Tag Archive for Kayin and Hevel

Sibling Rivalry

May 15, 2015 Uncategorized No comments
This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of  Rabbi’s Yisschar Frand, Berel Wein  Baruch Dopelt, Yossi Bilus, Dr. Abba Goldman and Mr. Shmuel Yosipov

Siblings’ rivalry.  A number of years ago in the most coveted sport events of the year, where 100 million viewers tuned in, Footballs highest honor, the two best teams that played the Ravens and the 49ers had an interesting twist in their story line. Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh and his younger brother Jim, head man of the San Francisco 49ers, became the first pair of brothers to coach against each other in the Super Bowl. If one thinks that’s super, in the early 1960’s President John F Kennedy needed help to run a super power and named his younger brother Robert -the Attorney General. Here are two brothers heading the most powerful country in the world.
 Whether it be the Marx brothers,  Groucho, Chico, Harpo and Zeppo making the world laugh or watching the parents of the Williams sisters, who competed against each other on Tennis’s grand stage, uncomfortably not knowing who to cheer for, siblings can put the best performance, on the highest level, out there!!!.
There is something very interesting in this week’s Parshiot that one should take note.  Parshat Acharei-Mot contains the list of forbidden sexual relationships. Vayikra 18:18 contains the Biblical prohibition for a person to marry his wife’s sister. In expressing this prohibition, the Torah uses the word “litzror” [to make a co-wife].
The Ramban comments: This verb expresses the reason for this prohibition. Most of the forbidden relations (e.g. — mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, etc.) were simply forbidden without stating a reason. However, the Torah does state a reason by a sister-in-law, namely that it is inappropriate to make two sisters into co-wives of the same husband. These two women should ideally love one another. Placing them into a situation of rivalry will inevitably cause those who should have been best of friends to have a hostile relationship with one another.
The Ramban continues: The Torah does not state this regarding a daughter or mother of one’s wife, because they remain to be forbidden even after his wife’s death (unlike the situation with the sisters, where a sister is permitted to marry her brother-in-law if her sister — his first wife – dies). The Ramban distinguishes between the “ervah”-forbidden relations of two sisters and that of other relations. Here the Torah did not forbid the marriage because of “ervah” but because of the social harm it would bring to the sibling relationship, which at any rate is subject to rivalry. To avoid aggravating that natural sibling rivalry to intolerable levels, the Torah forbade a man to simultaneously be married to two sisters. The proof that this prohibition is different than all the others (and that it is not because of “ervah” or “she’er basar” [close relationship] but for some other reason) is the very fact that the prohibition expires upon the death of one of the sisters.
We learn two novel ideas from this Ramban.
First, we see from the fact that the Torah includes this prohibition in the chapter of forbidden relationships (arayot) that the Torah treats the matter of causing sisters to hate one another with the same severity as it treats the cardinal sin of arayot.
Second, we see how important it is in the eyes of the Torah for children to get along with one another. The Torah bans two sisters from marrying the same person for the simple reason that the Torah does not want siblings to fight with each other. Whether we are ourselves siblings or whether we are parents who have children who are siblings, we all know that this is indeed a very big challenge.
As a matter of fact, the book of Bereishit, which comprises a substantial part of the entire written Torah, contains within it almost no commandments and is basically a book of narrative tracing the development of one family – eventually seventy in number – and of the difficulties that this family encountered over generations, purposely waits till the very end, till we finally correct the flaw we’ve had throughout the book, where then the family is elevated to a nation.
One has to realize the first man, Adam’ sons, Kayin and Hevel did not get along. Moreover, the pattern continues, Yitzchak and Yishmael, Yaacov and Eisav, Leah and Rachel, Yosef and his brothers didn’t see eye to eye either.
It wasn’t till the end of the book, where we see that Menashe, Yosef’ eldest son, not bothered by his grandfather Yaakov placing his right hand over his younger brother Efraim where he gave a more important blessing. It’s no coincidence that the optimal blessing is, one should be like Efraim and Menashe.
The book concludes with Yosef and his brothers at peace with each other. Unity is in place with the fine end taste of Efraim and Menashe – the ultimate “giving” brothers.
When we start the next book, Shemot, it’s no coincidence that we find nation is led by two brothers Moshe and Aharon. We learn in the beginning of the story line, one of the reasons, that Moshe was not willing to take the mantle of leading the Israelites out of Egypt was that his older brother Aharon might be slighted. It wasn’t until G-d reassured him that quite the opposite – Aharon will be elated with Moshe being chosen over him. It seems like a healthier family structure: where the respect and sensitivity replaces jealousy and strife, found all too often in Bereishit.

