Tag Archive for Yehuda

Jewish monarchy

February 11, 2016 Uncategorized No comments

 

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s  Baruch Dopelt, Yossi Bilius, Pinchas Winston, Asher Hurzberg and Dr. Abba Goldman

In our illustrious glorious past we’ve often yearned for the mashiach.  When we were in grade school we had to recite that “we believe whole heartedly that Mashiach is coming”. Mashiach this and Mashiach that. There have been many songs sung, manypsalms read, There even was a period where many of our people were killed for they thought that time had come and were careless, where they’re usually very careful,  in dealing with  gentiles arousing their  hostility and Anti-Semitism only to be disappointed with a false prophet.
 How ironic it is then, the proud Jews that we are, with our glorious past, the beautiful temple both past and future, that the Mashiach signs in through an undignified manor. We would never write a Hollywood script like this. Here, there is no poor or rich young couple who loves each other, have a baby (Mashiach), is allergic to kryptonite, and can’t keep him etc. It’s quite different script. One cannot complain “this movie is predictable -same formula”.
 Let us take a look at the relevant places in the Torah and perhaps, dig deep, learn some insights into the mashiach
This is where the Jewish monarch and the  Mashiach comes from……..
         Uncharacistaly, Yehuda, leader of the tribes visits  a prostitute, who is his daughter-in law in disguise. The Sages, say that the cohabitation of Yehuda, Tamar, his daughter in law, resulted in the inception of the Mashiach……Go Figure!! (Please see highlight section for full synopsis)
  One may ask, how can the Mashiach come in such a degrading way?
Wait there is more!
        *The seed of the Mashiach was also implanted in a bazar way by Lott,  Avrahams nephew, After the destruction of Sedom, Lott’s two surviving daughters believed that the world was destroyed. They devised a plan to seduce their father on back to back consecutive nights after getting him drunk where they will procreate and populate the world once again. Ruth, is a descendant of this union The oldest son/grandchild Moav is where Ruth, the grandmother of king David, comes from.
        * Boaz, a widower,  a leader and descendant  of the tribe of Yehudah marries Ruth, the convert, a widow herself to the childless son of Elimelech, a descendant of Yehuda as well.  The courtship was strange, Ruth appear that night on the threshing floor  to be as close as possible to the fields at a critical time in the harvest. Niomi, her mother in law, instructs Ruth to uncover Boaz’s feet so as to wake him and set the process of “yibum” in motion. Pretty odd isn’t it. The union between Boaz and Ruth was in question for A Israelite is forbidden to marry from Moav. Boaz died the next morning after their wedding night and Ruth gave up her child to Niomi to raise.
         *King David marries Bat-Sheva in one of the most controversial union in our history. Did he usher Bat Sheva’s husband to the battlefield in what was presumably a death wish? The marriage between David and Bat-Sheva produced King Shlomo
This is our royal past?
 In our current mindset or Western mentality we, perhaps, will entertain the thought of the Mashiach having that kind of introduction for  we have grown accustom to a very promiscuous nature. The media has etched in our minds the kind of sexual provocation daily. Car commercials, game shows and even real estate ads come with a door prize and a smiley attractive female or male model. Television, no matter how PG it is full of sexual innuendos. Let’s not forget the advancement of the internet….GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!
 Furthermore, as we Jews moved around the world we are constantly reminded through our neighbors about their immodest appetite way of life. We were the only Jews living on the block, in my childhood home in Rego Park. It was a predominantly Irish neighborhood and it was difficult to stay focused even as a very young Yeshiva grade school student with the immodest dress of my non-Jewish neighbors. What’s an orthodox boy doing living in this part of the world?
Interestingly, if one notices our biggest test growing up before entering our young adult, where then we are introduced to inflated egos, pursuit of money, keeping religion, is to watch our brit. There is a tremendous insurgence or wave of desire where hormones are flying uncontrollably when entering the teenage years.
This is our mundane life of today where the western culture has a tremendous influence. However, why has the Torah have to introduce the Jewish monarch and future Mashiash in a degrading way. Golden Yerushalayim and its purity should be left alone. Why drag it to such shmutz?
Furthermore, why is the topic of Erva-  promiscuity associated with the kingdom. Why not murder? Jealousy?
Lets examine an aspect of brit milah where then perhaps we might understand the topic of mashiach a little more clearer.
  Adam HaRishon was created circumcised, as it says, “God created man in His image …” (Bereishis 2:5). Avot d’Rav Nossan 2:5
Rav Yitzchak said, [Adam] caused his foreskin to be extended [and cover his circumcision]. Sanhedrin 38b
Interestingly, this is what the Greek Jews were a custom to do in the time of Chanukah. They were ashamed that they were different then the Goyim. The sexual revolution was influencing the world….sounds familiar. It was custom to remove your cloths entirely in many social functions. The Greeks believed in exposing the beautiful body. However the Jews, because of their brit had a different look, were ashamed.
The Greeks put a spiritual barrier between the Jews and their G-d. In Hebrew the growth of foreskin is called  Orlah. This was the  mistake of Adam. For, whether we are talking about “Orlat HaLeiv” (uncircumcised heart), “Orel S’fataim “(uncircumcised lips), or “Orlah” from a tree (fruits of the third year), the word Orlah always implies a spiritual “barrier” between man and God which has to be removed.
There are two aspects of the mitzvah referred to in the verse. Firstly, Milah is a sign of the covenant between Avraham and God; secondly, Milah is to take place on the eighth day from birth. We should take note of the point in the Parsha at which the Mitzvah is commanded after Avraham’s successful routing of the Canaanite kings. It’s no coincident that saving Lott, his nephew, who holds the seed for part of the Mashiach, is a precursor for brit milah.
 When Avraham  placed his faith in G-d for his physical sustenance, he demonstrated his unwavering commitment to live above nature. As a result, he was provided with the means to remove all the Orlos Adam’s mistake had brought to mankind. This is the Bris Milah which is performed on the eighth day (eight always symbolizes the spiritual, supernatural realm, as we see through Chanukah as well).
Why was Bris Milah so important to history? As the following reveals, it is the source of Malchut (of kingship), and therefore, the Final Redemption.
And Yosef said to his brothers, ” ‘Please come near to me,’ and they came near to him and he said . . .” (Bereishis 45:4). Why did he call them if they were already next to him? Because when he told them, “I am Yosef your brother” (Ibid.), they were in shock to see his royal position. He told them that his royalty was a direct result of this. (Zohar 1:93b)
What was Yosef referring to? The Zohar explains:
” ‘Please come near to me,’ and they came near to him”: He showed them that he upheld Bris Milah, saying, “By keeping this intact, I was able to attain royal status.” From here we learn that whomever keeps this sign intact will merit royalty. (Ibid.)
In other words, Yosef was saying that his royal status had been conferred upon him by Heaven for having resisted the advances of his master’s wife, Aishet Potiphar. Such intimacy would have been forbidden to him, and though he had been tempted at the time, in the end he had overcome his yetzer hara and had run out of the house, risking her vicious retribution that followed.
However, the Zohar is not finished yet, and backs up its statement with the following:
From where else do we know this? From Boaz, as it says, “As Hashem lives, lie down until the morning” (Rus3:13). His evil inclination was enticing him, so he made this oath to keep his bris intact. (Ibid.)
In other words, while he was secluded with Ruth, he desired her then. However, intimacy with her then was improper, and therefore he made the oath to safeguard himself against a sinful relationship. If she was to be his wife, Boaz reasoned with himself, it had to be after all the halachic conditions had been satisfied. Thus the Zohar concludes:
The world is called an OLAM. Interestingly OLAM means hidden. What is hidden? G-d is hidden and he is hidden throughout the world. Interestingly the more we do G-d’s commandments the more vision and clear the world looks.
This OLAM is like a game. A game similar to “Wheel of Fortune”, where one has to turn over the puzzle board and therefore making the entire board clearer. The board is pretty large it encompasses the entire world.   The mission of the Jewish people over the last 3,300 years, the Jewish role in history and the essence of the concept of the Chosen People – a people chosen for the responsibility of teaching the world about one God and absolute morality. But there is much left to do before the vision the Jewish people saw at Mount Sinai becomes a world reality. The Jews have always believed that they have a key role to play in bringing this vision to fruition. We are to create a society based on a God-given standard of morality that will serve as the model for the rest of humanity to emulate – to be “a light unto the nations.”
When we look back on the vast sweep of the last four thousand years we see how significantly the Jewish people have directly and indirectly affected humanity.
The Jewish monarch represents the Jewish people. He rules with justice and mercy. It’s his mission to guide and to turn over the most impure  part of life and manifest it to a source of kedusha. G-d chose the very organ that is the source of life, which can also be chosen to use for the basest acts, as the site to be sanctified with circumcision. This gives us the profound message that we can use every physical drive for holy purposes.
 Chanukah always falls out during this time of the year where days are short and nights are at its longest. It is our mission to light the candles, to bring light in to the darkness, to see things more clear, to flip the puzzle board, to transform an illicit moment to the spiritual.
Interestingly the menorah is lit by Jews in public showcase all over the world….may we, the chosen people continue to make this world more clear.

