Tag Archive for Adapting

Parshat Shemot

Having trouble viewing this email? Click here

“A Cup of Coffee 

 

&

A Quick Thought”

Steaming Cup of Coffee
Spark Of Jewish Experience
  Shemot

January 12, 2012
17 Teves, 5772

Dear Friends,

 

If you would like to receive our newsletter every week, click on the ‘Join Our Mailing List’ button (located on the right side column – below the ‘Quick Links’ section and above the ‘Advertisements’ section).

 

We have expanded the Parsha Highlights section.

 

In appreciation to the staff of The Afikim Foundation for all their help, and to Torahanytime.com for giving us the mic.

 

We are now displaying business ads in our newsletter. If you are interested in placing an ad, please email me or call 917-804-7692. It’s completely tax deductible and the proceeds go to teaching people Torah. Be a part of the Mitzvah!

 

Please print out this newsletter and say over a great D’var Torah at the Friday night Shabbos table.

 

Please forward to a friend and be a partner in spreading Torah.

 

Dedicate a newsletter, shuir and a CD in memory of a loved one.

 

In This Issue
Parshat Shemot Highlights
Parshat Shemot – Value Each Moment of Life
Modern Workforce, Old Concept
The Morning Rush Hour

Parshat Shemot Highlights
First Portion

* We start the book of Shemot many years later from when we concluded in the book of Bereshit. In fact, at this juncture, all 70 souls that came down to Egypt with our father, Yaacov, have passed on. As long as they were alive, a protected spiritual level was maintained.

* The book begins by reciting the 12 sons of Yaacov, the basis of the structure of our people.

* The Jews were multiplying six-fold. Sources pinpoint they were eating tiny fish and that’s what enabled them to be more fertile. It is suggested today to eat sardines if one has fertility problems.

* A new king arose; some say it was the same king. Regardless, our sages emphasize one cannot trust the non-Jew. All the good and dedication Joseph did for Pharaoh and the Egyptians were disregarded, and the hatred towards our ancestors intensified; a valuable lesson to be learned.

* The Egyptians forced the Jews into slavery with hard labor.

* Pharaoh foresaw in his horoscope that in this time period, a Jew would be born who would rise up and destroy him. He therefore ordered all Jewish newborn males to be put to death.

 

Second Portion

* Amram, who was from the tribe of Levi, remarried Yocheved, at the advice of their daughter Miriam, and produced a son Moshe. He divorced her because of the decree of Pharaoh of killing Jewish boys. We learn from the sages a lesson; no matter how cruel the world can be, one should not refrain from having children.

* Moshe’s parents hide him in a basket and let it float in the Nile.

* Batya, Pharaoh’s daughter, out of all people, discovers the child and adopts the Jewish baby and gets the help, not knowing of the boy’s biological mother and sister.

* In essence, Pharaoh wanted to kill all Jewish baby boys because he was concerned with the predictions of the horoscope. It’s funny, but the person, the threat to his kingdom, the one who he’s most afraid of, not knowingly, is being raised in his own palace. Who says G-d doesn’t have a sense of humor.

* The act of kindness was evident in Batya, Pharaoh’s daughter, who saved the little Jewish infant. She called him Moshe; it describes the act in which she stretched her arm to grab the basket, which the infant was in.

 

Third Portion

* Moshe grows up in the palace. One day he kills an Egyptian after witnessing him beat a Jew. The next day, unfortunately, some of his fellows Jews were fighting with each other; they threaten to tell the Egyptian authorities about the killing, after Moshe intervened.

* Moshe flees Egypt after Pharaoh hears what happened and orders to kill him.

* After a number of stops, Moshe ends up in Midyan where he meets and marries Tziporah, the daughter of Yitro who was once Pharaoh’s advisors, but fell out of favor with him.

* Moshe was criticized by G-d for not disclosing to Tziporah’s family that he was a Jew. One should be proud of his Jewish heritage.

* Tziporah gives birth to a son to Moshe, and is named Gershom.

 

Fourth Portion

* Moshe worked for his father-in-law as a shepherd. One day, a little calf runs away from Moshe’s flock. After trying to catch it, Moshe finds the calf drinking water. He then realizes that the calf was thirsty and was looking for the pond. Rationalizing that the calf was tired after the chase and drinking, he then carried it over his shoulder, back to the herd. G-d said this is the type of leader I want to lead the chosen people.

* G-d appears to Moshe at the burning bush and tells him you will lead my people out of Egypt.

