Tag Archive for Responsibility

Should I take on more responsibility?

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s      Akiva Grunblatt, Baruch Dopelt, Yossi Bilus, Yitzchak Aminov, Dr. Abba Goldman

Regret was eating him up as his critics approached Pharaoh with disapproval, snickering gestures and complained “How can you let the Jews go?” Human nature is such that that it allows peer pressure to seep through the armor of logic. Although, it was just yesterday that the Egyptians were removing frogs out of their soup. It seems like one tends to forget these minor annoyances. When it was known, a little while later, that the Israelites are heading toward the sea and appear lost, all eyes turned to Pharaoh. “Nu? What’s now?” as the generals relishing an opportunity.

 Pharaoh, forgetting all the signs that G-d has shown, turned with new charged vigor, and roared:  “Gather your horses and your armor, we got them!!”
 The Israelites, under the leadership of Moshe, approached the sea. “Now what” some of the critics bellowed. It seems – everybody has critics. Perhaps, at times, that’s necessary; it keeps you on your toes. It’s also important, for it gives one a perspective one may have overlooked.   Although, at times, if one gives in to the pressure and goes against his original decision, it might not work out quite well.
 The “now what” became amplified with a very worried concern attached to it as the Israelites heard rumbling sounds behind them. The Egyptian army was approaching full force toward them. It seems like the Jews were trapped. There was no place to go but the sea. Moshe’s response to the Jewish people was that “G-d wants us to go through the sea”. However, no one dared to take such an illogical step.
 Well, what is logic? Is our religion – logical or perhaps not? Perhaps, religion is a belief which defies logic. Perhaps, belief becomes the logic?
If one believes in something and knows that it’s 100% full-proofs right and doesn’t act on it because of what others might think… is he insulting himself? He might have regret and say: “I am missing out on what I truly believe in, and I know it’s right!”
 There was one person who understood that belief in G-d overrides nature. Many, who were present there – believed in G-d and that He runs the world, but were hesitant to take that plunge into the sea. They, perhaps, knew that jumping in the water was the right path to take but… were afraid. However, one individual had the courage to act on his belief. One person was the first to take the risk. One person was willing to boldly go and lead the Jews into uncharted territory. That individual was Nachshon ben Aminadav.
 The waters reached his mouth as he plunged into the sea when it suddenly split. One of the greatest on sights, open miracles in the history of mankind occurred… propelled by Nachshon ben Aminadav.
 By examining this courageous act of Nachshon we can learn something tremendous that can improve our lives and strengthen our character. Rabbi Akiva Grunbatt brings up the following question and answer where then we can fully understand Nachshon’s actions.
 There are four individuals who died because of the sin of the snake and nothing else. They never sinned. Can one imagine that an individual can live an entire lifetime and be sin-free?! Benyamin, the first, Yaacov’s twelfth son; Yishay, he was the father of King David: Kalev, he was one of the Jewish spies that entered Israel while the Israelites were in the dessert. Amram rounds out the quartet; he was Moshe – our greatest leader’s father.
 However, a strong question is asked, when one makes a MESHEH BERACH AVOTAINU-a special prayer invoking G-d’s mercy, it does not include any of the righteous people that never sinned!!
 We say MISHEH BERACH AVOTAINU: AVRAHAM, YITZCHAK, YAACOV etc. Why don’t we say instead BENYAMIN, YISHAI, KALEV and AMRAM? After all, these tzadikim were great; they never sinned.
We learn an important fundamental lesson, greatness cannot be measured by lack of sin; we look at the accomplishments. To do what you’re supposed to do is beautiful, however, to take the extra step, to go the extra mile; to take upon more responsibility is the road to greatness!!
 As a matter of fact, once one takes upon oneself the extra responsibility, he discovers hidden KOCHOT-strengths. If one looks at some of our great leaders’ lifestyle, one wonders – how do they find time? How are they able to cope? They are not the type to say “hey, that’s not my job….I’m not responsible”. Even if one fails in his job after taking the tremendous responsibility, he becomes a greater person, through the experience of his effort.
 There is an interesting story about the Netziv – Rabbi Naftali Zvi Yehuda Berlin, (b. Mir, Russia, 1816 – d. Warsaw, Poland, August 10, 1893) that relates to responsibility. It is written about the Netziv, there are no fantastic accounts concerning the boy who was to become the Rav of Israel. It may be that he was not a “child prodigy” that amazed everyone by his natural talents, or it may also be that he was modest from a very young age. However, one thing is clear: he had at least one great talent – his diligence!! He studied Torah with great fervor, and it was this trait that enabled him to acquire universal renown.
