Tag Archive for Yaakov

I want the Bracha First!!!

January 30, 2014 Jewish Values No comments

This article was constructed with the help of Dr. Robert Goldman, Psychologist of Yeshiva Chaffetz Chaim and Rabbi’s Baruch Dopelt, Eliezer Finkleman, Yitzchak Aminov

Who doesn’t want to receive a bracha from their beloved father or grandfather? It’s a big honor. One gets a feeling of warmth and an awareness that the bracha has been passed down for many generations, for thousands of years. It’s beautiful!!

 

 

Interestingly, though, what happens when the beloved patriarch wants to give a more important bracha to your younger sibling? How would you feel? Would you feel slighted?  Does one still have that warm feeling?

 

 

We have an ancient tradition, and many would say, one of the most beautiful customs in Jewish life is for parents to bless their children at the start of the Friday night Shabbat meal. What makes it more important is it’s done at Shabbat table which is designed to be the grand stage for family communication and family love, especially in todays fast pace lifestyle where one doesn’t communicate with his family all week.  Girls receive the blessing: “May God make you like the matriarchs Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah.” Boys, meanwhile, are blessed “to be like Ephraim and Menashe.”
What happened to the patriarchs Abraham, Isaac and Jacob?! Why were Ephraim and Menashe chosen instead as the subjects of this important tradition?

 

 

In this week’s parsha, the last in the book of Sefer Bereshit, we see a very interesting pattern, the rejection of the first-born. When Yosef brought his two sons for a blessing from Yaacov, his father, who was old and ready to pass on, he did something very peculiar. Yaacov crossed his arms so that Efraim, who was the youngest, would be under his right hand and Menashe, who was older and purposely placed by Yosef at his grandfather’s right, got the left. Yaacov, who emphasized that Menashe also received a nice bracha, gave the more important blessing to Efraim.

 

We see through history that the first born, the well-respected elder, receives double the inheritance, losing, on many occasions, the status in which he inherited. This was apparent in the first generation of the world; Cain was the oldest; however Hevel got the reward. We know that Shem, (where our ancestors come from) one of three sons of Noach, was not the first-born. Abraham passed the baton to Isaac, the youngest, and not to Yishmael. The same is said about Isaac’s sons, Eisav, who was the bechor, but Yaacov was the brother chosen. Reuben, the eldest of the twelve tribes, neither got the first-born rights, the kingdom nor the kehuna (high priest).

 

 

First and foremost, the Torah is trying to emphasize that even though the first-born has changed the status of man and has made him a father of this precise bechor, nevertheless, the bechor has to earn the benefits that has been bestowed upon him. There’s no freebee; no job is safe. Apparently, it’s a demanding role and has to be maintained to the highest standard, or else he loses it.

 

 

There is a puzzling question: Okay, we learn “one has to earn his brownie points and nothing is a freebee” from the tragic story of Cain and Hevel, but the Torah keeps on harping the same pattern over and over. Why? We learned the lesson. Perhaps one didn’t get it the first time, so the Torah wants to accommodate those slow thinkers and present similar storyline; possibility?

 

Ephraim and Menashe represent a break from this pattern. This explains why Yaacov purposely switched his hands, blessing the younger Ephraim before the older Menashe:  there was no
resentment from Menashe. He was ok with it!!  There was no jealousy; he didn’t feel slighted. This was a tremendous revelation. Yaacov wished to emphasize the point that with these siblings, there is no rivalry. For this reason Menashe and Efraim both received their own tribe. They were the only grandchildren to receive this recognition. It was a tremendous act of respect on Yaacov’s part to give them such honor. He knew what refined character they both had.

        The book of Bereshit concludes with the positive unity of Menashe and Ephraim as one of its lead story. After all the sibling rivalry which we encountered, mankind finally got it right. For this reason, the Torah goes out of its way in the beginning of the second book of Shemot, to relay a conversation between G-d and Moshe pertaining Moshe’s appointment  as leader of the Israelites. Moshe was concerned that his older brother will be slighted. He was afraid he would be humiliated. After all, he was the leader of the nation until that point. Although Aharon did nothing wrong as leader, it was evident, one didn’t need to be a rocket scientist to realize Moshe was born with unusual gifts and was destined to be the redeemer.  We see Aharon’s greatness was to recognize Moshe’s ability and to realize he would be best for the nation of Israel. Aharon was happy to step down. It was totally a selfless and courageous act.

        One has to realize that it’s not so simple to overcome such a test. In fact, it’s one of the CHULSHAT ENOSH human weaknesses. There are a number of very interesting stories in our history pertaining to this test.

        The great HILLEL came to Israel from Babylonia. His activity of forty years likely covered the period of 30 BC to 10 AD. As soon as he came, everyone realized how great he was. He answered all the questions that was presented to him and knew all the Jewish discourses that was presented to him cold. It seemed like Shmaya and Avtalyon, the leading Rabbis, also realized that he was far greater than they. In response to his presence they resigned their position as leading Rabbis, relinquishing the mantle of leadership to him. A generation later the famous Rabbi Yehuda the NASI-prince, the leader of the Jews of his generation and the author of the Mishna said it would be most difficult, for me, to give up the position of president. I would not be able to relinquish the honor. Kol Hakavod to Shmaya  and Avtalyon for placing the welfare of the Jewish people in front of their life time achievements, goals and pride.

        Being the leading Rabbi has always been in the forefront throughout our history. In every corner of the world the head Rabbi was traditionally always recognized as the authority. It commands tremendous respect but with it he takes upon himself tremendous responsibility.

 

        In the 1700’s, there was a large Jewish community in Prague headed by Rabbi Yechezkel Laundau. The position of head Rabbi was traditionally chosen by vote. Rabbi Laundau narrowly beat out Rabbi Zorach, who was also tremendous Torah scholar. Rabbi Zorach was not satisfied. He felt he would be the better choice in serving the community. On the first Shabbat of Rabbi Laudau’s new position, Rabbi Zorach asked him a question in front of the congregation that he could not answer. It was clearly an embarrassing moment right at the start of his tenure. He came home and cried himself to sleep. His father, who had passed away some time ago, came to him in a dream where Rabbi Laundau disclosed to him his anguish over the question asked by Rav Zorach. His father said “Son you will find the answer of the question in the Tosfot in this particular tractate of the Talmud,” disclosing the page. The next morning sure enough the answer was there. He then showed it to Rav Zorach who himself was not aware of the Tosfot answer. He then asked him “how did you figure out the answer?” When he found out about his father coming to him from the next world to give him the answer and save face in front of the congregation, he rationalized if the other world is interfering with matters of this world and providing answers so Rav Laundau can keep his position then perhaps this is what the heavens want; this is what is suppose to be. He then gave up the quest to overthrow Rabbi Laundau and eventually became a staunch supporter of him.

        Rav Zorach could have rationalized the situation differently. We tend to look at everything to our favor. If man develops a liking to a certain view, he can make a straight line look crooked.

        It’s too simplistic to blame the individual alone for being selfish. It’s a lot more complex. One has many pressures. On occasion, the wife and other family members get involved, egging the person not to give up. Perhaps they would feel slighted by the individual not being chosen. One, at times, succumbs to pressure.  What starts out as a sincere project often ends up as an egotistical struggle; it’s scary, however, we tend to be drawn in to this natural human nature deficiency.

        One of the most sensitive person that I have ever met, who worked and stressed good character traits was the Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva Chaffetz Chaim Rav Henoch Liebowitz t’zl.

        At his Eulogy, one of the eulogizers said something mind boggling. He quoted Rav Henoch saying that “the toughest decision that I ever made was to pass over the position of Rosh Yesiva to his own chosen heir apparent.”

        Here is a man well into his eighties knowing well he cannot function as the head Rabbi because of health issues, has difficulty giving up the mantle.

        It’s not so easy!!

        We now can appreciate and acknowledge that Menashe was a remarkable human being and the same can be said of Aharon.

Why do we have to cover our eyes when we say the Shema?

January 30, 2014 G-d and Us, Tefilla/ Prayer No comments
Brief background: Shema is the famous prayer we say four times a day; twice in the morning, once in the evening, and once at bedtime. We cover our eyes and recite the passage. Why?

 

We find in this week’s parsha when Yaacov met his beloved son, Yosef, after 22 years, when he thought he was dead, Yosef emotionally embraced him while Yaacov was so grateful to G-d that he recited the Shema. The concept behind Shema is that the whole body has to be emerged in the dedication to G-d. Symbolically, we are expressing it by covering our right hand on our eyes. The hand has five fingers representing our whole body. Instinctively, each finger covers its own territory.