Clarity: Pro’s and Con’s in the Jewish family

March 19, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of  Rabbi’s, Berel Wein, Yossi bilus, Ozer Alport also contributing Dr. Mirriam Adahan  a psychologist, therapist, author and founder of EMETT (“Emotional Maturity Established Through Torah”)-a network of self-help groups
This week’s parsha marks another new beginning in our public reading and personal understanding of the Torah. Whereas the first two books of the Torah are mainly narrative in nature and content, with personal stories of our forefathers, the book of Vayikra is mainly a book of laws and commandments and of the nature of purity and impurity, sacrificial offerings and priestly obligations.
   An interesting question arises as to why the book is called “Vayikra”= “And He called” (And G-d called Moshe). Perhaps, it would be best to call it “Sacrifices” or “Atonement”. It doesn’t make sense that the book is named “And He called”.
For the almost 40 years in the desert G- d had spoken only to Moshe. Moshe would then deliver G-d’s words to the people accurately without additions or deletions. Following the delivery of the exact words G-d had spoken, Moshe would then elaborate and explain the meaning and application of G-d’s words. Matan Torah (Revelation-when we received the Torah) was the single exception. Matan Torah was the only time the nation heard G-d speak without the human buffer of Moshe’s ministry. This meant that for the better part of 40 years the Jews had to extend to Moshe absolute trust. They had to trust that the words he delivered to them were absolutely the same as the ones G-d had spoken to him.
It seems like there is a strong reliance of important information that had to be presented to the children of Israel. Therefore, it might be a splendid idea to explore the importance of the power of communication.
When one voices his opinion, is he understood?  It’s frustrating at times, when one expresses himself and he’s not being conveyed correctly. I believe, many of us have gone through that experience at one point or another. Perhaps, not being understood with mundane matters is simply, just an annoyance; however one can only hope, that the more important feelings are expressed fully to the highest degree. This is a frequent problem when there is a culture gap between parents and children or teachers and students.  However, even with one’s “own kind”, misunderstanding can be a dilemma.
 
Interestingly, one of the most famous routines, in American culture, by the 1940’s-50’s comedy team of Abbot and Costello, called “who’s on first”, involves misunderstanding. It was so popular; the routine was performed in front of the president of the United States, at the time. In the routine Abbot gives instruction how to play the game of baseball, by describing the position players.  He starts off by saying “who is on first, what’s on second and I don’t know is on third”. It seems like he’s not familiar with the players’ names however, Abbot is, in actuality really mentioning the names of the players. The name of the first basemen is indeed “Who”; the name of the second basemen is indeed “Whats”; the third basemen name is “Idontno”. It frustrates Costello to no end.
 It’s one of the most brilliant comedy routines ever made but, in reality, it is not a laughing matter. In essence we are laughing at ourselves. Perhaps, that is the reason for its popularity; it’s too close to home. We spend pain staking time and money, by taking courses, to make ourselves clear so we should not be misunderstood. It is said: “whoever has clarity, he possesses a gift!”
 We see from the Torah how a misunderstanding can be detrimental to our existence.
This communication gap is demonstrated very sharply when Rachel, Yaakov’s beloved wife, sees that her sister Leah keeps delivering one child after another, she turns to him with an impossible request:
“Grant me children or I will die.”
The enraged and perplexed Yaakov answers:
“Can I assume G-d’s role? He is the one who prevented you from having children.”
Rachel then goes on to offer him her maidservant as a surrogate mother and the issue seems to have been settled, but the Midrash (scriptures from our Sages) does not let Yaakov off the hook that easily:
G-d told Yaakov: “Is this a way to answer a woman in distress? I swear that one day your sons are going to plead for their lives from her son!”
The Midrash is based on the reappearance in Bereshit(50:19) of Yaakov’s three first words, this time said by Yosef, his son from Rachel, to his sons from his other wives:
This conversation took place after Yaakov’s burial. The brothers feared that now that Yaakov is gone, Yosef is going to take revenge for the suffering they inflicted on him, to which he answered: “Fear not! Can I assume G-d’s role?”

The Midrash claims that Yaakov’s punishment for the inappropriate way of speaking with Rachel was the sibling rivalry that tore his family apart and eventually humbled his children from Leah, Bilha, and Zilpa, as they had to bow down to Rachel’s own son, Yosef.

Before Rachel comes to speak to her husband, she is engulfed in feelings of sadness and frustration seeing that she has no children, whereas Leah, the once rejected wife, now has a seat of honor as the mother of Yaakov’s growing family. She feels estranged and alienated and she doesn’t see in her husband’s eyes the same sparkle that was there before.

She decides to let her husband to father a child through her maid, a common practice in the Ancient Near East, already tried by Sarah and Avraham, but first she wants to know that he understands her, that he has compassion for her.
She wants to convey her emotional turmoil to him and does it with full force:
“Grant me children, or else I’ll die!”
Perhaps, she was simply saying that without her husband’s love, and being outdone by Leah, she is as good as dead.

What Yaakov heard, however, was: “You are responsible for my sterility! Solve my problem!”
He cannot solve it, and he says it: “Can I assume G-d’s role? He is the One who prevented you from having children.”
These words hit her like a sack of bricks. Even though he meant that it is G-d, and not him, who is responsible for her situation and there is nothing he can do, no solution he can offer, she heard the emphasis on the word – you. “YOU are the one who has no children” the words explode in her ears “I already have children”. As Rashi puts it:
“I have children, G-d has made YOU, and not me, sterile”.

Yaakov should have said: “I know how you feel.” She would have retaliated with: “No, you don’t. You have your children, and as a man you will never know what it means to be barren.” He would have answered: “You are right, but I remember how my mother’s eyes would fill with tears when she spoke about the twenty first years of her marriage, years of solitude, longing and despair.”
Only after commiserating with a woman, is the man allowed exploring possible solutions. Yaakov might have directed the conversation towards her thoughts on what should be done, and she would probably say that he should pray for her, spend more time with her.

It was a terrible misunderstanding and miscommunication which led to much strife in the family, and possibly even to the exile in Egypt. It is also an important lesson to all of us, to be better listeners and to try first to understand our conversational partner and only then offer, if applicable and necessary, a solution.

