Tag Archive for Amalek

Ayin Hara, the World and receiving the Torah

June 16, 2016 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Asher Hurzberg,
Chaim Shmuelevitz zt’l, yossi Bilus, Ilan Feder

Timna, the mother of Amalek, was the concubine of Elifaz, the son of Eisav. One may find it odd that she was merely a concubine considering she was the daughter of a king and the sister of a prominent figure, Liytan. The reason for this was because she was under the strong belief of ‘better rather be a mistress to this nation than a queen to a different nation’, ‘this nation’ referring to Avraham and his children. In fact, she made her overtures to be the wife of Avraham, Isaac, and Yaakov but was rejected by all three; our forefathers did not accept her. So she settled for Elifaz. In a statement from Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz, which this dvar Torah is based from, he says the bitterness of being rejected by our ancestors became ingrained and transferred to Timna’s future genealogy. The rage Amalek has towards us stems from jealousy of Timna, that of being tossed away and not accepted. Rav Chaim asks “How can that be? It’s out of character of the persona and philosophy of Avraham. This is the great Avraham, whose teachings of G-d and the notion of bringing people back was his virtue. He was an expert of bringing people closer to G-d, to convert everybody and to take them under the wing of glory. The self-sacrifice he gave towards outreach is one of astonishment, and yet he turns and rejects an individual soul who understands the prominence and value of his family, and is willing to give up so much to be a part of it. One can say it’s very commendable on her part. The question remains, ‘Why didn’t they accept Timna?'”
Timna wasn’t accepted because she wasn’t worthy to be under the clouds of glory. Our ancestors saw through prophecy that she and her descendants carry in their genes very bad traits, and our fathers wanted no part of it. As one is familiar Amalek became our most bitter enemy. They have haunted us for thousands of years.What is their source of power?
The answer lies at the revelation at Sinai. In order to understand we have to delve into a very odd Jewish behavior that is based on a deep concept found in our Torah. Let’s explain.

It’s really scary what one can pick up living like a stranger in a strange land. As Rabbi Berel Wein, the Jewish historian says about Jews in Germany: “The Jews became better Germans then the Germans!” But if we examine our way of life, we find that there is a profound difference between Jews and Americans. They use Facebook to show off their whereabouts and latest vacations, however for the most part, we Jews are not so showoff-y. We have a certain fear and, you know what, that’s a Jewish thing. But regardless where the source originates, it’s downright peculiar how we react when G-d is or is about to shower us with blessings. For example, many of us do not disclose they’re dating someone seriously until they are engaged. Everything is under wraps, and all in the family household are sworn to secrecy not to disclose to no one that a family member is dating someone. Furthermore, if they can hide it, and not be seen, one pushes off the news of pregnancy until after three months. Some go further and don’t say anything till birth.

We have all have acted like ‘Mossad agents’ and experienced our friends doing the same. How can you not tell your best friend you were dating seriously? One can feel slighted. However that’s how many of us are and that is our society. That is our custom. Although, we’ve adopted much from the host country we are from, the root of “not to tell” is rooted in the very essence of our holy Torah.

Our society accepts the notion of not disclosing potential brachot until it actually happens. Some people never mention how many children they have. Big business deals are played down and the business is presented as “tough times” even though the one asked just made a “killing”, the deal of his life. If one passes by a street in Boro Park, the houses look very unassuming even though inside’s a palace where millions were spent.

We can attribute the down play of our success to two reasons. One, our holy Sages promote and preach modesty. It’s not just how we look but how we act. Secondly, the reason why people are reluctant to show off is because they are afraid of the evil eye. Interestingly, the Talmud approaches the subject of the evil eye very seriously. Rav says in tractate Baba Metzia, “99% of deaths have occurred from the result of the evil eye”.

These two reason have influenced the behavior of Jews throughout the generations. It’s a philosophy an approach which has become a tradition and is a mark on Jewish style and way of life. “We have to be unassuming” this is what the mainstream Sages have ingrained in us over the years. “This is the way of G-d”.

The source of the hidden philosophy comes from the Talmud “There is only bracha if it’s hidden from the eye.” Our Sages convey that the biggest bracha is children and regarding them we have to be as modest as can be. If one notices, the most common tradition to conceive children through marital relations is in the confines of the private bedroom at night in the dark under the covers where no one can see, not even the negative angels so the source, root of the bracha is hidden. To extend this idea further Rabbi Akiva Tatz morhidden.

In Chasidic teachings we are taught of the concept of tzimtzum – to trickle down. G-d spirituality trickles down in a minute portion. We don’t receive the abundance of love, it’s measured. This is essentially the same concept for G-d presence in the world is scarce.

Is it really the Jewish way? Is this what G-d wants? Is it really the way of G-d? Is hidden HIS philosophy? There is an incredible question told over to me by Rabbi Asher Hurtzberg posed by the Sfat Emet. If “unassuming” and “modesty” is the way to go, then why did we receive the Torah in such a spectacular way? Why was receiving the Torah hyped up to such an extent, where the whole world heard? The thunder and the lightning it was a sight to see, an extravaganza like no other. It’s uncharacteristic of the Master of the Universe to order such a hoopla event. It doesn’t flow with the program.

As a matter of fact, it did prove to be a negative, for shortly afterwards the Jews sinned with the golden calf. The Torah was showcased and we paid a heavy price. Presumably the Ayin Harah kicked in. Moshe broke the first Luchot. Death was brought back into the world. What a disaster!!

Perhaps we needed one of those Ayin Hara remover experts with heating lead on the stove to determine which people or nation gave us the evil eye. There is an entire cookbook of Ayin hara remedies.

However, the second Luchot-Tablets reverted back to G-d’s hidden philosophy. It was back to basics. There was not much fanfare. Seemingly, the fact that we had such trouble with the first ceremony strengthens our question. Why then was the original “receiving of the Torah” spectacular? Why go through all that?

The answer is plain black and white; quoiting the Torah in parshat Yitro (19:9) “So the people will hear as I speak to you, and they will also believe in you forever.”

G-d changed the philosophy of “hidden” one time and one time only “for many witnesses are more believable then few”. Here three million people witnessed the receiving the Torah and “the world heard and trembled”. The enormous breathtaking and dazzling display had an imprint on the world forever. It demonstrated to the world that the Jewish religion is different than other religion. No other can claim that they witnessed the spectacular event, the inception, the correlation of their religion. No other religion can claim that an entire nation saw and heard the recitation of at least some of the commandments from the voice G-d himself; Christianity nor the Muslims can make that claim. G-d did it in such a way that IT’S CLEAR THE TORAH WAS GIVEN AT MOUNT SINAI!! End of discussion.

However, there is one lingering question that is still very apparent. Why drag the world into our party? Can’t it just simply be only Jews Allowed? Why does it have to reach to the four corners of the world? Aren’t the Jews the only ones to have accepted the Torah?

For us to be the Ambassadors of the Master of the Universe we have the task to travel to all parts of the world. At times it seems like we are forced to leave our homes; our hosts were not gracious to us no more. The wondering Jew has to find different shelter in a different part of the world. It’s interesting, for it was designed that way from the revelation at Sinai. The wondering Jews have to make our presence to all four corners of the globe. Why?

The Torah describes how Moshe wrote on a rock the Torah in seventy different languages. What is the reason for this? What is our mission abroad?

The most evil nation in the world is Amalek. The Torah proclaims they should be wiped out. Interestingly we find out some of Amalek’s descendant became Torah scholars. How is that possible from the wicket righteous people emerge?

The world is divided into Kedusha and Tumah, holiness and impurity, good and evil positive and negative. Interestingly in order for an evil nation of the world to exist it needs elements of Kedusha. Evils needs the holy spark, it needs the holy power source and feeds from it. Evil (klipa) uses it as energy for their philosophies and negative power.

The task that we must accomplish is to take these Kedusha power source that was dispersed to the four corners of the world at Matan Torah-revelation at Mount Sinai and expose it as G-dly spirituality. We transform their existence to a positive spiritual. For this reason we recite in the prayer V’CHAROT which follows VAYEVARECH DAVID, all the 7 nation every time we recite we utter Hebrew words of their names and expose the sparks of Kedusha which resonates the atmosphere, place people into positive light’

What fuels Amalek and the enemies of the Jews is they were able to take the sparks from the Sinai revelation and to transform it to evil. What is outright deadly and powerful is the combination of these sparks mixed with the good intentions of Timna, the woman who wanted to connect to our ancestors but was denied. Amalek’s descendants are able to take that goodness, that Kedusha and build the most devastating weapon of evil for Kedusha is the spark that can be directed in either direction.

