Tag Archive for Yosef

Understanding the enemy mind: Chanukah

March 3, 2016 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s Yissachar Frand, Akiva Grunblatt-Rosh Yeshiva Chaffetz Chaim,  Pinchas Winston, Asher Hurzberg, Yitzchak Ginsberg and Dr. Abba Goldman

 
If only Jews, over the course of history, would embrace their culture like they have done with others, they would have been unstoppable. However, they often pledge allegiance to the flag of blah- blah- blah and as a result abandon their own culture leading many of our own to relinquish, their religion. Then, what follows is big time trouble…….It seems like we never learn our lesson.
 The Greeks laid out a not yet Chanukah present:
* The Greeks decreed that they would eradicate: 1) Shabbat, 2) Brit Mila, and 3) Rosh Chodesh from the Jewish faith.
* I can understand Brit Milah and Shabbat, the pillars of Jewish faith, but how did Rosh Chodesh make the top three lists. The Greeks were an intelligent society, a super power and if they choose their battles and strategy a certain way, one can bet their bottom dollar that they knew what they were doing.  Why then, did they believe that Rosh Chodesh was essential in destroying the spirit of the Jews?
*We are judged on every Rosh Chodesh; it’s similar to Rosh Hashana; it’s a renewal. In the recitation of the Ya’aleh V’yavo which is said on Rosh Chodesh there are similar references like we recite in our Rosh Hashana prayers to Zachor- remember, which a primary component in our pursuit for forgiveness is.
*Did you know the Bnei Yissaschar comments that Chanukah is unique among the Jewish holidays in that it is the only holiday that spans two months (Kislev and Tevet). This means that Chanukah always contains a ‘Rosh Chodesh’ [First day of the Month] within it. Why is that?
We always try to find some similarities to the weekly parsha. Strangely? We discovered in this week’s parsha – Miketz something very unique. The Parsha ends but the story doesn’t. It is the only time where one parsha doesn’t finish its story line. A real cliffhanger!! We have to wait till next week to find out what happened to Yosef and his brothers. Tune in next week same bat time, same bat channel. Why the only cliffhanger in the Torah?
Firstly, let’s understand the significance of the candle lighting ceremony.
 The lights of Chanukah are essential for it represents us.  Candle lights are very spiritual. The soul derives joy from the candle’s light, whether dead or alive. As the verse states, “The light of the righteous will rejoice.” How come? The soul is made up of divine light, and it is natural to delight in something that is of a similar makeup. This is the case even though the candle generates mere physical light, whereas the soul’s light is spiritual. For this reason there are special segulot where if one looks at the candles after the brachot they will merit tremendous blessings.
We have said that Chanukah is unique in having a Rosh Chodesh in between. Interestingly, Rosh Chodesh occurs when the moon is not seen; however, we know it’s there. On a similar vein – a Neshama-soul is never distinguished as well. Even though we don’t see it, it only needs to be rekindled for the soul is eternal.  Rosh Chodesh implies renewal (of the moon and of the month). This is the theme of Chanukah — the renewal of the spirit of the Jews.
The Jewish people are compared to the moon — sometimes their fate seems to darken and fade away but we are always confident that it will be renewed in the future. This too is a pattern that sometimes reflects our relationship with the Almighty. There are ups and downs. There are peaks and valleys. It waxes and it wanes. Rosh Chodesh demonstrates that there can be renewal. There can be a new moon. The moon returns. It can get bigger.
This is why Chanukah is connected with Rosh Chodesh. The whole theme of Chanukah is that the Jewish people’s relationship with G-d slackened; but then they came back and the relationship was fully renewed its previous level.
“By seeking to annul the observance of Rosh Chodesh, the Greeks sought to deprive the Jewish people of one of their greatest strengths – the ability to master time by determining the order of the Jewish calendar. The Jewish people, through the Sanhedrin, the Jewish High Court, enjoyed the unique prerogative of proclaiming the new moon and, consequently, the timing of all the festivals. It was this unique ability to master time that the Greeks sought to deny us.
When we bless the new moon, we are transforming a natural occurrence into something much more powerful. We are creating Kedusha, Holiness, in this material world, to create light from darkness. This was something the Greeks could never accept.
 The ramifications of the Greek attempt to destroy Rosh Chodesh would have had a devastating effect on both the spiritual world as well as the everyday mundane life of not just of Jews, but in fact all of  Humanity.
How? One may ask?
 Chanukah always falls out on either our parsha Miketz or last week Vayeshev; sometimes it falls on both.
 We open the parsha where Yosef has been in prison for two years since interpreting the SAR HAMASHKIM- head butler’s dream. Yosef said to the butler after being right on the money in successfully interpreting his dream, “please don’t forget to use your connections in getting me out”. Perhaps, the butler forgot about him or it just wasn’t time. In any case Yosef withered away in jail an additional twenty four months. G-d is in charge of the time clock and when “He is good and ready”, then, it will take place.  Sometimes, we forget.
Anyone who tries to push off the moment will be pushed off by the moment. Anyone who is pushed off because of the moment, the moment will be pushed off for him. (Brochos 64a)
On an everyday level, this means don’t try to bring about desired results prematurely. As the Mishnah says:
Do not be contemptuous of any person, and don’t remove yourself from anything, for every person has his moment and everything has its place. (Pirkei Avos 4:2) which of course is rarely known to us in advance. Hence, it also says:
Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is G-d’s plan that prevails (Mishlei19:21). Patience is definitely a virtue, perhaps the most important one of all. It is amazing how far a little patience or impatience can go to change a moment, a life, lives, or even history. Usually, people are impatient when the moment calls for patience, but sometimes people can be too patient when the moment calls for a little impatience in order to put an early end to what eventually may become a disastrous situation. Everything is timing; even a joke has to be told at the right moment. The punch has to be delivered correctly or there’ll be a dead silence, every comedian’s nightmare.
A Rabbi took over a pulpit position in one of the New York’ communities. One of his congregants kept his store open on Shabbat. The Rabbi approached him and tried to reason that he should close up the shop arguing that there is no bracha -blessing from proceeds obtained on Shabbat. The congregant complained “it’s my busiest day”. After a few months, the Rabbi convinced the congregant that the bracha will come through the other days of the week. Finally, the congregant acquiesced. “Have Faith!!” the Rabbi smiled and said. Months passed by, and on every Friday the congregant would call and complain to the Rabbi that “I’m losing money!! I shouldn’t have listened to you”. Until, one day, the congregant approached the Rabbi and said “you know Rabbi; I received a huge order that made up for all those closed Saturdays”. The Rabbi said to the congregant “you see – it pays to have faith”. The congregant replied with an uncomfortable sigh of relief “yes, yes, G-d is great, however, He’s not very punctual”.
One has to ask: who owns time?
There is a fascinating incident about the famous commentator on the Chumash, the Abarbanel. He was one of the biggest Rabbis of his time. He was also, surprisingly, the finance minister of one of the super power countries of the time, Spain.
 We pray during the high holy days that “All of Israel is judged”. The question is asked, why the verse has to say “all of”. The verse would have been sufficient with “Israel is judged”. The Sages say that it’s coming to add the people who are deceased. How can that be – they have not done any mitzvoth? Once one passes away, he’s done!!
In the late 1400s, the Spanish Inquisition went into effect and the Jews were given the choice: leave, convert or die. Don Yitzchok Abarbanel packed his bags and left.
 In his introduction to one of his books which he wrote later in his life, he says that he regrets ever taking public office. He felt that he could have spent his time learning and teaching Torah. “The reason I stayed in office was to pass legislation to make Jews comfortable while learning Torah and even that didn’t happen”. Well, his wish indeed did happen! It happened 500 years later, though. Abarbanel was the finance minister who was responsible for financing Christopher Columbus’s voyage to America. Apparently, Columbus could not get any financial support from Italy, however, Abarbanel and Spain believed in his cause. The Jews and Torah prospered in the United States. Every time a Jew opens up an Artscroll Gemara in Central Park, Abarbanel gets his percentage of the learning 500 years later! Perhaps, G-d’s not punctual….better late than never!
The sin of the Golden Calf is a sin of a lack of patience. The Jewish People were waiting for Moshe to descend from Mt. Sinai and they thought that his descent had been delayed, “And the people saw that Moshe was late in descending from the mountain and the people crowded around Aaron and said to him, ‘Rise and make a god for us.'” It certainly wasn’t easy to wait for so long. Immediately after the revelation at Mt. Sinai, Moshe ascended the mountain, entered the fog where G-d was, and left us down below in tense expectation. Another day and another day went by, forty days had already passed, and our patience snapped. How much longer could we wait? Even the sages stated (as Rashi quotes) that before his ascent Moshe had told them that he would not return for another forty days. Yet, forty days had already passed and there was no sign of life from Moshe. What would be?
Apparently, G-d wanted to put us to the test of patience.
This was not the first time that a lack of patience had led to tragedy; neither would it be the last. In fact, historical tragedies as a whole seem to be the result of impulsiveness, and if people would just wait a little longer, everything would look completely different.
The first sin in the history of mankind stemmed from a lack of patience. If Adam and Eve had just waited a few more hours, until sunset on Friday evening, and the beginning of the first Shabbat, they would have been permitted to eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. But, it isn’t easy to wait; such a succulent fruit that looks so tempting just asks us to eat it right away; especially when the snake nags us that “nothing will happen.”
Even King David was no exception. The sages state, “Bathsheva was predestined for David, but he ate her unripe [i.e., he took her prematurely].” Instead of waiting patiently for her to be ready for him, like a sweet ripe fruit, he snatched and “ate” her like an unripe fruit and the bitter results speak for themselves.
The Jewish people had a tombustial relationship with The Master of The Universe to say the least. Just in the dessert alone we read parsha after parsha how G-d is angry- Moshe pleads and begs for the Lord to forgive and the cycle begins again.  Unfortunately, we -humans are not perfect and the seesaw relationship is all too common.
 The Jewish people are compared to the moon — sometimes their fate seems to darken and fade away but we are always confident that it will be renewed in the future. This too is a pattern that sometimes reflects our relationship with the Almighty. There are ups and downs. There are peaks and valleys. It waxes and it wanes. Rosh Chodesh demonstrates that there can be renewal. There can be a new moon. The moon returns. It can get bigger.
This is why Chanukah is connected with Rosh Chodesh. The whole theme of Chanukah is that the Jewish people’s relationship with G-d slackened; but then they came back and the relationship was fully renewed its previous level.  Just like the moon will reappear again, G-d will also shower us with happiness and joy. Nevertheless, that time will come when we hang on to our hats and have patience.
The Hebrew word for patience is “savlanut”, which also means “tolerance.” The same root gives rise to words that means “suffer” (sevel) and “burdens” (sivlot). We learn from this that patience is not a necessarily a pleasant experience. We should expect patience to be the hard work; we usually find it to be. That may mean enduring and tolerating, and the experience may even mean bearing a burden.
 If we were dividing up the parshiyos, we would probably not end the parsha in the middle of a story. What is this — a series? “To find out what happened to Binyamin…” Miketz leaves us sitting on the edge of our seats, waiting in anticipation to know the end of the story. Why doesn’t the Torah tell us what happens?
 The answer is that the Torah is teaching us a very important lesson. There are sometimes in life we need to ‘wait until next week’. Sometimes we need to wait until next week and sometimes we need to wait until next year and sometimes we need to wait until the next life. Things do not always become abundantly clear, certainly not instantaneously. That is what this lesson is about. That is why the climax of the story of Yosef and his brothers does not end in Parshas Miketz as it logically should.
 The Torah is sending us a message regarding how to deal with these types of troubles. The answer is that sometimes we have to wait to see how things will resolve