DIRECT COMMUNICATION

We learn much from Yehuda’s ability to be a leader. Immediately before Yosef’s dramatic confession that he is his brother, Yehuda steps up to the plate to confront Yosef.  
In Yehuda’s entire passionate address to Yosef (Gen. 44:18-34), he added no information or arguments which weren’t already known to Yosef. What was his intention in reiterating the information to Yosef, and what did he hope to accomplish by doing so?
The Bet HaLevi explains that Yehuda realized that the brothers’ original interactions with Yosef seemed bizarre and mystifying. They told him that they came to buy grain, and he responded that they were spies. They answered that they were honest, and he told them that now they had proven his claim that they were spies. Since Yosef’s responses didn’t seem to correspond to the brothers’ statements, it occurred to Yehuda that perhaps the miscommunication was due to the translator, who wasn’t accurately relaying to Yosef the content of what the brothers had said, but was instead fabricating statements which they had never made.
In order to clarify whether this was the case, Yehuda asked for permission to review the entire dialogue directly in the ears of Yosef, without the involvement of the translator. In order to preempt Yosef from responding that he didn’t understand the Hebrew language that they spoke, Yehuda stated that Yosef was like Pharaoh. If Yosef would now claim to be unfamiliar with their language, this would imply that Pharaoh didn’t know it as well, an inference which would be disrespectful to Pharaoh and therefore forbidden to make.
 We see the importance, on Yehuda’s part to clarify. One has to take lesson and not let the moment depart without clarity. Here, Yehuda put his foot down and made waves in order to do so. Although, there were different circumstances for Yehuda to do so then it was at a time for Rachel. The common denominator is that they both were under tremendous pressure. Yehuda’s Olam Haba-entrance in the next world was at stake because Benyamin’s, whom he swore to return unscathed, life, was as good as dead if he remained a prisoner in Egypt. Rachel’s pain and anguish, though, of not having children was enormous!!!
So we see the importance to go against the grain of life and to be supersensitive to make sure situations are not clouded.
 In our efforts, though, to clarify and not be misunderstood we can come across some difficulties. Many Psychologists urge people to, “Share your feelings,” and “Talk it out until the problem is resolved.” However, this advice can be disastrous! Not everyone values emotional honesty. Not everyone has time to listen. And a lot of people will use your personal information against you!
The reality is that not everyone is capable of “hearing” and empathizing. In fact, empathy is a rare quality, which depends on one’s personality type.
According to the Myers-Briggs personality system – people are either dominant Thinkers or dominant Feelers. Thinking types (60% of men and of 40% women) have little interest in the world of feelings. They feel no urge to share personal feelings and are irritated and bored by those who do. They often do not even know what they feel and may not care. They are focused on functioning, not feeling. In fact, they feel more powerful and in control when they do not expose their feelings. In contrast, Feeling types (60% women, 40% men) are concerned with their feelings and distressed if they cannot share them. When these two types get together, there is likely to be a lot of mutual frustration, because each has demands which the other cannot meet.
One also has to be aware, when sharing will overwhelm others. It is “immodest” to share strong feelings of grief, fear or rage, especially around children, who need to see adults as a source of security and strength. To expose these feelings is just as immodest as exposing parts of the body which should be kept covered if the other person is incapable of receiving your pain with empathy and compassion.
Therefore we have to balance the ability to clarify without imposing on others, and divulging, information that can hurt us and our loved ones!!
 The Book of Vayikra is called its name because its intrinsic complex laws need one to deliver the proper accurate detail. One person that’s trustworthy, that did not misunderstand G-d’s message and will not be misunderstood is Moshe.
Moreover, was the nation’s response at the time of Matan Torah. “…You (Moshe) speak to us and we will listen and do not let G-d speak, we are afraid that we will die.” In essence, at Matan Torah, the nation willingly relinquished a degree of control they otherwise would have had over the validation of G- d’s word. By asking that Moshe act as the intermediary between themselves and G-d they proclaimed their willingness to trust Moshe to faithfully deliver the word of G-d. Moreover than that was the implicit trust that they would listen to Moshe even if he had chosen to alter the word of G-d.
From that moment and on, because of their choice and because of their eventual sin, the nation did not hear G-d speak again. In its place they were given the prophecy of Moshe and the ongoing manifestation of G-d’s will in the universe through natural law and miracles. In its stead, G-d gave them exactly what they had requested. Moshe would speak and they would hear the word of G-d through him

Should I take on more responsibility?

January 29, 2015 Uncategorized No comments

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s      Akiva Grunblatt, Baruch Dopelt, Yossi Bilus, Yitzchak Aminov, Dr. Abba Goldman

Regret was eating him up as his critics approached Pharaoh with disapproval, snickering gestures and complained “How can you let the Jews go?” Human nature is such that that it allows peer pressure to seep through the armor of logic. Although, it was just yesterday that the Egyptians were removing frogs out of their soup. It seems like one tends to forget these minor annoyances. When it was known, a little while later, that the Israelites are heading toward the sea and appear lost, all eyes turned to Pharaoh. “Nu? What’s now?” as the generals relishing an opportunity.

