the negative symbolism.

 

Symbols provide us with the ability to communicate absolute values in a manner that goes beyond words. As a final example, consider what 9-11 would have been like without the American flag. How would each of us expressed the sorrow of the tragedy, the desire to embrace each other and give strength, the fear for our nation and the extraordinary solidarity of a people standing proudly and fiercely behind their President, if we did not have the American flag? What would we have done in its stead? How much poorer we otherwise would have been? Think symbolism and think our nation’s flag. How important is symbolism? How important is the flag?

 

In truth, everything has symbolic as well as pragmatic value. For example, Rav Hirsch Zt’l (Introduction to the Study of Symbolism) contrasted the symbolic meaning conveyed by words of farewell with the added meaning of a farewell accompanied by a warm handshake. Both the words and the handshake symbolize sorrow at parting and the longing to stay; however, words alone cannot convey the profundity extended through the tactile warmth of human contact and touch.

 

So we see that Zeresh’s plan was based on a very powerful concept. Seemingly her intention backfired. At the end, her husband Haman and their sons were the ones hung on the tree.

There is a common bond, unfortunately, between Eve and Haman. Greed was the weakness. Eve could have eaten from any of the trees except one, however she chose the tree of knowledge. Haman had everybody honoring him except one, Mordechai. Nothing mattered because he wanted it all

The symbolic act perpetrated from greed is presented though the tree. We have to know our place and not let our ambitions and success overtake our morals

Appreciate this great country

January 22, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was comprised using thoughts from Rabbi’s Akiva Grunblatt, Jay Shapiro,

Yossi Bilus, Baruch Dopelt, Isaac Oelbaum and Dr. Robert Goldman
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We see a very interesting lesson in this week’s parsha in regards to HAKARAT HATOV, appreciating what one does for you.  The Torah demonstrates this concept to a large extent by showing Moshe’s sensitivities to inanimate objects:

1) Moshe does not strike the Nile river with his staff to bring on the first plague of blood, but designates his brother Aharon to do so. The basket with baby Moshe was placed in the Nile.  The waters helped conceal the newborn preventing the Egyptian monsters from killing him.

2) The pattern continues; Moshe does not hit the ground initiating the plague of Keenim-gnats (3rd) because the ground helped him conceal the Egyptian guard that he killed protecting a fellow Jew. Again, his brother Aharon hit the ground instead.

Why would I hit something that has done me good? This was Moshe rational. We deduce from Moshe’s actions, being  so caring toward inanimate objects, that one should be even more sensitive to people who have done something good for them.
Many years ago my family had some real estate which we rented out. One of our tenants was a new immigrant from Russia. I was very impressed with his awareness and appreciation of how the United States government initially helped him. Now he’s a homeowner himself; but the initial grateful response of how this country helped him and his family stand on their own two feet will always be embedded in my mind.

Even though the Mitzrim enslaved us, our ancestors, we can’t shun their offspring totally because they housed us during famine.  Even more so, for an amazing host like America that not only takes care of our physical needs but also enables our religious institutions, making it easier to practice and enhance our Torah education.

 

The constitution, with its Bill of Rights containing freedom of religion, speech and expression is enormous; it gives us the opportunity to grow as Jews in every sense of the word. In turn,  we have to appreciate these privileges by giving respect to its institutions like democracy, voting etc. It includes patriotism and even fighting and dying for it. It certainly includes keeping its laws.

However there are those that take advantage of the goodness of others and, believe it or not, steal from the same programs that are meant to provide help.

It says in last week’s parsha: A new king arose who did not know of Yosef. This is implying that Pharoah didn’t appreciate all that Yosef did for Egypt. Not only did he single-handedly save them from famine, Egypt became an epicenter for distribution of food. All this was initiated by a Jew, Joseph.

However,  hakarat hatov – appreciating what one does for you – a very important human trait which one most definitely should possess was not found in Pharoah. This flaw led to the demise of Egypt. As punishment they were never acknowledged as a super power again.