 Only the brightest students and it was a minimal amount, were given the opportunity to learn in Yeshiva. Most boys were sent to learn a trait and start work immediately.
One day he overhears his father tell his mother “he’s just not talented to stay in Yeshiva. The father called his son and said he wanted to introduce him to a friend who is a shoemaker. The Netziv understood immediately what his father’s intentions. The child begged and cried that they should give him one more chance promising he will not disappoint them. The boy lived up to his promise. He later said: “if I would have given up and became a shoemaker, after 120 years when I go to the heavens, although I would have been a honest shoemaker, pray three times a day, raise a family with strong Torah values, and I would set time to learn every night after work, however, they will show me a copy of my book the Ha’amek Davar and say to me “this is the masterpiece you would have written if you would have excelled in your life”.  I, then, would have been ashamed.”
When our forefather, Yaacov, was on his deathbed he gave the bracha, he basically anointed the position of leadership to Yehuda, who has shown on many occasions the “responsibility to accomplish”. Such honor has been given to one who takes upon himself more responsibility.
 When Yaacov did not want to send Benyamin, his youngest son and presumably the only remaining one from his favorite wife, Rachel, on account that some bad omen might happen to him similar to what had happened to his older brother  Yossef, Yehuda took responsibility in assuring his safe return. “I will personally guarantee him” (Bereshit 43:9) Yaacov accepted Yehuda’s proposition. However, Rabbi Dopelt asks: “what is the difference between Yehuda’s assurance (I will lose my portion in this world and in the next world) and Ruben’s, his older brother’s, assurance (kill my 2 sons if I do not return him safely)? Both have a very negative outcome; no father wants to see anything bad happen to his children whether it is in this world or the next.
 Yehuda used the magic word “guarantee”; a guarantor is responsible even when it’s an OHNESS- an unavoidable mishap.  Therefore, he will step up a notch; raise the volume on protecting what he guaranteed. The responsibility is much greater! The virtue of Yehuda was the ability to go beyond what is on the radar of others. For, in order to succeed in the optimal level, one has to go beyond the face value of his ability.
We see throughout our holy scriptures how our ancestors took great responsibilities in bettering their lot and assuring the world to be a better place. King David, who is Yehuda’s descendant, volunteered to duel the giant Goliath; Avraham’s commitment to open his doors to passerby’s…..we can go on and on and on… It seems like the ones who get the recognition are the ones that take that initiative.
 However, one has to be aware of the danger in taking, at times, too much responsibility. We recite in the evening prayers before the AMIDA, “VEHASER SATAN MILFANANU VEHACHARONANU”-remove the evil angel from in front of us and from behind us.
It’s understandable, the first part of the phrase: the angel puts a juicy non- kosher steak “in front” of you. However, how do we learn the second phrase? It refers to what could go wrong with too much responsibility. The bad advice: angel pushes you from behind and tells you “hey, you can do it!!” But in reality, by accepting the task, one is welcoming disaster.
 Therefore one has to think it over and ask advice in order to make a calculating and hopefully productive choice.
 Nachshon ben Aminadav, who happens to be from the descendant of Yehuda and the ancestor of King David, took the initiative. The splitting of the sea was jump started and initiated by Nachshon. Every morning when  we read AZ YASHIR Nachshon is in the forefront of not only getting credit for having true belief in G-d but also a trait that we should all possess, the trait of taking responsibility and making this world a better place

Parshat Toldos

 

“A Cup of Coffee 

 

&

A Quick Thought”

Steaming Cup of Coffee
Spark Of Jewish Experience
  Toldos

November 24, 2011
27 Cheshvan, 5772

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In This Issue
Parshat Toldos Highlights
Parshat Toldos – Why Did Jacob Receive the Prestigious Bracha in Such a Manor – Stealing?
A Lesson to be Learned from the Penn State Scandal
The Bar Mitzvah Boy Who Pulled a Fast One

 

Parshat Toldos Highlights

 

▪ The parsha starts off by reaffirming Isaac is, in fact, Abraham’s son; the commentaries mentioned he even looked like his father. This was purposely done by G-d because Abraham and Sarah could not have kids for many years and people might doubt that Isaac was really his.