The spreading of the spark from the 1st Luchot and the translation by Moshe of the Torah in to seventy languages paved the way for Jews who live in the diaspora to strengthen themselves and use that spirituality in the host country’s language and soil to spread Kedusha, to spread G-d masterpiece to the world at large.

So in essence the first Luchot, the first spectacular receiving the Torah, accomplished its mission. It was worth a bit of Ayin Hara in order to be fulfil a broader important task, that of transferring the Master of the Universe’s Torah globally.

RUTH
One of the main reasons we read the book of Ruth, besides that the story takes place during harvest season which always comes out during the Shavuot holiday time, is that King David, who is a descendant of Ruth, died on Shavuot.
        The book of Ruth starts off where a prominent Jewish family led by the patriarch Elimelech, left Israel and settled in the outskirts of Moab. Elimelech was one of the wealthiest people in Israel and he foresaw troubled economic times ahead. He knew that he will be called upon to help with the financial burden laid upon his fellow Jews, and to be instrumental in bringing the country back on its feet. It would require a tremendous amount of generosity on his part, in which he was not ready to oblige.
        G-d gives certain gifts to people with the expectation that they will utilize them when the opportunity calls. However, if one doesn’t step up to the plate, G-d doesn’t need such an individual. So within a 10-year period, both Elimelech and his two sons – who both married non-Jews – died. Elimelech’s widow, Naomi, was heading back to Israel, her homeland, and saying her goodbyes to her two daughter-in-laws. However, one of them, Ruth, decided to follow her mother-in-law to Israel after a failed attempt to persuade her to go back to her country and family.
        They arrived in Israel during harvest season and Ruth, who converted to Judaism, asked Naomi, “Let me go out and glean in the fields.” It happened to be faith that Ruth was working on a parcel of land that happened to be owned by a man named Boaz, a relative of Elimelech. Boaz inquired who Ruth was; he then informed her, “My daughter, does not glean in other fields but this one.” He was impressed with her modesty and for all that she has done for her mother-in-law.
        Naomi informed Ruth that Boaz is one of the redeemers (goel). When someone dies childless, the next of kin has a duty to marry the widow. Boaz was one of those next-of-kin. (Similarly, Boaz’s ancestor, Yehuda, the son of Yaakov, our Forefather, practiced yibum with Tamar, his widowed daughter-in-law. However, Yehuda did not know she was Tamar. That passage in the Torah was the first in which we were introduced to that topic.)
        Naomi then gave Ruth the most peculiar instructions ever. She said, “Make yourself look nice and wait until Boaz finishes eating. Then go to him in the field as he lies down to go to sleep. He should not notice you; then lie down by his feet where then he will give you instructions what to do.
        Our courtship, today, is slightly different and more expensive. Has anybody ever been to a New York elegant kosher restaurant? I guess one can say different strokes for different folks. These instructions, which Ruth followed to the T, poses tremendous difficulty. There is a famous expression in the Torah “Before a blind man, don’t put building blocks.” It seems like a clear cut case of what we call here in Queens, seduction.
        Boaz had a routine before he retired for the night, which is a glass of wine and learning a set amount of Torah; he was a member of the 71 Judges. Later that night, he woke up from his sleep and noticed a woman by his feet; he then discovered it was Ruth and realized her intentions. “I’m not going to marry you here, my daughter. Although I am interested, but there is a goal before me. If he declines to redeem you then I shall marry you.”
        The next morning Boaz approached the no-name redeemer, who declined to go forth with redeeming Ruth, leaving Boaz the opportunity to do so. People, then, made the halacha mistake of prohibiting both men and women from Moab for marriage. Boaz who was well-versed in Jewish law, knew it was only the “men” who were prohibited. Boaz found 10 people and proceeded to marry Ruth. After their first night together, Boaz died; however, not before leaving his mark, a very important one. Ruth became pregnant with a son. Very strange, Ruth did not name the child nor raise him. The neighbors named him Oved and Naomi raised him.
        Rabbi Aderet gives us a clearer picture of the book of Ruth through the teachings of the Ari z’l. In order to explain his interesting interpretation, we have to fill one more piece of the puzzle.
        G-d summoned angels to destroy the cities of Sedom and Amora. The only family that did not comply with the atrocities of the two cities was Abraham’s nephew, Lot;  the angels got them out on time. Although, Lot attempted to save his future son-in-law, who is nameless, the-son-in-law didn’t take him up on his offer and subsequently died with the rest.
        Believing the whole world was destroyed, Lot’s daughters conjured up a plan to seduce and procreate with their father, where they both will take turns on consecutive nights. They will supply him with alcohol and he will not know what had occurred. Their plan succeeded and each got pregnant. Our sages criticize the oldest for calling her son, Mo-av, from the father. They teach that even though they did it for the continuity of the world, she shouldn’t have publicized a sin.
        The Ari z’l teaches a very important lesson about cohabitation. Children who come out from a man and woman where there is a mistaken identity, where one partner doesn’t know who they slept with, will cause spiritual damage to the offspring. This offense has to be fixed.
        Boaz, the Ari z’l says, is the reincarnation of Lot and Yehuda. Ruth is the reincarnation of Lot’s oldest daughter and Tamar (and in fact, throughout the story of Ruth, Boaz always referred to her as daughter just like Lot referred to his daughter.)
        Ruth was instructed to lay down by Boaz’s feet to see how is he going to react. Will he get seduced or will he marry her properly? Lot had a future son-in-law that never came to be because he didn’t want to leave Sedom, no name. Boaz had an uncle who refused to marry Ruth, no name. As punishment for naming your child (Lot’s daughter) after a sin, Ruth will not name or raise her child. Boaz ate and drank and learned Torah before cohabiting with Ruth. The Ari z’l says one should try to purify, somewhat, the experience. If one wants to have kids with positive energy, they should learn Torah, preferably with your spouse, before having intimate relations.
        There is a big Mitzvah to co-habit Friday night. The reason is because Adam didn’t listen to G-d, who said, “Be together Friday night;” Adam couldn’t wait. So, the first two children did not come out proper.

Terrorism, is there a solution?

February 11, 2016 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s  Berel Wein, Asher Hertzberg, Yossi Bilus and Dr. Abba Goldman,   Sara Esther Crispe

*Why did Eisav’s angel aim at the leg in hurting Yaakov?
*Why is Amalek, Eisav’ descendants so hated by G-d?
*It was only when Yosef was born, did Yaakov decide to move his family and leave his father-in- law Lavan’s house. What was so special about Yosef?
It was during the 1960’s and early 1970’s when antisemitism was on the rise, the Jewish Defense League was establishing itself as a strong arm Jewish group protecting Jewish citizens of New York after a slew of biased attacks.  Finally Jews can walk the streets safely without looking over their shoulder. Our people felt proud to have such an option coupled with the fact that they were surprisingly victorious in the Six Day War against the Arabs. One of the slogans that were pronounced   by the high energetic charismatic leader, Meir Kahana, was “Never Again”. This was implying that no one can start with the Jews. No more!!! The import of the slogan was that Jews would never again allow themselves to be slaughtered indiscriminately by those who hate them. It was not only the scope of the Holocaust and others like it throughout our history that would never again be repeated, but the idea behind those atrocities – that Jews should be killed merely for being Jewish – would also never again be tolerated.
 Well, the slogan has been proven wrong and even empty. Jews are being killed merely because they are Jews. They are being killed in cafes and banquet halls, outside synagogues and in the study halls of yeshivas, walking on the streets and driving their automobiles. The Jews who are being killed are old and young, Zionists and anti-Zionists, Left and Right, haredi and secular, militants and peaceniks.
 They are being killed wherever they can be found – in Gaza and the West Bank, Hadera and Netanya, Tel Aviv and Jerusalem. They are being killed in locations and neighborhoods that were Jewish-owned and populated before Arizona and New Mexico were admitted to the United States.
 The trend over the past century and especially in our current twisted times has been to try to discover the motives that drive people to kill other people. The victims being killed are many times unknown to their killers and are personally innocent of any guilt in their death. Their fault lay in being of a certain race, nationality, religious belief and even simply (and unfortunately) being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
When a terrorist attack strikes our country, our community, our home, fear sets in. Why? What is so traumatic about a terror attack? What differentiates terrorism from every other form of death? Why has the US government dedicated billions of dollars and resources to search for and eliminate terror cells throughout the world?
If we look at statistics, in the past 10 years, there have been roughly 8,000 people throughout the world murdered at the hands of terrorists. Yet in the last year alone, over 38,000 people were killed in the United States just from car accidents.
Logically, if terrorism scares us so much, we should be ten times as scared to get behind the wheel of our car. We should be petrified when our eighteen year old child goes behind the wheel for the first time. It’s not for nothing that car insurance for young adults is high; they’re reckless at that age. Driving on the freeway should be a terrifying experience to be avoided at all costs. And yet the majority of us do it, day after day, without a second thought. How many people stop and wonder if perhaps they should take public transportation to avoid the possibility of being killed in a car crash? How many people ensure that their family members never all travel together in the same car, lest they be in a crash?
                              