Jewish monarchy

February 11, 2016 Uncategorized No comments

 

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s  Baruch Dopelt, Yossi Bilius, Pinchas Winston, Asher Hurzberg and Dr. Abba Goldman

In our illustrious glorious past we’ve often yearned for the mashiach.  When we were in grade school we had to recite that “we believe whole heartedly that Mashiach is coming”. Mashiach this and Mashiach that. There have been many songs sung, manypsalms read, There even was a period where many of our people were killed for they thought that time had come and were careless, where they’re usually very careful,  in dealing with  gentiles arousing their  hostility and Anti-Semitism only to be disappointed with a false prophet.
 How ironic it is then, the proud Jews that we are, with our glorious past, the beautiful temple both past and future, that the Mashiach signs in through an undignified manor. We would never write a Hollywood script like this. Here, there is no poor or rich young couple who loves each other, have a baby (Mashiach), is allergic to kryptonite, and can’t keep him etc. It’s quite different script. One cannot complain “this movie is predictable -same formula”.
 Let us take a look at the relevant places in the Torah and perhaps, dig deep, learn some insights into the mashiach
This is where the Jewish monarch and the  Mashiach comes from……..
         Uncharacistaly, Yehuda, leader of the tribes visits  a prostitute, who is his daughter-in law in disguise. The Sages, say that the cohabitation of Yehuda, Tamar, his daughter in law, resulted in the inception of the Mashiach……Go Figure!! (Please see highlight section for full synopsis)
  One may ask, how can the Mashiach come in such a degrading way?
Wait there is more!
        *The seed of the Mashiach was also implanted in a bazar way by Lott,  Avrahams nephew, After the destruction of Sedom, Lott’s two surviving daughters believed that the world was destroyed. They devised a plan to seduce their father on back to back consecutive nights after getting him drunk where they will procreate and populate the world once again. Ruth, is a descendant of this union The oldest son/grandchild Moav is where Ruth, the grandmother of king David, comes from.
        * Boaz, a widower,  a leader and descendant  of the tribe of Yehudah marries Ruth, the convert, a widow herself to the childless son of Elimelech, a descendant of Yehuda as well.  The courtship was strange, Ruth appear that night on the threshing floor  to be as close as possible to the fields at a critical time in the harvest. Niomi, her mother in law, instructs Ruth to uncover Boaz’s feet so as to wake him and set the process of “yibum” in motion. Pretty odd isn’t it. The union between Boaz and Ruth was in question for A Israelite is forbidden to marry from Moav. Boaz died the next morning after their wedding night and Ruth gave up her child to Niomi to raise.
         *King David marries Bat-Sheva in one of the most controversial union in our history. Did he usher Bat Sheva’s husband to the battlefield in what was presumably a death wish? The marriage between David and Bat-Sheva produced King Shlomo
This is our royal past?
 In our current mindset or Western mentality we, perhaps, will entertain the thought of the Mashiach having that kind of introduction for  we have grown accustom to a very promiscuous nature. The media has etched in our minds the kind of sexual provocation daily. Car commercials, game shows and even real estate ads come with a door prize and a smiley attractive female or male model. Television, no matter how PG it is full of sexual innuendos. Let’s not forget the advancement of the internet….GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!
 Furthermore, as we Jews moved around the world we are constantly reminded through our neighbors about their immodest appetite way of life. We were the only Jews living on the block, in my childhood home in Rego Park. It was a predominantly Irish neighborhood and it was difficult to stay focused even as a very young Yeshiva grade school student with the immodest dress of my non-Jewish neighbors. What’s an orthodox boy doing living in this part of the world?
Interestingly, if one notices our biggest test growing up before entering our young adult, where then we are introduced to inflated egos, pursuit of money, keeping religion, is to watch our brit. There is a tremendous insurgence or wave of desire where hormones are flying uncontrollably when entering the teenage years.
This is our mundane life of today where the western culture has a tremendous influence. However, why has the Torah have to introduce the Jewish monarch and future Mashiash in a degrading way. Golden Yerushalayim and its purity should be left alone. Why drag it to such shmutz?
Furthermore, why is the topic of Erva-  promiscuity associated with the kingdom. Why not murder? Jealousy?
Lets examine an aspect of brit milah where then perhaps we might understand the topic of mashiach a little more clearer.
  Adam HaRishon was created circumcised, as it says, “God created man in His image …” (Bereishis 2:5). Avot d’Rav Nossan 2:5
Rav Yitzchak said, [Adam] caused his foreskin to be extended [and cover his circumcision]. Sanhedrin 38b
Interestingly, this is what the Greek Jews were a custom to do in the time of Chanukah. They were ashamed that they were different then the Goyim. The sexual revolution was influencing the world….sounds familiar. It was custom to remove your cloths entirely in many social functions. The Greeks believed in exposing the beautiful body. However the Jews, because of their brit had a different look, were ashamed.
The Greeks put a spiritual barrier between the Jews and their G-d. In Hebrew the growth of foreskin is called  Orlah. This was the  mistake of Adam. For, whether we are talking about “Orlat HaLeiv” (uncircumcised heart), “Orel S’fataim “(uncircumcised lips), or “Orlah” from a tree (fruits of the third year), the word Orlah always implies a spiritual “barrier” between man and God which has to be removed.
There are two aspects of the mitzvah referred to in the verse. Firstly, Milah is a sign of the covenant between Avraham and God; secondly, Milah is to take place on the eighth day from birth. We should take note of the point in the Parsha at which the Mitzvah is commanded after Avraham’s successful routing of the Canaanite kings. It’s no coincident that saving Lott, his nephew, who holds the seed for part of the Mashiach, is a precursor for brit milah.
 When Avraham  placed his faith in G-d for his physical sustenance, he demonstrated his unwavering commitment to live above nature. As a result, he was provided with the means to remove all the Orlos Adam’s mistake had brought to mankind. This is the Bris Milah which is performed on the eighth day (eight always symbolizes the spiritual, supernatural realm, as we see through Chanukah as well).
Why was Bris Milah so important to history? As the following reveals, it is the source of Malchut (of kingship), and therefore, the Final Redemption.
And Yosef said to his brothers, ” ‘Please come near to me,’ and they came near to him and he said . . .” (Bereishis 45:4). Why did he call them if they were already next to him? Because when he told them, “I am Yosef your brother” (Ibid.), they were in shock to see his royal position. He told them that his royalty was a direct result of this. (Zohar 1:93b)
What was Yosef referring to? The Zohar explains:
” ‘Please come near to me,’ and they came near to him”: He showed them that he upheld Bris Milah, saying, “By keeping this intact, I was able to attain royal status.” From here we learn that whomever keeps this sign intact will merit royalty. (Ibid.)
In other words, Yosef was saying that his royal status had been conferred upon him by Heaven for having resisted the advances of his master’s wife, Aishet Potiphar. Such intimacy would have been forbidden to him, and though he had been tempted at the time, in the end he had overcome his yetzer hara and had run out of the house, risking her vicious retribution that followed.
However, the Zohar is not finished yet, and backs up its statement with the following:
From where else do we know this? From Boaz, as it says, “As Hashem lives, lie down until the morning” (Rus3:13). His evil inclination was enticing him, so he made this oath to keep his bris intact. (Ibid.)
In other words, while he was secluded with Ruth, he desired her then. However, intimacy with her then was improper, and therefore he made the oath to safeguard himself against a sinful relationship. If she was to be his wife, Boaz reasoned with himself, it had to be after all the halachic conditions had been satisfied. Thus the Zohar concludes:
The world is called an OLAM. Interestingly OLAM means hidden. What is hidden? G-d is hidden and he is hidden throughout the world. Interestingly the more we do G-d’s commandments the more vision and clear the world looks.
This OLAM is like a game. A game similar to “Wheel of Fortune”, where one has to turn over the puzzle board and therefore making the entire board clearer. The board is pretty large it encompasses the entire world.   The mission of the Jewish people over the last 3,300 years, the Jewish role in history and the essence of the concept of the Chosen People – a people chosen for the responsibility of teaching the world about one God and absolute morality. But there is much left to do before the vision the Jewish people saw at Mount Sinai becomes a world reality. The Jews have always believed that they have a key role to play in bringing this vision to fruition. We are to create a society based on a God-given standard of morality that will serve as the model for the rest of humanity to emulate – to be “a light unto the nations.”
When we look back on the vast sweep of the last four thousand years we see how significantly the Jewish people have directly and indirectly affected humanity.
The Jewish monarch represents the Jewish people. He rules with justice and mercy. It’s his mission to guide and to turn over the most impure  part of life and manifest it to a source of kedusha. G-d chose the very organ that is the source of life, which can also be chosen to use for the basest acts, as the site to be sanctified with circumcision. This gives us the profound message that we can use every physical drive for holy purposes.
 Chanukah always falls out during this time of the year where days are short and nights are at its longest. It is our mission to light the candles, to bring light in to the darkness, to see things more clear, to flip the puzzle board, to transform an illicit moment to the spiritual.
Interestingly the menorah is lit by Jews in public showcase all over the world….may we, the chosen people continue to make this world more clear.

