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It’s that time again

September 10, 2015 Rabbi Avi Matmon Uncategorized No comments

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s , Berel Wein, Naftali Reich, Yossi Bilius and Dr. Abba Goldman

I felt it was a pressing need to write about this topic for the Rosh Hashana holiday is already upon us. How can that be? How did it come so fast? It sneaked up on us rather quickly. I’m still paying back tuitions!! Did seven weeks of camp really end? What’s the old expression – “In the blink of an eye”? I didn’t have a chance to have my cherry flavored Marino ices, which is my ritual every summer. Late at night, on a hot summer night, after everyone’s asleep I would go to my old childhood neighborhood and have my ices. Goodness gracious, I just looked out my back porch and saw my neighbor preparing the walls to putting up his Sukkah….YIKES!!

What is the most precious commodity in life? Is it gold? It would make sense. Money makes the world go round. Perhaps, it’s oil? If the Arabs didn’t have oil, they would be just a bunch of schlemiels. What about food? Every Jewish neighborhood has a late night sandwich bar, fried schnitzel and all. I guess it’s a pressing need. However, intriguingly, many of us, at one point in our lives, have said “If I had to do it all over again, I would change this, I would change that.” This is a key expression in life which is inevitable. Often, we have such regret that the moment escaped us. Often we envision a different scenario.

It’s a shame, for one often never has the opportunity to do it again. The moment is gone. Time has come and gone, and now it’s just a memory. It’s the spilled milk on the New York street, no way is it going back in the bottle. Can one imagine if a time machine would exist? It would be priceless!! Has anybody found the fountain of youth?

“Time is money!” we are told, but a wise man once turned this expression around and said, “Money is time!” Time, not money, is the fundamental currency by which the value of all things is measured.

After 120 years when a person leaves this world, Rabbi Ariyeh Kaplan writes a mind boggling concept that in the Heavens there is no concept of time. Past, present and future are all the same. Everything happens at once. It always hurts to think, perhaps it’s off limits to his creation, of the notion that G-d lives forever and was never born. When we stand to be judged and the prosecutor accuses the individual “why did you sin?’ He will be too ashamed to answer for his sin is right in front of him… He cannot say “well, I don’t remember that one” for past, present and future are one.

However, it’s different here, in our existence in this world. Time is a big part of the picture. Why the world is structured this way? Why do we need time in this world?

There are two aspects of time which should be addressed.

Firstly, let us reflect for a moment on one of the more notorious features of our society – the mad rush that characterizes our daily existence. The rhythm of our lives is driven by the tictacking of the clock. Our jobs, our schedules, our appointments, rush hour traffic, all the aspects of our contemporary lifestyles are measured and regulated by the inexorable clock. But this is not really a new phenomenon. The accelerated pace of society has simply highlighted one of the fundamental truths of the world – that the most precious commodity by far is time. G-d gave mankind a tool to accomplish and that is time.

We learn the purpose of time from the Hebrew word. The Hebrew word for year is “shana,” which is linked to the word “shinuy,” meaning change. For time to be used productively, it must be accompanied by growth and change. In another allusion to the concept of time being linked to accomplishment, the Hebrew word for time, “Zman,” is connected to the word “Zimun,” prepared, for every moment of time is embedded with a built-in potential for greatness and achievement.

So we are given time for it is a measuring stick to prepare for the next world. We are on the clock and we have to use company time wisely. So we see time which is part in parcel with change and is for our benefit.

Rosh Hashana is about repentance – teshuva and one is on a time limit to accomplish it. We have to realize that life is moving very quickly and we have to ask what I accomplished so far. What can I show the heavens, how many brownie points did I accumulate? How much time is left? Did we live up to the best of our ability?

There are incidences where we overanalyze time. We pull the trigger and say it’s “not time” or take the nuttiest incident and say it’s a sign from heaven.

Rabbi Yossi Bilus was once at a wedding where, at the chuppah, the Chattan was given the ring and as he was about to place the ring on the Kallah’s finger it dropped to the floor. The Chattan tried again and again for the second time it dropped to the floor. The crowd was stunned. The guests were indicating by their frightening sighs AHH and OHH that perhaps this couple is doomed. Then the quick thinking Rabbi performing the ceremony bends down picks up the ring and raises it above his head showing it to the guests. He then proceeds to give it to the nervous Chattan and firmly orders him to place it on the Kallah’s finger. As he placed the ring securely on his Kallah’s finger the Rabbi said to the guests “a few minutes ago it wasn’t time, however, at this moment it’s the right time!! MEKUDESHET- she is betrothed!”

The second aspect of time is the cycle of weeks and years. We learned earlier that G-d and the heavens are not governed by time. Interestingly, G-d’s first commandment which He gave to the Jews, after they left Egypt, was associated with “time”, the mitzvah of establishing the calendar. One might have expected a loftier ideal, such as the commandment of Emunah, faith in G-d, or perhaps, a commandment of personal refinement, such as loving other Jews as oneself. After all, the world is built on kindness. But no! It was the very practical mitzvah of establishing a lunar calendar to regulate the annual cycle of festivals and observances. This is really quite baffling. Why this particular mitzvah? Would it not have been more appropriate perhaps to initiate the Jewish people with a mitzvah that represents transcendent spiritual concepts? Coming out of bondage, the Jewish people were presented with a sudden wealth of time. As slaves, their time had been stripped away from them. This is freedom and now they have time to live.

When designating the new month, the Beth Din – Jewish high court declares, “Mekudash, mekudash! Sanctified, sanctified!” G-d gave the Jewish people the power to sanctify time by what they say and do, not only to give it worth but to imbue it with holiness. Rosh Chodesh, the first day of the new month, has the status of a minor festival, reminding us that we can consecrate all the moments of our lives. By living in a way consistent with Torah values and ideals, we consecrate our time and preserve it for all eternity. This mitzvah, therefore, does indeed represent some of the most transcendent spiritual concepts in the Torah. This mitzvah, delivered with the gift of time, was indeed a most fitting beginning for the special relationship between G-d and the people He had chosen as His own.

Why by sanctifying time are we building a special relationship with G-d? What is so special to commemorate a holiday? Why is it so important to know precisely when a holiday begins? Jews can be funny that way. It’s humorous how they rush before Shabbat. What’s the big deal if they’re a little late?

We were not privy to have left Egypt. However, G-d heard our cries and felt, at that moment, a tremendous degree of compassion and with kindness took us out of slavery. We commemorate the holiday of Shevuot – receiving the Torah because G-d felt it was the right time for us to have it. Rosh Hashana is a time of repentance. The Torah describes all these holidays by the word “zman – it’s time for” introducing these special events in that manner… The reason why it was so important to establish the Jewish calendar was to figure out G-d’s exact moment of that compassion, kindness. The Seder night, which we commemorate on Pesach, we sit around and recreate the exodus from Egypt on the grounds that in essence since G-d’s not governed by time and for 3000 years and every Seder night since on the same night. Similarly, that night, we can arouse G-d’s compassion and kindness the same exact way as our ancestors did. We then are ready to ask what we wish for whether good parnassa in our financial quest, a good mate, if one is single, children, if one doesn’t have.

Rosh Hashana is a time where we ask for forgiveness that is the zman to accomplish repentance. The calendar repeats itself year after year; we have another opportunity to make our case for this is the time HE listens with a compassionate ear.

As King Solomon said there is a time for everything. We are headed towards the repentance time. Let us hope all our prayers will be accepted and this time and all the times till 120 we will be written in the book of life!

True love and why we rebel

August 31, 2015 Rabbi Avi Matmon Uncategorized No comments

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s , Berel Wein, Noah Weinberg and Dr. Abba Goldman

Much has to be said of man’s true nature and how that affects his relationships and his conquest. When the masked is uncovered, perhaps one might learn a thing or two about his inner self from the powerful lesson in this week’s parsha. Interestingly, we raise eyebrows as to how the Torah deals with particular incident. After careful study of the human psyche we realize the wisdom of the rule.

Bob and Sue are alone in the park, walking beneath the full moon. Cupid flies by and shoots an arrow. Presto – Bob and Sue are madly in love!

They get married; have kids, a big house, and a heavy mortgage. Bob works hard to pay the bills, staying overtime at the office. While Bob is working late one night with his secretary Carol, Cupid sneaks up and shoots another arrow. Boing! Now Bob’s in love with Carol.

Bob returns home to Susie and proclaims, “I fell in love with the secretary. But what can I do, honey, the bum shot me!”

Out goes Susie, in comes Carol.

What’s the problem? Bob did not delve into an exploration of character and then fell in love after coming to a deep understanding of who she is. Bob’s love is not based on commitment and an effort to reveal virtues.

The more intimate the knowledge, the more you can love.

The Bible says that “Adam knew his wife Eve.” Love is built on knowledge. The more intimate the knowledge, the more you can love.

But the Western world thinks that love is not something you choose, love is something you are a “victim of.” So if you want to stay married, all you can do is hope that you don’t get shot by Cupid again! Is it any surprise that there is a 50 percent rate of divorce?

Infatuation is not love; it’s just physical attraction, the counterfeit. Real love is forever.

We see this in the relationship between parents and children. No parent ever gets up in the morning and decides: “I’ve decided I like the neighbors’ kids better. They don’t cough at night, and they get better math scores. You – kids get out. The neighbors are moving in.”

Sounds crazy, right? We don’t fall out of love with our kids, because we’re committed to loving them.

How do you know if you are in love or infatuated? If you hear yourself saying, “He’s perfect,” or “She’s perfect!” then beware! That’s not reality. That’s a sure sign of infatuation.

Real love takes work. You have to be willing to make the effort

In this week’s parsha we read about something unusual that our Torah permits, for it does not really meet the standards of Torah morality.. If our nation goes to war and our boys find an attractive prisoner of war whom a soldier wishes to wed: “She shall remove the garment of her captivity from upon herself and she shall sit in your house and she shall weep for her father and her mother for a full month; thereafter you may come to her and live with her, and she shall be a wife to you”

Rambam and Ramban believe that the female captive needs the month to overcome idol worship.

There is a very high standard in the requirement process for a Jewish soldier to be accepted for battle. As a matter of fact, it’s downright unrealistic. One has to be an angel to be a soldier in ancient times to fight the holy wars. He has to be a G-d-fearing patriotic and observant person, as outlined in last week’s parsha. How is it possible that a well-trained Jewish soldier well trained both physically and spiritually, who has mastered his faith somehow, enter into a sexual relationship with, the enemy, a non-Jewish woman, a relationship which Rashi points out to us will only bring him future grief and regret. The Torah gave us the impression that he’s a Tsaddik! He is far superior then your average “GI Jewish Joe”.

The heat and passions that war and combat arouse within a person cannot be limited to the actual battlefield alone. They carry on within the psyche and body of the soldier and find different ways of expression in all other areas of human life and experience. Those experienced are etched in him forever. We have seen Vietnam Vets act out their traumatic experiences of their ugly war even after much time has elapsed…

The observant Jew, who under ordinary and usual non-combat circumstances is devotedly pious and moral in one’s behavior, now becomes a sexual predator and enters into a physical relationship with a non-Jewish stranger. Is this not the strongest message possible that the Torah wishes to communicate to us about the consequences and effects of war!?

War requires the abandonment of personal inhibitions. One has to overcome the resistance not kill, however, when that becomes permissible then all barrios of prohibitions are lifted. When the dam breaks then all the water comes gushing out. That will help explain the scenario portrayed for us by this opening parsha of this week’s Torah reading.

When the soldier comes with his booty, his prisoner, his prize that he wants to marry, instead of rejecting her, the Torah surprisingly permits it, however, under special guidelines. For if they would reject his request he would most likely rebel against G-d. Perhaps its reverse psychology, if they say you can’t have it, then you’ll want her even more. Human nature is such that one wants what he can’t have.

Why is the area of sexuality such hot topic that the Torah raised their hands and pursuit it more delicately? How can we use this powerful source correctly? Furthermore the Torah is afraid that if it does not permit the soldier his prize, his new found love, he will disregard the law and rebel. How can the cream of the crop – soldier/talmid chacham rebel?

