Spark of Jewish Experience

Rabbi Yissachar Frand quotes something mind-boggling from the Rabbeinu Bachaye (1255-1340) about a common practice in France’s illustrious past. “It is a custom of the pious people in France to use the wood from their dining room table to build their coffins for burial.” Think about the imagery. A man spends many occasions, and has many meals, with his friend around his dining room table. Then he goes to his friend’s funeral and he sees him being buried in the same wood that was his dining room table! Perhaps he may notice the ketchup stains from those french fries binges he had with his buddy. This strange custom is rooted in this week’s parsha.

The kohen had at his right hand the table – shulchan. It was made of acacia wood and overlaid with pure gold. Its size was 2 cubits (3 feet) in length by one cubit(1 1/2 feet) in breadth and a height of 1 1/2 cubits (2 1/4 feet). Around the table was a border of gold and then a little further in, on the table top, an additional border which would hold the contents in place. The table had four legs, and two gold plated poles were inserted through golden rings attached to the legs for transporting.

The purpose of the table was to hold 12 cakes of bread made of fine flour. They were placed there in two rows of six, each loaf representing one of the tribes of Israel (Lev. 24:8).

The Rabainu Bahaye goes through the symbolism of the Table and the “Show Breads” that were put on the Table. Then he says, quoting sources, that the term Shittim (acacia wood, from which the Table was made) is an acronym for Shalom, Tova, Yeshua, Mechila (Peace, Good, Salvation, Forgiveness). He points out that the Aron and the Altar were likewise made of acacia wood (Shittim) for the same reason.

What he is saying is that all the gifts — represented by Peace, Good, Salvation, and Forgiveness — that the Jewish people received during the time of the Temple, came about through the conduit of the vessels of the Temple.

Rabbeinu Bachaye goes on to ask that this is all fine and good while the Temple was standing — we had all these utensils to provide us with these wonderful blessings — but what do we have going for us now that we have been in Exile for 2000 years? He quotes a famous Talmudic passage “Now that the Temple is no longer standing a person receives atonement through his table” [Chagiga 27a]. What is our “Table” that atones for us now that we don’t have a Temple? It’s our dining room table.

A person is judged by others via his table manners – how he holds a fork, where he places his elbows on the table and whether he speaks while having food in his mouth.  How he conducts himself at the meal can be a deal maker or a deal breaker. He develops relationships through lunch and dinner appointments. There are times where some of the largest business transactions are made over a pizza!!

One has to remember though something crucial when having meals for the bracha that we mentioned above to formulate. What a person does with his dining room table – if he feeds the poor,  welcomes in the bride, etc. – acts of kindness encompassing the words of the Torah — that is his altar of atonement. When one sits at his Shabbat table and is surrounded by others with whom he is sharing his bounty, when he uplifts his guests and family spiritually, his table becomes his altar of atonement.

There are a number of incidences that illustrate the power of the table in a tremendous way.  The popular Billy Joel was performing a concert at Madison Square Garden on a Friday night in 1979, at the height of his popularity. It was the hottest ticket of the year. Many of my friends were planning to attend. It would have been a great opportunity to get to know a particular individual that I was interested in a bit better.  Unfortunately and disappointingly, to my surprise, I realized that I was the only shomer shabbat person amongst  my peers. Should I go or not go was the great debate going through my mind all week.  What will my father think? My father z’l was a man who never ruled with an iron hand; he never forced me to observe. However I was drawn to my parents great Shabbat table through love. It was relaxing, filled with singing, jokes, wonderful stories of our heritage, both personal, as well as about our nation, divrei torah and delicious foods. My  parents had the platform at the Shabbat table. I learned all about our rich family background and my father’s and mother’s personality shined during those moments.  I couldn’t imagine seeing my fathers eyes when I would tell him that I want to go to the concert. Although he wouldn’t object outwardly it would have hurt him immensely.

I came down to the Shabbat table upset, after deciding against going to the concert, since I felt like I really missed out.  However, that feeling changed as the warmth and the love resonated through the Shabbat performance of my parents.  I had no regrets; I felt just lucky to have experienced the Shabbat table.

R. Shimon says: “Three who ate at the same table and did not say any words of Torah it’s as if they ate from offerings of the dead [idol worship]”. This is perhaps one of the more famous mishnayot in Tractate Avot, if only because it led directly to the custom to have someone recite a devar Torah (a Torah thought), at a meal.

The Maharal begins the discussion by pointing out that the act of eating in particular is a time when we show our dependence on those who provide us with the food – it is where a servant or slave most directly gets sustenance from the master.  As such, a meal provides an opportunity to recognize explicitly our dependence on God.  To do so properly, however, we need to make clear that we rely on G-d for two aspects of our lives, the physical and the spiritual.  In addition, one of those aspects, the physical, will die and be gone forever; it therefore has only temporary value.  The other, the spiritual, is eternal.

When we most manifestly display our dependence on God, the Maharal continues, we need to insure that both aspects are included.  By discussing issues of Torah at a meal, we actively demonstrate our understanding of the two areas of our life where we enjoy God’s beneficence.  Otherwise, we are simply feeding our bodies, which is like serving a dead vessel, since the body itself has no staying power.

One always has to be sensitive and on the alert, for if not he may miss a valuable lesson from one who he encounters. Dating, when I was single, was a horrific experience for me, overall. However one learns about humanity, its vulnerabilities and its courage, through those trying experiences.

On one particular date I asked the girl what was the deciding factor in becoming observant of mitzvot. She said, “I was listening to lecture tapes and it was nice however it was a visit to one of my new shomer shabbat friends that changed me.  I arrived to their house on late Friday afternoon where the house looked like a war zone. Kids were fighting on line waiting for showers, clothes were everywhere, nonetheless everything cleared up miraculously a few minutes before the start of Shabbat. The girls were dressed like little angels as they lit candles with their mother and the boys marched out with there little suits accompanying their father to shul. When the boys came back they all said Shabbat shalom to each other before the whole family got to their seats at the table. It was a sight to see as everybody was listening attentively as the father of the house was saying the kiddush. There was no electronic gadget intruding into the moment, no telephone interruption, nothing was able to penetrate the privacy of this special time. Then they all received brachot from their parents. I was so taken by the experience, seeing such a serene, intimate family moment that I excused myself to go to the restroom where I started to cry. I knew then that is the life I want.

The purpose of the  custom of the Jews of France where they used the wood from their dining room table to build their coffins for burial– says Rabbeinu Bachaye — was to teach that a person will take nothing with him to the World of Truth except for the charity that he gave in his life and the goodness that he shared around his table. The charity, the guests, the widows, the orphans, the Baale Teshuva that one has fed, and the influence that one dispenses around his dining room table is all that he takes with him. The table is the altar of atonement for our generation — only Kindness and Truth accompanies us to the True World.