Clarity: Pro’s and Con’s in the Jewish family

March 19, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of  Rabbi’s, Berel Wein, Yossi bilus, Ozer Alport also contributing Dr. Mirriam Adahan  a psychologist, therapist, author and founder of EMETT (“Emotional Maturity Established Through Torah”)-a network of self-help groups
This week’s parsha marks another new beginning in our public reading and personal understanding of the Torah. Whereas the first two books of the Torah are mainly narrative in nature and content, with personal stories of our forefathers, the book of Vayikra is mainly a book of laws and commandments and of the nature of purity and impurity, sacrificial offerings and priestly obligations.
   An interesting question arises as to why the book is called “Vayikra”= “And He called” (And G-d called Moshe). Perhaps, it would be best to call it “Sacrifices” or “Atonement”. It doesn’t make sense that the book is named “And He called”.
For the almost 40 years in the desert G- d had spoken only to Moshe. Moshe would then deliver G-d’s words to the people accurately without additions or deletions. Following the delivery of the exact words G-d had spoken, Moshe would then elaborate and explain the meaning and application of G-d’s words. Matan Torah (Revelation-when we received the Torah) was the single exception. Matan Torah was the only time the nation heard G-d speak without the human buffer of Moshe’s ministry. This meant that for the better part of 40 years the Jews had to extend to Moshe absolute trust. They had to trust that the words he delivered to them were absolutely the same as the ones G-d had spoken to him.
It seems like there is a strong reliance of important information that had to be presented to the children of Israel. Therefore, it might be a splendid idea to explore the importance of the power of communication.
When one voices his opinion, is he understood?  It’s frustrating at times, when one expresses himself and he’s not being conveyed correctly. I believe, many of us have gone through that experience at one point or another. Perhaps, not being understood with mundane matters is simply, just an annoyance; however one can only hope, that the more important feelings are expressed fully to the highest degree. This is a frequent problem when there is a culture gap between parents and children or teachers and students.  However, even with one’s “own kind”, misunderstanding can be a dilemma.
 
Interestingly, one of the most famous routines, in American culture, by the 1940’s-50’s comedy team of Abbot and Costello, called “who’s on first”, involves misunderstanding. It was so popular; the routine was performed in front of the president of the United States, at the time. In the routine Abbot gives instruction how to play the game of baseball, by describing the position players.  He starts off by saying “who is on first, what’s on second and I don’t know is on third”. It seems like he’s not familiar with the players’ names however, Abbot is, in actuality really mentioning the names of the players. The name of the first basemen is indeed “Who”; the name of the second basemen is indeed “Whats”; the third basemen name is “Idontno”. It frustrates Costello to no end.
 It’s one of the most brilliant comedy routines ever made but, in reality, it is not a laughing matter. In essence we are laughing at ourselves. Perhaps, that is the reason for its popularity; it’s too close to home. We spend pain staking time and money, by taking courses, to make ourselves clear so we should not be misunderstood. It is said: “whoever has clarity, he possesses a gift!”
 We see from the Torah how a misunderstanding can be detrimental to our existence.
This communication gap is demonstrated very sharply when Rachel, Yaakov’s beloved wife, sees that her sister Leah keeps delivering one child after another, she turns to him with an impossible request:
“Grant me children or I will die.”
The enraged and perplexed Yaakov answers:
“Can I assume G-d’s role? He is the one who prevented you from having children.”
Rachel then goes on to offer him her maidservant as a surrogate mother and the issue seems to have been settled, but the Midrash (scriptures from our Sages) does not let Yaakov off the hook that easily:
G-d told Yaakov: “Is this a way to answer a woman in distress? I swear that one day your sons are going to plead for their lives from her son!”
The Midrash is based on the reappearance in Bereshit(50:19) of Yaakov’s three first words, this time said by Yosef, his son from Rachel, to his sons from his other wives:
This conversation took place after Yaakov’s burial. The brothers feared that now that Yaakov is gone, Yosef is going to take revenge for the suffering they inflicted on him, to which he answered: “Fear not! Can I assume G-d’s role?”

The Midrash claims that Yaakov’s punishment for the inappropriate way of speaking with Rachel was the sibling rivalry that tore his family apart and eventually humbled his children from Leah, Bilha, and Zilpa, as they had to bow down to Rachel’s own son, Yosef.

Before Rachel comes to speak to her husband, she is engulfed in feelings of sadness and frustration seeing that she has no children, whereas Leah, the once rejected wife, now has a seat of honor as the mother of Yaakov’s growing family. She feels estranged and alienated and she doesn’t see in her husband’s eyes the same sparkle that was there before.

She decides to let her husband to father a child through her maid, a common practice in the Ancient Near East, already tried by Sarah and Avraham, but first she wants to know that he understands her, that he has compassion for her.
She wants to convey her emotional turmoil to him and does it with full force:
“Grant me children, or else I’ll die!”
Perhaps, she was simply saying that without her husband’s love, and being outdone by Leah, she is as good as dead.

What Yaakov heard, however, was: “You are responsible for my sterility! Solve my problem!”
He cannot solve it, and he says it: “Can I assume G-d’s role? He is the One who prevented you from having children.”
These words hit her like a sack of bricks. Even though he meant that it is G-d, and not him, who is responsible for her situation and there is nothing he can do, no solution he can offer, she heard the emphasis on the word – you. “YOU are the one who has no children” the words explode in her ears “I already have children”. As Rashi puts it:
“I have children, G-d has made YOU, and not me, sterile”.

Yaakov should have said: “I know how you feel.” She would have retaliated with: “No, you don’t. You have your children, and as a man you will never know what it means to be barren.” He would have answered: “You are right, but I remember how my mother’s eyes would fill with tears when she spoke about the twenty first years of her marriage, years of solitude, longing and despair.”
Only after commiserating with a woman, is the man allowed exploring possible solutions. Yaakov might have directed the conversation towards her thoughts on what should be done, and she would probably say that he should pray for her, spend more time with her.

It was a terrible misunderstanding and miscommunication which led to much strife in the family, and possibly even to the exile in Egypt. It is also an important lesson to all of us, to be better listeners and to try first to understand our conversational partner and only then offer, if applicable and necessary, a solution.

DIRECT COMMUNICATION

We learn much from Yehuda’s ability to be a leader. Immediately before Yosef’s dramatic confession that he is his brother, Yehuda steps up to the plate to confront Yosef.  
In Yehuda’s entire passionate address to Yosef (Gen. 44:18-34), he added no information or arguments which weren’t already known to Yosef. What was his intention in reiterating the information to Yosef, and what did he hope to accomplish by doing so?
The Bet HaLevi explains that Yehuda realized that the brothers’ original interactions with Yosef seemed bizarre and mystifying. They told him that they came to buy grain, and he responded that they were spies. They answered that they were honest, and he told them that now they had proven his claim that they were spies. Since Yosef’s responses didn’t seem to correspond to the brothers’ statements, it occurred to Yehuda that perhaps the miscommunication was due to the translator, who wasn’t accurately relaying to Yosef the content of what the brothers had said, but was instead fabricating statements which they had never made.
In order to clarify whether this was the case, Yehuda asked for permission to review the entire dialogue directly in the ears of Yosef, without the involvement of the translator. In order to preempt Yosef from responding that he didn’t understand the Hebrew language that they spoke, Yehuda stated that Yosef was like Pharaoh. If Yosef would now claim to be unfamiliar with their language, this would imply that Pharaoh didn’t know it as well, an inference which would be disrespectful to Pharaoh and therefore forbidden to make.
 We see the importance, on Yehuda’s part to clarify. One has to take lesson and not let the moment depart without clarity. Here, Yehuda put his foot down and made waves in order to do so. Although, there were different circumstances for Yehuda to do so then it was at a time for Rachel. The common denominator is that they both were under tremendous pressure. Yehuda’s Olam Haba-entrance in the next world was at stake because Benyamin’s, whom he swore to return unscathed, life, was as good as dead if he remained a prisoner in Egypt. Rachel’s pain and anguish, though, of not having children was enormous!!!
So we see the importance to go against the grain of life and to be supersensitive to make sure situations are not clouded.
 In our efforts, though, to clarify and not be misunderstood we can come across some difficulties. Many Psychologists urge people to, “Share your feelings,” and “Talk it out until the problem is resolved.” However, this advice can be disastrous! Not everyone values emotional honesty. Not everyone has time to listen. And a lot of people will use your personal information against you!
The reality is that not everyone is capable of “hearing” and empathizing. In fact, empathy is a rare quality, which depends on one’s personality type.
According to the Myers-Briggs personality system – people are either dominant Thinkers or dominant Feelers. Thinking types (60% of men and of 40% women) have little interest in the world of feelings. They feel no urge to share personal feelings and are irritated and bored by those who do. They often do not even know what they feel and may not care. They are focused on functioning, not feeling. In fact, they feel more powerful and in control when they do not expose their feelings. In contrast, Feeling types (60% women, 40% men) are concerned with their feelings and distressed if they cannot share them. When these two types get together, there is likely to be a lot of mutual frustration, because each has demands which the other cannot meet.
One also has to be aware, when sharing will overwhelm others. It is “immodest” to share strong feelings of grief, fear or rage, especially around children, who need to see adults as a source of security and strength. To expose these feelings is just as immodest as exposing parts of the body which should be kept covered if the other person is incapable of receiving your pain with empathy and compassion.
Therefore we have to balance the ability to clarify without imposing on others, and divulging, information that can hurt us and our loved ones!!
 The Book of Vayikra is called its name because its intrinsic complex laws need one to deliver the proper accurate detail. One person that’s trustworthy, that did not misunderstand G-d’s message and will not be misunderstood is Moshe.
Moreover, was the nation’s response at the time of Matan Torah. “…You (Moshe) speak to us and we will listen and do not let G-d speak, we are afraid that we will die.” In essence, at Matan Torah, the nation willingly relinquished a degree of control they otherwise would have had over the validation of G- d’s word. By asking that Moshe act as the intermediary between themselves and G-d they proclaimed their willingness to trust Moshe to faithfully deliver the word of G-d. Moreover than that was the implicit trust that they would listen to Moshe even if he had chosen to alter the word of G-d.
From that moment and on, because of their choice and because of their eventual sin, the nation did not hear G-d speak again. In its place they were given the prophecy of Moshe and the ongoing manifestation of G-d’s will in the universe through natural law and miracles. In its stead, G-d gave them exactly what they had requested. Moshe would speak and they would hear the word of G-d through him