What is the source for this unique fear that the terrorists have put in our hearts?
Terrorists have not succeeded in the mass fatalities they would like to claim are possible. However, they have succeeded in one very important thing. They have accomplished something perhaps even more destructive than killing our bodies. They have managed to erode our sense of security, our hope, and our faith.
The negative force of terror has been with us since the dawn of human history. The names and faces and national identities of the terrorists change from place to place and from era to era, but the primordial force that drives them has a single name. It is Amalek.
The Torah teaches us that “G-d is at war with Amalek for all generations” (Exodus 17:16). “In every generation,” say our sages, “Amalek rises to destroy us, and each time he clothes himself in a different nation” (Me’am Loez, Devarim vol. 3, p. 977).
Amalek doesn’t just kill us-Amalek makes us doubt.
Our first encounter was long ago. Since that time, there have been many others. Yet our mission and commandment remains the same:
“Remember what Amalek did to you on the road, on your way out of Egypt. That he encountered you on the way and cut off those lagging to your rear, when you were tired and exhausted; he did not fear G-d. Therefore . . . you must obliterate the memory of Amalek from under the heavens. Do not forget.” (Deuteronomy 25:17-19)
 The Jews left Egypt by the miracle of G-d seen by the entire world. The Israelites seamed invincible. No one would dare to start with them. They were protected by G-d; they were the chosen nation. Amalek ruined the moment. They ruined the fine imprint of G-d. They diffused the G-dly moment and cast doubt that G-d is supreme.
Amalek’s danger is not in their ability to kill. Cars kill more. Amalek doesn’t just kill us-Amalek makes us doubt.
Cars do not seek to destroy us. Amalek plans and plots and aims to hurt us, to maim us and to murder us. And every time they do, they make us doubt more.
They make us doubt if we are safe, if we are secure, if we are taken care of. They try to paralyze us and make us think twice before continuing on with our daily lives. They try to show us how vulnerable we are and how nothing is as it appears. They make us doubt the very reality of ourselves, our lives, our G-d.
As the Torah commentaries point out, the numerical value of the Hebrew word Amalek equals that of the word safek, “doubt.”
 Amalek succeeded to instill this unsafe fear to a friend of mine, Jack Brooks. Jack canceled a trip to Israel in the summer of 2001 citing “it’s not safe to travel to Israel at this time”. However, if the Master of the Universe wants something to happen to you, it’ll happen whether it is in Israel or in Kansas City, Missouri. Interestingly, one morning, Jack, already engulfed in his work for about an hour, after coming at about eight, feels what presumably an earthquake is. A bit alarmed, at the slammed doors in the offices on his floor being abruptly shut, his supervisor not answering his page, he runs to look out the window.  Shockingly, he sees the adjacent tower engulfed in flames and people jumping out the windows. Looking down to the ground he sees tiny red spots. Apparently, the people in the Tower 1 jumped to their death trying to avoid the tremendous heat from what presumably was an explosion.
 It was seconds later when he felt another abrupt shake up. The lights and power went out, Jacks head’ immediate response “Get out!!” He runs to the staircase and vigorously pries open the door. There was smoke gushing from the stairwell. Helping others who were having a hard time go down the stairs he joined many in a rush to get out of the building. There was one direction going down the smoke filled stairwell, however there were firefighter trying to go up, against the current of people. In hindsight, we presumably know what happened to many of those firefighters.
 It seemed forever going down, however, there was a light at the bottom. Fifteen minutes after Jack escapes from tower 2, the building collapses in flames.
Jack Brooks was a part of history surviving 9/11 reciting Gomel in synagogue the following Shabbat. The following summer Jack booked a trip to Israel enjoying a wonderful vacation in the Holy Land.
This week’s parsha has a peculiar incident where Yaakov battles the evil angel of Eisav.  The Torah says they battle all night and in the morning Yaakov overcomes the angel. Victorious, however, he is left with a wound in his leg, thigh.  The obvious question is why the leg out of all the places? What’s the significance the Torah mentioning the thigh – leg?
When the Torah states – honor your parents for you will have a long life, long life means your life will be extended through your children. They will follow your philosophy; they will pass down your legacy. They will cherish what was important to you.
One of the important aspects of continuing ones legacy, after one passes on, is for the son to say Kaddish.  The children proclaim G-d’s authority in the world through the recitation of the Kaddish.  By doing so, it’s raising the spirit of the parents since the deceased parent cannot perform any mitzvoth. The parent’s first eleven months after death is crucial for that period determines where the soul will rest. Therefore, the children are described as being the legs of the parents. They, hopefully, will walk them, the parents who are idle, helpless, into Gan Eden. Therefore, as it is described by the Sages, the children are the legs of the parents.
However, sometimes, to our frightening nightmares kids don’t turn out quite what we expect.
This is what the angel of Eisav is focused on. This is what he is determined to destroy. He wants to destroy the legs, the children, by placing “doubt”, breaking the communication between parent and child, breaking the tradition, the chain that is crucial for our survival. By demoralizing that state of peace of mind, the tranquility, although we might be strong in dealing with our commitments, however, Amalek is targeting the youth. It’s no guarantee that they have the same sentiments.
RESULTS FROM FEAR
By creating fear, one does not maximize his potential. It debilitates him. He is scared to leave his home, to go to the park, to go where he wants to go, to think outside the box – he is constrained. He has doubts!
On an unfortunate recent terror attack in Israel my mother called her sister to ask her what the matzav-situation there is. How were they coping with all that terror?
My Aunt said to my mother that she can’t talk now, she’ll call later, and her kids are taking her out to a restaurant for her birthday. My mother retorted back “but isn’t the country on high alert?” She answered back “yes it is, but that isn’t going to stop us from doing what we want to do and what we enjoy. We need to live life and cannot let these animals dictate our lives”. “We can’t let them win”.
 However, our family history is one tainted with a terror attacks. I had a second cousin who was killed and never found in a plane explosion in 1974. In the early 1970’s planting bombs on airplanes was the choice method of terrorists.
 My grandfather was thrown off the train because he was Jewish, in Russia by terrorist, paralyzing him. He wasn’t able to make the planned escape to Israel with the family. Back in the 1930’s the only way to leave Russia was to be smuggled out of the country, an ordeal that my grandfather, in his condition would not have been able to do.  My father was raised in Israel without a father.  The cruel act had an impact on our family, on my father. One can choose to ignore what’s happening around you, that’s easy when you’re not targeted, however, when one is the target, they are tainted for life.
One very impactful way to combat terrorism is hinted in Yaakov’s sudden departure, after twenty two years, from his evil father-in-law’s house.
As soon as Yosef was born, Yaakov decided, it was time to leave Lavan’s house. Why Yosef and not any of the other brothers? What’s so special about Yosef? It’s inevitable that he will meet Eisav as soon as he leaves. Is there a connection between Yosef and Eisav?
Yaakov knew that Yosef has the power to overcome Eisav. Eisav is the epitome of impurity while Yosef is KEDUSHA-purity. Also the tribes will ask Eisav, “Why did you pursue your brother Yaakov?”Eisav will answer,” Hey, why did You pursue your brother Yosef?”, therefore silencing them. However, Yosef will ask “Why did you pursue Yaakov?”, and he will be unable to respond “My brothers mistreated me and I responded with kindness.” Thus he will succeed in silencing Eisav.
For this reason:  the Jewish people have the ability to overcome and destroy Eisav and all his power and terror. It’s the act of forgiveness, an act to look the other way that will enable to neutralize the enemy. Yosef’s priority was to unify the Jewish people, for that is the ticket to negate Eisav’s influence.
For this reason, the miracle of Purim, where Haman, who was descendant of Eisav, threatened to destroy the Jewish people, it was Mordechai and Esther who were the descendants of Yosef who led the ability to save the Jews from Eisav. It’s no coincidence that the Sages say that at the time of the miracle of Purim the Jews were never so united more than any other period. Perhaps, that’s the antidote, the peace among us, where then we can proclaim: “Never again!”

Is it possible to dance at two weddings?

December 3, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s Noach Isaac Oelbaum, Yissachar Frand, Asher Hurtzberg, Yossi Bilius


There is an expression in Hebrew, ‘You can’t dance at two weddings.’ I`m assuming it’s referring to the fact that you can’t be in two places at the same time or wear two different hats, two different faces; be yourself. Well I think that might be contrary to an interesting concept in our Torah, as it might be a necessity to make crucial adjustments in our personality to succeed in life.