The sexual pleasure is by in large a difficult one to control, moreover, when you spice it up by adding the label “can’t have” it becomes more desirable, impossible to overcome’. It is so powerful; it can make monkeys out of us. It can be dangerous to the point of wrecking families. That’s why it’s essential to be in control of it.

***** I wrote a memorable article titled “the rebellious streak in all of us” which discusses how powerful our rebellious nature can be. I highly suggest one reads it. It’s part and parcel with this article.

Here’s the link.

It is not for naught that any and all of the blessings that were composed by the rabbis to be recited before the performance of a mitzvah contains the word v’tzivanu – and He has commanded us, for the word mitzvah itself, which we usually translate in terms of being a good deed, literally means something which has been commanded.

To be commanded is very difficult for us Americans to digest. We don’t like to be told what to do. For the most part if we cannot voice our opinion we feel our democratic rights have been violated. To be commanded is a very harsh terminology. We squirm of the ramifications. Perhaps, for this reason much literature of Torah prefers the Hebrew word mitzvah where that tough word – commandment is hidden behind the translation. It gives it a lighter tone. The fault line in Jewish life today remains as it always has been this acceptance or rejection of the concept of v’tzivanu.

Therefore we can sense what the rabbis meant when they said that the people of Israel accepted the Torah at Mount Sinai and they felt that the mountain hung over their heads as a terrible and forced burden.

Let’s explore the rebellious topic and perhaps find the root of where it stems.

Being rebellious is an act of evil.

Ever notice all children when they playfully hit the parent and the parent in return reacts in pain and screams “AHH”, the toddler will turn back with a devilish grin and enthusiastically strike again. When a parent commands “No!” children react the opposite way. As the toddler grows and becomes Bar Mitzvah the father says a special bracha exonerating himself from any sins that the young man will now commit. So children are mischievous. We bring here Ramban’s characteristic interpretation of the verse:

“For the impulse of man’s heart is evil from his youth.” He ascribes merit to men because by their very creation they have an evil nature in their youthful days but not in their mature years.

Is the human being inherently good or evil? This is one of the classic debates in the history of philosophy and religion. One might argue that it would make sense the rebellious nature is ingrained from birth therefore man has an uphill battle.

However, the Talmud teaches: “All Israel have a portion in the World to Come,” i.e. a person is destined for the place of True Reward — unless he or she does something to lose it.

In addition we read man was made in “G-d’s image.” This doesn’t contradict (Bereshit 6:5), for instance, which says, “And G-d saw the great evil of man in the world, and that the entire impulse of the thoughts of his heart were evil all day.” First, the verse doesn’t say that the “heart” itself was evil, but only the “impulse of the thoughts” of the human heart. In other words, side-by-side with this natural spirituality (i.e. the “heart” fashioned in the “Divine Image”) is an impulse for evil.

This impulse may be very strong and capable of overcoming the good to a great extent, but not enough to supplant and entirely eclipse the original state in which the human being was created, namely “in the Divine Image.” Ultimately, an impulse can be repulsed; an inherently evil nature cannot.

Another verse which implies man is inherently good, “G-d “blew the breath of [His eternal] life” into Adam. (Genesis 2:7). “One who blows, blows of the substance from within himself,” the mystics explain on this verse.

In contrast, some of the major representatives of the Mussar movement presented a most pessimistic view of man. Because man was formed from dust of the ground, his heart inclines to material desires, to eat, drink, and be merry, to covet fortune and riches, to love honor and power, to don haughtiness and pride to swell his heart, to delight in carnal pleasures, in every lowly trait and every despicable desire.

The argument of whether man is born inherently good or evil is presented throughout the generations. However, one very crucial aspect of our task in this world, we must realize, is that improvement is imminent. Evidence of positive spiritual growth and refinement of oneself, is on the eighth day from birth where the correction’s process is initiated with circumcision. This is the first of many tikunim – fixations that man is brought down to this world to perform.

One must also refine his character. This is part of productive growth. Interestingly, we see one of the evil characters and influential man of his time in our Torah, Nimrod (which means – to rebel) organize in a cohesive effort the people of the world to build a tower. Their intention was to climb up the tower and to destroy G-d. Yes, to have the audacity to even think about that. Our Sages mention that Nimrod’s arrogance led him to rebelling. The Sages teach us that this rebellious act, and for that matter all acts of rebellion, stems from ego. “I don’t want to be told what to do” “I’m the boss”, “I’m in control”. In essence they’re saying “I’m relinquishing my responsibility for I don’t believe it works. What I propose, what I am doing now is important, nothing else. I don’t care about G-d, only me”.

Perhaps, this is what Bob is saying to Suzie: “I don’t need you. What my feeling now is important and nothing else matters. I set the rules.”

In the Torah, the expression used to describe intimacy is “yadah,” which means “to know.” (“And Adam knew his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and had a child.” – Genesis 4:1) Yadah denotes that intimacy is not just a physical act, but is a full emotional union between two people.

Judaism defines marriage as “finding your other half.” Through marriage, two people become bound together into a single entity, bringing completeness to each other. The longing for intimacy is really an expression of the longing to be joined together with our “other half.” Through the relationship, we express this oneness.

We say that a man does not die except to his wife, and a woman does not die except to her husband. Others are pained by death, but a spouse’s life is demolished. If they had a strong marriage, the surviving spouse will have to reconstruct their whole existence.

Intimacy is not an appetite like every other appetite. It is reserved for the purpose of making oneness. It has to be with love or it is nothing.

When a man and woman make a marital commitment, they form a deep spiritual bond. They give to each other, and are committed for a lifetime. Intimacy binds husband and wife together, because it teaches us to focus beyond ourselves.

Outside of marriage, intimacy is ultimately frustrating because oneness can never be fully achieved. This is obvious in regard to a short-term encounter. But even in a long-term setting: Without the commitment of marriage, you always keep the option open of leaving the relationship. As a result, the degree of connectedness reaches a barrier. Eventually, frustration sets in, and the relationship erodes at its foundation.

Dr. Goldman asks: “Who has the most intense physical relationship? Is it the young newlywed?” Perhaps, at it’s the thirty something? He says something astonishing. The type of people who have the most intense relationship are the older generation, right wing orthodox Jews!!” You got to be kidding me, Doc? How is that possible?

He says “they have shared all their lives”. Dedicating to each other; they raised children; they’ve watched them grow. When they’re intimate it’s an expression of all their love. They become more sensitive to each other and there is a meaningful exchange between them. There is a history between them which translates to what a true “yada” – full emotional union between two people where each is eager to take responsibility of the other.

Rabbi Shimon Schwab walked into the doctor’s office with his wife who had intense uncomfortable feeling in her left leg. The Doctor came in to the examining room and asked what seems to be the problem? The Rabbi answered “our leg hurts”.

In marriage one becomes one flesh. If it hurts the Rebbetzin it will automatically hurt Rabbi Schwab.

Mysticism or just not getting involved

August 28, 2015 Rabbi Avi Matmon Uncategorized No comments

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s Jay Shapiro, Baruch Dopelt, Yissachar Frand, Yossi Bilius and Dr. Abba Goldman

Many people don’t like surprises. It’s nice to know a few steps in advance what to expect from this wonderful life. Preparation is the key to get ahead in this tough world. Perhaps that is why a kabbalist is so popular in this day and age. Perhaps that’s why he can command premium prices. They give us the “inside scoop what lies ahead”. Well, I guess some of the time. Their percentage of being correct is roughly a bit more than half on the average. So what is all the hoopla of “a little bit more than average?” Well, that edge can make a major difference. Life is all about percentages.

However, there is a big time contradicting view to this insider trading philosophy. We learn a very famous concept in this week’s parsha.

The pasuk [verse] teaches, “You shall be innocent (tamim) with the L-rd your G-d” [Devarim 18:13]. Rashi interprets: Walk with Him with innocence (temimut) and accept what He has in store for you; do not try to divine the future; accept what the Almighty gives you with perfect faith.

Thus, after the Torah warns us not to follow those who predict the future in verses 10-11, we are then told to be perfect in our faith that the future is in G-d’s hands, rather than seeking fortune-tellers who are not always correct.

But, isn’t that what we strive for? Our Rabbis explicitly say we have to do hishtadlut-effort! It’s wrong to sit back and expect G-d to deliver. We have to use our know how to produce in the optimal way. Many Jews are born salesmen. The first phrase they utter in the delivery room, after they come into this world, is “how much per carat?” (Referring to the Jewelry business terminology: inciting a business transaction). We have a competitive nature. As a matter of fact, some Jews don’t realize the advantage of learning Torah for an extended period. Many of the ultra-Orthodox, as they are labeled, send their sons to Yeshiva to learn well into their late twenties for a very good reason. Yes, it’s important that they have to learn traits which there are many programs where these Yeshiva boys go to college at night earning a degree, besides learning a primary lesson how to be sensitive to others; they also develop certain sharpness and quick thinking where they’re able to solve tough equations from constantly learning the Talmud. There is a competitive nature that’s developed in the study hall. It’s in our genes to rise to the top, to come up head. What’s the expression: “sharp minds – sharp products”. So we’re always looking for the advantage and if we have the means, the palm reader, forehead reader, name reader, why not take it!!

ARE THE KABALISTS OR EXTRA TERRESTRIAL INCITERS FOR REAL?

It seems like the Rishonim (the highest and the elders level of Sages) believe there is truth to these powers whether it be kosher or not, meaning weather it come from a source of kedusha (holiness) or Tumah (impurity). Even today, most of the mainstream respected Rabbi agrees that to some degree these powers exist.

WHAT IS THE EXACT TRANSLATION OF THE WORD TAMIM?

The word tamim has appeared on numerous occasions in the Torah up to this point, and its translation is always “perfect.” For example, we find in numerous instances that the Torah requires a sacrifice to be tamim, which means perfect and without blemish. Furthermore, we also find that the word tamim suggests a perfection of character: Noach is described as a tamim, one who was perfect in his dedication to G-d, and Avraham is told by G-d, “Come close to Me in worship and be perfect (tamim).”

Why, then, did Rashi veer from this interpretation (which is suggested by Ramban) in our verse, and write instead that tamim means, “Walk with Him simple-heartedly”?

Is the translation of tamim – perfect or is it whole hearted?

Furthermore, we learn how the Torah famously describes our forefather Yaakov and his brother Eisav. “The children grew up and Eisav became a man who knew hunting, a man of the field, and Yaakov was a simple man who sat in the tents.

When the Torah describes Yaakov as a simple person, is that a form of praise or criticism?

When Yaakov steals the blessings, his own father describes the act as cunning (b’mirmah). Was Yaakov simple or was he cunning?

At the Pesach Seder, the third son is the Tam, the simple son. How does he compare to Yaakov?

How does the Tam that we meet at the seder differ from the Torah’s description of Yaakov as “ish tam”?

At that moment [when Eisav found out that Yaakov received the blessings] Eisav began to scream: Come and see what this “tam” did! [He is “tam”] as the Torah states “And Yaakov was a simple man (tam) who sat in the tents.” Is it not enough that he made a fool of me about the fact that I sold the birthright? He now took my blessings! (Devarim Rabbah)

Those who think that one can swindle or fool the simple are mistaken because one who is simple in the path of truth is a worthy opponent to any cheater. Yaakov, our forefather, about whom the Torah testified that he is a “simple man who sat in the tents,” and who embodied the trait of truth, as it states “give truth to Yaakov,” was a worthy opponent to Lavan – the cheater in his swindling. (R. Yechezkel Sarna, Haggadah Shel Pesach Chevron, Knesset Yisrael)

So we see being whole hearted simpleton doesn’t necessarily mean being naive, but how is a tam’s personality defined?

In just a few weeks we, Jews, will be judged by G-d, for the coming year. As we know Yom Kipur is not the final verdict. There is still another chance. At the end of Succot we stay up all night and pray and learn for those precious last moments which can make it or break it in the book of life. The night is called Hoshana Rabba. It’s a custom of the Sephardim and Chassidim… There is a difference of opinions as to what the source of this custom. One source is frankly mind boggling to say the least. It says in the Torah “yom hachitim” day of harvest, however, it should be read “yom hachatoom” the day of the signing.

The custom back in the days was at midnight our ancestors would go into the field and from the reflection of the moon would see their shadow. Now get this: if the shadow had a head – their prayers would be accepted and if their shadows did not……pack your bags!!