Relationship between parents and children

December 29, 2014 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s  Yissachar Frand , Yossi Bilus,  Yitzchak Aminov and Dr. Abba Goldman

 

 

There are two powerful questions that must be addressed to kick off this article. We all know, or should know, the first. It’s probably the most asked about question pertaining to one of the most famous memorable lines in the Torah. As a matter of fact: when one defines a “dramatic pause” in the Webster’s Dictionary this is it! It’s as dramatic as you can get. However, before we begin, let’s first start with a little background:

 

BACKGROUND

Yosef has become the second in command of the most powerful nation in the world, Egypt. The world is in the midst of a famine and Egypt is the epics-center to purchase food. Egypt has been placed in a very good position of “provider” thanks to Yosef, whose advice, through interpreting Pharaoh’s dream, was dead on target.

As a matter of fact, even Yosef’s brothers traveled to Egypt to purchase food due to the desperate state they were facing.

The brothers, out of jealousy, sold Yosef into slavery against his will, obviously, and have not seen him for twenty two years. As they’re introduced to their long lost brother, the Viceroy, the high in command, who is in charge of distributing food, whom they didn’t recognize, Yosef acts cold to them. They haven’t a clue that it’s him.  As the story develops Yosef congers up a plan placing their youngest brother, Benyamin, in which Yosef shared the same mother, Rachel, and was very close to, in jail. Yosef orchestrated the alleged theft framing his younger brother in order to test the brothers’ loyalty towards Benyamin, hoping they’ve learned their lesson.

 

QUESTIONS

1) After Yosef’s dialogue with his brothers reached its climax, he finally breaks down and says “I am Yosef — Is my father still alive?” [Bereshit 45:3] All the commentaries ask an obvious question: the entire dialogue between Yosef and his brothers was centered on their father. Yaakov had been the constant focus of Yosef’s questions and the brothers’ responses. So why does Yosef ask again if his father is still alive?

2) Once one examines the back and forth tense talk, between Yosef and Yehuda they’ll realize something odd on Yehuda’s defensive attack, the leader of the brothers and personal guarantor that Benyamin will return unscathed back to his father.

As Yehudah is making his impassioned plea to the Viceroy in Egypt (who he did not yet realize was his brother Yosef) to release Binyamin, he made the argument — “How can you not let him go? If his father finds out that he did not return, he will not be able to survive!” The Chiddushei HaRim points out that at that time, Binyamin had 10 children. Why did Yehudah not use the argument — how can you not let Binyamin go, you will leave 10 orphans!! They will not be able to survive without their father?

 

Rabbi Yissachar Frand brings out an unfortunate problem in today’s society.   Many of us can be seduced by the mighty Dollar. As a result some of our children do not receive the love which they need. One may ask. What does making money have to do with loving your children? Their parents are too busy making money by working 12, 14, or 16 hours a day to have time for their children. The parents are using the “land of opportunity” to the maximum at the expense of alienating their children. My mother, an immigrant of this country, would always say their family of five was much happier living in a two room apartment than today’s America where the privileged, each child has a separate wing with their own private bathrooms, but minimum contact with parents. Where is the love? Giving individual attention to each child is vital in their growth. We often hear this from parents when children go in the wrong path. “I don’t understand I provided him with everything”. Yeah, everything but attention!

Rabbi Frand brings an interesting true story, which explains Yosef’s question.

There was once a student whose father had deserted his family. This sort of student often causes a lot of problems for a teacher. He was totally “turned off” to everything. The teacher tried to become close to the child. He invited the child over to his house. Nothing helped. The child just sat there in class and did not participate.

As is unfortunately the case with teachers sometimes, the teacher was prepared to write this child off. “Put him in the back of the class; let him just sit there. Hopefully he will absorb some of what is being taught. I gave it my best shot; there is nothing more I can do.” And so that is what the teacher did.

For about half a year, the child just sat and ‘vegetated’. Finally, the class started Parshat VaYigash. They learned the dialogue between Yosef and the brothers. Then they learned the verse “I am Yosef — is my father still alive?” The Rebbe asked our question to the students — what does Yosef mean by this question?

This child from the back of the classroom, the one who had not participated for half the year, raised his hand and gave this incredibly poignant interpretation: “Yosef is saying, ‘I know that YOUR father is still alive, but is MY father still alive? Has my father given up on me? I have been away from home; I have been in a strange land for 22 years; is MY father still alive? Do I still have a father who cares about ME?'”

That child was not only asking Yosef’s question. He was asking his own question. Sometimes we have children who in different ways and in different forms are asking “Is my father still alive?” “Does my father still care about me?”

Children are very sensitive; they want to be loved by their parents to the highest degree. They are dependent on their mother and father. I would like to share an astonishing feeling I had when my father past away. When he left this world I felt abandoned. Surprisingly, I was forty one and leading my own family!! Even though, I was taking care of him the last ten years of his life I still felt he was taking care of me. My feelings of abandonment, is shared by many.

 We see how super-sensitive one is at forty one; can one imagine a child, a teen?

Rabbi Yossi Bilus brings a story where a friend of the family asked three brothers what was their best part of the trip to Israel. Interestingly, each one had a different answer, even though they are similar in age. One brother said “a trip to the Western Wall”; one said “a trip to Kever Rachel” and the last, sheepishly said “a trip to the mall”.

After carefully examining each trip, the friend of the family discovered on each occasion where the sons had the best time, seemingly the father happened to take each individually on that particular outing and had their own “father and son” time alone. They each received their undivided attention from their father. That is what made it a special moment.

Many children emulate their parents, whether it is at the present time or at a latter age. Perhaps, this is the best sign of endearment; perhaps, this is the optimal sign of respect. Perhaps, this is the highest sign of love.

However there is a major contradiction to what is said above. The Shalo”h Hakodesh writes a concept (which is also found in secular circles): One parent can take care of ten children but ten children cannot take care of one parent. The Chiddushei HaRim finds a source for this idea in this week’s parsha. When Yehudah made his impassioned plea to the Viceroy in Egypt (who he did not yet realize was his brother Yosef) to release Binyamin, he made the argument — “How can you not let him go? If his father finds out that he did not return, he will not be able to survive!” The Chiddushei HaRim points out that at that time, Binyamin had 10 children. Why did Yehudah not use the argument — how can you not let Binyamin go, you will leave 10 orphans!!!  They will not be able to survive without their father? Apparently, says Chiddushei HaRim, 10 children can somehow manage without a father, but a father cannot manage without one of 10 remaining sons.

This concept that a father’s attachment to his children is stronger than the children’s attachment to their father is the source for the Shaloh’s comment and for the similar concept that circulates in the world at large.

Our children love us and respect us, etc., but it is not the same as our love for them. Rabbi Frand once saw a very interesting explanation for this phenomenon. Every single human emotion that exists is something we received from Adam, the first human being. Adam had children and therefore he had in him the emotion of a parent’s love for his children. However, Adam did not have a father. He is the only person in the history of the world who did not have parents. Consequently, the emotion of love of child for parent was something he did not possess. It was an acquired skill developed in later generations, but it never had the strong genetically passed down roots that existed in the emotion of love towards children, which is innate in our personalities.

For this reason, Yehudah recognized that the stronger argument for the release of Binyamin would be “his father can’t survive his loss” rather than “his children will not be able to survive his loss.”

 Dr. Abba Goldman – psychologist from Yeshiva Chaffetz Chaim adds, although Yaacov received reassurance from G-d that the genealogy of Yaacov will continue and not assimilate what was a strong incentive to go down to Egypt was reuniting with Yosef. This is the main reason Yaacov was lured to Egypt. Yaacov needed to see his beloved son.

The good Doctor continues; “It’s a natural instinct that kids gravitate towards independence.  Unfortunately, as they build their own lives, the role of dependency tend to reverse. Dr. Goldman says the commandment “Honoring your father and your mother” is not so simple. Many have a misconception about this commandment; it’s the least understood; they think – it primary pertains to children. On the contrary, dealing with old and cranky parents is the big test of “honoring”. However, one must prioritize and not let their “Honoring” impinge, to a large extent, on their relationship with their spouse and children”.

The question is who loves whom more: the parents or the children.

Rav Eliyahu Dessler writes in Michtav Eliyahu – it’s obviously the parents. The parents have given to the children most of their lives and there is a concept “the more you give – the more you love”. Even though there might be a degree of dependency at an old age, however, the parents, by and large have been the caretakers since the inception.

It’s very hard to fulfill the commandment of honoring one’s parents, especially when they’re old and cranky. Especially, when one has the pressure of raising young children, a demanding wife and bills mounting endlessly. Many of us take pride in honoring parents; however, on occasion our patience is tested.

Once, a son took his frustrations to an extreme.

 After his mother’s passing, the son moved the father in with him. He, Baruch Hashem, had a growing family. The father had some medical issues, but the son with the right care took care of it. But juggling family, work and an elderly father, who seemed like was blessed with longevity, became too challenging over the years. The loyal son became very impatient. Medical insurance was not covering all of the old man’s expenses. No matter how prosperous and modern thinking this country can be, it seems like it’s not prepared for the elderly. The son found himself behind the eight ball, in debt.