The innocent, wet behind the ears yeshiva boy tricks his father into getting the bracha. In this week’s parsha we have one of the most bizarre twists in our holy Torah. Yitzchak, the elderly blind patriarch, expects to give the blessing to his eldest son Eisav. However, Yaacov intervenes, enters his father’s quarters, leads Yitchak to believe he is Eisav and steals the bracha. Perhaps, we presumably can learn that when opportunity knocks on our door, it requires us, at times, to conquer it at any cost? The goal is to be winners in the game of life. We have to be ruthless and stop at nothing to get what we want!! Life is not so easy. Much of the time, climbing the ladder of success seems like an uphill battle so we have to resort to desperate measures. Is that what we learn?

Strangely, Yaacov is perceived as a man of EMET-truth. Boy, it seems like the Torah has a different set of rules then…..Hey wait a minute!! The Torah is the prime source. It is the rule book. The measuring stick of all. Yaacov’s transformation in using trickery seems alarmingly out of character. What else does he have up his sleeve, besides a furry animal hide to make his Eisav costume look authentic? Actually, we notice, he is quite uncomfortable in the role. Why does he have to go through the agony? Why does he have to go through the mascaraed? What is the lesson that the Torah is trying to teach us?

One may notice that there is a pattern in our holy Torah, where we find a temporary transformation of character. Time after time, story after story, many of our heroes are transformed. It’s repeated to teach us a lesson. It’s a vital lesson in life, for we too are often confronted with having to play an undesirable role, a different part and therefore we must know how to survive.

Let us examine a number of our holy ancestors and perhaps we can make sense of how and why the Torah presented the incident of Yaacov in the manner it did.

King Shaul was the first king our nation had. Unfortunately, he was perceived as a tragic figure for he failed to make an important adjustment while Yaacov and Avraham succeeded in dealing with changes that had to be made. This cost him the kingdom.

At the time of the exodus from Egypt, Amalek traveled hundreds of miles to ambush the newly freed nation in the hope of destroying them. We, as a nation, did not pose any threat to their sovereignty. They lived to the east of Canaan and were not among the Seven Nations occupying Eretz Yisroel. Nevertheless, their irrational hatred against G-d and us compelled them to attack a harmless and seemingly defenseless nation. In the aftermath of their attack we were commanded to always remember the evil that is Amalek.
In the year 2883 – 878 b.c.e., King Shaul was sent by G-d to destroy the nation of Amalek. Agag was their king, and it was a singular moment in history when every member of Amalek was in one place at the same time. A window of opportunity had arrived. The king had a mission. Shaul, as per Shmuel Hanavi’s instructions, was successful in destroying Amalek. However, Shaul had mercy and allowed the king, Agag, to remain alive, as well as the captured cattle. The commentaries state that in the interim, Agag was able to impregnate a maidservant, from which the nation of Amalek would survive. G-d told Shmuel that Shaul’s neglect of His command to totally destroy Amalek must result in Shaul losing the right to be king. Despite Shmuel’s prayers for mercy, Hashem didn’t relent, and Shmuel went to tell Shaul of G-d’s punishment.
This grave sin of Shaul came back to haunt our people. The connection to Purim is well documented. Haman, the second in command of the Persian Empire, is called, “the Agagi”. He was a direct descendent of Agag. Haman wanted to annihilate Israel.

In accepting G-d’s mercy and justice, we are forced to acknowledge our limited understanding. The notion of killing men, women and children is thankfully foreign and cruel to us. Nevertheless, Shaul was commanded to wipe out the entire nation.

When Shaul finally realized his sin, Shaul explains that the reason he spared the Amalek animals is because that is what the people wanted. Shmuel responds harshly to Shaul, “Even if you are small in your own eyes, you are the leader of the Tribes of Israel.” This is not the time or place for modesty. True, that is your natural inclination and normally it is a good inclination, but your particular mission in life at this time is to rise above that. This mission was something Shaul failed to accomplish and as a result he was stripped of the monarchy.

‘Shaul was compassionate to the enemy and he was cruel to his own people.’ This is in reference to the eighty kohanim he killed who gave David shelter.
On the other hand, at the end of the chapter, Shmuel asks that the Agag, King of Amalek be brought before him. Agag, when brought before Shmuel, proclaimed, “Truly the bitterness of death has passed.” (Achen sar mar hamaves) [Pasuk 32]

Most commentaries interpret Agag’s ambiguous remark to be a resignation to the fact that his time was now up. He no longer has to fear the bitterness of death because death was now upon him. However, the Ralbag interprets differently. The Ralbag says that Agag was saying the reverse. When he saw the Shmuel HaNavi, he proclaimed: “Now, I am spared. This is my lucky day. I am not going to be killed!”

The Ralbag explains that in encountering Shmuel’s countenance, Agag was impressed with his great compassion and mercy. He said to himself, “This man is the epitome of gentleness and kindness. Such a person will never kill me.”

But Shmuel looked straight at Agag and proclaimed, “Just as your sword made women childless, so shall your mother be childless among the women.” “And Shmuel split (vayeshasef) Agag before Hashem in Gilgal.” [Pasuk 33] The verb vayeshasef means he cut up Agag in four pieces. This gentle and frail prophet first cut Agag in half with a sword and then cut him again down the middle into four pieces.

What happened to Shmuel’s gentleness? What happened to his compassion? This was the occasion in his life when his mission called for him to overcome his natural inclination. He had to act in a way that was different than he would normally be inclined to act. He had to go beyond who he was to satisfy G-d’s Will.

Our purpose in this world is to do what we need to do, despite who we are. Shmuel met his challenge to do that. Shaul did not.

The message of having to be forced to use the opposite character trait to perform mitzvoth is found clearly with the patriarch we call Mr. Chessed (kindness), Avraham. In the beginning of Parshat Vayera we find Avraham, in the piercing heat, waiting for guests despite just being circumcised. Hachnasat orchim- receiving guests was his trademark. His compassion for his fellow human being was unprecedented. Interestingly at the end of the very same parsha we find Avraham doing what many would consider cruel savagery as he was prepared to slaughter his son. Avraham at that very moment turned off his Ahava-love of G-d and turned on his fear of G-d. The ability to transform from his natural instinct and natural character is quite commendable.

G-d tells Avraham, “Now I know that you are G-d fearing.”(22,12.) Avraham was a tzadic before. What is G-d referring to when he mentions, “Now I know”? The Vilna Goan teaches us that Man is not complete until he performs two opposite character traits for good. If he only performs one he is not considered a tzadic.

It’s easy to perform kindness when your natural instincts are compassion. The same applies to Yaacov, whose honesty is second nature, and would find lying appalling and nauseating.

The Torah does not provide specific reward for its commandments with the exception of two: Honor your father and your mother, and Shiluach Haken – to send away the mother bird first when one wants to take the chicks or the eggs. Regarding both mitzvoth the Torah says he will enjoy long life.

There is not a mitzvah of more chessed then taking care of parents, especially old and cranky parents. What is the old expression? One parent can take care of ten kids; however, ten children can’t take care of one parent? The chessed is enormous; it’s performed daily. However, there is no crueler commandment then Sheluach hakan. This is the ultimate cruelty. Imagine, shooing the mother bird and taking her chicks! The Torah, though, links the two commandments. They are polar opposites but share the same reward. The Torah teaches us one can do a mitzvah with two traits quite the opposite of each other and get the same reward. There is no such thing as a bad trait, whether it be anger, jealousy, or even murder. Every trait can be used for either good or evil.

Yaacov used his tools to the utmost. When the situation demanded, when he was dealing with a Lavan, he told Lavan, “I am your match in trickery. You cannot pull a fast one on me.”

Yitchak loved Eisav, whose job it was to take care of his younger brother. Eisav was outgoing; he was street smart; no one could pull the wool under his eyes. Yaacov, on the other hand, was learning in Yeshiva presumably for the rest of his life. This is perfectly acceptable for the world needs goodness in the highest level. Rivka knew better. She knew Eisav not only wouldn’t be able to take care of Yaacov but he wouldn’t be able to manage himself. His evil inclination was dominating him. Yitchak, shockingly, realized after Yaacov tricked him, “How in the world did he pull that one off? I didn’t know he had it in him, that he had the qualification to be great and lead the world.” Yaacov used trickery – the polar opposite of EMET – to get the bracha. In order to grow in the world one has to go against his nature even though it’s very difficult. If one believes in something he must get it done any which way possible using all his tools in the tool box. One has to learn to dance at two weddings.