Incredibly this originates from a very credible Torah source. Although I suggest you don’t try this at home, or your back yard for that matter. Interestingly when the spies came back and gave a bad report and the people panicked as result of their negative statement; Kalev, one of the two spies that came back with a good report, the other Yehoshua ben Nun, said SAR TZILAM M’ALEHEM-their protection has departed from them. Don’t worry G-d has removed protection from the seven nations. TZILEM means shadow.

Why don’t we do this today? Why don’t we all open our back porch door and find our shadow and hope it’s got a head…YIKES!! It’s not recommended for we don’t exactly know how to interpret the shadow and its angles. Are we are performing it correctly?

At times it’s dangerous reading or following the advice of the supernatural. There is a famous story in the Talmud:

The Midrash teaches that the wise king knew the language of the birds (sichas haTziparim). A person came to Shlomo HaMelech and asked that Shlomo HaMelech teach him this language. At first, the king refused but the man pestered him until he finally relented and taught him sichas haTziparim. The fellow was then walking in the field and heard two birds talking with one another. One bird told the other “You see this fellow; his entire flock of cattle are going to die within the next couple of weeks.” The man went home and immediately sold his entire flock of cattle at the very first opportunity. Lo and behold, two weeks later the entire flock died. The man avoided a major financial setback!

Sometime later, the man was again walking in the field and heard one bird tell another that the fellow they saw was going to have his house and everything therein burn down within two weeks. Again, he sold his house and all his possessions lock stock and barrel. Sure enough, two weeks later the house burned to the ground. Again, he avoided catastrophe!

When he next went out to the field, he heard one bird tell the other that the fellow near them was going to drop dead the following week. He then went back to Shlomo HaMelech and desperately asked for his advice what to do. Shlomo HaMelech said “I told you that I did not want to teach you the language of the birds! You did something terribly wrong and G-d wanted to give you a punishment. He was going to punish you through the death of your cattle. However, you “outsmarted Him” and found out – through the birds – how to avoid that punishment. The punishment would have been for your benefit – that financial setback would have shaken you up and forced you to repent and amend your ways.

Then the Almighty was going to get you to do Teshuva by burning your house down, but again you avoided the tragedy and hence the opportunity to repent. Your sins however now remain and the only option that you left the Almighty is to bring about your death as punishment for those sins.

Aside from second guessing one’s decision which can drive a person bananas there is a simple explanation not to follow the mystical route.

The Ramban says there is legitimacy to some of these astrologists and their hokas pocas highfalutin stuff, however, the reason we don’t follow and listen is because of a fundamental concept. Jews can change their mazal. It might be difficult but it can be done. Avraham and Sarah could not have children, that was their mazal, however, with prayer, teshuva and tzedaka, sounds familiar, we scream and plead that statement during the high holidays prayers: We can change our verdict!! The other nations of the world cannot!

This is a very important point; we can change!! How many people do you know who had some deficit in their lives and prayed or taken upon themselves a mitzvah and saw positive changes in their lives?

However, the human psyche is such that if we are told something negative we fall into despair and think “that’s it” – it’s final. Nevertheless that’s not so, some of the mazal can be changed. In fact some of the negative mazal can be changed rather easier than others. Nevertheless the damage has been done for we feel we are doomed… This despair will lead us not to follow the proper protocol and duty we have as Jews which is prayer and good deeds. This entail will fight the negative decree and overturn the verdict… One loses focus that our bread is always buttered by G-d and the methods of change that He provides. However, we don’t take Him up on it. This knowledge from the astrologist or more legitimate Kabbalist is better not known for our own sake; it’s counterproductive. The hidden secret is better hidden. If one thinks they can manage with the hidden truth, even though it’s not so accurate to begin with, hey! By all means, go for it! However, the Sages want to protect us and preserve the proper and optimal channels to G-d.

On Pesach we read about the four sons. There is a general opinion that the rasha-evil one is on one side; opposite him is the Chacham-smart one. Under the chacham there is the Tam and “the one who doesn’t know how to ask”. So we have the chacham, then dumb and dumber. Interestingly there is an opinion that suggests that opposite the rasha is in fact the tam. The Tam doesn’t ask; he takes it the way it is. He is pure, there are no questions. He’s not like the rasha a pure cynic. He is not a fool. He doesn’t need to ask questions, everything is clear. The tam heads no complaints, he is perfectly happy with his lot. It seems like we’re painting a perfect picture. He is shalem-complete; Shalem is the same word as shalom-peace. Ironically, this is the description of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai – the granddaddy of mysticism.

It’s a difficult question to answer, for everyone is different. If one is clever enough to walk the fine line between a touch of mysticism and practicality – kol hakavod to him. However, if one is of the personality that can get sucked into a web and get tangled where he’s running to the kabbalist for every nick and cranny, that’s a recipe for disaster. Then perhaps we should take the advice of the pasuk and follow the Torah as is!

A vision beyond sight

August 24, 2015 Rabbi Avi Matmon Uncategorized No comments

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s Yissachar Frand, Berel Wein, Yossi Bilius, Akiva Tatz, Nosson Chaim Leff, Pinchas Winston and Dr. Abba Goldman, David Abraham esq

One can argue that man hasn’t changed in thousands of years, same jealousy, same rivalry; ego’s has to be stroked; bribes have to be slipped under the table. Speaking bad about each other is the social norm. Moreover a couple of shots of one’s favorite scotch has to be taken after a long hard day at the office in order to preserve some degree of sanity. Where have you gone HAKEREM wines!!! Yes, Yes the good old Torah is trying to change that however the evil in all of us is putting on a good fight. Perhaps, we have not envisioned things so clear. Perhaps we have to see beyond what is projected.

Avraham and Sarah, G-d’s favorite people, the ambassadors of the Almighty were having difficulty having kids. (In Vitro treatment was not yet available). Interesting, one method to become fertile is by being around children. Apparently Sarah gave over her own maidservant to Avraham which produced a son, Yishmael.

The scripture tells us that Hagar taunted and teased Sarah for not having children. The audacity one can display!! Seemingly we see the bad character trait at its height of the maidservant. Can one really be unappreciative ingratitude to someone, Sarah, who actually initiated and encouraged the Idea. of letting you have relations with her husband? This is how you pay someone back? This display led to a bad relation between the two women which escalated even after Sarah gave birth, to her own son Yitzchak, which she had with Avraham. The bitterness and hatred spilled over to the sons to a point that Sarah influenced Avraham, and rightfully so, to ask Hagar and Yishmael to leave.

Trouble loomed ahead for Hagar and her son Yishmael on their journey as their food suply and water dwindled and starvation and death seemed imminent. While she rested in the hot dessert G-d appeared to her in a dream and assured her not to worry “and your son will blossom into a great nation”. When Hagar awoke, something interesting occurred that perhaps wasn’t there before. A revelation!! She opened her eyes and saw a well of water. Was the well there before? Was it a miracle? How did many of G-d’s revelation throughout the Torah happen?

There was something about Haggar vision that changed the perceptional dynamics of the dessert and this is what the begining of this week’s parsha is trying to convey. “See, I give you today blessing and curse” (Devarim 11:26

The most important word in the above-quoted verse is the three letter verb that opens the sentence — and opens the Torah section of Re’eh, giving the parshah its name. The word “sees.”

“See” is a loaded word. The Torah demands of us more than simply eye vision. We are challenged to see the physically useable and to deal with abstractions of thought and policy and make them real.

So re’eih is as much a state of mind and contemplation as it is one of actual eyesight. That is why the Torah states that we should somehow see and behold possible blessings and curses in our future – successes and failures. The human eye cannot discern blessings or curses. What sometimes appears to be a wonderful idea, a great blessing, a most correct policy may, in fact, turn out to be a cursed disaster.

One should know a fundamental concept in the Torah. When a word appears for the first time in the Torah its content is its essence. The translation of the word “see” is Ra’ah”.In the onset of the parsha Bereshit 1:4 G-d created light and he saw that it was good. The association of “see” “light” and “good” are forever linked together. Latter on, the pasuk (Bereishis, 1:31): which concludes the Torah’s account of Creation. That is: “Vayahr HaShem es kohl asher asah, vehinei tov me’od.” (ArtScroll: “And God saw all that He had made; and behold, it was very good.”) The Sfat Emet adds that the gaze of G-d continues forever, giving life and vibrancy to the whole world. That’s a powerful look!! Thus, he tells us that all Creation is connected with G-d through that gaze. Therefore we have a unique new definition of what a look, a gaze can project Its best through light which represents clarity..

What is this clarity? Seeing is not just a vision; seeing is a projection. We see examples of this throughout the Torah.

the people of S’dom were punished with blindness for seeing only with their eyes and not with their mind’s eye. They didn’t use clarity. For looking back towards S’dom while fleeing, Lot’s wife was turned into a pillar of salt. Furthermore Lot’s warning to his sons-in-law was “a joke in their eyes,” they suffered the same destruction as the rest of the people of S’dom.

Avraham stop over with the Philistines. When the people of the city asked about his wife Sarah, he told them that she was his sister, fearing that they would kill him to take her. The king, Avimelech, did take Sarah, and was therefore Divinely punished with a painful sickness. He was then told by G-d that Sarah was Avraham’s wife, not his sister. A harried and suffering Avimelech asked Avraham,

“What did you see that made you act this way, calling your wife Sarah your sister?”

Avraham answered, I saw that “there was no fear of G-d here.” Abrraham saw beyond the articulate polished, supposedly dignified soldiers of Avimelech. One can say he saw right through them..

In Hebrew, the word for fear is the same word as seeing. When you see with clarity one will come to the realization of G-d’s greatness and awe .and will elevate the person to a higher fearful spiritual realm.

How did Avraham see that they were lacking fear of G-d? Because, says Rashi, the Philistines were more interested in Sarah than in doing chesed for strangers. As Avraham understood only too well, one’s propensity for chesed is a clear measure of one’s understanding of human potential, and of the purpose of creation. A nation that does chesed-kindness is a nation that is connected to the deeper meaning in life, to G-dliness. This, Avraham saw, was not the Philistine people.

After all, why was Lot’s wife turned into a pillar of salt for looking back at S’dom? Answers Rashi, because when Lot was doing chesed for the three strangers (angels sent by G-d to overturn S’dom and save Lot, though he did not know this at the time), he asked his wife for some salt for them. She answered,

“Do you intend to introduce this evil custom here as well?”

The salt she detested sharing became the symbol of her own limited outlook on giving.

Many who grew up in this country associate ‘SEE”, for a brief instinct, with national anthem of the United States.and Baseball. I personally wouldn’t know how to hum the tune of the antham if not for having to here it before every ball game. As children there was a popular joke which was not very funny at all. At best it received was a polite chuckle.if we liked the person who told it over. Interestingly there is a very deep message that fits in well with our topic.

A Mexican man sneaks across the border to watch his favorite Baseball team play…

…and makes it all the way to the stadium. He doesn’t have tickets so he finds a large pole to climb up on and jumps down into the top of the bleachers to get a bird-eye view of the game.

After the game was over and his buddies ask him how the game was back in Mexico he replies:

“I don’t know why you all don’t think Americans are nice. As soon as I sat down everyone turned around, looked at me, and started singing ‘Jose, can you see?'”

The national anthem starts “Oh say can you see” which rhymes with “Jose can you see” However the American establishment have a different vision of what Jose is seeing. The goal of “Jose can you see” is to influence or change the addressee; it looks like a question but it contains an implied command. Once a person is addressed as Jose a series of associations are brought up.. The flag of the US which is what Jose is to look at while singing the national anthem reflects and refract into Jose himself oh say can you see becomes Jose can you see to define and articulate a new identity for him and to remind him of his illegal alien status or second class citizen, a derogatory insult, which touches a cord and painful for many.. Do you see Jose who you really are, the joke implies. We want you to see yourself as we see you.

What was looked as a innocent joke as a child has far more implications as an adult

One has to always bring up the famous site of where Abraham brought his son Yitzchak to be slaughtered. When G-d tests Avraham the tenth and final time, He commands him to bring Yitzchak up as an offering. He tells him to bring Yitzchak to the place that will be revealed along the way. Sure enough, on the third day of his journey, Avraham “lifted his eyes” and saw the Divine sign: a mountain encompassed with fire from earth to heaven and the Clouds of Glory hovering above it.