 Pharaoh, forgetting all the signs that G-d has shown, turned with new charged vigor, and roared:  “Gather your horses and your armor, we got them!!”
 The Israelites, under the leadership of Moshe, approached the sea. “Now what” some of the critics bellowed. It seems – everybody has critics. Perhaps, at times, that’s necessary; it keeps you on your toes. It’s also important, for it gives one a perspective one may have overlooked.   Although, at times, if one gives in to the pressure and goes against his original decision, it might not work out quite well.
 The “now what” became amplified with a very worried concern attached to it as the Israelites heard rumbling sounds behind them. The Egyptian army was approaching full force toward them. It seems like the Jews were trapped. There was no place to go but the sea. Moshe’s response to the Jewish people was that “G-d wants us to go through the sea”. However, no one dared to take such an illogical step.
 Well, what is logic? Is our religion – logical or perhaps not? Perhaps, religion is a belief which defies logic. Perhaps, belief becomes the logic?
If one believes in something and knows that it’s 100% full-proofs right and doesn’t act on it because of what others might think… is he insulting himself? He might have regret and say: “I am missing out on what I truly believe in, and I know it’s right!”
 There was one person who understood that belief in G-d overrides nature. Many, who were present there – believed in G-d and that He runs the world, but were hesitant to take that plunge into the sea. They, perhaps, knew that jumping in the water was the right path to take but… were afraid. However, one individual had the courage to act on his belief. One person was the first to take the risk. One person was willing to boldly go and lead the Jews into uncharted territory. That individual was Nachshon ben Aminadav.
 The waters reached his mouth as he plunged into the sea when it suddenly split. One of the greatest on sights, open miracles in the history of mankind occurred… propelled by Nachshon ben Aminadav.
 By examining this courageous act of Nachshon we can learn something tremendous that can improve our lives and strengthen our character. Rabbi Akiva Grunbatt brings up the following question and answer where then we can fully understand Nachshon’s actions.
 There are four individuals who died because of the sin of the snake and nothing else. They never sinned. Can one imagine that an individual can live an entire lifetime and be sin-free?! Benyamin, the first, Yaacov’s twelfth son; Yishay, he was the father of King David: Kalev, he was one of the Jewish spies that entered Israel while the Israelites were in the dessert. Amram rounds out the quartet; he was Moshe – our greatest leader’s father.
 However, a strong question is asked, when one makes a MESHEH BERACH AVOTAINU-a special prayer invoking G-d’s mercy, it does not include any of the righteous people that never sinned!!
 We say MISHEH BERACH AVOTAINU: AVRAHAM, YITZCHAK, YAACOV etc. Why don’t we say instead BENYAMIN, YISHAI, KALEV and AMRAM? After all, these tzadikim were great; they never sinned.
We learn an important fundamental lesson, greatness cannot be measured by lack of sin; we look at the accomplishments. To do what you’re supposed to do is beautiful, however, to take the extra step, to go the extra mile; to take upon more responsibility is the road to greatness!!
 As a matter of fact, once one takes upon oneself the extra responsibility, he discovers hidden KOCHOT-strengths. If one looks at some of our great leaders’ lifestyle, one wonders – how do they find time? How are they able to cope? They are not the type to say “hey, that’s not my job….I’m not responsible”. Even if one fails in his job after taking the tremendous responsibility, he becomes a greater person, through the experience of his effort.
 There is an interesting story about the Netziv – Rabbi Naftali Zvi Yehuda Berlin, (b. Mir, Russia, 1816 – d. Warsaw, Poland, August 10, 1893) that relates to responsibility. It is written about the Netziv, there are no fantastic accounts concerning the boy who was to become the Rav of Israel. It may be that he was not a “child prodigy” that amazed everyone by his natural talents, or it may also be that he was modest from a very young age. However, one thing is clear: he had at least one great talent – his diligence!! He studied Torah with great fervor, and it was this trait that enabled him to acquire universal renown.
 Only the brightest students and it was a minimal amount, were given the opportunity to learn in Yeshiva. Most boys were sent to learn a trait and start work immediately.
One day he overhears his father tell his mother “he’s just not talented to stay in Yeshiva. The father called his son and said he wanted to introduce him to a friend who is a shoemaker. The Netziv understood immediately what his father’s intentions. The child begged and cried that they should give him one more chance promising he will not disappoint them. The boy lived up to his promise. He later said: “if I would have given up and became a shoemaker, after 120 years when I go to the heavens, although I would have been a honest shoemaker, pray three times a day, raise a family with strong Torah values, and I would set time to learn every night after work, however, they will show me a copy of my book the Ha’amek Davar and say to me “this is the masterpiece you would have written if you would have excelled in your life”.  I, then, would have been ashamed.”
When our forefather, Yaacov, was on his deathbed he gave the bracha, he basically anointed the position of leadership to Yehuda, who has shown on many occasions the “responsibility to accomplish”. Such honor has been given to one who takes upon himself more responsibility.
 When Yaacov did not want to send Benyamin, his youngest son and presumably the only remaining one from his favorite wife, Rachel, on account that some bad omen might happen to him similar to what had happened to his older brother  Yossef, Yehuda took responsibility in assuring his safe return. “I will personally guarantee him” (Bereshit 43:9) Yaacov accepted Yehuda’s proposition. However, Rabbi Dopelt asks: “what is the difference between Yehuda’s assurance (I will lose my portion in this world and in the next world) and Ruben’s, his older brother’s, assurance (kill my 2 sons if I do not return him safely)? Both have a very negative outcome; no father wants to see anything bad happen to his children whether it is in this world or the next.
 Yehuda used the magic word “guarantee”; a guarantor is responsible even when it’s an OHNESS- an unavoidable mishap.  Therefore, he will step up a notch; raise the volume on protecting what he guaranteed. The responsibility is much greater! The virtue of Yehuda was the ability to go beyond what is on the radar of others. For, in order to succeed in the optimal level, one has to go beyond the face value of his ability.
We see throughout our holy scriptures how our ancestors took great responsibilities in bettering their lot and assuring the world to be a better place. King David, who is Yehuda’s descendant, volunteered to duel the giant Goliath; Avraham’s commitment to open his doors to passerby’s…..we can go on and on and on… It seems like the ones who get the recognition are the ones that take that initiative.
 However, one has to be aware of the danger in taking, at times, too much responsibility. We recite in the evening prayers before the AMIDA, “VEHASER SATAN MILFANANU VEHACHARONANU”-remove the evil angel from in front of us and from behind us.
It’s understandable, the first part of the phrase: the angel puts a juicy non- kosher steak “in front” of you. However, how do we learn the second phrase? It refers to what could go wrong with too much responsibility. The bad advice: angel pushes you from behind and tells you “hey, you can do it!!” But in reality, by accepting the task, one is welcoming disaster.
 Therefore one has to think it over and ask advice in order to make a calculating and hopefully productive choice.
 Nachshon ben Aminadav, who happens to be from the descendant of Yehuda and the ancestor of King David, took the initiative. The splitting of the sea was jump started and initiated by Nachshon. Every morning when  we read AZ YASHIR Nachshon is in the forefront of not only getting credit for having true belief in G-d but also a trait that we should all possess, the trait of taking responsibility and making this world a better place

Relationship between parents and children

December 29, 2014 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s  Yissachar Frand , Yossi Bilus,  Yitzchak Aminov and Dr. Abba Goldman

 

 

There are two powerful questions that must be addressed to kick off this article. We all know, or should know, the first. It’s probably the most asked about question pertaining to one of the most famous memorable lines in the Torah. As a matter of fact: when one defines a “dramatic pause” in the Webster’s Dictionary this is it! It’s as dramatic as you can get. However, before we begin, let’s first start with a little background:

 

BACKGROUND

Yosef has become the second in command of the most powerful nation in the world, Egypt. The world is in the midst of a famine and Egypt is the epics-center to purchase food. Egypt has been placed in a very good position of “provider” thanks to Yosef, whose advice, through interpreting Pharaoh’s dream, was dead on target.

As a matter of fact, even Yosef’s brothers traveled to Egypt to purchase food due to the desperate state they were facing.

The brothers, out of jealousy, sold Yosef into slavery against his will, obviously, and have not seen him for twenty two years. As they’re introduced to their long lost brother, the Viceroy, the high in command, who is in charge of distributing food, whom they didn’t recognize, Yosef acts cold to them. They haven’t a clue that it’s him.  As the story develops Yosef congers up a plan placing their youngest brother, Benyamin, in which Yosef shared the same mother, Rachel, and was very close to, in jail. Yosef orchestrated the alleged theft framing his younger brother in order to test the brothers’ loyalty towards Benyamin, hoping they’ve learned their lesson.

 

QUESTIONS

1) After Yosef’s dialogue with his brothers reached its climax, he finally breaks down and says “I am Yosef — Is my father still alive?” [Bereshit 45:3] All the commentaries ask an obvious question: the entire dialogue between Yosef and his brothers was centered on their father. Yaakov had been the constant focus of Yosef’s questions and the brothers’ responses. So why does Yosef ask again if his father is still alive?

2) Once one examines the back and forth tense talk, between Yosef and Yehuda they’ll realize something odd on Yehuda’s defensive attack, the leader of the brothers and personal guarantor that Benyamin will return unscathed back to his father.

As Yehudah is making his impassioned plea to the Viceroy in Egypt (who he did not yet realize was his brother Yosef) to release Binyamin, he made the argument — “How can you not let him go? If his father finds out that he did not return, he will not be able to survive!” The Chiddushei HaRim points out that at that time, Binyamin had 10 children. Why did Yehudah not use the argument — how can you not let Binyamin go, you will leave 10 orphans!! They will not be able to survive without their father?

 

Rabbi Yissachar Frand brings out an unfortunate problem in today’s society.   Many of us can be seduced by the mighty Dollar. As a result some of our children do not receive the love which they need. One may ask. What does making money have to do with loving your children? Their parents are too busy making money by working 12, 14, or 16 hours a day to have time for their children. The parents are using the “land of opportunity” to the maximum at the expense of alienating their children. My mother, an immigrant of this country, would always say their family of five was much happier living in a two room apartment than today’s America where the privileged, each child has a separate wing with their own private bathrooms, but minimum contact with parents. Where is the love? Giving individual attention to each child is vital in their growth. We often hear this from parents when children go in the wrong path. “I don’t understand I provided him with everything”. Yeah, everything but attention!

Rabbi Frand brings an interesting true story, which explains Yosef’s question.

There was once a student whose father had deserted his family. This sort of student often causes a lot of problems for a teacher. He was totally “turned off” to everything. The teacher tried to become close to the child. He invited the child over to his house. Nothing helped. The child just sat there in class and did not participate.

As is unfortunately the case with teachers sometimes, the teacher was prepared to write this child off. “Put him in the back of the class; let him just sit there. Hopefully he will absorb some of what is being taught. I gave it my best shot; there is nothing more I can do.” And so that is what the teacher did.

For about half a year, the child just sat and ‘vegetated’. Finally, the class started Parshat VaYigash. They learned the dialogue between Yosef and the brothers. Then they learned the verse “I am Yosef — is my father still alive?” The Rebbe asked our question to the students — what does Yosef mean by this question?