 

Fifth Portion

* Moshe at first refused to take the position because he thought he was unqualified, but G-d refused to take no for an answer. G-d then proceeded to give him instructions to notify the elders of Israel that they will leave the perils of slavery and go to the Promised Land. You then shall go to Pharaoh and tell him “Let my people go”.

* Moshe was concerned, “Perhaps they might not believe me.” So G-d instructed Moshe to perform three signs to show his legitimacy, one of which was to take his staff and throw it to the ground and it will turn into a snake. This was a sign to show that G-d has the power to take something that has no life and make it into a living being.

* Moshe was concerned that his older brother might get jealous of his authoritative position, but G-d assured him he would be very happy for Moshe.

 

Sixth Portion

* On the way to Egypt, G-d attempts to kill Moshe for not performing the commandment of brit milah on his son. His wife Tziporah immediately grabs a sharp stone and cuts her baby’s foreskin. We learn a lesson never to delay performing commandments. In general, better do something today than procrastinate for tomorrow.

* Moshe meets his brother Aaron and tells him the plan of action. They both then meet the elders and reveal the miracles G-d had instructed him, and the people believed him.

 

Seventh Portion

* Pharaoh said, “Who is your G-d that I should listen to him?” after Moshe and Aaron approached him.

* Pharaoh imposes tougher working and living conditions on the Israelites because of the provocation with Moshe and Aaron.

Parshat Shemot – Value Each Moment of Life

            One of the books I quote quite often is Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz, ‘Sichot Mussar’. 25 years ago, I diligently read his schmooze (divrei Torah) from his book every Friday night after the meal, and it made quite an impression. The key to one being better prepared in his endeavors is that one has to apply what he has learned from different sources, whether it is from books, teachers, parents, or everyday life. But sometimes situations in life are not so clear-cut, and it’s hard to apply the lesson. Although I believe I made the right crucial decision based on Rav Chaim’s words of wisdom on this particular divrei Torah towards my father when he was between life and death, it was not so simple.

Rav Chaim asks, “What is the true meaning of life?” We visualize life as joy and pleasure and we talk about the things worth living for. However, in our superficial view, we overlook something important, life itself.

The sages tell us Pharaoh asked three of his top advisers what should be the faith of the Jewish people. Yitro, after warning Pharaoh not to mess with these people, fled, because he sensed a growing displeasure on the king’s face toward his advice; one adviser Bilam, said to kill them and one adviser Iyov kept silent. For their advice, they each got what they deserved; Bilam’s punishment was being killed in battle. Iyov’s punishment was that he received pain and suffering for his silence. Yitro, who fled in protest, was merited that his descendants would sit in the Sanhedrin (Judges among Israel).

Rav Chaim asks, “Why was evil Bilam, who advised to kill them, given a swift and merciful death, while Iyov who was guilty of just being silent, was subjected to pain and suffering?”

Bilam indeed received the more severe punishment. In our view of life, we fail to understand that although Iyov suffered, he continued to live, while this gift of life was taken away from Bilam. This perhaps, is best conveyed in King David’s cry “G-d has caused me to suffer greatly but He has not given me over to death (Tehilim 118:18)”. Life itself is a gift and there is so much to do.

The sages say one is not allowed to walk in a cemetery with his tzitzit (fringes that a Jewish male wears daily) outside. One has to tuck it into his pants. This is because the dead might get jealous that they are unable to perform the daily life commandments that are bestowed on the living.

When my father was hospitalized, they wanted us to sign a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) form where it states that if he will not be able to breathe on his own, he should not be revived. I refused, remembering the words of Rav Chaim of how precious an extra moment of life can be. I believed there might be a glimmer of hope that he would regain consciousness, even for a short period of time. It would have been incredible if indeed he would have survived and been able to bless us or put on tefillin one last time.

The argument to sign the DNR is also a valid one. The question is always asked, where is the quality of life? What happens if someone ends up on life support for years and many of the brain functions destroyed? What then? Does Rav Chaim’s rule apply?

There are a few big well-respected rabbis in the world who can shoulder the responsibility of a question of this magnitude. They can be of great assistance in those difficult times. It’s not an easy matter. Unfortunately, a number of us flirt with the possibility of being faced with similar situations with our loved ones. I only hope with G-d’s help the reader will be well prepared.

Perhaps we all should take lesson and live life to the utmost capability.