The midrash says that when Avraham asked Yitzchak what he saw in the distance, he answered, “The Divine Presence.” However, when he asked Yishmael and Eliezer who accompanied them what they saw, they answered, “Nothing.” This, Avraham understood, was the Divine sign that only he and Yitzchak were to continue on from that point.

What about a person who lives with a lesser spiritual awareness? G-d communicates with him through more natural means (which makes belief in G-d more difficult and belief in nature more comfortable). When Eliezer and Yishmael were denied a direct vision of the Divine Presence, it was clear that they were not on a great enough spiritual level, and therefore Avraham had no choice but to leave them behind with the donkey.

Perhaps now we can understand why Hagar saw the well of water after the dream where G-d appeared as apose to not seeing it before.. She saw with a different perspective. The vision wasn’t on just the surface.

A great example is after forty years or so I have access to see some of my childhood TV shows. When seeing them, it wasn’t just the show that was remembered it was all the thoughts and feelings that I had at the time that resurfaced when I was watching.

Amazingly we all can be watching the same thing however every one of us is seeing it differently. A prime example is a period in time about a hundred and fifty years ago where artistic world was going through a major transformation. The artist had to recreate themselves because of the invention of photography. Before, if one wants to recreate an image of himself he would go to an artist where then the artist would paint as accurate of a life size image as possible. Not anymore for one dollar he now is able to take a photo. So the artist is competing now with a real image. The new artist now was impressionist. They would draw a lady, with a blue dress sitting on a chair the way they perceived they saw. A lady with a red dress and an apple on her head. That is the impression they saw.

Parshas Tazriah dealing with “Garment Leprosy” (tzaraas haBeged). The pasukim tell us that if the affliction remains the same size after one week’s time, the Kohen must wash the garment and isolate if for another seven days. [Vayikra 13:53-54]

The next pasuk continues: “The Kohen shall look after the affliction has been washed, and behold! The affliction has not changed “et aino”… According to the simple interpretation of the pasuk (p’shuto shel mikra), the words “et Aino” mean “its appearance”. But one can homiletically interpret (and this is said by the Imrei Shammai) that the meaning is the affliction did not change “et eino” – the eye = perception of the person who owns the afflicted garment. It was his negative perception that got him into the problem in the first place and as long as the “evil eye” persists, the problem of tzaraat will remain and as the Torah proclaims: Tameh hu – It shall be impure. It is all a matter of perception.

The Sefat Emet points out that the word Nega (which the Torah uses interchangeably with tzaraat), spelled nun gimmel ayin, has the exact same letters as the word oneg- enjoyment, spelled ayin nun gimmel. The only difference between them is where the letter ayin (which also means ‘eye’) is placed. Is the ‘ayin’ placed at the end of the word? Then it is Nega [affliction]! If the ‘ayin’ is placed at the beginning of the word, then it is Oneg [enjoyment]! If the ‘eye’ = ayin is in the right place, then Nega can turn into Oneg. It is all a matter of perception. Lashon Harah is not a disease of the mouth or tongue. It is a disease of the eye.

This is why the prophets describe the messianic era as a time of seeing: “Your eyes will see your Master” (Isaiah 30:20); “All flesh will together see that the mouth of G-d has spoken” (ibid. 40:5). To “see” is to inhabit a world in its ultimate state of perfection, a world which has realized its Divine purpose and attained a total and absolute knowledge of its Creator

Making thing clear on our priorities

August 24, 2015 Rabbi Avi Matmon Uncategorized No comments

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s Yissachar frand, Berel Wein, Yossi Bilius and Dr. Abba Goldman, Chana Weisberg

Woke up, fell out of bed

Dragged a comb across my head

Found my way downstairs and drank a cup and looking up I noticed I was late I thought for a second, held my breath ready to embrace an action pact day. I have to figure out what’s on the agenda and what to tackle first. I have to priorities. There is an important business deal that could land some nice money and pay for back tut ions. There is also my daughter’s play which could overlap the business appointment. Oh yes, I forgot there is this and there is that.

There’s a compelling phrase in Job (5:7): “A person was born to work.” In other words, this world is a place where we get things done. However, as anyone who has stayed up all night working will tell you, we can’t do it all. The Misilat Yesharim, one of the classics in Jewish literature character improvements books, writes that ninety eight percent of people before dying admitted they have not accomplished half of what the set out in life. That would be considered a major disappointment, So it seems like, we have to prioritize, as best as possible, what is needed to do and what it is we are trying to accomplish.

However, poor judgment and bad values are common. Some more apparent than others:

How many remember this classic tale?

A Londoner parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he’s getting out of the car, a huge truck comes speeding along too close to the curb and takes off the door before zooming off. More than a little Distraught, the Londoner grabs his hand phone and calls the police. Five Minutes later, the police arrive.

Before the police man has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts

Screaming hysterically: “My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it’s at the mechanic it’ll simply never be the same again!”

After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head In disgust. “I can’t believe how materialistic you bloody Londoners are,” He says. “You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else in your life.”

“How can you say such a thing at a time like this?” sobs the Porsche

Owner.

The policeman replies, “Didn’t you realize that your right arm was torn Off when the truck hit you.”

The Londoner looks down in horror. He screams…….

My Rolex!!!

The message is clear and with humor nonetheless. We know where this guy’s priorities are; hope it’s not yours. Interestingly, though, this next classic very common story, although an important lesson no doubt is followed by an interesting Torah incident make us more aware that to priorities is not a simple matter.

Naomi is married to a very busy, goal-oriented individual. She often laments how due to his overloaded schedule, they rarely spend quality time with each other.

One day, Naomi phoned her husband to tell him that a very important client, who had been trying to meet with him for a long time, had called. She had taken the initiative and scheduled a meeting for 8:00PM that evening at an elegant restaurant in a downtown hotel.

Naomi’s husband thanked her for her efforts and assured her that he’d rearrange his schedule to make the meeting.

At 7:45PM, Naomi’s husband drives up to the hotel; by 7:55, he’s seated in a quiet corner of the restaurant, at a discreet table conducive for discussion. By 7:57PM, he has smoothed his tie and ordered drinks for himself and his client. At a minute to 8:00, he clicks off his cell phone and clears his mind from all the day’s issues, so nothing would distract him.

A few moments later, to his utter astonishment, Naomi enters the restaurant dressed in an exquisite outfit. He watches as she purposefully makes her way to his table and gracefully sits down opposite him.

His perplexed expression briefly turns to annoyance then to anger, but finally settles on admiration as it dawns on him that his wife is the “important client who had been trying to meet him for a long time.” She has gone through this elaborate scheme just to make him appreciate that she was no less worthy of his time and attention than any lucrative client.

Their hour together in the quiet corner of that elegant hotel, with his cell phone turned off and all other appointments cancelled, was productive and enjoyable for both of them. So much so, that hopefully, Naomi won’t have to rely on such ruses to make it happen again–more regularly…

The priority to have shalom between a husband and wife is so great, it is so dear to G-d that HE says: Let my name be erased in the water, if only to bring peace between man and wife. This is referring to the sotah a wife whose husband suspects her of adultery where then she has to go through a ritual. This consist of the wife, who denies the charges, having to drink a specific potion administered by the priest where this mixture consists of a parchment with G-d’s name being erased with water mixed with the ashes of a red cow. If she’s telling the truth, she will incur abundance of blessings. However if she’s lying she and her partner in sin will die a gruesome spectacular death

Family is very important. There is an incident though involving our great leader Moshe that has to be addressed. Moshe on his return to Egypt as the Redeemer of Israel stopped with his wife and two sons to take up lodging for the night. The Torah tells us that Moshe “…was encountered by G-d who sought to kill him”. Rashi in his commentary cites the Midrash that tells us that when Moshe embarked on his journey to Egypt, Eliezer (his second son) had already been born but was not yet circumcised. Moshe believed that circumcising him prior to embarking on the journey would endanger the life of his newborn (Eliezer). On the other hand, to delay the journey would be unacceptable because G-d told him to go to Egypt.

Moshe’s obligation to circumcise his son would have been at the first available moment. When Moshe stopped for his night’s lodging, he first attended to unloading his pack animal rather than circumcising his son. Because of this delay an angel came and tried to kill him.

We see life is full of important decisions and one has to priorities and categories what’s deemed most important. Was unloading his pack of animals and settling in or circumcising his son more important? Where does the priority lie?

Rashi, in commenting on the first word of this week’s parsha, based on Midrash, expands the meaning of the word eikev implying the word, means “foot” or “heel.” He comments that there are commandments and values in Jewish Torah life that the Jews somehow take lightly. Keeping Shabbat is cool however saying the prayer for the moon can be ignored. They grind them into the dust of everyday life by stepping upon them with their foot and/or heel. It is these, so to speak, neglected commandments and values that are the true key for spiritual success and a good life. Rashi emphasizes to us that the choice of the word eikev,Torah is teaching us the valuable lesson of life that there really are no small things or inconsequential acts.

The rabbis in Avot taught us to be careful with “light” commandments just as we are justly careful with more stringent and weighty commandments. The rabbis emphasize that one does not know the true effect of the observance of these “light” commandments in the reward and punishment scheme of the judgment of Heaven. So the Torah in effect teaches us to watch our step and actions lest our heel unintentionally treads upon a holy commandment and/or value.

It is difficult for us to measure differing values and the weight and worth of any of the commandments of the Torah. Whenever we need some sort of clarification,, the halachic process, Jewish law, resolves for us what our behavior and action should be. They priorities for us or they protect and prevent us from stomping on commandment that we might deem as secondary.

Yet, on an intellectual and spiritual plane, we are always faced with decisions regarding our priorities of behavior and action. In essence we are on our own. There are no specifics on how to behave and feel. We are, at times, in the midst of a heart felt prayer to our creator, when a poor man shoves his hands in front of us demanding that he be given give some money. What should we do? Shall we ignore the poor man and attempt somehow regains the devotional intent in prayer or shall we abandon the prayer and grant a coin to the beggar? Which value shall we tread upon with our heel? The Torah doesn’t instruct us. There is no precise law on those situations, Furthermore there is no particular law or Shulchan Aruch (book of laws) details on emotions. Although we know G-d doesn’t approve us displaying feelings of anger or other negative emotions. Moshe displayed anger when he hit the rock. That action prevented him from entering the Promised Land. However there is no specific punishment for anger, or for that matter, other negative feelings. Our Sages try to coach us on how to behave. In fact the Torah presents us many stories of our Patriarch and Matriarch and their encounters and experiences. How they dealt with a Lavan an Eisav. Moshe dialogues with Pharaoh, and so on, are all a lesson to be learned. However the Torah does not present it as an instructional set of laws, the ABC of how to behave. We have to come to our own logical moral decision. Our Rabbi today has special classes or sermons to emphasize those lessons however nothing is officially from the written Torah.

Perhaps rightfully so that the Torah doesn’t govern our emotions. After all we are not robots. We are not Mr. Spock. It might be argued that the Rabbis have enough say in our lives. Hey! stop budding in. The buck stops here. No emotional control necessary.

Its interesting, why did they indeed stop there? Why didn’t our Sages regulate all aspect of our lives? Why not? If they have enough chutzpah to tell us which shoe to tie first why not instruct us how to display our feelings?

One must realize that prioritizing will define who we are. How big is that? We learn from Noach.

Noach – the man of the land – planted a vineyard” [Bereshis 9:20]. Rashi comments on the words “the man of the land” (ish ha’adama) that this connotes that Noach was defined by the land.. Noach was the “master of the land”.

Ramban notes that this usage sets a precedent (zeh bana av) for such constructs elsewhere in Tanach. The person — “ish” — is defined by what comes after it. The Ramban cites the additional example of “ish haElokim” [Devorim 33:1] by Moshe – the man of G-d, meaning a person who defined himself by G-d. Noach, on the other hand, became a person who was defined by the land

Rav Yeruchum Levovitz explains that this teaches a lesson regarding the importance of proper priorities. There are many things which we must do in this world. We have many obligations. But priorities DEFINE what a person will become. The pasuk says “vaYachel Noach ish haAdamah”. Our Sages note that earlier Noach was referred to as a pure and noble spirit (Noach ish Tzadik tamim). Look what happened to him! Suddenly he is called a “man of the earth.” Where did he go wrong? Chazal explain that his spiritual descent was extremely subtle. It was not a dramatic rebellion or change of life style. Heaven Forbid! Noach merely misplaced his priorities and planted what should have been a later crop ahead of what should have been earlier plantings.