 

▪ After years of Isaac and Rivka not having children, Rivka is finally pregnant with twins.

 

▪ Rivka gives birth to Eisav, who has a full head of red hair. The second child that is born is named Yaacov.

 

▪ Isaac loves Eisav while Rivka loves Yaacov.

 

▪ Eisav sells his birthright for a cup of soup to his brother Yaacov (the incident occurred the day their grandfather Abraham dies).

 

▪ There’s a famine in the land and Isaac and Rivka go to Avimelech, King of the Philistines. Puzzling the script is the same as his father Abraham, who went down with Sarah, his wife, to both Philistine and Egypt. Isaac tells the king the same story as his father did, many years before, ‘she’s (Rivka) my sister’. The reason is people might kill me so they can take my wife. Avimelech finds out it’s his wife and orders ‘anyone touches this woman will be killed’.

 

▪ The Philistines felt threatened by Isaac’s successes in Gerar. They did not honor his treaty with his father by filling the wells in which Abraham dug forcing Isaac to leave. Isaac settled in the valley of Gerar where he dug three wells and successfully found water.

 

▪ Avimelech makes a treaty with Isaac.

 

▪ Eisav finds wives that are not appropriate.

 

▪ Isaac asks Eisav to hunt and make him his favorite meal so he can give him an important blessing.

 

▪ Yaacov deceives Isaac and impersonates Eisav on instructions from his mother and goes and receives the bracha from his blind father.

 

▪ Eisav vows to kill Yaacov.

 

▪ Rivka is not happy with the quality of the girls in Canaan; she convinces Isaac to send Yaacov to her family in Padena Aram.

 

▪ Eisav saw that Isaac sent Yaacov to Padena Aram to find a wife. He too realized the Caanite women were not good. So he marries the daughter of Yishmael, his uncle.

Parshat Toldos – Why Did Jacob Recieve the Prestigious Bracha in Such a Manor – Stealing?
abraham's tent

One of the most puzzling questions in the Torah is why did Yaacov have to demean himself to an uncharacteristic extent and resort to stealing the most prestigious bracha of all time? Secondly, and equally puzzling, his mother – of all people – is the mastermind. It’s as if these personalities, our beloved ancestors (strait laced honest Yaacov and his beloved mother Rivka) have taken on different characters for this role, for this operation, ‘OPERATION: GET THE BRACHA’. It seems kind of odd. Rav Gedalia Schorr (Or Gedalyahu) offers a riveting answer. He says, both of Issac’s sons, Yaacov and Eisav have come to correct the character of the first man, Adam. Yaacov before the sin and Eisav after the sin.

We’re able to derive from the Chumash that both boys, Yaacov and Eisav, were exceptionally talented in their own right. Each brother, according to the Zohar, had an equally important mission to better the world and eventually pave the road for the quick arrival of the Mashiach. We see from the Scripture, ‘ish tam yoshev ohalim’ (wholesome man abiding in tents) referring to Yaacov. His mission was to expand knowledge of math, science, and philosophy, as well as increase sensitivity towards fellow man, etc., through the Torah and through G-d’s words. Yaacov’s task was to appeal to people (the elite) who are already committed to G-d but want to expand their horizons in spirituality. This scenario is similar to the state of Adam in Gan Eden before the sin, which were basically, to increase G-d’s message, and having the luxury of very minimal intervention of the evil forces.

Eisav, on the other hand, had a different task. His mission was to convince the people of the world who are not believers. He was given the talent of ‘ish yodeah tzayid’ (a man who knows how to hunt). A hunter tricks his prey by setting traps; these traps are set through clever words combined with illusions and stretching the truth. G-d empowered Eisav with the ability to fight the evil powers by tricking it. One needs all different kinds of props and sparks to motivate oneself and overcome the negative powers so it can be easier to believe in G-d. Eisav was also given the ability to enjoy physical pleasures so he can show the world you can enjoy physicality and also serve G-d to the utmost.