JERUSALEM – THE UNITED CITY
Every one of us has a connection to the land of Israel. When we do go to the holy land, it’s pretty much a given – a visit to Jerusalem is expected. One feels spiritually uplifted, especially when visiting the KOTEL.
This week, Yaakov, our forefather has the “famous dream”. He camps out in this PLACE. The famous place is where the Temple mount stands, today. Yaakov takes twelve little stones and surrounds them around himself as he’s about to go to sleep. When he gets up the next morning, the twelve stones have become one. According to the Zohar this stone became the foundation where the world stands and it runs deep inside the earth under the Temple mount.
Our TORAH HAKEDOSHA can be understood on many levels. One level is using “the same word” method. There were evil people in the time of Avraham, who build a tower, so they can climb way up and destroy G-d. Although their intentions were bad, the fact that they were united – they were not destroyed! However, even though G-d loves unity, it was for the wrong reasons and any unity for the wrong reasons doesn’t last!
The scripture describes the tower in Parshat Noach by stating: ” VE ROSHO BA SHAMAYIM- its head is in the sky”. In this week’s parsha when Yaakov dreams, he dreams of a ladder and its head reaches the sky – VE ROSHO (there’s that word again) MAGIYA SHAMAYMA.
The Sages learn from it that there are two unities: one ROSHO – for evil and one ROSHO – for G-d. This spot, where the Temple mount is located and where the first and second stood, and where the future third Temple will stand. As long as the Jews are united for the right reasons, the Temple will be built. The twelve stones represent the twelve tribes of Israel united, fused together by one central being, G-d. This place -MAKOM – the temple is a representation of unity and peace. There was never any metal allowed to enter into the Temple because metal represents war. Our Shabbat table in many ways represents an altar that was an important vehicle in the temple. Many communities have the tradition to take the metal knives off the table when the grace after meal is recited. We do this to show a sign of peace, a sign of unity.
The united city doesn’t mean being united with other countries. It’s a place where all the Jews are supposed to be united. When we are unified then we will be allowed to build the Temple and live there in peace! May we see the rebuilding of the Third Temple in our times very soon!

 

Anti-semitism and emotions

February 26, 2015 parshat Tetzaveh No comments

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s  Berel Wein,  Henoch Leibowitz z’l, Akiva Grunblatt,  Yaacov Menkin, Akiva Tatz and Dr. Abba Goldman


Who was the greatest Jewish King we ever had?
Chizkiyahu (Hezekiah) succeeded Achaz as King of Judah. He was the greatest of all Jewish Kings, excluding David and Solomon. There are opinions that he was the greatest of all Kings including David and Solomon! That’s interesting!! How can anybody be chosen over David as the greatest of all Jewish monarchs. Perhaps, we should explore why this opinion places Chizkiyahu in such high esteem.
It’s vital to bring out an important point in order to understand the answer to our question. Let’s bring an example. My grandfather, Moshe Kimyagaroff, was one of the captivating chazanim in Israel in the 1940’s and 50’s. When a chazzan has his hypnotic moment on the congregation, any interruption will ruin the appreciation of his skill. Apparently, the moment is very special and has great value because it sprouts within anybody who is listening to an enormous amount of emotions. The power of music can be very moving.
 This leads us to ask a question about us – Jews. We pride ourselves of being intelligent people.  Our am Yisrael learns plenty of Torah, Baruch Hashem. It is often expressed that Gemara sharpens the mind. So, if that’s the situation, what is in the forefront for our illustrious people, emotion or intellect?

This Shabbat we have a special, additional Torah reading, Parshas Zachor. That text (Devarim, 25: 17-19) teaches us the mitzva to remember to wipe out Amalek. Amalek is the descendant of Eisav, Yaacov – our forefather’s brother.
Parshas Zachor is the only Torah reading in the entire year which we are all obliged to hear — men and women — as a mitzva de’oraita (a Commandment specified explicitly in the Torah).
However, it’s interesting to note. There are no modern maps with “Amalek” listed. There is no Amalekite government, no UN representative, not even an Internet Country Code. The only people remembering Amalek are the Jews, and we have a Commandment to destroy their memory. It would seem that the best way to perform this Mitzvah is also the easiest — namely, to forget the whole thing.
Why, one may ask, is it so hard to find or identify an Amalekite?
Our Sages tell us that Sancheriv,(705 – 681 BC) the Assyrian king, forced the many nations that he conquered to leave their homelands and settle elsewhere. As a result of these mass population movements, the Sages say, we can no longer identify the nations to which the Torah refers — e.g., Amalek — with the present-day inhabitants of the lands that bear those historic names.
It seemed Sancheriv’s decision to relocate the original inhabitant was a homerun. No one will ever dispute his authority; no one will ever rebel. The reason for this is immigrants are not patriotic. They don’t care about the government, its laws and its people. For the most part, they want to succeed financially. This is their focus, negating much of the French benefits that the host country offers. Their children will enjoy the money earned by the hard working immigrants. However, the kids would be more patriotic then the parents. But that process takes many years and by then Sancheriv would have a firm hold on the country.  A basic example is no babysitter will care and do a better job taking care of the baby then the mother.
 That was the master plan, switch everybody around and rule the world. Sancheriv was able to sleep at night knowing the his empire is secure.
Who are Eisav’s descendants today? Who are the prime candidates?  It seems as if history has caused a split in Eisav’s personality (Amalek’s ancestors), so-to-speak, spreading his characteristics amongst his many descendants of Edom, which can include people as diverse as Russians, Italians, and Americans. This was partially due to Sancheriv’s mixing up the nations a couple of thousands of years ago when Assyria controlled the world of that time. (Brochot 28a)
For this reason, the power of Eisav has dissipated somewhat, limiting his ability to control the world and truly due to Yaakov’s descendants what he set out to do from the beginning – annihilate them. However, should the various parts of Eisav’s personality reunite in a coalition of nations, especially against Yaakov, then WATCH OUT!
However, it’s all speculations, on the whereabouts of Amalek and who they are might very well be a fruitless and perhaps dangerous witch-hunt in trying to locate such brutes. The key to understanding the commandment though lies in the verse that the Torah says about him: ” Who happened upon you (“asher korcha”) when you were on the road, after you left Egypt.” The key word here is “korcha.” In addition to its literal meaning (“happened upon you,”), this word is also rich in allusions. Thus, Chazal add: Amalek “cooled you off” (from the word “kor” –cold), reducing the warmth of your relationship with G-d.
 We see a pattern in the Torah where G-d invokes a tough response to those who defuse the spiritual obeisance. When Yitzchak was born to Avraham and Sarah, G-d’s representatives, his ambassadors in this world, after so many years, it was proclaimed a miracle. Naturally, they couldn’t have kids, however, its G-d that runs the show. But there was one person who belittled Yitzchak, who was the first baby born tiny – Og – the giant was nasty.  All the babies born till then were delivered fully developed. By making fun of tiny Yitzchak, saying “this little thing can’t survive”, he downplayed the miracle. G-d’s response was “the descendents of this little thing as you call him – will end your life”. The Jews of Moshe’s time disposed of Og.
 Another example: when Moshe hit the rock after G-d instructed him to speak to it. By hitting the rock Moshe missed an opportunity to enhance the moment to a great spiritual height. Speech is man’s precious commodity and should be used in the appropriate time.
It seems like something got away of spirituality; there was a divide between G-d and man, a barrier where one doesn’t have the ability at least for a moment, not to see clearly.
 Dr. Abba Goldman says: “one has to use emotions properly, at times it’s important to let your enthusiasm take over, however, at times emotions can be dangerous and one has to hold back; one has to use measure of control.”
  A prime example is the story of Esther on Purim.
Haman, the Amalekite, convinced king Achashveirosh to sign a decree killing all Jews at a certain date. Not known to the king his new Queen, which he has grown fonder and fonder towards her, over the short time since her being chosen, is Jewish. Esther, the Queen, devises a plan, carefully orchestrated, largely, with the help of her uncle, Mordechai. Esther will invite Haman to a dinner party that only will have the company of herself, the king and Haman, where she will disclose that “one evil man, intends to destroy my people”. Achashveirosh, at that point in time, is mesmerized with the charming Esther, will no doubt stop the decree.
 The bait was set and taken. All three were at the table and Esther, on cue ready, stands, to point the finger at Haman, as Achashveirosh asks “who is this person” (that wants to destroy your people). At that moment, strangely, the Sages say – Ester pointed the finger at Achashveirosh, indicating that he is that wicked, anti-Semite who wants to destroy the Jews. Quickly an angel came and redirected the finger at Haman.
  The sages asked, what was she thinking? All you had to do is follow the script. Why mess it up now? You’re so close to a successful mission!!
 The reason: why Esther acted that way is because of stress. Perhaps, the readers are familiar with stress. Under duress, Esther let her emotions take over for the reason that emotion is extremely powerful component found in all of us. When the emotions are distracted one can’t think straight.
WHY DO WE DRINK WINE ON PURIM?