This child from the back of the classroom, the one who had not participated for half the year, raised his hand and gave this incredibly poignant interpretation: “Yosef is saying, ‘I know that YOUR father is still alive, but is MY father still alive? Has my father given up on me? I have been away from home; I have been in a strange land for 22 years; is MY father still alive? Do I still have a father who cares about ME?'”

That child was not only asking Yosef’s question. He was asking his own question. Sometimes we have children who in different ways and in different forms are asking “Is my father still alive?” “Does my father still care about me?”

Children are very sensitive; they want to be loved by their parents to the highest degree. They are dependent on their mother and father. I would like to share an astonishing feeling I had when my father past away. When he left this world I felt abandoned. Surprisingly, I was forty one and leading my own family!! Even though, I was taking care of him the last ten years of his life I still felt he was taking care of me. My feelings of abandonment, is shared by many.

 We see how super-sensitive one is at forty one; can one imagine a child, a teen?

Rabbi Yossi Bilus brings a story where a friend of the family asked three brothers what was their best part of the trip to Israel. Interestingly, each one had a different answer, even though they are similar in age. One brother said “a trip to the Western Wall”; one said “a trip to Kever Rachel” and the last, sheepishly said “a trip to the mall”.

After carefully examining each trip, the friend of the family discovered on each occasion where the sons had the best time, seemingly the father happened to take each individually on that particular outing and had their own “father and son” time alone. They each received their undivided attention from their father. That is what made it a special moment.

Many children emulate their parents, whether it is at the present time or at a latter age. Perhaps, this is the best sign of endearment; perhaps, this is the optimal sign of respect. Perhaps, this is the highest sign of love.

However there is a major contradiction to what is said above. The Shalo”h Hakodesh writes a concept (which is also found in secular circles): One parent can take care of ten children but ten children cannot take care of one parent. The Chiddushei HaRim finds a source for this idea in this week’s parsha. When Yehudah made his impassioned plea to the Viceroy in Egypt (who he did not yet realize was his brother Yosef) to release Binyamin, he made the argument — “How can you not let him go? If his father finds out that he did not return, he will not be able to survive!” The Chiddushei HaRim points out that at that time, Binyamin had 10 children. Why did Yehudah not use the argument — how can you not let Binyamin go, you will leave 10 orphans!!!  They will not be able to survive without their father? Apparently, says Chiddushei HaRim, 10 children can somehow manage without a father, but a father cannot manage without one of 10 remaining sons.

This concept that a father’s attachment to his children is stronger than the children’s attachment to their father is the source for the Shaloh’s comment and for the similar concept that circulates in the world at large.

Our children love us and respect us, etc., but it is not the same as our love for them. Rabbi Frand once saw a very interesting explanation for this phenomenon. Every single human emotion that exists is something we received from Adam, the first human being. Adam had children and therefore he had in him the emotion of a parent’s love for his children. However, Adam did not have a father. He is the only person in the history of the world who did not have parents. Consequently, the emotion of love of child for parent was something he did not possess. It was an acquired skill developed in later generations, but it never had the strong genetically passed down roots that existed in the emotion of love towards children, which is innate in our personalities.

For this reason, Yehudah recognized that the stronger argument for the release of Binyamin would be “his father can’t survive his loss” rather than “his children will not be able to survive his loss.”

 Dr. Abba Goldman – psychologist from Yeshiva Chaffetz Chaim adds, although Yaacov received reassurance from G-d that the genealogy of Yaacov will continue and not assimilate what was a strong incentive to go down to Egypt was reuniting with Yosef. This is the main reason Yaacov was lured to Egypt. Yaacov needed to see his beloved son.

The good Doctor continues; “It’s a natural instinct that kids gravitate towards independence.  Unfortunately, as they build their own lives, the role of dependency tend to reverse. Dr. Goldman says the commandment “Honoring your father and your mother” is not so simple. Many have a misconception about this commandment; it’s the least understood; they think – it primary pertains to children. On the contrary, dealing with old and cranky parents is the big test of “honoring”. However, one must prioritize and not let their “Honoring” impinge, to a large extent, on their relationship with their spouse and children”.

The question is who loves whom more: the parents or the children.

Rav Eliyahu Dessler writes in Michtav Eliyahu – it’s obviously the parents. The parents have given to the children most of their lives and there is a concept “the more you give – the more you love”. Even though there might be a degree of dependency at an old age, however, the parents, by and large have been the caretakers since the inception.

It’s very hard to fulfill the commandment of honoring one’s parents, especially when they’re old and cranky. Especially, when one has the pressure of raising young children, a demanding wife and bills mounting endlessly. Many of us take pride in honoring parents; however, on occasion our patience is tested.

Once, a son took his frustrations to an extreme.

 After his mother’s passing, the son moved the father in with him. He, Baruch Hashem, had a growing family. The father had some medical issues, but the son with the right care took care of it. But juggling family, work and an elderly father, who seemed like was blessed with longevity, became too challenging over the years. The loyal son became very impatient. Medical insurance was not covering all of the old man’s expenses. No matter how prosperous and modern thinking this country can be, it seems like it’s not prepared for the elderly. The son found himself behind the eight ball, in debt.

Pressure makes a person think irrationally. He decided to take some time off. As a child, the father would always take him camping. The stressed out son decided to take his father for a ride to the mountains. Rest and relaxation is therapeutic sometimes. The road was extremely and dangerously narrow and he had to drive carefully. As he was reaching his destination, an impulsive, horrifying idea surfaced.  The son thought, “here is my opportunity” as they were camped at the edge of the mountain. Still he decided to see his father’s face one last time before he commits his act of desperation. He was taken aback seeing his father with a smile. Knowing that his father was a very smart man, he curiously asked, “Pop, why are you smiling?” The father answered back, “I did the same thing to my father”.

The son felt a cold chill as he realized that how one treats one’s parent is how he will be treated. Quickly, he took he father out of danger.

The relationship between parents and children is a very important one. One often mimics their exchanges that they experienced with parents with their own kids therefore it’s very important that one gets it right the first time or we can  see a repeat flaw for generations.

Overview of Sefer Bereishit

September 1, 2013 Jewish Values, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson No comments
   

 

The accomplishment of finishing something is always sweet, and this week we conclude the book of Bereishit. The beauty of learning the Chumash (Bible) is that one can study the same passage when you’re in grade school and as an adult, and come out fulfilled. I remember how proud I was in finishing the book of Bereishit in early grade school and the whole class screaming the signature conclusion that one finds in any scripture ‘chazak chazak venitchazek’. The classmates would then add jokingly ‘my mother baked a chocolate cake and in the cake there was a rake’. If one had to summarize or give an underlying theme of the book of Bereishit, what would it be? Perhaps, one may say, it’s seeking the truth.

 

The first memory of this concept is Abraham who experimented in many areas in his pursuit of the truth and coming to the conclusion of a monotheistic G-d. How many of you remember this beautiful Midrash? (story from the oral Torah). On one occasion, he was given the task of watching over his father’s pagan-idol shop. When his father came back, he found all the idols broken except the biggest one, holding an ax. He asked Abraham ‘what happened?’ He replied, ‘the big one got angry at the rest and broke them all’. The father in disbelief answered back ‘their incapable’. Abraham answered if you don’t believe it’s true, why do you make them out to be powerful Gods?

 

There is a riveting storyline of truth in Parshat Vayeshev, when Yehuda was rewarded and became the leader of the Jews. This is because it was extremely tempting to lie and hide what really transpired. However, he admitted his participation in sleeping, unknowingly, with his widowed daughter-in-law. The daughter-in-law was in the right because she was legally bound to Yehuda’s family. The revelation of truth produced, through that union, the seeds of the Moshiach.