However, Eisav used his tools in a wrong way. Instead of overpowering the evil powers, they overpowered him. He used his tremendous talents of hunting, giving, and receiving pleasures, for his own satisfaction. With those powerful tools used incorrectly, he became a dangerous monster on a collision course to destroy the world.

It was his mother, Rivka, who realized Eisav’s failure. She knew the importance to fill the void that Eisav has abandoned. The logical choice was Yaacov, who would now be required to fulfill both roles. This strait laced honest man now must show the ability to trick and stretch the truth and be a hunter as well as his natural ability to enhance the world intellectually.

Therefore, Yaacov receives the crucial bracha transformed into both Eisav and himself.

As Jews, we have a double task of both Yaacov and Eisav in the world. This very difficult responsibility entitles us to be the chosen people. That is the reason we, as Jews, are always looked under a magnifying glass.

A Lesson to be Learned From the Penn State Scandal 
   spark plug

In the last few weeks we discovered ugliness in the establishment of American pride. Penn State, which has one of the most prestigious college football programs in the country, has been hit by scandal. One of their former top assistant coaches was accused of raping a minor (10 year old boy) in the shower at the athletic facility on campus by a graduate assistant coach. The incident occurred in 2002.The graduate assistant coach, Mike McQueary, did not stop the violator, Jerry Sandusky, at the time of the occurrence; although the next day, he did report the incident to his superior, the famous and legendary Penn State head coach, Joe Paterno. Paterno, in turn, also informed his superiors.The fact that McQueary did not stop him (Sandusky raping the boy) resulted in many reported death threats against him. I gave a fascinating lecture last week (there is a link to it on Torahanytime.com) on what goes through the mind of a person who is confronted with this situation. What does one do upon seeing your superior, mentor, and friend in a position committing a crime? It’s a very interesting lecture and I suggest it not be missed.

But it’s important to note, the hierarchy of the school didn’t report it to the police. Although some speculate the power and influence in which Coach Paterno had enabled the case to be swept under the rug; regardless if it was reported to the police. To tarnish the reputation of the school and its beloved coaching staff might be a far greater sin.

Penn State College football is a moneymaking machine and its coach is legendary. Who would want to break up this mega giant?

A week after the story broke, out eight more boys (now they’re older) came out as victims of Sandusky. The number as of November 18 is at forty, and unfortunately is increasing. In 2002, Mike McQueary, Joe Paterno and co. (Coach Joe Paterno and the President of the Penn State have since been fired) had a chance to stop this monster and they didn’t. Now there are 40 potential predators whose lives were ruined and possibly will go out and ruin other lives. This is the result, as Dr Neil Levey suggests, having their (Penn State administration and athletic dept) priorities misplaced. They asked themselves what’s more important; we know their answer.

I read something very interesting by Rav Henoch Leibowitz z”l (in his book Chidushea Halev on this week’s Parsha) which pertains to the above shame. When Eisav found out that Yaacov stole the brachot, he screamed loud and troublesome, out of despair. The sages suggested that many hundreds of years later, as a measure for measure, the Jews screamed loud and troublesome, out of despair, upon hearing the decree of destruction that Eisav’s descendant, Haman orchestrated against them. But why was Yaacov (the Jews, his descendants) punished? Yaacov followed his mother’s advice. She actually convinced him (and he knew it himself) the brachot are important for the continuation of the world and he has to take the responsibility of not only his, but also his brother Eisav. Therefore he was required to take the bracha at any cost.

The reason is, Rav Henoch suggests that Yaacov didn’t feel enough pain in his heart for his brother losing the bracha. Even though he didn’t deserve it, there should have been certain sadness in Yaacov. It’s our duty to feel for our brethren even though it has no bearings on us. This is what is expected of us. Feel for your brother.

If one does not have sensitivities to his fellow to the highest degree, then eventually relationships will degenerate. Here, the priorities and morals of the Penn State hierarchy were not proper. A human being is not so important. They didn’t want to puncture the school’s image; now that’s important! It would cause them great financial loss. Money and image were more important than human beings. With many universities, it is not about higher education and being a better mentch, it’s a cash cow and it’s our duty to milk the system, stepping on anybody that gets in the way. After all, isn’t this what America is all about?

