Spark of Jewish Experience

In this week’s parsha, similar to many in the book of Devarim, Moshe reflects on some important points in the first forty years of a young nation. He reviews some of the triumphs, shortcomings, and the encounters, which the Israelites experienced in the desert. One of the encounters was the evil Idol worship Ba’al Peor.

In our previous discussions (Balak newsletter), we mentioned that in order to participate in worshiping this idol, one has to relieve himself in front of the idol. The reasoning behind this despicable act is to rebel against the values of society (idol worship was mainstream) and to destroy any form of order in which G-d and mankind has to offer.

Apparently, the Ba’al Peor inception initially was an entirely different philosophy than the popular anti-establishment defiant act, worship or however one wants to describe it. The original idea was to feel so fearful in front of Ba’al Peor, to the extent, that one loses all control of his bowels. Apparently, when human beings are afraid of something they have an urge to relieve themselves. Ever wonder why one has to go after being scared or experiencing anxieties? The philosophy of most pagenistic societies, in that period of time, was of ‘angry G-ds had to be appeased’ and that society is afraid of them; by losing control of ones’ bowels one has served their G-d well.

One has to wonder what the Torah perspective of fear is. Is fear good? The Torah commands us to fear G-d. Is fear bad (fear of life)?

Dr. Goldman, psychologist at Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim, mentions the Torah requires us to be afraid only of G-d (and to a certain extent, parents and teachers). He points out that perhaps by fearing only G-d, it can have a tremendous benefit on us. ‘You see’ he says,  ‘One can be a lot more assertive in his everyday life with this mindset; it will, in effect, make it easier to reach goals otherwise unattainable because of broadening fear to man. He will not be timid and tremble in front of people; he will be able to make oral presentations to his corporate bigwigs at work with ease because he knows that everything comes from G d; Hakadosh Baruch Hu is responsible; I fear only Him and not the grouchy boss or hot-tempered moody neighbor’. Man is just the messenger of G-d; the dog bites the stick when being hit, not realizing it’s the master who is the one who is inflicting the beating; so don’t be scared of the bully.

Apparently, it seems like the original Ba’al Peor worshipers had a certain pleasure in getting scared out of their wits. Seemingly, this falls in perfectly with today’s society; remember the popularity of Freddy Krueger and the Friday the 13th series, Frankenstein, Boris Karloff (no, he’s not Bukharian), and Hannibal Lector? Why do some people enjoy fear? Dr. Neil Levey says society is bored with their mundane life ‘so they flirt with fear’. So maybe that’s one reason why Peor was so popular.

Basically, our sages teach us to channel the fear to the Al-Mighty but one may ask ‘how can one reach a level of fearing G-d?’ Dr. Goldman continues, ‘It’s important to establish a relationship with Him through prayer and share with Him your happy news as well as your fears.’ By focusing on prayer and conveying every aspect of your life, it will strengthen the bond between G-d and yourself and will develop feelings such as fear, love, awe, and respect. Even though one might think it’s one-sided at first, he should still try it, and one will be surprised at the outcome. Unfortunately, prayer today for many, has become monotonic lip service, so one has to make it more meaningful.

Rabbi Baruch Dopelt is bothered by a pasuk, ‘serve G-d with happiness and fear’; it seems to contradict each other. Perhaps this famous pasuk will shed some light (we all know the song) ‘oseh shalom bimromav…if He (G-d) can make peace in the heavens (between fire and water), surely He too will make peace between us….’. The question is asked, how can you make peace between fire and water, two opposites? The answer is in the heavens. There is only olam ha’emet (world of truth) and both fire and water recognize and fear G-d to the highest degree because they see the truth without distortion; they’re able to co-exist. We too have to explore our inner self and find the truth without any distortion and we’ll develop a true fear exclusively for G-d.

One morning earlier this week, while I was driving, a speeding vehicle buzzed past my car and the driver screamed, ‘Jew!!’ It was unexpected, so I jumped. Obviously, the driver’s intention was to purely shock and agitate me, and he accomplished his mission. What was surprising about the incident was my reaction. Instinctively, I was about to press on the acceleration pedal and ram my old jalopy 1996 Toyota Camry into him. Those brief moments were filled with startled surprise to anger (how dare you!!). Seconds later, I came to my senses realizing I have a kippa on my head and I have to live up to a certain dignified standard. Also, why would I want this low-life in my life for any extended period; the few seconds that he was in view was enough. I hope with G-d’s help to never see him again. Lastly, I have a busy life as is, so I don’t need the headaches.

But to think the most scariest and disappointing notion is that for those few seconds, I was tempted to violently react in the most horrific way. For those brief moments, I was not in control. I can’t help but think that if the scenario was slightly different and he would have agitated me a bit longer or if I had a rough morning before, would I have acted on those initial impulses?

Understandably, a kippa reminds oneself about the pride and control that we must adhere to. After all, this is one of the primary lessons we learn in Yeshiva – control. However, what about protecting our pride and the pride of our people?  Should we just be a bunch of wimps and not react?

We asked Dr. Goldman, Psychologist at Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim, on how does he explain road rage. He says we first have to understand what makes us so defensive and tempted to react. The Doctor explains that the anger reaction stems from pride; the ego has been hurt. We have to learn from King David; when David ran away, Shimi ben Gera insulted him and he did not react right away. David didn’t allow road rage to take the better of him. This is a person who was able to control himself for this moment. He didn’t give an immediate irrational response. Apparently, it was very difficult for him to control himself, but he nevertheless did.

The Zohar mentions that King David had similar desires (yetzer hara) as did Eisav (Jacob’s brother and rival). Therefore, the sages compare them; both had tendencies to spill blood, they both pursued married women. They both were redheads and presumably had tempers, and both were leaders. The primary difference between them however, and what the Torah emphasizes is CONTROL.

Dr. Goldman mentions one has to believe and say ‘I can take these insults; I’m okay, I’m not less of a person than I was before the insults’. It would be a sign of insecurity if one would let it get to him. Ah, but the kids are watching as I’m being insulted, I shouldn’t react?  The good doctor says one should handle the insults with dignity, then the kids will respect you. You’re not a baby, don’t let it bother you. If they see that you are not bothered and affected by those insults, they will respect you more. The notion of the ‘American cowboy’, I’ll take care of him at the ‘OK Carrel’ is nonsense. One has to understand, one can lose everything in one moment. Is it worth it?

This past year, there were 1200 injuries and 300 serious injuries; some of which fatalities cases of road rage. Apparently, it’s a cause for concern because the numbers are rising yearly; although, tempers and egos might be difficult to contain at a split second notice. Rav Yitzhak Aminov quotes Rav Yisroel Salanter who teaches us to review daily Mussar books (Jewish self-help books) on chapters pertaining to the character traits that you believe you’re weak in. One would be surprised what the sub-conscious mind absorbs; it just might save your life. One of the most famous quotes pertaining to road rage is ‘you never learn how to swear until you learn to drive’.