If one remembers we had mentioned an incredible story that happened in our Jewish history. Yeosh was hidden as a toddler after the wicked queen killed off the entire house of David. We know from basic Jewish knowledge that the monarch has to come from David ben Ishai’s offspring’s. When the time was right, Yehoyada, the high priest, organized a coup and killed the queen. He then put the seven year old Yeosh in power. Under the guidance and nurturing  of Yehoyada,  Yeosh blossomed as king. He actually became a very good one. However after the death of Yehoyada, Yeosh began to be influenced in a bad way. What started as a very heartwarming story turned sour and ended up being a case of one of the greatest fundamental lack of human character ever. Yeosh, paranoid that he would lose power, killed off the then high priest, who happened to be the son of Yehoyada!!  Where is the hakarat hatov- appreciation of what one does for you!! You kill from the hand that has fed you, taught you, nourished you; kept you alive. Where is the gratitude?!

Our patient G-d draws measure for measure. At times one is able to see this.  After some time Yeosh was assassinated by people from Amon and Moav.

What is the significance of Amon and Moav? The Torah says if an individual comes from Amon and Moav, and wants to convert, we are forbidden to take him in. The reason for this is when the Jews were in the dessert Amon and Moav did not allow them to pass through or even give them any food.  A tremendous flaw in common decency considering  our ancestor and forefather Avraham raised, housed, protected and even put his life on the line for their ancestor Lot. Where is the appreciation?

We don’t want that kind of character flaw in our congregation. We have to be very grateful we’re living in these circumstances in this great big country called USA. One inevitably has to ask a question: If we have it so good, freedom this and freedom that, then why is this beautiful time called the GALUT-diaspora?

Hey man, this is it!  REDEMPTION!!

In these parshiot of the slavery and the redemption out of Egypt, we learn a very significant lesson on how we should conduct ourselves. As the pasuk says, METZUYANIM SHAM – they stood out there. They were purposely different. This is by design. The bracha living in such a country is the fact that the non-Jews let us be who we are and this is who we are suppose to be. They give us that KAVOD and we in turn show the greatest of appreciation. However the bracha is not to act like non-Jews. That was not the initiative of G-d.

Being a Jew first doesn’t mean not having utmost respect for USA. The difference is Judaism is a life identification. It’s stronger.  When the prophet Yonah was asked who are you? Where do you come from? What do you do?  He had one answer.  IVRI anochi-I, am a Jew. That’s my essence, nothing else.
There is a little story that’s a teaser and has been circulated in every diaspora in our history. A man comes home from shul and informs his wife. “Pack our bags the Mashiach is coming, we’re going to the promised land”. She retorts “What are we going to do with the farm”. He answers back ” We are Jews, so we have to go through another TZARA-ordeal.”
If we look at that opportunity as an ordeal then we are too comfortable where we are.

 

Trust me it’s quite difficult to forgo a lifestyle and a culture and to move. A friend moved to Israel many years ago; it took him 9 years to get used to Israel after being born and bred in New York. There was a snowy blanket covering Jerusalem recently. I saw a picture via Facebook of my friend playing and building a snowman in the streets of the holy city. He’s 51 years old !! It reminds me, and I’m sure him, of us playing as kids in the streets of Queens. I’m sure he remembers how it was at night in Queens with the reflection of the snow and the addition of the decorative, sharp, bright color lights of the non-Jewish holiday, as well as the Chanukah menorah illuminating the sky. This was an unforgettable  moment of our cultural past.

            Snowman at the Kotel
After spending an entire summer in Tel Aviv when I was 8 years old, I got so homesick for pizza that no one, not my grandparents or cousins could console me. One of my relatives even went clear across town on his little moped (remember them) to find this foreign food. No one ever heard of pizza then. Boy has time changed.

The first thing which reminds me of spring is matzah and cream cheese and the cracking sound of a baseball bat hitting a ball and the smell of a leather baseball glove. It’s hard not to get sucked into the emotional aspect of a culture.