 

* Thumb – instinctively cleans the mouth area
* Index finger – instinctively cleans the nose
* Middle finger – instinctively scratches the back area
* Ring finger – cleans the eyes
* Pinky, little finger – instinctively cleans the ears

 

When we say the Shema, it’s usually deep into the prayers where the concentration is intense. So when we do cover our eyes, this thought pattern should be applied.

Am I more loyal to being Jewish or being an American?

January 30, 2014 Jewish Values, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson No comments
” trust of American Jews was never the same after the Jonathan Polard case”
        The question one should ask: Am I more loyal to being Jewish or being an American?  Hey, I know what some of you are thinking. It doesn’t matter Jewish or American, I’m here to make money!! That is my mission here in the land of plenty. This popular notion is more apparent among immigrants than natural born US citizens.  Don’t misunderstand me, those who were born here definitely have that competitive edge. However,  immigrants arrived here hungry and more or less one dimensional. That helped negate the  seductive venues this country has to offer. Nevertheless their children and grandchildren, who are United States born with the American mishaga’as-devonigi,  travel beyond that got-to-make-it mindset and have more of an emotional attachment to the American culture and its philosophies.
       Therefore if you are an American Jew, it can be a very serious question.
Malcolm Hoenlein, executive vice chairman of the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations  said he gets complaints all the time from Jews claiming they’ve been denied access to security-sensitive posts because they are Jewish. The trust related to  being that patriotic Joe has been compromised since the Jonathon Pollard case. Jonathan Pollard is an American Jew  who was convicted in criminal court of passing classified information to Israel while working as a civilian intelligence analyst.
       Just recently, the Prime Minister of Israel Benjamin Netanyahu ordered two Israeli ministries to withdraw a poll asking expatriate Israelis and American Jews about their loyalties. On Sunday, Netanyahu told the Immigrant Absorption Ministry and the Foreign Ministry to halt distribution of the survey after news reports of its contents were published in the Israeli media.  Seemingly there is pressure on American Jews on both sides to show their alliance.

WHAT ARE YOU???!!!

        We learn a very important lesson from this weeks parsha about our status outside our land, the land of Israel,  that is,  which the Hagaddah expounds on a bit. During the Pesach seder we read:
        And he went down to Egypt” forced by Divine decree. “And he sojourned there” – this teaches that our father Jacob did not go down to Egypt to settle, but only to live there temporarily. Thus it is said, “They said to Pharaoh, We have come to sojourn in the land, for there is no pasture for your servants’ flocks because the hunger is severe in the land of Canaan; and now, please, let your servants dwell in the land of Goshen.”

        We learn that Yaacov came down to Egypt with the intention of  “LAGUR SHAM”- to live there only temporarily – until the famine was over, not to “LEH’HISHTAKEAH- to live there permanently. Yaacov’s children did not intend to tare down houses and build them from scratch  with fancy brick gates.The  patriarch Yaacov’s mind set was , ” we’re only here for a cup of coffee and a quick thought, then we will leave”. We will soon learn this is the proper thought we all must have out side of our homeland.

         As a matter of fact the vital philosophy that Yaacov instilled in his children of being ” guests” saved them from remaining in Egypt and integrating with them. That being said they would never have become a nation and would have lost the Jewish identity forever
        However the RAMBAN asks a very interesting question. If  Yaacov’s intention was to reside on a temporary basis then why did Yosef buy them houses in the land of Goshen which is on the outskirts of Egypt? Why not, just,  rent?!
 
       Secondly Yaacov sent his son Yehuda with specific instructions to set up study halls and notified  Yosef, to make arrangements  for them to live in the land of Goshen. The simple understanding is that its away from the Egyptians and their culture. This will prevent intermingling. Apparently Yaacov knew there were tremendous benefits in residing , at least temporarily, in Goshen. What was the benefit?

       Thirdly, G-d decreed upon  Avraham’s descendent in his covenant with him (15,13 Bereshit) ” Know with certainty that your offspring’s shall be aliens in a land not their own and they will serve them, and they will oppress them 400 years”. However Yaacov lived 17years in Egypt in peace tranquility. What happened to the oppression?

         Yosef purposely bought houses for them ONLY in the land of Goshen. One reason for this is so that they should not intermingle with the natives. Another reason is that Goshen is in close proximity to Israel. The plan was to be in and out. The last reason for this is that the land of Goshen was given as a gift to Sarah by Pharoah. . Sarah withheld herself from the advances of Pharaoh and thereby elevated herself spiritually.  This was a tremendous test for both, Sarah, as well as Avraham. Sarah’s morality and loyalty was tested.  Also we read in the scriptures that Sarah protected her son Yitzchak from the evil influence of Yishmael. She forced Avraham to remove Yishmael from the household. Goshen was infused with her spirit in which outside influence will not be tolerated. In her merit, the land of Goshen was on a different spiritual plane. When the Mashiach comes, Goshen will be part of ERETZ YISRAEL proper.
        Our ancestors needed to stay in Goshen. There, the curse of oppression did not take place because of the merit of Sarah. Since it was Jewish land therefore the Egyptians honored that. Perhaps if the Jews would have stayed in Goshen, in the user-friendly and protective ghetto, they indeed would have been out in a short period of time. However, the Pasuk says (Shemot1,7) “and the Israelites blossomed and prospered and filled the land”. They began to live outside the ghetto, in the heart of where the Egyptians lived, in the center of town. Jews have a certain “ants in the pants” attitude that they cannot feel at home. “We have to get out and move uptown, we’re the intelegencia”. The only ones who actually stayed behind were from the tribe of Levi who continued to study Torah in Goshen. The tribe of Levi was untouched.

        We see on many occasions  in our Jewish history where we’re down trodden after being persecuted we then migrate to a new country. The Jews, with difficulty, put their lives back together. They slowly rebound. However, when ” they make it”  they get too comfortable; they imitate the host culture, dress, language. In fact they do it better then the non-Jews. We act like Goyim better then the Goyim!!! Jews then try to blend in where, once again, they get persecuted all over again. The cycle continues.
        The Meshech Chochma, Rabbi Meyer Simcha said over a chilling prophecy in the early 1920’s about the Jews in Germany who called Germany “our country”. The popular slogan was “Berlin is our Yerushalayim”. Rabbi Meir Simcha predicted the Holoucaust. How history repeats itself. It happened with the Golden age if Spain, Uzbekistan,  Iran……chas veshalom…don’t say it!!!!
 

        We have to adopt Yaacov’s Philosophy of ” being guests.” If we feel that way then we will retain our Jewishness, our culture, our sense of self.
       One should be aware, how blessed we are. When we do make the move uptown, to a better neighborhood, we should look for, first and foremost, a good Synagogue of close proximity, a good Yeshiva, a place to learn torah,  (study hall) and a kosher PIZZA PLACE!!

        We should not contemplate “are we an American first or a Jew first”. We have to maintain the attitude of our immigrant parents, who, for 40 years always said “we’re going back to Israel soon”. Although they never did, they subconsciously protected themselves from becoming an American and thereby getting too comfortable and making them susceptible to the dangers of losing their Jewishness.

        The key is to feel that this is not our land. Our land is Israel. We are strangers here and the goal is to eventually return to our homeland. This frame of mind will protect us. How dangerous it is to talk like them, think like them, enjoy the same foods and entertainment they do. If one doesn’t hang on to his Jewishness, what will prevent him from pursuing the attractive Irish girl in the class. One can be an American. We must,  however, act like an immigrant; a perfect stranger.

Qualities We Should All Have and A Leader Most Certainly Have…

January 28, 2014 Chanuka, Jewish Values, Sensitivity To Others No comments
        What president, prime minister, rabbi, community leader would you vote for? What qualities should he/she have?
        Let’s look at the weekly parsha, Mikeitz, our current holiday, Chanukah, and this week’s anniversary of a tragic event in order to fully understand what we look for, and should look for, in a leader.
        YOSSEF THE DREAMER….was that his claim to fame? We see he became a leader for interpreting Pharaoh’s dream but what propelled him to be considered a leader?
        This past week we commemorate the 50th anniversary of the assassination of John F Kennedy, who was the President of the United States at the time.

        A new national poll finds John F. Kennedy is the most popular president of the last half century. The CNN/ORC International survey found 90 percent of all Americans approve of how Kennedy handled his job as president. No other president of the last half century even comes close. However if one looks at his accomplishments during his short tenure as president its mediocre at best. So why was he so popular?