 

In the book of Bereishit, we learn how sensitive one should be when confronting issues between husband and wife. G-d teaches us that sometimes truth is meant not to be told. When good news arrived via the angels, that Abraham and Sarah will have children, Sarah had doubts ‘how can we have children, my husband is so old?’ G-d asked Abraham in a later conversation, altering what his wife said, why did Sarah say ‘how can we have kids, I’m so old?

 

Sometimes, lies and impersonations are required in order to maintain and preserve integrity in the world. Straight-laced Yaacov, the epitome of truth, had to lie and go against his character, his whole philosophy of life and impersonate his brother, Eisav, in order to get a crucial blessing from his father.

 

Apparently, right from the beginning, we find the snake putting doubt in Eve’s mind, taking advantage of the lie Adam told her, in order to seduce her. Although Adam used the lie in order to protect her from eating from the tree, it backfired.

 

It seems like the concept of truth has been in a tug of war, fighting for preservation throughout the entire book of Bereishit. The Torah teaches us when to use it and when not to. Although it’s a bit complex, perhaps the teachings of Rav Henoch Leibowitz z’l, would shed some light with this very clear message. ‘Who is a man of truth, one who recognizes the good and appreciates what G-d has done for him’. He continues, ‘ever wonder why Yehuda was able to persevere and tell the truth under extreme difficult circumstances, because when he was born, his mother named him Yehuda – in appreciation; ‘I appreciate that G-d gave me a wonderful child. She acquired the trait of appreciation and instilled it in her son, and he reciprocated and became royalty in G-d’s eyes.

Why does the Tamar Incident Stand Out for Yehuda?

September 1, 2013 MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson No comments

          Why is Yehuda’s reward so great? As a reward for his handling of the incident of Tamar, he received tremendous “brawny” points in this world and the next. Yaacov, his father, blessed him that he would be the king. His descendants–and only his descendants– are to be the monarchs. However, if one carefully thinks of what happened, would anybody in their right mind give the green light to burn three innocent people in Tamar and the twins that she is carrying?

          Before we answer this question let’s present a little background. Tamar, Yehuda’s widowed daughter-in-law, was tossed aside and not offered the opportunity to remarry and have children in this family. Yehuda was concerned for the safety of his last son. When bad luck strikes, one cuts their losses and severs contacts. Perhaps this was Yehuda’s intentions. Tamar took action. Showing tenacity and cleverness, she disguised herself as a prostitute and lured Yehuda into having relations with her and he had no idea it was his daughter-in-law. Months later, it was discovered that she’s pregnant. Yehuda, figuring she had relationship with someone outside his family, demanded a trial where, if found guilty, she would be punished with death. At the trial where basically everyone was present, Tamar produced Yehuda’s stick. She told Yehuda and all the other people “whoever this stick belongs to is the one responsible for my pregnancy”. Yehuda then realized it was he who had impregnated her.
          Tamar put the ball in his court. No one knew whose stick it was except for Yehuda and Tamar. For Yehuda, who was considered a man of prominence, to go to a prostitute, was considered very demeaning. If it were disclosed at the trial that it was indeed Yehuda, he would have been the laughingstock of the town. Yehuda then acknowledged in public that indeed it was he who was responsible for his daughter-in-law’s pregnancy. Now any person with integrity would have saved these people (Tamar and unborn twins) from death. So why was Yehuda’s action singled out?
          Many people, especially leaders, welcome self-improvement. They want to be the best they can be. However, they will improve in a more private setting. No one wants to show their vulnerability. Many of us will rationalize that if I get embarrassed, it will be a strike against G-d as well, since I’m in a highly esteemed position and I’m Jewish. Our Jewishness will be slighted and embarrassed. It’s not me that I’m concerned about, it’s the company, the cause, the system etc. It will not benefit anybody if we disclose our mishaps. Once one’s reputation is on the line, they can rationalize that perhaps I’m not so guilty. Subconsciously, they want to justify their actions because their integrity and ego is in question.
          Yehuda, as a judge, had numerous ways to re-direct the situation and everybody will come out looking clean. One should know that the essence of repentance is the acknowledgement of wrong-doing. He was one of the first individuals in the history of the world to publicly do repentance. Yehuda didn’t hesitate; he blurted out TZADKA MIMENI- SHE WAS RIGHT. I take responsibility for my mistake. It was not just to keep her alive, but also to emphasize that she was right in her actions. He wasn’t afraid to disclose the truth. He did not find a way to hide or cover the truth. This is the essence of his name, “acknowledgement”. Yehuda personifies what truth is all about. He is not afraid to show the world that he erred. In fact, he stepped forth in order to show that one has to correct himself. This is a true sign of leadership.

Parshat Vayeishev

May 10, 2013 Highlights No comments

“A Cup of Coffee 

 

&

A Quick Thought”
Steaming Cup of Coffee
Spark Of Jewish Experience
  Vayeishev

December 15, 2011
19 Kislev, 5772
Dear Friends,

 

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In This Issue
Parshat Vayeishev Highlights
Parshat Vayeishev – Leadership
Chanukah – Pursuit of Honor
The Vision That Makes Dreams a Reality – Chanukah

Parshat Vayeishev Highlights
 

First portion:

 

* After a life full of difficulties, Yaacov settles in Canaan, home of his father, thinking he’ll have some peace and quiet…..Ha!
* Yosef, who is Yaacov’s favorite son, (and was singled out by buying him and only him a coat) is described by the narrative as a na’ar (a bit immature) who told his father the negative things his brothers do.
* Josephs immature and naive behavior resulted in eventually telling his father and brothers two similar dreams where the brothers, as well as his parents, are bowing down to him (note: if one has 2 similar dreams on back-to-back nights, there’s a greater chance that some elements of it will come true). As a result of this disclosure, the brothers hated him even more.

 

Second portion:

 

* Yaacov tells Yosef to find his brothers.
* The brothers’ hatred toward him escalates from’ keeping it in their heart ‘ to verbal taunting (look, the dreamer is here) and then to the physical, l as they contemplate killing him. Reuben persuades them not to kill our own flesh and blood.

 

Third portion:

 

* After abandoning the idea of killing him, the brothers grabbed him and threw him into a pit. Yehuda speaks out ‘why should we leave him for dead, lets’ sell him’. So the brothers sold him to the Yishmaelim (Arabs).
* After some wheeling and dealing, Yosef ends up in Egypt.
* The brothers took his jacket, the same one that his father gave him as a gift, and dipped it in blood. Yehuda presented the torn Jacket to Yaacov, their father saying, ‘Recognize this jacket? A wild animal killed Yosef. Yaacov never stopped mourning for Yosef.
* Yosef was sold to Potifar, one of the officers of Pharaoh.

 

Fourth portion:

 

* The narrative breaks away from the story of Yosef to tell us of an incident involving one of the brothers Yehuda. This is significant in the future leadership of Israel.
* Yehuda is widowed with three sons. He finds a wife, named Tamar, for his oldest son Err. Apparently, when Err has relationship with his new wife, Tamar, he makes a sin by not finishing the act but instead spilling his seed. The reason for this is because Err didn’t want to get Tamar pregnant; he wanted to preserve her beauty and figure. This angered G-d and Err died.
* We are introduced to a concept in Judaism that’s not practiced today, but people should be aware of, called Yibum and Chalitza. When a brother dies childless, it’s an obligation of a brother or a family member to preserve the name of the deceased brother and marry the widow. This process is called Yibum. If the brother is not interested, then he performs chalitza on her where the widow spits in the shoe of the non-interested party and she parts ways with her husband’s family; she then is free to marry others.
* Onan, the second son of Yehuda, takes responsibility and marries Tamar. Unfortunately, he too repeats his brother’s sin and does not learn from Err’s mistake. G-d takes his life as well.
* Yehuda soon after tells his widowed daughter-in-law that his youngest son, Shaila, is too young to take responsibility of Yibum and sends her away. Don’t call us, we’ll call you; apparently, Tamar would have to wait. But when the time came, Yehuda never called Tamar.
* Tamar, realizing the importance of this family, devised a plan to continue to be a part of it. She disguised herself as a prostitute and purposely went to the field where Yehuda was tending sheep. Yehuda offered her his stick as collateral until he will have money the next day and she agreed. But the next day she was nowhere to be found. A number of months later, Yehuda was told that his daughter-in-law is pregnant, not knowing that he was responsible for the pregnancy.
* At the trial, Tamar showed the court Yehuda’s signet, wrap and staff and said whoever this is, is responsible for the child (she was carrying twins) I’m carrying. She purposely didn’t accuse anybody and left it in the hands of Yehuda to tell the truth or not.
* Yehuda acknowledged it was he who was responsible.