Pressure makes a person think irrationally. He decided to take some time off. As a child, the father would always take him camping. The stressed out son decided to take his father for a ride to the mountains. Rest and relaxation is therapeutic sometimes. The road was extremely and dangerously narrow and he had to drive carefully. As he was reaching his destination, an impulsive, horrifying idea surfaced.  The son thought, “here is my opportunity” as they were camped at the edge of the mountain. Still he decided to see his father’s face one last time before he commits his act of desperation. He was taken aback seeing his father with a smile. Knowing that his father was a very smart man, he curiously asked, “Pop, why are you smiling?” The father answered back, “I did the same thing to my father”.

The son felt a cold chill as he realized that how one treats one’s parent is how he will be treated. Quickly, he took he father out of danger.

The relationship between parents and children is a very important one. One often mimics their exchanges that they experienced with parents with their own kids therefore it’s very important that one gets it right the first time or we can  see a repeat flaw for generations.

I want the Bracha First!!!

January 30, 2014 Jewish Values No comments

This article was constructed with the help of Dr. Robert Goldman, Psychologist of Yeshiva Chaffetz Chaim and Rabbi’s Baruch Dopelt, Eliezer Finkleman, Yitzchak Aminov

Who doesn’t want to receive a bracha from their beloved father or grandfather? It’s a big honor. One gets a feeling of warmth and an awareness that the bracha has been passed down for many generations, for thousands of years. It’s beautiful!!

 

 

Interestingly, though, what happens when the beloved patriarch wants to give a more important bracha to your younger sibling? How would you feel? Would you feel slighted?  Does one still have that warm feeling?

 

 

We have an ancient tradition, and many would say, one of the most beautiful customs in Jewish life is for parents to bless their children at the start of the Friday night Shabbat meal. What makes it more important is it’s done at Shabbat table which is designed to be the grand stage for family communication and family love, especially in todays fast pace lifestyle where one doesn’t communicate with his family all week.  Girls receive the blessing: “May God make you like the matriarchs Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah.” Boys, meanwhile, are blessed “to be like Ephraim and Menashe.”
What happened to the patriarchs Abraham, Isaac and Jacob?! Why were Ephraim and Menashe chosen instead as the subjects of this important tradition?

 

 

In this week’s parsha, the last in the book of Sefer Bereshit, we see a very interesting pattern, the rejection of the first-born. When Yosef brought his two sons for a blessing from Yaacov, his father, who was old and ready to pass on, he did something very peculiar. Yaacov crossed his arms so that Efraim, who was the youngest, would be under his right hand and Menashe, who was older and purposely placed by Yosef at his grandfather’s right, got the left. Yaacov, who emphasized that Menashe also received a nice bracha, gave the more important blessing to Efraim.

 

We see through history that the first born, the well-respected elder, receives double the inheritance, losing, on many occasions, the status in which he inherited. This was apparent in the first generation of the world; Cain was the oldest; however Hevel got the reward. We know that Shem, (where our ancestors come from) one of three sons of Noach, was not the first-born. Abraham passed the baton to Isaac, the youngest, and not to Yishmael. The same is said about Isaac’s sons, Eisav, who was the bechor, but Yaacov was the brother chosen. Reuben, the eldest of the twelve tribes, neither got the first-born rights, the kingdom nor the kehuna (high priest).

 

 

First and foremost, the Torah is trying to emphasize that even though the first-born has changed the status of man and has made him a father of this precise bechor, nevertheless, the bechor has to earn the benefits that has been bestowed upon him. There’s no freebee; no job is safe. Apparently, it’s a demanding role and has to be maintained to the highest standard, or else he loses it.

 

 

There is a puzzling question: Okay, we learn “one has to earn his brownie points and nothing is a freebee” from the tragic story of Cain and Hevel, but the Torah keeps on harping the same pattern over and over. Why? We learned the lesson. Perhaps one didn’t get it the first time, so the Torah wants to accommodate those slow thinkers and present similar storyline; possibility?

 

Ephraim and Menashe represent a break from this pattern. This explains why Yaacov purposely switched his hands, blessing the younger Ephraim before the older Menashe:  there was no
resentment from Menashe. He was ok with it!!  There was no jealousy; he didn’t feel slighted. This was a tremendous revelation. Yaacov wished to emphasize the point that with these siblings, there is no rivalry. For this reason Menashe and Efraim both received their own tribe. They were the only grandchildren to receive this recognition. It was a tremendous act of respect on Yaacov’s part to give them such honor. He knew what refined character they both had.

        The book of Bereshit concludes with the positive unity of Menashe and Ephraim as one of its lead story. After all the sibling rivalry which we encountered, mankind finally got it right. For this reason, the Torah goes out of its way in the beginning of the second book of Shemot, to relay a conversation between G-d and Moshe pertaining Moshe’s appointment  as leader of the Israelites. Moshe was concerned that his older brother will be slighted. He was afraid he would be humiliated. After all, he was the leader of the nation until that point. Although Aharon did nothing wrong as leader, it was evident, one didn’t need to be a rocket scientist to realize Moshe was born with unusual gifts and was destined to be the redeemer.  We see Aharon’s greatness was to recognize Moshe’s ability and to realize he would be best for the nation of Israel. Aharon was happy to step down. It was totally a selfless and courageous act.

        One has to realize that it’s not so simple to overcome such a test. In fact, it’s one of the CHULSHAT ENOSH human weaknesses. There are a number of very interesting stories in our history pertaining to this test.

        The great HILLEL came to Israel from Babylonia. His activity of forty years likely covered the period of 30 BC to 10 AD. As soon as he came, everyone realized how great he was. He answered all the questions that was presented to him and knew all the Jewish discourses that was presented to him cold. It seemed like Shmaya and Avtalyon, the leading Rabbis, also realized that he was far greater than they. In response to his presence they resigned their position as leading Rabbis, relinquishing the mantle of leadership to him. A generation later the famous Rabbi Yehuda the NASI-prince, the leader of the Jews of his generation and the author of the Mishna said it would be most difficult, for me, to give up the position of president. I would not be able to relinquish the honor. Kol Hakavod to Shmaya  and Avtalyon for placing the welfare of the Jewish people in front of their life time achievements, goals and pride.

        Being the leading Rabbi has always been in the forefront throughout our history. In every corner of the world the head Rabbi was traditionally always recognized as the authority. It commands tremendous respect but with it he takes upon himself tremendous responsibility.

 

        In the 1700’s, there was a large Jewish community in Prague headed by Rabbi Yechezkel Laundau. The position of head Rabbi was traditionally chosen by vote. Rabbi Laundau narrowly beat out Rabbi Zorach, who was also tremendous Torah scholar. Rabbi Zorach was not satisfied. He felt he would be the better choice in serving the community. On the first Shabbat of Rabbi Laudau’s new position, Rabbi Zorach asked him a question in front of the congregation that he could not answer. It was clearly an embarrassing moment right at the start of his tenure. He came home and cried himself to sleep. His father, who had passed away some time ago, came to him in a dream where Rabbi Laundau disclosed to him his anguish over the question asked by Rav Zorach. His father said “Son you will find the answer of the question in the Tosfot in this particular tractate of the Talmud,” disclosing the page. The next morning sure enough the answer was there. He then showed it to Rav Zorach who himself was not aware of the Tosfot answer. He then asked him “how did you figure out the answer?” When he found out about his father coming to him from the next world to give him the answer and save face in front of the congregation, he rationalized if the other world is interfering with matters of this world and providing answers so Rav Laundau can keep his position then perhaps this is what the heavens want; this is what is suppose to be. He then gave up the quest to overthrow Rabbi Laundau and eventually became a staunch supporter of him.

        Rav Zorach could have rationalized the situation differently. We tend to look at everything to our favor. If man develops a liking to a certain view, he can make a straight line look crooked.

        It’s too simplistic to blame the individual alone for being selfish. It’s a lot more complex. One has many pressures. On occasion, the wife and other family members get involved, egging the person not to give up. Perhaps they would feel slighted by the individual not being chosen. One, at times, succumbs to pressure.  What starts out as a sincere project often ends up as an egotistical struggle; it’s scary, however, we tend to be drawn in to this natural human nature deficiency.

        One of the most sensitive person that I have ever met, who worked and stressed good character traits was the Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva Chaffetz Chaim Rav Henoch Liebowitz t’zl.

        At his Eulogy, one of the eulogizers said something mind boggling. He quoted Rav Henoch saying that “the toughest decision that I ever made was to pass over the position of Rosh Yesiva to his own chosen heir apparent.”

        Here is a man well into his eighties knowing well he cannot function as the head Rabbi because of health issues, has difficulty giving up the mantle.

        It’s not so easy!!

        We now can appreciate and acknowledge that Menashe was a remarkable human being and the same can be said of Aharon.

Why do we have to cover our eyes when we say the Shema?

January 30, 2014 G-d and Us, Tefilla/ Prayer No comments
Brief background: Shema is the famous prayer we say four times a day; twice in the morning, once in the evening, and once at bedtime. We cover our eyes and recite the passage. Why?

 

We find in this week’s parsha when Yaacov met his beloved son, Yosef, after 22 years, when he thought he was dead, Yosef emotionally embraced him while Yaacov was so grateful to G-d that he recited the Shema. The concept behind Shema is that the whole body has to be emerged in the dedication to G-d. Symbolically, we are expressing it by covering our right hand on our eyes. The hand has five fingers representing our whole body. Instinctively, each finger covers its own territory.

 

* Thumb – instinctively cleans the mouth area
* Index finger – instinctively cleans the nose
* Middle finger – instinctively scratches the back area
* Ring finger – cleans the eyes
* Pinky, little finger – instinctively cleans the ears

 

When we say the Shema, it’s usually deep into the prayers where the concentration is intense. So when we do cover our eyes, this thought pattern should be applied.

Qualities We Should All Have and A Leader Most Certainly Have…

January 28, 2014 Chanuka, Jewish Values, Sensitivity To Others No comments
        What president, prime minister, rabbi, community leader would you vote for? What qualities should he/she have?
        Let’s look at the weekly parsha, Mikeitz, our current holiday, Chanukah, and this week’s anniversary of a tragic event in order to fully understand what we look for, and should look for, in a leader.
        YOSSEF THE DREAMER….was that his claim to fame? We see he became a leader for interpreting Pharaoh’s dream but what propelled him to be considered a leader?
        This past week we commemorate the 50th anniversary of the assassination of John F Kennedy, who was the President of the United States at the time.