Noach’s inappropriate first priority became his defining essence as mentioned in the previously quoted Rashi. [Ish haAdama <-> Ish haElokim] The vineyard defined him because that became the number one priority in his life. It is crucial to maintain appropriate priorities.

The Sages write that not one human being is the same. and therefore character traits are very hard to gage. Every individual has their own sensitivities and what might be easy character trait to overcome for one can be a tremendous struggle for another. This is clearly evident by the Torah. Avraham and Yitzchak, father and son were two very different individuals. They had the same goals however they approached their challenges in their own unique way. So one set of rule will not be applicable for all. High expectancy of character traits cannot spell out every situation. One has to use judgement in the right way. As a matter of fact Jewish education has flirted with the idea to approach each child with a different teaching method. This is the proper approach. It’s an injustice to teach and to grade children, students the same. Obviously because of the cost involved that approach is highly unlikely. Jewish mystical tradition reveals the tremendous power that each human being has to affect the world through the unique gift of freewill. The idea that G-d created a world where humans were given a freewill is a gift of tremendous magnitude and responsibility in itself. That is the responsibility where the Torah gives us the ability to show who we are, what we will define. Will we get are priorities straight like Moshe-the man of G-d or not like Noach-the man of the land?

So we see what define a person’s essence is how he deals with his personal agenda

We need comfort, thats the truth!

August 24, 2015 Rabbi Avi Matmon Uncategorized No comments

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s , Berel Wein, Daniel Travis and Dr. Abba Goldman, Rabbi’s Noach Isaac Oelbaum

Parashat VaEtchanan always has an upbeat feel to it since it always falls on Shabbat Nachamu, the first of seven Shabbatot of consolation after Tisha B’Av. This Sabbath is traditionally called the “Sabbath of Comfort.” which takes its name from the haftarah from Isaiah in the Book of Isaiah 40:1-26 that speaks of “comforting” the Jewish people for their suffering. Yours truly got married at a later age, and for many years this Shabbat is associated, in my mind, with big singles weekend events which was conducted up in the Catskills kosher hotels. My personal experience, there wasn’t much comfort at all attending those events.

However, there is a deeper look at the concept of comfort and consolation that must be explored. Since grief, pain, disappointment and loss are all part of the story of every human being, it is remarkable how little attention most people pay to the necessity of dealing with misfortune – of how to achieve comfort and consolation. We are all actively engaged in attempting to avoid problems and pain – and correctly so – but deep down within our being we know that no human escapes tasting the bitter cup that life always brings with it. So it would be of aid to all of us to investigate how to deal with sadness and bring consolation and closure.

Furthermore “to comfort” is mightily important, and is a vital weapon, in the progress of life. Nonetheless, one has to understand what actions and ramifications fall under the category of “to be comforted” and “to comfort” for that matter.

There is an incident that occurred last year that I would like to share, which is etched in my mind since for it touched about people I grew up with and perhaps we can have a bit more clarity of “comfort”. I beleive its a powerful lesson to say the least.

Howard Johnsons in Rego Prk Queens in the 1960″s

I was part of a small patched up community consisting Bukharian, Avgani and Persian families migrating last from Israel, and settling in the Boro Park, Rego Park Forest Hills area in the 1960’s. As children we looked up to the older teenagers, for they were considered both Americans as well as the Israeli flavor of our parents, which was more pronounced in them since they were born there. There was an older girl, and I best remember her as the girl with the white hat which she wore with her white dress, whom had, with other teenagers her age, approximately ten years our senior, a tremendous influence on us. Many years later, I remember watching My bar mitzvah video and sadly, seeing her as a newlywed schmoozing with guests and gleaming proudly from ear to ear with her husband of a few months, at my smorgasbord party realizing in hindsight that a few years after that moment she will be divorced and being a single mom of her only child; she never married again

It was the beginning of chol hamoed last year where I received a call from my childhood friend stating that the girl with the white hat is in the hospital and I should visit her. He insisted I should not delay because she has approximately a week to live. I was stunned after hanging up the phone.

I called up a relative, who actually was in her class in grade school, and we both made the trip to North Shore Manhasset Hospital.

We met the son in the hallway and he confirmed the diagnosis. It was strange and eerie walking into her hospital room. The girl with the white hat although looked like a terminally ill cancer patient, was sitting up and was fully aware, memory intact, and speaking without any effort. The one flaw in her was that she was in complete denial of her grave condition. She kept on repeating “am I going to be okay?”. Unfortunately before realizing her condition I advised her that she should make peace with those people that she might of left hanging, only realizing later after she ignored the statement that it was inappropriate. Although I believe its vital that if one knows he’s not going to be in this world for very long that they should tie any loose ends. However!! One has to assess one’s condition and cautiously with sensitively, approach the situations appropriately.

After about seven days, I got a text as soon as Simchat Torah ended, that the girl with the white hat had indeed past away. The relative whom I went with to the hospital had visited her again 3 days before she died and said she was still fully aware, memory intact. He then said something interesting she received a visitor for an old friend and she asked him as well as others “am I going to be okay?” where then the friend countered in a strong confident voice with hand motions and all “of course you’re going to be okay we’re walking out of this hospital tomorrow hand and hand. Why don’t you pick your favorite restaurant and we’ll go next week. We’ll have a blast like the good old days”. My relative questioned the old friend’s response stating that its inappropriatly misleading. He said comforting someone is one thing but lying is out of line.

Well, what do you say my fellow readers? Was the old friend inappropriate?

Interestingly, one will find a mind boggling approach from our Torah and the lesson is from the famous incident of Abraham and his three guests.

Avraham lifted up his eyes and saw three men standing a short distance from him. (Bereshith 18:2)

The three strangers who visited Avraham were not men at all; they were angels disguised as men. Since Avraham had been experiencing a great deal of pain following his brit milah, God brought a heat wave to the region so that people would not travel. This would give Avraham a chance to rest, for he would not be bothered by guests. However, seeing that Avraham was distressed by the fact that no guests were coming to his home, G-d sent three angels disguised as men to visit him

We find the three angels coming to Abraham with a number of tasks, one of which is to tell Sarah that she will have a baby. The angels made a point of inquiring about Sarah, ‘Where is your wife, Sarah?’ so as to endear her to her husband’ (Bava Metzia 87a). The question that the angels asked, set up a response by Abraham (she’s in the tent) and through those words that he uttered, made him realize the exceptional modesty his wife possessed. Therefore, she would become even dearer to him.

We find something interesting in the Gemara in Ketubot in which we see that it is permissible to lie to a groom and tell him ‘your wife is such a beautiful Kallah (bride)’, even though she’s not. But for the sake of endearing the wife in the groom’s eyes, a little white lie is permissible. Commentaries on this Gemarah extend this idea. For example, if one purchases an item, let’s say a tie, and you meet him for coffee, even though the tie is not nice, one should lie in order not to make him feel bad; (If there is no refund policy.)

Furthermore in the parsha, we find Sarah could not believe the good news of her upcoming pregnancy. But she had an interesting response about her husband, ‘How can we have kids? My master is old’. But G-d misquoted her to Abraham, saying only about her ‘I have aged’ (not mentioning Abraham). G-d lied for the sake of shalom (peace), so that her words should not offend Abraham. This, despite the fact that Abraham was indeed old (he was 99) and would certainly have realized that she had no ill intentions when she had said it. Yet to avoid that tiniest possibility of friction, to refrain from diminishing somewhat the peace and harmony (shalom bayit), G-d altered her words.

There were two lies in this story line. In circumstances in which it is clear to everyone involved that an untruth is being told it is not considered a lie.. For this reason, we may disguise ourselves on Purim, or dress in costume for a performance – even if our identity is unrecognizable – without fear that we are deceiving others.. Since everyone knows that the mask hides someone, we need not concern ourselves with the ramifications of using a ruse. Avraham, on the other hand, did not know that his “guests” were really angels. Was he not being deceived into thinking that his visitors were men? Was he not being deceived about what his wife thought of him?

The Gemara cites the story of Rav Akiva and his wife who were extremely poor and possessed nothing more than straw to sleep on. God sent the Prophet Eliyahu to them, disguised as a beggar, to ask them if they had some straw to spare. Rav Akiva and his wife, who had been feeling the privation of their dire financial situation, found new hope in the realization that someone else was even poorer than they were. For the sake of alleviating their anguish, Eliyahu was permitted to impersonate a beggar in need of straw..

From the above incident the Gemara derives that in a situation in which someone needs comforting, the halachah permits us to act like Eliyahu.. For example if someone complains to us about his monetary problems, we may tell him that we are experiencing financial difficulties of our own, even if this is not so. Similarly Avraham, the pillar of kindness, was greatly distressed that he did not have a single guest. The angels alleviated his spiritual pain, and performed a tremendous act of kindness by coming to Avraham dressed as mortal beings. In order to preserve harmony between Avraham and Sarah G-d told a little white lie.

One has to realize a major fundamental concept that has been misinterpreted. Its one of the most famous word not only with us Jews but infact the world; the definition of the word EMET. Western concept of EMET-truth is defined as- facts no mater what the consequences are.. The Torah definition is: if there is no kindness to Emet it is not Emet. If one hurts someone with words even though its factual it’s not Emet. One has to live life according to whats right strait-yashar. The Angels changed the story and told Avraham Sarah will have a child; factual is not correct.. How to be kind is the EMET. What is important is not being perverted by self-interest.

The girl with the white hat was in denial. She wanted to hear reassurance. She wasn’t interested in factual, Deep down she knew her faith. The old friend was correct in reassuring her everything will be okay. That is true comfort. He was kind to her at the end of her life. That is Emet.

An impactful EMET is what happened to our people at our lowest point in our history. The most intriguing and fascinating items of the Mishkan (Tabernacle) are the Keruvim. They were found on top of the Aron. They were two child-like faces with wings pointed upwards. When the Israelite’s were close to G-d, they would embrace each other, and when the Jews were not on the standards that they should be, the Keruvim would face away from one another.

Shockingly when the Romans destroyed the Temple they mockingly brought out the Keruvim and showed everyone that the two childlike figures were hugging each other. They should of been in opposite directions.

G-d wanted to show the Jews in this time of defeat in this time of trouble, in this time of devastation and death, the lowest point in Jewish history G-d loves us. That is the ultimate reassurance!! This is against the facts. However the Emet is the Jews will build the third temple again. G-d was showing the ultimate comfort

Tisha B’Av and the 9 days…let’s party!!!!

August 24, 2015 Rabbi Avi Matmon Uncategorized No comments

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of

Rabbi’s Yissachar frand, Baruch Dopelt

Fasting is not the easiest and the most popular aspect of Judaism, however, one is required unequivocally to do so. It’s part of the package deal. There are six fasts in our Jewish calendar year. The way to remember them is by this little rhyme: boy, girl, long, short, black and white. Boy is Tzom Gedalia; Girl is Ta’anit Esther; long is 17 of Tamuz (for it’s the longest); short is 10 of Tevet; White is Yom Kippur and black is the 9th of Av.

Interestingly, black is always associated with the 9th of Av because of the major bad luck the Jewish nation had experienced. Our sages teach that the ninth day of Av is a cursed day that is eternally destined for bad luck and tragedy. Over the years we have wrote of tragedies that have fallen upon us starting from the three weeks leading up to the fast day. This year, perhaps what looms in many is the dangerous Iran nuclear deal with the United States which was finalized during this period. What a disaster!!

The first nine days of the Hebrew month of Av, culminating with the fast of Tisha b’Av, are days of national mourning, when we contemplate the nearly 2,000-year-long galut, the physical and spiritual displacement of our nation.

No one likes being sad. People gravitate to happy moments. We always reminisce subconsciously selecting and magnifying the good times of our lives and abandoning the unhappy moments. Interestingly, even when we recall a negative aspect of our past it’s usually sugarcoated and minimized. That’s human nature. We prefer the smiley Politician, the happy home maker, the cheery waiter, the polite banker.