        Granted,, Kennedy’s untimely end may play a part in his popularity. He’s become enshrined as a martyr, particularly in Democratic households. But William McKinley was another popular, energetic president cut down by an assassin’s bullet. He faded from the popular mind in a way JFK has not.

        Kennedy had style but not substance. A poll was taken of the radio listeners and television viewers of his presidential debate with Richard Nixon. The radio listeners of the debate favored Nixon; those who watched on television thought Kennedy won. True, much of the adulation for Kennedy during his life and since, originated in arguably superficial attributes; his youth, personal attractiveness and sophistication and many of us are seduced by those traits. The country was hypnotized by his Hollywood looks and his beautiful young family and he took advantage of the media any chance he got. His press conferences were interesting, compelling and humorous. It seems the thing that gave Kennedy’s such greate success was the thing that his detractors often criticized, his charisma. He had such a feel for the importance of inspirational leadership and the willingness to use it to great ends. But his election at age 43 to succeed the 70-year-old Dwight D. Eisenhower represented a generational shift in American leadership that was as much a source of popular excitement as Kennedy’s individual qualities. As he said in his inaugural address, “the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans – born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace”.

        My mother told me that my father cried the day Kennedy was assassinated and many I spoke to said their parents did the same. However Rabbi Baruch Dopelt quotes his mother ” if I knew then what I know now about the immoral things he did then I would not of had the same sad tears”. At the time Kennedy famously came across as caring about his family and about the nation.

        The brothers sold Yossef and he wound up in Egypt and then, after a period of living in master Potifar’s house as the head butler, ended up in jail. In jail Yossef met two Individuals, the head butler and the head baker.

        The attribute of caring for others was Yossef’s ticket out of jail and eventually lead to his appointment by Pharaoh as Viceroy of the superpower of the world, Egypt. As we read in last week’s parsha (40:7) there were 4 words that Yossef uttered “MADUA PENECHEM RAIM HAYOM?”-why are you so sad today? The caring, sincere concern, which they sensed, of Yosef towards the 2 jailed officers of Pharaoh enabled them to open up to him and eventually disclose their personal dreams.

        We see in this parsha as well, It says (41,56) “VAYISHBOR LE’MITZRAIM”- Joseph opened all the containers of stored food during the famine yearshimself and gave the people. Again we see an act of caring on Yossef’s part.

        Mr. Yehuda Fouzailoff, a prominent founder of the Bukharian community in New York, said one such person who fits that description is his brother-in-law, Mr. Hannan Benyamini. Hannan, as he was lovingly known, was one of the few who was recognized by just his first name, cared very much about his community. “People sensed his sincerity and perhaps this quality was one that made him so successful as a leader. He was then able then to spread different tasks among prominent individuals in the close-knit community”. Mr. Fouzailoff continues “I never saw a leader quite like him. His goal was to bring individuals to synagogue on a weekly basis. Because this was the Jewish thing to do; it worked! Every week after the services there was a Kiddush. The wives came to help; they cut vegetables for Israeli salad which combined well with the Shabbat eggs”. This warm, caring and homey environment eventually grew to a very big gathering on Shabbat and eventually the enormous community it is now.”

        This caring quality is evident throughout our Torah especially as a prelude to leadership. Both Moshe and David spent time as shepherds in order to fine tune their character for caring. The ingredient for caring comes from humility. One has to be subservient to his people; they come first.

        How many times did Moshe attempt to sacrifice himself for the sake of the Jewish people? David didn’t care about his honor by dancing for the sake of G-d. There were those who didn’t think it was dignified. Nevertheless, G-d was honored by David’s devotion.

       It says that Yossef was cold to his brothers when they greeted him. Although they did not recognize him, he recognized them. Later on though it said Yossef could not hold back the tears and disclosed to them who he was.

        What soften Yossef from his cold feeling towards his brothers? What changed his attitude towards them?

        A very important growing experience, among the brothers, occurred in this week’s parsha. Lets examine the verses.

        Yaacov was hesitant to send Benyamin, his youngest son and the son of his most beloved wife Rachel, to Egypt. The viceroy, Yossef, who’s real identity was not yet disclosed to Yaacov and his sons, offered a proposition. If Yaacov’s family would like to purchase food, the youngest brother had to travel with the other brothers down to Egypt. This did not sit very well with Yaacov, considering that Benyamin’s older bother from the same mother, was already lost in Egypt. It wasn’t until Yehuda’s guarantee that if he does not return Benyamin unharmed then he will lose his share in OLAM HABA-the next world, that Yaacov acquiesced to their request.

         For thousands of years ever since then, the tribe of Yehuda would act as a protector for the tribe of Benyamin. As a matter of fact, this is the reason that their tribes are adjacent to each other in their respective territories in Yerushalayim. Most Jews today are from these two neighboring tribes.

When Yossef saw how Yehuda, who was from a different mother, cared for and protected his little brother Benyamin; how he was willing to give up his life both in this world and his olam habah, he realized they have grown , matured and learned to care deeply for each other. He thought now I forgive them. Now is the time to reunite.

I heard a beautiful story at the eulogy for Rabbi Joseph Grunblatt this past week.

It was right before the first scud missile attack where the mad man, Saadam Hussain was threatening to launch these weapons into Israel. One of the congregants of Rabbi Grunblatt synagogue, the Queens Jewish Center, called with a concern. Apparently his son was learning in a Yeshiva in Israel for the year. The father wanted to know how soon can he bring him home back to the states before the rocket attack starts in the following week. Rabbi Grunblatt said “I thought you were going to ask me how long should he stay, perhaps another year!!. He will be fine there.”

Well the following Sunday, when the evil monster Hussain promised to launch the attack, the parents of this boy were glued to the TV set watching CNN coverage and there was a knock on the door. It was Rabbi Grunblatt. He wanted to sit with the parents and see the coverage with them.

As one knows their history, Israel was able to intercept the majority of the scuds. Miraculously we had not one fatality throughout the whole ordeal.

Rabbi Grunblatt apparently thought their child was in no danger from the scud attack. This is exactly what the Greeks wanted to accomplish in the Chanukkah story. They wanted us to abandon our spirituality. They wanted to take away the Torah that we learn. Torah is what makes us Jewish. We are not prepared to do that. We would not let them succeed.

The good Rabbi also showed humanity; he showed he cared and he showed what any good leader should do.