        A new national poll finds John F. Kennedy is the most popular president of the last half century. The CNN/ORC International survey found 90 percent of all Americans approve of how Kennedy handled his job as president. No other president of the last half century even comes close. However if one looks at his accomplishments during his short tenure as president its mediocre at best. So why was he so popular?

        Granted,, Kennedy’s untimely end may play a part in his popularity. He’s become enshrined as a martyr, particularly in Democratic households. But William McKinley was another popular, energetic president cut down by an assassin’s bullet. He faded from the popular mind in a way JFK has not.

        Kennedy had style but not substance. A poll was taken of the radio listeners and television viewers of his presidential debate with Richard Nixon. The radio listeners of the debate favored Nixon; those who watched on television thought Kennedy won. True, much of the adulation for Kennedy during his life and since, originated in arguably superficial attributes; his youth, personal attractiveness and sophistication and many of us are seduced by those traits. The country was hypnotized by his Hollywood looks and his beautiful young family and he took advantage of the media any chance he got. His press conferences were interesting, compelling and humorous. It seems the thing that gave Kennedy’s such greate success was the thing that his detractors often criticized, his charisma. He had such a feel for the importance of inspirational leadership and the willingness to use it to great ends. But his election at age 43 to succeed the 70-year-old Dwight D. Eisenhower represented a generational shift in American leadership that was as much a source of popular excitement as Kennedy’s individual qualities. As he said in his inaugural address, “the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans – born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace”.

        My mother told me that my father cried the day Kennedy was assassinated and many I spoke to said their parents did the same. However Rabbi Baruch Dopelt quotes his mother ” if I knew then what I know now about the immoral things he did then I would not of had the same sad tears”. At the time Kennedy famously came across as caring about his family and about the nation.

        The brothers sold Yossef and he wound up in Egypt and then, after a period of living in master Potifar’s house as the head butler, ended up in jail. In jail Yossef met two Individuals, the head butler and the head baker.

        The attribute of caring for others was Yossef’s ticket out of jail and eventually lead to his appointment by Pharaoh as Viceroy of the superpower of the world, Egypt. As we read in last week’s parsha (40:7) there were 4 words that Yossef uttered “MADUA PENECHEM RAIM HAYOM?”-why are you so sad today? The caring, sincere concern, which they sensed, of Yosef towards the 2 jailed officers of Pharaoh enabled them to open up to him and eventually disclose their personal dreams.

        We see in this parsha as well, It says (41,56) “VAYISHBOR LE’MITZRAIM”- Joseph opened all the containers of stored food during the famine yearshimself and gave the people. Again we see an act of caring on Yossef’s part.

        Mr. Yehuda Fouzailoff, a prominent founder of the Bukharian community in New York, said one such person who fits that description is his brother-in-law, Mr. Hannan Benyamini. Hannan, as he was lovingly known, was one of the few who was recognized by just his first name, cared very much about his community. “People sensed his sincerity and perhaps this quality was one that made him so successful as a leader. He was then able then to spread different tasks among prominent individuals in the close-knit community”. Mr. Fouzailoff continues “I never saw a leader quite like him. His goal was to bring individuals to synagogue on a weekly basis. Because this was the Jewish thing to do; it worked! Every week after the services there was a Kiddush. The wives came to help; they cut vegetables for Israeli salad which combined well with the Shabbat eggs”. This warm, caring and homey environment eventually grew to a very big gathering on Shabbat and eventually the enormous community it is now.”

        This caring quality is evident throughout our Torah especially as a prelude to leadership. Both Moshe and David spent time as shepherds in order to fine tune their character for caring. The ingredient for caring comes from humility. One has to be subservient to his people; they come first.

        How many times did Moshe attempt to sacrifice himself for the sake of the Jewish people? David didn’t care about his honor by dancing for the sake of G-d. There were those who didn’t think it was dignified. Nevertheless, G-d was honored by David’s devotion.

       It says that Yossef was cold to his brothers when they greeted him. Although they did not recognize him, he recognized them. Later on though it said Yossef could not hold back the tears and disclosed to them who he was.

        What soften Yossef from his cold feeling towards his brothers? What changed his attitude towards them?

        A very important growing experience, among the brothers, occurred in this week’s parsha. Lets examine the verses.

        Yaacov was hesitant to send Benyamin, his youngest son and the son of his most beloved wife Rachel, to Egypt. The viceroy, Yossef, who’s real identity was not yet disclosed to Yaacov and his sons, offered a proposition. If Yaacov’s family would like to purchase food, the youngest brother had to travel with the other brothers down to Egypt. This did not sit very well with Yaacov, considering that Benyamin’s older bother from the same mother, was already lost in Egypt. It wasn’t until Yehuda’s guarantee that if he does not return Benyamin unharmed then he will lose his share in OLAM HABA-the next world, that Yaacov acquiesced to their request.

         For thousands of years ever since then, the tribe of Yehuda would act as a protector for the tribe of Benyamin. As a matter of fact, this is the reason that their tribes are adjacent to each other in their respective territories in Yerushalayim. Most Jews today are from these two neighboring tribes.

When Yossef saw how Yehuda, who was from a different mother, cared for and protected his little brother Benyamin; how he was willing to give up his life both in this world and his olam habah, he realized they have grown , matured and learned to care deeply for each other. He thought now I forgive them. Now is the time to reunite.

I heard a beautiful story at the eulogy for Rabbi Joseph Grunblatt this past week.

It was right before the first scud missile attack where the mad man, Saadam Hussain was threatening to launch these weapons into Israel. One of the congregants of Rabbi Grunblatt synagogue, the Queens Jewish Center, called with a concern. Apparently his son was learning in a Yeshiva in Israel for the year. The father wanted to know how soon can he bring him home back to the states before the rocket attack starts in the following week. Rabbi Grunblatt said “I thought you were going to ask me how long should he stay, perhaps another year!!. He will be fine there.”

Well the following Sunday, when the evil monster Hussain promised to launch the attack, the parents of this boy were glued to the TV set watching CNN coverage and there was a knock on the door. It was Rabbi Grunblatt. He wanted to sit with the parents and see the coverage with them.

As one knows their history, Israel was able to intercept the majority of the scuds. Miraculously we had not one fatality throughout the whole ordeal.

Rabbi Grunblatt apparently thought their child was in no danger from the scud attack. This is exactly what the Greeks wanted to accomplish in the Chanukkah story. They wanted us to abandon our spirituality. They wanted to take away the Torah that we learn. Torah is what makes us Jewish. We are not prepared to do that. We would not let them succeed.

The good Rabbi also showed humanity; he showed he cared and he showed what any good leader should do.

Everyone has a favorite teacher…do you?

January 27, 2014 Jewish Values No comments
This article was constructed from the insights of Rabbi Akiva Grunblatt, Rosh Yeshiva  Chaffetz Chaim, Rabbi’s Baruch Dopelt, Yossi Bilus 

 

Each one of us had a favorite teacher who had a great deal of influence on us. Some actually had more than a few teachers over the years that fall under that “favorite” category. When we look back, with a certain fondness about them, a memorable smile breaks out.

        However, one has to ask himself, has this person actually made a difference when a crucial decision came into play? Were they there, in our conscience, when the game was on the line? Was their teaching tested and we were able to take their words of wisdom to the finish line and declare “I WON!! I PASSED THE TEST!!!”?

YOSEF THE DREAMER

In this week’s parsha, we find Yosef telling over to his brothers the dreams he had. The Torah’s description of the dreams and the reaction of Yosef’s brothers are quite puzzling.
First and foremost, to say his brothers weren’t exactly thrilled about him and his dreams would be considered a huge understatement. They were contemplating killing him as a result.
But there is a substantial lesson that can be learned from this story that is applicable in our everyday life. Let’s examine the verses more carefully and get a deeper understanding.
The first dream that Yosef had involves sheaves. Yosef tells his brothers that their sheaves gathered around and bowed down to his sheaves.
The second dream was basically the same theme; Yosef revealed to them that the sun and the moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me.
The brothers were angry and responded to the first dream by saying “Do you want to rule over us?” while there was no response from them after the second one.
The Torah states that the brothers hated him after the first dream was revealed while the scripture says the brothers were jealous after the second one.
Why was the reaction to each dream any different from the other?
What’s the difference between the two dreams?
Referring to the second dream it says “His father took it to heart”.
Why did his father take the second dream more serious?
In the first sequence about sheaves or stalks as its focal point, the scripture is hinting to a materialistic dominance. Its message, for the future, is that the brothers will depend on Yosef for their sustenance.
When someone sees his friend that’s financially more stable then he, he often questions why this is so.  “He’s not better than me. We’re the same in many ways. Perhaps that’s just plain old mazal.” However, human nature is for hatred to develop as a result.
The brothers knew that dreams for the most part are a reflection of the sub-conscience. They concluded, “This is what he’s thinking of us. He wants to be our boss”.
The brothers, though, took the second dream a bit more serious. The scenario of the sun, moon and the stars is a spiritual concept. Here, they realized that it’s not a reflection of the sub-conscience but a spiritual revelation. Therefore they were jealous of Yosef’s motivational and spiritual abilities. There is a Talmudic concept of SHTIKA KEH HODA’A – silence is a form of admittance.
Yaakov, their father, although he did not admit it, was startled by the second dream. The reason is that only Yaakov knew that in the heavens they referred to him as the sun.

It seams like the Torah is hinting that Yosef possessed certain abilities, which perhaps came through personal teachings from his father, as a gift from the heavens, or a combination of both. Apparently, life is such that the narrative will soon reveal that this gifted person will soon be tested.

In order to fully understand the magnitude of Yosef’s test, we have to examine a very interesting part of our Jewish history.

       Yeush was born in the midst of troublesome days in the land of Judea, in the year 3055 (after Creation). He became king at the age of six!! (3061).  The Jewish nation was divided into two kingdoms.  On the throne, which once belonged to King David and King Solomon, sat a ruthless and cruel queen. Her name was Athalya, the daughter of Queen Jezebel, the Phoenician princess whom the wicked King Ahab of the Northern Jewish Kingdom of the Ten Tribes had married. In an effort to bring the two Jewish kingdoms into friendlier relations, the two royal houses intermarried. The crown prince Joram, the son of King Jehoshaphat of Judea, married Athalyah the daughter of Ahab and Jezebel.

