Spark of Jewish Experience

 

The flowers, the color table cloth, the hall, the caterer, the orchestra, the ring, I most likely missed some, my wife is better at coordinating weddings, are all necessary in preparing for today’s traditional Jewish wedding. Interestingly at my wedding, my florist gave me great advice in order to save money, since our wedding was separate seating, men and women, in accordance with modesty laws. He said “only put flowers on the women’s side since the men wouldn’t notice one way or the other. They’re more concerned about the food than the color table cloth, etc.” He was right.  No one from the men’s section asked about the flowers.  I actually took the initiative and asked some of the guys “what color were the flowers at your table? Many didn’t know; one said he thinks blue color flowers.  The old saying goes “men are from Mars and women are from Venus”.

 Many of the elements that are recited, conducted, served and sung at one of the most emotional charged celebrated Jewish event have deep meaning to them. For example, our brothers – the Ashkenazim – have a custom that I always found to be fascinating and I feel is one of the most fundamental concepts of life. At the chupah, the Kalah circles around the Chattan seven times.   This resembles the seven days that the world was built, so will the home the new couple build be blessed by G-d. Perhaps what I am also reminded by ushering the new home builders in the revolving door of life. I remember attending a funeral in the morning only to celebrate a wedding that very night. One begins to build while the other lets go, that is the circle of life!!

Furthermore, Kabbalists explain it that there are seven walls of evil that surround a person before marriage that falls when the Kallah circles the Chatan.

 Before the sheva brachot are recited, according to  Sepharadic and Yekkeshe [German Jewry]  tradition, the Chattan makes a  bracha of shecheyanu (blessing on something new), on his new Tallit. He then raps it around himself and spreads it over, with a little help from his friends, the bride. In essence, it looks like they are under a tent.

 What does the Tallit have to do with getting married and why cover it over the bride? Well, this tradition and the source stems from this week’s parsha.

 We are taught with regard to the restrained  Hebrew servant (eved ivri) that if “b’gapo yavo” then “b’gapo yeitzei” [Shmot 21:3]. What does this ambiguous term mean?

Rashi translates — based on Onkelos’ rendition — if he comes in by himself (i.e. – unmarried) then he will leave by himself. This interpretation fits in smoothly with the continuation of the pasuk [verse] “if he is married (im baal isha hu), his wife goes out with him.”

In modern Hebrew, we would use the term “ravak” [bachelor] for a single man and “nasui” for married person. The term “b’gapo” is very peculiar. It does not even appear in Mishnaic Hebrew. How does the word “b’gapo” indicate a person is single? The most common explanation is that it comes from the word “b’gufo” – meaning “with his body” (and with no one else). Rashi, however, cites another derivation for this word. Rashi equates “b’gapo” with “b’knafo”, meaning with his garment (i.e. – the shirt on his back).

According to Rashi, the metaphor for being single is one’s garment. The pasuk is saying: If you come in with (only) your coat, you leave with only your coat. What is the connection between a person’s garment and being single? The answer is that we define a person who is single as being one whose world ends at the end of this garment. He is a self-contained unit. His world ends where he ends.

If the definition of a single person is one whose world ends where his coat ends, then carrying the metaphor one step further, a married person is one whose coat extends over other people as well. A married person’s world extends to all others who have to come under his protection.

 With this idea, we can understand the Tallit’s role at a wedding. The groom puts on a Tallit and spreads it over himself and his bride. This ritual acts out the very implication of our metaphor. Under the Chuppah, at the moment of his marriage, the Chattan demonstrates that his world has now been extended by spreading his garment over someone else in addition to himself. My coat now has to cover someone else.

The Biblical source for this custom is the Book of Ruth. Ruth tells Boaz, in suggesting that he marry her, “And you shall spread your garment over your maid-servant” [Ruth 3:9]. In other words, “take me into your world.” Let your world no longer be the world of a single man that ends where your coat ends, let it be an extended world that includes someone else as well.

 It seems like a garment has a very important role in life and one cannot disregard its role. David in his quest to be King of Israel cut King Shaul’s coat while he was sleeping to show that he can easily infiltrate the inner privacy of his chambers.  One would have taken David’s act of “cut clothing” as showing his strength to Shaul as just that. However, David erred tremendously and was punished that his last days of his life, he would suffer by not being able to stay warm. No clothing would make him feel comfortable and warm. Midah k’neged midah – Measure for measure!

Why was David punished so severely for cutting King Shaul’s cloth? And why by covering the bride does the groom demonstrate that his world has been extended?

WHAT IS OUR MISSION AS JEWS?

It’s our mission as Jews, who are the ambassadors of Almighty, the chosen people, whom we represent to emulate G-d. Yes, basically we’re copy cats.  We keep Shabbat because we read in the Torah that he rests on the seventh day. We put on Tefilin because we learn that He, metaphorically, puts on Tefilin. We take upon ourselves to do kindness because G-d does kindness with us. This is the primary directive, in this beautiful world. We pursuit this goal by acknowledging the very essence of what the word “world” means. The Ohr Gedalyahu points out that the word “olam”, world, has the same root as ‘he’elem’, which means hidden. The world is defined as the place where G-d’s presence is hidden. G-d reveals himself in a minimal way. He makes space for us to have our own world. He hides His light from us, so that we can make our own choices. But He remains immanently present within that hiddenness. In a way, He is yet more present in His absence than in His presence.  It’s our job to discover Him; however, that task is accomplished best by also being hidden. Although it’s impossible to be totally incognito, we have to accomplish without being too noticed.

 Walking the streets of Boro Park when we first got married, I commented to her of a few of the run down looking houses on the local streets. She laughed as I pointed to one particular one. She said, “Although it looks run down from the outside, however, the interior contains marble floors, a modern kitchen and a state of the art elevator”. She said, “It looks decrepit from the outside by design. They don’t want to be noticed”.

 The bracha of life is hidden, it’s covered. Strange – how nature works. The roots which are the most critical of plant life are formulated underground. A baby is conceived in the confines of privacy of the bedroom in the dark under the covers. We are obligated to cover some of major parts of life; married women cover their hair; the challah on Shabbat is covered; the ANANAI HACOVOD – the Cloud of glory covered the nation; we cover our heads with a kipah.

 David, by cutting his garment, breached the respect both of the King of Israel and Shaul –  personal virtue  for he was known to be careful with modesty laws. The apparent violation to clothing, a tool for Tzniut-modesty, a protection not to reveal, something G-d cherishes very much, cost David a great deal later on in life.  David, indeed, compromised the essence of the King; it wasn’t just the King of Israel but also the KING of the heavens. Therefore, he was punished with one of the benefits clothing has to offer, “Keeping warm”. No matter how many layers of clothing and blankets that was placed on David at the end of his life he could not stay warm.

 In a few weeks we will read Migilat Esther. Perhaps, it’s not a coincidence that Esther which means “hidden” is the descendant of King Shaul.

   The Chattan symbolizes, by placing the Tallit on the Kallah-bride, that we are now blessed. We are extending the bracha beyond the single status and are ready to start a family. Here the bracha starts from being covered-hidden by the Tallit which symbols the mitzvoth-commandments of the Torah.           

 May G-d grant us the perception to recognize that it is His presence, His light that permeates all that surround us in this olam. May this light enable us to see and realize all that we can accomplish.

 An accomplishment successfully done purely, discreetly but at the same time pronouncing and spreading His name.