 

Fifth portion:

 

* Yosef was successful working at Potifar’s house, so much so, that he was promoted to the head overseer of the household. He was well-liked by all.

 

Sixth portion:

 

* Potifar’s wife takes a liking to Yosef and tries to seduce him daily. In one incident, Potifar’s wife was a bit more brazen in her attempt. But Yosef prevails and does not succumb to her advances. Yosef saw the image of his father and that helped him.
* Potifar’s wife was humiliated by the rejection and cries attacker!! Attacker!! And Yosef is put in jail.

 

Seventh portion:

 

* In jail, he meets two other inmates who are troubled by dreams they each had. The butler, who was punished because a dead fly was found in Pharaoh’s wine cup, and the baker who was in prison because Pharaoh bit on a rock which was in his bread. Yosef interprets the dreams; the butler will get his old job back and the baker will die. Joseph interprets the dreams correctly.

Parshat Vayeishev – Leadership

 

              Who is a true leader? What qualities should he and should he not have? Do you consider yourself a leader type? In this week’s parsha, we see a classic example of what a text-book leader is all about, and who to emulate if  one wants to be a leader and needless to say a fine human being. When Yaacov, our patriarch, was on his deathbed and he was giving out the brachot (in Parshat Vayechi), it consisted of the placement (and displacement) of some brothers in certain positions. These chosen positions, which were based on their character and prophecy, were permanently passed down through their descendants forever. Yehuda, who was the fourth son, was chosen the leader because of the incident with Tamar. What did he exactly do to earn him the lofty position of crown royalty? In order to answer the question, we must back track just a bit. Tamar, Yehuda’s widowed daughter-in-law, was tossed aside fearing she will never have the opportunity to marry and have children with Yehuda’s family after her marriage to two of Yehuda’s sons resulted in their deaths (not her fault). Obviously, Yehuda was concerned about the safety of the last son. When bad luck strikes, one cuts their losses and severs contacts. Perhaps this was Yehuda’s intentions.

Tamar took action showing tenacity and cleverness, by disguising herself as a prostitute and luring Yehuda into having relationship with her where he had no idea it was his daughter-in-law all along. Months later, it was discovered she’s pregnant. Yehuda, figuring she had relationship outside his family, demanded a trial where if found guilty would be punishable by death. At the trial where basically the whole town and more were present, Tamar showed Yehuda and the town ‘whose ever stick this is, is the one responsible for my pregnancy’. Yehuda then realized it was he.

Apparently, Tamar put the ball in his court. No one knew whose stick it was except for Yehuda and Tamar. For Yehuda – who was considered a man of prominence – to go to a prostitute, was considered very demeaning. If it were disclosed at the trial that it was indeed Yehuda, then he would have been the laughing stock of the town. ‘My goodness what would people think of me?’ Tamar arranged it in such a way that if Yehuda will not admit it was his stick, no one else will know and therefore her fate of death was imminent. She would go down to the grave with the truth.

Yehuda’s admission, ‘tzadka meemeni – she’s right’ was a breakthrough statement of all time. Not only did he admit in front of the whole town it was him who was responsible, but he also acknowledged that Tamar was in the right for doing what she did. His admission was clearly a difficult task. Yehuda showed strong character by pursuing the truth even though it would be at the expense of his dignity, and would have taken him out of any prominence. But most important, he didn’t care what people thought. He will not let criticism dictate his decision, criticism that would be very tempting not to admit the truth.

Similarly, we find King David, who was a descendant of Yehuda, admitting his guilt after intentionally sending Batsheva’s husband, Uria, to the front to be killed, so he can conveniently marry her. A leader has to admit guilt and not let his pride get in the way.

King Shaul had an opportunity to kill out Amalek (PUBLIC ENEMY NO 1); He disregarded an order from G-d, afraid of what the people might think. He did not want to appear too cruel. A decision like that disqualifies you as king. This action was the factor in losing the Kingdom.

Chanukah – Pursuit of Honor
   

           If someone was born and bred in a western culture, they surely can appreciate Chanukah. One of the major aspects of childhood in America is being entertained by TV crime fighters or the superheroes that we grew up with. They are all predominately based on the Maccabees. G-d had mercy on the Jews and our heroes prevailed. We all have that sense of pride of what Matetyahu and his sons accomplished and rightfully so. It was a magnificent display of courage, belief in G-d and national pride; Kol Hakavod to them.

Little is written about the Maccabees. Surprisingly, only one side of a page is written about them in Tractate Shabbat, while a whole tractate and a megila is dedicated to the holiday of Purim. Why is that so?

In the Torah, nothing is coincidence. There is always a reason why things are the way they are. Chanukah always falls out on the week when we read about the story of Yehuda, (which is our dvar Torah-schmooze of the week on the parsha) and how he earned the right to be the leader of the brothers. The bracha of our patriarch Yaacov, which we will read in a few weeks, not only crowns Yehuda as royalty, but his descendants as well. The kingdom is only to come out from Yehuda. Only under the extreme dire situations should Israel alter this tradition.

Unfortunately, such was the case with the Maccabees; there was nobody from the tribe of Yehuda at the time worthy to be King. Therefore, Shimon, one of the remaining sons of Matetyahu, became King, temporarily, as well as their natural position of Kohen Gadol (high priest; the Maccabees were Kohanim). However, what started out as a noble gesture, even though the original Maccabees were as sincere as one can get, their descendants were not. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. It’s very hard to let go of power and kavod, especially when the high position is passed down from generation to generation, and one feels it is mine to inherit.

Our sages informed us that whoever says they are descendants of the Maccabees are terribly mistaken. Because they hung onto the kingdom longer then they were supposed to, all the descendants were wiped out. The last descendant, Miriam, was forced to marry Herod the great (who wasn’t Jewish). Herod wanted to be liked so badly that he forced the marriage, figuring people will give him more respect for marrying into such a popular and noble family. Miriam had other plans. Seeing she could not get out of the marriage, she decided to take her own life. Herod was devastated and very desperate to hold onto power. What he did for some time will go down as the most despicable act in history. He did not inform the public about Miriam’s death. Herod kept her body in honey for preservation and every morning when the king customarily addresses the nation, he would bring her out as if she was alive to show all is fine at the palace.

The Vision That Makes Dreams a Reality – Chanukah
   

In one of the passages in Shir Hashirim – the Song of Songs, written by King Solomon, it is written, doodayim brought out a fragrance and at the entrance the oils (from the Chanukah menorah) burn brightly. Doodayim are plants that bring out magnificent scent. Reuben, Yaacov’s oldest son, introduced it to us when he presented it to his mother Leah. What’s the connection that King Solomon, the smartest man that ever lived, makes between Reuben’s doodayim and oil of the Chanukah menorah?