 

 The simple explanation of the passage “When wine goes in, the secret comes out”, is when people get drunk, they blurt out what is in their heart, which is often embarrassing. Rabbi Akiva Tatz has a different explanation quoting the mystics. “What’s the secret”? He explains, “When wine goes in, one sees life in a clearer picture. He becomes more spiritual, discovering deep ideas and a thinking pattern that can never be expressed with words. Words are limited; they are specific, and one who consumes wine can never express the feelings he experiences”.

 The Talmud tells us that on Purim one should drink until he does not differentiate between “blessed is Mordechai and cursed is Haman.” This is not an encouragement to reach an unconscious drunken stupor; there is a more profound explanation. Perhaps, we are being told that on Purim we should utilize the power of wine to remove the obstacles between head and heart, to facilitate this internalization process so that we do not just know this, but to assure we bring it beyond the realm of the intellect into the emotions. The wine helps obliterate the cold nature, to break the barrier that doesn’t make us see clear.
 When a Jew drinks – the loving nature, the warmth, should emerge not the anger and coldness.
Our task and G-d’s task are different ones. G-d protects us from the physical Amalek, while it is our responsibility to battle the Amalek, i.e., the evil, within each of us. Moreover, G-d’s ability to destroy the physical Amalek’s of the world is dependent upon our destroying our own Amaleks. This is the meaning of the Gemara (Chullin 139a) which states: “Where is G-d alluded to in the Torah? In the verse (Bereishit 3:11), `Hamin ha’etz’ / From the tree from which I commanded that you not eat, did you eat?'” When Adam committed the first sin in history, he made possible the existence of Haman and Amalek. (Haman was a descendant of Amalek.). One of the key methods in accomplishing that goal is with the right emotions. It is vital that we not allow the Amalek-kor-cold emotions to take over us. Our emotion has to be channeled correctly.
 Perhaps, David was able to accomplish more in his tenure as King however, as Rabbi Akiva Grunblatt, Rosh Yeshiva of Chaffetz Chaim, says Chizkiyahu was able to master his emotions in the area of bitachon-trusting G-d. A sensitive area where one can lose appreciation of the moment if he lets the Amalek in him to take over.
When an incident happens in our lives – our first reaction is with our emotions, that’s what strikes first, so it’s very important to be able to use our head and not to be compulsive in the heat of the moment.

Have you ever been Bullied?

January 27, 2014 G-d and Us, MUSSAR HASKEL/ A Lesson, Sensitivity To Others No comments
Advice and insights from Doctor Robert Goldman Psychologist at Yeshiva Chaffetz, Rabbi Isaac Oelbaum, excerpts  from the teachings of Rav Henoch Leibowitz, also excerpts from “The New York Times and The Miami Hearold”

Is intimidation a way of life?  Or perhaps one can say being intimidated is an initiation to life. Does the reader recall being tormented by a classmate, fellow worker, a friend, or I should say an ex-friend? Everybody has had a bully at one point in his life; it’s part of life. If he was spared the bullying throughout childhood years, the tormentor may found him in high school. Perhaps it happened in freshman year of college. How difficult was it, or perhaps still is, to show up to class, or to the office, knowing that this monster will be there, ready to pounce on you, the first opportunity it gets?

 

We learn a valuable lesson from this week’s parsha from the interaction between the Tormentor, Eisav , his descendant Amalek, and our forefather, Yaakov. But, first let’s examine a bazaar situation that occurred recently.

 

“For the entire season-and-a-half that he was with the Miami Dolphins, he attempted to befriend the same teammates who subjected him to the abuse, with the hope that doing so would end the harassment.
A puzzling question is asked:
How do you bully a 6-foot-5, 300 pound, ferocious player (starting offensive tackle) in the National Football League?

This is not the first question that should come to mind in the wake of the hazing story coming out of the  Dolphins’ locker room during the past week (hazing is the practice of rituals and other activities involving harassment, abuse or humiliation used as a way of initiating a person into a group). The proper response is to mourn the absence of civility in the N.F.L. and to demand that Richie Incognito, the player accused of bullying and threatening a teammate, Jonathan Martin, to be exiled from the league.

 

But in a league defined by its violence, where every player aspires to impose his will on opponents, how does bullying become so intense that a massive football player stands up, leaves the team and simply goes home?

 

Did Incognito, a veteran with a checkered history and a reputation as a dirty player, do this on his own? Or did he have the help and participation of teammates who went along for the ride?

 

In Miami, it was apparently a combination of the two.

 

Judging from their reactions, some of Incognito’s teammates enjoyed watching Martin being used as the butt of jokes.

 

Incognito has been suspended indefinitely by the Dolphins, accused of crossing a long-established line of rookie hazing to torment Martin. Yet Dolphins cornerback, Will Davis, said to reporters earlier this week of Incognito: “He’s a funny guy. Everybody loves him.”

 

Wide receiver Mike Wallace was more effusive.

 

“I love Richie,” he said. “I think he’s a great guy. He’s an intense guy. Everybody knows that. I think he was just being Richie.

 

“I love playing with Richie. I wish he was here right now.”

As if the N.F.L. didn’t have enough headaches on and off the field between concussions, drug testing, and crime, now the commissioner has to deal with bullying in the locker room.

 

I’ve been in plenty of locker rooms, from grammar school through high school and college, and things can be raunchy. There is a lot of name-calling.

 

By the time the players reach the N.F.L., a billion-dollar business played by millionaires, one would hope, they have flushed this out of their systems.

 

Clearly, that is not the case. Though on teams with great leadership, locker-room tensions don’t usually reach the commissioner’s office. Now that these have, Roger Goodell, must deal with Incognito. A lifetime ban would be too harsh. But a suspension, possibly for the rest of the season, even if the Dolphins were inclined to bring Incognito back, which they do not seem to be, seems fair. That, and a stern message to the players that the days of hazing young players, everything from making rookies pay for dinner to carrying veterans’ bags, are over.

 

My concern for Martin is how this will mark him for the rest of his career. Many are paying lip service to how terribly he has been treated, but in locker rooms and team offices, and not just in Miami, there may always be whispers that Martin is “soft.”

 

The N.F.L. is not the Boy Scouts. Professional football is not an ordinary workplace. In a world where most fans make their livings, corporations would look at Incognito’s resumé and run the other way. In the N.F.L., personnel directors might look at Incognito, crude, troubled and violent, but also a former Pro Bowler, and say, “He’s our kind of guy.”

 

As for Martin, at another time and in a different context, he would be lauded for refusing to be provoked. He obeyed the biblical decree to turn the other cheek, that “if someone hits you on the side of your face, let him hit the other side too.”

 

It’s a wonderful sentiment. But the N.F.L. has its own bible, and that passage isn’t in it.

It seems like a 300 pound football player is having a difficult time in his working environment. How do we fair in our workplace?

 

       I asked our good doctor, whom always provides us with his intuitive insights, Dr. Robert Goldman, Psychologist of Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim, about the subject of bullying. He said “There are people who enjoy making others squirm. They love playing the dictator role; “I’m in command  and you are nothing” “.
       Lets explore the behavior of kids for instance. The nicest children can become the biggest bullies as a result of their insecurities. They want to be leaders at the expense of putting down others. These bullies pick on children that they know can not stand up for themselves; they pick on individuals that have no self confidence. They rally others against the victim feeling good that they were the ones who controlled the momentum, the situation and emotions of others. “Teachers”, he continues, “make a big mistake in telling the victim to come to them when someone bullies them. This in flames the tormentor even more. Although the teachers are in control of the class, they, for the most part, are not present at recess and after school. It leaves the victim hung out to dry”. The doctor continues with a grin “What the victim should do is fight back!! He should punch them in the mouth. When the tormentor see’s that there is opposition; the victim is standing up for themselves; when he sees that there are strong consequences, he’ll say “it doesn’t pay to bully again, at least for this victim.”

       “One of the classic memorable  episodes of the science fiction series Star trek where one of the characters, unknowingly, is able to bring back people from his past. “Be careful what you think” . This someone happened to be his biggest tormentor when he was a youth at the academy.”
       On two occasions in high school, I got into a fight with bullies and they never bothered me again. They were surprised I stood up for myself and one was even more surprised that I hit him in the eye with a right hook. When I responded to his request of “lets fight” with a yes, he was surprised as the room was beginning to get filled to see the fight. Nevertheless fighting should be a last resort, as we will soon learn.

How can you fight back against the non-Jews, especially when some of them are so powerful?