Parshat Vayishlach

January 27, 2014 Highlights on the Weekly Parsha No comments
First Portion
* DO YOU KNOW HOW TO WIN OVER YOUR ENEMY? We have our share of people who don’t exactly like us whether as individuals or as a nation. The last couple of weeks we have witnessed how easily our enemies can ignite our surroundings and put us on the edge of war. Every once in a while we get a wake up call and realize there are many who hate us. This week’s parsha is a textbook account on how to deal with our enemies. Our forefather Yaacov was informed that his brother who he hasn’t seen in over twenty years was approaching towards him with four hundred soldiers so he devised a plan on how to appease the enemy and to come out of a dangerous situation unscathed. The three point plan was prayer (some of those prayers have become the essential part of our daily services ), gifts (bribing them, resulting in their softening their stance against us) and battle (last resort).
* The sages say there are seven degrees of hate that Eisav had for his brother so for this Yaacov bowed down to his brother seven times. Each time another layer of hate was removed. Although one of the lessons to be learned is not to rely on miracles and not to trust one’s own righteousness but do whatever is in your power. One should give the utmost effort, whether it be skill, charisma, intelligence, kind words to beat your foe. However it seems like from the Sages perhaps Yaacov flattered his brother a bit too much. For the seven times he bowed down to Eisav, Yaacov’s descendents were punished with seven brutal kings that tortured our people.
* R Sampson Refael Hirsh indicates that the actions and philosophy of life of Yaacov and Eisav is reflected upon their respected desendents throughout history. Yaacov is absorbed in his concerns for the wholeness and welfare of his family. He builds himself up gradually, and finally attains internal happiness and a tranquil family life, but the political strength is always in the hands of others. Eisav, on the other hand, is already established as both a ruler and warlord of his people, as described at the end of the parsha. For thousands of years this struggle has continued between Yaacov and Eisav. Yaacov has the glorious family life, centered around Shabbat and Holidays while Eisav has the strength and power. Should the main focus and philosophy of man be the pursuit of political power? That is the question the Torah with all its mitzvot (commandments) gives us a clear answer on. The final victory will belong to the moral side and not the one with the power. This is evident by the kiss in which Eisav gives Yaacov, as it gives a hint as to what will happen in the end of days. The emotions Eisav shows indicates that deep within him beats a spark of humanity which he will concede and relinquish the sword philosophy. The scene where Eisav, the strong one, falls on the neck of Yaacov. That is a victory for justice which will be the final stage between the struggle of Yaacov and Eisav.
Second Portion
*We learn from this section it’s not wise to travel alone at night. Yaacov encountered Eisav’s angel, after he went back to retrieve a few things (pachim), whom he fought and struggled with till the morning.
*Why didn’t a dark angel confront Avraham or Yitzchak? Why just Yaacov? The reason is Yaacov represents Torah. The Satans main concern is if a Jew is learning Torah. Torah is an essential part of our being.
Third Portion
* An angel has one task, mission, then he is PATUR-accomplishes his mission; the last step, whether he succeeded or not, is singing to G-d . Interestingly, Yaacov asked the angel his name (shem) however he could not answer because one’s name is defined by the accomplishment of his mission, which he failed. SHEM (name) and SHAM (there) are from the same root. One has to go there, wherever his mission is, to accomplish one’s name. That is what a soul, NE-SHAM-MA, is all about. Whenever the Torah uses the style with SHEMO first, as in SHEMO MANOACH (his name is Manoach), the Shemo serving as the lead-in indicates this particular individual accomplished his mission. However if the name is first, followed by the SHEMO, as in NAVAL SHEMO, he did not accomplish his mission.
Fourth Portion
* The scripture say that they kissed. Our sages say that Eisav tried to bite Yaacov in the neck. Many commentaries say Eisav’s kiss was compared to a bite. This is symbolic; in future generations whenever Eisav embraces Yaacov the end result will be negativity, assimilation, etc.
Fifth Portion
* An inhabitant of Shechem rapes Yaacov’s daughter Dina. Shimon and Levi take revenge. Did Shimon and Levi act properly, deceiving the people of Shechem and killing them? It seems like a pretty severe punishment to inflict the entire city for the act of one evil person. In the scripture the Torah seems to indirectly justify what the brothers did. Yaacov, though,to an extent agreed to the circumcision part, however didn’t know the extent of what they planned and did. He figured they would grab Dina when the men were at their weakest due to the circumcision. In essence they acted with out the approval of Yaacov. Here we learn the extent of punishment provided to an accomplice. Yaacov mentions the fact that “hono” that was violated by their actions. His sons responded when one deals with swindlers one must forgo honor.
Sixth Portion
* Words are dangerous; especially ones of Tzadikim. When Lavan accused him of stealing his idols. Yaacov, out of frustration, said who ever stole the idols shall die. He was unaware that his beloved wife Rachel had done so.
Seventh Portion
* After the death of Rachel, Ruben was insulted that the main bed of Yaacov was not put in his mother’s tent. So he switched the beds himself, angering his father. However Yaacov did not respond until years later when he was was about to die and giving the brachot to each son.

Have you ever been Bullied?

January 27, 2014 G-d and Us, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson, Sensitivity To Others No comments
Advice and insights from Doctor Robert Goldman Psychologist at Yeshiva Chaffetz, Rabbi Isaac Oelbaum, excerpts  from the teachings of Rav Henoch Leibowitz, also excerpts from “The New York Times and The Miami Hearold”

Is intimidation a way of life?  Or perhaps one can say being intimidated is an initiation to life. Does the reader recall being tormented by a classmate, fellow worker, a friend, or I should say an ex-friend? Everybody has had a bully at one point in his life; it’s part of life. If he was spared the bullying throughout childhood years, the tormentor may found him in high school. Perhaps it happened in freshman year of college. How difficult was it, or perhaps still is, to show up to class, or to the office, knowing that this monster will be there, ready to pounce on you, the first opportunity it gets?

 

We learn a valuable lesson from this week’s parsha from the interaction between the Tormentor, Eisav , his descendant Amalek, and our forefather, Yaakov. But, first let’s examine a bazaar situation that occurred recently.

 

“For the entire season-and-a-half that he was with the Miami Dolphins, he attempted to befriend the same teammates who subjected him to the abuse, with the hope that doing so would end the harassment.
A puzzling question is asked:
How do you bully a 6-foot-5, 300 pound, ferocious player (starting offensive tackle) in the National Football League?

This is not the first question that should come to mind in the wake of the hazing story coming out of the  Dolphins’ locker room during the past week (hazing is the practice of rituals and other activities involving harassment, abuse or humiliation used as a way of initiating a person into a group). The proper response is to mourn the absence of civility in the N.F.L. and to demand that Richie Incognito, the player accused of bullying and threatening a teammate, Jonathan Martin, to be exiled from the league.

 

But in a league defined by its violence, where every player aspires to impose his will on opponents, how does bullying become so intense that a massive football player stands up, leaves the team and simply goes home?

 

Did Incognito, a veteran with a checkered history and a reputation as a dirty player, do this on his own? Or did he have the help and participation of teammates who went along for the ride?

 

In Miami, it was apparently a combination of the two.

 

Judging from their reactions, some of Incognito’s teammates enjoyed watching Martin being used as the butt of jokes.

 

Incognito has been suspended indefinitely by the Dolphins, accused of crossing a long-established line of rookie hazing to torment Martin. Yet Dolphins cornerback, Will Davis, said to reporters earlier this week of Incognito: “He’s a funny guy. Everybody loves him.”

 

Wide receiver Mike Wallace was more effusive.

 

“I love Richie,” he said. “I think he’s a great guy. He’s an intense guy. Everybody knows that. I think he was just being Richie.

 

“I love playing with Richie. I wish he was here right now.”

As if the N.F.L. didn’t have enough headaches on and off the field between concussions, drug testing, and crime, now the commissioner has to deal with bullying in the locker room.

 

I’ve been in plenty of locker rooms, from grammar school through high school and college, and things can be raunchy. There is a lot of name-calling.

 

By the time the players reach the N.F.L., a billion-dollar business played by millionaires, one would hope, they have flushed this out of their systems.

 

Clearly, that is not the case. Though on teams with great leadership, locker-room tensions don’t usually reach the commissioner’s office. Now that these have, Roger Goodell, must deal with Incognito. A lifetime ban would be too harsh. But a suspension, possibly for the rest of the season, even if the Dolphins were inclined to bring Incognito back, which they do not seem to be, seems fair. That, and a stern message to the players that the days of hazing young players, everything from making rookies pay for dinner to carrying veterans’ bags, are over.

 

My concern for Martin is how this will mark him for the rest of his career. Many are paying lip service to how terribly he has been treated, but in locker rooms and team offices, and not just in Miami, there may always be whispers that Martin is “soft.”

 

The N.F.L. is not the Boy Scouts. Professional football is not an ordinary workplace. In a world where most fans make their livings, corporations would look at Incognito’s resumé and run the other way. In the N.F.L., personnel directors might look at Incognito, crude, troubled and violent, but also a former Pro Bowler, and say, “He’s our kind of guy.”

 

As for Martin, at another time and in a different context, he would be lauded for refusing to be provoked. He obeyed the biblical decree to turn the other cheek, that “if someone hits you on the side of your face, let him hit the other side too.”

 

It’s a wonderful sentiment. But the N.F.L. has its own bible, and that passage isn’t in it.

It seems like a 300 pound football player is having a difficult time in his working environment. How do we fair in our workplace?

 

       I asked our good doctor, whom always provides us with his intuitive insights, Dr. Robert Goldman, Psychologist of Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim, about the subject of bullying. He said “There are people who enjoy making others squirm. They love playing the dictator role; “I’m in command  and you are nothing” “.
       Lets explore the behavior of kids for instance. The nicest children can become the biggest bullies as a result of their insecurities. They want to be leaders at the expense of putting down others. These bullies pick on children that they know can not stand up for themselves; they pick on individuals that have no self confidence. They rally others against the victim feeling good that they were the ones who controlled the momentum, the situation and emotions of others. “Teachers”, he continues, “make a big mistake in telling the victim to come to them when someone bullies them. This in flames the tormentor even more. Although the teachers are in control of the class, they, for the most part, are not present at recess and after school. It leaves the victim hung out to dry”. The doctor continues with a grin “What the victim should do is fight back!! He should punch them in the mouth. When the tormentor see’s that there is opposition; the victim is standing up for themselves; when he sees that there are strong consequences, he’ll say “it doesn’t pay to bully again, at least for this victim.”