There is a famous Midrash (a body of interpretations of Torah texts along with instructional stories as taught by Chazal (Rabbinical Jewish sages of the post-Temple era) that provide an intrinsic analysis to passages in the Tanach.) where there were two brothers, a rich man, who was married with a big family, and a poor man who was not married who were concerned about the other’s well-being. They lived on the opposite side of the mountain. The rich man, at night, secretly placed grains in his brother’s property; knowingly he would be too ashamed and not accept his kindness. He rationalized my brother is too poor and has nobody to look after him. While the poor man, at night also secretly placed grains in his brother’s possessions reasoning my brother has a big family and would find it difficult, for he has too much on his mind, to  fetch the grains himself.
One night as the both, covertly, were going to the other, they unexpectedly collided on the top of the mountain. Startled and surprised, they realized it was the other who were placing the grain at the other one’s property where then they joyfully embraced. G-d loved the moment and the tremendous affection they showed one another so much that He proclaimed this site, on top of the mountain, is where the Temple will be built.
 My Mother had mentioned that when she and my father migrated to this country, basically without family, they were joined by another couple whom they arrived together with on the same ship. She mentioned fondly that she had such an intense friendship with her, Nurit Alibayof, the first year, not surprising since they had no family and difficulty in language and culture. Although I wasn’t born yet, however, when I did experience how they interacted years later, I could not imagine their friendship any better for it was very strong for 50 years until Nurit’s death. However, it seems the closeness my mother has with her sister is quite different in nature. That too is one of extreme closeness. The common bond of having the same parents, same gender, similar of age and same upbringing translates to a very powerful closeness which I’ve experienced and observed over the years. Similarly, my wife and her sister have a relationship that has that sibling/of the same gender great intensity.

However, for the most part siblings of the same gender are more prone to fighting sometimes in the most vicious and extraordinary way. Despite the odds though, we have to look at the flip side, the same gender sibling relationship could positively be translated as extremely productive and for that reason, perhaps, the Torah does not want to tamper with that relationship.
What are the measures to prevent the “bad blood” between the two siblings? One has to realize as Dr. Goldman says, that “it’s all up to the parents, they set the stage; the atmosphere is in their hands”. He mentioned one method often used to motivate a child to excel is to belittle his actions by showing the other sibling doing better. Although it might be a motivation, however, animosity, jealousy and tension will develop among the siblings. An inevitable common thought will be “Mommy and Daddy love you more than me” enraging the rivalry. The mother and father as well as teacher and camp counselor are leaders and set the tone. The mother and the father have to show that they enjoy their children’s company. Often parents come home from work not wanting to be disturbed. They are doing an injustice to their children. A happy “I want to come home to my family” attitude has to be presented!
It’s very important that a child not feel slighted in any way. I met a parent who is sending one of his twins to one school and another to a different school. I asked him, “wouldn’t just sending them to different classes in the grade be sufficient? Why go to the extreme of a different school altogether? He answered, his wife is a twin and she often felt slighted even in separate classes. Besides, he continued, often schools don’t have same level grades, it’s the “A” class and the “B” class.
The main message of the “midrash” of the two bothers on the mountain is one of brotherly love and ahavat chinam. The pasuk in Tehillim (Psalm 133:1) states: “Hinei matov u’mah naim, shevet achim gam yachad, Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity. There is something very primal about brotherly love, which may explain why it is so difficult to achieve, and why it is such a rare, valuable gem when find it. Dovid HaMelech wrote about the very thing Yaakov wanted to do: settle among “settled brothers.” Alas, the fulfillment of his dream was premature, not achieving completion in his lifetime, the lifetime of Yosef, or even, within the lifetimes of his surviving brothers.
In fact, we’re still waiting……..
May we speedily in our day have the unity that will lead to the Temple being rebuilt on Mount Moriah.