After many heavy, underhanded, dirty and deadly maneuvering, Athalyah took control of the Monarch. One of her decree’s to assure she will rule undisputedly was that she resolved that there should be no heir to the throne of Judea from the House of David. She ordered the death of all the members of the royal house of King David, and established herself as the supreme ruler of the land of Judea. She surrounded herself with friends from Phoenicia and ruled with an iron hand, spreading a reign of terror in the land.

Athalyah felt secure in her position, believing that the royal house of David was extinct. But she was wrong, for G-d had promised that the line of King David would never be broken. Ahaziah’s youngest son, whom Athalyah had believed had been murdered with the other male members of the royal family, had been saved from his bloodthirsty grandmother. He was still a baby, and his name was Yeush. He was saved by Jehosheba, a sister of King Ahaziah and the wife of the High Priest Yehoyada. Astonishingly, the one year old prince was hidden in the Bet Hamikdash, above a room by the “Kodash Hakadoshim” and brought up, secretly, by his pious and G-d fearing uncle and aunt.

For six years Athalyah ruled uncontrolled, dealing harshly with the believers in G-d. During all this time, Yehoyada, the wise and pious High Priest, nursed in his heart the secret hope for the future of his people that was centered around the last member of David’s dynasty. Yehoyada had many friends and followers, who, like himself, had remained faithful to the pure worship of G-d, and who longed for the day when the hateful Athalyah could be overthrown, and the House of David reinstated on the throne of the Holy Land.

When little Yeush was seven years old, Yehoyada decided that the time had come to liberate Judea from the unpopular foreign woman who had desecrated the throne of David.

The coup attempt was successful with no resistance whatsoever. Athalya was executed and Yeush became king. He reigned for forty years, and was one of the outstanding kings of Judea.

However, after Yehoyada died, Yeush fell under the influence of the wrong people and was led astray into a life of ease and luxury. He abandoned the pure worship of One G-d, and began to indulge in the service of the Baal. Yeush fell so low that shockingly he killed the great Prophet Zacharia, who happened to be the son of Yehoyada, the same person who saved his life, the one who had nurtured, taught and cared for him through the years!!
How can you bite the hand that feeds you?

How can Yeush fall so low after the death of his teacher?

We see a similar situation after the death of Shimi ben Gaira the teacher and mentor of the wisest man who ever lived, King Shlomo. Shlomo began to slip and make errors in judgment after his death.

We learn a valuable lesson about communication and teaching. There are basically two ways one can convey the valuable message:
LEHOROT- giving instructions
LILMOD- teaching until one stands on his/her own two feet

It’s not ideal to memorize the manual one has to understand the content.
Yosef was tested with one of the most difficult situations in the history of physical temptations. He was being seduced, unsuccessfully though, with the beautiful wife of his employer on a daily basis.

The boss’s wife, eshet Potifar, would up the ante at every occasion until it reached a boiling point where she forcefully tried to have relations with him. Yosef at the moment of truth envisioned his father, his teacher. This motivated, or I should say distracted, him from pursuing sinning with a married woman.

       Yaakov successfully taught Yosef the valuable lesson of standing on his own feet. It’s not enough to be gifted. One has to use these skills properly. This is the spiritual greatness of Yosef.

There was a huge epidemic where many Jews were killed at the time of King David because he counted the people. For this reason we have a tradition to never count individual Jews. The Sages teach us that the reason there was death and suffering was because the Temple wasn’t built during David’s time.

Why is it the people’s fault?  It was David that had blood on his hands and G-d wouldn’t allow him to build it. Why blame the people?

       The Sages say, “Granted. David wasn’t worthy. However the people were. The nation of Israel delayed the building. They should have voiced their opinion ” Why don’t we have a temple?”.and “Let’s start a petition!!” ” They should have began some grass roots. One friend persuading another and perhaps one farmer from the Galil would be responsible in starting the building process.

Rav Henoch always would say “There is permission in one not using his brains”. It’s imperative that a Jew internalizes what he learns and who knows? Perhaps one may discover a way to bring the Mashiach quicker.

       There was a college Professor who relayed a story that many years ago. There was a psychological case study of inner-city ghetto schools where they would interview 200 students. The motive of the test was to predict, through mathematical analysis, the outcome of these students. As one can expect, many of the student came from broken, one-parent homes.

The result wasn’t very promising that these students would amount to anything.

       Twenty years later, this Professor, who happened to be one of those students, was curious to know how these students turned out.

After an extensive research of tracking them down He was astonished to discover how off the mark the study was. 80% of the students were living a productive life.

The professor decided to probe deeper into how these students beat the odds. He interviewed each one and found a common denominator, which was one particular teacher that they all liked.

He was curious to meet this teacher, although twenty years latter he didn’t think she was still alive. Nevertheless after researching further he tracked her down at a particular nursing home. She was in her eighties. The professor went to visit the teacher. He asked her “What was your key to success?” She said “I tried to instill in them a sense of self. I had a motivating slogan “No matter what, you can do it”. These students and Yosef had this in common. They can honestly say that the influence their teachers had on them made a difference, especially when it counted. They can say with full assurance “”I WON!! I PASSED THE TEST!!!”

Have you ever been Bullied?

January 27, 2014 G-d and Us, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson, Sensitivity To Others No comments
Advice and insights from Doctor Robert Goldman Psychologist at Yeshiva Chaffetz, Rabbi Isaac Oelbaum, excerpts  from the teachings of Rav Henoch Leibowitz, also excerpts from “The New York Times and The Miami Hearold”

Is intimidation a way of life?  Or perhaps one can say being intimidated is an initiation to life. Does the reader recall being tormented by a classmate, fellow worker, a friend, or I should say an ex-friend? Everybody has had a bully at one point in his life; it’s part of life. If he was spared the bullying throughout childhood years, the tormentor may found him in high school. Perhaps it happened in freshman year of college. How difficult was it, or perhaps still is, to show up to class, or to the office, knowing that this monster will be there, ready to pounce on you, the first opportunity it gets?

 

We learn a valuable lesson from this week’s parsha from the interaction between the Tormentor, Eisav , his descendant Amalek, and our forefather, Yaakov. But, first let’s examine a bazaar situation that occurred recently.

 

“For the entire season-and-a-half that he was with the Miami Dolphins, he attempted to befriend the same teammates who subjected him to the abuse, with the hope that doing so would end the harassment.
A puzzling question is asked:
How do you bully a 6-foot-5, 300 pound, ferocious player (starting offensive tackle) in the National Football League?

This is not the first question that should come to mind in the wake of the hazing story coming out of the  Dolphins’ locker room during the past week (hazing is the practice of rituals and other activities involving harassment, abuse or humiliation used as a way of initiating a person into a group). The proper response is to mourn the absence of civility in the N.F.L. and to demand that Richie Incognito, the player accused of bullying and threatening a teammate, Jonathan Martin, to be exiled from the league.

 

But in a league defined by its violence, where every player aspires to impose his will on opponents, how does bullying become so intense that a massive football player stands up, leaves the team and simply goes home?

 

Did Incognito, a veteran with a checkered history and a reputation as a dirty player, do this on his own? Or did he have the help and participation of teammates who went along for the ride?

 

In Miami, it was apparently a combination of the two.

 

Judging from their reactions, some of Incognito’s teammates enjoyed watching Martin being used as the butt of jokes.

 

Incognito has been suspended indefinitely by the Dolphins, accused of crossing a long-established line of rookie hazing to torment Martin. Yet Dolphins cornerback, Will Davis, said to reporters earlier this week of Incognito: “He’s a funny guy. Everybody loves him.”

 

Wide receiver Mike Wallace was more effusive.

 

“I love Richie,” he said. “I think he’s a great guy. He’s an intense guy. Everybody knows that. I think he was just being Richie.

 

“I love playing with Richie. I wish he was here right now.”

As if the N.F.L. didn’t have enough headaches on and off the field between concussions, drug testing, and crime, now the commissioner has to deal with bullying in the locker room.

 

I’ve been in plenty of locker rooms, from grammar school through high school and college, and things can be raunchy. There is a lot of name-calling.

 

By the time the players reach the N.F.L., a billion-dollar business played by millionaires, one would hope, they have flushed this out of their systems.

 

Clearly, that is not the case. Though on teams with great leadership, locker-room tensions don’t usually reach the commissioner’s office. Now that these have, Roger Goodell, must deal with Incognito. A lifetime ban would be too harsh. But a suspension, possibly for the rest of the season, even if the Dolphins were inclined to bring Incognito back, which they do not seem to be, seems fair. That, and a stern message to the players that the days of hazing young players, everything from making rookies pay for dinner to carrying veterans’ bags, are over.

 

My concern for Martin is how this will mark him for the rest of his career. Many are paying lip service to how terribly he has been treated, but in locker rooms and team offices, and not just in Miami, there may always be whispers that Martin is “soft.”

 

The N.F.L. is not the Boy Scouts. Professional football is not an ordinary workplace. In a world where most fans make their livings, corporations would look at Incognito’s resumé and run the other way. In the N.F.L., personnel directors might look at Incognito, crude, troubled and violent, but also a former Pro Bowler, and say, “He’s our kind of guy.”

 

As for Martin, at another time and in a different context, he would be lauded for refusing to be provoked. He obeyed the biblical decree to turn the other cheek, that “if someone hits you on the side of your face, let him hit the other side too.”

 

It’s a wonderful sentiment. But the N.F.L. has its own bible, and that passage isn’t in it.

It seems like a 300 pound football player is having a difficult time in his working environment. How do we fair in our workplace?