       “One of the classic memorable  episodes of the science fiction series Star trek where one of the characters, unknowingly, is able to bring back people from his past. “Be careful what you think” . This someone happened to be his biggest tormentor when he was a youth at the academy.”
       On two occasions in high school, I got into a fight with bullies and they never bothered me again. They were surprised I stood up for myself and one was even more surprised that I hit him in the eye with a right hook. When I responded to his request of “lets fight” with a yes, he was surprised as the room was beginning to get filled to see the fight. Nevertheless fighting should be a last resort, as we will soon learn.

How can you fight back against the non-Jews, especially when some of them are so powerful?

In many cultures we the Jews had our share of anti-Semitism. There is a common misconception that this time we’ll show some muscle. We have our slogan “Never again”. Yada yada yada. However, winning battles against the enemy was not done with our physical strength. The Jew fights back with his intellect; we have to be clever. The good doctor gives an example of  an anti-semite and someone who was more or less neutral, were running for office in a Polish town, many years ago. The Jews saw that they didn’t have enough votes to beat out the anti-Semite so they decided to give money to the anti-Semite. Basically they supported the Jew-hater. After the election the anti-Semite, who happened to win the election, was very supportive of the Jewish cause. What transpired was that the Jews learned from their history, particularly this week’s parsha, and how Yaakov, our forefather, had a 3 step plan – 1) flattery and bribes, 2)prayer and, as a last resort, 3)war. The flattery and bribe worked.
       Amalek, which is Eisav’s decedents, have been known to be our biggest bullies over the course of history. They have always had an intense hatred, manifested by their ferocious cruelty towards us. However, besides the incident in this week’s parsha, where Eisav comes with 400 solders, not with the intent to just bully Yaakov, but to kill him outright, one can say, through their previous dialogue, there was no trace of bullying. As a matter of fact they left each other in peace.
       What, then, transpired that they became public enemy #1?
       In order to understand why Eisav’s descendants turned out to be such monsters, we have to explore one of the dramatic moments in the Torah; the moment when Yosef revealed to his brothers that he was indeed their long lost brother, whom they sold. At the moment of his announcement they felt a terrible sense of embarrassment. What were they embarrassed about?  We assumed because they sold him as a slave. Not quite, the brothers were ashamed of their cruelty that they expressed when he was pleading with them to take him out of the dangerous pit. They heard his cry but showed no mercy. Instead, the brothers sat down and had a meal. At their moment of remorse they were afraid that they would lose their status as G-d representatives. ACHZARUT, cruelty, breeds cruelty. The brothers were concerned how they were desensitized to the situation at hand.
       We each have in our DNA a repertoire of character traits that are ready to sprout up, weather positive or negative. When that particular trait finally emerges, it can mutate and, in time, be a significant part of our personality. Therefore the child who bullies is susceptible to intensifying the character trait of cruelty. This trait can pass down to one’s descendants.
       Eisav’s eternal hate towards his brother manifested itself and intensified in his descendants. When the exhausted and displaced Israelite nation passed through the splitting of the see and into the dessert, Amalek were the first to greet them with an army ready for war. One can see the cruel intensity by the designed timing of there attack.
       We must be aware of the magnitude of the consequences of the bully and the victim. When children are involved in this action, one has to realize that the intimidator is starting his career, while the victim might incur scars for life.
PUTTING THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE  INTIMIDATOR/VICTIM
       Mazal is Mazal; some are born with making money and it’s quite easy for them. Others have to resort to extensive, deeply concentrated, tearful prayers in order for Hakadosh Baruch Hu to budge and throw them a bone or two, if they’re lucky!!
       Such was the case of a very poor shoe maker, Shmuel, who’s mazal drastically changed when his long lost cousin died. (I often ask myself, why don’t I have these long lost cousins?) Shmuel inherited his fortune and within days his friends and family began to treat him differently. They offered him a closer seat to the bima in shul, where eventually, he became the president. Shmuel moved to a nicer block and a bigger house. People made sure to say hello to him in the street.
       There is one thing that Shmuel dreamed of more than anything in the world and that is he wanted his daughter to marry the Rabbi’s son. Shmuel began to use many of his contacts and resources to make that dream possible. One day, one of the matchmakers calls Shmuel and tells him that the Rabbi’s family agreed and are interested in his daughter. It seemed Shmuel was more excited than the girl, waiting anxiously after their dates and asking how it went. One day, the daughter comes home excited and said he proposed!!
       At the wedding, Shmuel was gleaming from ear to ear as the chupah started. However, not all the guests were happy for Shmuel. His old shoemaker buddies were jealous. When Shmuel, the kallah’s father, was called to recite one of the sheva brachot, one of his old jealous friends just couldn’t take it anymore. He gets up, takes off his shoe, and screams out “Hey, Shmuel the shoemaker, my shoe tore. Can you fix it?” Everybody in the hall was silent. Shmuel was so embarrassed and humiliated that he fainted. “Quick, someone call Hatzalah!” someone yelled out. Unfortunately, there was nothing anybody could do for poor Shmuel. He had a massive heart attack and died.
       One can say, in the heavens, his jealous friend would be accountable for Shmuel’s death. However, there is someone who is more responsible. That is Shmuel himself. One has to realize Shmuel should not have been embarrassed. G-d gave him the money. If he would have faith in G-d, he would realize G-d runs the world. He should have felt fortunate that G-d transformed him from a poor shoemaker to accumulating nice wealth. It wasn’t he who earned it. Once an individual begins to believe I made the money, the inflated ego sets in and he’s bound to get hurt and humiliated and fail the test.
       Everyone in life is faced with a tormentor. Some of us encounter them at every juncture of our lives. One has to know how to deal with them and realize its not the arrow but the shooter; its not the tormentor but G-d who’s testing us.

Appreciating What One Does for You

January 20, 2014 Hakarat Hatov, Jewish Values, Tzniut- Modesty No comments
            The King of the Jewish nation, Shaul, felt threatened by David who became very popular by winning one of the most lop-sided one-on-one battles in history, by beating the giant and heavily favorite, the ferocious Goliath. Goliath represented one of Israel’s archrivals, the Philistines. It was a tremendous show of courage and David became an instant hero. David was from the tribe of Yehuda where the kings were to be chosen from. Shaul, who came from the tribe of Benjamin, knew inevitably someone from Yehuda would become king. Later the prophet Shmuel anointed David the future king of Israel, which infuriated the present king. Shaul’s animosity became so great toward David that he wanted to kill him. However, as time went on, David became stronger, gathering up men to join him. In one of the more famous incidences in the Tanach (Prophets), David snuck up to where Shaul was sleeping, who was in the midst of chasing him, and cut Shaul’s garment. By demonstrating this act and showing it to him later, he wanted to be clear, as to convey that he has no hostility toward Shaul and how easily it would have been to kill him.’ I have no ill will toward you’; perhaps, Shaul should soften his stance towards him.
       It’s most puzzling that when David who was on his deathbed, he could not keep warm; he was constantly cold and no garment could make him comfortable. Apparently, he was being punished for cutting the garment of Shaul. But why? David wanted to make a point of strength; he wanted to make peace between them. Perhaps Shaul was humiliated, but, even so, it was not intended to be a malice act. Why was he punished so severely?
        In this week’s Parsha, we find Yaacov wanting to marry Rachel. He knew though, that her father, who has a reputation of a cheat, might trick him. Therefore, he gives Rachel signs that when implemented will ensure that indeed it would be Rachel he’s marrying. However, Rachel gives over the signs to her sister Leah, stating ‘I do not want my sister humiliated when Lavan’s plans foil and Yaacov discovers it’s Leah who he’s marrying and not me’.
       By Rachel giving over the signs, it fortified the marriage between Yaacov and Leah and through that union producing six out of the twelve tribes. In essence, Rachel sacrificed her having all of the twelve tribes because she did not want her sister Leah to be humiliated.
        The question Rabbi Olbaum asks, ‘I understand there’s no street lights and it’s properly pitch dark, but didn’t Yaacov realize it’s not Rachel he’s with? Even the breathing of a person is recognizable. If Yaacov was so careful with the signs, then wouldn’t he be as diligent and on the alert at this crucial juncture too? Nevertheless, the next morning he was surprised. How can that be?
       Our sages teach us that Rachel’s virtue was modesty, to such an extent that the sensitive Yaacov wasn’t able to discover and recognize her scent and voice. This characteristic of Rachel’s embracement of modesty enabled Leah to be saved. If it were any other woman, she would have been discovered. Clothing is the face of modesty; it creates a barrier from sinning. David, who is the descendant of Leah (from the tribe of Yehuda) cut the garment of Shaul (from the descendants of Rachel).
       In essence, you cut the hand that feeds you. If it weren’t for Rachel, where would Leah be? The modesty of Rachel saved Leah. David targeted one of the strengths of Shaul who also practiced, and was known for modesty, just like his ancestor. Seemingly, this lack of respect was a grave sin.
       We see modesty is one of the building blocks of Judaism and clothing is its vehicle. One of the reasons a Jew wears a Talit or Tzitzit is because it is a spiritual garment in which G-d gave us. It too is a garment that represents the foundation of Judaism to the highest degree.