Though festivities are inappropriate for these days, there is one avenue of joy that is permitted-joy associated with serving G-d, the joy of a mitzvah, in particular a siyum (the completion of a tractate of the Talmud-which is both a mitzvah as well as an academic feat). In fact, the celebration of certain mitzvot overrides the sorrowful nature of the moment, and calls for a seudat mitzvah-a celebratory mitzvah meal during which course the mourning practices of these days are relaxed. On those celebrations in particular meat which is usually prohibited during the 9 days is served. Some even allow music.

My friend invited me to one of those; however, it seemed a little odd. I suspected since he being a big party goer and his neighborhood always is a little excessive of serving the best of everything at kiddushes, weddings, bar mitzvot, this invite was sort of forced out of sheer effort to party. A sham you might say; an excuse to eat pastrami and garlic hotdogs. Perhaps to say, hey we can do it in the confines of Halacha-HA- HA. However, there is a deeply rooted, mind boggling, reason for having this festive occasion during the nine days and it makes perfect logical sense!!!

There is a Gemara in tractate Shabbat that mentions Abaya – one of the prominent figures of the Talmud would pay for the celebration of his friend’s completion of a tractate and invite the entire Rabbinical body, making it a public display, even though it was thought to be a private event.

There is a Chassidic tradition where there is participation in a siyum during each of these nine days!! The question is why? Why some do celebrate deliberately? Isn’t that act putting a slight on the mourning period; isn’t that insulting the ones who perished on account of that day? Isn’t that putting salt on the wound of the bitter pill our ancestors experienced? One has to realize the ramifications of these dark days. Tisha B’Av is brutal. Do people realize it’s Tisha B’Av!!

Let’s examine a few famous incidences in our history in particular, Rabbi Akiva, Moshe and Apter Rebbe and perhaps we will get a better understanding of this action.

During the period of Sefirat HaOmer, 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva died. Our sages say it was because they did not show proper respect for one another [Yevamot 62b]. This seems to be a rather serious punishment for such a light offense. Why were they deserving of such harsh judgment?

Perhaps, film writers took their romantic story line from this particular Gemara. It sure sounds familiar. The Talmud [Kesubot 62b] relates the story of an ignorant shepherd named Akiva, who Rachel – the daughter of the wealthy Kalba Savua wished to marry. She fell in love with him according to the Gemara, because he was “modest and a good person”. She knew that if he would apply himself to Torah studies, he would become a great scholar. Her father threatened that he would disown and disinherit her if she married such an ignoramus. She married him anyway. They were paupers for 24 years. We know the rest of the story.

Tosfot (one of the prominent commentaries in the Talmud) in Tractate Ketubot asks how it could be that the Gemara there describes Rabbi Akiva as a “good person” when the Talmud elsewhere [Pessachim 49b] says that Rabbi Akiva (when he was an ignoramus) used to hate Torah scholars and would (if he could) bite into them like a donkey. Boy, that sounds familiar, it seems like history repeats itself. I know a few of those that have sharp teeth. Tosfot answers that Rabbi Akiva expressed this attitude not out of hatred for Torah scholars per se, but out of resentment that they kept themselves aloof from the masses. He perceived (perhaps erroneously) haughtiness on their part and therefore could not stand such perceived arrogance.

Tosfot means that Akiva was, in fact, a good person – so good that he could not tolerate it when others put on airs and looked down on the masses. He felt that this was an affront to other (simpler) people and – good person that he was – felt an urgency to defend the honor of even simple people who were ignoramuses.

Given the fact that Rabbi Akiva was such a righteous and pious individual when it came to defending the rights of even simple ignoramuses, the critique of his students was all that much greater for not following in their master’s footsteps regarding showing honor for their fellow students. For that harsh critique, they unfortunately died during the days of the Omer.

So we see the important emphasis Rabbi Akiva places on “love thy fellow man like yourself”

Another interesting aspect of our concept of brotherly love is this story of the Chassidic Rabbi called the Apter Rebbe.

The Apter Rebbe was known by his book called Ohev Yisrael [lover of Israel]. The Apter Rebbe was, as the name of this book implies, an exceptional proponent of the commandment of loving one’s fellow Jew. He was accustomed to say that in every single Torah portion there is an allusion to Ahavat Yisrael (the mitzvah of loving a fellow Jew).

One of his Chassidim came to him and asked where such allusion was to be found in Parshas Balak. A general reading of this parsha certainly turns up no such reference.

The Rebbe looked at the Chossid in surprise and told him there was an obvious allusion — the name BaLaK is an acronym for the words V’ahavta L’Reacha Kamocha [You shall love your neighbor as yourself] [Vayikra 19:18]! The Chossid looked at the Rebbe in surprise and protested, “But Rebbe, Balak is spelled Bet Lamed Kuf and the words in the pasuk [verse] teaching we should love our neighbor begin with the letters Vov Lamed Chaf? – You are matching a Bet with a Vov and a Kuf with a Chaf to make this allusion!” [The matched letters make the same sounds, but are different letters.]

The Apter Rebbe responded with something that was more than just a whimsical quip. He responded with a profound insight saying: “You have been my Chossid all these years. Haven’t you learned yet that when it comes to ‘Ahavat Yisrael’, you can’t be so precise about the exact lettering “?

The Apter Rebbe knew very well how to spell Balak. But he was teaching his disciple the lesson that when it comes to Ahavat Yisrael, there must be an elasticity. We have to cut people flak. We have to be a little more tolerant, a little more open, a little more willing to bend.

Love thy neighbor like yourself requires tolerance, patience, this is what the Alter is trying to convey.

One of the most impressive displays of psychological tactics to subdue a nation in the history of the world was Pharaoh – the King of Egypt. By luring in the Israelites into slavery was a masterful plan. However, Pharaoh underestimated Moshe’s Empathy For His Brethren.

The enslavement was so intense that even when Moshe came to Klal Yisrael to announce their impending redemption, the pasuk [verse] informs us that “They were unable to listen to him out of shortness of spirit and hard work.” [Shmot 6:9]

Rav Yonasan Eibeshutz [Tiferet Yonatan] asks why Pharaoh excused the entire Tribe of Levy from servitude. It seems uncharacteristic of the ruthless ruler to give such a courtesy. Rav Yonasan Eibeshutz answers that Pharaoh saw through his astrologers that the eventual redeemer of Israel would come from this tribe. Pharaoh reasoned that a person who was not part of the pain and suffering of the people would never be able to redeem them. Simply, he would not be able politically to rally the people behind him. The masses would discount his ability to lead them by virtue of the fact that he was not one with them during their time of suffering.

This indeed is how Rav Yonatan Eibeshutz interprets the above referenced pasuk. The people were not able to listen to Moshe because of the fact that they had experienced shortness of spirit and hard work – and he never had. Moshe lived in the lap of luxury. They were not ready to listen to him or to let him become their redeemer!

Pharaoh’s logic seemed very reasonable. So where did he go wrong? His error was that he underestimated what the Torah highlights as the most prominent character trait of Moshe. If we look back in Parshat Shmot, we notice that there is very little we are told about Moshe before he became the leader. We are told “Vayigdal Moshe” [Moshe grew up], which Rashi says means he became prominent in Pharaoh’s household – he became a prince. He could have stayed in the luxury of the palace and sufficed with saying a few chapters of Tehillim for his brethren. But Moshe went out. He went out to see what was happening with his brothers and he saw their suffering. He risked his life by killing the Egyptian, thereby taking part in the misery and the drama of his brethren’s enslavement. He identified not only with the “macro” suffering of his brothers, but with that of each individual, as indicated by his rescue of the unfortunate Jew being beaten by the Egyptian. Even when two Jews were fighting, he came to the rescue of the victim, again demonstrating his attribute of empathy and association for the burden of his fellow man (noseh b’ol chaveiro). In Midyan, he again came to the rescue of Yisro’s daughters because his personality could not tolerate oppression. Finally, we are told that he watered the flocks.

In all these descriptions, the Torah emphasizes over and over again that Moshe demonstrated the character trait that Pharoah thought he would never have – the attribute of empathy for the suffering of others. Logically, Pharaoh was right, but he underestimated Moshe’s strength of character that despite the fact that he was not part of the enslavement, he did feel the pain as acutely as anyone who experienced it personally.

There are many examples we can bring from the Torah and the pattern all equals to AHAVAT YISRAEL. G-d is promoting unity. He didn’t destroy the generation of the tower of Bavel because the culprits showed some degree of unity. Can one imagine how G-d would feel if we showed a genuine feeling toward our brethren.

The Sages have said that the primary reason for the Temple’s destruction was the lack of love and harmony between Jews. Sharing in the joy of another, the one who completed the tractate, is a demonstration of Jewish unity-which reverses the cause for our predicament, and therefore brings it to an end. For this reason we purposely have the siyum. It is this action, the happy cherished moment even with people one doesn’t know, fixes what was broken and would turn the black Tisha B’Av into a united festive party.

Mortgaging the future-cat’s in the cradle

July 16, 2015 Rabbi Avi Matmon Uncategorized No comments

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s Yissachar frand, Chaim Morgenstern, Yossi Bilius and Dr. Abba Goldman

Every so often, something about popular culture hits you like a brick wall. Much about Western society has its seductive pitfalls and some of its craving can contrast Torah’s morality and values. However, life is never clear cut and at times one learns a thing or two, a valuable lesson from the unexpected. When I was a teenager I heard the lyrics of a song, the words were so profound that it had made an impact on my life to this very day. Although, Rock ‘n roll is, for the most part, all about pursuing love that you can’t have which can frustrate and depress you to no end. This song by Harry Chapin titled “Cat’s in the Cradle” is very different from the usual generic cesspool.

My child arrived just the other day,

He came to the world in the usual way,

But there were planes to catch and bills to pay,

He learned to walk while I was away

And he was talking ‘fore I knew it and as he grew

He’d say I’m gonna be like you, Dad

You know I’m gonna be like you

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you’re coming home dad, I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day,
He said thanks for the ball, dad, come on let’s play
Can you teach me to throw, I said not today
I got a lot to do, he said that’s OK
And he, he walked away, but his smile never did, and said
I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m gonna be like him

Life is busy and in order to survive one has to spend much time and sometimes overtime to make the buck to support the family. Hey! Money doesn’t grow on trees you know! It seems like the father doesn’t spend time with his son. The first part of the song is expressing those sentiments.

Interestingly, there is a strong question to be asked on one of the most famous statements in the Torah of “Honor you father and your mother for you will have a long life” (Shemot. 20:12)

One should be aware, there are only two commandments in the Torah that a reward is attached to it. Honor your father and your mother is one of them. The other is Sheluach haken, where there is a commandment in sending away the mother bird before taking her young (Devarim 22:6) Both rewards are long life.

On a side note I heard a reason why this is such an important commandment that the Torah equites it to Honoring parents and is rewarded long life. When the mother bird is sent off and comes back she flies all around to find her children. She goes to G-d and complains. “Where are my children?’ G-d becomes upset. Then, G-d remembers from this mother bird & asks “Where are my children?” This big mitzvah reminds G-d that His children are still in the diaspora and should bring us back home, to the nest, the Beit Hamikdash,

The sages ask a profound question through a story. Once a father asked his son to perform the commandment of Sheluach haken. The boy climbed the tree to shoo away the mother bird to then grab the young hens where he slipped and fell tragically to his death. The Sages asked where the long life is. As a matter of fact he performed two of the commandments for long life and was taken from this world rather suddenly!!

In this week’s parsha there is a familiar scene, one where human weakness is glaring and through this negativity, one can learn a valuable lesson where one can literately take home.

And they said, “We will build sheep pens for our livestock here and cities for our children.” (32:16)

The Jewish people reached the plains of Moav, ready for an invasion of Canaan. The Promised Land was to be fought for. G-d had sworn to our forefathers that it be given as an inheritance. But the tribes of Gad and Reuven, rich in livestock, preferred the lush pasturelands of the Trans-Jordan to shares in Eretz Yisrael proper. They asked Moshe for permission to take their share in the Trans-Jordan.

Moshe berated them for letting the others fight to conquer Canaan while they settled down in their ranches. Furthermore, their reluctance to cross would have a demoralizing effect on the others.