The Bar Mitzvah Boy Who Pulled a Fast One 
   parking ticket

I was at a Bar Mitzvah a few weeks ago and a friend, Uri, asked me to play Sherlock Holmes and solve this case:
Question: Two boys are born the same year, Avi who is older then Ronny by a week.  But when they reached Bar Mitzvah, Ronny will be a Bar Mitzvah first by at least 3 weeks. How is that possible?
Answer: During a leap year, there are 2 Adar’s, Adar Aleph and Adar Bet.  Avi was born the 29th of Adar Aleph while Ronny was born the 3rd of Adar Bet. When their Bar Mitzvah year rolled around, there was only one Adar. Since Ronny was born on the 3rd of Adar, he goes first while Avi has to wait till the 29th.
Sincerely,
Rabbi Avi Matmon
Spark of Jewish Experience

Parshat Emor

“A Cup of Coffee 

&

A Quick Thought”

Steaming Cup of Coffee
Spark Of Jewish Experience
 
 Emor

May 5, 2011

1 Iyar, 5771

Dear Friend,

Dedicate a newsletter or a lecture for either a Refuah Sheleima, in loving memory, hatzlacha bracha in all endeavors, birthdays, anniversaries or any other occasion!!!!

In This Issue
Decisions That Impact Many
A Lesson for Chocolate Lovers

Decisions That Impact Many
 king

In this week’s portion of the Torah we read about “If a Cohen’s (Priest’s) daughter has an adulterous affair, she defamed her father’s name, she should be put to death by burning”(21;9). We learn from Rav Henoch Leibowitz z”l who quotes the mainstream commentary Rashi, as he explains the verse above, she defamed and embarrassed her father’s honor, people would say on him ‘curse is the person who gave birth and curse is the person who raised such an individual’.

As we know, it was King David who laid the blueprints for the Bet Hamikdash (Temple). However, it was under King Solomon’s leadership that it was built. When King Solomon was married to the daughter of Pharaoh, one of his many wives, on the day of the inauguration of the long-awaited Temple, she caused him to oversleep. The entire nation was waiting for their King on this momentous occasion to lead the ceremony, not knowing that he was out of commission. Apparently, his mother, Batsheva, had a grasp on what was taking place. She had a sixth sense that mothers possess which led to her uneasy feeling. Mothers have a certain intuition about their children. (If I sneeze, my mother, who happened to be on the other side of town, will call me up and demand that I should put on my sweater.)

So Batsheva storms the King’s bedroom with the heel of her shoe in hand. She hits her son, King Solomon, scolding him ‘What are you doing? People would say I’m at fault for not raising you properly. They wouldn’t blame your father because he was a tzaddik. If you’re a rasha, they’ll blame me that I was the cause of your actions’. Perhaps we can deduce from the words of Batsheva. If the people did not believe David was a tzaddik, they would blame him for Solomon’s actions, even though David had been dead many years before the inauguration took place. Regardless, apparently the people would say that David did not give Solomon the proper education and this is the cause of his misstep. But the fact that David was a tzaddik, the blame would fall on his mother. The Gemarah deduces from what happens next during the inauguration ceremony; that whatever wrong King David did, G-d forgave him. This is evident from the mysteriously locked Temple doors, which would not open. Every effort was made by Shlomo and the sages to open the Temple, but it was to no avail, until Shlomo cried out to G-d ‘do it for the sake of my father, King David.’ With this cry, the doors opened.

Rav Leibowitz asks, why would anybody blame David or Batsheva for their son’s wrongdoings? At what point does an individual take responsibility for his own actions? Don’t you think at this stage of his life, he can make his own decisions? After all, he runs a kingdom; the Israelites at this juncture were considered a super power. We have to say this is human nature. People always link an individual’s negative and positive attributes to one’s parents. Even though one can argue that Shlomo didn’t do anything maliciously, David and Batsheva still would have felt slighted by their son’s actions, which would have been magnified in peoples’ eyes and would cause them embarrassment.