Perhaps one can put things in perspective with a very significant symbolic occurrence in last week’s parsha pertaining to the burning bush. If one reads the pasuk carefully one realizes the bush was not in the midst of the fire. (Shemot 3:2) The fire appeared within the bush. Moshe saw the fire within the bush. We also see in the last parsha of the Torah, VEZOT HABRACHA, where Yosef’s blessing is referring to this very incident of Moshe’s first encounter with G-d and the bush.
There is a incredible explanation from Rabbi Oelbaum pertaining to the burning bush phenomena which can be understood better with a famous story. The Romans were afraid to enter the  Kodesh HaKokoshim – the holy of holies – after conquering our holy Temple. So they said  “Whoever will volunteer to enter can take whatever he wants for himself.” The rebellious Jew Yosef Mishteh said defiantly “I will”. He proceeded to take out the beautiful golden menorah only to be taken away by the Romans. “This is to beautiful for a Jewish commoner. This should be given to the Emperor instead. We’ll let you go in again and take out whatever you want. However this time he refused. I will not desecrate my G-d a second time ” he said. Even after they threatened death he still refused. They executed him. The question the Sages asked what transpired within the period of time between the first time he went in and the second? Why the sudden change of heart? Why did he now care about his creator when before he didn’t?

The burning bush, which is the first thing G-d introduced to Moshe, represents that each Jew has a fire within him that is waiting to come out. Yosef was blessed for the fact that he maintained that fire throughout his lonely diaspora. Fire begets fire; when Yosef Mishteh walked into the Kodesh hakadoshim he was enamored by the majestic holiness of the place. That brought out the fire within him. It’s a fire we all have and protects us from the emotional aspect that connects us to the seductive diaspora.

We have to put things in perspective. It’s our duty as Jews and Halacha from the Torah to abide by the laws of the land, and most important, appreciate the United States of America; appreciate what circumstance G-d has put us in, that we can practice our religion; we should take advantage of our freedom. We should be who we are and what we are supposed to be.

The Enforcers

January 11, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of Rabbi’s Baruch Dopelt, Akiva Grunblatt, Jay Shapiro, Yitzchak Aminov and Dr. Robert Goldman. 

A United States Marine was taking some college courses between assignments. He had recently completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan.

One of the courses was taught by a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU. One day the professor shocked the class when he came in:  he looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you exactly 15 minutes.”
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.
Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, “Here I am God. I’m still waiting.”
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him, knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.
The Marine went back to his seat and sat there silently. The other students were shocked, stunned, and sat there looking on in silence.
The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, “What is the matter with you? Why did you do that?”
The Marine calmly replied, “God was too busy today protecting American soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So, He sent me”.

 

This is a case of an enforcer protecting the monotheistic ideal.. Its important that we have in every society law enforcement to protect the rights of the people. Its a must, or else society would not be able to function.  Where would we be without the excessive implementation of traffic tickets and the scant mini-meters. Thank you Mayor Bloomberg.

 