“This is what we want to do,” they said to Moshe. “We want to build sheep pens for our livestock here and towns for our children. Then we will go quickly at the head of the army and fight until the land is conquered and apportioned. Only then will we return to our homes.”

“All right,” said Moshe (32:24), “build towns for your children and pens for your sheep. And make sure you keep your word.”

Notice that Moshe reversed the order of their priorities. They wanted to “build sheep pens for our livestock here and towns for our children.” First let us take care of the livestock. Let us make sure we have pens in which to keep them so they don’t wander off into the hills and get lost or stolen.

Cows and sheep are valuable assets, and we have to take good care of them. Then they spoke about building “towns for our children.” Then we will provide our children with a place to live while we are at war.

Oh no, Moshe replied. You have it backwards. First of all, “build towns for your children.” Make sure you have attended to the needs of your children. Afterwards, you can also build “pens for your sheep.” First you take care of your children, and then you worry about your cattle.

When we look at this incident, we say to ourselves, “How foolish can people be? How warped can their values be? How can anyone put the welfare of his cattle before the welfare of his children?”

Unfortunately, this is not an isolated incident, something bizarre that happened thousands of years ago. It is an everyday phenomenon. People become focused on their livelihood, on developing a business, on advancing professionally, on building a practice, and their kids get lost in the shuffle. They don’t realize that they are making the exact same mistake as the tribes of Gad and Reuven. But it is true. It happens all too often.

Rashi writes (32:24) that the tribes of Gad and Reuven did not return home to the Trans-Jordan until after the seven years of conquest and the seven years of apportionment. They remained in Eretz Yisrael for a full fourteen years. Those little children they left behind — let’s assume they were 3 or 4 years old — how old were they when their fathers returned home? Teenagers! Practically adults! The Midrash tells us that their fathers were shocked to find that their sons had long hair, that they were indistinguishable from their pagan neighbors.

This is what happens when parents give priority to their wealth over their children.

The Ktav Sofer raises a question with the latter part of Moshe’s words. After helping the tribes of Gad and Reuven get their priorities straight, he told them, “Make sure you keep your word.” Why was this necessary?

The answer, says the Ktav Sofer, is that Moshe knew with whom he was dealing. People who could even think of protecting their money before they protect their children cannot be trusted. They are so intent on their wealth that they can do anything. Therefore, Moshe had to exhort them to keep their word.

The quest for wealth can become more obsessive than any other quest. All too often, the children are the price of the wealth.

SURPRISING DISCOVERY

In parshat Vayera we learn that G-d wanted to share a secret with someone very dear to Him and that person was Avraham. The secret was what He intended to do to the people of Sedom and Amorah, which was to annihilate them. The Sages explain why Avraham was so dear to G-d; it was because “he (Avraham) will command his children”. In other words what the Sages were implying was that Avraham will raise his children properly and pass down the concept of G-d which his offsprings dutifully complied.

Interestingly, the world was a world of Idol worshipers. Avraham stood out from the crowd and was known as “Lone Ranger”. He became the ambassador to G-d and professed the monotheism concept. It was strange to say the least in the eyes of the public. This action was unprecedented at that time. Avraham pushed the concept. He had chutzpah!! Secondly, let’s not forget his famous trademark kindness. His door to his tent was open on all four sides for passerby’s to enter. Avraham sets the rules on the concept of kindness. And yet, he is cherished by G-d, not for those standout achievements but, for his ability to transmit his legacy to his children. That overrode everything else?! That struck a sensitive cord in G-d that He proclaimed that Avraham is His love?

Avraham was a “hands on” dad. He was close to his children. He went out of his way to communicate to his children; he was there for his kids.

When the Torah states honor your parents for you will have a long life, long life means your life will be extended through your children. They will follow your philosophy; they will pass down your legacy. They will cherish what was important to you.

However, there has to be an investment into the children and that is to spend time with them!! Why would this work? Although there is no guarantee, however, one has to play the percentages. Since children’s intellects are not fully developed, they function mostly from their emotions rather than from logic. The result is that they learn and absorb more from what they see than from what they hear. Therefore, showing one’s children how to properly do things in person has a greater impact and influence than telling them so. This is what they take with them into adulthood. The fond memories of the parents physically there. Now let’s take this a step further.

There is a strong connection between keeping the Jewish faith and bonding with parents. Our Torah is passed down by tradition which we call the chain. The home is where this platform occurs. So it’s imperative; it’s Jewish survival to have a good parents- child relationship.

Interesting to note, as parents we are seduced by “making money” and we use it as an excuse to avoid our precious children. Our children, though, have a seductive outlet as well. With the creation of media and these days’ social media there is a stronger connection outside the home then inside the home. One now can have their primary social outlet outside the family framework. That is dangerous.

Personally, when I was growing up the media had a tremendous impact on all of us. I can just imagine what the pressure the average teenager goes through today. Our dinner table was disrupted daily by the giant television which was present. That contraption alienated my parents and I. What saved the relationship was Shabbat where we were forced to sit and talk to each other without any electronic gadgets and business dealing on the phone.

So besides being a slave to the business one now has an added servitude, they’re a slave to the media.

We have to savor the moment with our children. They grow up fast and before one knows it they’re out of the house.

Speaking about the media and popular culture the last two stanza of the song is something that is etched in my psyche forever and has helped me deal with my family with the utmost sensitivity.

Well, he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man, I just had to say
Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
What I’m feeling like, dad, is to borrow the car keys
See ya later, can I have them, please

I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said I’d like to see you if you don’t mind
He said I’d love to dad, if I could find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle, and the kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you

And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you’re coming home son, I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, dad
We’re gonna have a good time then

Our Honored guest Eliyahu Hanavi

July 16, 2015 Rabbi Avi Matmon Uncategorized No comments

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s Yissachar frand, Berel Wein, Tzvi Patinski, Yossi Bilius and Dr. Abba Goldman

Imagine being served bagels and lox for breakfast, every morning, for the last 3000 years. That is the custom menu for a brit milah (circumcision) and what Eliyahu Hanavi has been subjected to as he predictably appears as the honored guest, with the front row seat. Every nuance of the ceremony automatically is recognized by him; any cookie or bagel tasted by him can easily be linked to the caterer. He’s an expert on all aspects of the brit milah ceremony. Though, he would probably welcome something a little different after all these years. Eliyahu was a prophet and a wonder-worker in the northern kingdom of Israel during the reign of Achav (9th century BC). We know that at every Brit (Circumcision) there is an area set aside as the “Chair of Eliyahu” right where the actual circumcision takes place. Eliyahu is, as it were, the distinguished guest who appears at every Brit Milah.

Why is Eliyahu at every brit? Why is Eliyahu Ha’navi such a central figure at a brit milah? After all, this is a mitzvah associated with Avraham Avinu, as demonstrated by the blessing we recite–“To bring [the child] into the brit /covenant of Avraham Avinu”!

Furthermore, better late than never, we open the door for Eliyahu towards the end of the Pesach seder and pour an extra cup of wine dedicating it to him. Is there a common bond between the Pesach seder invite and Eliyahu attending every brit?

This week’s parsha begins as a continuation of the incident at the end of last week’s. We read how Pinchas was enraged with the actions of Zimri ben Salul, who challenged Moshe’s authority by taking a non-Jewish woman into the tent, in front of the entire nation to have an illicit relationship. Pinchas was so furious with the audacity of Zimri that after receiving permission from Moshe, he entered the tent and speared the two sinners to death. His brazen act of zealousness was praised by G-d and he was rewarded greatly.

The courageous act that Pinchas performed was one of zealotry. It’s defending G-d’s honor!! It’s an act of tremendous love towards G-d par excellence. Is he a role model for others to follow? Are we to learn how to be a zealot from his actions? Is there a course, perhaps a home study edition on how to be a zealot?

Apparently, it seems like the Talmud and Jewish traditions are of the opinion that only Pinchas’s act of zealotry is to be admired. All other acts of unilateral zealotry in Jewish society in later generations are to be shunned. The prophet Eliyahu, who in Jewish tradition is identified somehow with Pinchas, is chastised by Heaven to moderate his zealotry and despair regarding the acknowledged evils of Jewish behavior in his time.

Our history seems to support this view. Shimon and Levy, number three and four from the twelve tribes, though heroes to their brothers, were reprimanded by their father Yaakov for wiping out the city of Shechem for allowing the rape of their sister Dina. It seems from the last will and testaments of Yaakov, which was disclosed in parshat V`yechi, that it’s not quite a popular idea to be a zealot.

According to Jewish tradition Pinchas was, in fact, Eliyahu Hanavi. Eliyahu Hanavi is one of the most fascinating people in Tanach and Rabbinic literature. Ironically, he appears in our Rabbinic literature as an old cute grandfather type, who is a beloved guest at our every holiday and life cycle event. We even sing a song about him after Havdalah (end of Shabbat).

However, this is far removed from the persona of Eliyahu in much of Tanach. We find a very interesting comment from our Sages pertaining to the famous showdown with Eliyahu and king Achav and Queen Izevel’s false prophets at Mount Carmel [Melachim I Chapter 18]. Eliyahu challenged the false prophets of Baal to bring down a fire from Heaven to accept their offerings. They were unable to do this. However, Eliyahu succeeded in bringing down a fire from Heaven to accept his own offering. All the people fell on their faces, prostrated themselves, and declared “Hashem, He is G-d.” This is the famous proclamation that reverberates throughout our synagogues at the conclusion of Yom Kippur.

This story is told in the Haftorah of Parshas Ki Tisa. The Haftorah ends with those words: “Hashem hu haElokim.” However, that is not how the story ends in Tanach. The narration in the book of Melachim continues “Eliyahu said to them, ‘Seize the prophets of Baal! Let none of them escape!’ So they seized them. Eliyahu took them down to the Kishon Brook and slaughtered them there.” [Melachim 1 18:40] The wicked Queen Izevel heard what Eliyahu did to her prophets and sent a message pledging to do the exact same thing to him that he did to the prophets of Baal. Eliyahu is forced to flee to the desert where he sees a vision of G-d on Har Horeb (Har Sinai). In a series of questions, G-d first asks Eliyahu what he is doing there.

Eliyahu indicts the Israelites for their wicked deeds. He gets down on his own people!! The honor of G-d overrides the compassion of the Jewish people. Was he right? G-d then proceeds to show him a vision of Wind, Thunder, and Fire in which G-d is in none of these, followed by a soft still voice in which HE appears. As the Malbim explains, G-d is trying to communicate to Eliyahu through this vision that the proper approach of a prophet towards his people should not be one of harsh rebuke and stinging indictment but rather to pull them with cords of love and soft words.

G-d’s persuasion, however, is gone unnoticed. Eliyahu is a zealot and will not change this about himself. The honor of G d has been defiled!!

Eliyahu seems to hardly be the cute old smiley little grandfather that he is depicted in rabbinic literature. Based on this portrayal, it’s doubtful that we would want to invite him to our Brit Milah or Seder.

G-d’s question to Eliyahu implied some measure of criticism. G-d chastised Eliyahu for not talking properly about His people. “Do not say about My People ‘they have not kept Your Covenant!’ Do not talk that way about Jews! You should have said, “They are Your children, descendants of Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov.”

There was never a more ‘for the sake of Heaven’ zealot in the history of the world than Eliyahu the prophet. He is the paragon of the proper form of zealotry. G-d rewarded him for it. But even that zealot was less than perfect because at the same time that he defended the Honor of G-d, he was too harsh in his attitude toward the Jewish people. The Jews had to be admonished, true, but he was just a little too strong. He should not have said “They have forsaken Your Covenant (Brit).”

We are told that Eliyahu the prophet attends every circumcision (Bris) of Jewish babies. Part of the ritual is to reserve a chair for Eliyahu. The reason why he must attend every Brit is a decree from G-d. Eliyahu must attend every Bris in order to recognize that he was wrong. The nation of Yisrael does keep the Covenant (Brit)!

This is the difficulty of being a zealot. Balancing Kavod Shamayim-love and honor of G-d with love of one’s fellow Jewish brothers can be challenging to say the least. We have experienced how individuals for the love of G-d believe they have a license to trample other Jews. This is a common stumbling block of being a zealot. One tends to overlook that perhaps, their actions are not so pure and possibly motivated by self-interest.