In many cultures we the Jews had our share of anti-Semitism. There is a common misconception that this time we’ll show some muscle. We have our slogan “Never again”. Yada yada yada. However, winning battles against the enemy was not done with our physical strength. The Jew fights back with his intellect; we have to be clever. The good doctor gives an example of  an anti-semite and someone who was more or less neutral, were running for office in a Polish town, many years ago. The Jews saw that they didn’t have enough votes to beat out the anti-Semite so they decided to give money to the anti-Semite. Basically they supported the Jew-hater. After the election the anti-Semite, who happened to win the election, was very supportive of the Jewish cause. What transpired was that the Jews learned from their history, particularly this week’s parsha, and how Yaakov, our forefather, had a 3 step plan – 1) flattery and bribes, 2)prayer and, as a last resort, 3)war. The flattery and bribe worked.
       Amalek, which is Eisav’s decedents, have been known to be our biggest bullies over the course of history. They have always had an intense hatred, manifested by their ferocious cruelty towards us. However, besides the incident in this week’s parsha, where Eisav comes with 400 solders, not with the intent to just bully Yaakov, but to kill him outright, one can say, through their previous dialogue, there was no trace of bullying. As a matter of fact they left each other in peace.
       What, then, transpired that they became public enemy #1?
       In order to understand why Eisav’s descendants turned out to be such monsters, we have to explore one of the dramatic moments in the Torah; the moment when Yosef revealed to his brothers that he was indeed their long lost brother, whom they sold. At the moment of his announcement they felt a terrible sense of embarrassment. What were they embarrassed about?  We assumed because they sold him as a slave. Not quite, the brothers were ashamed of their cruelty that they expressed when he was pleading with them to take him out of the dangerous pit. They heard his cry but showed no mercy. Instead, the brothers sat down and had a meal. At their moment of remorse they were afraid that they would lose their status as G-d representatives. ACHZARUT, cruelty, breeds cruelty. The brothers were concerned how they were desensitized to the situation at hand.
       We each have in our DNA a repertoire of character traits that are ready to sprout up, weather positive or negative. When that particular trait finally emerges, it can mutate and, in time, be a significant part of our personality. Therefore the child who bullies is susceptible to intensifying the character trait of cruelty. This trait can pass down to one’s descendants.
       Eisav’s eternal hate towards his brother manifested itself and intensified in his descendants. When the exhausted and displaced Israelite nation passed through the splitting of the see and into the dessert, Amalek were the first to greet them with an army ready for war. One can see the cruel intensity by the designed timing of there attack.
       We must be aware of the magnitude of the consequences of the bully and the victim. When children are involved in this action, one has to realize that the intimidator is starting his career, while the victim might incur scars for life.
PUTTING THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE  INTIMIDATOR/VICTIM
       Mazal is Mazal; some are born with making money and it’s quite easy for them. Others have to resort to extensive, deeply concentrated, tearful prayers in order for Hakadosh Baruch Hu to budge and throw them a bone or two, if they’re lucky!!
       Such was the case of a very poor shoe maker, Shmuel, who’s mazal drastically changed when his long lost cousin died. (I often ask myself, why don’t I have these long lost cousins?) Shmuel inherited his fortune and within days his friends and family began to treat him differently. They offered him a closer seat to the bima in shul, where eventually, he became the president. Shmuel moved to a nicer block and a bigger house. People made sure to say hello to him in the street.
       There is one thing that Shmuel dreamed of more than anything in the world and that is he wanted his daughter to marry the Rabbi’s son. Shmuel began to use many of his contacts and resources to make that dream possible. One day, one of the matchmakers calls Shmuel and tells him that the Rabbi’s family agreed and are interested in his daughter. It seemed Shmuel was more excited than the girl, waiting anxiously after their dates and asking how it went. One day, the daughter comes home excited and said he proposed!!
       At the wedding, Shmuel was gleaming from ear to ear as the chupah started. However, not all the guests were happy for Shmuel. His old shoemaker buddies were jealous. When Shmuel, the kallah’s father, was called to recite one of the sheva brachot, one of his old jealous friends just couldn’t take it anymore. He gets up, takes off his shoe, and screams out “Hey, Shmuel the shoemaker, my shoe tore. Can you fix it?” Everybody in the hall was silent. Shmuel was so embarrassed and humiliated that he fainted. “Quick, someone call Hatzalah!” someone yelled out. Unfortunately, there was nothing anybody could do for poor Shmuel. He had a massive heart attack and died.
       One can say, in the heavens, his jealous friend would be accountable for Shmuel’s death. However, there is someone who is more responsible. That is Shmuel himself. One has to realize Shmuel should not have been embarrassed. G-d gave him the money. If he would have faith in G-d, he would realize G-d runs the world. He should have felt fortunate that G-d transformed him from a poor shoemaker to accumulating nice wealth. It wasn’t he who earned it. Once an individual begins to believe I made the money, the inflated ego sets in and he’s bound to get hurt and humiliated and fail the test.
       Everyone in life is faced with a tormentor. Some of us encounter them at every juncture of our lives. One has to know how to deal with them and realize its not the arrow but the shooter; its not the tormentor but G-d who’s testing us.

The Secret is Esther

August 27, 2013 Purim No comments

It was pretty obvious that Esther was destined to be the queen. Mordechai spent all the effort required to prevent this and tried to hide her from being exposed. The name Esther means hidden. What’s puzzling is that many commentaries say that she was not Mordachai’s niece but actually his wife.

 

There are two important hints that Sages are disclosing to us about Esther. She is the descendant of King Shaul and the comparison to our matriarch Sarah, Abraham’s wife.

 

The Sages bring an interesting passage relating the time when she prays to G-d in which she beseeches:

 

“My G-d you have forsaken me. Why have the order of the world and the order of the matriarchs changed to go against me? Sarah was held captive and Pharaoh was punished. I have been placed in the bosom of a wicked man all these years and you have made no miracles for me”.

 

Ester was Queen over 127 countries, the same amount of years that Sarah lived. Sarah was taken from her husband, however was saved from living with Pharaoh. Esther was not. For whatever reason, the soul of Sarah which might very well be Esther had to go through the torture of living with a barbaric king.

 

The connection to her ancestor, King Shaul, is revealed when Mordechai informs Esther to go to the king now. She protests and says he didn’t call me. No one goes to the king without being called. Mordechai answers in a most unusual way and says that if you don’t go, someone else will  be the one chosen to do this important mission. You and your ancestors will be lost.

 

Esther was the secret weapon to fix the mistake of her ancestor, King Shaul, who did not kill off all of the Amalekim (the nation that’s an enemy to the Jews). She has now come to kill off Haman who is from the genealogy of Amalek.

Parshat Vayishlach

May 9, 2013 Highlights No comments

“A Cup of Coffee 

 

&

A Quick Thought”
Steaming Cup of Coffee
Spark Of Jewish Experience
  Vayishlach

December 8, 2011
12 Kislev, 5772
Dear Friends,

 

In appreciation to the staff of The Afikim Foundation for all their help, and to Torahanytime.com for giving us the mic.

 

We are now displaying business ads in our newsletter. If you are interested in placing an ad, please email me or call 917-804-7692. It’s completely tax deductible and the proceeds go to teaching people Torah. Be a part of the Mitzvah!

 

Please print out this newsletter and say over a great D’var Torah at the Friday night Shabbos table.

 

Please forward to a friend and be a partner in spreading Torah.

 

Dedicate a newsletter, shuir and a CD in memory of a loved one.

 
In This Issue
Parshat Vayishlach Highlights
Parshat Vayishlach – Public Enemy #1
What Is Your Favorite Season?
Do You Take Care of Yourself?

 Parshat Vayishlach Highlights
 

* After hearing Eisav gathered 400 hundred men en-route to kill him, Yaacov sent angels ahead to greet his brother and try to soften his stance – second portion.

 

* Yaacov put together an arrangement of gifts for his brother, Eisav. We learn here the importance of diplomatic negotiations in dealing with your foes.
* Yaacov fights with Eisav’s angel and is injured – third portion.
* Yaacov and Eisav meet – fourth portion.
* Eisav goes home to the land of Seir.
* Yaacov and his family arrive in Shechem – fifth portion
* Yaacov’s daughter Dina is raped by Shechem.
* Shimon and Levi, 2 of the 12 sons of Yaacov, trick Shechem and the entire town by convincing them we will intermarry with you only after the males in the city get circumcised. On the third day since the communal circumcisions, Shimon and Levi came and killed all the males in the town of Shechem. They also rescued their sister, Dina.
* G-d said to Yaacov go to Bet El and make me an altar (place where Yaacov had his dream).
* G-d gave an additional name to Yaacov, Israel – sixth portion.
* Rachel gives birth to Benyamin completing the 12 tribes, and soon after dies.
* Rachel is buried on the way in Bet Lechem.
* Isaac dies, and both his sons, Yaacov and Eisav, bury him.
* Genealogy of Eisav is being told over – seventh portion.