“I never heard of this G-d of the Israelites” Pharaoh proclaimed when his two guest came with a stern message. Pharaoh then said ” I’ll show them who’s boss” after Moshe and his brother Aharon approached him demanding to send the Israelites free. He then  made it harder for the  enslaved Jewish people by not giving them straw to complete their work. Now  the Israelites would have to spread out through the entire land of Egypt  to gather straw. However, the catch was, he said, the  production amount will not be reduced. This placed a tremendous amount of pressure on the Jewish foremen who scrambled to keep production at the same level.
 Unfortunately, there are times in history where we see ones own brethren are threatened into  enforcing certain laws against their own people by an imposing nation for their own agenda. Such is the case in this weeks parsha where Pharaoh, the Egyptian king, created a Jewish police force to implement his plan. If the Jewish slaves fell short of fulfilling their quotas, the Egyptians beat the Jewish foremen. However, the foremen sacrificed themselves to protect their fellow Jews. They absorbed the beatings and refused to retaliate against the overworked Jews. The Jewish foremen/police had mercy on their fellow comrades. (Rashi 5,14)
 Pharaoh decided the best cure for Moshe’s incitement was to make the Israelites work so hard that they would not have any energy to think of rebellion.
As Rashi notes, it was a courageous act on behalf of the Jewish foremen who defended their brethren. These foremen later were rewarded by being appointed ” the seventy elders of Israel”; they judged the people. This was a tremendous honor!!
pride and joy-celebrating finishing the seven year cycle of the Talmud at Met life where over 90,000 participated
The question is asked; we Jews pride ourselves on being an intelligent people. Our Talmud is an incredibly difficult & complex body of work and some of our greatest scholars (among many others)  study it on a daily basis. They even take time off from their busy schedule and form study groups. They find it extremely gratifying and stimulating. As far as intelligence is concerned, its the best in the business.  So if we are the scholarly front runners doesn’t one think the job description for the “Elders of Israel”, judges amongst our people should be more qualified then just ones who showed mercy? Granted it was a very noble gesture and one that deserves great reward. However, “elders” is defined as scholar.  There is no mention in the scriptures and in the Midrash about their intelligence. It seems like they were simple  foremen in Egypt. They were righteous but not “judge” material.
  As a matter of fact G-d didn’t pull the trigger on  expressing his desire for Moshe to be leader until the burning bush incident. The icing on the cake was seeing  Moshe exhibiting curiosity when seeing the burning bush. It showed an interest in knowing; it showed a desire to analyze a situation. So we see there is a degree of intelligence needed for a leadership position.
 We see a fascinating act by G-d. He rewarded the seventy foremen with added intelligence and  uplifted them to one of the highest positions among the nation. They stood by and protected the nation at their lowest point in Egypt and now they will be on top of the totem pole when the nation is  in its glory days. We see the importance of caring for ones fellow; we see an importance in showing mercy for mankind.
 Similarly, on a higher level, we find our forefather Avraham, who housed and entertained  guests constantly.He and his wife Sarah are famous for their acts of kindness toward people. One can ask, when did he have time to intellectually get close to G-d?  We know at a young age, impressively,  he deduced from nature that there is a one G-d . We also know his great grandfather, Shem, had what we call today a Yeshiva. The Sages say Avraham always had the burning desire to connect to G-d. However, there was no time on the schedule for the long weekend retreat. Although we see that Avraham was a highly intelligent he too was granted a gift,  a high level of spirituality. For his kindness towards people and branding ” helping your fellow man” ,G-d came to him personally.
  One can put the enforcer concept in perspective with this story of the Chazzon Ish, one of our contemporary leaders. It was the afternoon before Yom Kippur and someone approached the Chazzon Ish and asked him a question about his parnasa-livelyhood. The Chazzon Ish spent a considerable time with the person.  After a while the fellow asked the Rav ” Rebbi, don’t you need time to prepare for Yom Kippur? Why are you dedicating so much time on my behalf?” . He answered ” I am preparing for Yom Kippur by helping you with your livelihood”.
 Another story involves Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, one of the leading authorities on contemporary halacha of his time in the United States. A few weeks after he passed away one of the Rav’s secretaries  discovered an elderly woman who would call the Rav every Friday afternoon and asked him ” what time does Shabbat starts this week?” Here is a Torah giant who answers thousands of complicated halachic questions weekly yet finds time for this elderly lady to give her the Shabbat start time. The reason is the leaders job is to give to the people: it is to help them in any which way possible. If Rav Moshe satisfies this elderly woman by telling her the times, he has done his job. The leaders  have to be there for the AM-the nation.
Rabbi Dopelt tells a story of the Spliner Rav who would listen to one’s problems and cry and feel with him his pain. A few hours later he is rejoicing  at a wedding making the bride and groom happy to the highest degree. This is the degree of giving that one has to have for a fellow Jew.
 The Elders-enforcers were granted a gift; it was a miracle. One cannot expect to receive a high level of intelligence just from acts of kindness. However, we see  the importance of good character traits in G-d’s eyes. The good character traits are not wasted. G-d finds a place for the person performing good deeds whether the reward goes to him or his children.
 The Elders job is to prevent the nation from excessive hardship. We learn in the Torah if one does a certain sin he is punished with forty lashes. However, the Chachamim-Elders deduce from scripture that a Jew only receives thirty nine. The duty of the Sages is to alleviate  as much difficulty to our brethren as possible. If we can find a way to reduce one smack we have to discover it.
 The halacha-law  goes according to Hillel and not Shamai ,who was the stricter of the two. Although both were Torah greats in every sense of the word, Hillel possessed a bit  more humility and therefore all laws go according to him.
Good character traits alone doesn’t make the complete man. One has to combine it with the Torah. Its with the wisdom of the Torah that one see’s what is in the world and is then able to do act of kindness to the utmost.
 The  Chazzon Ish would map out a diagram and give it to the surgeon and tell him where the problem lies; the same goes with the Lubavitcher Rebbi. How would they know? They never attended medical school.
Kindness has away of coming back to you.
 Devorah was a prophetess and leader of the Jewish people. She became a leader  through an act of kindness. Every year she would contribute through her husband by making special wicks for the Menorah. Devorah realized the light of Torah has to be beautiful and it should be presented in the most honorable way. Her special devotion was recognized by G-d. She became leader of the Jews and lit the light not just of the menorah but also the entire Jewish people
There’s an old expression , ” They don’t care how much you know until they find out how much you care”.