 

       I asked our good doctor, whom always provides us with his intuitive insights, Dr. Robert Goldman, Psychologist of Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim, about the subject of bullying. He said “There are people who enjoy making others squirm. They love playing the dictator role; “I’m in command  and you are nothing” “.
       Lets explore the behavior of kids for instance. The nicest children can become the biggest bullies as a result of their insecurities. They want to be leaders at the expense of putting down others. These bullies pick on children that they know can not stand up for themselves; they pick on individuals that have no self confidence. They rally others against the victim feeling good that they were the ones who controlled the momentum, the situation and emotions of others. “Teachers”, he continues, “make a big mistake in telling the victim to come to them when someone bullies them. This in flames the tormentor even more. Although the teachers are in control of the class, they, for the most part, are not present at recess and after school. It leaves the victim hung out to dry”. The doctor continues with a grin “What the victim should do is fight back!! He should punch them in the mouth. When the tormentor see’s that there is opposition; the victim is standing up for themselves; when he sees that there are strong consequences, he’ll say “it doesn’t pay to bully again, at least for this victim.”

       “One of the classic memorable  episodes of the science fiction series Star trek where one of the characters, unknowingly, is able to bring back people from his past. “Be careful what you think” . This someone happened to be his biggest tormentor when he was a youth at the academy.”
       On two occasions in high school, I got into a fight with bullies and they never bothered me again. They were surprised I stood up for myself and one was even more surprised that I hit him in the eye with a right hook. When I responded to his request of “lets fight” with a yes, he was surprised as the room was beginning to get filled to see the fight. Nevertheless fighting should be a last resort, as we will soon learn.

How can you fight back against the non-Jews, especially when some of them are so powerful?

In many cultures we the Jews had our share of anti-Semitism. There is a common misconception that this time we’ll show some muscle. We have our slogan “Never again”. Yada yada yada. However, winning battles against the enemy was not done with our physical strength. The Jew fights back with his intellect; we have to be clever. The good doctor gives an example of  an anti-semite and someone who was more or less neutral, were running for office in a Polish town, many years ago. The Jews saw that they didn’t have enough votes to beat out the anti-Semite so they decided to give money to the anti-Semite. Basically they supported the Jew-hater. After the election the anti-Semite, who happened to win the election, was very supportive of the Jewish cause. What transpired was that the Jews learned from their history, particularly this week’s parsha, and how Yaakov, our forefather, had a 3 step plan – 1) flattery and bribes, 2)prayer and, as a last resort, 3)war. The flattery and bribe worked.
       Amalek, which is Eisav’s decedents, have been known to be our biggest bullies over the course of history. They have always had an intense hatred, manifested by their ferocious cruelty towards us. However, besides the incident in this week’s parsha, where Eisav comes with 400 solders, not with the intent to just bully Yaakov, but to kill him outright, one can say, through their previous dialogue, there was no trace of bullying. As a matter of fact they left each other in peace.
       What, then, transpired that they became public enemy #1?
       In order to understand why Eisav’s descendants turned out to be such monsters, we have to explore one of the dramatic moments in the Torah; the moment when Yosef revealed to his brothers that he was indeed their long lost brother, whom they sold. At the moment of his announcement they felt a terrible sense of embarrassment. What were they embarrassed about?  We assumed because they sold him as a slave. Not quite, the brothers were ashamed of their cruelty that they expressed when he was pleading with them to take him out of the dangerous pit. They heard his cry but showed no mercy. Instead, the brothers sat down and had a meal. At their moment of remorse they were afraid that they would lose their status as G-d representatives. ACHZARUT, cruelty, breeds cruelty. The brothers were concerned how they were desensitized to the situation at hand.
       We each have in our DNA a repertoire of character traits that are ready to sprout up, weather positive or negative. When that particular trait finally emerges, it can mutate and, in time, be a significant part of our personality. Therefore the child who bullies is susceptible to intensifying the character trait of cruelty. This trait can pass down to one’s descendants.
       Eisav’s eternal hate towards his brother manifested itself and intensified in his descendants. When the exhausted and displaced Israelite nation passed through the splitting of the see and into the dessert, Amalek were the first to greet them with an army ready for war. One can see the cruel intensity by the designed timing of there attack.
       We must be aware of the magnitude of the consequences of the bully and the victim. When children are involved in this action, one has to realize that the intimidator is starting his career, while the victim might incur scars for life.
PUTTING THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE  INTIMIDATOR/VICTIM
       Mazal is Mazal; some are born with making money and it’s quite easy for them. Others have to resort to extensive, deeply concentrated, tearful prayers in order for Hakadosh Baruch Hu to budge and throw them a bone or two, if they’re lucky!!
       Such was the case of a very poor shoe maker, Shmuel, who’s mazal drastically changed when his long lost cousin died. (I often ask myself, why don’t I have these long lost cousins?) Shmuel inherited his fortune and within days his friends and family began to treat him differently. They offered him a closer seat to the bima in shul, where eventually, he became the president. Shmuel moved to a nicer block and a bigger house. People made sure to say hello to him in the street.
       There is one thing that Shmuel dreamed of more than anything in the world and that is he wanted his daughter to marry the Rabbi’s son. Shmuel began to use many of his contacts and resources to make that dream possible. One day, one of the matchmakers calls Shmuel and tells him that the Rabbi’s family agreed and are interested in his daughter. It seemed Shmuel was more excited than the girl, waiting anxiously after their dates and asking how it went. One day, the daughter comes home excited and said he proposed!!
       At the wedding, Shmuel was gleaming from ear to ear as the chupah started. However, not all the guests were happy for Shmuel. His old shoemaker buddies were jealous. When Shmuel, the kallah’s father, was called to recite one of the sheva brachot, one of his old jealous friends just couldn’t take it anymore. He gets up, takes off his shoe, and screams out “Hey, Shmuel the shoemaker, my shoe tore. Can you fix it?” Everybody in the hall was silent. Shmuel was so embarrassed and humiliated that he fainted. “Quick, someone call Hatzalah!” someone yelled out. Unfortunately, there was nothing anybody could do for poor Shmuel. He had a massive heart attack and died.
       One can say, in the heavens, his jealous friend would be accountable for Shmuel’s death. However, there is someone who is more responsible. That is Shmuel himself. One has to realize Shmuel should not have been embarrassed. G-d gave him the money. If he would have faith in G-d, he would realize G-d runs the world. He should have felt fortunate that G-d transformed him from a poor shoemaker to accumulating nice wealth. It wasn’t he who earned it. Once an individual begins to believe I made the money, the inflated ego sets in and he’s bound to get hurt and humiliated and fail the test.
       Everyone in life is faced with a tormentor. Some of us encounter them at every juncture of our lives. One has to know how to deal with them and realize its not the arrow but the shooter; its not the tormentor but G-d who’s testing us.

How to Combat the Evil Eye

September 1, 2013 G-d and Us No comments

 

Do you believe in the evil eye? Do you believe that it has an influence on life?  Born and bred in the United States, one is trained to think that the evil eye is superstition. It is categorized together with walking under a latter or crossing the street when a black cat crosses your path. However, coming from a Bukharian, Sephardic etc. background, staying away from the evil eye was and is a significant part of our lives. Can one remember the remedy of boiling metal and spilling it in to a pot of water forming a shape, over the head of the one who is the victim of the evil eye? Boy, that was pretty creepy; that’s spooky stuff!! It seems like Bukharians have a whole cookbook of remedies for AYIN HARA!!

The Talmud approaches the subject of the evil eye very seriously. Rav says in tractate Baba Metzia, “99% of deaths have occurred from the result of the evil eye”. One has to say that I am from the genealogy of Yosef!! The Passuk says: “BEN PORAT YOSEF, BEN PORAT ALEH AHYIN”. Aleh Ahyin means that Yosef is above the radar, above the eye, and therefore not affected by the evil eye. Yosef is compared to the fish of the sea. Just like fish can’t be seen because they’re under the water, so too regarding the genealogy of Yosef.

 

The question is asked, “are we not mostly from the tribe of Yehuda and Benyamin”? How can we say that we are from Yosef?

 

When the brothers came down to Egypt with their families, it was Yosef who financed them, he took care of them. He treated them in a way similar to that of a teacher or Rabbi who teaches and takes care of his students as they are transformed under his umbrella.

 

Why does Yosef have protection against the evil eye? Yosef was very careful not to invade other’s belongings. The wife of Potiphar belonged to Potiphar. Yosef, with all his strength, protected himself from not looking or touching her. That’s not mine!! I can’t have it!  Therefore, as measure for measure, no one can touch or invade him and his belongings.

 

How does the evil eye, the AYIN HARA, work?

 

This world is a mirror image of what occurs in the heavens. There is a lot of traffic going back and forth. For example, music is rooted in the seventh chamber of heaven, called ARAVOT. When one feels good because he heard a nice tune, it’s because it trickles down from the roots in heaven, and then we enjoy it in its earth bound destination. This concept applies to all things. In other words, we have to connect to the roots, the source. So in order to fight AYIN HARA, we have to look to the heavens. If one sees his friend succeeding financially or has a beautiful wife and nice kids and he’s in wonderment, even in a pleasant way, he cuts the roots. One has to say to himself that this has been given by G-d. G-d did this. One has to be mindful that his wonderment of others’ opens the door for people to look at him and give him the evil eye!!  If he says “this is from G-d” then he connects to the roots and does not allow AYIN HARA to affect him.

 

Finding a job can be challenging. Let’s say that one finds a dreamlike position. If he feels that he worked hard and he accomplished it through his power, without the intervention of the heavens, then he cuts the root of parnassa. That’s not the mindset one should have.

 

Yosef’s name at times is spelled with a HEY YEHOSEF. The HEY has the numerical value of 5. After many years, when Yaacov finally saw Yosef for the first time, Yaacov said Shema Yisrael. Shema is recited when putting the hand with its five fingers over the face.

 

When Yosef was born, Yaacov felt that now is the time to leave his father-in-law, Lavan’s, house, and face his brother Eisav. The scripture says that “he (Eisav) saw (with his eyes) Yaacov’s wives and children.” Who are these (wonderful beautiful people)”? Eisav asks. Yaacov’s reply was “these are the children that G-d gave”. Yaacov connected to the heavens therefore prevented the evil eye of Eisav from harming his family.

It seems that one has to have the right mind set when dealing with friends and acquaintances. If one has the proper attitude towards others, only then he will automatically be protected from the evil eye.

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