I know of an individual who was seeing a girl whom he was interested in marrying. Apparently, as the relationship got closer to the very serious state, it was disclosed that she had a relationship with a non-Jew. This was an issue; considering this person was a Cohen who cannot marry anyone who had such a relationship, he ended the relationship rationalizing, what would my ancestors say ‘you broke the family chain of Cohanim that goes back three thousand years because you’re in love’. This individual took tremendous pride of his Cohen status and of his family tradition. Today, he is performing his Cohen duties in synagogue along with his sons right by him.

Rav Leibowitz points out that Batsheva was more concerned in adding a sense of responsibility to Shlomo, than to her own personal pride. If one feels he is alone in sinning, he should think again. Many of his ancestors will be affected.

We conclude that any of our wrongdoings could be a violation of ‘honoring your father and your mother’ because it causes people to look negatively at our parents. Perhaps, if we are tempted to violate any laws, we should think twice because our parents’ honor is at stake.

A Lesson for Chocolate Lovers
chocolate

 

In one of the episodes of the long running TV show ‘the Simpsons’, Homer, one of the main characters, dreams of living in a world of chocolate. Can anyone imagine doors made out of Tomborone; cars made out of Chunkys; tables and chairs made out of Milky Ways; and Hershey Kisses? Perhaps, a person with a slight inclination to chocolate can appreciate the fantasy scene. Homer’s dream sequence continues where he overindulges, as you can well imagine. Anyone that has seen the show knows that one of Homer’s weaknesses, in which he readily gives into, is physical pleasures. Homer seems to wipe out the notion of moderation, which is evident when he jumps into a pool of chocolate with his mouth open and his eyes hungry.

Chocolate happens to be an amazing phenomenon and many cherish chocolate and welcome it in their hearts. We see from a study, women find chocolate irresistible. This is because chocolate has been found to reduce many disorders and helps them regulate their moods and emotions by directing the body to generate serotonin, which is the happiness hormone. Moreover, another brownie point for chocolate in the area of good health, researchers have recently published that the presence of poly phenolic antioxidants in chocolate, when taken in moderation, prevents cardiovascular disease. Also, dark bittersweet chocolate, which the mavens consider elite because of its pure untainted content, is so nutrient rich that the levels of antioxidants rival some fruits and vegetables.

But, it’s been a long path as to what blessing is made on such a valuable and cherished commodity. The Halacha (law) is that food which is normally consumed after being ground, retains its original bracha (blessing). Spices are routinely powdered so the bracha is ha’etz. Chocolate comes from the cocoa bean, which is the fruit of the tree, therefore should be ha’etz also. However, the overwhelming custom is to recite a shahakol on chocolate since the bean is altered when it’s processed into chocolate. Others explain that the chocolate in the bean is not eaten as is and is mixed with other ingredients; therefore, considered a minor one. Another explanation is that when the bean is modified to a liquid state, it is a new entity, which is not recognizable that it came from a bean. Chocolate could very well be classified in the category of seduction. Who out there can recall, where curiosity took the best of us as kids (or even adults), going through an entire fancy box of individually silver wrapped chocolate? There is also the unforgettable Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup commercial where two guys, one with peanut butter and the other with chocolate, bump into each other and one yells at the other ‘you got some peanut butter on my chocolate’ and the other also complains, ‘you got some chocolate on my peanut butter’ and both are surprisingly happy with the discovery.

I can recall my learning partner, twenty years ago, Rabbi Johnny Flamholtz, who helped me with the research for this article, introduced me to the delicacy ‘death by chocolate’ which contains seven layers of different types of chocolate!

It is important to note when our forefather Isaac wanted to give the blessing to Eisav, he asked him to prepare him a meal and his preference was a wild animal, not domesticated. The reason for this is because it’s much more difficult to get a wild animal as opposed to a domesticated one, who’d just be sitting there, waiting to be slaughtered. Isaac didn’t want to overindulge in meat; so as a precaution, chose the more difficult less accessible route. He foresaw a potential problem and took precautionary measures.

We learn from Isaac that moderation is a very vital method of success and should prevent one from overindulging in a seduction like chocolate. Even though, there seems to be many benefits in chocolate, it’s no excuse for the excess. This can be applied to everything in life. So the next time one comes across a box of Godiva or even M&M’s, one should practice moderation.

Sincerely,
Rabbi Avi Matmon
Spark of Jewish Experience