Real Unity

January 20, 2014 Achdut- Unity, Jewish Values, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson No comments

 

       How many of you remember the famous Coca-Cola commercial of many years ago? “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing (in Perfect Harmony)” is a popular song which originated as the jingle “Buy the World a Coke”[1] in the groundbreaking 1971 “Hilltop” television commercial for Coca-Cola. “Buy the World a Coke” portrayed a positive message of hope, unity and love. “Buy the World a Coke” repeated “It’s the real thing” as Coca-Cola’s marketing theme at the time. The commercial touched a lot of hearts…

       It first aired in July 1971, featured a multicultural group of young people lip syncing the song on a hill outside Rome, Italy. The global unity of the singers is emphasized by showing that the bottles of Coke they are holding are labeled in a variety of languages. It became so popular that it was recorded by a number of recording artists and it  became a big hit.
The television ad “I’d Like to Buy the World a Coke” was released first in Europe, where it garnered only a tepid response. It was then released in the U.S. in July, 1971, and the response was immediate and dramatic. By November of that year, Coca-Cola and its bottlers had received more than a hundred thousand letters about the ad. At that time the demand for the song was so great that many people were calling radio stations and asking them to play the commercial. Clearly, “I’d Like to Buy the World a Coke” had struck a chord deeper than the normal response to the advertisement of a commercial product.
       “I’d Like to Buy the World a Coke” has had a lasting connection with the viewing public. Advertising surveys consistently identify it as one of the best commercials of all time, and the sheet music continues to sell more than thirty years after the song was written. It had put Coca Cola which was already a head of its class in soft drinks to a astronomical mega giant cash machine
JERUSALEM – THE UNITED CITY 
       The Coca Cola commercial expressed worldwide unity. This is an important issue in Judaism. Is the unity expressed in the commercial true unity?
       Every one of us has a connection to the land of Israel. When we do go to the holy land, it’s pretty much a given – a visit to Jerusalem is expected. One feels spiritually uplifted, especially when visiting the KOTEL.
This week, Yaakov, our forefather has the “famous dream”. He camps out in this PLACE. The famous place is where the Temple mount stands, today. Yaakov takes twelve little stones and surrounds them around himself as he’s about to go to sleep. When he gets up the next morning, the twelve stones have become one. According to the Zohar this stone became the foundation where the world stands and it runs deep inside the earth under the Temple mount.
       As we mentioned last week, the most underlying deception throughout the whole of existence is actually G-d deceiving us humans by hiding His presence from us! Therefore if one wants to acquire knowledge, Torah knowledge that is, we has to follow certain guidelines. The Torah has many secrets and we have to use certain tools to derive the vital messages that are essential for our survival.
       Our TORAH HAKEDOSHA can be understood on many levels. One level is using “the same word” method. There were evil people in the time of Avraham, who build a tower, so they can climb way up and destroy G-d. Although their intentions were bad, the fact that they were united – they were not destroyed! However, even though G-d loves unity, it was for the wrong reasons and any unity for the wrong reasons doesn’t last!
       The scripture describes the tower in Parshat Noach by stating: ” VE ROSHO BA SHAMAYIM- its head is in the sky”. In this week’s parsha when Yaakov dreams, he dreams of a ladder and its head reaches the sky – VE ROSHO (there’s that word again) MAGIYA SHAMAYMA.
       The Sages learn from it that there are two unities: one ROSHO – for evil and one ROSHO – for G-d. This spot, where the Temple mount is located and where the first and second stood, and where the future third Temple will stand. As long as the Jews are united for the right reasons, the Temple will be built. The twelve stones represent the twelve tribes of Israel united, fused together by one central being, G-d. This place -MAKOM – the temple is a representation of unity and peace. There was never any metal allowed to enter into the Temple because metal represents war. Our Shabbat table in many ways represents an altar that was an important vehicle in the temple. Many communities have the tradition to take the metal knives off the table when the grace after meal is recited. We do this to show a sign of peace, a sign of unity.
       The famous story of Iyov sheds some light on the characters of the Tower of Bavel and true unity.
       We learn that when Iyov (Job) was having all his troubles his so-called friends came to console him. However they began to converse with him. Their mouth was filled with criticism. “This happened because you probably didn’t do this or do that.
       We learn from our Sages one cannot rebuke someone when he’s in pain. For example “You see I told you so”
       Iyov retorted back, your friendships are like those of the generation of the flood. What did he mean by that?
       Apparently they didn’t care for each other . The tower people were company men; they were corporate machines. They were all for the company and they worked well together. When a brick fell by accident they  looked down in regret and said “there goes an important piece”. However when a fellow comrade fell, it meant nothing to them.  The person is not as important as the operation/ project.
       Interestingly when Yitzchak was about to get slaughtered on the altar. The Midrash says there was twelve stones surrounding him, however they didn’t merge. Yitzchak and our forefather Avraham were arguably performing the greatest act of self-sacrifice for the sake of G-d and did not merit that the rocks would merge. Only Yaacov merited such lofty hights . It was Yaacov who was fresh out from the teaching of Torah, who was known for his EMET that enabled him to carry unity.
       The united city doesn’t mean being united with other countries. It’s a place where all the Jews are supposed to be united. The ingredient for a lasting unity is realizing and learning G-ds masterpiece, The Torah. Then, when we are unified we will be allowed to build the Temple and live there in peace! May we see the rebuilding of the Third Temple in our times very soon!

Emet-The Truth

January 20, 2014 G-d and Us, Jewish Values, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson No comments
 
This article was constructed with the help of Rabbis Baruch Dopelt, Mayer Glasser, Yossi Bilus and Dr. Robert Goldman, and excerpts from the writing of Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz

One meets a variety of characters throughout one’s lifetime. In this week’s parsha, Toldot, the topic of EMET, truth, is presented. Every time we read this portion, I am reminded of one individual I knew in the jewelry business. He is an energetic fellow who knew how to make a buck, however he would always use this sacred word, EMET, very loosely. Some of the typical expressions he would say are:

” I bought the gem stones at a high price, EMET. I cannot sell you at a lower one; I will lose money!” “Those are the merchandise that my customer is looking for however the price is way too high. EMET. It’s not very competitive.” Or, with a chuckle he would sneer and say  “How can you have purchased it at that amount?  I can get it from others cheaper, EMET. Do you, seriously, want to make the sale?”

“EMET, I will pay you in 30 days ”

 

Does this guy sound familiar?
Regarding this fellow, we can apply the old expression: It is always good policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar, EMET!! 

Interestingly enough, we learn many lessons about the truth from our holy Torah. Here are some points that it would be wise to take notice of:

The Sages say, King Shlomo was the smartest man that ever lived and the most famous incident that everybody always points out is the case with the two prostitutes and the baby:

“16) Now two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him. 17)One of them said, “Pardon me, my lord. This woman and I live in the same house, and I had a baby while she was there with me. 18) The third day after my child was born, this woman also had a baby. We were alone; there was no one in the house but the two of us.
19) “During the night this woman’s son died because she lay on him. 20) So she got up in the middle of the night and took my son from my side while I your servant was asleep. She put him by her breast and put her dead son by my breast. 21) The next morning, I got up to nurse my son-and he was dead! But when I looked at him closely in the morning light, I saw that it wasn’t the son I had borne.”
22) The other woman said, “No! The living one is my son; the dead one is yours.”
But the first one insisted, “No! The dead one is yours; the living one is mine.” And so they argued before the king.
23) The king said, “This one says, ‘My son is alive and your son is dead,’ while that one says, ‘No! Your son is dead and mine is alive.'”
24) Then the king said, “Bring me a sword.” So they brought a sword for the king. 25) He then gave an order: “Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other.”
26) The woman whose son was alive was deeply moved out of love for her son and said to the king, “Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don’t kill him!”
But the other said, “Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!”
27) Then the king gave his ruling: “Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother.”