 

 

 

 

Parshat Vayishlach – Public Enemy #1

 

             The genealogy of Eisav’s children is being spelled out at the end of parshas Vayishlach. There is a very interesting story involving the grandmother of PUBLIC ENEMY #1 which the Jews despise the most, Amalek. Amalek, who was Eisav’s grandson and his descendant, have given the Jews the most pain and sorrow from all our foes. What’s the reason our confrontations with him were always so bitter? What’s the reason when we say Amalek or Haman (descendant of Amalek) in synagogue; we stamp our feet out of disgust? Let’s probe into the root of Amalek and why he came to this world.

Timna, the mother of Amalek, was the mistress of Elifas, the son of Eisav. One may find it odd that she was a concubine considering she was the daughter of a king and the sister of Liytan, a prominent figure. Apparently, she was under the strong belief that ‘I’d rather be a mistress to this nation than a queen to a different nation’. She was referring to Avraham and his children. In fact, she made her overtures to be the wife of Avraham, Isaac, and Yaacov but was rejected by all three; our forefathers did not accept her. So she settled for Elifas. Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz, in which this dvar Torah is based from, says the bitterness of being rejected by our ancestors became ingrained and transformed to Timna’s future genealogy. The rage Amalek has towards us stems from jealousy of Timna, being tossed away and not accepted. Rav Chaim asks ‘how can that be? It’s out of character of the persona and philosophy of Avraham. The great Avraham, whose teachings of G-d and the notion of bringing people back was his virtue. He was an expert of bringing people closer to G-d, to convert everybody and to take them under the wing of glory. The self-sacrifice he gave towards outreach is one of astonishment, and yet he turns and rejects an individual soul who understands the prominence and value of his family, and is willing to give up so much to be a part of it. One can even say it’s very commendable on her part. Why didn’t they accept Timna?

Timna wasn’t accepted because she wasn’t worthy to be under the clouds of glory. Our ancestors saw through prophecy that she and her descendants carry in their genes very bad traits, and our fathers wanted no part of it.

When the Israelites crossed the sea after G-d made it split, all the nations heard, saw, and trembled the miracles G-d performed for them. The world was in awe. The Jews were placed on a pedestal, untouched; they were considered a holy nation, G-d’s nation. However, one nation waged war against the Israelites, Amalek. Up until that point, the world saw through the miracles, the power and goodness of G-d. Apparently, there was a momentum of spirituality among the nations resulting from those monumental events. Amalek ruined all this.

Rashi (commentary on the Chumash) gives a memorable example of the first person jumping in a hot pool while the others were apprehensive. But the pool became cooler as soon as the first person jumped, making it approachable.

Similarly, we find the giant Og making fun of Avraham and Sarah’s newborn, Isaac, for being too small. It was the first baby in the crib,’ What is this little thing?’ It was such a miracle and a tremendous credit to G-d giving a gift to this old couple that were the ambassadors of G-d and represented Him out in the open. If there was any time in history to boast of the concept of ‘the good gets blessed’, it’s here. But Og minimized the miracle and dulled the momentum of spirituality.

Apparently, by waging war against the Jews, proved that our fathers were right in not taking Timna under the wings of glory. While other nations saw and felt G-d’s power and spirituality after the splitting of the sea, it seemed like Amalek was desensitized to G-d and spirituality; they weren’t moved, didn’t faze them one bit. They weren’t able, and perhaps didn’t have it in them to feel the spirituality.

Although our forefathers were right in their decision about Timna, one has to be a little bit gentler on how to reject. Rav Chaim teaches us the diplomatic game has to be enforced by pushing them out with the left hand and shaking their hands with the right; cordial but curt or cruddier; kick them from behind with a smile. We often have to act in such away in our workplace for our self-preservation. It was crucial not to let Timna in, for if she was accepted, it would have compromised our development individually and as a nation, but we have to be delicate in saying you can’t come in.

What Is Your Favorite Season?
   

 

After returning back from the United States, an Israeli was asked how he liked his trip to New York. His response was he hated it. “There are four seasons there”. But there are four seasons everywhere”, he was told. He retorted back, “You’re right, but in New York there are four seasons in one day.”

My son recently wrote an essay about autumn. He described the leaves on the trees turning colors and having fun stepping on a sea of leaves that have fallen resulting in a crunching sound. My boy mentioned about the wonderful smell the leaves give out while lying on the ground, especially after a rainfall. Many years ago, well, not so many, I too wrote a similar essay when I was just about my son’s age. This treat of autumn is something many New Yorkers don’t appreciate. A few years ago I had the pleasure of walking with a fellow who wasn’t from this country that had pointed out the beauty of autumn. He mentioned, in envy, he doesn’t experience the beauty of autumn where he comes from. Apparently, I was a little embarrassed because it seemed like he observed in detail the change of seasons with appreciation while I took it for granted.

The Mesilat Yesharim compares us to horses that ride in a very quick pace without realizing where they pass. They don’t move their head; they just ride straight without realizing the beautiful countryside they’re passing. We have to stop and to see the beauty that G-d has placed us in and appreciate details of the flowery spring, the greenery of summer, snowy winters, and cooling fall. We should not let the rat race with its pressure and stress dictate and dominate our lives. That kind of New York pressure desensitizes us where we miss out on life.

Every December 4th, (this year in New York, December 5th because of the leap year next year), we change the format of the Amida prayer, (the silent prayer that we stand at a standstill which we say 3 times a day), due to the change of seasons, by reciting ‘v’ten tal umatar lebracha, making a request that He give us rain. It is made only when rain is actually needed in an agricultural cycle. In Israel, however, rain is needed in early fall, so the recitation therefore begins on 7 Cheshvan, much earlier than elsewhere. (This is the daily bracha for parnassa – making a good livelihood).

(We had discussed in previous newsletters the importance of saying prayers as accurately as possible. One might argue ‘it’s the thought that counts’ and there is no need for such over zealous meticulousness. However, this is not so, (please refer to previous ‘coffee and a thought).

What happens when an American (Jew) travels to Israel arriving at the end of November or an Israeli landing in New York at the same time? Do they alter their prayers to accommodate the guest environment or do they follow what they do at home?

Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim mentions that the only time a person changes his prayer for v’ten tal umatar lebracha is when he is the shaliach tzibur (chazzan) for his host country. Otherwise, he goes by what he says back home.

A change of season is important because it breaks up the monotony and it provides a well-needed refreshing look and feel so we can appreciate G-d and the world. Therefore, we can give the ultimate thanks.

Do You Take Care of Yourself? 
   

For the most part, I write the last article of this newsletter Tuesday night after my lecture and shiur. However, tonight, Tuesday, I missed giving my lecture and shiur because I wasn’t feeling well (sponsors – beware – your dedication will be announced before the shiur next week). Apparently, that’s the reason I’m writing earlier than usual. I love giving the shiur, it’s a nice guy environment, and it pained me to miss it. My wife blames me (like many wives blame their husbands) for not giving it due to getting sick because I don’t take care of myself, or so she says. Although I do keep odd hours and I don’t sleep much at night or eat at the proper times, but for her to make that assessment is unfair.

My great-grandfather would always say, “Watch your health very much very much (meod meod).” Well, the actual quote (Devarim 4:16) has only ‘one’ very much, but I guess he wanted to make his point clear. Apparently, by having it written in the Torah puts a more stringent concern on all of us (violating Torah law – medeorisa is harsher then rabbinical law).

Even more so, my father always said you cannot talk while eating fish because it’s a battle. Let’s take those wise words a step further. My friend, Rabbi Uri Sklaar, says eating fish is a battle even without talking. Now let’s take it even further; according to the Shulchan Aruch (the book of laws), one cannot talk while you eat (besides fish) because it might go down the wrong pipe. Now, how many of us are strict about that one?

I remember taking a course in college where at one point they taught you the proper technique on how to interview for a job; the primary concern is proper etiquette at a restaurant. Now remember, according to Jewish law, you cannot answer a question until you swallow the food (it is advisable not to order peanut butter).

However, there are those that are extremists when it comes to health. One should take note that you cannot add or subtract from the Torah; don’t be such a tzaddik. It’s okay; you can cheat a little on the midnight snacks. So I guess one should not deprive the kids of potato chips by substituting raisins or carrots. (My wife will give me an earful for that one.)

Questions to ponder: does one have to go organic to be healthy? Are you violating the law by doing too much? Or maybe one is violating by not having organic products or by not doing enough?

Regardless, one should keep in mind that the Torah does take health and taking care of yourself very seriously, but defining the letter of the law is the question. Ask your local Rabbi or nutritionist for advice.
Sincerely,
Rabbi Avi Matmon
Spark of Jewish Experience