Reuben was gifted with tremendous vision that made him the only one who recognized that the brothers were wrong in their assessment of Yosef. Reuben prevented them from killing Yosef. No one saw what Reuben envisioned. The menorah beautifully lit represents the Maccabees who believed in G-d and that truth will prevail, foreseeing confidently that they will overcome and be victorious over the most powerful obstacle in the world, the Greek army. Having the ability to envision and believe it can be achieved, requires strong character. This can be attained by strengthening our belief in G-d and developing a tenacity to fulfill the dreams, which seem unattainable. We all have dreams that we wish will come true but don’t believe it will ever come into fruition. The passage teaches us one can take a vision and make it a reality.
Sincerely,
Rabbi Avi Matmon
Spark of Jewish Experience

Parshat Acharei Mot

May 3, 2013 Highlights on the Weekly Parsha, Uncategorized No comments

“A Cup of Coffee 

 

&

A Quick Thought”

 

 
Steaming Cup of Coffee
Spark Of Jewish Experience
 
 Acharei Mot

April 13, 2011

9 Nissan, 5771
In This Issue
Verbal Importance of the Seder
Breaking the Glass

Verbal Importance of the Seder
 haggadah

When one thinks about Pesach, the first thing that comes to mind is matzah. It is called ‘lechem oni-bread of affliction’. Another way of understanding ‘lechem oni’ is ‘lechem shea onim alav de’varim harbeh -bread over which many things are said’. This is the reason when we are about to start ‘avadim hayinu-we were slaves’, after reciting the ‘ma nishtanah-why is this night different from every other night’; we uncover the matzah and point at it. At this juncture, we are called upon to ‘talk’ about the exodus of Egypt. The very word ‘Pesach’ has been interpreted as ‘peh-sach-the mouth talks’, to stress the importance of putting the meaning of the event into words. As slaves, words were not spoken because slaves are not allowed to speak or to think. It’s important at the Seder to verbally read the Hagaddah from beginning to end. We see speaking as a sign of freedom. Any American can tell you the special privilege that is granted to us in freedom of speech; it’s a constitutional right. The Americans took example from the exodus of Egypt and incorporated them in their very own experiences and constitution. There is also an emphasis on the father and son dialog, because of the very reason we gave above, ‘freedom’. That relationship doesn’t exist when you’re a slave. There is no tradition that is passed down; one is obliged only to his master. However, freedom has a lot of fringe benefits and strengthening  that bond of the father and son is one of them.

In some places, it is customary for the father to repeat the mah nishtanah after the child has finished. The reason may be perhaps the child asked without understanding. It’s important to note that it is desirable that the entire Haggadah should be translated and explained for the benefit of all the Seder participants. After all, the Seder is not meant to be an empty ritual, but an effort to grasp and relive the experience of our ancestors. Somebody who does not understand the Haggadah has actually not fulfilled his obligation.

Another reason why the emphasis on ‘talking’ is important is that our very essence is speech. When Jacob came to receive the bracha from his father Isaac, Isaac said ‘hakol kol Yaacov v’hayadim yedei Eisav’-the voice is the voice of Jacob and the hands are the hands of Eisav’. Jacob’s power is in the speech. This is our strength and we are utilizing this gift that G-d gave us with pride at the Seder.

Besides Torah, which is part and parcel with speech and is our life force, there is another advantage, which we exercised that I feel proud of. When I was younger in the late 1960’s & early 70’s, the 25 year-old generation would create rallies and an enthusiastic energetic environment to make their voices heard for Soviet Jewry.  It worked by putting pressure on the government, and it unified the Jews whether they were American or Russian. It was a tremendous show of solidarity and it showed that with ‘kol Yaacov’, we can make a difference. The Seder is not the time to keep quiet; one should ask, answer, sing whatever they can, to strengthen our gift.

Breaking the Glass
breaking the glass

 

Baruch Hashem, there is always an abundance of weddings before Passover. It never fails, as one watches the bride and groom, to reminisce when we actually took those very steps ourselves. How interesting it is to witness a couple’s significant moment in their lives. I’m sure one can guess that a chupah ceremony has strong traditions and deep meanings. There is a lingering question that is often asked about the breaking of the glass at the end of the ceremony. We have learned it’s for the remembrance of our holy Temple, which was destroyed approximately two thousand years ago. This unpleasant memory is incorporated into our joyous occasion so we should not feel overly happy where we experienced such grief as a nation.

But why such an emphasis on diffusing the joy? Why not live with having a purely happy occasion without a bit of sorrow? Why can’t we just be happy to the fullest? Furthermore, one would have to look at a significant event in our history – which I’ve been scratching my head in wonderment – in order to understand what Rav Chaim Shmuelevits is trying to convey to us in this d’var Torah in which I had the pleasure to tell over.

The lineage of the Mashiach comes from the tribe of Yehuda, but the turning of events of how the inception came about will startle you. Yehuda’s daughter in-law was widowed twice; G-d punished and killed Yehuda’s two sons (Tamar’s 1st and 2nd husbands.) Consequently, he told her to go to her father’s house until his third son is old enough to marry. Jewish tradition prevents a widow from marrying out of her husband’s family if she didn’t have children (although this does not apply today.) Usually, the brother is required to marry his brother’s wife, in order to preserve the deceased sibling’s name (yibum), or else he has to give her Chalitza (equivalent of a divorce). But, in light of what happened, Yehuda gave her the old line ‘don’t call me, I’ll call you’ and as the third son came of age, the call to Tamar never came. Perhaps he viewed her as bad luck and was reluctant to give over his son, fearing the black widow would strike again. Tamar, the widowed daughter in-law, had an intuition of the importance of the family and would not give up the right to be the mother of the messianic family. She disguised herself as a prostitute and seduced the widowed Yehuda. These uncharacteristic actions of both Yehuda and Tamar have put every living being off guard, as we will soon see. The news came out that Tamar was pregnant which angered Yehuda. ‘She is bound to our family and has committed a severe violation; she should be burned,’ he proclaimed, not knowing that it was he who impregnated her. Tamar made Yehuda realize through her discrete hint, that it was he who will be the father of her twins. Even though he was in front of the leaders of the world, Yehuda earned great admiration for his admittance, showing honesty, seeking to do what’s right and taking responsibility, therefore resulting in being crowned leader by his father and brothers.

But why does the Mashiach have to come in this manner? The great Jewish savior is presented in such an un-dignifying way; this is how you want the Mashiach to come? The mere thought of Yehuda not knowing who the mother of the messianic lineage is at the time of the physical relationship, is mind boggling!

Rav Chaim teaches us the world operates in such a manner that every holy act cannot exist unless it has a small mixture of negativity. Therefore, the Mashiach would not be able to come in a natural way because the evil powers were too strong and would not allow the inception of this significant occurrence.

This leads us to this week’s Parsha where we realize that the power of evil could prevent goodness from blossoming unless the evil is satiated. Then and only then goodness can operate. The Torah mentions that on Yom Kippur, besides bringing a sacrifice to G-d, an identical young he-goat would be given to Satan. ‘What!!’ one may ask ‘Satan?’ Am I watching a B-movie late Saturday night on one of those low-budget channels? Perhaps it seems to be some form of idol worship. By throwing a bone to the devil, you’ll prevent any additional intervention.

My father had dinner once with his cousin, Mr. Mayer Abraham, who was one of the leaders of the Bukharian-Afgani community in Queens. They were on a business trip in the Far East.  Mr. Abraham left some food on his dinner plate. My father asked him ‘why don’t you finish? We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.’ He retorted back ‘I always leave a little piece for Satan so he should be happy also. After reading the d’rasha by Rav Chaim, I realize where Mr. Abraham’s source came.

Rav Chaim quotes the Ramban who lived a thousand years ago. The breaking of the glass quiets Satan so he doesn’t harm the couple. He is satisfied with the event not being 100% pure joy because the guests remember an unpleasant memory. It is the chatan that reads ‘if I forget Jerusalem (where the Temple was destroyed) let my right hand forget its skill.’

Some communities are scared of the evil eye. Therefore, they perform a real chupah the night before, and the chupah at the hall with all the guests is staged. Realizing the importance of feeling a little sorrow when breaking the glass and its significance of fending off Satan, one should conclude there is no need for additional protection of the chatan and kallah.
Sincerely,
Rabbi Avi Matmon
Spark of Jewish Experience