Modern Workforce, Old Concept
   

Something interesting occurred in this week’s parsha. The mastermind of the Egyptians’ governing body cleverly designed a plan where the Jews would be so overly exhausted and therefore won’t be able to pick up their heads and realize their situation. What was this ingenious brainstorm that kept the Jews at bay? Well, guess what, it’s similar to the modern revised workforce of today’s America.

Pharaoh instructed his enforcers to make the men do traditional women’s tasks and the females doing what the males were accustomed in performing. By the time the end of the day arrived, both genders were psychologically exhausted. The chores of the day threw them off focus, off balance, and made them lose their identity, to the extent they were unable to verbalize their feelings.

The plan of the Egyptian caused Jews to be scarred where they were labeled as unworthy to enter Israel because of their slave mentality. It was only their children who were cleansed in the desert who were allowed to enter the Promised Land.

Obviously, they were unprepared for the role reversal, for if they were, maybe it would be an entire different ball game.

Similarly today, there is a change in the traditional gender jobs. Plus, there is a slow shift where the traditional male breadwinner has also changed. Women, in some homes, now bring home the bacon…ooops I mean the brisket. Men were not made to stay home and women prefer to be at home at least for some of the time.

Both men and women whom have fallen into this predicament must have strong character to find respect in themselves and their spouses. It’s not easy; one should know they are both in good company. One has to have strong self-esteem to withstand any criticism. One of the major factors in saving marriages in these situations is falling into the traditional male, female religious role. Men make kiddush, hamotzi, and learn traditional male scriptures, while women do the same by lighting candles, etc. This will enable the genders to fall back on the things that are most natural.

Making adjustments is an art. It says G-d doesn’t create a problem without the remedy. We have to be aware of the changes in society; one has to lower their pride for the sake of the family and be aware that changes are inevitable.

The Morning Rush Hour
   

I’ve been writing since 5:15 this morning and in about 5 minutes, at 6:30, my neighbor – like he does every morning – will start and warm up his car for four minutes and head out for Shacharit (morning Prayer). This is then followed by learning of the Daf Yomi (learning a page a day of Talmud). This is my neighbor’s daily morning routine. One can set your clocks to that regiment.

I have no schedule. It all depends on my preparations for my shiurim, lectures, and articles for their deadlines. I could be up till 3:00 in the morning one time and one day get up, like today at 5:15 am. I guess one can say ‘we neighbors have two contrast lifestyles’. Apparently, because of my unpredictable nature, the morning Shacharit services are often figured out as I’m walking out the door. Thank G-d for the many minyanim that are found in Kew Garden Hills and Forest Hills that I often choose from and make the necessary combinations. But unfortunately, sometimes one arrives late to prayer services. What should he do? Should he join the congregation at the place where they are holding, or should he start from the beginning?

The Mechaber (Rav Yosef Caro, author of the Shulchan Aruch) says it depend on his tardiness. He should say a few tefilot quickly in order to catch up to the chazzan. Preferably, baruch she’amar and 1 or 2 of the halelukas (et Hashem min hashamayim, kel bekadsho,) at the bare minimum, followed by vayevarech david and az yashir. It’s important to say yishtabach because that ends off the bracha of baruch she’amar. Yotzer Or should definitely be recited. He stresses the importance to be on in sync with everybody else in the minyan. Later on, one can catch up saying the other prayers.

The Mishna Brurah, who brings many opinions, mentions the Chacham Tzvi who disagrees. He says it’s important to say the entire tefilah in its entirety and in order. The Chacham Tzvi was known to take a more kabalistic approach. The philosophy of his and the Mechaber are quite different.

What’s important to note is that one must consult his or her Rabbi. It’s his decision that should be followed. I recommend, regardless of which opinion one follows, one should grab a large cup of delicious coffee after the morning prayer service.

Sincerely,
Rabbi Avi Matmon
Spark of Jewish Experience

Parshat Chayei Sarah

“A Cup of Coffee 

 

&

A Quick Thought”

Steaming Cup of Coffee
Spark Of Jewish Experience
  Chayei Sarah

November 17, 2011
20 Cheshvan, 5772

Dear Friends,

 

In appreciation to the staff of The Afikim Foundation for all their help, and to Torahanytime.com for giving us the mic.

 

We are now displaying business ads in our newsletter. If you are interested in placing an ad, please email me or call 917-804-7692. It’s completely tax deductible and the proceeds go to teaching people Torah. Be a part of the Mitzvah!

 

Please print out this newsletter and say over a great D’var Torah at the Friday night Shabbos table.