 

Parshat Re’eh

August 2, 2013 G-d and Us, Highlights on the Weekly Parsha No comments
First Portion
* Our Sages say if one sees a loved one who has passed away, appear in a dream, he should light a candle. Someone who is no longer in this world has to ask permission from the heavens to make contact with the living; even a dream is considered contact. For the most part, there is no communication with dead people because this is a world of doers and the deceased have already exhausted their resources to accomplish. “See, I have presented to you a blessing and a curse.” Rabbi Gedalya Schorr says that every moment we live in this world, we are faced with opportunities, with the end result of a blessing or a curse. Eating, drinking, walking, talking, greeting, crying and laughing, all require some sort of positive energy or acknowledgement and appreciation of G-d. Then, one will get a blessing, a reward. However, if one takes these opportunities without the awareness of G-d, then that moment is a cursed moment. This concept explains the tradition of wearing a kipa. We wear a kipa so we can constantly be aware of G-d’s existence. The head is where the soul of a man lies and therefore is the most significant part of the physical body.

 

Second Portion
* We had previously mentioned regarding Tisha B’Av, the main reason why our ancestors consumed meat was to sanctify it for the name of G-d in the Temple. The meat, then, tasted better because it had an added flavor of leshem – Mitzvah – to do G-d’s commandment. When the Temple was destroyed, the Sages proclaimed nine days of no consumption of meat, which we have a tradition till this very day. It didn’t taste the same because that added flavor was gone, of “to do G-d’s commandment.” In this parsha, G-d gives us the permission to eat meat without the pilgrimage to the Temple. Although meat was permitted, generally, it should not be over indulged. For there are some commentaries that say it’s not healthy (commentary – Ikarim).
* One of the reasons we eat meat is to show our superiority to animals. This is derived from the two sons of Adam, Kayin and Hevel. Kayin thought that man is no better than animals, therefore, he brought an offering of produce. While Hevel, on the other hand, knew man is superior and man rules them. G-d endorsed Hevel’s view.  Nevertheless, the damage was done; people were confused and they followed the views of Kayin, that man is not superior and therefore sank to all types of loathsome and animalistic despicable acts. After the flood, though, Kayin and his philosophy was obliterated and Noach and civilization undoubtedly ate meat.
* At the same time that G-d permitted the Jews to eat regular meat, he gave another warning against consuming the blood. According to Rashi, the fact that G-d stressed this, is an indication that the people were very much involved in and habituated in violating this prohibition.

 

Third Portion
* There are people that have certain sorcery gifts; the Torah refers to these individuals who try to lure others into serving idolatry as “prophets”, therefore, acknowledging their powers. Apparently, these false prophets of evil have the capability to manipulate nature. They have the power to perform signs and wonders. They give signs as to what will be in the future. A strong question is asked, how is it possible that people who have come to deny G-d be given such strength? According to the RAMBAN, these individuals are called kahin. They have powers more than the average Joe and exploit their influence over simple people in order to spread heretic views. Our nation is tested in a very big way by these people who get their source from evil.

 

Fourth Portion
* Do not over-mourn the dead. One should not take their hair and beat themselves. One of the major foundations of our religion is life after death. As my wife puts it so beautifully; time marches on and it doesn’t wait for anybody. Before you know it, you’ve got gray hair and are huffing and puffing down the basketball court. We are all going to see our loved ones one day soon again, G-d willing, in heaven. One friend was sad after losing his mother. He said to me “I’m sad that I’m never going to see her again.” I said to him “We’re all going to have a chance to see our loved ones again.”
* Some commentaries say fish was prohibited for consumption till the receiving of the Torah. (The Israelites never ate fish in Egypt; they just imagined it.) The Torah was given on Shabbat. This is the reason we have fish, usually first course, during the Shabbat meal.
* The sign of a kosher fish – it should have fins and scales.

 

Fifth Portion
* Every Jew that makes a living has to give 10% of his earnings to Tzedakah; this is called ma’aser.

 

Sixth Portion
* The ability to help your fellow Jew reaps great rewards. The Torah refers to a person who considers his money as belonging to him alone, to do with it as he sees fit as b’li ya’al – wicked or worthless person. The Or Hachayim says “there will be no poor among you” (15:4); namely, that if there is a poor person among you, it is because of you, in that the other man’s portion is in your hands. Whatever he has lacking is in your possession. We have to be unified as a nation, not just in “RA, RA let’s cheer on together!!” but in your pocket as well. One has to see to it that his fellow is financially okay.
Seventh Portion
* There are three holidays called the Shalosh Regalim, the three legs; they are Pesach, Shavuot, and Sukkot. It is called the three legs because on each of these holidays, many Jews all over Israel, would congregate at the Holy Temple in Yerushalayim.