 

I want the Bracha First!!!

January 30, 2014 Jewish Values No comments

This article was constructed with the help of Dr. Robert Goldman, Psychologist of Yeshiva Chaffetz Chaim and Rabbi’s Baruch Dopelt, Eliezer Finkleman, Yitzchak Aminov

Who doesn’t want to receive a bracha from their beloved father or grandfather? It’s a big honor. One gets a feeling of warmth and an awareness that the bracha has been passed down for many generations, for thousands of years. It’s beautiful!!

 

 

Interestingly, though, what happens when the beloved patriarch wants to give a more important bracha to your younger sibling? How would you feel? Would you feel slighted?  Does one still have that warm feeling?

 

 

We have an ancient tradition, and many would say, one of the most beautiful customs in Jewish life is for parents to bless their children at the start of the Friday night Shabbat meal. What makes it more important is it’s done at Shabbat table which is designed to be the grand stage for family communication and family love, especially in todays fast pace lifestyle where one doesn’t communicate with his family all week.  Girls receive the blessing: “May God make you like the matriarchs Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah.” Boys, meanwhile, are blessed “to be like Ephraim and Menashe.”
What happened to the patriarchs Abraham, Isaac and Jacob?! Why were Ephraim and Menashe chosen instead as the subjects of this important tradition?

 

 

In this week’s parsha, the last in the book of Sefer Bereshit, we see a very interesting pattern, the rejection of the first-born. When Yosef brought his two sons for a blessing from Yaacov, his father, who was old and ready to pass on, he did something very peculiar. Yaacov crossed his arms so that Efraim, who was the youngest, would be under his right hand and Menashe, who was older and purposely placed by Yosef at his grandfather’s right, got the left. Yaacov, who emphasized that Menashe also received a nice bracha, gave the more important blessing to Efraim.

 

We see through history that the first born, the well-respected elder, receives double the inheritance, losing, on many occasions, the status in which he inherited. This was apparent in the first generation of the world; Cain was the oldest; however Hevel got the reward. We know that Shem, (where our ancestors come from) one of three sons of Noach, was not the first-born. Abraham passed the baton to Isaac, the youngest, and not to Yishmael. The same is said about Isaac’s sons, Eisav, who was the bechor, but Yaacov was the brother chosen. Reuben, the eldest of the twelve tribes, neither got the first-born rights, the kingdom nor the kehuna (high priest).

 

 

First and foremost, the Torah is trying to emphasize that even though the first-born has changed the status of man and has made him a father of this precise bechor, nevertheless, the bechor has to earn the benefits that has been bestowed upon him. There’s no freebee; no job is safe. Apparently, it’s a demanding role and has to be maintained to the highest standard, or else he loses it.

 

 

There is a puzzling question: Okay, we learn “one has to earn his brownie points and nothing is a freebee” from the tragic story of Cain and Hevel, but the Torah keeps on harping the same pattern over and over. Why? We learned the lesson. Perhaps one didn’t get it the first time, so the Torah wants to accommodate those slow thinkers and present similar storyline; possibility?

 

Ephraim and Menashe represent a break from this pattern. This explains why Yaacov purposely switched his hands, blessing the younger Ephraim before the older Menashe:  there was no
resentment from Menashe. He was ok with it!!  There was no jealousy; he didn’t feel slighted. This was a tremendous revelation. Yaacov wished to emphasize the point that with these siblings, there is no rivalry. For this reason Menashe and Efraim both received their own tribe. They were the only grandchildren to receive this recognition. It was a tremendous act of respect on Yaacov’s part to give them such honor. He knew what refined character they both had.