 

Please forward to a friend and be a partner in spreading Torah.

 

Dedicate a newsletter, shuir and a CD in memory of a loved one.

 

In This Issue
Parshat Chayei Sarah Highlights
Parshat Chayei Sarah – The Art of Adapting
Source of Tradition
Important Note Before Shabbat

Parshat Chayei Sarah Highlights
 

* We open the parsha with the narrative accounting of Sarah’s (Abraham’s wife) age, implying that she has passed on.

 

* Abraham buys a burial plot (Ma’arat Hamachpela) from Efron Hachiti (this is where Adam and Eve are buried).

 

* Abraham sends Eliezer, his trusted advisor, to Charan, to find a wife for his son Yitzchak.

 

* As Eliezer arrives at the outskirts of Charan, he camps by the well where a young girl offers to serve him and his camels water. Eliezer’s prayers were answered because the girl who showed the tremendous kindness was none other than Rivka, the daughter of Betuel, Abraham’s relative. Eliezer knew he has met Yitzchak’s soul mate.

 

* Eliezer consummates the deal with Rivka’s family; here, we are introduced to Lavan, Rivka’s brother, for the first time.

 

* Eliezer brings her home to Yitzchak where they become husband and wife.

 

* Abraham marries Keturah (Rashi says she is Hagar) where she bears him 6 sons, all of which got presents and were sent away; meaning they were not the primary sons of Abraham.

 

* Abraham dies at the age 175 and his sons Yitzchak and Yishmael bury him.

 

* Yishmael dies.

Parshat Chayei Sarah – The Art of Adapting
abraham's tent

In life, one must learn to adapt to a situation, whether it be work, school, marriage, birth, death, diet, or with friends. No matter how harsh living conditions may be, no matter how difficult the environment, no matter how irritating or obnoxious the person, a human being is able to adapt and survive. But, we shall shortly learn from the teaching of Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz, that there is an important ingredient, which should be infused in the process of adapting, in order for it to be successful.

It is this message, which will clarify to us the difference between Abraham’s reaction to G-d’s command to bring his son Yitzchak as a sacrifice, as opposed to that of his wife Sarah. Abraham was eager to fulfill G-d’s command. Sarah, on the other hand, when she heard what had transpired, could not bear the news, and died instantly. How can two great people have reacted so differently to the same event? What makes this question even more puzzling, was that Sarah was on a higher level then her husband in prophecy.

The answer is that Abraham was made aware in agradual manner that Yitzchak was to be brought as a sacrifice, thus allowing his feelings and emotions to adapt to the challenge awaiting him. G-d told him ‘Take your son’ then ‘your only son whom you love’. Only then did he inform him that Yitzchak was to be sacrificed.Thus, if Abraham had been confronted suddenly that it was Yitzchak who was to be sacrificed, he would not have survived. It was the gradual realization of this fact that made him digest this. He was therefore able to perform G-d’s command. Such was not the case with Sarah who was suddenly overwhelmed by the realization of what had happened and died resulting from the shock.

Another example of how delicate and gradual one must be, is G-d’s reaction after Adam sinned by eating from the tree of knowledge. G-d appeared close to Adam and asked ‘Where are you?’ G-d knew where Adam was, but He wanted to confront him in a manner that he would not be startled. The guilt of his sin was overwhelming; any sudden confrontation would have emotionally destroyed Adam.

Let’s not forget Serach bat Asher, the granddaughter of our father Yaacov, who played the harp singing ‘Yosef (his favorite son who was presumed dead for 22 years) is still alive and living in Egypt’. The overwhelming sudden joy would have been proven too much and would have killed him. Serach presented it in a delicate, clever gradual way in which Yaacov was able to comprehend without the shocking affect.

The Gemarah (Sotah13a) states that soon after Yaacov’s death, seventeen years later, when Yaacov’s sons were taking his body to the Cave of Machpela for burial, a confrontation took place between his sons and his evil brother Eisav. Eisav came and protested that the plot of land (Cave of Machpela) belonged to him. A debate ensued and it was decided that one of the brothers would return to Egypt and retrieve the deed to show that Yaacov indeed owned the property.

A deaf grandson Chushim (son of Naftali) wondered, why the cause of the delay? When they communicated with him, he exclaimed ‘What? Our grandfather will lie in degradation until the deed is brought?’ whereupon he immediately killed Eisav.