Interestingly, Eliyahu is mentioned in Tanach one more time. Eliyahu makes one last crucial appearance in Tanach in the last chapter of the Prophets.

“Behold I will send for you Eliyahu the prophet before comes the Day of the Lord, the Great and Awesome Day. And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the sons and the hearts of the sons to the fathers lest I come and destroy the land totally”. What this statement seems to imply is the answer to our introductory questions.

SEDER NIGHT AND THE CUP OF ELIYAHU

Let’s explain: Concerning the Cup of Eliyahu that we pour on the Seder night, it has a strong basis because the reason for preparing the Chair of Eliyahu at the time of the Milah and giving Eliyahu the nickname the Malach HaBrit-angel of the covenant is because… the mouth who indicted Israel stating that they forsook the Brit is the very mouth who will give testimony in support of Israel and become their defense attorney when he sees that they are keeping the Brit.

A famous Midrash which states that since Eliyahu was the prosecutor against the Children of Israel accusing them of forsaking the Brit, his Tikkun for all eternity is that he will attend every Brit Milah and be able to testify forever that in fact the Jewish people have not forsaken the Brit. He will testify that through all generations even in times of great persecution and personal sacrifice, the Jews have kept the Brit.

Based on this, we have reason to establish the custom of Israel on the night of Pesach to prepare a cup of wine and a place at the table where we fulfill the Pesach [for Eliyahu]. Because one of the laws [of the Karban Pesach] is that an uncircumcised male cannot eat it. And on the first night that they fulfilled this mitzvah of eating the Pesach sacrifice, they first needed to fulfill the mitzvah of Brit Milah as it says in Yechezkel (16: 6) and I saw them steeped in blood [and I said, through your blood shall you live, through your blood shall you live]. Our rabbis teach us [that this double reference to blood] refers to the blood of the Milah and the Pesach. [The first two mitzvot the Children of Israel fulfilled prior to the Exodus from Egypt.]

We see here the clear connection between the Chair of Eliyahu and the Cup of Eliyahu since the mitzvah of Milah and the mitzvah of Pesach are interconnected. A male cannot perform a Karban Pesach unless he has a Brit Milah.
This beautiful idea can answer our seemingly contradictory portraits of Eliyahu. Eliyahu was and always will be a zealot for G-d. However, once he comes to every Brit Milah and every Pesach Seder for all generations his attitude towards the Jewish people will change. Not because he has changed but because the the reality of the situation, has changed. Once he sees that we never forsook the twin covenants of Milah and Pesach, he will become our greatest advocate. There is no doubt that the blessing of Eliyahu will come to every Jewish house to see that they have fulfilled both the Pesach and Milah. This will go up to heaven as a positive testimony to hasten the final redemption speedily in our days.

Zealotry is such a dangerous trait that even the noble Pinchas-Eliyahu can overdo it, by uttering just a single word that is too strong. This demonstrates how delicate and careful one must be when wielding the sword of zealotry.

Good cop – bad cop

July 6, 2015 Rabbi Avi Matmon Uncategorized No comments

This article was constructed with the help of either writings, lectures or shiurim of Rabbi’s Yissachar frand, Pinchus Winston, Yossi Bilius

Raising children is a handful. For the most part, it’s all too common, that each parent commits himself to play a different role in order to raise them in the best way possible. What tends to happen, naturally, one parent is strict and the other is lenient. It’s the old “good cop – bad cop” routine. My childhood friend’s mother would always frighten the boys by saying “I’m going to tell Abba”. Their father was a hot tempered hard working man. The negotiation blackmail tactic always worked; the boys were scared. Between my parents, though, my mother was the strict one. Those who know my wife and me can take an educated guess on who wears the badge in the family. Interestingly, it’s a concept that is applied to many aspects of life and is the lifeblood of our relationship with G-d. We pray accordingly; we eat accordingly; we live accordingly to this concept. Ironically, many of us don’t even know it.

We see it in this week’s parsha.

The kings of Moab and Midian, enemies for many generations, united for the purpose of a common attack upon the children of Israel. Balak, the newly elected king of Moab, had been put in charge of the plans. Balak came to the conclusion “all the Israelites’ success could only be attributed to some form of magic”. He believed that the only way to destroy the victorious Jews was to outdo them in magic by a spell stronger than theirs.

Balak, therefore, sent messengers to Bilaam, the greatest magician of those days, asking him to come to Moab to curse the people of Israel.

As the parsha progresses, we see that Bilaam was unsuccessful in cursing the Jewish people. But, as a last ditch effort, he told Balak, “Balak, I have a plan for you. The G-d of the Jews cannot tolerate promiscuity. I recommend that you hire the daughters of Midyan to seduce the Jewish men. They would then be in violation of the will of their G-d, which will cause Him to become angry against them.” In this plan, he was indeed successful and there was a plague in which thousands of people died. This was his parting shot against the Jewish people.

We know one of the Jewish character traits that G-d holds in high esteem is modesty. Why would the Jewish men actually take the bait and get seduced by the non-Jewish women? After all this was a superior generation. So it seems odd that Bilaam would pursue that route knowing that his chances are slim. Perhaps he knew something that we don’t know.

Bilaam’ pursuit of this idea was even more strange since we learned that he was impressed with the modesty and morality of the Jewish people. He uttered the words “How goodly are your tents O’ Jacob; your dwelling places O’ Israel.” Our Sages say he was impressed with the privacy that each tent provided their neighbors – no door was open opposite the entrance of the neighboring tent.

Given that, what gave Bilaam the impression that the daughters of Midyan would have success in their immoral attempts to seduce the men of Israel?

The Sifrei Kabbalah cites Sanhedrin 105b, which asks why Bilaam, this high priced sorcerer, was unable to curse Klal Yisrael. The Gemara explains that Bilaam’s power in “knowing the Mind of the High One” was that he could sense the fleeting moment in each day that G-d became angry. The Sages say there is a brief “regah” [instant] in every day when the Almighty becomes angry at the Jewish people. Bilaam knew how to pinpoint that moment. But G-d granted them special protection by not allowing Himself to become angry during the entire period when Bilaam was hired to curse them. About this the prophet teaches: “My nation, recall pleases what was the plan of Balak – King of Moav and what Bilaam – son of Beor responded to him. From Shitim until Gilgal, in order to know the righteousness of G-d.” [Micha 6:5]. The Talmud teaches, “What was the righteousness of G-d (referred to by the prophet)? G-d told the Jews: ‘You should know this entire period in which Bilaam tried to curse you; I changed My Behavior which I have practiced from the 6 Days of Creation and I never became angry during this time frame. Had I become angry during the period like I normally do (albeit for an instant) there would not have remained a single Jew left!'”

However, the fact that G-d did not get angry triggered Bilaam to devise a brilliant plan. The way the world operates is that too much love is not a good thing either. Unbridled love, un-channeled love, unchecked love can lead to disastrous results. It can lead to promiscuity. It can lead to love relationships between two people that are not appropriate. Therefore, this tremendous emanation of this spirit of Love can be perverted. What is the antidote? The antidote is that “G-d becomes angry every single day” (Kel Zoem b’chol yom). This anger serves as a counter balance to the feelings of uninhibited and unchecked love. This Divine injection of momentary anger is what keeps the world in equilibrium. That is why there can be the proper love and the channeled love, and the love to the right people.

When Bilaam saw that his curses were not getting through and he realized that G-d was not getting angry, he said “Aha! When there is no counterbalance to the love, the situation is ripe for promiscuity.” Based on that he understood that the time was ripe for this very private, very modest Klal Yisrael to be seduced and corrupted by the daughters of Midyan.

When the Torah in Achrei Mot describes the prohibited relationship between sister and brother, it uses a very peculiar language: “Chessed Hu”. Is it not strange that an illicit relationship should be called “Chessed” (which normally means ‘kindness’)? The answer is that when there is an illicit love in inappropriate places, the love has gone wild. It is Chessed – kindness, love; but it can exceed appropriate boundaries and be forbidden.

This is why Bilaam was confident that he would be able to entrap Klal Yisrael.

This Kaballistic idea has an application to us as well. Love must be checked and balanced. We need to maintain the “right hand which draws near and the left hand which pushes away.” We need to employ this principle with our children. We love our children immensely. We want to shower them with love and give them as much as we can and treat them as well as we can. But again, if that “Ahava” [love] is unchecked without a counter-balance of appropriate discipline and appropriate putting them in their place when the situation demands, it can be as destructive as the lack of ‘Ahava’.

Thus, Kabbalah speaks of two primary lights: Chesed and Gevurah, whose natures are complete opposites. Chesed (Kindness, love) usually translates into mercy, is compared to water which flows without boundary, though it is considered to be quiet and peaceful. Gevurah (Strength) usually results in strict judgment, on the other hand, is compared to fire and the source of tzimtzum, the constriction of G-d’s light, like the glass that contains and gives shape to water. Tifferet brings a wonderful balance based upon the two of them called Chesed shel Emet, “Truthful Chesed.” It is the best of both worlds, because as we have seen, both Chesed and Gevurah in extreme measure are destructive. Too much Chesed can deny the recipient a sense of self and independence, and too much Gevurah can deny a person the assistance he needs. Too much “right hand” means the child will never learn discipline; too much “left hand” will mean the child will never learn love.

Throughout the year as well as daily, Chesed and Gevurah manipulate the time and it’s our duty, to the best of our ability, to take advantage of the moment. For example, the time for chessed is from chatzot – midnight till midday and the time for Gevurah is midday to midnight. For this reason we say slichot-forgiveness for our sins (prayers said before the high holy days) between midnight and the morning hour where G-d bestows his mercy in the world. We have to take advantage of the mercy moments!! This would be the best option for forgiveness. We now see how Chessed and Gevurah influence our lives on a daily bases.

There are a few observations about Chessed and Gevurah that should be noted:

On the topic of counting, we have a tradition; interestingly enough, that blessing only comes to things that are not counted (Bava Metzia 42a). In fact, sometimes counting results in just the opposite-in curse-which is why, in Parashas Ki Tisa, the Jewish people were not counted directly but through their contributions of a half-shekel-silver coin.

This is not something to be taken lightly, and it is why people in the know, when trying to ascertain if 10 people are available for a minyan, do not directly count people, but the shirts they are wearing, or by assigning one word of a 10-word verse to each person. When all the words are used up, 10 people have been counted.

But, why should counting make a difference to one’s level of blessing? The Zohar explains this as well:

The Upper Blessing comes from the side of Chesed, and all measuring and counting is from the side of Gevurah, which is a matter of measurement and limits … (Ibid.)

Thus, to count something is to apply Gevurah to it. It is to define the thing and to limit it, and to yank it from the world of Chesed and blessing to the side of Gevurah and constriction, the domain of the Sitra Achra. For, the Sitra Achra, the source of the yetzer hara and evil in the world, can only exist in a reality where G-d’s light is constricted, which happens when something is counted.

Another interesting observation that one may not have been aware of is the ketoret, a prayer we recite three times a day describing the incense that was burned in the Temple.

The Arizal says that when one recites the Ketoret with accuracy it inspires teshuvah-repentance and is a source for parnassa and refuah shelema.

Since Gevurot by their very nature are considered “difficult” and “hard,” terms associated with the Divine judgment they invoke (judgment is considered to be the opposite of kindness), therefore they are also represented by hard substances. When a hard substance is ground into a fine powder, as in the case with the ingredients of the Ketoret, it is also called a “weakening” or “sweetening” of the Gevurot.

The finely ground Ketoret mixture represents the sweetening of the Gevurot, and therefore a more favorable judgment. This is why, according to Kabbalah, the Incense mixture is returned to the grinding bowl once again Erev Yom Kippur to be ground down even more finely which is why Yom Kippur is considered to be such a special time of Divine mercy.

We see the concept of Chessed and Gevurah is applied to much in our daily lives. As we learned there has to be a happy balance (tifferet). Too much Chessed or too much Gevurah can be disastrous. For this reason, when both parents are strict or both parents are lenient that makes the recipe for a disaster. Although both parents have to be on the same page, same philosophy, however, the style is recommended to be different. Who wares the badge in your family?

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