        The book of Bereshit concludes with the positive unity of Menashe and Ephraim as one of its lead story. After all the sibling rivalry which we encountered, mankind finally got it right. For this reason, the Torah goes out of its way in the beginning of the second book of Shemot, to relay a conversation between G-d and Moshe pertaining Moshe’s appointment  as leader of the Israelites. Moshe was concerned that his older brother will be slighted. He was afraid he would be humiliated. After all, he was the leader of the nation until that point. Although Aharon did nothing wrong as leader, it was evident, one didn’t need to be a rocket scientist to realize Moshe was born with unusual gifts and was destined to be the redeemer.  We see Aharon’s greatness was to recognize Moshe’s ability and to realize he would be best for the nation of Israel. Aharon was happy to step down. It was totally a selfless and courageous act.

        One has to realize that it’s not so simple to overcome such a test. In fact, it’s one of the CHULSHAT ENOSH human weaknesses. There are a number of very interesting stories in our history pertaining to this test.

        The great HILLEL came to Israel from Babylonia. His activity of forty years likely covered the period of 30 BC to 10 AD. As soon as he came, everyone realized how great he was. He answered all the questions that was presented to him and knew all the Jewish discourses that was presented to him cold. It seemed like Shmaya and Avtalyon, the leading Rabbis, also realized that he was far greater than they. In response to his presence they resigned their position as leading Rabbis, relinquishing the mantle of leadership to him. A generation later the famous Rabbi Yehuda the NASI-prince, the leader of the Jews of his generation and the author of the Mishna said it would be most difficult, for me, to give up the position of president. I would not be able to relinquish the honor. Kol Hakavod to Shmaya  and Avtalyon for placing the welfare of the Jewish people in front of their life time achievements, goals and pride.

        Being the leading Rabbi has always been in the forefront throughout our history. In every corner of the world the head Rabbi was traditionally always recognized as the authority. It commands tremendous respect but with it he takes upon himself tremendous responsibility.

 

        In the 1700’s, there was a large Jewish community in Prague headed by Rabbi Yechezkel Laundau. The position of head Rabbi was traditionally chosen by vote. Rabbi Laundau narrowly beat out Rabbi Zorach, who was also tremendous Torah scholar. Rabbi Zorach was not satisfied. He felt he would be the better choice in serving the community. On the first Shabbat of Rabbi Laudau’s new position, Rabbi Zorach asked him a question in front of the congregation that he could not answer. It was clearly an embarrassing moment right at the start of his tenure. He came home and cried himself to sleep. His father, who had passed away some time ago, came to him in a dream where Rabbi Laundau disclosed to him his anguish over the question asked by Rav Zorach. His father said “Son you will find the answer of the question in the Tosfot in this particular tractate of the Talmud,” disclosing the page. The next morning sure enough the answer was there. He then showed it to Rav Zorach who himself was not aware of the Tosfot answer. He then asked him “how did you figure out the answer?” When he found out about his father coming to him from the next world to give him the answer and save face in front of the congregation, he rationalized if the other world is interfering with matters of this world and providing answers so Rav Laundau can keep his position then perhaps this is what the heavens want; this is what is suppose to be. He then gave up the quest to overthrow Rabbi Laundau and eventually became a staunch supporter of him.

        Rav Zorach could have rationalized the situation differently. We tend to look at everything to our favor. If man develops a liking to a certain view, he can make a straight line look crooked.

        It’s too simplistic to blame the individual alone for being selfish. It’s a lot more complex. One has many pressures. On occasion, the wife and other family members get involved, egging the person not to give up. Perhaps they would feel slighted by the individual not being chosen. One, at times, succumbs to pressure.  What starts out as a sincere project often ends up as an egotistical struggle; it’s scary, however, we tend to be drawn in to this natural human nature deficiency.

        One of the most sensitive person that I have ever met, who worked and stressed good character traits was the Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva Chaffetz Chaim Rav Henoch Liebowitz t’zl.

        At his Eulogy, one of the eulogizers said something mind boggling. He quoted Rav Henoch saying that “the toughest decision that I ever made was to pass over the position of Rosh Yesiva to his own chosen heir apparent.”

        Here is a man well into his eighties knowing well he cannot function as the head Rabbi because of health issues, has difficulty giving up the mantle.

        It’s not so easy!!

        We now can appreciate and acknowledge that Menashe was a remarkable human being and the same can be said of Aharon.

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