Why was Chushim, a grandson, more concerned about Yaacov’s honor than Yaacov’s own sons? Rav Chaim answers, all the brothers had been slowly drawn into the argument with Eisav, gradually dulling their sensitivity to their father’s shame. Chushim, being deaf, was completely unaware of the situation. When he realized the reason for the delay, he could not contain his anger and killed Eisav.

One has to be aware of the delicate nature of man. He has to approach situations gradually. Furthermore, man must be aware and use his most powerful tool ‘to speak’  properly by delivering news, whether good or bad, gradually, so the process of adapting should go smoothly and successfully.

Source of Tradition 
   spark plug

             At the beginning of this week’s parsha, we find Abraham busy arranging his wife Sarah’s funeral. Although the Bible is not a history book, it also does not show the emotional side of our forefathers either. However, through our traditions and our other sources that depict the human emotional side, we are able to feel the pulse of our ancestors. Such is the case of Abraham, in this difficult situation of the death of his beloved wife.

We learn from our sages that Abraham and Sarah were very close and showed tremendous respect for each other. They had a common goal and sought to accomplish it through their different personalities. Abraham was charismatic and outgoing, while Sarah’s virtue was modesty.

One should note that one of the most beautiful experiences of love for a Jew is the Friday night Shabbat table (if its performed correctly); and one of the traditions is for a husband to recite (sing) eshet chayil (woman of valor) in front of his wife. In this recitation, which is found in the last chapter of King Solomon’s Mishlai, it describes the virtue of the beloved wives of Israel. The sages and many commentaries are in unison that eshet chayil is based on the emotional eulogy in which Abraham presented at his wife Sarah’s funeral. As far as tradition goes this piut, (poem) goes back 4000 years to that emotional day when there wasn’t a dry-eyed person listening to Abraham express his love, one last time, for his wife.

The family is brought together Friday night, when the power of Shabbat focuses on bringing the family closer through love and respect, just as Abraham had for his wife Sarah.

Important Note Before Shabbat 
   parking ticket

            Did you know that if one lights Shabbat candles on a table, even after the candles are extinguished on the table upon which it was standing, the table cannot be moved until after Shabbat is over. The table is muktzah.

Muktzah items are those that are not allowed to be moved on Shabbat. It’s a rabbinical law created as a fence to prevent one from stumbling and violating Shabbat. These preventive measures are fences, which are essential to the survival and to our commitment of the commandment ‘keeping the Shabbat’.

I can understand why one can’t move the table while the candles are lit; the reason is, candles are more prone to be put out while moving and one might be tempted to light them again, therefore violating the Shabbat.

But why can’t one move the table after the candles are no longer lit? The answer is, the lit candles and the tables, which was muktzah during the period of bein hashmashot, are at a frozen state until after Shabbat.

Bein hashmashot is a time period between sunset and nightfall that many commentaries say has an unknown status of what day it belongs to. One can also reach tremendous spiritual heights during this period, especially Friday afternoon before Shabbat. If I may ask the readers, what is the most important prayer of the year? The answer is ‘Neilah’ on Yom Kippur, which is purposely said during bein hashmashot. The reason being is that during bein hashmashot on Friday is when Adam and Eve, the first man and woman, sinned. Therefore, we try to fix their mistake. Apparently, if one notices that on many occasions, there is friction between a husband and wife during this time. One has to rectify and be extra careful and to know that he should try to withstand any hardships at bein hashmashot, and then he will reap tremendous rewards. Perhaps this is why the prayer eshet chayil (woman of valor) is said Friday night at the Shabbat table after bein hashmashot, after the uncomfortable nature Adam and Eve had towards one another. Eshet chayil is reconciliation and is to reaffirm the commitment of husband and wife.

Rabbi Akiva Tatz mentions that when one passes on to the next world, there is an unknown status between life and death where the person experiences nothing but darkness. During this period, the evil powers tries to convince the individual, “you see there is nothing here; all this talk about life after death and heaven is all nonsense. It was just a farce that the Rabbis wanted you to believe.” If one believes and is convinced this is true, he loses everything; he loses it all. His status, which consists of his thoughts and belief at that moment, is frozen for eternity. He could have been a big tzadik all his life, but lose it all at that crucial moment of in-between. This is the reason that it’s recommended for a loved one to say shema yisrael when one leaves the world. The soul is in a scared and confused state; it needs strength from any source it can get.

We tend to rush and lose our cool trying to get all things done before Shabbat. Please use caution during this period.

Sincerely,
Rabbi Avi Matmon
Spark of Jewish Experience