 
Perhaps a mother has more mercy for her own child, however……

Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz asks “One does not need to be a rocket scientist to figure out who the mother was in the King Shlomo/prostitute case. What was the clue’s that Shlomo saw that gave it away?”

 

Shlomo was a master in human nature. There is a concept in the Torah, AVEIRA GORERET AVEIRA, one sin leads to more sins. What typically happens, at times, for the most part, is that one follows the first sins with more severe sins.

 

This woman did not tell the truth and now she is ready to commit murder. Shlomo foresaw that. Rav Chaim rationalized that perhaps the other woman(not the mother) could have had mercy on the child as well. Or perhaps the woman was a good actress and played the sympathy part very well. The fact that the woman agreed to murder the child implicates her; it brings “not telling the truth” to the surface.

The Gemara asks a question on verse 27.  Why did Shlomo say “give the baby to the first mother” as the opening to his verdict? Why didn’t he emphatically proclaim right away that “AHH!! SHE IS HIS MOTHER!” instead?
Why didn’t he commit?
In fact the Sages say the last statement “she is the mother” was not Shlomo’s but a heavenly voice proclaiming that indeed she is the mother.
A valuable lesson is learned about the EMET, truth:
Unless you are 100% sure, one cannot state it as fact. Shlomo, with all his wisdom, was perhaps 99% sure. However, he was not there at the scene. Shlomo was very careful about EMET and all its implications because he knows EMET is a rare commodity. One cannot jump to conclusions. If someone is in a position as a judge, he should answer “I believe it’s like this”, but he cannot state it as fact. King Shlomo was careful with the truth, especially since he was a leader. It’s very different today. If you ever inject the truth into politics, you’ll have no politics.

 

 

IN THE BEGINNING…..

 

I know it’s hard remembering childhood but let’s take kids, for instance. Before they learn the art of deception from “seasoned” adults, children simply do not know how to lie. The reason is because they do not live in a contrast universe. For children, everything is perfectly consistent. What you see is what you get. However, once we accept the “fact” that people lie, we become liars ourselves, and then we never turn back.

 

 WHY DO HUMANS LIE?

 

The most underlying deception throughout the whole of existence is actually G-d deceiving us humans by hiding His presence from us! The rest, as they say, is history. Once matter is disconnected from spirit, and form from function, once we are disconnected from our inner selves, we are living a “lie.” When we do not perceive the force that gives us life, the very purpose of our being, we have the ability to lie to ourselves and to others. When we don’t feel that we are all part of one unit, we are able to hurt ourselves and others.

 

However there are those that have a natural instinct to gravitate towards truth; they do feel connected to the source; they are gifted. These individual might be spiritual but are they able to function well in society. But, how are they able to live among the deceivers?

 

IS IT WISE TO BE SO TRUTHFULL?

 

Sometimes we see so clearly that G-d has a sense of humor. It’s funny. Many of us are faced with frustrating challenges in life. If one observes in this and last week’s parshiot, one can detect that our forefather Yaakov encounters situations that are totally opposite of his character. One can see clearly that it’s not us but G-d that runs the world!

 

We learn in Tractate Makot (24:71): “The world stands on eleven important principles” and the Gemara derives this from Psalms (16). One of the principles is “he pursues truth”, referring to Yaakov. He was not accustomed to lie and we see that from the words he uttered to his mother, out of fear, “Maybe father will feel me” and realize “I’m not Eisav”. Yaakov was put in a situation that he had to lie and say “I’m Eisav”. Rivka through divine sensory knew that Yaakov was the one that should receive the blessing. His mother coached him on what to say. “Son, don’t mention G-d when you address you father. Eisav doesn’t do that and we have to be convincing”. Well, guess what? Yaakov uttered G-d’s name when he entered his father’s tent, when asked by his father “How were you able to come here from hunting so fast?” Yaakov replied: “Because G-d arranged it for me”. It seems like he couldn’t stick with the script – too honest!  We see later, Yaakov, this wet behind the ears, honest-to-goodness, Yeshiva boy becomes the son-in-law to the biggest liar, cheater and swindler that ever lived, not to mention he was constantly being lied to.

 

Rav Eliyahu Dessler has a beautiful explanation on what EMET really is. We were always led to believe that truth is describing events accurately, while SHEKER, falsehood, is exaggeration of the event. Mind you, that is just a simplistic definition. However, we know that sometimes truth is better not to be revealed. For instance, saying negative things about a friend, even though it’s true may not be the best way to go about things.  It has no constructive purpose. That’s Lashon Hara! At times it’s better to alter the truth then to tell it as it is, otherwise people will get hurt. So we see, if the truth will not help, but, on the contrary, hurt, it’s prohibited.

 

We also see if one lies to help and progress the world, this falsehood eventually turns to EMET. A good example of this is when G-d altered the words of Sarah when addressing Avraham. G-d stated her words to be that “she is too old to bear children” instead of what Sarah actually said which was “My husband is too old”. This was done in order to preserve Shalom Bayit, peace between the husband and wife. We find that altering the truth which eventually brings good is what G-d wants.

 

 

Juggling traits

 

Dr. Robert Goldman, Psycologist at Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim says it’s easier to fight a bad characteristic trait then to set limits on a good trait. Two cases in point are our forefather Avraham and King David. Both had the tremendous characteristic of mercy but, nevertheless had difficulty in sufficiently infusing strictness on some of their children. This was particularly true in regards to Avram’s oldest son Yishmael and David’s children Avshalom and Adoniyahu.

 

Yaakov had to contain his characteristic trait of pursuing truth in order to receive the bracha. This was a very difficult task. The initiation of Yaakov to the world of deception, which was against his nature, apparently helped him later on in life in dealing with his father-in-law, Lavan.

 

Our daily prayer, EMET, and its significance

 

In the morning prayers, Shacharit, we say after Shema, Emet V’Yatziv which starts with the word Emet and then 15 consecutive words beginning with the letter Vuv.  The word Emet itself is Vuv because G-d’s seal is truth and the letter He seals with is Vuv. As we learned in previous newsletters, the number 15 represents completion. The Pesach Seder has 15 steps and King David’s Psalms has 15 shir hashirim. By having EMET, truth, enwrapped with the 15 words which correspond to completion. One is therefore shalem, complete, once all 15 have been stated. Evidence of this concept of completion can also be found in the word EMET, which has 3 letter;  ALEF-the first letter of the alef bet, a TAF-the last letter of the alef bet, and a MEM, in the middle, which is the middle letter of the alef bet. All the letters are symbolic to the whole world which the three letters of EMET come to indicate.

 

A sinner who was also a robber asked a wise man for advice on how to repent. He felt he could not take on all of the commandments, so he asked the wise man for an easier way. The wise man suggested that he take on one commandment but do it properly. The robber agreed. The wise man said to take upon himself to always tell the truth. After a time, the robber’s resolve weakened, and he set off to rob someone. On the way he met an acquaintance who asked where he was going. Remembering that he took on to always tell the truth, he told him. Then, the same thing happened again. Right away he thought, those two will be witnesses and get me killed! Because of this, he restrained himself and never stole again. (Sanhedrin 92 and the Maharsha)

 

Truth is complex. We were brought up with a very simplified expression: To tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. However, one has to know when to say it and when to be deceitful for the sake of the truth. When Yaakov met his future wife Rachel, she was puzzled when he drew up a plan to counter attack Lavan, his future father-in-law. He said “when dealing with an untruthful person, one has to be equally deceitful. EMET dictates when to use it.

 

From the day we lose our innocence, we are desperate to rediscover it. Innocence, childhood, truth, spontaneity, enchantment, seamlessness – these are attributes we adults seek out all our lives. We should continue to seek them, especially truth and innocence, reach for them and work to perfect them so we can complete the EMET of our lives and the world around us.

The Art of Adapting to New Times

October 27, 2013 MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson No comments
Taken from the discourse of Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz, also contributing Rabbi Yossi Bilus
There are many lessons one can learn from the famous story of Choni Ha’magal however there is one very important teaching in particular which stands out in connection to this week’s parsha, Chayeh Sarah.
Firstly, what’s the story of Choni?
          We all heard of “Rip Van Winkle”. It’s a fictional tale by the American author Washington Irving published in 1819. I guess one can consider the short story as part of classic American literature. As a matter of fact, there have been many similar stories in history from other countries and cultures. I guess there is something irresistible about taking long naps for an extended period that has the reader curious. However they’re all revised copies of the ancient Jewish story about Choni Ha’magal found in the Talmud (Ta’anit 23A).
          Even popular kids cartoon characters like Fred Flintstone, Mr. Magoo, Bugs Bunny and many others all had their episodes of falling into a lengthy sleep, based on the story of Rip Van Winkle, or more accurately, Choni Ha’magal. That’s how popular the story is. Reading the passage in the Gemara for the first time one can not help but to think of times of youth and having seen a similar script by Hanna Barbara Productions or throughout Loony tunes.

