Two kids are talking to each other. One says, “I’m really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I’m worried sick!”
The other kid says, “What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you’ve got it made!”
Responds the first kid, “What if they try to escape?”
Any guy will confess (I actually took a survey) that the best years of his life when he was “still living at home”. No responsibility, being catered to and not having to worry about making a living is the way to go!! After all, it’s your own nest.
It seems like we really are dependent on our parents when we’re young. There is an old saying “one parent can take care of 10 kids however 10 kids can not take care of one parent.”
It’s very hard to fulfill the commandment of honoring one’s parents, especially when they’re old and cranky. Especially when one has the pressure of raising young children, a demanding wife and bills mounting endlessly. Many of us take pride in honoring parents, however, on occasion our patience is tested.
Once, a son took his frustrations to an extreme.
After his mother’s passing, the son moved the father in with him. He BaruchHashem had a growing family. The father had some medical issues, but the son with the right care took care of it. But juggling both family, work and an elderly father, who seemed like was blessed with longevity, became too challenging over the years. The loyal son became very impatient. Medical insurance was not covering all of the old man’s expenses. No matter how prosperous and modern thinking this country can be, it seems like it’s not prepared for the elderly. The son found himself behind the eight ball, in debt.
Pressure makes a person think irrationally. He decided to take some time off. As a child, the father would always take him camping. The stressed out son decided to take his father for a ride to the mountains. Rest and relaxation is therapeutic sometimes. The road was extremely and dangerously narrow and he had to drive carefully. As he was reaching his destination, an impulsive, horrifying idea surfaced. The son thought, “here is my opportunity” as they were camped at the edge of the mountain. Still he decided to see his father’s face one last time before he commits his act of desperation. He was taken aback seeing his father with a smile. Knowing that his father was a very smart man, he curiously asked, “Pop, why are you smiling?” The father answered back, “I did the same thing to my father”.
The son felt a cold chill as he realized that how one treats one’s parent is how he will be treated. Quickly, he took he father out of danger.
The reward:
“You will have longevity” means your children will follow in your ways. They will be an extension of you. This is what every parent wants, for their offspring to be “a chip of the old block” . One long life translates into two generations of you.
In this week’s Parsha, Chukat, we learn a valuable lesson of how to perform the mitzvot- commandments for chukim, or, laws that have no rhyme or reason. We might think we know what the purpose of a certain commandment is, however, we cannot fully comprehend the magnitude of the action of the mitzvah; it’s not for us to understand, we just have to do it. The most famous example of a chok is the red cow. One has to approach a chok with the same enthusiasm as he does with the mitzvot that make logical sense, like mishpatim-logical laws.
However, we often think that we have a good understanding of certain basic logical mitzvot. This dangerously leads us to decisions of when and to what degree must we observe certain mitzvot in certain situations.
All commandments originate directly from Heaven, and man’s intellect cannot fathom the reasoning behind them. Yet, because he still tries to interpret the Torah through logic, the Torah is sometimes undermined. For example, if a rational reason for a mitzvah no longer applies, one will argue that it makes the commandment inapplicable.
“Honor your father and your mother” is a classic example. It may come as a surprise, but truthfully “honor your father and your mother” in some cases doesn’t make sense.
We learn that if one strikes his father or mother, he receives the death penalty. This law even applies to children who are estranged to their parents. Even though the parent was not active in raising the child, and in fact was detrimental to the progression of him/her, nevertheless, the child would still be liable with the strict punishment of death…… Why?!
It would make sense for such a harsh punishment to be administered if the parent raised the child, if the parent gave their heart and soul (which they are supposed to do), then the severe punishment is appropriate.
Logically, one might think an irresponsible parent would be an exception to the harsh punishment. Furthermore, Rabbi Oelbaum who quoted the Chayei Adam, strengthens the emotional aspect of the commandment saying “ONE DOESN’T FULFILL THE MITZVAH OF HONORING THEIR PARENT BY JUST CATERING TO THEIR WISHES (LIKE BRINGING THEM TEA OR TAKING THEM TO DOCTORS. In order to fulfill the requirement, ONE HAS TO FIND IN THEM SOMETHING TO RESPECT, A POSITIVE TRAIT PERHAPS. THAT’S RIGHT, SOMETHING TO RESPECT WHICH DEFINES WHO THEY ARE…….THEN AND ONLY THEN WILL THE CHILDREN FULFILL THE COMMANDMENT OF KABED ET AVICHA VEH ET IMECHA. In some cases, finding something good about a person is a difficult task. Nevertheless, that’s the requirement. KABED-respect- means to seek something that deserves just that.
However, fulfilling the commandment is applicable for ANY PARENT, whether deadbeat or not!! Seemingly, the commandment is wishy washy, there is seemingly no logic to the ruling!!!
G-d therefore gave us certain commandments (the red cow) which all would agree lack rational explanation. From these we may derive that the entire Torah must be treated with Divine status, even if we don’t understand the raionale.
There is a unique severity to the punishment of chok. We actually see this from last week’s parsha, Korach. Korach, who sought honor, complained “we all were at Mount Sinai, why is Aharon, your brother, the only High Priest. Let there be a monthly rotation”. This complaint was against G-d’s decree. When G-d created the sun and the moon, they were both the same size. The moon complained “how can two kings wear the same crown”. G-d punished the moon for complaining by making it smaller. The Talmud tells us a story about an Arab who once approached a Jewish sage and asked him to come with him, “I have to show you something” the Arab said. He then showed him a place in the dessert, a spot in the ground where smoke was coming out. Every 30 days one can here voices coming out proclaiming “Moshe and his Torah is the truth and we, Korach’s assembly, were wrong”. Interstingly, every 30 days, correlating with Korach’s complaint, the moon, which decreases in size, is at its smallest.Where would we be without our parents? They raised us and made us who we are. We were insensitive. We kept them up late by forgetting to call; they were worried for us. They grew a lot of gray hair worrying for their kids. BUT DON’T YOU HATE IT WHEN THEY MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY!!One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out of her brunette head. She looked at her mother and asked, “why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”
Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white”. The little girl thought about this for a while and then said, “Mommy, how come ALL of Grandma’s hairs are white?”
One can arrive at many logical conclusions as to why we perform certain mitzvot. However, at the end of the day, one has to believe and perform the mitzvot wholeheartedly, regardless if it makes sense to him or not. This is a most difficult thing to do. Nevertheless, we have to remind ourselves that Judaism is a belief and belief comes from the heart.
Extracted from Rabbis Isaac Oelbaum, Baruch Dopelt , Yossi Bilus, Yitzchak Aminov Shli”ta.