A Little Background
Choni Ha’magal (the circle-maker) was given this nickname due to another incident in his life, in which he pleaded with God to bring rain. He drew a circle around his feet and exclaimed that he was not going to leave the circle until G-d brought rain. It rained! Clearly, Choni was a great scholar.
          The prophet Jeremiah (Jeremiah 29:10) promised, “The Lord says, ‘After seventy years for Babylon have been completed, I will remember you, and I will fulfill for you, My favorite, a promise to return you to this place.’ ” The Babylonian exile lasted for seventy years, during which time the Jewish people were living in a foreign land and were subservient to their hosts.
Text 1 – Babylonian Talmud Ta’anit 23b

His whole life he pondered the verse, (Psalms 126:1)
 “A song of ascent, when God returns us to Zion, we were like dreamers.”
          Can someone sleep for seventy years?
          One day he (Choni) was walking along the road when he came across a man who was planting a carob tree. He asked him, “These Carob trees, how long does it take them to producefruit?””Seventy years,” replied the man.
          “Are you so certain that you are going to live for another seventy years?”
          “I found this world with carob trees growing in it; in the same way that my
ancestors planted for me, so will I plant for my children.”
          Choni fell asleep, and slept for seventy years. When he woke up he saw a man gathering carobs from the tree. “Are you the man who planted this tree? he (Choni) asked.
“I am his grandson.” “I must have slept for seventy years,” said Choni to himself. He saw that his donkey had given birth to a whole herd of donkeys. Choni went to his house. “Is Choni’s son here?” he asked. “His son is no longer alive, but his grandson is here,” they replied to him. “I am Choni Ha’magal” he told them. They did not believe him.
          He went to the Beit Midrash (study hall) and he heard the Rabbis say, “Things are so clear today, like in the days of Choni Ha’magal, that every question that the Rabbis had, he knew the answer to it.”
           “I am he,” said Choni. The Rabbis did not believe him and they did not respect him even though his knowledge of Torah was great. He said if I don’t have a companion in expressing myself, it’s not worth to live.
          He was weakened and he asked God to have mercy on him, and he died.
There are many questions on this Gemara however let’s focus on Choni’s mental well being throughout the whole episode.
          Choni was transported to the future. He was not recognized but he was remembered, fondly, as a historical figure. Everybody immediately recognized the name Choni and revered it. However, they did not connect nor believe that the man in front of them was in fact Choni. This happened both in his home and in the study hall.
          We see from here that Choni had a past (people knew his name) and he had a future (he had grandchildren and his name lived on in his scholarly teachings), however – he had no present! He could not connect; he could not adapt to the present in which he was placed.
          The adapting mechanism in him did not work and it led to his demise.

          Why didn’t it work?
Many of these aspects are comparisons about life. Perhaps one should put this also on the list:
One can compare life to sitting in a moving vehicle as he sees the places, neighborhoods and people pass him by. He remembers where he began and he knows his destination. The mind registers and adapts to the journey as he gets closer and closer to the end.

          In life, one must learn to adapt to a situation, whether it be work, school, marriage, birth, death, diet, or any relationships with others or one’s self. No matter how harsh living conditions may be, no matter how difficult the environment, no matter how irritating or obnoxious the person, a human being is able to adapt and survive. But, we shall shortly learn from the teaching of Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz, that there is an important ingredient, which should be infused in the process of adapting, in order for it to be successful.

          I t is this message, which will clarify for us the difference between Abraham’s reaction to G-d’s command to bring his son Yitzchak as a sacrifice, as opposed to that of his wife Sarah. Abraham was eager to fulfill G-d’s command. Sarah, on the other hand, when she heard what had transpired, could not bear the news, and died instantly. How can two great people have reacted so differently to the same event? What makes this question even more puzzling, was that Sarah was on a higher level then her husband in prophecy.

          The answer is that Abraham was made aware in a gradual manner that Yitzchak was to be brought as a sacrifice, thus allowing his feelings and emotions to adapt to the challenge awaiting him. G-d told him ‘Take your son’ then ‘your only son whom you love’. Only then did he inform him that Yitzchak was to be sacrificed. So maybe, if Abraham had been confronted suddenly that it was Yitzchak who was to be sacrificed, he would not have survived. It was the gradual realization of this fact that made it easier for him to digest this. He was therefore able to perform G-d’s command. Such was not the case with Sarah who was suddenly overwhelmed by the realization of what had happened and died from the shock.

          Another example of how delicate and gradual one must be, is G-d’s reaction after Adam sinned by eating from the tree of knowledge. G-d appeared close to Adam and asked ‘Where are you?’ G-d knew where Adam was, but He wanted to confront him in a manner that he would not be startled. The guilt of his sin was overwhelming; any sudden confrontation would have emotionally destroyed Adam.
          Let’s not forget Serach bat Asher, the granddaughter of our father Yaacov, who played the harp singing ‘Yosef (his favorite son who was presumed dead for 22 years) is still alive and living in Egypt’. The overwhelming sudden joy would have been proven too much and might have killed him. Serach presented it in a delicate, clever, gradual way in which Yaacov was able to comprehend without the shocking affect.
          The Gemarah (Sotah13a) states that soon after Yaacov’s death, seventeen years later, when Yaacov’s sons were taking his body to the Cave of Machpela for burial, a confrontation took place between his sons and his evil brother Eisav. Eisav came and protested that the plot of land (Cave of Machpela) belonged to him. A debate ensued and it was decided that one of the brothers would return to Egypt and retrieve the deed to show that Yaacov indeed owned the property.

          A deaf grandson Chushim (son of Naftali) wondered, why the cause of the delay? When they communicated with him, he exclaimed ‘What? Our grandfather will lie in degradation until the deed is brought?’ whereupon he immediately killed Eisav.

          Why was Chushim, a grandson, more concerned about Yaacov’s honor than Yaacov’s own sons? Rav Chaim answers, all the brothers had been slowly drawn into the argument with Eisav, gradually dulling their sensitivity to their father’s shame. Chushim, being deaf, was completely unaware of the situation. When he realized the reason for the delay, he could not contain his anger and killed Eisav.
          At times, yours truly likes to compare the different periods of my life. I was in the front porch of my house, one Sunday afternoon and saw my neighbors and their kids playing with mine. I couldn’t help but to compare the cast of characters in my life now and when I was a child or as a teenager. For the most part, with a few exceptions I’m surrounded with new people. Some are not with us anymore and others are scattered all over the world. If I didn’t have the transitional memories in between the two times of my life, I would feel as if those periods in my life never occurred.
            I once spoke to my cousin in Israel on the phone as I was walking in my current neighborhood in Queens. I had very little contact with this cousin since childhood but for a brief couple of seconds, listening to his voice, I thought I was back in Israel on my summer vacations as a child. The transformation was exhilarating!!

One has to be aware of the delicate nature of man. He has to approach situations gradually. Furthermore, man must be aware and use his most powerful tool, that of speech, properly by delivering news, whether good or bad, gradually. This will allow those listening to be able to hear and giving them a chance to adapt and tolerate what they are being told..

          Even when one gets up in the morning, one needs time before getting out of bed. Even the Sages agree. There was a study taken where the body and mind need about 12 seconds to adapt. It’s funny that the prayer that is said in the morning, MODEH ANI, has 12 words. One second for each word, using the proper concentration, gives the mind and body time to adapt from a state of sleeping and lying down to one of being awake and standing/moving.

          Choni was placed in a situation where he could not adapt. He could not relate to his new surroundings. Perhaps the seventy years lapse was too taxing on his mental state.

          It’s inevitable that we will go through changes in life. People will come in to our lives and others will depart. Change has to be done gradually.
          When King Shaul was informed by the Prophet Shmuel that G-d is removing him from being king, his response to Shmuel was a bit peculiar. He said “Let me address the people one more time as king”. He wanted to digest the verdict of G-d gradually and descend from the position.
          We must deal with change in a delicate way. Granted, adapting is part of life. If we are aware of its pitfalls, allowing ourselves the time and effort to adapt, we will be at a tremendous advantage.
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